Metapost: [to the tune of that “Phantom of the Opera” riff] C ……….. OTW
Post Content
Folks! It’s time for your comment! Of! The week!
“Eve is putting on a masterclass in acting here. The leap from ‘There’s got to be a way to escape from Screaming Young J. Jonah Jameson, and I’ve just got to think of it, THINK!’ in panel one to the expansive ‘What the HELL, dog?!? Are you getting SHOT?’ in the exciting denouement is downright Streep-ian.” –Vice President John Adams
Also? Time for your hilarious runners up!
“So in Slylock’s world an Instagram video of birds bathing counts as pornography, right?” –nescio
“I’m particularly drawn to Max throwing up deuces and taking a selfie, at Harry’s place, when the reason everyone has phones out is to watch Harry’s video and not do their own thing. I have to imagine Max sees this as his ticket to build his own #brand and escape Slylock’s shadow.” –Morgan Wick
“Feels like I’m fergittin sumpin. But what? Did I fergit to mark this deck? Did I fergit t’hide an ace up my sleeve? Did I fergit to call the boys and tell em to hit this game at se’en thirty with ski masks and Mossbergs? Did I fergit to call them other boys to meet us afterwards and exchange this here poker money for central ‘Merican narcotics? Did I fergit to call the Sher’ff to hit the meet so he can arrest everyone else, confiscate the money and drugs, and then split them with me? Did I fergit to set up the cam’ra so’s I can git blackmail evidence on the Sher’ff so he’ll be in my hip pocket till we’re both dead? Oh, Snuffy, you ol’ rascal, if you keep playing the game five moves ahead, you’re gunna miss the moments right in front o’ you.” –jroggs
“How did Slylock figure it out? He turned the phone over to the tech boys, who checked locational data and metadata, easily placing the ape at the bank. Then they wrote up a report for the fox, who asked them to dumb it down a bit for him, so they rewrote it, and the fox finally got it. The fox claimed credit for everything with the prosecutor, as always, and got all the publicity, while the tech boys sat in their lonely basement office playing Minecraft.” –Voshkod
“Taking care of something else helps us forget that we’re just insignificant specs of dust, hurtling through space at millions of miles per hour, without a defined purpose!” –Ace
“A broken heart doesn’t matter if it’s ‘Choc-Lit’, the great new literary genre that’s just long detailed descriptions of people consuming chocolate. It’s not porn, but it’s not not-porn, if you know what I mean.” –pugfuggly
“There are many ways to draw two small children whose mouths are stained with chocolate. All are wrong. Making them look like they have three-day stubble is one of the more wrong ones.” –matt w
“I don’t care if you’re from Lawrence, Kansas — if you’re a doctor, you’re not a plugger! What’s next? Plugger software engineers? Plugger ad execs? Plugger hedge fund managers? Will we learn that the plugger private jet is when you’re the only person in first class on your red-eye flight into Silicon Valley?” –Schroduck
“Oh, yeah, and later Max ate him while he slept, so it’s all good.” –Pozzo
“Why does he look so worried? Go for it, man! Go get that shred of pork meat! Don’t live in fear anymore, running your tongue repeatedly over the gristly abomination stuck in your bicuspids, wondering if pigs really are smarter than dogs, wondering how you can live with yourself, turning yourself into a great big bundle of guilt and nerves. Just pick out that flesh particle. Pick it out and swallow it again, in fact, because you are one carnivorous son of a bitch!” –made of wince
“I don’t appreciate Mister Wilson’s gaze being directed at the reader in this panel. It feels like he’s inviting me into his weird power play with a literal child, and I honestly want no part of that.” –Seb
“Shoe, still running about ten years behind, reminds us of the Golden Era when our government possessed the dignity and grace of clowns.” –Dread
“Well, in Dick Tracy’s defense, it is money, and it is in the dirt, so, technically…” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women
“Dennis is the perfect mascot for the fossil fuel industry’s fight against climate change legislation. ‘Why should we save the future for a bunch of little shits like this?’” –DevOpsDad
“Having spent the last ten days dealing with outdoor temps that ranged from seventeen below to eight above, F, I see Dick’s light coat and lack of gloves and no scarf or ear protection, and my first thought is ‘dimwit.’ But then I look at that chin and realize that he’s just tougher than the average detective. Not smarter, but tougher.” –Poteet
“It’s understandable to be confused, I think this it the first time Thel has spoken since, like, 1973? Somewhere in there, Nixon was definitely president.” –Dan
“No one’s carrying you? Not even Jesus? Has that motivational poster been deceiving us this whole time?” –Duke of Early Grey
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30 replies to “Metapost: [to the tune of that “Phantom of the Opera” riff] C ……….. OTW”
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
nescio
February 13th, 2021 at 5:54 am Reply
Leroy’s Valentine to Loretta says “Go fuck yourself because I won’t.”
