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Folks, as we all shelter in place to help flatten the curve on coronavirus transmission, we’re gonna have a lot more time to dick around on the Internet. I plan to keep providing you with fun comics-mocking content, and I expect you to all up your commenting game! Here’s this week’s top comment, as an inspiration

Okay, everybody listen up! I don’t want to hear any more insults until one of you has killed a wild boar and put its head on a stick. Out here, your social constructs are DEAD … so we’re all homeless until we get a shelter built!” –DevOpsDad

And your runners up! Very funny!

“So they went to see a terrible parody film, which turns out to be based on a Star Wars installment no one liked very much, at a time when people are avoiding crowded theaters due to fear of disease. I’ll say one thing for Mary Worth characters — when they get a bad idea, they really stick with it no matter what.” –BigTed

“Today’s strip really does nothing to advance the story, but if the narration box is in fact foreshadowing that eventually Dawn will get run over by a train, then I wholeheartedly approve.” –seismic-2

“OK, this is really concerning. She bought her coffee, got buttonholed by Randy, read him the riot act, walked off in a huff and pitched the coffee cup. When did she drink the coffee? DID SHE JUST WASTE PERFECTLY GOOD COFFEE?!?!” –richardf8

“You’d think the inner dialogue of America’s number one yenta would be more interesting.” –ZeroWolf

“You laugh, but when this plugger wins a Nobel Prize for his Woodchuck Incompleteness Theorem — proving that the very act of granting a woodchuck the ability to chuck wood would make the amount of wood indeterminable — who will be laughing then? Probably still you, because that’s a really dumb thing to get a Nobel Prize for.” –JJ48

“‘Care to explain this?‘ ‘Sure — see, the internet is a global system of interconnected computer networks that uses the Internet protocol suite (TCP/IP) to link devices worldwide. You might want to get a pencil and paper … it gets pretty complicated.’” –Pozzo

Today’s Judge Parker comes out strongly in favor of Plato on two points. First, writing is inferior to oral teaching, because it is fixed. It is much better to have the original author to ask clarifications and further questions. Secondly, democracy is a bane and we should be ruled by a self-appointed class of superior people.” –Ettorre

“See that last panel? That’s Rex at his happiest, which he defines as the absence of unhappiness. It’s so unfamiliar to him that even his facial muscles don’t know what to do, he’s just tensing random muscles like someone was mashing a neural keyboard in his brain.” –pugfuggly

“This … this is Rusty’s LSD hallucination, right? That would explain the changing, misshapen faces and the fact that anyone wants to be Rusty’s friend.” –nescio

“I’m with Baleen on this. The beans won’t burn if you keep them covered with plenty of bilge water, but I would definitely be hesitant to accept a ride to the clinic from a guy who got his nickname from being in so many side-impact car crashes.” –Peanut Gallery

“I don’t know how I feel about this new, smug Rusty … or ‘Smugsty’ as he shall now be known.” –Tonya

“Well, I suppose Jared and I are actually in a relationship, just one in which we don’t have to live with each other or ever have sexual intercourse. I guess you could say we’re ‘Dr. Jeff-ing’. Yeah, that’s it. We’re Jeffing real hard.” –Mighty Sean Young

“Hmmm. A man and a woman are eating lunch together and engaging in stilted inhuman dialogue. Obviously they can only do that if they are aliens from the planet Zaurithian-9 pretending to be human engaged in romantic entanglement.” –2+2=7

“Wait… if Lena wasn’t on the team, what the heck was she doing there? Just coming in to sullenly watch from the shadows? Yeah, that sounds about right.” –The Dimensional Otter

“Great, now this comic has made me imagine how a figure-four leglock would work in a sexual context. I’m sure one of them would still yell ‘Wooo!’” –Rosstifer

“The question makes perfect sense. Monica says she saw them ordering burritos from a food truck, so she was eager to find out what that was on the way to doing. But the answer turns out to be nothing. As a nice touch, you can see her excited smile deflate into a frown, then need to be concealed by a long sip of coffee. The joke is that life is inane and pointless, which isn’t really funny but is always a classic in the newspapers anyway.” –pachoo

“‘Overconfidence was never something the Scapegoats had to worry about. You know what they did have to worry about? Brain-ruining head injuries!’ And they both shared a good laugh.” –Joe Blevins

Sure hope he remembers some of his old wrasslin’ moves. Namely, when old-wrasslin’, don’t apply too much force or the bones will snap like toothpicks.” –Just John

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