How many dead Houndstooths (Houndsteeth?) are there exactly
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Mary Worth, 5/23/23
We don’t know a ton about Saul’s past, but we do know that he was forced by his family to abandon his true love and enter into some kind of arranged marriage, presumably in order to consolidate their feudal landholdings and take advantage of agricultural efficiencies of scale. It was a loveless relationship and Saul bought a bigger tombstone for his dog than his wife, so I’m not sure how blessed any children would’ve felt being raised in that environment.
Pluggers, 5/23/23
I had a professor in college who once told me that “Ptolemaic Egypt was a theme park, and the theme was death,” a sentence I think about all the time. Anyway, pluggers are, like many of the Egyptian deities, half-man/half-beast creatures, although they lack pretty much any degree of those Gods’ dignity; still, it may be appropriate that they live their lives defined by an ever-growing army of the deceased.
Dennis the Menace, 5/23/23
I respect Mr. Wilson’s quest for perfect, unbroken silence, but I have serious questions about what exactly are in those things under the “Audiobooks” sign. Are they … CDs? Cassette tapes? Nobody actually listens to audiobooks off of physical media anymore, do they? Perhaps the Wilsons are shopping at The Big Warehouse For Old People Who Haven’t Figured Out What “Streaming” Is And Don’t Plan To In The Future, fighting against menacing changes in the media landscape the only way they know how (by keeping their VCRs working through dutiful maintenance).
188 replies to “How many dead Houndstooths (Houndsteeth?) are there exactly”
MW: Today’s theme seems to be “teeth and tongues.” I’m not as concerned about that leaping dog as I am about the giant land clam. That sinister grin revealing all those jagged teeth is a sure sign that Greta and/or Saul are about to be snatched off that path, leash and all.
DtM: Looks like George has chosen a biography of Lizzo as his reading matter du jour.
Dennis Minus Dennis, eh? It seems a little forced. Even Mister Wilson’s pants are unhappy to be taking part.
DTM: Mr. Wilson’s pants don’t approve, either, and they’ve seen things…
Wrecks Moregone:
At what point will Mrs Hankjunior realise that Hankjunior is gone, and the man posing as him is really…
…Rene Belluso?
By his ability to perform in bed, and I don’t mean singing?
Mary Worth And when Saul had an actual child he was related to stay with him, he treated her like shit in favour of the dog. Why we keep going back to these asshole characters instead of meeting new ones, I have no idea.
MW – Boy, ain’t that the life! And don’t forget the exciting part – scraping the dog shit off your shoes….
Pluggers – So…this would be a Czech cemetery….
DtM – I’m with you George – print all the way – and Farsi, print books, to boot….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
Wary Morth:
Panel Two Greta is so happy to be taken fur a walk she’s literally walking on air.
Would Saul have taken his human children to a park on a leash as well?
And thought “I wasn’t blessed with dogs, but I was blessed with my darking son/daughter!”
Probably.
Pluggers: Using cemetery exploration as a form of recreation? Great, now I have to redraw my plugger/ goth Venn diagram.
DtM: Not much to say about today’s blatantly recycled art, other than I like the glum expression on George’s pants.
JP: I wish this strip had adults that occasionally acted like adults.
Baldo : while playing “Space Patrol”, Gracie refuses to break kayfabe/character and refers to going to the bathroom as “quickly returning to our secret moonbase”.
**********
Crankshaft : I’d question why someone like Crankshaft, who was illiterate ’til age 89 or so, would be incapable of pooping without reading the newspaper (mainly, I’d ask “how did he poop before”?), but then I think about how before the storyline where he learned how to read, Crankshaft was drawn as a gaunt, skeletally thin figure, and now he’s the cartoonishly bloated balloon, and I wonder instead, could it be that Crankshaft, once he learned how to read, BECAME incapable of pooping without reading?
***********
Gasoline Alley : RUFUS IS (thankfully) DEAD
***********
Luann : Ah, the status quo : Bernice is solely responsible for things not working out between her and Piro, but blames HIM entirely because he’s the one who walked away.
…I guess one thing changed : it used to be “Piro confesses his love and leaves, Bernice doesn’t follow him or try to find out where he went, then accuses HIM of ghosting her”, now it’s “Piro, having publicly recited a speech about how Bernice was his rock as he tried to escape his harlot of a mother, discovers she already has multiple men in her life and storms off, disillusioned”…
***********
Pluggers : visit their own graves? And that grave Earl Houndstooth is looking at seems to have a DEATH date on it?
….
PLUGGERS ARE UNDEAD MONSTERS SAVE YOURSELVES
If you’re a Plugger beast-man, your wife and your dog are the same thing, and neither of them get a big tombstone because you have more important things to spend money on, like the cargo shorts you wear to the cemetery.
DtM: Hey, allow us people of a certain age to enjoy our newspapers and our checking accounts and our newfangled compact discs in peace, willya? We’ll all be dead soon, and then the rest of you can all live in your digital paradise. But until then, have a little pity.
You’re a half human, half scavenger Plugger if you use Find-a-Grave as a way to locate a meal.
MW: What an odd thing that is to say to yourself. It’s like Saul is practicing some lines to use on the the ladies of the park, introducing his darling dog while also slipping in the fact that there won’t be any adult children in the picture to complicate things…
Pluggers: always take their walks in graveyards, as it’s a pretty convenient place to drop dead from light exercise.
DtM: This does seem hopelessly outdated, but I can’t say that it would be a better strip if these two were hunched over a laptop. “A podcast? The reason I’m here, Martha, is for the Futanari…”
Pluggers: Plugger zombies are a lot more mild mannered, it would seem. Oh, he’s not dead yet? Well then, I’m willing to wait if he is. I want Houndstooth zombies. Let’s wake up and get bitey, guys.