Phil Micucci
February 13th, 2021 at 6:19 am Reply
The Lockhorns: Loretta still gets a card each year from Bill Clinton. How she misses that cigar.
Ukulele Ike
February 13th, 2021 at 6:25 am Reply
In the early 1960s during the heyday of teevee Western dramas and adventure shows, they had a short stint as The Lockhorns of Laramie. Leroy was a handsome young roving cowpuncher and Loretta a shapely beauty who worked in the cookhouse making flapjacks (running joke: she always burned them!)
As readership declined and the rural TV series were canceled one by one, Hoest got them married and moved them to Levittown, when they eventually turned into the cranky big-nosed blobs we love so much today.
Barnaby Scones
February 13th, 2021 at 10:25 am Reply
The evening is going to take quite the turn when Eve trips over the dogs.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Maude R. Fawker
February 14th, 2021 at 5:56 am Reply
Pluggers: It’s Valentine’s Day, and to mark the occasion, a bear is about to fuck a kangaroo.
FrankLee MeiDere
February 14th, 2021 at 7:35 am Reply
Pluggers: And I think we now know more about Bernard Whitacre’s underwear than we ever wanted to know.
Scrotey McJuicyfart
February 14th, 2021 at 8:52 am Reply
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: You mean Bernard “Skid Mark” Whitacre?
You mean Bernard “Juicy Fart” Whitacre?
Rube
February 14th, 2021 at 5:50 am Reply
Luann is going to fuck her dog, right?
Sequitur
February 14th, 2021 at 4:02 pm Reply
Luann: You sure won’t want to taste whatever TJ is cooking when he’s done making love to it.
And we know what Tiffany will be doing with the handle of that makeup brush.
Mike Litterest-Ingalls
February 14th, 2021 at 9:14 am Reply
@Danielakiiki: Luann- Ok, I’m curious fellow ‘Mudges. How do the rest of you interpret the Tiffany panel in todays strip? Me, I think it shows that she not only has come to terms with her new body image but has grown to love it. But I’m sure that wasn’t the Evansii’s intent.
She’s primping for her date with a pair of D-cell batteries.
brendancalling
February 14th, 2021 at 8:35 am Reply
Luann: The Trufans are out in force today. Here’s a sampling;
w16521 13 minutes ago
Brad and Toni are such a hot couple. Sex every night!
dayle2 about 2 hours ago
I’d be Luann in this scenario; been very happily by myself (NEVER lonely) for 27 yrs now (I’m 61) and yup, I have a Yorkie I rescued 7 mos ago and 2 cats I got stuck with as kittens 5 yrs ago; who could ever be lonely with a pet or two?
comic reader 22 about 4 hours ago
What a curious looking teddy bear, now we know why Shannon is the way she is! lol! I vote for Puddles. Dogs know what unconditional love is!
Brdshtt Premium Member about 9 hours ago
Understandable. I have had a longer relationship with my 1978 Pioneer SX 3900KU, my matching equalizer, matching dynamic expander, matching two effect reverb, matching cassette deck, my 1979 JVC La – 55 turntable with an Audio Technica AT 14sa cartridge with Shibata stylus, my 1979 Klipsch Corner horns, and my 1979 Synergistics S – 70’s than I have had with my wife of 30 years. I figure she would have been only 13 or 14 when all those components were new. She is definitely the preferred Valentine’s companion for me, for now, for always, and there is no one like her; I could not have custom ordered one better.
Now, if I really crank on that system, it gets a tad warm. Now, her, she be hot… ?8 ^ )
AND FINALLY:
Brdshtt Premium Member about 10 hours ago
Happy Valentines Day to all! Frank is going to be wearing that bowl of popcorn when Nancy discovers Frank put a hole in the bottom of the bowl and has a surprise waiting in there for her!
Frank is a sneaky devil. Always be wary of bowl placement…
Happy Valentines Day from the Shut-Ins that live vicariously through this awful strip!
GeoGreg
February 14th, 2021 at 7:34 am Reply
MW: “My therapist said yesterday doesn’t exist anymore. That’s why she prescribed me a cocktail of roofies and Ambien.”
Charles Nelson, really!!!
February 14th, 2021 at 10:58 am Reply
@I speak Jive:
At that time he was such an unpleasant person that people at the pool party made remarks about him. If he’s such a nice person now because of Greta, does that mean that he was in a toxic relationship with Bella?
