Sad/gross Sunday
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Crankshaft, 2/7/21
I’m not such a stickler for detail that I’m opposed to a comic strip being established via in-strip dialog as taking plance on a different day of the week than the strip actually runs in the real world, but I do think that you sort of have to have a good reason for doing so, because it’s going to cause a little niggling of dissonance for the reader. Take today’s strip, for example; it’s a Sunday strip — something the format makes impossible to ignore — but within the world of the strip itself, it’s taking place on Thursday. At least the joke it’s in service of is very funny, right? Well, no, not really. But doesn’t the joke require the full muti-panel treatment that only a Sunday strip can provide? I’m afraid that’s not true either.
Dennis the Menace, 2/7/21
When margarine was first introduced to the U.S. in the late 1800s, the butter lobby pushed to undermine sales of it. For a while, it was mandated that pink food coloring be added to it to make its artificial and presumably less appetizing nature clear; though that law was struck down by the Supreme Court, other laws taxed margarine that had yellow food coloring added to make it look more butter-like. What I’m trying to say is that I wonder if today’s Dennis the Menace was the end product of a long, tortuous negotiations that ended with the editors saying that yes, fine, you can do an entire Sunday strip about Dennis picking his nose and even graphically depict boogers, but you have to depict said boogers in a bright yellow color found in no booger that has ever been extracted from a human nose.
130 replies to “Sad/gross Sunday”
DtM: It could be worse. Far worse.
Crankshaft: Sure, Ms. Eldercare, keep the infirm old man working out until long past the point where it’s likely to cause injury. They say “no pain, no gain,” so his gains are sure to be enormous!
Dennis the Menace: I honestly never thought I’d see eight color panels showing nothing but an argument over nose-picking, in a comic that isn’t even Marvin. But if Ketcham & Co. feels like “menacing” my gag reflex, that’s a good way to do it.
Family Circus: I hope this lesson about “the letter of the law” will serve Dolly well when she grows from a young tattletale into a government prosecutor, and also Billy when he grows from an angry child into a very unsuccessful criminal.
Slylock Fox: Doesn’t it seem strange that Slylock has become a nation-hopping Interpol super-detective all of a sudden? I think that’s probably just his cover story, because he wanted to be in a foreign country when Max was “accidentally” killed by hitting his head on a bridge.
RMMD-Go find yourself a new family to live with so you don’t have to live with the shame of having a diabetic father.
MW-Wait until Saul finds out that due to years of abuse Eve likes it rough.
JP-And this will end with them eating slices but not of pizza.
FC-Release the dogs! Jeffy’s trying to make a run for it!
Flash Forward-And Flash Gordon is off Earth protecting it from cosmic menaces while you all are living on Earth protecting it from Earthly menaces.
Crankshaft – Batiuk’s hatred of fitness instructors is so intense, Funky Winkerbean isn’t enough to contain it. It has to spill over into Crankshaft even if that means doing a Sunday strip about a tertiary character hardly anyone will recognize. As the old saying goes, “Christ, what an asshole!”
Crank – Um…three-peat is the registered trademark of former Lakers coach Pat Riley – really – you can’t make this shit up: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Three-peat
DtM – So…um…well…at least sticking it up my ass is still an option, right dad? Comedy gold, baby….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
Dennis – Disgusting premise, bafflingly incoherent dialogue, no punchline… when did the Six Chix team take over Dennis the Menace?
Colored margarine was illegal in Wisconsin, so my grandmother would drive to the Illinois border, where there were enormous warehouse stores that sold nothing else, for a trunkload to resell to family and friends. She was an “oleolegger,” in the local tongue.
Slylock Six Differences – Oh great. I might as well just throw away my favorite recipe for Chicken-on-a-Windowsill.
Twenty years later, when Dennis is a feared Wall Street corporate raider snorting line after line of cocaine off the backs of naked women in the back room of a Macau casino: “No nosebleeds! Wow, he was right. Thanks, Dad!”
Crankenshaft: I think Mr. Meckler has his days confused with the local Taco Bell. No, it’s not two-for-one Tuesday, nor a three-for-one Wednesday, today!
After 2 days’ exercising Mr. Meckler… I think you deserve 2 days’ worth of stuffing yourself at Taco Bell’s.
(If not already mentioned, I’d like to put him in the Death Pool.)
FlunkingWrinkledbrains: “No, still fuzzy, but I just realized I could have had a V-8. Go get me a V-8.”
