Metapost: Top o’ the COTW to ye
Post Content
This week’s top comment won’t drive all the snakes out of your peaceful island, but it will make you laugh:
“I’m so glad that Slylock does the dopey, overly earnest ‘sitting on a chair backwards to be cool and relatable’ thing as he ‘raps’ with the kids about ‘the degenerate facial features of the lower, criminal types.’” –Dunkelcopter
These runners up will also do the trick!
“So Herb and Dag play ping pong Matrix-style, jumping off walls and defying the laws of physics to win a best of five. Has this never come up before? Seems more interesting than that office bullshit.” –pugfuggly
“I choose to believe the women are just trying to coax the two guys out of the poorly designed horse costume. Their jobs suck, but they are definitely marriage material.” –made of wince
“I thought Dagwood was saying that he had single-handedly turned Facebook around, and you know what? That would be a much better film than the real Social Network. ‘A million dollars isn’t cool. You know what is cool? Do you? Please tell me, I haven’t kept up with popular culture since the 1920s.’” –Schroduck
“Count Weirdly’s are the only human fingerprints on the can. The others belong to an aardvark and a banana slug. And when it comes to crime, who’s guilty? That’s right, the humans. You think I’m going to accuse Mayor Barbara Banana-Slug’s son of stealing? Come on now, this was why we fought the war in the first place.” –The Ghost of Jarrod
“The effort, the brainpower, the tens of seconds that went into the name of that restaurant: (salad) chef’s kiss. I say this with complete sincerity: This is my favorite thing on the comics page in years. Everything about it is perfect. The name ‘Salad Town.’ The salads themselves, indistinguishable from the flowers on the table. The fact that the name — again, SALAD TOWN — was clearly both conceived and written on the window while the proprietor was drunk. Salad. Town. I’ll never get over it.” –els
“Someone was listening! Someone was actually listening to my sermon! Maybe being a priest is for me after all!” –RogerBW
“You can really tell Dagwood and Lou are up on current trends by how they are reading a newspaper.” –Drew Funk
“The good news is that the time travel experiment was a success, and I brought back this miraculous piece of medical technology. The bad news is that I’m not actually putting the stethoscope in my ears, so it’s not actually doing anything. The worse news is that a stethoscope, even if used correctly, isn’t going to help with your missing hands. The even worse news is that I have a pair of iron gauntlets I’m going to weld on to your stumps. The worst news is that we have no anesthesia. But the best news is that you’ll be known as Eddie Ironfists in the new Edda!” –Voshkod
“I prefer to think that Dagwood and Sandwich Guy (I don’t remember his name and I frankly don’t care to) are just sports illiterate and don’t understand any sort of physical activity besides eating. ‘Baseball? I don’t know what that is but y’know what I do understand? Stuffing my fucking face.’” –ectojazzmage
“No, of course it doesn’t make any sense for Hootin’ Holler to have a golf course, but just as the Magicians’ Union requires every professional magic act to include at least one card trick, the cartoonists’ union requires every comic strip to have at least one golf panel a year. You wouldn’t want John Rose to be accused of scabbing, would you?” –Rube
“Mommy, it used to be a cookie! At least when it went in the mouth end anyway.” –2+2=7
“Oh… you didn’t mean your actual heart … you want something to deaden the emotional pain. Why that’s easy, Barney, I got all kinds of cure alls for that. Most of them contain opium, so if you see the Feds pokin’ around, shoot first, and say, ‘Am I being detained?’ second.” –Old Man Shadow
“So this is what a plugger’s hook-up dating site profile looks like? At least it’s direct.” –jroggs
“Randy Parker has turned into … Legal Chameleon, Cavelton’s newest superhero! No capes, no masks needed. His disguise is his background, with his ethics, opinions, and complexion all changing to match his surroundings!” –Charterstoned
“Pluggers don’t need your hoity-toity French philosophers to know continuity of self is an illusion! The rapid decay of their body teaches it much more efficiently, and they didn’t even have to read Althusser.” –Lark L
“Mentioning a specific moment in time near Ida Noe will activate her curse, transporting everyone in the room to see Waldo Wallet lose a game of ‘Give me five, up high’ to the legendarily gangly Abraham Lincoln before pitching forward into the horse-turd-filled muck of 19th century Gasoline Alley.” –Mantipath
“It’s wild what goes through their digestive tracts, judging by the way they’re standing.” –nescio
“‘A giant leprechaun…’ So Dagwood gets confused by average sized Irish people?” –Tabby Lavalamp
“I didn’t initially see the clock over Leroy’s head, and just assumed that he was extremely unhappy that people were glad to see him. Now that I see the clock, I stand by that interpretation.” –Vice President John Adams
“Memo from corporate: the good news is, we’re getting that high-rise Manhattan office with a window that looks out over the city. The bad news? Rent is so much that we can only afford one desk for all six of you, plus a digital clock from Five Below.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women
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38 replies to “Metapost: Top o’ the COTW to ye”
Shadow COTPWMFTLTBWL
Pozzo
March 10th, 2023 at 4:44 am Reply
Hägar the Horrible: To make the image complete, Helga’s horns should start wiggling in panel two, like Killer’s hat flap thingies in “Beetle Bailey.”
Spunky The Wonder Squid
March 10th, 2023 at 4:56 am Reply
Hi & Lois: Chip is in his room recreating the home experiments of David Hahn, AKA “The Radioactive Boy Scout”. I’m not saying all teenage boys’ rooms are highly toxic nuclear sites but I am saying it’s preferable to what he’s probably doing.
Inspector Gotcha
March 10th, 2023 at 4:59 am Reply
Rex Morgan: “Why do you assume I’m unattached?”
“Jesus, have you ever looked in a mirror? That ‘thing’ atop of your head is hideous. Besides, you reek of bacon grease and cottage cheese. But look, here comes MY man. Ta-ta!”
Shrug
March 10th, 2023 at 5:00 am Reply
Judge Parker: “Protect your family!, Sa. . .heh ha HA HA HA . . . oh, crap, I *knew* I couldn’t say that with a straight face!”
pugfuggly
March 10th, 2023 at 5:01 am Reply
Hägar the Horrible: Just imagining the confusion of porn website data engineers as they see the term “Cartoon Viking Cuckquean” spike in the search rankings…
Ukranazi Stepan
March 10th, 2023 at 5:25 am Reply
So who would Josh have put on top of the Wives Interested In Three-ways List?
It’s a toss-up between Blondie and Loretta Lockhorn, isn’t it?
Tabby Lavalamp
March 10th, 2023 at 5:38 am Reply
Hi & Lois: Chip has hoisted the Jolly Roger because the kids today are into shiverin’ their timbers. Arrr.
Drew Funk
March 10th, 2023 at 6:24 am Reply
Gasoline Alley: Due to the nature of the art in this feature, I briefly mistook the lamp in Panel 1 for a human character.
