Your comment of the week in a moment but first: there’s a new book out from friend of the blog/RiffTrax writer/hilarious human Conor Lastowka, The Pole Vault Champion Of The Entire Universe, and you need to check it out! It’s got pole vaulting, space aliens, micronations, and the Olympics — what’s not to love? Conor also wrote Gone Whalin’, so you know it’s gonna be good stuff. Is it related somehow to the Far Side Memes group Conor also created? I’m not actually sure, but you need to get onboard with all his multi-platform #content.
But you guys make content too, and here’s the top content-unit from you this week: this week’s comment of the week!
“On the ground below, Carlos Alora readies his 40-foot extension ladder and once again tries to suppress his abject fear of heights. It’s Thursday. And the house plants Mary had firmly instructed him to place on the outside of the fixed windows in her apartment… Must. Be. Watered. The metal creaks ominously as, with the watering can clenched in his teeth, Carlos shakily begins his weekly climb from hell.” –Charterstoned
The runners up are also hilarious!
“I hope this arc ends with Rachel Ray or Martha Stewart or some other big-shot suing Mary for branding a recipe that she wrote down off of the TV one morning. After all, seeing what Mary ‘can’ cook, this is the only plausible explanation.” –Dimensionalotter
“I cherish Mary’s bitterness in the penultimate panel. ‘Those assholes who read Ask Wendy never bother to ask, Hey, Wendy, what’s your real name? They actually think Wendy is a real person. Can you imagine that? Jesus, what a bunch of dumbshits.’” –Joe Blevins
“Oenophiles the world around recommend a dog’s bed for long term wine storage.” –nescio
“Well, you heard it here first: Ed is so careless with his pills that he is singlehandedly driving up the price of pharmaceuticals at a national level. While those dopes in Washington argue over risk pools and pre-existing conditions, they could solve the whole thing with just one well-aimed drone strike.” –pugfuggly
“Wow; Gil Thorp gives a big hint about its politics in the second panel of today’s strip, which features a black hand throwing a white towel. The Black Hand, of course, supported a unified Serbia and is best known for the assassination of Archduke Francis Ferdinand, which ignited the First World War. But here, the Black Hand is throwing the white flag, the traditional symbol of surrender. Down with the Black Hand, down with unified Serbia, eh, Gil? I knew from the start that you were Herzegovinian nationalist. I bet Thorp is the name they gave you at Ellis Island because the immigration officer couldn’t figure out all the diacritics.” –Voshkod
“You’d think after 50 years of this annual tradition of celebrating New Years on February 5th by devouring an entire box of moldy, ancient candy that his wife would be vaguely aware of it.” –Aphthakid
“‘I like the Beatles.’ ‘I eat beetles every day!’ ‘I like the ’Stones.’ ‘I spit those out.’ ‘I like The Who.’ ‘What?’ ‘No, Who.’ ‘Who… who?’ ‘Oh, are you part owl?'” –Hogenmogen
“Rex is now impressed because, to him, a ‘hobby shop’ is what he calls a medical practice.” –Where’s Rocky?
“Everything about the Perfesser’s date — from his not-so-subtle ‘I like the KINKS and DATING MYSELF’ hints to her cruel undatelike demeanor and use of the taunting double-entendre ‘KEEP BORING ME’ — suggests this is an elaborate humiliation roleplay organized through whatever the bird equivalent of Craigslist is (Craneslist? Eggslist?). Everything, that is, except the pink turtleneck.” –Schroduck
“[folds arms, looks bored] Whatever, I’ve never even heard of the Doors. I don’t own a TV, and I have a lot of thoughts on David Foster Wallace. This date is supposed to be going badly for me.” –Dan
“Crankshaft has the form of a three-panel comic with a punchline, but the payoff is just Crankshaft’s confused face, his veneer of belligerence stripped away to reveal a vulnerable old man whose body is breaking down so much he can’t even handle the medicine that’s supposed to slow the breakdown of his body. Which is punchline enough! God knows it gives me more pleasure than all the strip’s jokes combined.” –matt w
“Quick question: A school bus isn’t considered ‘heavy’ machinery, is it?” –BigTed
“Sell me a muffin and I eat for a day, Mary. But give me a muffin and June Brigman draws ninety-eight panels of me sitting on your couch over the course of three months.” –Hopester
“Mary does not care if her name will adorn her muffins for she knows that each one will be shaped like her iconic head, lovingly mass baked in MW-shaped muffin tins. And each one will come with the slogan, ‘Eat, this is my body’ because Mary is the true savior of ungrateful, sinful humanity.” –McCapwell
“Looks like the setup for a murder mystery, Dial B for Boring.” –Liam
“‘Did you listen to to Jorge’s game on the radio last night?’ ‘No, I’m out of potatoes and couldn’t power up my wireless set. Seriously… radio?’” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women
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