@LackLuster: Someone has Ralph already, but there are still many other options. The standings as of today:
Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Mr. Gray
N.L. Urker, the Phillips screwdriver of the gods: Ian Cameron
Jroggs: Ruby Lith
Little Guy: Auntie Bellum
Arabella: Nonagenarian Horrible Hank Harwood
Just John: Bianca Xunise (the character, not the “artist”)
UncleJeff: The actress who plays Neddy in the still-in-turnaround movie based on Cavelton politics
Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol: A Random Plugger
richardf8: Buck Wise
ld: Delta
Myrtle: Nurse Michelle (from Rex Morgan)
Zla’od: Doc Davis (from Mark Trail)
White Rabbit: Lillian McKenzie, the loathsome hag
I Speak Jive: Mary the School Bus Driver (from Crankshart)
Old School Alley Cat: Jimmy, Age 8 – in bed
Dr. Pill: Ralph Meckler
Enormous Dump: Marvin
Bryan: Walt Wallet
Sequitur: Sluggo
Austria: Nona (from Sally Forth)
Shrug: Pouch (from Dick Tracy)
Liam: Ann Eiffel
A 22-way tie for first.
In other news, it’s not a tie, but it is a close battle for first place between Les and Bernice. Still time to vote:
https://surveyhero.com /c/1d427476
Oopsy. Wrong link. That was for the original despicable poll, not Dispicable Poll – The Sequel. Use this one:
https://surveyhero.com/c/8a315265
Note that Lillian isn’t getting much hate. And Mary none at all. These are deserving characters.
Can’t wait to read the rest of this week’s hilarious punchlines: four-repeat Friday, six-repeat Saturday, seven-repeat Sunday, and of course million-repeat Monday.
The Argyle Sweater: In what universe is V-8 green?
DT: “Well then, ‘Chief Detective,’ why don’t you go find me an adult who can make deals? I’ll be here, ready to ‘voluntarily cooperate’ after my lawyer says he’s happy. Dumbass.”
SlyF: Ah, another classic conviction by counterfactual clue. I just wish we could see Slylock’s face in court when he’s being cross-examined by a defense attorney who asks him if he’s ever heard of a ferry.
JP: uh, how are we supposed to tell Neddy and Kat apart?
MT: Hey, thanks, Sid! I’ve been hoping to get a gig in the Wildlife genre again. Most of my recent work has played on the Wise Old Owl trope: commercials for community colleges, eyeglasses, and such. So I was glad to get back to my roots, and the Sunday feature in Mark Trail is about as good as it gets!
I’ll admit I didn’t know it was going to be such an up-close-and-personal anatomy lesson! I was afraid for a minute they were going to show my privates (who who who) But I think it came off pretty well, even though I didn’t get the “action scene” I’d practiced for – you know the one – where I swoop in and pin a Squirrel to a tree. “Rodents are their favorite meal” was as far as they wanted to go. Yes, it’s all “feel good” now.
But i do want to complain about the use of the word “hoot” in that last panel. The H-word is now considered a pejorative in our community. That’s why Woodsy doesn’t use the “don’t pollute” phrase any more. It’s now “Lend a hand – care for the land” As I said, all “feel good” now.
RMMD: is this It? Did Dumbass Buck go on a carb feeding frenzy, prick his finger and say oops and that’s it? I’ll be disappointed, at minimum, faint and fall of that bike and wind up concussed..I want more.
@Peanut Gallery:
Ralph Meckler isn’t an obscure tertiary character, he’s a secondary character (ie : Crankshaft’s best friend); it’s just that he doesn’t have an actual personality.
******
Spider-Man : has fainted from fear, and has to be rescued by Ant-Man.
…Seriously, I thought I was at least SLIGHTLY exaggerating when I said “every newspaper Spider-Man where another superhero guest stars is that hero constantly upstaging Spider-man until the end, where Spidey claims victory despite having done next to nothing”.
******
Funky Winkerbean : wouldn’t having two vastly differently eyes in terms of vision make you dizzy, or require corrective lenses, or now Funky needs to wear the eyepatch all the time but switch which eye he’s looking out of whether he’s being near or far sighted?
******
Luann : …just tell Bernice about the order you put the utensils in. If you’re worried that doing so will hurt her feelings and/or she’ll stop doing it entirely rather than just accept it and do it properly next time… well it says a lot about Brad and Luann’s aptitude at doing basic chores, and your perception of Bernice’s ability to receive criticism…
@Tonio: The Argyle Sweater: In what universe is V-8 green?
In fairness, this comic is funny enough to make me say ho ho ho, for the first time since Christmas.
Flyback Socks:
Robur the Conqueror rubbed his feline face. Why the @#$% did people, er, animslocalypters, have to react with incredulity to the simple fact that his vehicle could fly, swim, and drive as he wanted it to? Did this officious red fox and his yellow rodent presume to deny the existence of his marvellous machine? Well, then, he would see to that.
“Gentlemen, ” he purred, “I see that you are in need of an education. Step into my vehicle, the top of which is disguised as a gondola, why don’t you?”
