Metapost: Please, my comment of the week, it’s very funny
Post Content
Your comment of the week … has ARRIVED:
“Hoping for three solid weeks of Curtis trying to drum up a whisper campaign for what is clearly his webcomic. ‘Oh man, what will the daring, anonymous truthsayer behind Dear Ol’ Dad do next? He doesn’t care whose toes he steps on! And ha ha look at this, you can read all his in-your-face takes on modern parenthood at freewebcomichost dot com slash dearoldad, interesting! And it seems he has a Patreon?’” –Dan
As have your hilarious runners up!
“The fact that Jess is turning out to be a fellow super-nerd means that Dawn is in trouble. Well, ‘in trouble’ in the sense that Jared will soon break up with her. In other words, ‘lucky.’” –BigTed
“A lot gets made of ‘superhero origin stories’, so it’s nice to see that Sweepy keeps it pretty simple. ‘I dunno, I just started patrolling the streets and then everything went wrong.’ Excellent, don’t change a thing. No prequel required!” –pugfuggly
“‘What’s this?’ asks Mary as she sees Jared, who works in a hospital, conferring with a patient in that same hospital. It’s this kind of insight that keeps an old strip relevant in today’s world.” –Hibbleton
“Unfortunately unbeknownst to the cook, Poulet is a proud acolyte of the Priory of Sion. Tomorrow’s soup will be suspiciously chunky.” –Dunkelcopter
“Greg is confused, and rightfully so. How is it possible that Curtis know about webcomics, yet doesn’t understand that webcomics are for furries, not social commentary?” –pastordan
“When you want a ride, you’ve got to pay your way with gas, grass, or ass. At the loan office, it’s cred, head, or bread.” –jroggs
“I feel like Dennis and Joey will be having this same basic conversation for the rest of their lives. One day, it’ll be ‘I don’t feel so hot when I huff oven cleaning spray.’” –Joe Blevins
“You kind of lose some authority by saying that while your wife cuts your food for you, no matter how forcefully you point.” –Kevin On Earth
“It’s going to turn out that Jess is Jared’s long-lost sister.” –taig
“But … which arm? Look, I’m as disgusted as you are that I just went back to double-check the art in Rex fucking Morgan, but I did, okay? I did, and ‘that Snake guy’ hurt your left arm, it’s been your left arm this whole time, and now the White Lines of Ouchie are coming from your right arm.
Sweep that up?(No.)Sweeper, sweep thyself?(NO.) Guess you’ve been rendered… armless. (There it is.)” –els“Did you really think we wouldn’t be covering the rear exit? Now go back in there and have your surgery. We’re really eager to see how this turns out.” –cheech wizard
“Why aren’cha usin’ yer hammer bone, Dad? Ya know, the malleus, or hammer bone in yer ear? Why aren’cha usin’ yer malleus? ‘Cause it’s called a hammer? Is this funny, Dad? Is this menacing? Is it? What, too academic? [slurps drink]” –Chance
“You know what you can plan using a computer? The layout for your comic strip so that you figure out where the ‘CAUTION PIRANHAS’ label will go and you won’t have to resort to making the bottom word way off center so it can be readable in the panel.” –Tabby Lavalamp
“Typically, when I see a bathroom door that’s closed, I assume that someone is using it, but then I don’t live in a universe where everyone hates everyone else and only comic books are considered valuable.” –BeckoningChasm
“‘He was really confused! And he’s also very messy, the whole package of disaster!’ Few are brave enough to talk of the taunting side of police brutality.” –Ettorre
“After a quick and sloppy reading of today’s Gil Thorp, I was under the impression that Gregg’s dad used to be on the cover of Hot Guy Magazine, and was now trying to move on from that. All respect to Neal Rubin, but I think I like my plot twist better.” –Drew Funk
“Now that the potential for anything dramatic to happen has passed, I’m interested in seeing how this becomes a financial windfall for Rex. Maybe the Street Sweeper’s trial gets wildly publicized, and so Rex makes millions on the talk show and book circuits talking about how he once treated this guy for a rotator cuff injury and then told him over the phone that no known lobotomy cures crime. Or maybe it’ll be simpler, and the police will just drive a dump truck full of asset forfeiture cash up to Rex’s front door.” –Corynaut
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53 replies to “Metapost: Please, my comment of the week, it’s very funny”
Shadow COTPWMFTLTBWL
WEP
June 10th, 2022 at 9:08 am Reply
Funky Winkerbean: “I don’t know how we can change things, so I’ll go home to my white husband instead. Be sure to use the ‘Coloured Only’ doors and water fountains.”
Sheesh.
Dark Corner
June 10th, 2022 at 9:35 am Reply
Rex Morgan: Speaking of villains, Rex is starting to look like Lex Luthor with painted-on hair.
Horace Broon
June 10th, 2022 at 9:40 am Reply
Judge Parker: How did he use you, Sam? He showed you the footage, told you he’d make it disappear, talked vaguely about how you’d “owe” him, and then nothing. Seriously, I want to know what this guy’s plan even was, because at the moment it isn’t even clear enough to not make sense.
Dr. Pill
June 10th, 2022 at 1:06 pm Reply
Phantom: O’l Mozz is bearing down on the Phantom now. It won’t be long now before he achieves his end game: An end to the Phantom line and freeing Bangalla at last from any lingering colonial rule.
Artist formerly known as Ben
June 10th, 2022 at 3:47 pm Reply
Judge Parker: Saying that it’s too late to do anything about it now makes the unsound assumption that Sam would do something about it otherwise.
//Comment of the Previous Week Made Far Too Late to be Worth Listing. Kudos to L’esprit de l’escalier for naming this category.
Springboard Shadow CsOTW
Daisy
June 11th, 2022 at 5:44 am Reply
@Anonymous: Six Chix: I guess I should look at the art of Six Chix more carefully before running my mouth…
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Although looking at their art *too* carefully or for extended periods can cause symptoms similar to DEET…nausea, rash, difficulty concentrating, disorientation etc. it’s best to apply a Chix-repellent first.
Scratchy Scrotum LXIX
June 11th, 2022 at 6:21 am Reply
@MKay: Mary Worth: The story oozes along at the usual glacial pace. Has Mary even pre-heated the oven yet?
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I sincerely hope that’s not a euphemism.
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mw: Dr. Jeff likes to watch Mary pre-heat her oven. Gets him ready to really roast his wiener.
Oversized Garden Ornament
June 11th, 2022 at 12:39 pm Reply
@Ukulele Ike: Lockhorns: What kind of gathering is this? The men are dressed for a funeral, the women for a…pajama party?
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You mean you’ve never been to a pajama funeral? It’s all the rage in Lockhornland. Of course, Leroy has screwed up with that tie – it’s not funereal enough!
Shrug
June 12th, 2022 at 5:42 am Reply
@Oversized Garden Ornament: Mary Worth: Well, Jared’s nose seem to be getting straighter. Perhaps there’s some law of cosmic balance at play here?
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Or Jared is that rarest and perhaps most disgusting of legendary monsters, the Nose Vampire.
@Shrug: Nose vampires, of course, once slain, must be buried with a Kleenex through their septum. (It’s snot just a legend!)
——————————————————
@The Rambling Otter
Nose-feratu?
Scratchy Scrotum LXIX
June 12th, 2022 at 5:55 am Reply
@Oversized Garden Ornament: Dustin: Nice profile view of Dustin’s mom in the last panel. I can’t help thinking, though, that while that belt may stop her boobs from migrating too far south, it’s not really a good substitute for a bra.
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How true. And the same can be said for DustinDad.
‘Pon my word, Scud
June 12th, 2022 at 7:20 pm Reply
@Someone Somewhere: Garfield: Who knew that Garfield is a Plugger?
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An anthropomorphic obese talking animal — don’t be silly.
Dr. Pill
June 13th, 2022 at 2:31 pm Reply
@richardf8: Slylock Fox: The bell jar is filled to Standard Temperature and Pressure with pure oxygen.
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And to celebrate pulling one over on the news crew, Weirdly decides to light up a cigar.
Hibbleton
June 13th, 2022 at 5:35 am Reply
@Inspector Gotcha: Judge Parker: “I need to talk with her. I need to tell her everything.”
“Hmmm, okay. Then perhaps it would have been wiser to call her rather than me. Just spitballing here.”
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Easy mistake to make when your speed dial icons are pics of different sets of boobs.
2+2=7
June 13th, 2022 at 1:16 pm Reply
@Daisy: Mary Worth: I am really losing confidence – and respect – for Karen Moy’s abilities as a storyteller.
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Wait…you had some to begin with?
Needless_Exposition
June 14th, 2022 at 6:26 am Reply
@Old School Allie Cat: Mary Worth: You know what they say, Mary – you stir the pot, you’re going to have to lick the spoon. And for once, it’s not carrot muffins.
