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Folks, it’s Friday and it’s your FINAL reminder that Conor Lastowka and I will be putting on a special version of the Internet Read Aloud show at SF Sketchfest tomorrow, Saturday, January 18, featuring Bill Corbett of MST3K/Rifftrax, Laser Malena-Webber of the Doubleclicks, standup Natasha Muse, and more!

Tickets are limited so buy some now!

And now … it’s time for your COTW:

“Look, kudos to Dick Tracy. The bad guy said a line that doesn’t actually make any sense (without ice powers), his henchman called him on it, and he admits he’s having trouble coming up with a better one. That sort of thing should happen all the time. Maybe Bruce Wayne can afford to spend twelve hours a day practicing witty repartee, but for everyone else, this would be much more realistic.” –pachoo

Your runners up are also very funny!

“So, whoever is doing art for Mort Walker’s Beetle Bailey these days is pondering what a U.S. Army base is like. ‘Uh … shovels? Maybe a water tower?’” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“Unplanned nap? At MY age? It’s pretty much a REGULAR thing! Unfortunately, that’s the only REGULAR thing about my metabolism these days! Sorry about your COUCH! But the stain isn’t THAT much uglier than that zombieskin GRAY anyway!” –Probably the Real Shrug, But Only Josh and Uncle Lumpy Know for Sure (Well, I suppose I, Shrug, do as well, but — oh NO! What a GIVEAWAY!)

“Iris asks whether there’s a cure, and the doctor replies that ‘your symptoms can improve a great deal.’ What does that mean? Her symptoms are that she’s gaining weight and losing her hair. ‘You’re going to die, but you’ll be thin as a rail, and your hair will really shine!!!’” –seismic-2

“Damn, Zak’s doctor is so dignified that his gray hair has gray streaks.” –TheDiva

“Thanks, Josh, for reminding us that this is Thyroid Awareness Month. Because I wasn’t being aware of my thyroid. Now I am. I can feel it pulsing in my neck, releasing triiodothyronine and thyroxine. Another lump of weak flesh that makes up this all-too frail sack of water and meat that I call myself. I was trying to forget, but now I’m aware.” –Voshkod

“Reading all of that makes me want to tell Mason to shut the fuck up already, so I have no doubt he’ll be able to portray Les.” –nescio

“I’m glad we’re taking a lengthy period to settle down and talk through this nearly-shocking circumstance. The very possibility that an adult woman might have consumed some alcoholic beverages and taken a nap… goodness, my hands just won’t stop shaking! Thank heavens this horror didn’t really happen in this fictional story!” –jroggs

“A backwards baseball cap?! What a fresh look! It’ll go great with other things the young people of our generation have discovered for the first time ever, like videogames, yo-yos, pizza, skateboards, the environment, and music our parents don’t enjoy.” –BigTed

“Oh, my father was fine, but that fine cedar bench … we’ll never get her back.” –pugfuggly

“Quiet! I’m thinking! Specifically, I’m wondering how we’re carrying on this conversation despite all the gunfire taking place inside this enclosed space!” –JJ48

“#oscarsstillprettywhitebutdon’tworrybecauseweaddedablackreplacementwife” –Scratchy Scrotum LXIX

“The prospect of a larger share in the divorce settlement has gotten Cayla’ s attention.” –Foodar

“The eyes are the window to the soul. This salesclerk has no pupils. If you were wondering what kind of person would up-sell a senile old lady into using her heart pill money for organic birdseed, the answer is right there.” –Tonya

“Look out, Tildy! Rex has got his murderin’ — I mean mercy! — I mean corresponding to actuarial tables! — gloves on.” –pastordan

“‘Thereabouts. Yes.‘ Also the answer Rex gives, when asked whether he got his training at Harvard Medical School.” –Just John

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