Max Mouse blanched a dirty cream. Unlike his boss, who was only concerned with his arrest quota, he could see past the stupid musical instruments and the fake spectacles. He could see the slavering teeth.
This Dennis the Menace is a perfect illustration of how “because I said so” parenting creates kids who are menaces.
@Tonio: re Argyle Sweater: Notice the tube IS red, only the can is green on the outside.
Great. The Comics Kingdom site is non-functional the second day in a row. Words can barely expressed how badly that website has sucked since they adopted that dumbass droplist.
Bear with me, folks. I’ll have to Google the King strips.
JUNGLE JIM: Don’t forget to save those stamps!
African Springbok
African Kongoni
DtM: “or Will I? Will–I?, Willy?” Implying your father is Willy Loman is downright menacing.
I would have assumed Spider-Man’s guest stars right now would be Scarlet Witch and Vision, since the past ones have usually coincided with Marvel’s movie releases. If the strip were Deadpool, he would be commenting on the obviousness of the promotional tactic.
CS: fwiw my trainer doesn’t tell me to try another set, he tells me to do another set. But I think Ralph Meeker is doing rehab.
The Phantom Vintage: Don’t you love watching old time Phantom fight man-eating grizzly bears.
Question: Are there grizzly bears in Africa?
@Ace: I think Batiuk the one day set aside as “how clear do I have to make it that I don’t give a f*&%” Friday?”. The past year really has gone from self-satisfied bad wordplay to “eh, whatever, just put some words down and hand them to the art monkeys I hired.”
@Tonio: “ JP: uh, how are we supposed to tell Neddy and Kat apart?”
Neddy’s left breast is slightly larger than the right, while Kat is the opposite, with a slightly larger right boob. It’s really obvious if you know to look for it.
Crank: At least if it had been two-for-Tuesday, three-for-Thursday might have seemed like a bit of wordplay. Still no joke but I’d enjoy imagining Meckler suffering through seven-set-Saturday.
S4th- Sure Sal, a ghost named Horatio. That’s GOT to be more comforting than whatever’s going on with the PVC plumbing in a house built in 1978. Not a good year for houses.
DtM – Based on the drop panel title and first panel, I would say this strip depends on the reader’s prior knowledge of the quip “What? Are you digging for gold up there?” Which is nowhere in the strip, but totally something Mr. Wilson would say, I guess we knoe who narced on Dennis.
CS- is he working out at a hospital? She’s dressed as nurse (maybe that’s his kink). If Batuik can’t draw someone in skimpy workout clothes, he should call Brooke- I imagine he’s has cartons of Edda is every stage of undress ready to go.
SlyF – Oh, and as for this weeks mystery, well Slylock is going to commit yet another false arrest, because there’s a Car Ferry to Sardinia.
@Sequitur argues that in light of this, “It’s the accordianist. It’s always the accordianist.”
I am not so sure. On the one hand, if you’re singing Neapolitan street songs in your Venetian gondola for the pleasure of the tourists, you’re already kinda suspect, but if you’re accompanying him on the accordion (not concertina?!?!) you’re pretty shady too. My conclusion?
The rabbit committed the robbery. The Metadata in her photos won’t betray her because she’s a tourist and left the camera set to her home time zone.
However, in an as yet undiscovered crime, the Gondolier and the accordion player stole all the life jackets off the car ferry to Sardinia.
Bottom Right Lockhorns-Women drivers am I right?
@Tonio: You think that’s bad, you should have seen yesterday’s in print! You can’t tell Ronnie apart either. I think it’s a case of Manley saying: “I’m going to put as much effort into Character Design as Ces puts into writing, and no more”
That said, the answer to your question is that Kat’s acting like a snarky jealous asshole, and wearing a blouse with an ugly collar.
@Oswald B. Owl: One question if I may sir, “Who cooks for you? Who cooks for you-all?”
Today’s Dennis the Menace would have been much better if the gag had been tightened to three panels ending with “You’ll thank me one day!”, and the last three panels depicting a progressively aging Henry sitting by the phone waiting for a call that’s never coming.
@Uncle Lumpy: Did she refer to margarine as oleo? My mother used to call it that.
I hate that stuff. It’s butter or nothing.
@Artist formerly known as Ben: Instead of using the drop down menu, scroll to the end of the page. There is a list of comics that you can click on instead.
That drop down menu is a real pain. I discovered the list by accident, and it’s a lot easier.
DtM: Between the title in the first throwaway panel, the coloring, and those glinty lines, it really does look like Dennis’s nose nuggets are meant to be taken as literal gold. I guess Henry wants Dennis to save his golden boogers for later in life. They’re as much of a retirement fund as he’ll ever have.
Frazz – The young teacher (I don’t know her name and don’t care) is a runner like Frazz so is one of Mallett’s superior people. Is every one of his “heroes” a smug, insufferable prick?