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Though judging by Mary’s recipe book, they might as well be what she calls carrot muffins. You don’t dump two cups of shredded carrot into an existing recipe and pray for the best, you ignorant old crone!
Horace Broon
June 14th, 2022 at 10:22 am Reply
@I speak Jive: Family Circus: An old crone stopped by to give them those apples.
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Kings Features Syndicate Inc would like to make it clear that their resident old crone does not give or sell people apples and never has.
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I speak Jive: That’s what they want you to think. Those apples are a gateway drug. Wait until she brings out the hard stuff – muffins.
Scudderlike and twice as natural
June 15th, 2022 at 11:13 am Reply
@Sequitur: Does anyone know Jack?
——————————————————
Jack? He’s a card!
Uncle Lumpy
June 15th, 2022 at 1:07 pm Reply
@Scudderman: …has Josh passed a Turing test recently?
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Long ago: he’s taking prep courses for his Threering test, and hopes to attend Bot Academy in the fall.
Scratchy Scrotum LXIX
June 15th, 2022 at 7:10 am Reply
@nescio: Mary Worth: Jared named his cat after himself?
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If he did, wouldn’t it be Hand Solo?
Daisy
June 16th, 2022 at 7:48 am Reply
@MKay: Mary Worth: “Yes, I talk to my cat. But you know what really frosts me? When he has the gall to actually look at something else while I’M TALKING.”
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“…and then he has the nerve to tell me he’s looking at it for ‘aesthetic reasons.’ “
UncleJeff
June 16th, 2022 at 9:07 am Reply
@Joe Blevins: Dick Tracy: What kind of villain puts a “CAUTION: PIRANHAS” sticker on his fish tank full of piranhas?
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A criminal who is more afraid of the state worker protection agency than the neo-Chicago MCU.
Special Long-form Shadow CsOTW
ScienceGiant
June 12th, 2022 at 3:55 pm Reply
Rex Morgan:
Sweeperman, Sweeperman,
Put the trash in a garbage can
Ask Doc Rex about surgery
While a thug is breaking free.
Look out! He’s got a baseball bat!
WHACK! WHACK! WHACK!!!
Merry Mirth
June 13th, 2022 at 4:48 am Reply
Mary Worth: OF COURSE YOU SHOULD TELL DAWN!!!!!! IMMEDIATELY!!! Then sit back and let the carnage unfold. This could turn out to be a twenty-dozen-muffin catastrophe — the pinnacle of your meddling career!
There’s nothing to wonder about unless you’re starting to develop a conscience after all these years. But now is not the time to go wobbly, Mare. Pedal to the meddle!
Garrison Skunk
June 13th, 2022 at 12:03 pm Reply
Mary’s Worth It: “Should I tell Dawn? Heck yes! In three part harmony!–
Delta Dawn guess what Jarad’s got going on
he’s seeing a Star Wars chick behind your back
Now don’t you know it’s true
that the only geeks that are true blue are ones who love Star Trek”
Note to self…when I sing it to her make back rhyme with Trek.
Voshkod
June 14th, 2022 at 6:34 am Reply
Dick Tracy: One day this man will be important to Dick Tracy. That day is actually today. Today he’s going to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and Dick Tracy will riddle him with bullets after mistaking him for The Elder Klutz, an old (in both senses) Tracy foe. The resulting civilian review board will blow the lid off the violence, abuse, and corruption of the Neo-Chicago Police Force. People with odd nicknames and strange facial features will line up to watch Tracy’s perp walk, and they will finally feel relief.
Needless_Exposition
June 14th, 2022 at 7:19 am Reply
Mary Worth: Jared might be desperate and in need for attention that isn’t being belittled and disrespected by his gold digging girlfriend with loose morals but Mary is truly the most loathsome of them all. She thought that Saul needed to “get over” his dead dog by pushing him into a situation where he had to get a new one because she drove him to the pet shelter against his will, practically blackmails Estelle into taking Wilbur back at least three times despite him not learning anything because she tells her she doesn’t deserve anything better, and that’s not even getting into her own passive aggressive treatment with her “loved ones” like Dr. Jeff whose proposals she refuses constantly because she wants to mooch off the sympathy of being a widow despite her husband literally being bones and dust in his grave.
tl;dr: If I had Mary and Jared in a room and I had two bullets, I would shoot Mary twice.
Shrug
June 16th, 2022 at 5:55 am Reply
Phrases to work into conversation today:
“Give me the keys to the CricketMobile!”
“My spider-sense won’t let you tail-zap me a SECOND time!”
“Flawless grammar is so on-turning!”
“The gurgle suggests zombie!”
Other candidates?
Voshkod
June 16th, 2022 at 6:46 am Reply
Dennis the Menace: Let us look at Henry’s toolkit. One screwdriver, head-type undetermined. Three (!) hammers – claw (in use), a short-handled sledge, and maybe a joiner? One pair pliers, check. One unidentifiable short tool, possible a knife. These are not the tools of a workman or ever a handyman at home. These are the tools of the Night Menace, who has been committing unspeakable crimes around the neighborhood and, even now, is under observation by the FBI through their infiltrator, Jimmy the Dwarf, currently disguised as one Dennis Mitchell. Let the cat-and-mouse game begin.
Shadow COTW Contenders, Part 1
made of wince
June 11th, 2022 at 4:57 am Reply
6 Chix: I don’t care for this remake of “The Mist.”
taig
June 11th, 2022 at 4:59 am Reply
Mary Worth: Hidden panel: Mary bursts into the room. “What the &$%# do you think you’re doing, young man?!? Platitudes are my shtick!”
Hibbleton
June 11th, 2022 at 4:59 am Reply
Family Circus: Again Bil opens the medicine cabinet, as he’s done a thousand times before, hoping that this time the reflection is a different world he can escape to behind the mirror.
MKay
June 11th, 2022 at 5:27 am Reply
Family Circus: Aspirin is OK for headaches brought on by non-stop shrieking and endless babbling, but morning drinking REALLY takes the edge off.
Hibbleton
June 11th, 2022 at 5:27 am Reply
Hägar the Horrible: The victims of Hägar’s murderous rage get mild satisfaction as the Venetian glass he’s plundered gets broken by the golf club he ripped out of a dead Scotsman’s grasp.
pastordan
June 11th, 2022 at 5:53 am Reply
Family Circus: Hey, Dolly—what’s the remedy for that shank PJ’s holding in his other hand?
Hibbleton
June 11th, 2022 at 5:56 am Reply
Family Circus: An I’ve-been-there Jeffy looks at PJ, his eyes filled with tears, and thinks; “He’ll learn. It’s best to wait a while before opening the bathroom door after daddy “finishes.” Bil looks for the Maalox.
I speak Jive
June 11th, 2022 at 7:46 am Reply
Family Circus: No, no, Bill – she hides the vodka in her closet. If you want gin, it’s in the kitchen ceiling light.
Ergo, ergot, Scud. That’s logic!
June 11th, 2022 at 8:27 am Reply
Pluggers: BREAKING NEWS!
**** Pluggers are fat! ****
// Now if that doesn’t get me COTW, nothing will.
Dan
June 11th, 2022 at 8:58 am Reply
Six Chix is absolutely skewering the classic toxic masculinity trope of not using bug spray. You gotta admit it, boys! Ha ha, they got us. Zing!
2+2=7
June 11th, 2022 at 9:00 am Reply
Judge Parker: “Hey, Sam, remember how a lot of this snowballed because of your inability to honestly and effetively communicate to your own wife?
Obviously that was a winning strategy. Do more of that!”
White Rabbit
June 11th, 2022 at 10:02 am Reply
Pluggers: Jeez, McKee ought to change the name of the strip to “Fat Old Slobs” and make the transformation complete.
Artist formerly known as Ben
June 11th, 2022 at 11:44 am Reply
6 Chix: What’s really impressive is the way the girlfriend waited until his body had been reduced to a pair of legs to taunt him.
Garrison Skunk
June 11th, 2022 at 4:08 pm Reply
Slylick Fox and Comix For Kinx: “Next on WILD, the WILD bat eye in the sky, Bruce Bat with the morning traffic report…” “Well,we have trouble on Frankly My Deer Lane..a four Count Weardly motorcycle pile-up.”
Peanut Gallery
June 11th, 2022 at 5:05 pm Reply
Snuffy Smith:
TIRED: Tired vs. Wired
WIRED: Hot Dang vs. Goldang
Scofflaw Jr.
June 11th, 2022 at 10:34 pm Reply
Family Circus: So what we learned is Aspirin Fixes headaches, Loving fixes heartaches and Jeffy playing pocket pool fixes …Well Hmkay.