2+2=7
March 10th, 2023 at 6:54 am Reply
Rex Morgan: Once again, Rex Morgan M.D. is snoozeville, so I’m going to layer the Dynasty filter on it to punch it up a bit:
Panel #1:
Wanda: “Sounds like we have a lot in common. This place was my dad’s, and I’ve been working here since I was a kid.” (“I, of course, respect the family business and contribute to it. I wouldn’t make my parent work themselves to death all alone like a slave!“)
Panel #2:
Wanda: “Retirement sounds nice, but still a long ways a long away for me” (“I’m still young fresh and active in the prime of her life, unlike you you dried-up old bat!“)
Panel #3:
Yvonne: “You never know…maybe some sweet guy will come along an change up your life.” (“I married a guy who could take me away from the soul-numbing drudgery of diner management. Good luck getting the broken-down losers you shack up with to do that while they bum free meals outta you.“)
TheDiva
March 10th, 2023 at 7:32 am Reply
Luann: This is a lot of fuss for a “do you like me? check yes or no” letter.
Brad D. Sibbersen
March 10th, 2023 at 8:08 am Reply
Gasoline Alley: Seems like Walt is confusing shaking hands with the clap.
2+2=7
March 10th, 2023 at 8:45 am Reply
Gil Thorp: Whoops! It looks like Atazhoon’s shoes were being bound by the same tape used to hold the strips 10,000 subplots together. Uh-oh!
//Comment of the Previous Week Made Far Too Late to be Worth Listing. Kudos to L’esprit de l’escalier for naming this category.
Springboard Shadow CsOTW
Shrug
March 12th, 2023 at 9:23 am Reply
@Horace Broon: Mary Worth: But I have to say, on balance, the times when a pet owner comes in with a sick animal and we don’t kill it definitely have the edge. Anyway, I hope that’s helped.”
——————————————————
Wait a minute, you’re implying that we should kill the animals and not the owners? Oops! I’ve been doing it wrong!
Shrug
March 13th, 2023 at 8:31 am Reply
@MKay: Hi and Lois: I want to think that the wispy Foofram has a terrible secret that only Thirsty knows.
——————————————————
He’s an escaped mouse murderer, who changed his name from the original “Little Bunny Foo-Foo.”
Uncle Lumpy
March 14th, 2023 at 1:51 pm Reply
@Noel: Mary Worth: Hmm. Am I supposed to find Estelle absolutely loathsome?
——————————————————
No, that’s Lillian. Estelle is the future hag. Common mistake.
Shrug
March 14th, 2023 at 5:57 am Reply
@jroggs: Judge Parker: …we never got a name for Lil Dunk himself.
——————————————————
Offspring of a full-fledged “Dunk” could be described as a “Dip.” Of course, pretty much every character in this storyline could be described that way also. Or possibly with a slightly longer version.
Shrug
March 14th, 2023 at 6:49 am Reply
@Government Cheese: Mary Worth Has anyone suggested that Estelle is crazy?
——————————————————
You forgot to mention the number one proof Estelle is crazy: she seeks out Mary for advice.
Shrug
March 16th, 2023 at 9:17 am Reply
@Guillermo el chiclero: Gasoline Alley: Even without the swelling those were some big, muscular hands, probably from all those years of rail splitting and keel boating.
——————————————————
Is that what the kids are calling it these days?
Garrison Skunk
March 16th, 2023 at 1:02 pm Reply
@Shrug: Is Josh sleeping in too much corned beef and cabbage for breakfast,…
——————————————————
If “Blondie” has taught us anything it’s – What foods a man sleeps with is private between him and his significant other.
Besides, as any Constanza will tell you, corned beef is the most romantic of the cured meats.
Special Long-form Shadow CsOTW
Charterstoned
March 11th, 2023 at 5:37 am Reply
Mary Worth: As he counsels Steven with less-than-satisfactory results, Dr. Ed suddenly lifts his nose and sniffs. “What is that? I think I smell muffins—just a whiff, mind you!—a spicy aroma wafting on the breeze, tendrils of odiferousness reaching like long, bony fingers from the direction of Charterstone. The wind is from the East. Yes. Only—now that it’s stronger, I realize it’s not muffins at all! No, not muffins, but fresh-baked…ANIMAL TREATS…! Look! That old hag who just stepped out of the taxi is coming this way! Only she’s not carrying an animal. The hag is holding a bag, not a dog who can wag, or a cat with a tag. The smell makes me gag!”
Hibbleton
March 11th, 2023 at 5:41 am Reply
Blondie:
“Got any barbecue flavored cookies?”
“No, that would be stupid.”
“What about leg of lamb?”
“Get the fuck out of here.”
“If I buy all your cookies, can I put them on a sandwich and eat them like that?”
“I’m calling the cops.”
Rita Lake
March 11th, 2023 at 7:24 am Reply
Rex Morgan: Usually if I were following a story and saw the narrative lingering on a scene as mind-numbingly boring as this, in which an old couple finishes dinner at a restaurant and contemplates watching some absolutely ancient movies or possibly going to bed early, I would assume their boring routine is about to be DRAMATICALLY INTERRUPTED by some unexpected excitement. Maybe instead of finding Hank Sr. watching old movies, they’ll find him dead! No, wait, that’s not so dramatic or unexpected since he’s super old. Maybe instead of peacefully returning home, they’ll get mugged, or carjacked, or taken hostage by a vigilante janitor! But given this strip’s record, there’s a 50/50 chance that their evening will be dramatically interrupted by someone who’s feeling dizzy due to low blood sugar, and a 50/50 chance that they’ll return home without incident and go to bed early. ANOTHER NAIL-BITING EPISODE OF REX MORGAN, M.D.!
Seriously, I hope they’re setting up a story in which these two come home to find Hank Sr. collapsed with a heart attack or something, and they have to call in Rex to save him. It would at least give us a little taste of drama.
The Rambling Otter
March 12th, 2023 at 7:25 am Reply
After reading today’s Barney Google… I decided on asking the question.
Is there furry art of Sparkplug?
So I did the unthinkable and looked up on a furry art site… dreading what I would find.
Literally the only drawing I found of him… was nothing lewd, not even anthropomorphized, but rather the drawing was the artist asking “Is this supposed to be a horse?!?” due to Sparkplug’s bizarre design.
The things I do for… science?
Philip
March 12th, 2023 at 2:52 pm Reply
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith – The show Northern Exposure (CBS, 1990-95) was about how a New York raise Jewish doctor got sent to Alaska for a number of years to serve as a town doctor in exchange for the state paying his med school costs. With the Supreme Court likely to overturn Biden’s student loan forgiveness, perhaps a deal can be struck with rural Republicans to send eligible young people into declining rural areas to rebuild the population and genetic pool. In fact, the comics can be a great vehicle to promote this program, as they can send Dustin to Hootin’ Holler and maybe, outside of the toxic influence of his family, he can grow as a person. At the very least, he can provide DNA for the first child in generations not to be born without the cauliflower ear.