9CL – Haven’t we seen this or a variation of it over and over? It’s Groundhog Day with insufferable, oversexed sociopaths.
Speaking of yesterday’s JP, I’m pretty sure Ronnie was wearing a dress and Kat was in workout gear. So after Neddy stormed off, they both got off the sofa, went to the closets, completely changed outfits and returned to the exact same positions on the couch before starting this conversation. Time for pizza!
@Uncle Lumpy: Beat me to it, the state cops used to check car trunks at the border and everything. Which, come to think of it, is why Dennis has never shown up in Wisconsin.
@richardf8: Uh, I hope you’re just making conversation, and not coming on to me. I’m already in a monogamous relationship.
9CL: Oh, I’m sure he’s double-saluting her. Seriously, though, are we supposed to believe both that the swimsuit is so poorly designed that it goes flying off mid-dive and that Edda can reach the water without noticing?
Blondie: Don’t jinx it, Dagwood. The Dude can tell you what happens to things that tie the room together.
Crock: The fact that Maggot killing a guy and burying him in a shallow grave isn’t particularly worthy of note in this strip is in itself kind of notable.
Luann: In context this “What’s up?” carried a clear implication of “Why are you staring into the silverware drawer?” Sorry, Frank. You brought this on yourself.
Phantom: “I mean, obviously not, but now it seems kind of rude to point that out.”
@I speak Jive: Ah, thank you. I didn’t know about the full list at the end.
C’shaft: My workout routine has always been self-guided and sporadic at best, so I wouldn’t know: is “Two-Repeat Tuesday” an actual thing? Or is it something like “vendos” that only exists in Batiuk’s peculiar lexicon?
Anyone else having trouble with Comics Kingdom lately, or is by browser just stupid? Anyway…
9CL: That’s physically impossible, but in Brookeworld “hee hee nekkid lady” trumps all.
HotC: Heart’s mom is a woman after my own…well, heart.
Luann: I hope Bernice stabs her in the eye with those forks.
9CL – Why didn’t he just draw her in a bikini, it would make the gag at least somewhat plausible if just her top comes flying off. It should also land on Amos’ head for maximum laffs.
Just how much of their time do they spend at the pond nowadays? It seems as if ever since the twins were born more that half of the strips feature them up in New Hampshire at this dock. Let’s assume it’s one of the five or six months of the year where it’s warm enough to swim outdoors. And then we subtract the horsefly weeks in late spring. That leaves a very small window where it’s only the leeches you have to worry about. Today, the temperature at Sunapee Lake (“the lake with pee in it!”) is 9 degrees, and it’s a balmy 16 degrees to the south in Milford. (New Hampshire of course not the CT one)
These two are so wealthy and live such lives of leisure … at least it’s always a fascinating glimpse into how sophimsticated inellemectuables live!
NO! You did NOT earn that self-satisfied smirk, lady! Sure, it’s the Funkyverse and everyone thinks they’re a word play genius, but this isn’t even word play. Unless I’m mistaken and that look is just because you enjoy another human’s misery, then please, continue on.
Dustbin: It’s almost like that light bulb is a magnet to Helen’s boobs. In the first panel they are pointed up toward the bulb in the ceiling. They drop in tandem with the bulb in panel two and then settle into their usual spot around the waist in the last panel.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: what are the stats so far on that survey? I’d like to think Cunther and Bernice are getting the lion’s share of hate.
Crankers: Batiuk must’ve been tipped off about Scratchy’s death pool.
Hmmm.
Was Dr. Pill tipped off about Ralph and his evil taskmaster of a physical therapist?
I smell collusion.
PV: A new administration. Deep State agents assisting immigration. A local folklore hero talking about socialism.
I smell conspiracy!
Someone call Congresswoman Greene!
brendancallingFebruary 7th, 2021 at 8:41 am Reply
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: what are the stats so far on that survey? I’d like to think Cunther and Bernice are getting the lion’s share of hate.
* * *
Here they are so far:
https://surveyhero.com/results/299186/af0bb48355482e6e0e4422fb446c2707
It doesn’t look like it will be a Two-peat for Cunther, although Les has a good chance of taking the title after finishing a vote short of Cunther in the original most despicable poll:
https://surveyhero.com/results/179319/85daed64ac68eb52058ede72c642ee1d
To no one’s surprise, Les has tough competition from Bernice. Will he be to the Despicable Poll what Greg Norman was to the Masters?
Mary Worth polled well originally but has been shut out so far on this one?
Those who do the analytics on this site may want to examine the phenomenon. Cunther hasn’t been seen for a while while Bernie has been her usual unpleasant self recently. On the other hand, Les Moore has been absent with his insufferability for a while, and he’s hanging in. This is a testament to Les’s power as a dick.