BigTed
June 12th, 2022 at 4:34 am Reply
Slylock Fox: Slylock is happy to see that Cassandra Cat has committed another theft, which makes his drone-stalking — er, crime-fighting — completely legal once again, despite all the restraining orders.
Hibbleton
June 12th, 2022 at 4:38 am Reply
Mary Worth: Jess holds a mirror up to her own nostrils to see if she is still breathing.
“Hmph, so this isn’t hell.”
Dunkelcopter
June 12th, 2022 at 4:45 am Reply
Mary Worth: We’re dragging poor Tolkien into this now? Does that mean that Mary is the Nameless Thing that gnaws on the world that Sauron knows not, for she is older than he, and that Gandalf would not darken the light of day with a report of?
Inspector Gotcha
June 12th, 2022 at 5:48 am Reply
Rex Morgan: “Hey, you popped my shoulder back in! Dr. Morgan misdiagnosed me. It wasn’t a rotator cuff tear after all! It was a dislocation! Thanks, Snake!”
made of wince
June 12th, 2022 at 6:21 am Reply
Rex Morgan: Well, what makes the Street Sweeper worse than any other superhero? If Joker didn’t escape constantly, we wouldn’t have a franchise. We like to think superheroes fight crime, but mostly they inconvenience it.
Zipper Mule
June 12th, 2022 at 6:22 am Reply
Mary Worth: When I saw the last panel, suddenly the music from Jaws played in my head.
Old School Allie Cat
June 12th, 2022 at 6:49 am Reply
Mary Worth: Meddlegasm Summer 2022 – It’s the FINAL COUNTDOWN!!!! ??
TheDiva
June 12th, 2022 at 7:46 am Reply
Judge Parker: “I mean you’re poor, you probably talk about things like labor and dirt and stuff…”
2+2=7
June 12th, 2022 at 9:05 am Reply
Funky Winkerbean: Oh I get it. As a woman, Frumpy Winkerbean can’t participate in this rather banal discussion because she doesn’t have “low-hanging fruit”
Horace Broon
June 12th, 2022 at 11:09 am Reply
Judge Parker: Neddy’s annoyed because Randy won’t talk about April. Alan’s annoyed because Randy won’t shut up about April. When you’re Randy Parker, you can please none of the people none of the time.
Sequitur
June 12th, 2022 at 12:59 pm Reply
Dustin: That vacuum came across a bunch of Dustin comic strips.
Poteet
June 12th, 2022 at 10:37 pm Reply
Luann: I could imagine there being, theoretically, a comic strip about modern college life that would entertain me and make me wish, just a teensy bit, that I could go back in time and be a college student again. LUANN definitely ain’t it.
Hibbleton
June 13th, 2022 at 4:40 am Reply
Mary Worth: “Hmph! …and here I had knitted that hussy a sequined eye patch.”
MKay
June 13th, 2022 at 4:45 am Reply
Mary Worth: Mary usually waits for her victims to come to her. I guess this economy is tough on everyone.
Hibbleton
June 13th, 2022 at 4:45 am Reply
Mary Worth: Jared leaves the room as Mary watches from the shadows. He returns to find Jess crying —now with two eyes swollen shut.
“I don’t know what happened. You left and then, POW!”
“Who did this?”
“I don’t know but she smelled like mothballs.”
Hibbleton
June 13th, 2022 at 5:32 am Reply
Slylock Fox: Looks like David Blaine, aka Count Weirdly, survived the animal-apocalypse with more or less the same level of sanity.
Shadow COTW Contenders, Part 2
pastordan
June 13th, 2022 at 6:48 am Reply
Curtis: Greg is confused, and rightfully so. How is it possible that Curtis know about webcomics, yet doesn’t understand that webcomics are for furries, not social commentary?
DevOpsDad
June 13th, 2022 at 7:38 am Reply
Mary Worth: I wonder if I should tell Dawn, or I wonder if this is all an opiod-induced hallucination. Now, where is that damn pill closet?
Liam
June 13th, 2022 at 10:46 am Reply
Love Is: Morning coffee after last night’s tea bag.
Hibbleton
June 14th, 2022 at 4:35 am Reply
Lockhorns: Loretta is careful to match her bridge table with old Star Trek bridge chairs.
Schroduck
June 14th, 2022 at 4:38 am Reply
Dick Tracy: It’s great of Dick Tracy to celebrate Pride month with a storyline about Tracy coming out, but I do worry there’s a bit of an age gap between him and his future husband.
jroggs
June 14th, 2022 at 4:57 am Reply
Blondie: When you want a ride, you’ve got to pay your way with gas, grass, or ass. At the loan office, it’s cred, head, or bread.
taig
June 14th, 2022 at 5:04 am Reply
Crankshaft: It’s today that Mitch says his first word: “Bitch.”
Dennis Jimenez
June 14th, 2022 at 5:13 am Reply
Blondie: Ah – well what figure are you willing to be bribed with? Of course, the lack of chair side boob is cuz she’s giving him the full frontal hypno-boob treatment…
Inspector Gotcha
June 14th, 2022 at 5:37 am Reply
Judge Parker: “I’M weird??? Whatever you say, Balloon Lips. You should rent yourself out for kids’ birthday parties. If I give you a little nudge, will you float to the ceiling?”
Scofflaw Jr.
June 14th, 2022 at 5:41 am Reply
Blondie: Obviously the sandwich this creepy little pencil pusher is thinking about includes him as the meat, Blondie and Cookie will provide the buns… Special sauce aplenty for all. Sigh… Some days.
FritzHolz
June 14th, 2022 at 6:09 am Reply
Dennis the Menace: The Nevada atomic test site opened in January 1951. Dennis the Menace launched in March 1951. Joey’s nose is the exact shape of a mushroom cloud. Coincidence?
Drew Funk
June 14th, 2022 at 6:14 am Reply
Mary Worth: Speaking of murders, I think Jared bored Domestic Abuse Patient to death in Mary Worth.
The Bonnie Situation
June 14th, 2022 at 6:32 am Reply
Blondie: I’ll tell you what figure I have in mind, Blondie. Yours. Now let’s talk about that loan.
TheDiva
June 14th, 2022 at 6:46 am Reply
Dick Tracy: Unless that’s Tracy’s license to kill, I don’t know see how some random paperwork is going to be important to him.
Dr. Larry Erhardt
June 14th, 2022 at 6:54 am Reply
on Josh: “Sandwichlads” is a delightful and perfectly cromulent word, and there’s no way in hell I’m going to Google it. “Bronies” was bad enough.
TheDiva
June 14th, 2022 at 6:57 am Reply
Crankshaft: “Shut up, you destructive bastard, my insurance company had to create an entirely new rider just for living next to you.”
pastordan
June 14th, 2022 at 7:20 am Reply
Blondie: Excuse me, excuse me! Everybody knows that “Sandwichlads” are the posers you find on Twitch. The real hardcore types can be found at dagwood.liverand.onion, and prefer to call one another “Sandnon.”
Danielakiiki
June 14th, 2022 at 8:10 am Reply
Mary Worth: Meanwhile in Bizarro Mary Worth…
Victor Von
June 14th, 2022 at 8:40 am Reply
Dick Tracy: I can’t wait to see this storytelling trend take the comics pages by storm! “Someday, Gil Thorp will think back on this as the moment his marriage dissolved.””Someday, these pants will matter to Garfield.” “Someday, this sandwich will be important to Wilbur Weston.”
Horace Broon
June 14th, 2022 at 10:19 am Reply
Sally Forth: “A main character slowly grasps that other people are actually real” would honestly have more effect if Ces used it in his other strip.
Navigator
June 14th, 2022 at 11:03 am Reply
Today’s Dick Tracy is a masterclass in foreshadowing. First, have a character say “I AM NOW DOING FORESHADOWING.” Then add a narration box that says “HE IS INDEED DOING FORESHADOWING!”
Liam
June 14th, 2022 at 12:18 pm Reply
Family Circus: “Better than the muffins that old woman hurls at us.”
Garrison Skunk
June 14th, 2022 at 12:18 pm Reply
Blondie: Wonder what Blondie’s insurance rates are to cover being wiped out by a Dagwood midnight snack attack.
Shrug
June 14th, 2022 at 4:33 pm Reply
Phoebe and Her Unicorn: So, is the Shield of Boringness somehow also responsible for broccoli and Henry James novels?
Hibbleton
June 15th, 2022 at 4:36 am Reply
Rex Morgan: Somewhere some commenter-of-the-week is thinking; “There but for the grace of God, go I. If only Snake had used his powers of snark for good instead of evil.”