For that answer,you’ll have to consult Mary’s security tapes…anyone got a working VCR?
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I speak Jive
February 14th, 2021 at 8:14 am Reply
Mark Trail – Get a room!
2+2=7
February 14th, 2021 at 9:01 am Reply
REX MORGAN M.D.: I don’t know why this comic is smothered in word balloons because the only thing Buck is hearing from Nurse Winfrey is “LOOPHOLE ABUSE!” while fiendishly rubbing is hands together.
I speak Jive
February 14th, 2021 at 8:14 am Reply
Rex Morgan – Okay, we got an in depth regurgitation of pamphlets on cataract surgery and diabetes. Time to move on.
I’m crushed that Buck isn’t in a diabetic coma or recovering from having his feet amputated. That snarky narration box is dead to me.
Snarky Narration Box
February 14th, 2021 at 8:57 am Reply
@I speak Jive: That snarky narration box is dead to me.
But am I, I speak Jive, REALLY?
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Liam
February 15th, 2021 at 4:32 am Reply
FW-“Uh, this flute smells a bit fishy.”
Snarky Narration Box
February 15th, 2021 at 6:12 am Reply
Rex Morgan: “Buck finishes his chat with his nutritionist. The extreme close-up made him briefly wonder whether she was wearing any clothes at all. He put those thoughts aside and went to find his pink-haired love goddess.”
GeoGreg
February 15th, 2021 at 7:50 am Reply
MW: Eve should get a horse. They generate a much larger volume of excrement than a dog, which means they are even more helpful, right?
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BigTed
February 16th, 2021 at 4:34 am Reply
Mary Worth: Oh, look, he’s wearing a white T-shirt under his button-down and tie. What are those called? Right. Yeah, I don’t think we want to call them that anymore.
pugfuggly
February 16th, 2021 at 5:17 am Reply
MW: I feel like this is proof that Mary Worth is reading the comments. “Oh, was the tripping thing not enough for you? Ok fine, Eve was actually married to Yosemite fucking Sam in a Gap outfit!”
N.L. Urker, the Phillips screwdriver of the gods
February 16th, 2021 at 7:36 am Reply
MW: I occasionally watch contemporary western Longmire. One of the characters in Longmire is female deputy Vic who also fled from Philadelphia. Eve is just like Vic. Except Vic fled to Absroka County, Wyoming and Vic has big boobs. Other than that they’re the same. Oh and Vic doesn’t have a dog.
Weaselboy
February 16th, 2021 at 8:20 am Reply
MW: Boy, it’s a good thing no one shot at Saul and Eve when they were out on their walk. That really would have been a trigger, so to speak.
The Mighty Captain E
February 16th, 2021 at 8:00 pm Reply
MW – The dog is airborne and pretty stretched out and that may have a way of, uh, flattening things out, but there is detail to this artwork enough that if that were a male dog there would still have to be some sort of protuberance. This Max looks to be more of a Maxine. This is what my Zoology Degree has finally led me to.
Dennis Jimenez
February 16th, 2021 at 9:04 am Reply
MW – I guess in MW, a penciled-thin mustache signifies a pretty high level of evil – even darker than Mr. Mooney – that’s for sure….*
Adios Amigos, DJ.
* Note – I hate all forms of domestic violence and gun violence
The Breathtaking Bonehead Brothers
February 16th, 2021 at 6:08 am Reply
Pluggers: Is Dr. John Bellome any relation to Haywoodjia?
Artist formerly known as Ben
February 16th, 2021 at 8:55 am Reply
Marvin: I’ll take “Jokes That Didn’t Really Need All of Three Panels to Tell” for $600, Alex.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
richardf8
February 16th, 2021 at 12:19 pm Reply
Luann – D’awww. Jack wants to strike up a bromance with Ben, but Bernice won’t even let THAT happen.
The Dimensional Otter
February 17th, 2021 at 4:36 am Reply
Mr. Wilson doesn’t seem to be asking Martha, but rather (seeing on the way he’s facing) Us.
Can he see us riffing…? Does he see a world beyond being a simple drawing…?
This is the most menacing thing I’ve seen in this comic yet.
Voshkod
February 17th, 2021 at 6:36 am Reply
I’m not one to condemn the artwork in Dennis the Menace (life’s too short, right?), but when you can’t even draw a recognizable light switch, it’s time to put the pens down. It’s not a standard switch; it’s not a dimmer switch. It’s an ‘L’-shaped thing. L, as in loss, or loser, or lost.