DAS
March 13th, 2023 at 5:24 am Reply
Mary Worth: The advertising jingle writes itself …
Gotta make a move to a town that’s right for me
Town to keep me movin’
Keep me groovin’ with some fiber
Well, I talk about it, talk about it
[…]
Talk about movin’
Gotta move on
[…]
Won’t you take me to
Salad Town?
Charterstoned
March 14th, 2023 at 6:28 am Reply
Mary Worth: A lot of you Mudges are suggesting that Estelle DESERVES Wilbur. Well, I disagree. Estelle should have to EARN Wilbur. In fact, at this point she should have to GROVEL in order to win him back. She should EMBRACE his ENDEARING QUIRKS and show him in all the ways she can that HE IS HER MAN! True love doesn’t happen after two lousy dates and a little piano music. No, it develops slowly, only after a grueling courtship that includes heavy drinking, lots of karaoke, and repeated instances of loathsome inconsideration, exposing all the good and bad, all the highs and lows of love that will last a LIFETIME. It’s Wilbur who deserves Estelle. He’s been faithful. Ish. And now it’s up to Estelle to prove that she’s WORTHY of him.
At least, I think that’s what Mary is about to advise.
Poteet
March 14th, 2023 at 11:06 am Reply
Judge Parker: Wait a minute, we’re not going to find out anything else about the brown thrasher or possibly thrush, including why she/he flew so far up in the sky for no particular reason when Spouse Thrasher was busy hunting for insects? “Where the hell have you been? The kids need caterpillars!” “I was serving as a temporary narrator for a JUDGE PARKER comic strip story involving mayhem, murders, and senseless dialogue, and doing that required that I fly waaaaay up into the sky, far above the trees!” “Lay off those fermented mountain ash berries or you and I are done! And go hunt in that white oak while I take this maple!” “*sigh* Yes, dear.”
Special Extra Long-form Shadow CsOTW
Charterstoned
March 13th, 2023 at 9:33 am Reply
Mary Worth: [Cut to an island resort, where Wilbur and Dr. Ed are basking in the tropical sun, listening to the waves and watching with appreciation as several tanned and shapely young women in bikinis play beach volleyball nearby.]
Dr. Ed lifted his empty glass to signal the cabana boy for another round.
“This was really what the doctor ordered, Wilbur,” the vet sighed in deep satisfaction. “No animals, no angry clients, no demanding dates…!”
“No problemo, amirite?” Wilbur replied. “I couldn’t believe that I literally stumbled onto this vacation spot last year. I’ve been wanting to get back ever since, and I’m really glad you could join me. As man caves go, this isn’t too shabby.”
“I was glad to get away. HAHAHAHA. I wish I could have been there to see the look on my nephew’s face when I called him to take over the practice while I’m away! He was expecting to go off on his OWN vacation, but I beat him to it. I didn’t have the heart to tell him he’s got 24 euthanizations scheduled for Tuesday.” Dr. Ed shook his head, chuckling.
“What about Stell?” Wilbur asked as he accepted a frosty Mai Tai from the cabana boy. He took a sip and then set the cold glass on his belly. “Did she give you much of a hard time about coming here?”
“That’s the best part of this. Stell has no idea that I’m here. I told Steven that I was attending a long conference on “New Drugs for Old Pets,” and the idiot bought it. Estelle thinks I’m working too hard. BWAHAHAHAHHAHAA!” Dr. Ed leaned back in the lounge chair and took another sip. “You know, not to get too personal, but I sure don’t understand why Estelle ever left you in the first place.”
“Me, either.” Wilbur raised his glass in the direction of the cabana boy. “Not that I’m sorry she did. I’m having WAY more fun here with you than I ever could have with her. Say, there’s a karaoke bar behind those palm trees. Wanna give it a go?”
jroggs
March 16th, 2023 at 5:28 am Reply
Judge Parker: It’s time to put an end to the endless corruption in Cavelton, and so the city turns to… Randy fucking Parker?!
The guy who abandoned his previous post as a judge in a paranoid panic to hide in a bunker? The husband of a traitorous international assassin guilty of killing countless US government officials and other innocents, whose exploits have been widely documented in a Netflix minor hit, with whom he was willingly cooperating to keep safe from the authorities until just recently? The son of another previous judge who abused his position to forge legal documents to help enable his murderous fugitive father-in-law? The family friend of several people directly involved in the wave of killings and corruption endemic in Cavelton before and during the Judge Duncan fiasco? That guy? That’s who was appointed to not only fill the judicial vacancy but preside over the trials of the local police and gang suspects?
Christ on a crutch. And I thought Yelich handling the investigation was going to be the stupidest part of this epilogue. If nothing else, I tip my hat to Francesco Marciuliano for being able to keep shocking me with his ineptitude every day. What happens tomorrow, does Abbey get elected mayor retroactively? Will Sam be appointed director of the FBI for his stellar investigative work? Will Lil Dunk EGOT all over the entertainment world with his freshly-functional vocal cords? Will Sophie conquer the professional wrestling world with her signature face-pounding move?
Shadow COTW Contenders, Part 1
Shrug
March 11th, 2023 at 4:32 am Reply
Mary Worth: “Yes, I love helping animals, but mostly, you know, helping little old lady animals across the street, or helping bright young animals with their homework. I still have all of my Animal Scout badges. It’s just all this medical stuff that’s icky!”
McManx
March 11th, 2023 at 4:34 am Reply
Mary Worth: Don’t change, Steven! You may be an entitled little snot who’s been under my feet for years, but I need someone for Facebook reviewers to blame for my shotty pet care and accidental euthanizations.
Hibbleton
March 11th, 2023 at 5:15 am Reply
Mary Worth: “It’s like the nightmare of four years of veterinary school never ended.”
Peanut Gallery
March 11th, 2023 at 5:51 am Reply
Mary Worth: “Don’t change, Steven! I see that it’s a full moon out there tonight, but don’t change!”
“I can’t help it, Uncle Ed! Look, the hair is already sprouting on the backs of my hands. And I feel the urge to… OWOOOO!”
Werewolf Veterinarian. Thursday nights on the CW.
Liam
March 11th, 2023 at 5:56 am Reply
Rex Morgan: “If we are going to bed early then let me take one of my pills now. You know what they say early to bed early to rise.”
pastordan
March 11th, 2023 at 6:28 am Reply
Rex Morgan: If only this strip had a medical-type character who knew the diagnostic code for a comic strip with its head up its ass. Say, oh, I don’t know, a doctor or a nurse? Perhaps a precocious ten year old? I’m just spitballing here.
Pat443
March 11th, 2023 at 7:54 am Reply
Rex Morgan: I get that the Ritz Brothers aren’t everyone’s cup of java, but lay off of Wheeler and Woolsey! It’s taken decades to get their movies out of the vaults and back on TCM, so don’t go pulling any of that “Okay, boomer” jive and making them disappear again! You’re “Rex Morgan, MD;” don’t start acting too hip for the room.
Sally…Sally Fif
March 11th, 2023 at 9:29 am Reply
Sally Forth: So Sally’s mother is able to help herself to a winter’s worth of Pop Tarts but can’t make a drink for herself?