Please vote if you haven’t already.
Also, I expected a better performance from Lillian the Loathsome Hag.
Wow, I was really expecting the margarine/butter content of today’s Dennis the menace commentary to make reference to the classic Chiffon-brand “When you think it’s butter / but it’s not” (for which read “but it’s snot”, for you whippersnappers out there) ad campaign, and now I don’t know what to do for the rest of today.
@I speak Jive, @pastordan:
Great-grandma Lumpy called it “oleo.” Must’ve been a generational thing — My Mom called it “margarine.” Blue Bonnet was the preferred brand; took me years to work out my kink for the lady on the box (not the current one). All the Lumpy women preferred margarine for baking, but used only butter for cooking.
And yes, there were rumors of cops reluctantly taking down blatant oleoleggers who loaded up in plain view of the border and then drove straight back north. The accepted courtesy was to drive south until just out of sight, then turn around.
Dennis the Menace:
Goldfinger!
It’s the digit
The digit with the Midas touch,
A booger’s touch!
Such a bold finger
In and out, with all deliberate haste,
But don’t give it a taste!
Slylock Fox: That gondolier dog is guilty of having an amazing ass.
@brendancalling: They got my votes.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Dude, you didn’t include Sal and Haley.
@Artist formerly known as Ben: I bookmarked the individual comics and stuffed them into a folder on my bookmarks tab. In firefox, the last option at the bottom of the list is “open all in tabs.” Click to that, and they all open in individual tabs. Hey presto!
Luann: If Borenice is putting the silverware wrong because the family has only four knives, four forks, and four spoons, then they need to steal more silverware from the Fuze.
Otherwise, she’s being a dick to her BFF’s family, which instantly makes her the most appealing character in the strip.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Dustbin: It’s almost like that light bulb is a magnet to Helen’s boobs. In the first panel they are pointed up toward the bulb in the ceiling. They drop in tandem with the bulb in panel two and then settle into their usual spot around the waist in the last panel.
She’s cradling them in her arms in the first panel. Seems like an unfair advantage relative to panel two. Panel three is at an unusual angle so it’s hard to compare.
A young co-worker at a summer job long ago used to rest her boobs on the upper ledge of the customer service counter which happened to be at just the right height. They were only medium size so it wasn’t super overt or anything. I think it was an unconscious habit while doing the necessary paperwork – didn’t seem to be for any particular other person’s visual entertainment, certainly not for mine – but in any case I didn’t want to break the spell by mentioning it. I figured an older female employee would eventually take her aside to explain it wasn’t very professional at a fancy jewelry store, but nope, at least not while I was still employed there. Half a century later, that’s about my only lasting memory of that job – teh bewbs.
‘shaft: I’m impressed that Ralph still knows what day of the week it is … or at least what day of the week it isn’t.
DTM: “Dennis, if you keep picking your nose like that, your fingers will eventually fuse together into crude, scoop-like appendages and … dear lord, it’s already happening!”
Crankshaft: “Nice job.” “Thanks. Nice rack.” “Thanks-…. hey, waitaminnit mister!”
Sorry, LXIX put me off the rails again.
9CL: Honestly, the physics on display in this strip are terrifying. If the wind shear is strong enough to rip clothing off your body, you should be sheltering in a basement, not fooling around in a lake. Logically, Amos’ swim trunks should have also been blown off, as well, but that’s not Brooke’s interest. Wind this strong would also affect Edda’s trajectory as she jumps, and she would probably get her brains (such as they are) knocked out on the rocks on the shore, rather than hit the water.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: “Les Moore has been absent with his insufferability for awhile …”
So you think it’s a good time to sully his reputation while he’s gone?!? You wouldn’t dare conduct this so-called “survey” if Les were appearing regularly in his glory! Why, one only has to look at his angelic face to know he’s the antithesis of “despicable”!
And let me remind you that we don’t even KNOW why Les is absent! He may be on a humanitarian mission in another part of the globe (anything to get away from that Harridan who calls herself his wife) Or, more likely, She-who-must-not-be-named is keeping him on a short leash, confined to their house where she commits unspeakable acts upon him! Oh, you don’t know how I worry when we’re not allowed to gaze on his sensitive, empathetic presence. I can only imagine the worst!
Mr. Scrotum, if that’s your real name, I would tell you what you could do with your “survey” … if I were not a Lady of Class and Good Taste.
Yours in indignation,
Susan Smith, President
@Oswald B. Owl: Good to hear, I too already have someone with whom to caterwaul in the twilight hours.
Boogers on a Sunday morning isn’t something I find appetizing, even in cartoon form, but hey, at least it was in the service of an excellent joke. Well, I’m afraid that’s not true either.
