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Hey all! TONIGHT, the Internet Read Aloud, my free monthly comedy show in Los Angeles, returns to the stage in Los Angeles and is free! We’ve got a great lineup, and, I’m just going gently whisper, “a special robot guest star.” Here’s the Facebook event!

AND, as a certified Internet expert, I’ve officially determined that this whole “Facebook” business is “here to stay,” so I made a standalone Facebook page for not just this month’s show but the show as, like, an abstract concept. Please “like,” “share,” and “enjoy” if you want updates on future shows and random Internet-themed jokes over the course of the month!

And now, with that out of the way: it’s time for the comment of the week, y’all:

“If this storyline doesn’t wind up with Wilbur shooting a stranger on a beach, that Camus quote will have been wasted.” –Truckosaurus

The runners up are similarly hilarious!

And my shower radio doesn’t work! Now the soundtrack to my showers, and my life, is the sound of my own heaving sobs!” –Roto13

“Seeing that everyone is in their underwear, at least it’s a fair fight.” –Rusty

“Noooo! If I don’t take my pills I turn into a decent human being!” –Peanut Gallery

“What I love about Ed Crankshaft is his stubborn refusal to learn from his mistakes. It’s not his fault that his whip-the-open-pill-bottle-towards-your-flat-palm method results on so much spilled medication. It’s the useless doctors never giving him enough extra to cover his losses and the darned interior decorator that put the refrigerator too close to his pill-taking spot.” –jroggs

“The Flagstons’ attempt to become one of the happy Italian-ish families in an Olive Garden commercial has only made them more miserable. Maybe it’s because Dad is ‘home from work’ (i.e., probably fired) at 4 p.m.” –BigTed

“All I can think about is how large and spacious those aircraft seats look. Forget First Class; nature magazine writers fly Zeroth Class!” –JJ48

“Dennis would prefer to hunt live prey, sink his fangs into the living, wriggling bodies, hearing their spines snap against the force of his jaws, and taste their still-warm, spilling blood… or he can just finish his plate of chocolate chip cookies that he’s having for dinner.” –Hogenmogen

“Marvin’s production of The Lion King was not well received. Reviews ranged from ‘A tepid interpretation’ to ‘unspeakably offensive.’ All audiences agreed, the increased scatological content was a serious misstep.” –Dan

“Oh, Dennis, you need to focus on the true existential horror: that all of us are a collective of billions upon billions of small animal lives and any sense of self you have is an illusion that evolved to ensure their survival and reproduction. Amateur.” –Dread

“Aside from the hairstyle the girl Rusty is speaking to looks exactly like his mother, which, aside from the Oedipal overtones, makes sense since she’s the only person in Rusty’s life who actually spends any time with him.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“Dear Pete: You’re being a little ambiguous. I suggest that sentence should read: ‘Comic shop owner Rusty Staples was working late in his comic shop, when a wall of water smashed into the comic shop that he owned, where he was working late, with comics.’ You’re welcome.” –Tom the Sailor Man

“Mopey Pete hasn’t come up with an origin story for a character, this is just how his friend Rusty died. He looks excited when telling the story because he’s the only person Pete knew who didn’t die from cancer.” –Rosstifer

“Hagar isn’t the least bit curious about why his wife is talking to Lucky Eddie about ‘the way to a man’s heart’? I’d be curious.” –Joe Blevins

“‘Where’s Wilbur?’: a question nobody else has ever asked or wanted the answer to.” –Ekudamram

“They say that comic strips are always years late to topical events, but this Mary Worth storyline is perfectly on time for ‘sympathy for incels week’ among serious journalists.” –Ettore Costa, on Twitter

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