Dentist the Meanass: my local library loans out audiobooks both digitally and on little self-contained players. Things are a couple inches square, quarter inch thick, have a couple buttons and a headphone jack. You just grab it off the shelf, check it out, plug in your phones and start listening. Apparently pretty popular among people who don’t want to spend an hour each day installing/updating/configuring and administering the apps and accounts needed to borrow and use digital media.
@5 Ukranazi Stepan: When you put it that way, Yvonne may enjoy having a Beluso-based Hank Jr. rather than having the Hank Sr.-based real thing.
@8 Ukranazi Stepan: Not only would Saul have walked his children to the park on leashes, they’d be wearing bow ties that match his.
@10 Anonymous: on Luann: To be fair to Piro, I’m still surprised that Bernice has a non-zero number of heterosexual men interested in her. Let me correct this statement: “I’m still surprised that Bernice the frigid psychobitch twatwaffle has a non-zero number of heterosexual men interested in her that aren’t looking to get a green card.”
MW: Alriiight, I’ve got Saul in the Dead Pool, and I’ve got a good feeling about this!
RMMD: As the real Yvonne struggles tied up and gagged in some little-used below-decks storage closet, Rene prods Hank for information.
CS: In any normal circumstance, the question would not be advisable, since it involves the concept of TMI. But with Crankshaft, one can never assume anything. She needs to know what that destructive asshole is thinking at every minute.
@Rube: Why we keep going back to these asshole characters instead of meeting new ones, I have no idea.
I ask myself that every time I see Bernice in Luann.
Mr. Wilson just wants to watch his Night Court tape.
MW: That guy with the baseball cap has a great act. With one jerk of his wrist, he commands Whitey the Dog to spit out a tennis ball, from quite a ways off. It’s a stupid trick, but they need the balls.
DtM – I’m going with “CD’s”. That place has a definite “Half Price Books” vibe, and their stock-in-trade is cast off old media for retirees and hipsters to buy. Sometimes they have books too.
Librarian here, and physical audiobooks are very much still a thing you’ll find on the shelf, though they’d gradually fading in favor of Libby, Audible, etc. This is one of many areas where phones have gotten so streamlined they’re actually easier even for the computer illiterate than the “old-fashioned way,” but I guess Mr. Wilson is just that much of a luddite. He’s going to be even more disappointed when he opens that case and finds one of the devil’s silver discs instead of a good old wax cylinder.
At nearby Mount Palomar, astronomers are puzzled and terrified as the morning sun displays a strange curved stripe across its face.
RMMD: We’ve reached the point where this story has not only easily surpassed the maritime moronic mishaps of the Wilbur Dies (Not Really) arc but is in contention with Sally Slattern and Judge Duncan for the dumbest story ever. The only saving grace this story has is that it’s too enervatingly dull for most readers to even try to follow.
CS – Good lord, woman! Why are you engaging this man?
RMMD “Why should we worry? The Captain ordered a security guard to keep us under constant surveillance didn’t he? DIDN’T HE???!!!”
Mary Worth – It would be ironic if Saul’s parent’s didn’t like his true love because she wasn’t Catholic, only to have Saul doomed to hell by the Pope for having pets instead of children.
Pluggers – Pluggers, of course, represent the sort of Boomer culture that inherited the American Empire in its Post-War dominance, and drove it to the ground with short-minded thinking and voting for politicians of various parties that stoked their worst instincts. Their final act will be to secure the last of the graveyards as a permanently resting place, before private equity will turn graves into permanent rental units for Millennials, Gen-Z and future generations.
Dennis the Menace – I’m not going to knock the Wilsons for preferring physical media to streaming. Disney+, WarnerBros Discovery, and other services have been cutting huge swaths of the nation’s culture heritage for short-term economic gains, making so much art unattainable outside of pirate websites. The current tendency for publishers to try and reissue classic books with bowdlerized language also threatens to ability for a person to get the original literature as the author intended it. And no doubt big media companies are looking to AI to deliver the same media customized to the consumer, meaning rather than allowing every person their own interpretation of a text, AI provides the “safe” version that doesn’t not challenge, inspire, or disturb the reader.
Forget Dennis’ minor misbehaviors, true menace has arrived.
@Baja Gaijin: MW – That would so work if, after CPS takes the Overlook Twins away from Edda and Amos, Saul were to foster them!
FC: “Bil, you and Roy can go see the movie by yourselves. Then you can tell the melonheads what’s good and bad. That is, if you’re not making whopee with Roy in the dark.”
MW: It’s like Saul (or Karen Moy) forgot he had a previous dog.
Pluggers: If you ask me, houndstooth should be dead and buried. It’s not a pattern I’m particularly fond of.
DtM: It’s a good thing neither of them exercise, because they might break their Discman while listening to their audiobooks. Then they’d have to crash an AA meeting to tell everyone about the tragic story.
Plug: I remember the Houndstooth family. They were Czech. Get it, Houndstooth, Czech? (Rimshot).
MW: “Ol’ man Wynter
That ol’ man Wynter
They say Wynter is coming
But he don’t say nothing
Cause he just keeps walking
He just keeps walking his dog.”
@taig: MW: It’s like Saul (or Karen Moy) forgot he had a previous dog.
Just like Estelle forgot she had a previous husband.
But yeah, when Saul was introduced, he was a surly asshole with a surly asshole dog. The dog died and Mary basically bullied him into getting this dog. But hey, dogs are good!
Frazz: Why does Mrs. Olsen keep giving Caulfield ammunition to make fun of her behind her back?!?
Luann: Piro remembered he needed to reapply product to his hair.
CS: “And with a sphincter like mine, I need all the relaxing I can get.”
9CL: Oh, damn! Amos is surely going to pay for not defining Edda as a lonce goddess from day one!