OK, I won’t praise the artwork, but I will praise the self-awareness. Carry on.
Rocky the Flipped-Out Squirrel
February 17th, 2021 at 4:40 am Reply
Dennis the Menaced: “Hey Mr. Wilson!” (in the Jay North voice) “Grape-juice stains on me gotta look better than that big lemonade stain on your lap!”
Dennis Jimenez
February 17th, 2021 at 9:12 am Reply
DtM – Careful, Dennis – I have the feeling this is leading to a Dirty Sanchez….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
Hail Mary: Max wants a date with Lassie. They can discuss ways to keep Eve out of old wells and abandoned mines.
Edith Head
February 17th, 2021 at 10:00 am Reply
There indeed is a crime in Mary Worth! Eve, dear, we don’t want to wear the exact same blouse in a flashback!!
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mike Litterest-Ingalls
February 17th, 2021 at 6:55 am Reply
9CL: Near as I can tell, Amos is saying he could see her engorged labia when her leotard rode up that one time.
Unca $crooge
February 17th, 2021 at 9:36 am Reply
9CL “Let’s cut to the chase, Amos. When you saw me back then, did you go home and choke the chicken?
“Choke the chicken?”
“God you’re hopeless sometimes. Masturbate because of how hot I was.”
“Home?”
TheDiva
February 17th, 2021 at 6:30 am Reply
Pibgorn: Fourteen. She’s fourteen.
Bryan
February 17th, 2021 at 6:41 am Reply
PIBGORN: Just a reminder that despite her appearance, this girl is thirteen years old (she was fourteen in the first go-round but for the reboot Brooke decided to make it even more inappropriate.)
Ukulele Ike
February 17th, 2021 at 7:51 am Reply
Pibgorn: Come on, all you haters — who amongst us could pass up the opportunity to give an impromptu blowjob to a naked monk in a lake?
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2+2=7
February 17th, 2021 at 7:18 am Reply
REX MORGAN M.D: When I started treating the pie I received In the drive-through the same way Jason Biggs did, I knew I “overdid it.”
Old School Allie Cat
February 17th, 2021 at 8:07 am Reply
Luann – In all the many years of Bernice, I don’t think her glutes have been, even once, anything but clenched.
DevOpsDad
February 18th, 2021 at 4:52 am Reply
Dennis is the perfect mascot for the Fossil Fuel industries fight against climate change legislation… “Why should we save the future for a bunch of little shits like this?”
Mysterious Shirtless Lawyer
February 18th, 2021 at 7:24 am Reply
Dennis the Menace
“Margaret is always talking about the climate. I dropped trow and I told her, “Hey, listen, bitch, you can climb it any time you want.”
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Flonatin of Bologna
February 18th, 2021 at 5:10 am Reply
CS: Haha, like Ed has ever registered to vote.
Just John
February 18th, 2021 at 6:21 am Reply
6ix Chix: Better movie riffs:
“Here’s looking at you, fish.”
“My name is Inanga Moray. You killed my fish. Prepare to fry.”
“May the fish be with you, Luke.”
“Yippee-ki-yay, Motherfisher.”
“Houston, we have a fish.”
“Lionfish and tigersharks and bear sea creatures of some kind, OH MY!”
“I’m Fishman.”
“Keep your friends close, but your fish closer.”
“Fish. James Fish.”
“Mama always said life was like a box of fish. You never know what gross thing you’re gonna get.”
The Dimensional Otter
February 18th, 2021 at 7:16 am Reply
6C: “Marvin fishes his pants” sounds a lot worse than I could have ever possibly imagined.
Little Guy
February 18th, 2021 at 9:46 am Reply
Soylent Fish is PEOPLE!
I speak Jive
February 18th, 2021 at 9:03 am Reply
MW – This has gone off the rails. Severe domestic abuse and violence, and all they can talk about is that Max is a good boy. Of course, this is the strip that cured depression by singing karaoke.
Little Blue Bicycle
February 18th, 2021 at 9:23 am Reply
MW: “I’ve learned a lot from Greta. For example, after dinner I like to lick myself. If only I was as supple…I can’t seem to reach my private parts. Thoughts?”
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Old School Allie Cat
February 18th, 2021 at 2:40 pm Reply
Gil Thorp – I don’t know if I can say this, but all the white guys in GT look alike to me. I have no idea who fell and lightly sprained his thigh. Was it Pullen McGroin?
Schroduck
February 19th, 2021 at 4:39 am Reply
Shout-out to whoever’s job it is to draw face masks on old Family Circuses (I guess the same person who paints in seat belts and makes the TVs flatter), although they might want to work on finding some way to show who is actually meant to speaking in the panel.