Dmsilev
June 15th, 2022 at 4:41 am Reply
Rex Morgan: Rex replies: “A snake hurt your arm? I’m sorry, your insurance doesn’t cover antivenin, so I’m going to have to ask you to pay in advance. Also, if you expect me to do the suck-out-the-poison thing, forget it.”
Anonymous
June 15th, 2022 at 4:43 am Reply
Mary Worth: GAH! Why is Jared turning into some kind of weird-looking teenage girl in that second panel? Does he have secret shapeshifting powers, and is turning into a younger female so as to bond better with a woman who was abused by her boyfriend?
pugfuggly
June 15th, 2022 at 5:14 am Reply
Mary Worth: Yeah, it’s all smiles and sunshine now, but wait until the topic of whether Greedo shot first comes up, and it quickly devolves into a fistfight.
Joe Blevins
June 15th, 2022 at 5:14 am Reply
Rex Morgan: I have come to love Snake over the course of this storyline. Not only does he have a cool name, he keeps his wits under pressure. Look at him there, cracking wise with the police even as they’re prep walking him to the squad car. Meanwhile, the Street Sweeper is all, “Wahhhhh! That mean old Snakey Wakey hurt my widdle arm!” Throw the book at him.
Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women
June 15th, 2022 at 5:45 am Reply
Mary Worth: My first thought was that, in breaking up with club-hoppin’ Dawn, Jared probably dodged himself a dose of chlamydia, but odds are, Abusive Boyfriend likely brought it home. From Dawn.
Needless_Exposition
June 15th, 2022 at 6:18 am Reply
Mary Worth: While the cat names have a sort of “cute in a lame way” appeal, Jared smiling does not have that same effect.
TheDiva
June 15th, 2022 at 6:31 am Reply
In other news I have learned that Wilbur used to be a dead ringer for the evil toy collector in Toy Story 2, and I’m not sure what to do with that information or if his current appearance is an improvement in any way.
Shadow COTW Contenders, Part 3
Professor Well Actually
June 15th, 2022 at 6:59 am Reply
Gil Thorp: The Hamm family moved from Santa Royale, CA. They’re on the run from Meddler Mary. And who can blame them?
Navigator
June 15th, 2022 at 7:45 am Reply
Rex Morgan: You’ve got to hand it to the Rex Morgan team. Seeing the unsustainable stakes inflation of today’s media, with entire universes and now multiverses threatened, they decided to pull hard in the opposite direction and give us the lowest-stakes, lowest-octane superfight ever devised. If you loved Everything Everywhere All At Once, get ready for Nothing, Nowhere, Extremely Slowly!
Shrug
June 15th, 2022 at 2:17 pm Reply
Rex Morgan: “Well, shut up, silly superhero,” said the Doctor, with a grin; “You knew damn well he was a Snake before you took him in!”
MKay
June 16th, 2022 at 4:45 am Reply
Rex Morgan: The Street Sweeper, intrepid fighter of crime has morphed into Ow Mommy My Arm Hurts Man.
jroggs
June 16th, 2022 at 4:48 am Reply
Dick Tracy: “Now Uglymug Ulrich on the other hand, he used a spiral notebook and a corkboard to plan his abductions of foreign diplomats. That’s a real criminal for you.”
Inspector Gotcha
June 16th, 2022 at 4:49 am Reply
Crankshaft: Whoa! Lillian’s unloadin’ some straight-fire smack, and Cranky got nuthin’. Just then little Mitch pipes up and says, “I’m sorry I twisted your fence. It was an unforseen accibent.” Lillian calls him an asshole.
Artist formerly known as Ben
June 16th, 2022 at 4:58 am Reply
Dennis the Menace: Dennis can’t be bothered to bring his A material to the occasion, instead dribbling wordplay that barely rises to Ed Crankshaft level.
But What Do I Know?
June 16th, 2022 at 6:29 am Reply
Dennis the Menace: Henry, you know the old saying, When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like Dennis’s head.
cheech wizard
June 16th, 2022 at 8:20 am Reply
Mary Worth: “Yeah, I talk to my cat all the time. And she told me to do this. I’m sorry, Jess. (Puts pillow over her face, muffled screams ensue)
Hergen
June 16th, 2022 at 9:27 am Reply
Dick Tracy: “You betcha Mr Memory knows computers. Uses ‘em to plan things. Gantt charts, key deliverables, time budgets, available resources, the works. What a sicko. Everyone knows them things is for porn and nothin’ else.”
pachoo
June 16th, 2022 at 3:13 pm Reply
Dick Tracy: Well, things could have been worse. Of all the species of piranha out there, probably the least menacing is the caution piranha.
Artist formerly known as Ben
June 16th, 2022 at 3:57 pm Reply
Beetle Bailey: Walker/Browne Amalgamated Funnies Present Sergeant Snorkle’s Sergeant Stripes Tattoo and Other Revelations You’ll Wish Had Never Been Revealed!
richardf8
June 17th, 2022 at 4:35 am Reply
Funky Winkerbean: So. After yesterday’s Beetle Bailey, I can only conclude that it’s naked butt week at Comics Kingdom. I was going to complain that their site hasn’t updated yet, but now I see what broke it.
Uncle Lumpy
June 17th, 2022 at 4:39 am Reply
In a media landscape awash in Ass News, it’s remarkable that the few available crumbs of non-Ass News can be found in Gil Thorp, a strip that explicitly contains Marty Moon!
Pozzo
June 17th, 2022 at 4:45 am Reply
Rex Morgan: “This place is a mess. On the other hand, free pizza — BONUS!”
Inspector Gotcha
June 17th, 2022 at 5:04 am Reply
Judge Parker: “Sophie, let me talk to Reena. She’s the only person here who hasn’t betrayed me.”
Merry Mirth
June 17th, 2022 at 5:10 am Reply
Mary Worth: “Oh by the way, Jared, your patient in 308 died about a half hour ago. We found her with her finger pressed on the call button, but I guess you had your pager turned off. I’ve spoken to you about this before.”
Dennis Jimenez
June 17th, 2022 at 5:16 am Reply
Funky Winkerbean: Up at the crack of dawn…unfortunately, today it’s a Plugger butt crack. Yuck…
pugfuggly
June 17th, 2022 at 5:17 am Reply
Gil Thorp: Was it just me assuming that ‘hot guy in magazines’ meant ‘male model’? I love the idea of a Fabio-type guy falling from grace for plagarizing his turn-ons in Beefcake Monthly.
Austria
June 17th, 2022 at 5:20 am Reply
Funky Winkerbean: Dang, when I saw the title of today’s entry, I figured Josh would be going over Love Is or Marvin or something. Never have I been so disappointed to not see Marvin.
Schroduck
June 17th, 2022 at 5:30 am Reply
Funky Winkerbean: Funky Winkerbean breaks the internet! (In the sense that his butt is so terrible that humanity decides to shut down every web server to protect ourselves from it)
Shrug
June 17th, 2022 at 5:35 am Reply
9 Chickweed Lane: If, tomorrow, we see that duck poop on Edda’s head, it will immediately become my all-time favorite character in this strip. (I know, low bar.)
Hibbleton
June 17th, 2022 at 5:38 am Reply
Rex Morgan: Snake in handcuffs yells up from the street; “You try making a ‘clean’ getaway from that pigsty!”
taig
June 17th, 2022 at 5:41 am Reply
Funky Winkerbean: Earlier this week I made a bit of snark that alluded to the opening scene of Psycho. Now I wish I hadn’t.
Scratchy Scrotum LXiX
June 17th, 2022 at 6:10 am Reply
Rex Morgan: “Wanted to make the world better but had no idea how to do so” is the Hippocratic Oath to Rex.
Bingo. We just say bingo
June 17th, 2022 at 6:23 am Reply
Funky Winkerbean: I can’t help but think to include the old scratch n sniff feature.
Charterstoned
June 17th, 2022 at 6:23 am Reply
Funky Winkerbean: I’ve never read this strip before, and nothing I’ve seen today convinces me that I should start now.
Hibbleto
June 17th, 2022 at 6:44 am Reply
Funky Winkerbean: “Oy! Milton Berle should be so lucky. Hey Maury! Come look at this.” (Best if read with a Yiddish accent)
Daily Shadow CsOTW
Saturday
————
BigTed
June 11th, 2022 at 4:30 am Reply
Family Circus: Aww, P.J. has a heartache! Apparently he got dumped by a 2-year-old he met on Toddlers Only, after she found out that he’s unemployed and lives with his parents.
nescio
June 11th, 2022 at 5:49 am Reply
6 Chix: “Don’t say I didn’t warn you. If you still had a mouth, I mean.”
richardf8
June 11th, 2022 at 6:20 am Reply
Hägar the Horrible: “Blame the dog” only works for farts. Besides, Helga knows Snert’s golf swing is better than that.