9CL – No. Not buying it. If there is one thing that we have established about Amos, it is that he is a simpering doormat. He writes multiple love notes to Edda every day. He grovels behind her when she walks. He licks her toe cleavage in public, while lying on his belly on a public sidewalk. He does her bidding at all times, without question. He has told his Lonce that, were she to cheat on him, he forgives her in advance, for the reasons.
There aren’t enough balls in the entire male chickweed lineup to make Amos suddenly be able to insult his Lonce this way. His entire universe would be crashing down around him. She’s the only human being he even interacts with in any way. He has no family or friends. Nothing about his character in this version of the retcon is capable of insulting his one and only reason to live like this, even as a joke.
I was going to say something about Saul thinking to himself in exposition when I realized that the second panel could well be a dire warning that the new storyline may be about him trying to meet a comely young woman to charm and eventually bear his child.
Has anyone else noticed that Arcamax is still showing yesterday’s Comic Kingdom’s comics instead of today’s? I think Comic Kingdom is cracking down on letting people look at their comics.
Dustin: Hayden, you’re in the wrong comic strip if you want self-proclaimed overachievers who run all the time.
FC: It’s weird how the internet has been in wide use for 20 years or so in the real world, but the Keenes talk like it’s never been around.
At first I thought of course a plugger would print out the directions to a grave from the website until I realized no, a plugger would write down the directions by hand.
I found Scratchy Scrotum’s favorite freeway exit.
So a few months ago, I was in Central Illinois on business and I decided to swing by the small town my dad grew up in. Hadn’t been there in 28?!? years? Since High School when my uncle died. I went to the Cemetery to find my Grandfather and Uncle’s Graves…and dammit if I didn’t have to use the local find a grave app.
So this GenXer finally had a pluggers that spoke to me. FUUUUUUU
I will take solace in the fact that I used a website on my phone, not some sheet of paper.
@Mr1Pirate:
Wait, I must have been in College when he died. Still, forever ago.
Mary Worth: If Moy had any sense of humor at all, the next strip would be Saul getting nailed in the groin by that ball the other guy is throwing around in the first panel.
Pluggers: If you creepily wander through cemeteries gazing at the graves of other peoples’ loved ones out of a morbid death fascination under the excuse of ‘exercise’… you may be a Plugger.
Dennis The Menace: Funnily enough, not too long ago, me, my wife, and one of her friends went down to a newish book store we had heard of to check out its selection. They actually did have old audio books like this on sale there, which included the Harry Potter audio books narrated by Jim Dale… a fact which sent me and my wife into hysterics because we both remember the classic “Dirty Potter” series (https://m.youtube.com/c/DirtyPotter) from the golden days of the net, which was all about taking those very audio books and editing them through voice manipulation to be INCREDIBLY vulgar jokes. And we proceeded to confuse and embarrass her friend by whisper-quoting “subscribe to Dirty Potter dot CUM or else Jim Dale will CUM down your fucking throat!” right there in the aisle.
Point is, this strip is actually pretty plausible!
MW: Bad news, Saul. Greta’s been scoping out nursing homes while you nap.
9CL: Hoo boy, Amos! You picked TODAY to grow a pair?
Oh, I assure you that physical audiobooks are very much a thing still, particularly if you were to leave the big city and come out here to, let’s face it, plugger country.
Mary Worth continues to tease a Ragnarök storyline. We have a cat named Odin. We have a Fimbul-Saul-Wynter. We have a great ship made from the toenails of dead men (presuming Jeff is a podiatrist). And now, in panel one of today’s strip, a cute version of Fenrir’s spawn Sköll devours a symbolic sun. The end comes. A wolf age, an axe age, a meddling age, comes.
MW: Oh, look, another childless widower. You know, here’s a fun writing tip: fiction is more compelling when it’s emotionally complex. Perhaps, instead of making every goddamn character a childless widower so they’re free to pursue retirement-age romance without any complications, it would be more interesting if there were complications, like the opinions and interference of their children.
Then again, Iris does have a son and he was just kind of ignored during her romance with Zak, presumably because any sensible person would be, at the very least, deeply uncomfortable with their mother marrying someone the same age as them.
Pluggers-Pluggers lead the authorities to where the bodies are buried.
DtM – There’s a frowny face on Mr. Wilson’s pants and now that I see it, I can’t unsee it.
@Anonymous: Pluggers buy their tombstones and plots ahead of time, and regularly check to make sure they’re still there.
Mary Worth: Although I wasn’t blessed with children, I was blessed with my dachshund, Greta. That’s why I keep her on a two-foot leash, so close to me I can’t even stand up straight. I am in no way psychologically dependent!
@Anonymous:
“ Piro, having publicly recited a speech about how Bernice was his rock as he tried to escape his harlot of a mother, discovers she already has multiple men in her life and storms off, disillusioned”…”
More like “Piro, realizing these two nitwits will glom onto him like emotional vampires, makes a hasty exit for the sake of his remaining sanity.”
@Baja Gaijin: Piro has learned the lesson “you don’t stick your dick in crazy” from his mom. No, not THAT way, you sickos!
@taig: Isn’t it sort of headcanon that Piro is semi-homeless/couch-surfing? He doesn’t need product—that’s a month or two of accumulated filth making his hair stand up like that. What he needs is a SHOWER.
DT: Today’s strip, giving visual proof that comics lead to juvenile delinquency, was guest written by Dr. Fredric Wertham.
Later in the story we will see Dick shoot a silver-dollar-size hole through Bill Gaines.
Pluggers: I confess I enjoy the odd ramble through an old cemetery. A highlight of a trip to the UK a number of years ago was finding the grave of William Wordsworth. I guess that makes me a plugger. Oh well.
MW::I’m sensing foreshadowing. Saul is going to have a massive heart but his life will be saved by Greta and Mary who will meddle Death.
Mary Worth: Oh, no! Fenrir has at long last broken Gleipnir! From where will a sun come into the blue-and-lilac heaven when he has caught this one and used it as a squeaky toy?
