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Hey folks! Have you ever heard about a little something called karma???? It goes like this: I make an innocent little joke in which I call for the death of Dustin, the beloved title character of the comic strip Dustin, and then I am immediately myself afflicted with a case of COVID-19. Symptoms quite mild but probably not best for me to spend 90 minutes tonight yelling jokes at a crowd of people in a poorly ventilated theater, so I am cancelling tonight’s Internet Read Aloud!!! Sorry all and hopefully I can get this gang back together in 2023.

Not even a serious respiratory virus can stop the comment of the week, however, which was carefully selected in my sealed bunker:

“Billy doesn’t seem to me like the kind of kid who’d have an expensive, lab-quality microscope, but if he got one, he’s definitely the kind of kid who’d leave it on the floor.” –Steph

The runners up? Also quite funny!

“This one got a real smile out of me. Not because of the ‘joke,’ but because I enjoy seeing Hi and Lois being shitty to their dumb kids. Look at those little jerkwads all sad and stuff. This is the true meaning of Halloween!” –pugfuggly

“Wait, can the Daddy Daze Mommy ‘hear’ the ‘real’ meaning of Angus’s ‘ba ba ba’s too? Either he’s actually communicating with them or their shared insanity makes their breakup either that much more inexplicable, or that much more inevitable.” –Morgan Wick

“I’d say hitting on your waitress is inappropriate, but maybe it’s ironic flirting to go with her kitschy, ironic beehive hairdo? Is that what the kids are into these days?” –made of wince

“There’s still hope for a twist ending, as that entire spur of rock breaks off.” –Ken

“Now let’s talk about the murder of Kathy Kangaroo and Slick Smitty wearing her skin.” –Liam

“Dying to find out if the robot dog is looking at, like, a midwestern mayonnaise and potato chip salad and affectionately chuckling, ‘Well ain’t that America folks?’ or if his character is being forcibly hauled away from a government building and angrily shouting, ‘OH I’M SORRY IS THIS NOT AMERICA’ at the security guards.” –Dan

“Maybe Slick Smitty was a furry in the Before Times, and his shit-eating grin is because all those who made fun of him for wanting to live in an animal world are now dead.” –Philip

“Just look at Summer vigorously taking notes. ‘Pulitzer, here I come!’” –Lord Flatulance

“Sorry, I phrased that incorrectly. What I meant to say is, ‘Standing on cliff edges? No way I’m done with that!’ Check this out, I’m gonna pee over the edge and make my own waterfa– Oops! Uff!” –jroggs

“Montoni’s pizza is made with love and our secret special ingredient (the secret ingredient is amniotic fluid).” –Schroduck

“‘You’re weird but I’m disgusting.’ That showed her. Possibly.” –Anonymous (but not that one)

“‘Compulsive’ implies a lack of free will in the matter and thus a lack of personal responsibility. Blondie chose the life of uncovering secrets and spreading shame and revels in it!” –Ettorre

“Under the old writer, Gil and Mimi spent their ‘alone time’ drinking an endless wash of fresh lemonade. Perhaps it was the abundance of vitamin C that made for such a happy home.” –Ukulele Ike

“Yes, Dennis. It’s those accursed longshoremen in Los Angeles lollygaging while your precious cookies grow stale in maritime shipping containers.” –Dennis Jimenez

“Uncle Cosmo is even more disappointed. He was counting on this flick to get him out of having ‘the talk’ with Skyler.” –Peanut Gallery

“I’m like a Forever Stamp. Dead man on one side, sticky on the other!” –Voshkod

“Never let it be said that the Perfesser is not taking care of his nephew. Here, he’s teaching him the key adult skill of how to slump in an armchair and stare, glassy-eyed, at anything that’s on TV.” –Lawyerbob

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