Horace Broon
June 11th, 2022 at 9:08 am Reply
Dick Tracy: “If I wanted random people interrupting my work to offer me questionable baked goods, I’d have stayed in Santa Royale!”
Sunday
———-
jroggs
June 12th, 2022 at 5:57 am Reply
Judge Parker: Randy is desperate to do anything it takes to help April. But using popular media to get her story out and develop a cause to gain her a fair shake or maybe even a pardon? Not if it means spending an afternoon with Neddy Parker.
Hibbleton
June 12th, 2022 at 7:07 am Reply
Family Circus: Judging by the size of that bouquet, I’m guessing two months later the first grandson was born.
Monday
———–
Inspector Gotcha
June 13th, 2022 at 4:58 am Reply
Judge Parker: “I need to talk with her. I need to tell her everything.”
“Hmmm, okay. Then perhaps it would have been wiser to call her rather than me. Just spitballing here.”
(Reena to Sophie: “Your not-Dad knows the mayor?”)
Horace Broon
June 13th, 2022 at 9:34 am Reply
Mary Worth: “I mean, it’s not really any of my busin… hahaha, I crack myself up!”
Tuesday
———–
pugfuggly
June 14th, 2022 at 4:45 am Reply
Dick Tracy: I love that last little dialogue box: “NO REALLY, THIS IS GOING SOMEWHERE! THIS ISN’T JUST AN OLD MAN BUMBLING AROUND FOR NO REASON, WE’RE NOT GASOLINE ALLEY, I PROMISE!”
Ettorre
June 14th, 2022 at 5:49 am Reply
Dick Tracy: Listen old man, we appreciate that you look for Dick Tracy and are happy to provide him with evidence, but it is a bit presumptuous to believe he needs any legal justification for his actions.
Rube
June 14th, 2022 at 7:06 am Reply
Six Chix: I have to stop reading Tuesday 6chix. Seven a.m. is too early to feel like I need a drink.
Wilktoast
June 14th, 2022 at 7:50 am Reply
Dick Tracy: Instead of hanging an extremely apt pistol on the wall, the writers of Dick Tracy decided to lean on the far less exciting “Chehkov’s Receipt Hoarder” principle.
Wednesday
—————
Kevin On Earth
June 15th, 2022 at 4:48 am Reply
Gil Thorp: You kind of lose some authority by saying that while your wife cuts your food for you – no matter how forcefully you point.
jvwalt
June 15th, 2022 at 6:15 am Reply
Mary Worth: “When Jared tells Jess he has a cat” is the least dramatic narration box in the history of narration boxes.
Garrison Skunk
June 15th, 2022 at 9:08 am Reply
Familiar Mucus: At least, Thel, he’s given up planting eggs so he can grow a bird.
Artist formerly known as Ben
June 15th, 2022 at 3:49 pm Reply
Blondie: Call me a conspiracy theorist, but I’m pretty sure this is all a cruel, elaborate prank to trick Dagwood into eating novelty condoms.
Thursday
————
Anonymous
June 16th, 2022 at 4:44 am Reply
Beetle Bailey: …does it say something about it that my mind went “OMG SARGE’S NAKED MY EYES!!”, then “Why does Sarge have his rank tattooed on his arm!?” and only much later “Beetle still wears his hat when he’s naked to take a shower?”
nescio
June 16th, 2022 at 4:44 am Reply
Dick Tracy: Tomorrow we meet Half-Hands, the henchman who once tried to wash his hands in the fish tank, and necessitated the “Caution Piranhas” sign.
cheech wizard
June 16th, 2022 at 8:17 am Reply
Mary Worth: Why do I get the impression Jess isn’t really a domestic violence victim but a Frankensteinian abomination stitched together from parts in the hospital morgue? The stitches are part of it but the dialog is the clincher.
Garrison Skunk
June 16th, 2022 at 1:21 pm Reply
Dick Tracy Holistic Defective: Weirdist International Coffees ad ever…“Sam, what was the name of that guy who tried to stick my head in the piranha tank?” Both: ”Jean Luc!”
Celebrate the moments of your life…
Friday
——–
Daisy
June 17th, 2022 at 5:18 am Reply
Funky Winkerbean: I was thinking of cooking a nice pork butt for dinner, but now I don’t think so. I’m going meatless for a while…a good long while.
Ettorre
June 17th, 2022 at 5:30 am Reply
Gil Thorp: Faking quotes? My God, Gregg’s father wrote for “Mary Worth”!
Shadow COTW
——————
Garrison Skunk
June 16th, 2022 at 2:28 pm Reply
Dick Tracy: Mr. Memory is just prepping his alibi for the trial. “But Judge I had the tank clearly marked CAUTION: PIRANHA, but Mr Tracy came barging in saying,”Hey Sam, watch me stick my nose in this tank!” The man is clearly insane!”
Congratulations to Dan (your prize is a one-year subscription to Komics Kondom), the Floaters (your prize is a two-year subscription to Comics Kondom), the Shadowers (thanks, Baja), and the Scroters (you don’t know want to know what your prize is):
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BigTed
June 11th, 2022 at 4:30 am Reply
Family Circus: Aww, P.J. has a heartache! Apparently he got dumped by a 2-year-old he met on Toddlers Only, after she found out that he’s unemployed and lives with his parents.
taig
June 11th, 2022 at 4:45 am Reply
FC: And this is why they shouldn’t let the kids dial 1-900 numbers from the Kompound.
Little Guy
June 11th, 2022 at 5:35 am Reply
GT: That’s Gil’s equivalent of “Do you know in that hat you look like a giant penis?”
FW: Well, this is meandering on, I wonder if the Funkyverse has TruFans….
GREAT PURPLE STRIPEY PANTS! HOLY FLOATING SCROTUM!
I read the comments.
Inspector Gotcha
June 11th, 2022 at 5:04 am Reply
FW: “You see, Malcolm, it’s best to just let people insult you and push you around. Standing up for yourself isn’t worth it. Les taught me that.”
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MKay
June 11th, 2022 at 5:27 am Reply
RMMD: Snake realizes that he can expect zero assistance from both law enforcement and the medical community and unless an ambitious Boy Scout troop happens by, it’s all him.
Professor Well Actually
June 11th, 2022 at 5:57 am Reply
MW: is there an actual work-related reason Jared is hanging around this poor woman’s room? And why hasn’t she been transferred to a shelter? I think Santa Royale has one. I’m predicting the violent boyfriend is going to kick the shit out of Jared.
taig
June 12th, 2022 at 4:46 am Reply
FC: 9 Chickweed Lane: Origins
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oversized Garden Ornament
June 12th, 2022 at 5:00 am Reply
Dustin: Nice profile view of Dustin’s mom in the last panel. I can’t help thinking, though, that while that belt may stop her boobs from migrating too far south, it’s not really a good substitute for a bra.
MKay
June 12th, 2022 at 4:53 am Reply
RMMD: It’s right there in the post-op instructions: ” Do NOT turn your back on a hostage.”
Hibbleton
June 12th, 2022 at 5:27 am Reply
RMMD: With proper coaching, Snake could learn to extend his arms when he swings.
made of wince
June 12th, 2022 at 6:21 am Reply
Rex: Well, what makes the Street Sweeper worse than any other superhero? If Joker didn’t escape constantly, we wouldn’t have a franchise. We like to think superheroes fight crime, but mostly they inconvenience it.
Dennis Jimenez
June 12th, 2022 at 5:35 am Reply
RMMD – You can catch the devil, but you can’t hold him long. Especially if he has to take a dump….
MW – Yes…I’ll never make it through the night. Thanks for those words of reassurance…asshole….
Merry Mirth
June 12th, 2022 at 5:33 am Reply
“Hmmm . . . What’s this? Jared, you son of a bitch, are you meddling behind my back??? This is MY TURF, nerdboy, and don’t you forget it! Now get off your ass and dump these bedpans!”
Zipper Mule
June 12th, 2022 at 6:22 am Reply
MW: when I saw the last panel, suddenly the music from Jaws played in my head.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Baja Gaijin
June 13th, 2022 at 4:26 am Reply
Mary Worth: Oh, please. If Mary were honest with herself, the question wouldn’t be “Should I tell Dawn?” but “How big a basket of muffins when I tell Dawn? I am so tattling on Jared faster than Dolly narcing on Jeffy.”
Charterstoned
June 13th, 2022 at 4:35 am Reply
MW: “HMMM…He seems especially ATTENTIVE with that woman. It’s like they’re in another world. Or in a GALAXY, FAR, FAR AWAY. And now he’s undressing her…! Oh, my! Now HE’S naked, too—and he’s climbing into her hospital bed! And now he’s—well, Jared certainly knows how to cheer up that one-eyed patient!”