@Voshkod: Should have looked up, and known sick minds think alike.
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: We shouldn’t be surprised that Mary Worth keeps borrowing from the Eddas. Moy does have a doctorate in Norse Mythology from the University of Minnesota, after all. Or will after I’m done editing Wikipedia.
MW – Mary was “blessed with a child,” but she hasn’t seen, mentioned or acknowledged Skip Worth in 60 years.
FC-“I don’t know about this Willem Dafoe guy playing Jesus Christ.”
MW-“Thank you, Mary Worth, who makes all things possible.”
@Baja Gaijin:
Scratchy owns it and anyone using it pays him a toll.
Which is $69, naturally.
GT – “Seriously. Like what even, fam.” Who talks like that? Seriously. Like what even, Hamm.
Love Is-So hot she melts his ice cream.
Pluggers:: old cemeteries rrmind us that life is ephemeral. A Mary storyline does the opposite. RMMD stories are about the enui of modern life.
DtM: I also guessed “public library” (“thrift store” is also a possibility, but the background doesn’t have enough clothes racks and secondhand couches for that). In which case I feel for the staff, because Mr. Wilson is absolutely the sort of person who loudly complains about his tax dollars going to DVDs, youth programs, and pretty much anything that doesn’t fit his image of the library as a silent tomb for literature.
MW: Even my neurodivergent brain is struggling to figure out how Saul’s train of thought went from “Oh good, the dog park isn’t crowded” to “I may not have kids but at least I have my dog!” I’m guessing that, although there are certainly childfree folk who enjoy and/or are good with kids on a short-term basis, Saul is not one of them and in fact agrees with Miss Trunchbull’s view of an ideal world being completely without children.
Pluggers walk to their own graves to save everyone the trouble.
Eek!-“Is the Wizard going around murdering random people and harvesting their organs?”
@61 Ukranazi Stepan: You’re righter than you knew. About a kilometer from the exit is a rather upscale shopping mall, the kind I can’t afford to shop at. Twenty dollars for a hamburger and the frites are extra? No way. Am I a Plugger because I won’t pay $20 for a hamburger?
Pluggers – I wish we could meet some of these deceased pluggers instead of the current crop. A guy with a name like Rip Houndstooth must have been fascinating!
Pluggers meanwhile would sooner get a bigger tombstone for their broken down 40-year old grill, than their wife.
Don Abundio, translated:
“Hilda, do you like me?”
“Yes”
“Are you seeing anyone else?”
“No”
“Do you think I’m being ridiculous?”
“Yes. But I know you’re insecure, and I don’t even mind the lie detector that much”
“But if that little creep keeps staring at me like that I’m going to stab him with an ice pick”
You’re a Plugger if you print out a paper map to find a Houndstooth grave because you can’t get Bluetooth to work on your phone.
RexMD: Careful, Yvonne – that “deck chair” you’re sitting on is Rene, and he’s gonna flip you over the side!! HAWHAWHAW!!
Pluggers: Rarely has a cartoon reduced me to tears, but this one did it…
@astroboy: Skip changed his name to Wilbur Weston.
@Baja Gaijin: Nice!
@Rube: Mary Worth And when Saul had an actual child he was related to stay with him, he treated her like shit in favour of the dog. Why we keep going back to these asshole characters instead of meeting new ones, I have no idea.
That would require talent and imagination.
@75 Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: I saw this exit and thought of you,
$69.69.
Correct change appreciated.
RMMD:
“He’s a real no-hair man.”
— The Beatles (adapted)
“
@Baja Gaijin: #67: Not paying $20 for a burger sans fries doesn’t make you a plugger. It means your momma didn’t raise no fool.
JP: Only one thing for April to do. Don a disguise and become Head of Security at Spencer Ranch. What with the recent arson and Christmas Eve siege, plus the new enterprise, ( Some say Abbey’s making a run for the ‘24 Derby) the Ranch could use it. And, if she can’t fool Abbey, April needs to turn in her Women of International Intrigue card.
9CL: She hasn’t changed much, except for losing the ponytail.
GT: Good on Rod Wingham for putting in the effort to depict fifth position with reasonable accuracy (extra points for the turnout being well away from full parallel, indicating invested but casual students who don’t have ambitions to go professional). Not so with Henry Barjas, who in trying to come up with something that might come from the mouths of The Kids These Days settled on “Seriously, like what even, fam.”
Luann: Piro realizes that anything is better for his mental health than hanging with these idiots.
MT: As far as names for geeky nature lovers go, “Rod Radagast” is even better than “Mark Trail.”
RMMD: “This is what it’s like to run with the Morgans, Yvonne: things happen, often in an absurd and implausible fashion, nothing comes of it, and nobody is ever inconvenienced. You get used to it, trust me.”
CS – It’s my fault.
I once sent Tom Batiuk a letter and got back some autographed Crankshaft art. So I should have assumed such a fan-friendly guy would respond as he did when I sent him a sarcastic request for a week about Crankshaft trying to take a shit.
My bad, folks.
Today I learned that walking among us are those who examine Mr. Wilson’s trousers every day to see if an inadvertent human expression has been included. This morning: payoff.
I fear that Mr. Wilson’s excursion to Borges’ Library of Babel will be wasted on him.
DT: If Sprocket will be wearing her shoulder-bearing tops that look like she’s going to have a major wardrobe malfunction at any minute I’m on board for the story.
Pluggers: Earl’s grandpa will be spinning in that grave if he finds out his grandson married a chicken.
Dammit, boy! You eat those things, not date them!
@taig: #39
Exactly. A devout Christian family like the Keanes would go to http://www.plugged in.com to look at movie reviews and recommendations. Do print papers these days even have full-spread movie pages like that??