Admit it: you thought Hägar’s mother-in-law was pure evil! This is some new-level vexing.
Shrug
March 11th, 2023 at 9:40 am Reply
Judge Parker: After a weekend of *suspense,* we find out on Monday that the “BLAM BLAM BLAM” sounds was just Yelich slamming his car doors real hard before safely driving away.
Guillermo el chiclero
March 11th, 2023 at 11:21 am Reply
Pluggers: This can fit both the pluggers are poor and the pluggers are cheap trope, also the pluggers don’t care about your la-dee-da elitist fashion fads because we’re salt of the earth people trope.
Liam
March 12th, 2023 at 4:32 am Reply
Family Circus: Moments later the blast wave from that nuclear explosion comes.
Hibbleton
March 12th, 2023 at 4:35 am Reply
Mary Worth: Rationalize it all you want. Mercy killing Wilbur isn’t a legal defense in any US court.
jroggs
March 12th, 2023 at 5:27 am Reply
Blondie: This strip’s team is really huffing their own farts by daring to call their 6583rd Dagwood-makes-a-big-sandwich gag “imaginative,” but I’ll forgive them if they re-enact last year’s Oscar fiasco by having Dagwood bitch-slap Crankshaft after a bad pun about Blondie.
jroggs
March 12th, 2023 at 5:27 am Reply
Dick Tracy: So, uh… how much longer until Dick Tracy shows up and starts shooting ugly people? I’m very ready to wrap this aimless snorefest up already.
pugfuggly
March 12th, 2023 at 5:33 am Reply
Snuffy Smith: I always wondered why Barney even bothered coming up to Hootin Holler, and now I know: to fuck Hillbilly women between relationships. I don’t feel better knowing this.
Shrug
March 12th, 2023 at 6:18 am Reply
Judge Parker: “And we’re going to KEEP ON going BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! until we get it right! Places, everyone!”
2+2=7
March 12th, 2023 at 6:21 am Reply
Rex Morgan: Oh thank God he’s going to have Hank Sr’s meals scheduled because as we all know, if you’re not a diner owner, you are utterly incapable of cooking*!
*Or even calling in orders himself. Which makes sense because as a working artist, his old hands probably couldn’t manipulate a phone very well.
Schroduck
March 12th, 2023 at 7:33 am Reply
Blondie: And the Award for “Best Confusion of the Oscars and the Emmys” goes to…
pastordan
March 12th, 2023 at 8:33 am Reply
Mary Worth: “Strive not to be a success, but to be as useless as the Sunday extra panels in Rex Morgan, M.D.” — Albert Einstein
made of wince
March 12th, 2023 at 9:08 am Reply
Blondie: Dagwood will always remember the time his friends kidnapped him, threw him in the trunk of their car, locked him in a basement, and held him hostage until Blondie paid the ransom. He likes to think of it as a drama series. You’d think he’d be nominated for best actor, but critics were kind of put off by all the weeping and binge eating.
Scratchy Scrotum LXIX
March 13th, 2023 at 5:04 am Reply
G. %*#$%@! Thorp: Now we know why Coach Kaz was invited to leave the team and seek further opportunities. He didn’t know enough to yell “Don’t Blow This Lead!” as the MILFs squandered a 50-point lead and lost in the playdowns last year.
Charterstoned
March 13th, 2023 at 5:08 am Reply
Mary Worth: “Salad Town” sounds like a bad Western-themed eatery. I’m imagining a menu with choices like Shoot-Out at the Salad Bar Ranch, Saddle-Up Caesar, Wishbone’s Chuck Wagon, and a lentil-based offering called Miss Kitty’s Mole.
pugfuggly
March 13th, 2023 at 5:17 am Reply
Mary Worth: Ah, Salad Town: the only place that serves giant salads under the kind of lights usually reserved for police interrogations. For people who really want to *see* their radishes.
Philip
March 13th, 2023 at 5:33 am Reply
Dennis the Menace: Like the yeast-free wafers that make up the communion bread, Dennis won’t get a rise out of the churchgoers with this Family Circus level questioning.
Ettorre
March 13th, 2023 at 5:36 am Reply
Mary Worth: “Estelle, you must not give up on your hot vet boyfriend! At least for a week! I have a bet going on with Iris and I assumed you’d last a little bit more this time!”
Shadow COTW Contenders, Part 2
Schroduck
March 13th, 2023 at 6:21 am Reply
Mary Worth: Salad Town’s “pick your own” window box lettuce scheme was a great success until customers noticed what the local cats were doing in the boxes.
astroboy
March 13th, 2023 at 6:57 am Reply
Mary Worth: Royale, Royale, it’s a helluva town
The Bum Boat’s up, ANIMAL HOSPITAL’s down
Aldo rests in a hole in the ground
Royale, Royale! It’s a helluva town.
TheDiva
March 13th, 2023 at 7:19 am Reply
Dustin: Dustdad can’t even wait until getting off work before shaming his son. Is there a twelve-step program for generational hostility?
RogerBW
March 13th, 2023 at 7:20 am Reply
Dennis the Menace: “Someone was listening! Someone was actually listening to my sermon! Maybe being a priest is for me after all!”
ectojazzmage
March 13th, 2023 at 7:24 am Reply
Mary Worth: Love Mary trying to make small talk, blatantly pretending like she’s not vibrating in her seat at the thought of continuing to try and gaslight Estelle into getting back with Wilbur.
made of wince
March 13th, 2023 at 11:50 am Reply
Slylock Fox: Yes to getting free food through my window. A resounding no to it being chicken corn chowder.
Garrison Skunk
March 13th, 2023 at 3:10 pm Reply
Slylick Fox and Comix For Kinx: Of course this became a species hate crime when Sly found the note attached to the can that said HEY RACHIEL, WHAT PAIRS WELL WITH HASENPFEFFER? CREAM CHICKEN CORN CHOWDER ! Shall I serve?
jroggs
March 14th, 2023 at 4:54 am Reply
Beetle Bailey: Apparently these food delivery app services operate like roving stadium snack and beverage vendors. “Panera Bread heeaah, getcha painfully upcharged Panera Bread soup-and-sandwich meal heeaah.”
Tabby Lavalamp
March 14th, 2023 at 4:55 am Reply
Blondie: There’s something about Dagwood talking about pickleball and not ending up with the chef having to fend him off from devouring every jar of pickles that just seems off.
Occam
March 14th, 2023 at 5:12 am Reply
Hägar the Horrible: Hägar’s smiling because Lucky Eddie will need to die pretty valiantly in battle to make up for the whole mermaid thing in the eyes of the Valkyries, and Hagar doesn’t want him to miss his chance.
pugfuggly
March 14th, 2023 at 5:17 am Reply
Beetle Bailey: That dude in black has the face of someone who has delivered to Sarge before. “Look man, I’m just going to set the box down and back away slowly. please don’t start until I’ve reached the door, I don’t want to see *that* again.”