@Uncle Lumpy: #7
There’s an amusing bit the pb tie-in MAN FROM U.N.C.L.E. novel THE INVISIBILITY AFFAIR by “Thomas Stratton” (a.k.a. Gene DeWeese and Robert “Buck” Coulson) in which Napoleon and Ilya, on their way to meat a local agent based in Wisconsin, are asked as a favor to smuggle some colored margerine to him. This turns out to be useful when they soon pursued by a car full of THRUSH baddies — they toss the margarine back at the pursuers; it smoodges all over their windshield and, unable to see where they’re going, they run off the road into a tree or something. . .
https://www.fantasticfiction.com/series/man-from-uncle/invisibility-affair.htm
@Sequitur: #30
“Question: Are there grizzly bears in Africa?”
Not very many, I should think; the Nandi Bears would have eaten them all.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nandi_bear
@Shrug: #73
“Napoleon and Ilya, on their way to meat a local agent based in Wisconsin”
Er, that should have been “meet.” I don’t think N&I were really into three-ways with other agents. NTTAWWT.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Analytics. Here are some interpretations.
1. Cunther is totally getting laid on the regular. We know this because it’s been ages since he tried to micromanage anyone’s sexuality, and the worst thing he did in the past year was to leave Les on the roof of that shack, and that was just a Gray/Berger family bonding event.
2. Bernice is the new Gunther. She is so screwed in the head that she can’t even get herself off. Over the past year she has scarcely missed an opportunity to cockblock, party poop, or be generally officious in spaces where she has no authority.
3. Mary’s role this year has been less that of meddler than voiceover. There was nothing toxic about the way she brought Madi and Toby together. I don’t recall her having much of a role in the Tommy Brandy clusterfuck, and in the current story line, her advice to Saul was to give Eve space and time. Saul’s botching the rest of it on his own.
4. Lillian’s Loathsomeness is a non dynamic state. She is not worsening or improving it. With no delta to report, there is not going to anything to be seen here. However, Lillian’s cardinal sin is one which one can readily imagine Bernice Halper repeating.
5. Buck Wise is an idiot, not despicable. He did Truck Tyler a good turn, both in getting him lodging and a sustainable business model for the Age of Covid. Just because I think he’s likely to die of his own stupidity before the year is out doesn’t mean I hate him
6.Les Moore. Everything he does to “honor” Lisa’s memory is about bringing glory to himself, while he forces his current wife to live forever in the shadow of a ghost, and it is clear that Batiuk means for us to see him as admirable. Edda Buber-Van Hosen could take narcissism lessons from him.
7. Gil Thorpe – Throwing a kid under the bus for wielding a butterknkife against a bagel was pretty bad, but we got Corinna Karena Karenina out of it, so fair exchange?
DtM: Henry’s in such a hurry he forgets to teach Dennis about kleenex. So no, Dennis, when you’re the kid in high school with gold oozing out of his nose, you won’t be very thankful.
DENNIS THE MENACE: And I’m sure the James Bond estate is just thrilled that one their most famous properties is now associated with nose picking.
@richardf8: #76
Excellent analysis, though unlike you I’m pretty sure Gunther and Bets are *not* “doing it.” (They can only get excited while wearing their cosplay outfits, and the moment they take them off to do something about said excitement, it all goes away.)
@74 Shrug:
Nandi Bears. Garbage Bears of East Africa.
DTM: I feel a James Bond rush coming on…(SINGING) “Gold-fing-ah…He’s the one with the Midas touch…”
Luann: Frank and Nancy need to find out where Delta is…right now.
Pluggers: In the post-animal apocalypse, football teams will be named after humans instead.
DtM: I think the 4th panel is a closeup of the boogers.
@Sequitur: Is the Nandi Bear the Dire Wolf of bears? Discuss.
9CL-Look down and you’ll see how he is really saluting you.
@Uncle Jeff: I deny any collusion with Meckler. Actually, I was upset to see Meckler working out like he wanted to live longer, but then I watched how his trainer operated and saw a chance she’d “try another set” him into a heart attack. I chose him ’cause he was on the periphery, but someone must’ve told him about my selection and his reaction was “F*#&@ you , ‘Doctor’ Pill,” and signed up just to spite me.
@Dr. Pill: Your denial makes me even more suspicious.
@83 Ukulele Ike:
Discussion: I don’t know.
@Liam: 9CL – “look down and you’ll see what is really saluting you”
Between Amos’ shrinkage l, and the fact that the lake is likely nearly frozen over, not to mention the lack of material to begin with, I suspect the only thing saluting is the leech sucking on her bare ass right now.
That trainer’s smile is terrifying. I don’t know where Batiuk got the idea that what Crankshaft needs is another sadistic character.