Merry Mirth
June 13th, 2022 at 4:48 am Reply
OF COURSE YOU SHOULD TELL DAWN!!!!!! IMMEDIATELY!!! Then sit back and let the carnage unfold. This could turn out to be a twenty-dozen-muffin catastrophe — the pinnacle of your meddling career!
There’s nothing to wonder about unless you’re starting to develop a conscience after all these years. But now is not the time to go wobbly, Mare. Pedal to the meddle!
The Grammar Hammer
June 13th, 2022 at 5:20 am Reply
Mary Worth: Time to take my pet peeve out for a walk:
It is incorrect to place a question mark after Mary’s thought in panel 2. She expressed a simple declarative sentence (“I wonder . . .”); she did not ask a question.
We don’t know if this is Moy’s error or Brigman’s error, but they are culpable since neither corrected the other.
Frickin’ hacks shouldn’t be allowed to disgrace the English language like this.
Old School Allie Cat
June 13th, 2022 at 6:29 am Reply
Mary Worth – “Your boyfriend was compassionately listening to a patient who looked like she had the stuffing beaten out of her. What a worthless sack of skin!”
Anty A
June 13th, 2022 at 6:35 am Reply
MW: That Mary could see a situation for two seconds, make assumptions, and wonder if she should “tell Dawn” makes her look like a high school girl with white hair and it’s just too early in the morning for that.
Inspector Gotcha
June 13th, 2022 at 5:12 am Reply
GT: “Yeah, but you missed the two extra points. Everybody, drop and give me twenty!”
richardf8
June 13th, 2022 at 6:19 am Reply
Crock – In a world where most food is a glop derived from camel shit, Baloney on a Bun is indeed a gourmet treat.
The Rambling Otter
June 13th, 2022 at 6:20 am Reply
Crock: So many jokes he could have used.
“I created a soft-drink”
“The taste is dull and uninspired, what is this?”
“The Da Vinci Coke”
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Weaselboy
June 13th, 2022 at 6:25 am Reply
Part one of Crankshaft’s School Bus Driving Class is over. The kid passed.
Ukulele Ike
June 13th, 2022 at 6:55 am Reply
DtM: As we can tell from her expression, Alice recognizes the coded message of her secret lover. This afternoon she will give Dennis a quarter and send him off to the double-feature while she enjoys a rumbustious lace-and-leather sexual romp.
I speak Jive
June 13th, 2022 at 7:44 am Reply
FW – I had no idea who these people are, so thanks to the comments for identifying Cory and his fiancee.
They can have a nice wedding thanks to the money Cory stole from Lisa’s Legacy Run.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Scofflaw Jr.
June 14th, 2022 at 5:41 am Reply
Blondie – Obviously the sandwich this creepy little pencil pusher is thinking about includes him as the meat, Blondie and Cookie will provide the buns… Special sauce aplenty for all. Sigh… Some days.
Needless_Exposition
June 14th, 2022 at 6:13 am Reply
Blondie: The loan officer thinks “sandwiches” are a euphemism for something judging by that grin.
“Dagwood? More like Dagcucked, mwehehe.”
“Excuse me?”
“Let’s sign your loan now, Mrs. Bum-Bum…Bum-Bumstead!”
The Bonnie Situation
June 14th, 2022 at 6:32 am Reply
I’ll tell you what figure I have in mind, Blondie. Yours. Now let’s talk about that loan.
jroggs
June 14th, 2022 at 4:57 am Reply
Blondie: When you want a ride, you’ve got to pay your way with gas, grass, or ass. At the loan office, it’s cred, head, or bread.
MW: Reverse these two panels and it’s a perfect joke.
I speak Jive
June 14th, 2022 at 7:50 am Reply
MW – He talks to his cat? No, no, no, Jared. Get a dog to talk to. Dogs are good. Cats don’t give a shit.
Needless_Exposition
June 14th, 2022 at 7:59 am Reply
@I speak Jive: Except for Libby who cares about Estelle enough that she gave Wilbur a gold shower on his “throne.”
Mardou Fox
June 14th, 2022 at 7:14 am Reply
MW: We all know dogs are great, but when you are being violently attacked by your SO, there is nothing like chatting with your cat to make everything okay again! End of story arc!
Daisy
June 14th, 2022 at 10:13 am Reply
MW: I’m glad to see cats are finally getting their due as divine intermediaries between mortal beings and the celestial realm. Sharing one’s innermost thoughts with one’s cat can be transcendent. Even with one eye, they possess superior insight into the psychic realm.
Needless_Exposition
June 14th, 2022 at 7:19 am Reply
Jared might be desperate and in need for attention that isn’t being belittled and disrespected by his gold digging girlfriend with loose morals but Mary is truly the most loathsome of them all. She thought that Saul needed to “get over” his dead dog by pushing him into a situation where he had to get a new one because she drove him to the pet shelter against his will, practically blackmails Estelle into taking Wilbur back at least three times despite him not learning anything because she tells her she doesn’t deserve anything better, and that’s not even getting into her own passive aggressive treatment with her “loved ones” like Dr. Jeff whose proposals she refuses constantly because she wants to mooch off the sympathy of being a widow despite her husband literally being bones and dust in his grave.
tl;dr: If I had Mary and Jared in a room and I had two bullets, I would shoot Mary twice.
Baja Gaijin
June 14th, 2022 at 4:25 am Reply
Mary Worth: Mary Worth backing away from an obvious meddle. [Bing, Bing, BZZZT!]** The sound of Baja’s brain throwing a ‘divide by zero’ error on the sheer impossibility of this.
Garfield: Stop it, kitty cat! The comics page already has one Pluggers. It doesn’t need another, nor the one it already has if I’m being perfectly honest.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hibbleton
June 14th, 2022 at 5:14 am Reply
FC: The black apples aren’t a coloring error. Before Jeff updated the caption, they were originally used to show the Keane kids how women were the downfall of man in their Bible Stories for Children unpublished comic series.
DtM: Joey looks particularly wan today. Is he a kid who’s make-a-wish is to appear in a Dennis the Menace strip?
FritzHolz
June 14th, 2022 at 6:09 am Reply
The Nevada atomic test site opened in January 1951. Dennis the Menace launched in March 1951. Joey’s nose is the exact shape of a mushroom cloud. Coincidence?
Weaselboy
June 14th, 2022 at 6:27 am Reply
DTM – Dennis makes a stupid pun. Joey is kinda-sorta smirking. Please welcome guest writer Tom Batiuk!
Scofflaw Jr.
June 14th, 2022 at 10:03 am Reply
D T M – If you think that’s bad Dennis, my cousin Eddie says his drug habit is all that it’s CRACKED up to be..
LimberJoe
June 14th, 2022 at 5:08 am Reply
Judge Parker: How is it that no one has mentioned the rendering of Needy in panel 1 of today’s strip?
Inspector Gotcha
June 14th, 2022 at 5:37 am Reply
JP: “I’M weird??? Whatever you say, Balloon Lips. You should rent yourself out for kids’ birthday parties. If I give you a little nudge, will you float to the ceiling?”
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Inspector Gotcha
June 14th, 2022 at 5:51 am Reply
FW: Holly countenances this couple living in sin under her own roof??? Funky is going to be pissed. She didn’t put out for him until their first anniversary.
CS: Little Whatshisface is well on the way to wearing the mantle of the moron/asshole role that genetics has assigned him.
Hibbleton
June 14th, 2022 at 4:35 am Reply
Lockhorns: Loretta is careful to match her bridge table with old Star Trek bridge chairs.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Horace Broon
June 14th, 2022 at 10:19 am Reply
GT: Hey, remember when “Gregg’s dad doesn’t like being photgraphed and is probably in witness protection or something” was a thing? Turns out it’s still a thing!
RMMD: To be fair to Snake, he didn’t think the police had time to study the building plans, and they didn’t have the opportunity to question the Street Sweeper like he did, so how would they have known the back door was at the back?
Anyway, we’re about to get the comedy value of the Street Sweeper being all “Well, I guess the boys in blue can have him after all, then. Glad that’s all cleared up and … ah, hello, officers, are you here to talk about getting a Sweep Signal on the roof of your headquarters?”
(Although, now that I’ve written that, I’m not entirely sure that the cockeyed morality of the soap strips won’t decide that yes, the Caped Custodian may have kidnapped someone, but that person was bad, and also injured his arm, so he’s probably learned his lesson and we need say no more about it.)