@Ukranazi Stepan: #61
*Peers into my wallet* Would Scratchy accept 69 cents instead?
RMMD: Rene Belluso is hiding in the hold inside a large barrel of kippered herring, along with his three brothers. Soon they will be harmonizing on “Sweet Adeline.”
A cool Plugger horror story would be a Plugger looking for the tomb of various famous people and finally he comes up to a tomb and by the headstone he discovers that the tomb… is for himself!!! Unfortunately, it won’t work because Pluggers can’t or won’t read
MW: Greta’s gonna die, isn’t she.
I hate that I understand the rhythms of Mary Worth now to the degree that I KNOW that white dog is going to tear poor Greta to pieces.
@Ettorre:
“Before I draw nearer to that stone to which you point,” said Plugger, “answer me one question. Are these the shadows of the things that Will be, or are they shadows of the things that May be, only?”
Still the Ghost pointed downward to the grave by which it stood.
“Men’s courses will foreshadow certain ends, to which, if persevered in, they must lead,” said Plugger. “But if the courses be departed from, the ends will change. Say it is thus with what you show me!”
The Spirit was immovable as ever.
Plugger crept towards it, trembling as he went; and following the finger, saw upon the stone of the neglected grave some squiggly lines.
“If only I hadn’t failed first through twelfth grade” he cried, upon his knees.
@Baja Gaijin: I found Scratchy Scrotum’s favorite freeway exit.
On the tourist road near where I live, the loop is approximately 72 miles, and the highway department got so tired of replacing the 69-mile marker that they gave up and installed another one half a mile further back and labeled it 68.5.
DtM: Mrs. Wilson will be disappointed to find out Kathy Lette’s How to Kill Your Husband isn’t an instruction manual.
FC: What the heck is Thel doing behind Bil? Hopefully she’s noshing on something, because that waist of hers is freakishly small. This is another repeat of the strip from June 2, 1978, a time when newspapers were printed in glorious broadsheet format, and the family could be deciding between The Bad News Bears Go to Japan and Jaws 2.
RMMD: @Ukulele Ike: If this storyline finally ends with either your scenario or with Hank and Yvonne crammed in their stateroom with stewards carrying platters of hardboiled eggs, all will be forgiven.
@Voshkod: This of course a metaphor of the Pluggers’ doctor telling them that their death can be avoided if they just started eating less fat and more vegetables and the Pluggers saying no
REX MORGAN M.D.: Sorry but the newlyweds are still on the contact high of hearing “Muddy Boots.” Nothing could faze them at this point.
Yvonne: “A vengeful criminal man who tried to murder my husband is on the loose? Whatever! I’m not going to let that harsh my buzz, man!”
REX MORGAN M.D. (2): Rene main priority is “not getting caught”? Yeah, It would totally spoil his plans if he had to be locked up in that easily-escapable brig guarded by totally incompetent staff. It’s his biggest fear, getting “caught” by a cruise line so inept that doesn’t do even the most minimal of vetting process to begin with.
Ok, maybe eugenics is not PC or woke enough these days, but we should all agree that if Wynter reproduced instead of Wilbur, the social benefit would not have been insignificant
@Guillermo el chiclero: DT: If Sprocket will be wearing her shoulder-bearing tops that look like she’s going to have a major wardrobe malfunction at any minute I’m on board for the story.
Inspection of panel two fails to reveal potential for any malfunction greater than “minimal.”
Tabloid newspapers rarely tease with a story headline, “Bee Bites on View, Pix on Page Seven.”
@Poteet#Y213 – Yes to Robert Redford.
As much as I was frightened by the Ed Wynn Twilight Zone episode, the one I found even scarier was the one with Inger Stevens and the hitchhiker who was Death. I was an adult when I saw that one.
@jroggs: RMMD – As stupid as this story is, it’s even more boring. That’s a deadly combination.
My vote for the stupidest comics story ever is from a vintage strip, Heart of Juliet Jones. Eve was in a car accident and suffered a “bruised spine.” Rather than take her to a hospital, where there are doctors, nurses, equipment, drugs, etc, they take her to a nearby farmhouse where she recuperates in one of the bedrooms.
@Liam: I read CK comics on the Seattle Times site, and the comics were current.
@Just John: “That’s the last time I’ll try to do a 69 with Martha the Dwarf!”
“Why, what happened?”
“No matter how we contorted ourselves, the closest we could get was a 68.5.”
Or both.
I’m told that the cemetery in Plainfield, Wisconsin, got so tired of replacing Ed Gein’s tombstone after people stole it that Ed is now in an unmarked grave.
What did they find in Ed Gein’s sewing kit?
Belly buttons.
What did they find in his gas tank?
Ethyl.
Candorville: The male members of her condo association only go to the gym to ogle Susanna in skimpy workout clothing, and now she’s being punished for it. This seems fair.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX:
“the highway department got so tired of replacing the 69-mile marker”…
Be honest, do you have a pile of these in your shed?
For what it’s worth, I was recently looking at a house located on Bonerwood Road, and I would consider it, just for the address.
DtM: Judging by the dim lighting, the Wilsons appear to be scavenging a newly-unearthed Waldenbooks from an archaeological dig. Those could be 8-tracks.
When a Plugger says, “Whew, I’m worn out,” he doesn’t mean physically, he means existentially. Fortunately he knows where to find an open grave in which to lie down.
The audiobooks look like they might be designed as book covers, maybe containing an audible download code? That’s how videogames work these days, it could make sense. Dennis the Menace being on top of tech trends does feel somewhat like the apocalypse though.
LUANN: Piro: “You’re having a non-relationship with someone else? You hussy!” (well if y’all want to explain what Piro is acting sulking and jealous about, be my guest.)
LUANN (2): I do love that Piro’s “plan” hinged on no one being interested in Bernice. That’s usually a safe bet there.