Myrtle
March 14th, 2023 at 5:37 am Reply
Mary Worth: Exactly how many dates have they really had, not cancelled? Enough for Estelle to be “in love?” Is Luann guest-writing this story?
astroboy
March 14th, 2023 at 6:06 am Reply
Mary Worth: Estelle and Dr. Ed had TWO dates. A YEAR apart! The extent of their intimacy was one kiss! And…she’s “in love” with him?
Maybe Estelle deserves Wilbur after all.
Voshkod
March 14th, 2023 at 7:06 am Reply
Blondie: Do not, under any circumstances, search Urban Dictionary for pulled pickle pork sandwich. I can’t believe they got that one past the censors.
2+2=7
March 14th, 2023 at 7:37 am Reply
Judge Parker: “Good thing Sam opened the door in an active shooter situation so I can be good and traumatized by seeing yet *another* family member with their brains splatter all over the ground. Thanks, Sam!”
Ukranazi Stepan
March 14th, 2023 at 7:58 am Reply
Inner Beautystan: “Stop fantasising about my hairy legs and put this on. You’re going to be what’s her name from ‘The Crucible.’ You know, the one who accuses everyone else and gets them murdered as witches. I think that’s the right role for you.”
Old Man Shadow
March 14th, 2023 at 8:05 am Reply
Beetle Bailey: Time to sell all of our stock in those companies. They’re definitely on the way out if Beetle Bailey is aware of their existence.
Horace Broon
March 14th, 2023 at 11:17 am Reply
Phantom: “But … I am the Phantom and I can’t get that to work!”
Merry Mirth
March 15th, 2023 at 4:53 am Reply
Mary Worth: Alone in the ladies room later, Mary rubs her hands together with glee. “Ha ha HA! My plan is working to perfection! All I need now is for Wilbur to not screw it up. . . . [heavy sigh] But he IS going to screw it up, isn’t he? Yes. Yes, he is. Crap. Oh well, might as well see if I can get Jared back together with Dawn.”
Dan
March 15th, 2023 at 5:01 am Reply
Rex Morgan: Smash cut to Hank Jr. and Yvonne smuggling cocaine on motorcycles through the American Southwest, just absolutely out of their minds on acid.
2+2=7
March 15th, 2023 at 5:24 am Reply
Rex Morgan: Sarah: “I wasn’t trying to steal you phone! It’s…er…right here. I…um…had it in my possession because…uh…I, like any tween, wanted to look at boring photos of South Carolina’s most wood-paneled diner with nonagenarians. Yeah…that’s it…”
2+2=7
March 15th, 2023 at 5:47 am Reply
Mary Worth: “Our chemistry’s amazing, something I’ve never felt before”
It’s called an orgasm, ‘Stell.
MKay
March 15th, 2023 at 5:53 am Reply
Rex Morgan: So, do we call Jr “Hardly Horrible Hank?”
Voshkod
March 15th, 2023 at 7:03 am Reply
Snuffy Smith: In Höötin’ Holler, they play golf the way it was meant to be played, the way their ancestor Scots played it, on a course barely indistinguishable from the natural landscape, drunk, and with open hostility to lowlanders.
Scratchy Scrotum LXIX
March 15th, 2023 at 8:13 am Reply
Mary Worth: While the ladies commiserate at SALAD TOWN, Dr. Ed and Wilbur are bonding at SAUSAGE FEST.
Shadow COTW Contenders, Part 3
Dr. Larry Erhardt
March 15th, 2023 at 9:47 am Reply
Snuffy Smith: After all these years of searching, Barney Google has discovered that love is the one inquiry that produces zero results. Where is the algorithm for his heart?
Peanut Gallery
March 15th, 2023 at 10:26 am Reply
Mary Worth: “Our chemistry’s AMAZING! One weekend we synthesized a whole rainbow of aniline dyes together.”
Garrison Skunk
March 15th, 2023 at 1:34 pm Reply
The Familliar Mucus: “Mommy, I brung you a whole line of new ants for the ant farm. Please tell Dolly to not eat them this time.”
Nornagest
March 15th, 2023 at 2:02 pm Reply
Family Circus: Are we 100% sure what Jeffy wiped with that napkin?
iam
March 16th, 2023 at 4:40 am Reply
Mary Worth: Mary then volunteers herself to work at the vet’s office. “Oh it’s only animals. How hard can they be to deal with.”
jroggs
March 16th, 2023 at 4:53 am Reply
Pluggers: So this is what a plugger’s hook-up dating site profile looks like? At least it’s direct.
Hibbleton
March 16th, 2023 at 5:48 am Reply
Mary Worth: A Jelly and marshmallow parfait is just the thing to top off a two-gallon bowl of salad greens.
pastordan
March 16th, 2023 at 6:02 am Reply
Pluggers: A plugger is as old as her tongue and a bit older than her teeth, and…tripping balls on that edible her son got her for Christmas?
Charterstoned
March 16th, 2023 at 6:15 am Reply
Judge Parker: Randy Parker has turned into…Legal Chameleon, Cavelton’s newest superhero! No capes, no masks needed. His disguise is his background, with his ethics, opinions, and complexion all changing to match his surroundings!
Little Blue Bicycle
March 16th, 2023 at 6:47 am Reply
Mary Worth: I see that salad dressing continues to be banned in Santa Royale.
Peanut Gallery
March 16th, 2023 at 7:21 am Reply
Snuffy Smith: They’re serving green eggs and ham? I would not eat them with a kugel. I do not like them, Barney Google!
Ettorre
March 16th, 2023 at 7:51 am Reply
Pluggers: We usually get “Pluggers are old and hate young people”, “Pluggers are rustic and hate urban (and urban) people” or “Plugger are not sophisticated and hate sophisticated people”. I did not expect “Pluggers are cyborgs and probably hate pure ‘fleshies’”
Voshkod
March 16th, 2023 at 8:18 am Reply
Judge Parker is pissed. He told the Court Clerk that he wanted a crazy straw, and all he came back with was a long bendy straw. His mood will lead to harsh sentencing and a round of appeals that ultimately peter out in the Supreme Court, which rules 6-3 that ‘whether considered de jure or de facto, a long straw is not per se crazy.’
Shrug
March 16th, 2023 at 9:25 am Reply
Rex Morgan: “I’ll be the envy of every old codger roadside attraction photo collector in town. Sure, some of them have photos of a relative posing with the giant moose or the giant alligator, but I’m the only one with a photo of his son posing with the elusive giant “TERRY BEATTY 3-16-23” billboard.
astroboy
March 16th, 2023 at 9:48 am Reply
Rail-splitting, keel-boating, brown salads…y’all keep sending me to the Urban Dictionary and wow, am I getting an education!
Artist formerly known as Ben
March 16th, 2023 at 3:55 pm Reply
Judge Parker: The illustrated bad cop’s defense lawyer looks like he’s ready to be done with this case, and all the wedgies he’s been getting from his client.
