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It’s here, everyone: your top comment of the week.

“Objection! The defendant is using his hat like a stupid prop! In fact, it looks like he’s trying to seduce it or something, your honor. If he starts kissing it, I’m quitting. I don’t even care.” –made of wince

And your runners up! Very funny!

“I was going to say that it was odd that neither Dot nor Ditto mentioned it was Sunday before they were already driving to school, but then again, if someone woke me up, screaming at me to get my clothes on in a mad fury, I probably wouldn’t ask too many question either.” –pugfuggly

“This is the way the strip ends/ Not with a bang but with a carbon monoxide leak in the library” –Chris+Rywalt

“That blonde in Crankshaft is or at least looks a decade or two younger than the others. Why is she spending her time napping with a bunch of old farts? Honey, get thee to a Funky strip, where you can complain about the troubles of being in your 40s/50s rather than 60s/70s.” –jenna

“Six people in REM sleep and not one has had their book slide out of their hands on to the floor? I call bullshit. I originally called bullshit on the ridiculously large sign, but the book thing bugged me more.” –Weaselboy

“He actually is a marine biologist, but stealing goodies is less humiliating and more lucrative than applying dozens and dozens of times to get one meagre grant.” –Ettore_Costa, on Twitter

“‘The dog?‘ All the other miscreants get a name (Shady Shrew, Cassandra Cat). Show Dipshit Dog some respect, would you?” –Pozzo

“Hope they’ve got Impossible sausage in the animal future, or Slylock is straight-up ignoring a much more serious crime at the snack hut just up the beach.” –Dan

“Dennis is normally ten times more articulate than the Family Circus kids, but in this situation they would know what to do: blame it on ghosts.” –Anonymous

“So, I guess you could say that Hagar got… a Viking grill funeral [CSI: Miami theme goes here]” –Dunkelcopter

“The non-grounded electrical outlet probably indicates the existence of shell and tube wiring in the Mitchell house. Menace level: High!” –But What Do I Know?

“Rex: [looking at TV] ‘Well, yeah. You’ll want to stay off of it or just not use it so much … ice and what not. Call the office and make an appointment if you don’t feel better…’ Sweeper: ‘What? No I’m asking abo–‘*Click* [stares at phone]” –Kevin On Earth

“I haven’t been following this costumed vigilante hostage scenario story, but I’m not the least bit surprised to see the thrilling climax is, as always, a phone conversation between middle-aged men.” –jroggs

“Dennis, brandishing a sledgehammer: ‘Come on, Joey! If a scraped knee gets you measly cookies, think of the rewards of a shattered tibia! You’ll be laid up in a cast enjoying you brand new PS5! We’d be foolish NOT to break your leg!’” –The Great Joe Bivins

“Well, this is only anecdotal evidence, but being hit by a car seems to have worked for my daughter.” –TheDiva

“Can’t help noticing the Street Sweeper looks nothing like the guy he was introduced as and exactly like Rex himself. Hoping this is a Looper kind of situation where Rex has been sent back in time from a dystopian future where there’s a medical cure for crime to treat the biggest criminal of all, only to discover that it’s… his past self.” –Schroduck

“One of the weirdest things about being a comic strip character is that other characters are always walking up to you and saying setup lines, totally unsolicited and out of nowhere. Today, for instance, Dagwood is just trying to read the menu when Lou approaches him and says, ‘Summer sure changes people’s eating habits.’ Dag is momentarily disoriented — as we would all be in this situation — but he quickly readjusts. By panel two, he’s leaning forward to better hear where Lou is going with this. In panel three, accepting his fate as a human joke machine who can never die, Dag solemnly closes his eyes and recites the punchline, with the calm countenance of a religious martyr who’s about to be executed for his beliefs but has come to peace with this fact.” –Joe Blevins

“I think we’re reading too much into this. This is just Lou’s way of saying it’s too hot to cook.” –Hibbleton

“Joel and the colorist both know the international convention that helps avoid collisions between mule-drawn wagons: Red on the port side, green to starboard.” –Peanut Gallery

“I am bothered by the positioning of this fence. For one thing, it simply stops, rather then connecting to anything, which seems to defeat the entire purpose of a fence. More importantly, though, is that this fence seems to be at the edge of a cliff, presumably to keep people from falling off, yet Elviney is on the other side. Has she inched her way along the very edge of the cliff face, tenaciously holding onto the fence to keep from plunging into the chasm, just so that she could deliver the set-up for today’s joke? I admire your dedication to your craft, Elviney, but I hope that once you heard the punchline for which you risked your life, you began to question your choice of a career.” –seismic-2

“The only reason the other poker players haven’t put a bullet in Snuffy yet is that he’s really bad at cheating. It’s hard to pull a gun when you see a card up his sleeve but somehow you’re still up fifty bucks.” –Tabby Lavalamp

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