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Your COTW in a moment, y’all, but first, let’s take a moment to appreciate Dick Locher, the former Dick Tracy artist and writer who passed away this week at 88. I think I’ve made it pretty clear that I’ve missed his particular brand of expressionist violent insanity in the strip, but I don’t think I could give him a better eulogy than Uncle Lumpy did when he covered Locher’s last storyline:

Ah, the deaths of Dick Tracy villains. Torched in a wind generator fire. Killed in a fall from the U.S. Capitol Rotunda. Brain wiped clean. Killed in a fall down a smokestack. Blown to bits. Crushed under a bulldozer. Dismembered by a pack of dogs. Immolated in a car fire. Pancaked by a falling antique warplane. And now, eaten alive by rats. Say it with me: Eaten. Alive. By. Rats.

And now, after a respectful moment of silence, let’s move on to the comment of the week!

“Great to see Funky Winkerbean’s shout-out to the Comics Tortoise! I’ve always loved his early work at Marvel, and the way he can withdraw into his shell when threatened.” –Jack Loves Comics

And your runners up! Very funny!

“Come on, Josh! The wife barging in is part of his whole fetish fantasy. Look at that rooster headdress she’s got on! Look at his boots! The little people in bodysuits. Live Skype of Aunt May getting laid on her wedding night. There’s about to be some freaky fetish sex going down!” –John Fulcher, on Facebook

“Slylock: ‘Good news, I’ve solved the mystery of why the Beavers’ apartment didn’t get robbed!‘ Chief O’Hound: ‘But did you catch the robber?’ Slylock: ‘Sorry, only one mystery a day, that’s the rule.’” –Chyron HR

“Poor Max is forced to stay outside. Slylock’s adopted sidekick went overboard on the interrogation earlier when he didn’t like their alibi. You might say that his Ward was a little hard on the Beaver last night.” –Calvin’s Cardboard Box

“Judging from the big backyard and white picket fence, the Beavers live in what used to be Hi and Lois’ house. I don’t know what’s worse, that our favorite suburban family was probably cooked and eaten by the now monstrous-size squirrels and bunnies who lived in their neighborhood (in a bourbon-Thirsty sauce, no doubt), or that their home has been divided into sparse, tiny apartments by a Soviet-style centralized animal government for some of the ‘lesser species’ to live in.” –BigTed

“Don’t worry, Johnny, I’d never abandon you. I soon as I figure out how to reverse the effects of the shrink-ray, I’ll come back and return you to normal size. This is no life for a forty-year man!” –Peanut Gallery

Why do his drawings look so familiar? Oh, wait, they’re the standard renderings of Michael Jackson and Mr. Bean that every sidewalk caricaturist in a tourist area uses.” –nescio

“Jared won’t get anywhere in a dating battle with a hot shaggy-haired doctor … not unless he does something about that overbite. Fortunately, I’m sure Santa Royale has plenty of underground plastic surgeons to serve its many aging California matrons. He could probably get a jaw extension for a couple thousand dollars!” –Vulcan With a Mullet

“Hunh, Rebel Without a Cause came out in 1955… if we assume May is somewhere in her 70s, then… [does math] yes, May almost definitely had a crush on James Dean when she was young. [looks at Mole Man] I mean I guess things turned out well for her.” –Dan

“Hi is clearly saving his cash for a pickled hot dog.” –Grover

“In any other comic, a child falling out of a bouncy castle and landing headfirst would be a tragedy and the focus of weeks of strips. In Funky Winkerbean, it’s just all part of the background gloom. It’s certainly nowhere near as serious as, say, a cartoonist’s artistry being insufficiently appreciated.” –Schroduck

“Sure, we mock Thirsty for having no real hope about his future and thus squandering the little money he has in working-class gambling. But what about Hi, who feels that the balance of work and family is so fragile that it would be shattered by a drastic change of economic status? This is pitch-black social anxiety and I fully endorse it.” –Ettorre

“Jared teaches Dawn a new yoga pose, ‘downward dork.’” –seismic-2

“I love how Mark’s fight trash talk always makes him sound less like a bad ass vigilante and more like an upset parent. ‘I’ve had enough of you! I’m done with your attitude! I’m not even mad, just disappointed!’” –pugfuggly

“I love the cinematic aspect of these recent Mark Trail strips. And by ‘cinematic’ I mean ‘violent fighting in the rain without mussing up your hair or your clothes, or getting any cuts or bruises on your face.’” –Larry McAwful

“Dawn’s going to list all the patients’ e-mail addresses as ‘CC’ instead of ‘BCC’, isn’t she? Is this a sexual harassment story line or a HIPAA one?” –Boophilus

“Now, I know what you’re thinking, Mark. Did I fire one shot, or no shots? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I’ve kinda lost track myself. I’m … well, not very intelligent. That’s why I turned to a life of crime. That, and an abusive home life. It’s a sad story, you probably don’t want to hear it. But I’m getting distracted. Very distractible, I am that. Anyway, you’ve got to ask yourself one question: ‘Do I feel lucky?’ Well, do ya, Mark? Because I don’t. This whole robbery’s gone pretty far south by now, and it’s wet and I’m cold. What was I talking about again?” –Voshkod

“I know the old Mark Trail rule about facial hair == bad guy has been defunct for a while now, but I’d still love to see the woman with the gun remove her fake chin to reveal a beard long enough to make an Eastern Rite patriarch weep with envy.” –Nekrotzar

‘What do they call inchworms in the rest of the world?’ says Billy as he maintains an uncomfortably long gaze with the audience. In the background a half-eaten wonton slides limply across the sidewalk. It’s a real departure from the past but I fully support Family Circus’s move into avant-guard French cinema.” –Escape Zeppelin

“This Mary Worth storyline is the Scott Pilgrim/American Psycho mashup we deserve.” –Lorne

Chocolate cake? derived from cacao beans? brought to Europe sometime after 1517? Ladies and gentlemen, I believe this whole strip is actually occurring in modern times and Hagar has spent this whole time as a Gen-X LARPer, complete with neck beard and craft beers.” –maltmash3r

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