Horace Broon
March 16th, 2023 at 4:11 pm Reply
Crankshaft: My favourite Crankshaft strips (that doesn’t sound right; least unfavourite?) are the ones where I imagine Batty thinking “The Chief Plugger still hasn’t got back to me. Screw it, I’m running this one myself.”
Daily Shadow CsOTW
Saturday
————
Shrug
March 11th, 2023 at 5:22 am Reply
Slylock Fox: “Which scene is slightly different from the other two?” The one in the middle, because it has a scene on either side of it, and the other two do not. D’oh.
Ukulele Ike
March 11th, 2023 at 8:33 am Reply
Andy Capp: Please do not speculate on the reasons a man would remove his false teeth in the bar toilet.
Sunday
———-
Ukranazi Stepan
March 12th, 2023 at 4:58 am Reply
Mary Worth: “You know what? We’re stuck in this imbecilic storyline because we’re bit characters in a strip that’s supposedly about Mary Worth. The best thing we could do is euthanise her! Then we could move on to a better strip.”
“Like what, Rex Morgan MD?”
“… you’re right. Pass the syringe.”
TheDiva
March 12th, 2023 at 7:14 am Reply
Mary Worth: What dark secrets are hiding behind Dr. Ed’s haunted stare? Illicit affairs with patients and/or their owners? Fast-tracking Dalmatian euthanasia to provide Cruella deVil with supplies? Drinking buddies with Wilbur?
Monday
———–
Old School Allie Cat
March 13th, 2023 at 6:44 am Reply
Mary Worth: SALAD TOWN!!!! Where a dame can go to rest her stems and get a luncheon fit for a queen. SALAD TOWN!!!! Where fancy dressing is encouraged – both on our meals and our clientele. SALAD TOWN!!!! Don’t be a slob; order the Cobb.
Little Blue Bicycle
March 13th, 2023 at 7:25 am Reply
Mary Worth: Salad Town…guaranteed Wilbur free.
Tuesday
———–
lynn
March 14th, 2023 at 4:49 am Reply
Six Chix: Another Tuesday cry for help. How long before this turns into an active shooter situation?
Inspector Gotcha
March 14th, 2023 at 6:20 am Reply
Judge Parker: HEY, I was just getting interested in the “birds in the nest” story! Gotta be better than this.
Wednesday
—————
astroboy
March 15th, 2023 at 5:43 am Reply
Family Circus: The heck with the cookie, that Birthday Salami looks tasty.
Weaselboy
March 15th, 2023 at 6:12 am Reply
Gil Thorp: I’ve just got this weird feeling that the narration box is somehow insulting me.
Thursday
————
Lark L
March 16th, 2023 at 7:08 am Reply
Pluggers don’t need your hoity-toity French philosophers to know continuity of self is an illusion! The rapid decay of their body teaches it much more efficiently, and they didn’t even have to read Althusser.
Poteet
March 16th, 2023 at 3:26 pm Reply
Pluggers: Okay, I give up. What animal is this? A bear? A dog? Some hybrid created by Count Weirdly? The terrifying result of someone finally casting an effective curse on Mary Worth?
Shadow COTW
——————
els
March 15th, 2023 at 5:19 am Reply
Family Circus: That’s the stupidest balloon I’ve ever seen. Like I’m actually mad about it. And what is that, a basket of jellybeans? A muffin with a handle? Jesus. This blog has done things to me. What is my life? Stupid balloon. Stupid Jeffy.
Congratulations to all and thanks to Baja. This is a Short Balls Week. I’ve been traveling and successfully keeping my willies away from TSA. I guess when they see my name, they feel entitled to pat them.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Inspector Gotcha
March 11th, 2023 at 5:26 am Reply
JP: “Okay, that didn’t work. Anybody got a plan B?”
Shrug
March 11th, 2023 at 9:40 am Reply
JP: After a weekend of *suspense,* we find out on Monday that the “BLAM BLAM BLAM” sounds was just Yelich slamming his car doors real hard before safely driving away.
MKay
March 11th, 2023 at 4:57 am Reply
RMMD: They’re going to love Hank Sr’s vintage choice du jour: “Debbie Does Dallas.”
TheDiva
March 11th, 2023 at 7:49 am Reply
RMMD: And the less said about Hank Sr.’s love for Birth of a Nation, the better.
Myrtle
March 11th, 2023 at 7:51 am Reply
RMMD: If it’s cold enough for gloves and carefully-tied scarves, where are their hats? Poor Hank Jr. must be losing 99% of his body heat through his scalp. For Yvonne’s sake, let’s hope he’s wearing flannel
boxerstighty-woolies.jroggs
March 11th, 2023 at 4:58 am Reply
RMMD: It’s very forward-thinking of Terry Beatty not to date his strip by specifying what kind of “player” the Harwood family uses to watch films. This will help smoothe things over for future Rex Morgan-reading generations who only understand entertainment through focused brainwaves and interpreting the signs of sewer mutant entrails.
MW: Anyone else thinking Whiny Steve is going to spend his burnout vacation dating Estelle? It’s pretty much the only way to tie this crap together: Estelle dates Whiny Steve behind Dr. Mr. Ed’s back, Wilbur catches them during his daily stalking and threatens to report them to veterinary management, Estelle fusses over it for weeks, Mary solves the problem by forcing Estelle to appease Wilbur in some fashion. Most importantly, Estelle and Dr. Mr. Ed are just too close in age to be dating in Mary Worth.
Arabella
March 11th, 2023 at 9:06 am Reply
@jroggs: re MW: No, whiny Steve is perfect for whiny Dawn! But first they have to meet cute. Maybe Steven sitting on a bench along the walking path, sobbing uncontrollably. Dawn walks by and notices a pond fish has jumped out of the water!
She yells for help and Steven leaps into action and saves the fish! When he tells her that’s part of his life’s work as a Doctor of Veterinary Medicine, she realizes he’s of a higher status than even a physician’s assistant! Get ready for “Stawn”!!
Ukulele Ike
March 11th, 2023 at 8:33 am Reply
MW: Veterinarian PTSD! Steve’s spent the afternoon euthanizing elderly pet turtles, and now he’s suffering from shell shock.
Noel
March 11th, 2023 at 8:41 am Reply
MW: All this heavy shading and window-gazing sure indicates a heavier subject matter than “I actually have to do work at my job?”
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Weaselboy
March 11th, 2023 at 5:33 am Reply
GT – I had to read panel two a couple of times to figure out that the coach lady was talking to the team rather than to Gil. I never thought that the lack of an Oxford comma would be the thing I’d be complaining about in Gil Thorp, so kudos to Barajas for mixing it up, I guess.
Pozzo
March 12th, 2023 at 5:24 am Reply
Blondie: Okay, what is Dwibble (or whatever his name is) doing in the penultimate panel? The other two are dragging Dagwood by his feet/ankles, but I think he’s either having a heart attack or crapping in his pants.
Ettorre
March 12th, 2023 at 6:01 am Reply
If Dagwood feels that his life is boring compared to movie stars, he can simply make a joke about Irma and see if Herb is going to slap him
Horace Broon
March 12th, 2023 at 9:09 am Reply
Blondie: Technically, “this company used to be a success, and now look at it” is still turning it around.