Inspector Gotcha
June 15th, 2022 at 5:14 am Reply
FW: Isn’t the mother of the bride usually the Alpha Female at these things? I guess Carla is too pissed that Cory is shagging her daughter for free to give a crap about their sham wedding.
taig
June 15th, 2022 at 5:34 am Reply
FW: Carla looks like she’d be fun at insurrections.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dmsilev
June 15th, 2022 at 4:41 am Reply
Rex replies: “A snake hurt your arm? I’m sorry, your insurance doesn’t cover antivenin, so I’m going to have to ask you to pay in advance. Also, if you expect me to do the suck-out-the-poison thing, forget it.”
pugfuggly
June 15th, 2022 at 5:14 am Reply
RMMD: No snark, the line ‘Do I have the right to make you be silent’ is solid.
Ettorre
June 15th, 2022 at 5:45 am Reply
I don’t blame the criminal for thinking the police would not cover the back exit. In the Rex Morgan universe, you can always count on people half-assing things
Professor Well Actually
June 15th, 2022 at 6:29 am Reply
RMMD: is it a crime to be held hostage at gunpoint by a mentally ill man?
Philip
June 15th, 2022 at 8:43 am Reply
This being Rex Morgan MD, a lukewarm word from Rex will get Streetsweeper a plea deal down to probation and community service, which he will serve by literally sweeping the streets
Kevin On Earth
June 15th, 2022 at 4:48 am Reply
GT: You kind of lose some authority by saying that while your wife cuts your food for you -no matter how forcefully you point.
Professor Well Actually
June 15th, 2022 at 6:59 am Reply
GT: the Hamm family moved from Santa Royale, CA. They’re on the run from Meddler Mary. And who can blame them?
Everything Is Better With Monkeys
June 15th, 2022 at 7:01 am Reply
GT: I’m calling “Dad is a neo-Nazi and can’t bear the thought of the rest of the militia knowing his son has vision problem and should have been culled.”
Guillermo el chiclero
June 15th, 2022 at 9:23 am Reply
GT: If some high school rando can discover that Greg’s dad is in some kind of witness protection from a few hours of internet surfing wouldn’t it be just as easy for the people he’s hiding from to find him?
Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women
June 15th, 2022 at 5:45 am Reply
Gil Thorp: Has there EVER been a case where a high school coach saying “Anything wrong? only with my judgement for making this call” has NOT been followed by a detailed description of his penis?
Mary Worth: My first thought was that, in breaking up with club-hoppin’ Dawn, Jared probably dodged himself a dose of chlamydia, but odds are, Abusive Boyfriend likely brought it home. From Dawn.
Charterstoned
June 15th, 2022 at 4:36 am Reply
MW: Next we’ll find out that Jess hasn’t been able to leave her abuser because his name is Darth Maul.
Napoleon KuryakinSequiturJune 15th, 2022 at 5:31 am Reply
Mary Worth: So, Jared named his cat after The Man From U.N.C.L.E.?
Dennis Jimenez
June 15th, 2022 at 5:49 am Reply
MW – I thought they called Jared Mr Solo…you know, cuz of all the masturbation….
Weaselboy
June 15th, 2022 at 6:09 am Reply
MW – I’m just waiting for Jared to refer to his penis as Baby Yoda.
jvwalt
June 15th, 2022 at 6:15 am Reply
MW: “When Jared tells Jess he has a cat” is the least dramatic narration box in the history of narration boxes.
Austria
June 15th, 2022 at 9:24 am Reply
Mary Worth is braving uncharted waters today with the subtext of “Cats are good.” Is the readership ready for such a bold stance?
Old School Allie Cat
June 15th, 2022 at 6:50 am Reply
Mary Worth – “Also, I nicknamed my private parts my ‘Boba Fett’.” That’s Jared saying it, in case you wondered.
Danielakiiki
June 15th, 2022 at 8:36 am Reply
@Old School Allie Cat: What a coincidence, Jess named HER privates The Sarlacc. It’s a match made in heaven!
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mr Beardo.
June 15th, 2022 at 5:26 am Reply
Blondie – ho hum. another stupid strip of the same tired dagwood food addiction. this strip should be called “80 fucking years later and we still cant think of an original story”
Hibbleton
June 15th, 2022 at 7:18 am Reply
Blondie: Hours later the prior conversation is long forgotten and the last panel stands on its own. Yes, Dagwood. Your syntax may be awkward and lacks a clear antecedent to “it” (censors and all that) but we get the picture.
taig
June 15th, 2022 at 5:34 am Reply
FC: *Sigh* Just like I wasn’t a good box to plant melonhead seed… (apologies)
Garrison Skunk
June 15th, 2022 at 9:08 am Reply
Familiar Mucus: At least,Thel, he’s given up planting eggs so he can grow a bird.
N. Scudder
June 15th, 2022 at 8:37 am Reply
Pluggers: “When a Plugger’s computer is acting up, you can be sure the problem is the connection between the chair and the mouse.”
As a former IT guy, I can assure you this is true for all users. We used to refer to this as the MMI, or “Man-Machine-Interface” error, meaning that the computer user has typed, or clicked in the wrong data or instruction. Garbage In, Garbage Out. That is evidently the case with Henrietta Hen here.
However, a subcategory of MMI errors, the PMI — Plugger-Machine-Interface — problem is that the Plugger in q. may be too obese to reach the keyboard or mouse. This is the reason, I believe, that Microsoft Bob, an operating system designed for Pluggers, never succeeded as well as it should.
// So, today, let’s chalk up a half-point for “Pluggers are Fat.”
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I speak Jive
June 16th, 2022 at 4:46 am Reply
Crankshaft – Come on, Lil. Put another checkmark in the “Lives I ruined” column. We’ll forgive you for this one.
Inspector Gotcha
June 16th, 2022 at 4:49 am Reply
CS: Whoa! Lillian’s unloadin’ some straight-fire smack, and Cranky got nuthin’. Just then little Mitch pipes up and says, “I’m sorry I twisted your fence. It was an unforseen accibent.” Lillian calls him an asshole.
jroggs
June 16th, 2022 at 4:48 am Reply
GT: Sure, Mrs. Hamm, why not betray your husband’s privacy and trust in you? Your son’s baseball coach was curious about something that’s none of his business; who could say no to that?
The Rambling Otter
June 16th, 2022 at 5:24 am Reply
Blondie: The only time that I ever laughed unironically at a Blondie comic, was one where Dagwood was showing Alexander a photo album.
Dagwood: This is my Uncle Horatio, he’s a gold miner but he was terrible at it, even his mule found more gold than he did.
Alexander: What’s he doing now?
Dagwood: Still mining, meanwhile his mule is living in Beverly Hills.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
taig
June 16th, 2022 at 5:35 am Reply
FC: Not pictured: Jeffy also “raining” on the plants.
But What Do I Know?
June 16th, 2022 at 6:29 am Reply
DtM — Henry, you know the old saying, When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like Dennis’s head
cheech wizard
June 16th, 2022 at 8:17 am Reply
MW – Why do I get the impression Jess isn’t really a domestic violence victim but a Frankensteinian abomination stitched together from parts in the hospital morgue? The stitches are part of it but the dialog is the clincher.
Hibbleton
June 16th, 2022 at 6:53 am Reply
MW: The dialogue loses some of its appeal when you realize Jared is carrying a loaded bedpan.
cheech wizard
June 16th, 2022 at 8:20 am Reply
MW – “Yeah, I talk to my cat all the time. And she told me to do this. I’m sorry, Jess. (Puts pillow over her face, muffled screams ensue)
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
jroggs
June 16th, 2022 at 5:52 am Reply
JP: This arson arc started about a year ago. . . . You broke me, Marciuliano. I’m done with Judge Parker.
Ukulele Ike
June 16th, 2022 at 8:13 am Reply
@jroggs: Well and fully exposited, but I read it for the tits.
Pozzo
June 17th, 2022 at 4:45 am Reply
RMMD: “This place is a mess. On the other hand, free pizza — BONUS!”
Inspector Gotcha
June 17th, 2022 at 5:04 am Reply
RMMD: “Hell, Doc, he didn’t even know how to make his apartment a better place.”
taig
June 17th, 2022 at 5:01 am Reply
Luann: The first panel led me to believe Les had turned into a zombie. Imagine my disappointment.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hibbleton
June 17th, 2022 at 4:40 am Reply
I see today that Comics Kingdom is up to their usual standards.
richardf8
June 17th, 2022 at 4:35 am Reply
So. After yesterday’s Beetle Bailey, I can only conclude that it’s naked butt week at Comics Kingdom. I was going to complain that their site hasn’t updated yet, but now I see what broke it.
Schroduck
June 17th, 2022 at 5:30 am Reply
Funky Winkerbean breaks the internet! (In the sense that his butt is so terrible that humanity decides to shut down every web server to protect ourselves from it)
BeckoningChasm
June 17th, 2022 at 4:27 am Reply
FW: I guess in the Funkyverse it’s perfectly acceptable for you to just barge right in to the bathroom, no need to knock or say “Is anyone in there?” Typically, when I see a bathroom door that’s closed, I assume that someone is using it, but then I don’t live in a universe where everyone hates everyone else and only comic books are considered valuable.