Maude R. Fawker
February 19th, 2021 at 5:17 am Reply
Family Circus: A simple fix to the dialog would have made things clearer. “I’m tired too, and nobody is carrying ME, Thel you sag-titted old slut.” Then there wouldn’t be any doubt that Jeffy was saying it.
Dan
February 19th, 2021 at 6:43 am Reply
It’s understandable to be confused, I think this it the first time Thel has spoken since, like, 1973? Somewhere in there, Nixon was definitely president.
Weaselboy
February 19th, 2021 at 4:56 am Reply
FC: Since she’s wearing a mask, Thel mouths the words “you little asshole” at the end of her line and Jeffy is none the wiser.
nescio
February 19th, 2021 at 5:30 am Reply
FC: I’m not sure whether this is reused artwork or if the artist still thinks stores give you your purchases in boxes tied with string as in Blondie. I only ever see that done today by bakeries (and rarely at that), and given the way Thel’s holding the box, her pastries are smashed to hell.
Guillermo el chiclero
February 19th, 2021 at 6:51 am Reply
FC: Jeffy turned up lame. You’ll have to shoot him, Thel, just like in those old westerns that elderly cartoonists think that kids today still watch.
Peanut Gallery
February 19th, 2021 at 5:21 am Reply
FC – Alternate caption: “‘Spare change?’ Aw, why don’tcha get a job, you little deadbeat!”
RMMD – “Scroll back up, I think I saw a good one. Oops, no, that was a speck of dirt. Could we maybe try this on a device with a screen bigger than a deck of cards?”
pugfuggly
February 19th, 2021 at 5:12 am Reply
RMMD: Every Friday night I sit down with partner and plan out a week’s worth of meals, and even though I love cooking, eating and her, I hate it more than anything. Trying to figure out what will make leftovers, making sure we don’t eat too much of one type of starch, planning what to do with the rest of a bunch of celery because I want it in Tuesday’s soup but what the hell else tastes good with celery in it…it sucks. Anyhow, I’ve never felt more like Buck in my life and that sucks even more.
Tabby Lavalamp
February 19th, 2021 at 5:32 am Reply
As Mindy helps Buck find the best combinations of light seasonings to sprinkle on a steamed, skinless chicken breast, she has to be considering gorging on a bucket of KFC in front of him. That would be a normal, human reaction to Buck.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anonymous
February 19th, 2021 at 4:57 am Reply
Lockhorns : I wonder if this is the censored version, and if Loretta originally talked about knives and forks and other silverware utensils rather than bread rolls.
Mr Moustache
February 19th, 2021 at 5:57 am Reply
Zits – Cancel culture plot is so past history.
Lazy writers.
Ukulele Ike
February 19th, 2021 at 8:52 am Reply
Luann: Obviously, Jack and Nils were lovers. He’s now absent from the strip because he was literally torn apart by Jack’s massive phallus and died of a hemorrhage. (“Rectum? Hell, I killed ‘im!!”)
Thanks, Scratchy.
Thank you, Mr. Scrotum.
Thanks, CIB (Captain Itchy Balls)
Thanks for scratching me where it counts. DJ.
I’m pleased that Ukulele Ike made the Scrotable “Blowjob to a Naked Monk” Joke, although with all the twigs and branches impeding her, I wondered if an included allusion to Euell Gibbons would have been appropriate.
@Little Guy: although with all the twigs and branches impeding her, I wondered if an included allusion to Euell Gibbons would have been appropriate.
I’d pay to watch her eat his twig. Then of course I’d turn myself in to the authorities for having watched.
Oh and Thanks Scratchy!
Congrats to all, and thanks, Scratchy!
…and I just got the title of the post. Well played, Josh.
Congratulations to all the fun(ny) people on the float and thank you to Scratchy Scrotum LXIX.
Thanks! Congrats all. Happy Weekend!!
Thanks for the mentions, Scratchy!
Three Scrotums! That’s something to be proud of! To touch, and feel! And rub!
@23 Ukulele Ike:
And scratch.
@Ukulele Ike: It’s like that old joke. What’s green and has three ball? ET, the Extra Testicle.
@25 Artist formerly known as Ben:
Well, that’s an anatomy anomaly.
Yay, Poteet!
@27 Nehemiah Scudder:
Yay, Nem Scud! (For no reason.)
@Sequitur: 26
An astronomical anatomy anomaly.
No Baja. Did the Shoe comic from a few days ago scare him away?