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This week’s top comment: it’s here!

“‘That phase of his life is behind him, honey! He wants to be remembered for his art, not his mutation. You have to separate the work from the lizard. Why you gotta bring up old stuff.’ This was a well-timed plot, Spider-Man. Good job, thumb on the pulse.” –Dan

The runners-up: they’re also hilarious!

“Ha ha, it’s funny because even after three pretty clear clues, Dagwood still can’t figure out that it’s Daylight Savings, an event that has happened twice a year his entire life! That’s so … troubling, actually? Is his brain getting clogged up with bologna or something?” –pugfuggly

“Hello? Spidey Sense Consumer Hotline? Yes, I have some complaints.” –Joe Blevins

“Humans might be low in the social hierarchy, but nothing has changed for fish after the Animapocalypse. The new masters still need an underclass, it’s the cycle of revolution.” –Ettore

“The dog didn’t need color vision, or even smell, to identify the red ones. He just licked all of them. Because he’s a dog! Enjoy the rest of your jelly beans, Young Jeffrey.” –Peanut Gallery

“Look at all that white snow. I have never been so grateful for a colorist’s mistake.” –matt w

“I’m looking forward to the future Mary Worth where Iris and Zak meet up with Wilbur and Fabiana for a cordial, awkward dinner. I give it an hour and no more than 2 glasses of wine before the young hotties have locked themselves into the bathroom. Iris and Wilbur will have no recourse but to weep, listen to their exuberant lovemaking, and glumly masturbate.” –stepped pyramids

“You see, if he HAD changed the clocks, the time in the cartoon would be 1:43. 143 is the sum of seven consecutive primes (11 + 13 + 17 + 19 + 23 + 29 + 31). That, plus the fact that the person on the right is carrying a basket of laundry should make the hilarious subtext obvious. I mean, it’s all right there!” –grsblvnyk

“That stereotypical cowboy in Mark Trail looks devastated by his gun’s betrayal. He might walk in on his wife and his best friend in bed; his dog might turn on him; his horse might go lame; all these things he could accept with the quiet stoicism we expect from the stereotypical cowboy. But when a man’s gun up and stabs him in the back like that, well, that’s just too much. Unless there’s a bayonet involved. Then you expect a stabbing.” –Voshkod

“Obviously Mark Trail is trying to appeal to the millennials with that ‘glitch’ noise because the gun was created with a 3D printer. That’s what the kids do nowadays, right? Make things with 3D printers?” –tb4000

“When Iris asks, ‘Isn’t it kind of late for coffee?’, she is being sincerely curious. She’s dumb. But when Zak replies, ‘It’s never too late for coffee’, he really is talking about coffee because if Iris throws down the stupid, Zak rolls with it. They’re perfect for each other.” –Gabacho

“The PR guy gets into a taxi. Peter waves to an empty limo. Mary Jane is sick of the crowds on an otherwise deserted street. Next thing ya know, that phase of Dr. Connors’ life will be shown NOT to be behind him after all! Lies! It’s all LIES!” –Hogenmogen

“Zak leads an uncertain Iris into his apartment, closes the door, and turns the lights on, low. Smiling, he pulls not one, but two small foil packets out of his pants pocket, and murmurs into Iris’ ear, ‘Don’t worry, I come prepared!’ and with one quick motion rips open both single-cup servings of Sanka.” –Charterstoned

Dear Diary: Today, I’m finally going to convince Beetle to walk out into the void. If he makes it through the endless nothingness, maybe he can warn the government about General Halftrack’s cloning experiments. Beetle may be our only hope of stopping him.” –Super Luigi 64

Dear Diary: Next week I’m going to be walking with Beetle and Blips will remark that I always write about things that happen a week in advance. That’s it. That’s the extent of my powers. I can predict the future with 100% accuracy but I can’t alter it in any way. It’s a curse. Oh well!” –made of wince

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