Folks, your comment of the week in a moment, but first: Don’t forget that the next installment of my live comedy show, The Internet Read Aloud, will be streaming one week from tomorrow, on Saturday, March 13, at 6 pm Pacific/9 pm Eastern!
In the interim, there are more laffs available right here in this blog post, in the form or your comment of the week!
“‘Evidently’? ‘Unbeknownst’? Slow down professor, I read Gasoline Alley for the colorful dialogue of greasemonkeys and hayseeds. Ditch the vocabulary words or start using some contractions.” –pugfuggly
These runners up are also laff-inducing!
“I’ll find your dog for you, lady, but he had better be wearing an adorable red bandana matching yours, or I’m taking him into protective adorable custody.” –lorne
“Until now I haven’t give much thought to the question of how Crankshaft will finally end, but I suppose ‘sued into oblivion by Disney lawyers’ is as good a way to go as any.” –Francisco Arrowroot
“You might be thinking ‘Why doesn’t someone step in to interrupt Ralph’s long and pointless ramble?’ Keep in mind, though, that there’s a 50% chance that ‘someone’ would be Crankshaft, and be careful what you wish for.” –Artist formerly known as Ben
“A lot of other people are wondering if the second panel in Family Circus is Skeletor. Nobody seems to be questioning Jeffy’s smile as Skeletor is finally going to get his victory over He-Man, tearing the hated do-gooder to pieces with his bare, beclawed hands. Much like Joseph’s dreams foretold that he would become a powerful figure within ancient Egypt’s government, Jeffy’s dreams tell me that Dolly is destined to become the great hero that will save the world from his villainy.” –Tabby Lavalamp
“Today’s Funky Winkerbean public relations lesson: you’re bound to say something stupid in front of an audience, so it helps if you attract dimwitted assholes, who can make you look smart by comparison. That lady is Les Moore’s Les Moore!” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women
“Buck has completely blown his diet and is trying to console himself by playing his new videogame, ‘Rex Morgan says you’re doing great!’ Either that or Rex Morgan … is smiling … while talking to Buck.” –matt w
“A random person keels over dead in a church, but Ed Crankshaft and Lillian are both fine. This is precisely why I don’t believe in God.” –Banana Jr. 6000
“While Max watched approvingly from the bushes, Greta led the humans on to the boiling tar pit. Soon they would only be a memory. ‘I was such a fool to trust them once,’ Max mused as his gunshot scar ached. ‘Never again. The others are next.’” –Little Blue Bicycle
“Les is purchasing celery. The celery is sticking out of the bag. We all know how this ends. Cancer, of course. And his pants fall down. But mostly cancer.” –Voshkod
“Betting on football to make a few dollars? Scummy and unethical. Selling the story of your wife’s death by cancer to Hollywood (twice)? Saintly, heroic, maybe even Christ-like.” –Schroduck
“No, bullshit. If Les Moore got into sports to feel superior to other people, he would definitely choose baseball. I don’t think I need to elaborate.” –Dan
“Well, you finally did it, boys. You finally made Mrs Wilson’s brain check its own damn self into The Pudding Factory of No Return. Just look at her. Is this what you wanted? Who’s going to be doing all the baking now?” –made of wince
“The man in the baseball cap grimaces. ‘Appending a superfluous too to a sentence that already begins with Ditto, Reference Lady?’ he thinks. ‘In front of a WRITER? The man just alienated 65% of his audience by slagging the fantasy football industry — do you really think he won’t turn on YOU, too?’ He shakes his head and stares at the floor, avoiding the carnage to come.” –Doctor Moreau
“I was trying to figure out why Lillian is so pissed about being asked to play the organ in church. Then I wondered, is playing the organ in Crankshaft deadly for some reason? Is this like ‘The Lottery’ where the community is basically nominating someone to die? This sounds absurd, yet I buy this explanation more than the idea that Lillian has something better to do.” –jenna
“Anyway, calling it now, Leroy is Q.” –BeeKey
“Once again, Snuffy demonstrates his own super-power — the ability to slouch in the general vicinity of a tree stump, without actually having to make contact.” –Pozzo
“Max looks embarrassed by this whole episode, as well he should be.” –TheDiva
“Wonder Woman! I mean, can you think of a better role model? Plus, this being National Women’s History Month, what better inspiration to young girls everywhere, that they too can grow up to a superher– [sees Weezy] er, Superman! Women-folk b’long in the home, ‘cept when goin’ out to fetch water while thar huzbins lean on stumps!” –Carsick Yankee
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