Re “b[r]ight yellow color found in no booger that has ever been extracted from a human nose”–you haven’t seen my sinus infections.
9CL: gotta be one of those velcro swimsuits from Frederick’s of Hollywood or some kind of stripper store that’s intended to accidentally-on-purpose rip off without you ever having to step out or take down a strap. Edda’s “oh MOI? Goodness ME!” act was better on Betty Boop.
@Sequitur: Go stand in the corner and think about what you said. And while you’re there, sing the Grateful Dead’s “Dire Wolf,” substituting “Nandi Bear” in the lyrics.
I voted. For loathsome Lillian, of course. Plus a write in vote for Frazz. I agree that Buck Wise isn’t despicable – he’s stupid and annoying, but he isn’t hateful about it.
@richardf8: Re loathsome Lillian – a big issue I have with loathsome Lillian is that Batiuk wrote her doing a truly despicable thing to her sister, and now he’s trying to remake her into a sweet, phumpering old biddy. We’re supposed to be amused by her running the bookstore, and we’re supposed to cheer for her literary career. Sorry, no. She’s a horrible person, and Batiuk can’t turn her into a heroine. Did I mention that she’s loathsome?
@Victory Garden: Edda’s “oh MOI? Goodness ME!” act was better on Betty Boop.
“Who Didn’t Wore It Better”
@Greybeard: Giardia gives you orange diarrhea, if that helps.
@Liam: That’s more of a “heil!”
@Chance: Catholics and Orthodox aren’t supposed to eat them until after mass.
@Tonio: And then we could have the Spider-Man comic strip drawn in the style of various classic strips, to match the conceit of the Disney+ show.
@Sequitur: I like the art on this. The story is too goofy for words, but I can envision it being performed on live-action 1950s TV, with a guy dressed up in a bear suit. Hey, did Devil change his look?
@92 Ukulele Ike:
Ain’t gonna do it.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX:
Hey, I nominated Lillian for Death, but I still voted for Les as more despicable. Two different things. Unless you pronounce it as “dethpicable,” like Daffy Duck.
And another thing, after looking at the Despicable results. “Slim Wallet,” ha ha! I never got that joke before! I thought it was only that he’s called Slim, when he’s a fat guy and should really be called Porky Wallet.
@Les Moore Fan Club, LLC: Yours in indignation,
Susan Smith, President
* * *
Yeah, go drown your kids again. Then we’ll talk.
@Uncle Jeff: Regarding collusion in the Dead Pool, I have to defer to High Commissioner Rection.
This is a troubling allegation that should be considered.
In my Monday Night Dead Pool, started in 1996, we established a firm rule that killing a person you drafted would result in the loss of points and a five-point penalty. It is considered poor form. Although this situation is a little different, it is still troublesome. Sportsmanship is paramount in these types of competition.
Mr. Rection, your opinion?
By the way, I had Leon Spinks in two of my Dead Pools.
Dennis JimenezFebruary 7th, 2021 at 4:42 am Reply
Crank – Um…three-peat is the registered trademark of former Lakers coach Pat Riley – really – you can’t make this shit up: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Three-peat
* * *
The Lakers didn’t three-peat under Riley but as I recall (and could look it up) a few years later, maybe when Riley was coaching Miami, his team had a chance to stop a three-peat by the Bulls. Riley did nothing wrong, but it was brought up that he could profit if the Bulls did three-peat (which they did twice) since he would get royalties on the sale of stuff that bore the phrase three-peat.
Just JohnFebruary 7th, 2021 at 6:31 am Reply
In fairness, this comic is funny enough to make me say ho ho ho, for the first time since Christmas.
* * *
I said Ho, Ho, Ho every time I’ve read Judge Parker this past week.
@Sequitur: Ain’t gonna do it.
First Rule Of Improv is to say “Yes, and…”.
Signor Slylock ha sbagliato. È possible viaggiare in macchina da Sardegna a Venezia. Si deve solo prendere il traghetto alla terrafirma. Nessuna degli donne ha svaligiato la camera dell’albergo.
@gnomo di blog: Mr. blog, if that’s your real name, I would tell you what you could do with your geography “lesson” … if I were not a Fox of Class and Good Taste.
Chill out, Sly. Here, have some zabiglione.
@gnomo di blog: Sei un po ‘tardi per il gioco.
Zippy – Well, that explains why the ice cream truck in Baja Gaijin’s neighborhood was mysteriously blown up with an IED.
@UncleJeff: Your denial makes me even more suspicious.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Regarding collusion in the Dead Pool, I have to defer to High Commissioner Rection. This is a troubling allegation that should be considered.
I vehemently deny the allegations regardless of UncleJeff’s suspicions. I was nowhere near that brothel.
Flash [Gordon] Forward: Flash “used to play football”?! That was just for the movie. Comic-strip Flash played polo for Yale.
