Metapost: Still digesting comments of the week
You’re all mostly sleeping off Thanksgiving dinner and/or interacting with your beloved family and friends, but I will remind you that a mere week from today my beloved live Los Angeles comedy show, the Internet Read Aloud, will be happening again! Come again and laugh, for the first time!
And though my COTW list is a bit truncated due to holiday travel madness, I think you’ll be pleased with this comment of the week:
“Sheriff Tait is simply surprised to hear one of the performers speaking directly from within the ludicrously unconvincing horse costume, rather than through the grotesque ventriloquist’s dummy ‘riding’ on its back. He is unused to fourth-wall-breaking innovations in this most traditional of local artforms.” –butsuri
And these runner ups are as tasty as leftover pie!
“Mental note to never, ever watch a porno starring ‘Woofus Magnolia.’” –Doctor Handsome
“I always knew Sarge was a traitor, but I didn’t realize he was secretly an agent of the Duchy of Burgundy.” –Schroduck
“Aw man, he’s got the same sort of overconfidence that did in Saviors A through Y. I can see we’re going to have to break out the Greek letters.” –Peanut Gallery
“If the Phantom isn’t careful, he’s going to fly right into that guy’s gigantic nostrils. Of course, that may be his plan — the nose is the gateway to the brain, and a skull mark on the old medulla oblongata will put down the hardiest of opponents.” –Voshkod
“Where exactly is Crock’s roadkill coming from? As far as I can remember Crock has never shown a road crossing their endless yellow hellscape, let alone an automobile. Are they importing roadkill? Has Snuffy Smith finally found a profitable local industry in roadkill export? Will the sale of crushed possum to foreign markets with a taste for exotic American meats finally be the key to pulling Hootin’ Holler out of the 1929 depression? I have so many questions.” –Escape Zeppelin
“His desperation for arm-if-not-wife clears up some questions. It saves the Parkers the trouble of going to the library and scrolling through microfiche until they find the old headline ‘ACCIDENT CLAIMS DOCTOR’S MASTURBATING ARM.’” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women
“It seems that in the early stage of the animalpocalypse, every species fought for itself alone, like these pigs trying to eat this chicken. The animalpocalypse could have gone differently, with some species carving a role in the human society as Quislings or, more optimistically, with a gradual evolution towards equality within the rule of law. Was there a charismatic leader who was able to forge a United Front of all the animals against the Humans? Who was this animal-Lenin, who stood against any compromise and for the complete collapse of the human society? And yet, even his revolution completed its cycle: chickens and pigs might live in harmony, but fishes are still the underclass and everyone lives in fear of the vulpine KGB.” –Ettore
“That sly Dog Grandma knew Dog Grandpa couldn’t resist her cookies, which is why she baked enough chocolate chips into them to take care of the old guy for good. If Dog Grandson has to go too, well, that’s just unfortunate collateral damage.” –BigTed
“I Have A Mouth Yet I Can’t Scream” –janphar, on Twitter
“Well, it may not be Big Bird, but it was a bird. It had a mother and a father, and probably knew other birds, and was part of its environment, and now it’s gone from the world forever, and I’m a little sad about it. But you’re right, it is reassuring to know we’re not going to eat a man in a bird costume. Thank you for that.” –A Concerned Reader
“Last sight seen by countless sandwiches. #sandwichvision” –Pat Ferruzza, on Facebook
And though it’s a bit too long to get COTW honors, we need to honor faithful reader Schroduck for taking my joke about a bluegrass version of “99 Problems” and making it a reality! “Cos I’m old and I’m white and my hat’s real quaint?/ Do I look like a soothsayer Sir, cos that I ain’t.”
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