Metapost: Comedy presaging comments … of the week!
Folks, a couple quick notes! Remember, you now have the option to get an ad-free email newsletter version of each post delivered to you daily, for just $3 a month! Also: my beloved live comedy show, the Internet Read Aloud, will return to the Zoom-based stage one week from tonight, on April 9, and 6 pm Pacific/9 pm Eastern! Here’s the Zoom link (and please note that this is different from the initial link I used when I announced this show, so update your records if you’ve saved that somewhere) and here is the Facebook event!
And now, most importantly: it’s your comment of the week.
“Dustin has gained a surprising amount of knowledge by going through his parents’ medicine cabinet and googling phrases like ‘can you get high on warfarin.’” –Francisco Arrowroot
The runners up are also hilarious!
“I want to tip my hat to the artist of this strip for making an effort to depict human beings playing video games, the world’s most beloved activity that creators in popular media just can’t ever seem to understand. The use of the couch just as a backrest is very true to life, the controllers aren’t being June Brigman’d, and the artist seems to have used an actual game screenshot to portray authentic gameplay. So close. So very close. Unfortunately, the game in question is single player without a split-screen despite the two characters using controllers, which is like depicting a baseball game with two players batting simultaneously. Also, Sega has a strong defamation case against the strip’s creators for suggesting their valuable IP is played by people like Dustin.” –jroggs
“I found myself wondering what led to this phone call. Did Blondie or Dagwood decide to just check in during the workday? Or is Dagwood stalling before having to confess he lost the kids’ college fund on a very entertaining online poker game?” –jenna
“Not a good sign when your new storyline opens up with the dialogue box struggling to come up with something interesting to say, and characters immediately start fleeing the strip.” –pugfuggly
“In fairness, when Jeffy wanders the post-apocalyptic wasteland after the rest of his family is raptured, roaming between scattered tribes of survivors saying things like ‘they call it Thunderdome because it’s the sound of grampa clapping for me in heaven,’ that blanket’ll make a decent cloak.” –Dan
“When I die, imminently, from whatever massive and terrifying beast tore my blanket to shreds, can I take my blanket with me?” –The Great Joe Bivins
“Rather reluctantly, I have to admit that this passes the smell test. Ippon seoinage, the one-armed shoulder throw in judo, is intended to lessen the advantages of a taller, heavier opponent. When the opponent is this much taller and heavier, however, the move can be countered quite simply by stone-cold not giving a shit.” –boojum
“Dennis mocking Mr. Wilson checking the guest registry as he calls and thanks the people who came to his wife’s wake. Truly menacing.” –Hibbleton
“Personally, I wonder what Dennis’ companion is pondering so theatrically. Hopefully, it’s that this supposed friend promised to show him something cool, and now he’s just staring at an old man in a burgundy sweater calling his oncologist.” –Joe Blevins
“(Ominous music) ENTER SHADEBEAM.” –Peanut Gallery
“Today’s Baby Blues is about how human interactions are overrated, because your friends are not as friendly as you remember. That’s one way to convince people to stay quarantined until vaccinated, I guess.” –Ettorre
“I have to say, over the course of — what’s it been for this plotline, like, twenty years or so? — I’ve become a fan of Eve’s bandana: simple, one color, functional (good for catching drool and for robbing trains), and always tied precisely the same way. I like it.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women
“Something squamous holds a sign over a doomed man’s head as he contemplates in mute horror a sudden eruption of terrifying fecundity. It is April, fools, April, the cruelest month, and instead of lilacs from a dead land we get olives from the sterility of alcohol. Bacchus is emasculated, Athena seizes Athens from the wrath of Poseidon (again, a sea creature, with tentacles writhing) with a gift of olives, myth cycles descending into myth spirals all the way down into the madness that drove the wreckers from the sea (Viking, sea creatures, decorating their ships with kraken’s tentacles) to burn and pillage. Such depth in a simple comic.” –Voshkod
“A thousand bookmarks for a woman with one book and a few events a year is overkill. Especially if she’s writing a mystery series, which means the bookmark will be outdated as soon as #2 is published. On the other hand, if they tape them all together, they’ll make a biodegradable and appropriate burial shroud.” –Bill’s Tummy Brain
“Amelia is really good at cost-benefit analysis and economies of scale. We both work for free when you could easily afford to pay us, but don’t let that throw you.” –Banana Jr. 6000
“The Rex Morgan team carries out a daring experiment to test which is more exciting: The usual Rex Morgan action, or watching paint dry.” –matt w
“‘Does that mean your ghost boyfriend will have more time for you, or less?‘ ‘You’re thinking of my ex, Billy. Zane is transitioning. He hasn’t fully left the land of the living, that’s why he can still play ball.’ ‘You mean–‘ ‘Yes, he’s not the Wholly Ghost.’” –pastordan
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