“Defenders of the Earth” was from their name from the TV cartoon, but the Dynamite comic books called the same group “Kings Watch” (after King Features Syndicate, named in turn for Hearst manager Moses Koenigsberg).
@Zla’od: #110
I like to think that Flash *was* on the Yale football team, but as a polo player. He rode around on his horse and whapped opposing players with his mallet, and nobody had the nerve to tell him that was rather stretching the rules.
Later, a young Spaceman Spiff read about his sports career and was inspired to create CalvinBall.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Mary’s in the equivalent of a World Cup Group of Death, and she’s also been getting less and less facetime in her own strip. I gave her a pity vote, but she’s gotta step it up because right now she barely rates mention among these other giants.
@jroggs: I saw the vote. Thank you for doing that.
Meanwhile, Les and Bernie remain tied. This is way more exciting than the Stupor Bowl.
WORST SUPERB OWL HAFTIME SHOW EVER!
@Danielakiiki: I had NOTHING to do with this! My TV spots are aimed at the “scholarly” demographic.
@Tonio: ASM: It probably would’ve been if these were new strips, but the Spidey strip is on indefinite hiatus, remember? Everything you see is a repeat.
@Shrug: I was at Yale 1978-82, and I don’t member no fuckin’ polo. There was polio, but we had a fuckin’ vaccine.
@Ukulele Ike: Well that explains it. Flash would have attended in the early 1930s.
@Sequitur: “Karnak, the killer”? Ooh, I love that bit he does where he holds an envelope up to his forehead, calls out a name, then opens the envelope and reads the question. (The question is always, “Who will be Karnak’s next victim?”)
Mrs. Sequitur says the mask worn by the Kansas City Chief’s head coach looks like a french fry bag. He was also chewing gum so it looked like he was eating those fries.
@119 Peanut Gallery:
Did you save those stamps?
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Regarding collusion in the Dead Pool, I have to defer to High Commissioner Rection. This is a troubling allegation that should be considered.
My apologies. I misunderstood the allegation, earlier.
It is always important to consider means, motive, and opportunity.
With regard to Batiuk being in on it, he’s known for many months’ deadlines for publication, so it’s hard to imagine the means or opportunity unless someone has a time machine.
With regard to Dr. Pill being tipped off, there is a fine line between inside information and good hard-working research. For now, and barring other evidence, the motive seems benign.
May I add, that in contrast to Uncle Jeff saying that Dr. Pill’s denial makes him even more suspicious, it makes me even more aroused.
@Hugh G. Rection: Jules Rivera tends to finish her comics at the last minute. She would have every opportunity to kill off Doc Davis if she were in cahoots with me, or if she and I were the same person.
MT: I guess this means next Sunday’s featured animal will be…bugs?
Jules used to brag that she was now Mark Trail’s “daddy,” and this makes the second day in a row that she’s used a dad joke.
MW: Do people really feed their pets whatever they themselves are eating? I mean, table scraps I can understand, but are they going to do the whole “Lady and the Tramp” thing?
FW: Oh what lovely memories of a more innocent time. Middle panel by guest artist Lynn Johnston.
MT: Kelly gestures in ways that Jules does in real life. Not sure how much to read into that.
Late to the party, but thought I’d mention that in Sunday’s Mary Worth, we almost got to experience Saul Wynter singing “My Way”. As opposed to Eve’s late husband Gary, who would sing a favorite made famous by another Sinatra, “These Boots Are Made For Trippin’”.
I want a bunch of artists / writers to switch strips for a few weeks. If Brooke wrote Luann, then Bernice would throw her clothes off and boink Jack on the de Groots’ dinner table. If Batiuk wrote 9CL, then maybe some of these people could die of cancer. That would leave the Evansii for FW, in which case nothing would happen for a few weeks. That’s still an improvement, right?
Before you ask, I’d kind of like to see what Jules would do with “Andy Capp.”
MW: If I got to take over the strip starting tomorrow, here’s what tomorrow’s would be:
Panel 1: Eve serves Saul spaghetti while their dogs look on.
Eve: “More spaghetti, Saul?”
Saul: “Sure, Eve.”
Panel 2: Eve spills spaghetti onto Saul’s jacket. Saul rises.
Eve: “Whoops!”
Saul: “It’s all right, it’s only a little stain.”
Panel 3: Eve helps Saul out of his jacket. In the foreground, the dogs look at each other.
Eve: “I keep some of my late husband’s suits in the closet, Saul. Why don’t you change into one of those?”
Pibgorn, Yeah, he updated it: It’s confirmed. Despite allusions from months ago, Teenage Monk is built like a Ken Doll. Wait until she sees a real penis.
@Zla’od: Oh hell, why not.
Jules with Dick Tracy.