@Old School Allie Cat: In the Orkney Islands north of the Scottish mainland, the markers indicating the road to the town of Quim were stolen so often that local officials just started selling copies to tourists. No, I don’t own one.
@Professor Well Actually: I like old cemeteries, too. The old tombstones are interesting.
This might be morbid, but one of the lists I go over in my mind when I can’t sleep is the famous people’s final resting places that I have visited. Wordsworth’s is one of them. The first one I remember seeing was Ben Franklin’s grave, and the most recent one was Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s. I was in the chapel where Anne Boleyn was buried.
@Abomynous: Wilber will run her over with a car.
9CL – Where did Edda get that outfit – Teenage Tarts R Us? Amos’s wardrobe is obviously from the Goodwill Nursing Home Ambulatory Men’s Collection.
Don’t these two jerks have small children that they should be paying attention to?
Frazz – Yes, I know that this is just a setup for Caulfield to cut up Mrs. Olsen behind her back, but – heaven help me – I thought this was funny. Stopped clock, blind squirrel, whatever.
FC – I hope they’re not going to drag those melonheads to see Kramer vs Kramer. They’ll be bored out of their gourd shaped skulls. It’s a toss up as to whether PJ or Jeffy pitches the loudest fit. Dolly, of course, will spill her popcorn and loudly blame it on Jeffy.
DtM: do people still buy audio books? I mean the cds in packages. I listen to Audible.
@I speak Jive: (on FC) That reminds me of the time my parents took eight-year-old me to a showing of All the President’s Men. I fell asleep about 15 minutes into the movie.
@Hannibal’s Lectern: That sounds like something I heard about, designed with blind people in mind.
Crank: Four more days of Ed explaining his bathroom habits. Four more days.
DtM, meta: Okay, at the risk of sounding Pluggerish, let me stand up for physical media. A while back, my decade-old iPod stopped carrying a charge. At some point, I’m going to have to do something about that. But in the meantime, my stacks of Doctor Who and I’m Sorry, I Haven’t a Clue CDs (and tapes!) are still here. They didn’t magically vanish when I stopped being connected to a specific service! They are a physical presence in my house and nobody, not even the BBC itself, can decide I can’t listen to them!
GT: Yes, “Seriously, like what even, fam” is the sort of cringing teenspeak that suggests the writer either doesn’t know any teens, or doesn’t know that teens like to make adults look stupid when they can, but let’s not let that distract us too much from the fact none of the rest of this makes any sense either.
MT: Bill Ellis knows that to avoid cancellation, he needs to make Woods & Wildlife‘s subscription figures look better than the company’s other publications. And if that means tricking the readers of True Tech into killing themselves, that’s what he’ll do. His one remaining moral scruple is that Teen Sparkle is quite far down the list.
Phantom: “Please say, out loud, in front of the entire Jungle Patrol and on an open channel, that you’re organising a jailbreak in a hostile country. Plausible deniability is for wimps!”
RMMD: Sure, if there’s one thing we all know about Rene it’s that he makes sensible decisions and is never fueled by petty revenge…
Mutt & Jeff: Since M&J retired from daily newspaper comic strips they have been spending time learning Spanish, apparently. Wouldn’t it be great if “Benitin y Eneas” had a crossover with Mr. Abernathy (Don Abundio)?
// Or they could just hang with Garfield en Español.
@Scuds: There’s an echo in here!
@Old School Allie Cat: Please get a photo of the sign. Is there a 69 Bonerwood?
@Peanut Gallery: Harris Tweed could weave a fascinating tail….
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Sent to you. And no, as best as I can tell – they quit while they were ahead.
@2+2=7: LUANN:well if y’all want to explain what Piro is acting sulking and jealous about, be my guest
That’s just it though: Piro’s not acting unusual at all. This is how he always acted during his previous interactions with Bernice. Every time she encountered him he’d act all closed-off and stoic, then immediately be like “oh, gotta go” and leave her behind to obsess over how sexily mysterious he was.
They’ve had “Dennis Minus Menace” for so long, just call it “The Wilsons” already.
Mary Worth: “Oh good, it’s not crowded today,” says Saul, the only person so misanthropic (and zoophobic) that he prefers the dog park when it’s completely free of people and their dogs.
Pluggers: This dude’s playing the grimmest-ever version of Pokemon Go.
Dennis the Menace: The only reason Mr. Wilson goes to the mall anymore is to buy pornographic board games at Spencer’s Gifts. And he’s such a grump, he decided to wear his new “upside-down smiley-face symbol” pants out of the store.
@Mr1Pirate: @Scuds:
@Scuds: There’s an echo in here!
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I’ve got to concentrate….concentrate…..Pitch hitting for Scratchy Scrotum…..Manny Mota… Mota….Mota…
@Bryan: Yeah, Piro was always sullen and creepy, he’s just reverted to type. That Bernice was attracted to him was inexplicable, other than as a sign that she was a broken toy herself.
Is today’s “Beat up Bailey” second panel one of those X-rated foreign market ones with Sarge’s Little Orville white outed?
@Scuds: Oddly enough, it appears that Eneas is Mutt and Benitin is Jeff. In Spanish, Jeff finally gets top billing!
Crossover strip:
Eneas cons his way into some kind of a job working for Don Abundio. He’s supposed to report for work the next day. Then he cons Benitin into going in his place.
Abundio: “Weren’t you taller yesterday?”
Benitin: “Yeah, but for what you’re paying, this is all you get!”
Beetle Bailey-Looks like some of the Usual is starting to grow mold.
Mutt and Jeff-Jeff, you are insatiable.
Zits from Spanish to English
The Familliar Mucus: Original 70s punchline “Thank goodness for Siskle & Ebert,they’ll tell us what to see forever!”
@Peanut Gallery:
@Scuds: Oddly enough, it appears that Eneas is Mutt and Benitin is Jeff. In Spanish, Jeff finally gets top billing!