Tits Taylor
March 12th, 2023 at 2:14 pm Reply
And the award for Best Funbags goes to . . . Blondie Boop-a-Doop.
TheDiva
March 12th, 2023 at 7:14 am Reply
Dustin: Dustin and Inexplicably Omnipresent Neighbor Kid have given up playing “Horse” and are now playing “Parastratiosphecomyia stratiosphecomyioides.”
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Liam
March 12th, 2023 at 4:32 am Reply
JP-Join us tomorrow as we don’t find out who blammed.
Shrug
March 12th, 2023 at 6:18 am Reply
JUDGE PARKER: “And we’re going to KEEP ON going BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! until we get it right! Places, everyone!”
Midtown
March 12th, 2023 at 12:56 pm Reply
JP: Tomorrow – drone shot overhead showing green trees and peaceful scene. Narration box: Springtime comes to Cavelton!
Anonymous
March 12th, 2023 at 8:39 am Reply
Mary Worth: We know where this is going. The whole Neff Nephewson interlude was to show how dramatically overworked the good Dr. Ed is and how he has no time to date Estelle (or is it ‘Stell’ now?).
So she will naturally go back to Wilbur because no woman in Mary Worth can not be in a hetero-normative relationship, no matter how problematic or icky it is. Wilbur is a “nice guy” and therefore Estelle is his reward for existing.
Hibbleton
March 12th, 2023 at 4:35 am Reply
MW: Rationalize it all you want. Mercy killing Wilbur isn’t a legal defense in any US court.
MKay
March 12th, 2023 at 5:20 am Reply
MW: Quick! Someone get a completely problem-free job for this guy! He just can’t WORK like this!
RMMD: I’d like to mock, but I would totally take a picture with the Hillbilly Moose.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Baja Gaijin
March 12th, 2023 at 7:16 am Reply
Family Circus: With no other suburban tract houses in sight, I can only presume Thel drove out to the country to “let the melonheads run free.” They haven’t yet twigged that they’ve been abandoned to die, alone, unloved, to the sound of Dolly’s execrable malaprops.
Garrison Skunk
March 12th, 2023 at 5:28 pm Reply
The Familliar Mucus: “Alright! Who set off the atom bomb?” “Ida Know!”
Melody Mare, incensed
March 12th, 2023 at 11:35 am Reply
BGSS: This is an outrage! For years they’ve protected that old pervert (“wanna take a peek under my blanket?”) Sparkplug, and now they’re actually promoting his lasciviousness! With the two-legger cast now, too.. not just the livestock!
I sized him up pretty quickly when I was a young Filly just getting into the business – he was already notorious for his “casting stall” at the Comics Stables. Yeah, I got “flashed” like every other newby, but I may be the only one who kicked him in the ‘nads. I guess it could have gotten me fired, but some of the higher-ups liked my “spunk.” I like to think I may have had a role in getting him banished for all those years…
Anyway, there wasn’t much to see under there – I’ve seen more swag on a Shetland Pony.
Old School Allie Cat
March 13th, 2023 at 6:44 am Reply
Mary Worth – SALAD TOWN!!!! Where a dame can go to rest her stems and get a luncheon fit for a queen. SALAD TOWN!!!! Where fancy dressing is encouraged – both on our meals and our clientele. SALAD TOWN!!!! Don’t be a slob; order the Cobb.
pugfuggly
March 13th, 2023 at 5:17 am Reply
MW: Ah, Salad Town: the only place that serves giant salads under the kind of lights usually reserved for police interrogations. For people who really want to see their radishes.
Guillermo el chiclero
March 13th, 2023 at 6:51 pm Reply
MW: Looks like Ralphie’s old man is walking past the window with his “major award”.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MKay
March 13th, 2023 at 5:03 am Reply
DtM: That’s stark relief on those faces. “Made it through another Sunday without Dennis slaughtering a goat on the altar. Thank you, Lord!”
Ettorre
March 13th, 2023 at 5:27 am Reply
DtM: After talking with the priest, Dennis will try serving a communion wafer with some peanut butter to kids with nuts allergies, since transubstantiation changes the substance of the host while keeping the sensory perception. Now that’s menacing!
brendancalling
March 13th, 2023 at 4:50 am Reply
DtM: That priest sure has a coy, “come hither, fair youth” glint in his eye. Look out Dennis—you’re about to be renamed “Dennis the Statistic!”
pugfuggly
March 13th, 2023 at 5:17 am Reply
H&L: See, the joke here is that Thirsty isn’t late because he’s an alcoholic, it’s because he’s a firm opponent of DST — the alcoholism is besides the point.
Hibbleton
March 13th, 2023 at 5:45 am Reply
FC: “Billy in the bedroom with a hockey stick.” Part of Bil Keane’s attempt to market a Family Circus themed version of the boardgame Clue. Other strips in the series include; Dolly in the kitchen with a hand mixer, and Jeffy on the cellar steps with a roller skate.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Enormous Piss
March 13th, 2023 at 6:32 pm Reply
Yes, my boy Marvin is trying some potty training. Don’t worry. They’ll never finish the training or that would be the end of the strip.
jroggs
March 14th, 2023 at 4:54 am Reply
Blondie: “I also put my pickle balls-deep in that blonde who runs the catering business down the street! Turns out she’s married to some lazy gluttonous loser with severe blood pressure-related ED! Ha! Anyway, want some brisket to go with your limp sausage?”
Drew Funk
March 14th, 2023 at 5:59 am Reply
You can really tell Dagwood and Lou are up on current trends by how they are reading a newspaper.
Myrtle
March 14th, 2023 at 5:37 am Reply
MW: Exactly how many dates have they really had, not cancelled? Enough for Estelle to be “in love?” Is Luann guest-writing this story?
astroboy
March 14th, 2023 at 6:06 am Reply
MW – Estelle and Dr. Ed had TWO dates. A YEAR apart! The extent of their intimacy was one kiss! And…she’s “in love” with him?
Maybe Estelle deserves Wilbur after all.
Charterstoned
March 14th, 2023 at 5:00 am Reply
MW: It’s hard to know what kind of disgusting black stain has ruined that booth upholstery in the first panel. But from what we know of Mary’s soul-sucking, emotional-bloodletting, pain-thirsting visitations on unsuspecting neighbors, we can be pretty sure that she’s not casting a shadow.
MW: A lot of you Mudges are suggesting that Estelle DESERVES Wilbur. Well, I disagree. Estelle should have to EARN Wilbur. In fact, at this point she should have to GROVEL in order to win him back. She should EMBRACE his ENDEARING QUIRKS and show him in all the ways she can that HE IS HER MAN! True love doesn’t happen after two lousy dates and a little piano music. No, it develops slowly, only after a grueling courtship that includes heavy drinking, lots of karaoke, and repeated instances of loathsome inconsideration, exposing all the good and bad, all the highs and lows of love that will last a LIFETIME. It’s Wilbur who deserves Estelle. He’s been faithful. Ish. And now it’s up to Estelle to prove that she’s WORTHY of him.
