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Blondie, 2/15/18

“Never have Olympic events tasted so good! That’s because Olympic events are abstract concepts. Sure, I could devour the equipment (dangerous) or the competitors (monstrous) — but how do you eat the idea of speed skating or hockey? Well, now I can, because my beloved wife has given them substance, in the form of, I guess, little cakes or whatever.” You know how the International Olympic Committee is super litigious and often tries to prevent unaffiliated companies and organizations from infringing on their trademarks, even sometimes extending to the word “Olympics”? Usually I think this is dumb, but I kind of wish they’d step in with Blondie this week, to stop the madness.

Dick Tracy, 2/15/18

Oh, ha ha, it’s called “Pepper’s” and the owner is named “Ghost,” like ghost pepper, ha ha, and also he’s a terrifying eyeless chalk-fleshed nightmare? Anyway, there are two ways this could go: Either this demon is going to murder Simon in some unspeakable way and walk away with his money, or he’s going to explain that Simon’s suitcase full of cash won’t buy Pepper’s but does represent the franchise fee necessary to license the Pepper’s brand and menu so he can open his own Pepper’s, an arrangement where everybody wins, especially the customer, who now has a variety of Pepper’s locations to choose from!