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Is “Baldo” Spanish for “Dustin”?
Vintage Nancy – Hey, where can I get a copy of CHARM BOOK? I could use some pointers.
@Baja Gaijin: That’s the same exit Vintage Mark Trail just took!
@135 Peanut Gallery:
You just like falling out of trees.
@BigTed:
Dennis the Menace: The only reason Mr. Wilson goes to the mall anymore is to buy pornographic board games at Spencer’s Gifts. And he’s such a grump,
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What would be the categories in “Trivial Pursuit: George Wilson Edition”? Please discuss and show your work (This question counts for 69% of your Snarking grade total.)
@94 Just John: A year ago or so I posted a picture of Scratchy’s favorite road sign: the 69 mile marker on Interstate 69. Do you remember that, Mr. Scrotum?
@Peanut Gallery:
That’s the book that cursed Chadtronic to rate cursed commercials
@Sequitur: Sometimes I feel like a nut, sometimes I don’t.
Dennis No Menace: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, that’s cute, Mr Wilson’s pants miss Dennis.
Here’s a sign Scratchy can use on Friday.
Also, note the copyright holder in the bottom right.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX:
$69.69.
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In the year 6969, if Scratchy pays the fine, if Baja tows the line,they may find…
@Baja Gaijin: “A year ago or so I posted a picture of Scratchy’s favorite road sign: the 69 mile marker on Interstate 69.”
Nice.
@Sequitur:
Here’s a sign Scratchy can use on Friday.
Also, note the copyright holder in the bottom right.
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You wouldn’t expect a camera mounted on a beaver to take a shot from that angle, would you?
@Baja Gaijin: Sure do. I never forget.
I also have a photo of the sign for Big Bone Lick State Park (in Kentucky, I think).
Six Chex and A Cat Named Boingy,boingy,boingy: “Gotta love Spring, that’s why I keep so many of them in my hair.”
@147 Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: You are correct. The park is in Kentucky, not far from Cincinnati.
DtM: George Wilson has what looks like an Arabic-language comic book under his arm, so I’m guessing he has hidden depths we don’t know about. I mean, he’d pretty much have to.
MW: Saul was never blessed with children because there are no child pounds you can go in and pick from.
Pluggers: The “Please No Urination” signs here have a certain urgency they might lack in your average cemetery.
@E. Norma Stitz:
Tabloid newspapers rarely tease with a story headline, “Bee Bites on View, Pix on Page Seven
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It’s just Hollywood promotion about Francis Bavier’s “Living Dead” cameo.
@taig: There’s no sexy stuff or violence in that movie, but that doesn’t mean that a child could sit through it. At least you fell asleep instead of being disruptive.
What in the world makes the Keanes think that a toddler like PJ could sit through any movie in a theater? Maybe they should get HTT Grandma to babysit while they take the older three. That would also give her the opportunity to start the indoctrination and brainwashing.
9CL: Given Edda’s “but enough about me, let’s talk about me” conversational patterns, she kind of deserves this, misunderstanding though it may be. Amos will pay later, obviously.
C-Shaft: I’d like to think that Pam has learned something about not asking questions unless you want an answer, but she should have picked up on that lesson a number of years ago.
DT: As I recall, Silver and Sprocket are actually stepsiblings. And from the way they were with each other as adults, I really, really, really wish I could be sure that Mike Curtis remembers that as well.
Luann: How is the guy wearing a wool scarf in San Diego in May the easiest character to identify with?
RMMD: Hank Jr. is quite sanguine about the guy who tried to murder him being loose. He’s either brave (cold), dumb (warmer), or his iced tea comes from Long Island (boiling hot!)
WofI: Stepping on wet cement when a sign tells you not to has some point to it. Putting your foot on run-of-the-mill grass under the same conditions does not. So it was a lame non-stunt unless the kid knew about Audrey II.
@I speak Jive: Maybe if I had paid a little more attention to Watergate when I was 4 or 5, I would have gotten more out of the movie.
I was generally a well-behaved child, so it was safe to take me to movies I had no chance of enjoying.
@taig: You mean you didn’t watch the hearings instead of Sesame Street?
Seriously, a well behaved child is nice to be around. It’s too bad that you had to sleep through movies, though.
@I speak Jive: “Vun count of obstruction of justice. Ah ah ah!”
@Garrison Skunk:
Is “Baldo” spanish for Dustin?
Couldn’t be. He’s gainfully employed, a hard worker, his family loves him, he has a girlfriend…
And “Baldo” can’t be spanish for “Zits”, because 1. No, the word is “grano” 2. “Baldomero” and “Jeremias” are two different names
(Isn’t Baldo a little young to pick the stupider-sounding shortening of his, because he doesn’t want people calling him “Homer”?)@Liam: Cookie is serving a Romaine salad and whole navel oranges for dinner, lacking both proteins and carbohydrates. Camp Swampy is not high on the U.S. Army list for valid overseas troops, unless there is an immediate need for vegetarian, gluten-free warriors.
@Artist formerly known as Ben: While Mr. Wilson was delivering mail to the Saudi Arabian Consulate back in the early aughts, he developed an addiction to Muslim pornography.
Vintage strips:
Rip Kirby – Rip still doesn’t know that his competitor, Steele, is a woman. I’m sure that as soon as they meet, she will instantly fall in love with him.
I liked how he pretended to be a doctor conducting research when the cops came to the lab. Rip thinks fast on his feet.
Juliet Jones – I keep threatening to drop this, but I’m hooked. I always wonder what stupidity the thirteen year old writer will come up with next. The characters are all immature drama queens, and everyone falls in love with Eve. Now Skeets is posting a letter to Earl Delmonico. I can’t decide if she’s tattling on Eve or begging him to come home and take Eve off her hands.
The artwork is great.