At least, I think that’s what Mary is about to advise.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
pugfuggly
March 15th, 2023 at 5:11 am Reply
FC: I feel like this could have been a Marvin, but with much grosser art…
2+2=7
March 15th, 2023 at 5:32 am Reply
FAMILY CIRCUS: Jeffy: “Mommy, it used to be a cookie! At least when it went in the mouth end anyway.”
Thel (sighing while palming her face): “Jeffy for the last time, just deposit the tissue in the toilet. You don’t need to show me every time.”
pastordan
March 15th, 2023 at 6:23 am Reply
The Family Circus: “I also brought you home this birthday sausage! What, Mommy? Why do you have that look in your eye?”
Old School Allie Cat
March 15th, 2023 at 6:37 am Reply
FC – This has to be a recycled strip. I vaguely remember it from one of their little books of collected strips we had as kids. Even if that weren’t true, those little tiny candy basket things are a total throwback to the 60s/70s. Actually, they’d probably be popular today amongst the Pinteresty set, but let’s face it, Jeffy isn’t getting invited to the A-Lister parties.
Inspector Gotcha
March 15th, 2023 at 4:47 am Reply
GT: “This is why you keep cash and change on you.” Of all the things a normal person might say in that situation, I’m pretty sure that’s not one of them.
Weaselboy
March 15th, 2023 at 6:12 am Reply
GT – I’ve just got this weird feeling that the narration box is somehow insulting me.
Little Blue Bicycle
March 15th, 2023 at 6:16 am Reply
Pl/GT: “You know you’re a Plugger when you still carry a lot of bills and change.” Thanks to Gilbert Thorp, Milford, AZ/OH/CT.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MKay
March 15th, 2023 at 5:53 am Reply
MW: Estelle sounds just about desperate enough to start peering through Dr Ed’s windows.
Fred Astaire’s Face
March 16th, 2023 at 7:37 am Reply
FC: Is that Dead Grandpa?
Prick Henderson
March 16th, 2023 at 10:00 am Reply
@Fred Astaire’s Face: “FC: Is that Dead Grandpa?”
No, it’s Billy.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hibbleton
March 16th, 2023 at 5:30 am Reply
RMMD: Not how I remember the flatiron building.
Blondie: Getting mixed signals as to what they’re actually binge watching here. We all know Dagwood is only turned on by food but hard to believe that would motivate Alexander to play pocket pool. Are they using a VPN to stream topless cooking shows from Bangkok?
MW: A Jelly and marshmallow parfait is just the thing to top off a two-gallon bowl of salad greens.
Special Scrotal Awards to the Best No. 69 and Beyond of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
69. Tabby Lavalamp
March 11th, 2023 at 9:44 am Reply
I’ll give Dr. Nephew this, nobody is prepared for a job dealing with the public and how soul crushing those are.
69. Pat O’Neill
March 13th, 2023 at 6:42 am Reply
DtM: If the MItchells are really Episcopalian, the pastor’s wearing the wrong vestments. It’s Lent–they should be purple.
169. made of wince
March 13th, 2023 at 11:50 am Reply
Sly: Yes to getting free food through my window. A resounding no to it being chicken corn chowder.
Hooray! for Dunkelcopter, and congrats to the float riders and shadowy types in this week’s parade. Fun stuff! Thanks for the mentions, Josh, Baja, and Scratchy!
Thanks, Scratchy and Baja.
Thank you, Scratchy and Baja!
Congrats to all, and thank you very much, Baja and Scratchy! A Hillbilly Moose bobblehead is being droned to your doorsteps as we speak.
Thanks, Baja and Scratchy (Baja: thanks for the multiple shoutouts; my usual bribe will be in the mail to you today*)
O.K., parade watchers, throw salads! (or is “toss salads”?) Green salads and green beer for everyone!
*since my usual bribe is zero, I can safely assert this
Thanks Baja!
If anyone is interested in the “transitive contact with Abe Lincoln” plot in Gasoline Alley, have I got something for you: a chair that Lincoln once sat in, maintained at Knox College in Galesburg, IL as a relic of the Lincoln-Douglas debates. The chair is available in Old Main for any visitor to sit in, any visitor who wants to sit in a chair that has been sat in by lots of people who are into transitive contact with Abe Lincoln.
Congrats to Dunkelcopter and the floaters and thanks, Baja and Scratchy!
Thanks for the mention, Josh, and a Happy St. Patrick’s Day to all the Mudges who celebrate.
Raise a salad in toast to the excellently funny folks of CC. Happy St. Patrick’s Day, or March Madness – however you celebrate.
Another fine week in snark – and thanks for the shadow shouts and scrote screams!
Re: Charterstoned
I don’t know what you’d have to do to EARN Wilbur, but I suspect Hermann Göring is in the running.
@Uncle Lumpy: You know, SOME people in Charterstone think of Wilbur as even a BONUS.
Thanks, Baja and Scratchy, and congratulations to all.
Congrats to Dunkelcopter, everyone on the float, and my fellow shadowfloaters and scratchies! Broon Croons to Schroduck, Voshkod, and jroggs!
Congratulations to COTW Winner Dunkelcopter! Caperings, shamrock-leaf sprinklings, and…
WAAAAIT a minute! How did I miss this?? I don’t know about the right half of that linked SLYLOCK panel in Dunkelcopter’s comment, but I am 100% certain that I’ve seen part or all of that LEFT half of the panel before! Yes indeed! I know that because I remember the uncertain look on the face of the slightly-bewildered elephant, and the highly-determined expression on the face of the intent extended-tongue duck below! And in some previous COTW list, my comment about those two, the elephant and the duck, was included! I remember being proud of that comment! So now I am wondering if Slylock was seated backwards on a chair whenever that left half of a panel first appeared, and what lesson back THEN was being taught to the…um…uh…
I guess it’s okay if I wonder for one very brief moment if I’ve been spending a little too much of my life on CC, as long as Josh never wonders the same thing.
Thanks Josh, and thanks Scratchy and Baja, and Voshkudos to Dunkelcopter, The Ghost of Jarrod, Old Man Shadow, and Lark L.
Thank you, Baja and Scratchy, and apologies again to Baja for that Pearl Slaghoople incident.
It’s an honor just to be on the float.
Mighty kudos to Dunkelcopter and the others on the float, shadows, scratchies, etc. Tips of the beret to ectojazzmage, Tabby Lavalamp, and Vice President John Adams.
Thanks, Baja and Scratchy!
Sunday’s Mary Worth quote: “You don’t win friends with salad.”- Bart & Homer J. Simpson.
Thank you, Baja! Double ride very much appreciated! May the road rise to meet you, back wind, soft rain, warm sun, green grass, blue skies, pure joys, true hearts, etc.!
Whaddya MEAN it doesn’t drive out snakes???
Thank Josh, and everyone! :D Congrats to everybody else who was picked as well!