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Hello there! Your COTW in a moment, but first: Someone left a comment on the previous post complaining about a video ad that played sound unprompted when they opened my site. They are correct to complain about this, as my current ad providers aren’t supposed to supply video ads at all, let alone ones with sound! However, I can’t diagnose this problem without more info about where exactly the ad appeared, and unfortunately the person did not leave any contact info with their comment. If this was you (or if it wasn’t but you have recently encountered such an ad), please email me at so I can get the details from you. I promise not to be mad, thanks!

I’m definitely not mad about this delightful top comment of the week:

“The only activity these birds seem to do besides work and TV is hanging out in an empty bar being depressed so where they get off acting like the ballet is too lame for them I have no idea.” –jerp jump

And only good vibes come from these hilarious runners up:

“‘I’m wondering why I even bother to see this doctor’ is actually an extremely common attitude among Rex’s patients.” –Ace

“Honestly kinda wild that yesterday Rex and June were laughing about how ridiculous it would be to wear cargo shorts, and today Buck is hanging around in cargo shorts while Mindy insists no, you look great, I bet Rex is going to be so proud of you, he has a lot of respect for you I swear.” –Dan

“Do the animals actually use the parking meters, or did the animals rise to power and keep all the meters full as some sort of sovereign wealth fund?” –DevOps

“‘What do they do now?’ I love that the running joke in the background of most Hi and Lois strips is that Hi has very little idea what is going on with his kids, and, as that quick grab of a magazine attests, not much interest in learning more.” –pugfuggly

“Notice the uneasy look on the unarmed duck bailiff’s face. ‘What am I supposed to do if shit goes down in this courtroom? Tackle this guy? He’s twice my height and has vampire fangs! Vampire fangs!’” –Joe Blevins

“‘They text me the links.’ ‘The links? Like, golf links? Sausage links? Links in the chain? That’s crazy talk, you sound crazy, Lois.’” –Voshkod

“So, Dollar Bill only wears a dollar bill in his headband? What a disappointing Dick Tracy villain. I would have expected him to, say, have gotten plastic surgery to look like Washington, then dye his hair green and wear it in an absurd rectangle framing his face.” –Emily Riposte

“Talking about what the interchangeable kids might possibly do in a game is even more boring than talking about what they’re actually doing.” –TheDiva

Are you two back together now? Because usually when a man brings a lady her favorite smoked salmon brand, it means he’s trying to court her, so I assumed you’d finally gotten over what’s-her-stripper-name and succumbed to my charms. No one likes a tease, Tommy.” –jenna

“The germ of an idea was planted in Dollar Bill’s mind. No, there was no instruction manual for street corner drug dealers. At least, not yet. But he could put his insight and years of experience to work, allowing others to benefit. And so the book that would eventually become known as ‘People’s Exhibit A’ was born.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Knock it off with the yuks and get those balls silky smooth they way I like ’em.” –nescio

“You know Santa doesn’t like you when he gives you a black and green candy cane. What is that, creamed spinach and licorice? That’s just savage.” –made of wince

“As someone who’s had to wait in many a long-ass Santa line, I’m here to tell you that there is never any reason to smile. Not while your child is sitting on Santa’s lap, and you’re hoping that they behave and quickly ask for the thing you already bought them, and certainly not while you’re waiting in said line, where you grit your teeth while every other kid sits on Santa’s lap, willing them to hurry the hell up so you can go home. So I say, to Siena and her parents, and I say this with as much holiday cheer as I can muster: Go to hell.” –Carsick Yankee

“Is no one going to comment on the fact that in Gil Thorp’s world, some cars are descendants of the Israelites and some, like Doug Guthrie’s, are gentile?” –Sherry Chiger

Emotional eating? With your drab personality? No wonder you’re losing weight!” –Just John

“There is a lot of confusion on the degree of overlap of the circles for ‘cruel’ and ‘capable in a fight’ on a Venn diagram. Being the former doesn’t preclude being the latter, but it is very much not a surefire indicator.” –Tom

“The reason a lot of people can’t understand what’s going on in Funky Winkerbean is something called ‘forced perspective.’ The band figures look a bit large, too.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“Leroy’s going to be so angry he’s not going to notice the taste of rat poison. Well played, Loretta.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“I admire the Boss’s commitment to the division of labor and proper job roles. He could easily grab the gun on the bar and shoot these two intruders, but NO! He hired goons to do that and by God, if those goons aren’t going to do that, he will stand around and complain about them! This is going on their quarterly performance review, darned it!” –Dread

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