Vintage JP – This story is very entertaining. Jeannie and Tim are hiding out at Spencer Farms after robbing a bank. He wants to keep a low profile, but she insisted on going out to a bar, and they ended up in a fight which landed the opponent in the hospital. Now the cops are going to contact Spencer Farms to find out who they are.
There was a scene a couple of weeks ago in which Abbey, the lady of the manor, had the new employees present themselves at the mansion to meet her. Abbey is a much more appealing character in these vintage strips, but maybe this is when the entitlement started.
Jeannie is an interesting character, with apparently no impulse control.
@I speak Jive: #159
Love the vintage strips!
And yes – having the servants “present themselves” to Abbey sounds “Leona Helmsley”-ish…not very appealing to us egalitarian Americans. :-)
(And we know where Leona Helmsley ended up…)
@Garrison Skunk: Me and You and a Clod Named Boog….
@Tony:
Mr. Wilson just wants to watch his Night Court tape.
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Who can blame him? It’s the one where Dan prosecutes Whyle E. Coyote for stalking the Road Runner.
@Little Blue Bicycle:
Plug: I remember the Houndstooth family. They were Czech. Get it, Houndstooth, Czech? (Rimshot).
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That Czech bounced like a chicken bone on a tanuki’s tummy.
@Garrison Skunk: Baldo (the character) is not as pathetic as Dustin. But I’m pretty sure Baldo’s still in high school, so the expectations are lower.
Mark Trail Mix: Nice Leo Laporte cameo.
@Garrison Skunk: A hiker and his buddy from Prague were wandering through Yellowstone when two big grizzly bears charged them. They ran, and the hiker was horrified to see his friend quickly devoured by the male bear while the female bear chased the hiker. He ran, both bears now on his heels, until he saw a park ranger. “Ranger! That bear right there just ate my friend from Prague!” The ranger, without hesitation, shot down the female bear. “No,” the hiker shouted, “the other one ate my friend!” “Yeah, right buddy,” the ranger drawled, “I never believe anyone who tells me the Czech’s in the male.”
Dick Twacy: “Sock it to ME?”-Richard Nixon. “….this is why I hire plumbers and not mechanics.”
Mr Owl, how many dead Houndstooths does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll™center of a Tootsie Roll ™Comic Curmudgeon Pop™?
@Artist formerly known as Ben: MW: Saul was never blessed with children because there are no child pounds you can go in and pick from.
Huh? If you are willing to raise a child with special needs, there is no shortage of kindly folks who would like to get in touch with you.
@Voshkod: Very funny!
@170 Garrison Skunk:
Regular response. That’s funny!
Pragmatist response. The male had already eaten and was less likely to attack than the hungry female.
MW-“Although I wasn’t blessed with children due to my narrow urethra.”
@taig:
@I speak Jive: Maybe if I had paid a little more attention to Watergate when I was 4 or 5, I would have gotten more out of the movie.
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Did you fall asleep during the sequel, “Deep Throat”? I understand they saved all the “good stuff” for that one.
@172 Liam
Perhaps he needed to stuff cereal up it.
(@132 Sequ:itur:)
Since when does Martha Wilson have scales? Does Lucky Eddie know? Where’s our Dtm/HtH crossover?Confused? You won’t be after tonight’s episode of Comics Curmudgeon.
@Garrison Skunk: I haven’t seen that one, just like I haven’t seen “Debbie Does Dallas,” the prequel to “Dallas Buyers Club.”
@Abomynous: Something’s likely gonna happen to one or the other.:
Saul will have a heart attack, Greta will start barking and running back and forth frantically and after some initial confusion (“What’s that, Greta? Saul fell into a well?”), she saves the day. (And Saul, BTW.)
Greta will be attacked by a big mean dog, who steals her bow tie. Saul’s vow of revenge reverberates throughout the dog park.
The bow tie comes undone by itself and Saul doesn’t recognize her. He spends hours calling her name in a piteous voice, but she’s too busy diving into burrows and chasing rabbits to hear.
Saul will let Greta off the leash, but he will mistake someone else’s dog for her and the two old men get into a viscous fight that takes three police officers to break up.
After a couple of hours strip time (days for us) of Saul pondering life and Greta sniffing for doggie messages, Saul will sit on a park bench and say “What a lovely day this has been.” He and Greta will head back to Charterstone, arriving there Saturday. Sunday the whole thing will be repeated.
Nice of the Pluggers people to name drop me again. A bit disturbing that they always portray me as dead, but such is the price of fame, I suppose.
@Peanut Gallery: “Oddly enough, it appears that Eneas is Mutt and Benitin is Jeff.”
I thought that might be the case: Benitin looked like a diminutive. But maybe it’s opposites? Like calling a big guy “Tiny” .
Can’t wait to find out what Mrs. Mutt and Cicero are called in this alt. univ..
@179 Scuds:
Possibly Mrs. Mongrel and Piggy?
Who remembers Porky Pig’s nephew Cicero? (The smaller pig in this link).
@Abomynous:
MW: Greta’s gonna die, isn’t she.
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I hope Mary can explain the dachshund sized hot dog bun she ordered from Amazon.
@Sequitur:
(The smaller pig in this link).
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Pig in this link? Is that like a pig in this blanket? Asking for a Willburp.
@Abomynous: Saul can read the writing on the wall….
@Bnonymous: True, but not exactly what I meant. Anyway, it was just a joke, and one that may not have landed.
@182 Garrison Skunk:
More like a pig in a poke. Wilbur has no idea what he’s getting.
@Sequitur: 185
A pig in a poke? Is that how Estelle described sex with Wilbur?
@186 Avoiding the Madding Crowd:
That’s exactly what happened. Estelle was expecting much more.
MW: Saul might die and then a new home would have to be found for Greta. I actually hate that idea, and am saying it aloud late at night in the spirit of prevention.