Calvin’s Cardboard Box
June 17th, 2022 at 4:43 am Reply
@BeckoningChasm: FW – Not only is the bathroom door closed, but it would be hard to miss the sound of the shower running from behind the door.
No, this was intentional. She wanted a glimpse of the old funky felt-tip! And she glimpsed, and he was feeling it!
Dennis Jimenez
June 17th, 2022 at 5:16 am Reply
FW – Up at the crack of dawn…unfortunately, today it’s a Plugger butt crank. Yuck….
Daisy
June 17th, 2022 at 5:18 am Reply
FW: I was thinking of cooking a nice pork butt for dinner, but now I don’t think so. I’m going meatless for a while…a good long while.
taig
June 17th, 2022 at 5:41 am Reply
Earlier this week I made a bit of snark that alluded to the opening scene of Psycho. Now I wish I hadn’t.
Tabby Lavalamp
June 17th, 2022 at 6:18 am Reply
Tom Batiuk’s been reading some 9 Chickweed Lane and he’s feeling a little horndoggish now.
Uncle Lumpy
June 17th, 2022 at 4:39 am Reply
In a media landscape awash in Ass News, it’s remarkable that the few available crumbs of non-Ass News can be found in Gil Thorp, a strip that explicitly contains Marty Moon!
Dan
June 17th, 2022 at 4:29 am Reply
(Kaz turns directly to the camera) This is unfair. Nobody should ever lose their job for something as inconsequential as plagiarism. (In the background, Gil tells the kids that if they have sharp eyes and good hearts, they can’t fail.)
Vice President John Adams
June 17th, 2022 at 5:21 am Reply
“Damn it, Kaz, stop typing ‘Hamster’! Oh, for Pete’s sake you did it again! Look, I’ll spell the damn thing for you. H-A-M-S-T— oh god DAMN IT!”
But What Do I Know?
June 17th, 2022 at 5:22 am Reply
GT — “Plagiarism, inventing sources, faking quotes. . . but he never took a plastic knife to work. See if we can’t get this guy a job at the Milford Star. . .
Drew Funk
June 17th, 2022 at 5:41 am Reply
After a quick and sloppy reading of today’s Gil Thorp, I was under the impression that Gregg’s dad used to be on the cover of Hot Guy Magazine, and was now trying to move on from that. All respect to Neal Rubin, but I think I like my plot twist better.
Philip
June 17th, 2022 at 7:30 am Reply
Funky Winkerbean: The syndicate has decided since children no longer read the newspaper comics they can test the waters toward HBO style “prestige” content, which they assume means nudity.
Gil Thorp: The original plot was that Mason Hamstetter was stealing content to put on his memes Instagram page, but the creators realized that 1.) No one has ever lifted Gil Thorp’s content without attribution, 2.) Explaining what Instagram and meme influencers are would cut into their riveting two-week long coverage of a single inning of high school baseball.
Ettorre
June 17th, 2022 at 5:30 am Reply
GT: Faking quotes? My God, Gregg’s father wrote for “Mary Worth”!
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Merry Mirth
June 17th, 2022 at 5:10 am Reply
“Oh by the way, Jared, your patient in 308 died about a half hour ago. We found her with her finger pressed on the call button, but I guess you had your pager turned off. I’ve spoken to you about this before.”
Shrug
June 17th, 2022 at 5:35 am Reply
9 CHICKWEED LANE: If, tomorrow, we see that duck poop on Edda’s head, it will immediately become my all-time favorite character in this strip. (I know, low bar.)
Liam
June 17th, 2022 at 6:13 am Reply
Pluggers-Agnew, Steve. Sounds like a typical bastard.
Special Scrotal Awards to the Best No. 69 and Beyond Comments of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
69. Pozzo
June 11th, 2022 at 8:36 am Reply
Does Jeffy’s shirt indicate he has a seat on the Stock Exchange? That would explain a lot, actually.
69. Phlegm
June 14th, 2022 at 6:41 am Reply
When I say sandwiches I mean fish tacos.
Special Scrotal Awards to the Best No. 69 and Beyond Comments of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Special Bare Ass Edition)
69. TomMasz
June 15th, 2022 at 6:47 am Reply
Rex: “Covering the rear exit” indeed.
69. Johnnylongtorso
June 17th, 2022 at 6:20 am Reply
Funky Winkerbean? More like Dummy Thiccerbean.
Thanks, Baja and Scratchy.
Congratulations to Dan for the COTW!
And a special thanks to
BoingoBaja andLemony Fresh CrotchScratchy for the mentions.@Sequitur:
Lemony Fresh CrotchScratchy***
Aw, gee, you sniffed.
Thanks, Baja and Scratchy, for the mentions! And to Daisy and Scratchy for the ride-along credit.
@26 Scratchy Scrotum LXIX:
Woof!
Catching a ride on the float is always a fun start to the weekend – thanks, Josh. And congrats to Dan and other other floaters.
Also thanks to Baja and Scratchy for the Shadows and Scrotums – which for the first time ever for me, are exactly the same in both categories. Maybe a portent of some kind?
Congrats to Dan! Well deserved, as finding an angle to mine humor out of Curtis adds on a degree of difficulty multiplier. Honored to be given a seat on your float.
Shout outs to Hibbleton and jroggs. Great stuff.
Thanks for the mentions, Scratchy and Baja!
And mostly, congrats to Josh, as Funky’s ass is no longer at the top of his webpage. Truly the big winner of the week.
Make that “Dan and the other floaters.” Arrggghhh!!
Thank you, Josh. Thank you Baja and Scratchy. Thanks to all the contributers. We will make this a better world, together, one comic strip snark at a time!
♫ This strip is my strip, this strip is your strip,
My butt is freezing, because it’s naked…♫
Come on everybody, on the chorus, first the girls…
That was terrible, come on, now the boys…
// Phui! You’d do it for Pete Segar.
Seems my homicidal tendencies for that meddling old crone have landed me in recognition with our pals Baja and Scratchy. Excellent…
All very funny! Tommy Lavalamp’s comment had me laughing to tears, though. Congrats to all!
@Chance:
Thank you! Two weeks in a row for me! homerwoohoo.jpg
Thanks Josh (and Baja and Scratchy), and congrats to all the COTWs!
Hearty congratulations to Dan and the other floaters – er, those accompanying Dan on the float – “floaters” is what my hubby calls his aquarium fish who’ve gone belly-up (poor little things) and I am by no means equating CC float riders with dead fish! No siree!!! And thanks to Baja and Scratchy for the honorable mentions! Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!
Thanks Baja and congrats to all.
Hey, thanks for the mentions, Baja and Scratchy, and congrats to Dan and the floaters. Throwing bedpans.
Thanks Josh, and thanks Scratchy and Baja, and Voshkudos to Dan, pugfuggly, jroggs, taig, and els.
A fine funny week, with lots of glittery confetti for COTW winner Dan and more glittery confetti for those waving Scrotes and those waving from the floats! Assorted hospital meals for all! Potasterisks to Navigator for the foreshadowing, Needless_Exposition for the bullets, Chance for the malleus, Vice President John Adams for the hamster, and Daisy for the pork butt.
And thank you, Baja, for the float chair.
@Chance: burrrrrrrp
Pearls: hosed by Dolly Keane!
Nice going Dan on the CotW! Congrats to all the others on the floats and flaunting scrotes.
Thanks for the mentions, Josh, Baja, and Scratchy! I was surprised to see my silly Star Wars joke make the list.
Congrats to Dan and thanks, Scratchy!
Congrats to Dan and the floaters, the shadows and scroters and thanks to Baja and Scratchy for the kind recognition.
And a note to OSG – I did not mean for you to be so chagrined, and I thank you for the opportunity to imagine Jess failing to fend off a Battleth with a plastic light saber. Ka’Plah!
Very funny indeed. Congrats to the folks on the float, as well as the shadow (thanks, Baja) and scratchie notables.
Thanks Josh, Baja and Scratchy!
Big thanks to Josh, Baja, and Scratchy for the highlights and a special thanks for the mentions. Funny stuff!
Congrats to all of this week’s comment monsters, and thanks Baja and Scratchy for the mentions. A ringside seat to Abbey and Sam’s marriage counseling session is on its way to each of you.
I reluctantly admit that COTW is an integral part of the structure of my week. Especially in the covid/post-covid era. Thanks for a laughy week!
Thanks, Baja and Scratchy!
@51 Old School Allie Cat: There are worse things to become an integral part of your weekly structure, such as beer battered broccoli bhajji or ritual hyperflatulence. Come to think about it, the former may lead to the latter.