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“I see why Jeff bought a much bigger boat. If you want to discuss Wilbur’s sex prowess and escape the judgment of men, you better go into international waters. But can you escape the judgement of God?” –Ettorre

And your very funny runners up!

“‘No, Jeff, it’s exactly as it should be.’ Calm down, Mary. Even though you’re right, there’s no need to be the boss of Jeff’s opinions, because he always has the weakest opinions imaginable. I don’t think he’s actually convinced this isn’t all a dream. I know I’m not.” –made of wince

“Dustin’s dad wouldn’t last five seconds in France. Partly because of his lack of respect for strikes, but mostly because that sandwich looks like the worst croque monsieur I’ve ever seen.” –Schroduck

“After yesterday’s Mother’s Day aberration, Hi has gone back to his usual level of helpfulness around the house. He also walks up behind Lois when she’s washing dishes and points out when she’s missed a spot.” –Peanut Gallery

“Dustin is coming home from a (presumably) 9-5 job talking about ‘departments’ wearing a jacket/tie while his dad is casually sitting in the kitchen eating a sandwich. Sounds like Dustin’s dad is being the lazy layabout today! Get to work, Dustin’s dad!” –ALK

“Count Weirdly’s plan is to get Max so stirred up about his new ‘wonder weapon’ that he will demand that the Animal government take immediate action and fund a massive cost-plus program to prevent propeller drones in space. Weirdly Industries will be more than happy to help out.” –But What Do I Know?

“‘Refund’ I can only assume in Hootin’ Holler means ‘took a decades-old axe to the store and used it to rob them of some change then left it behind because a lifetime of drinking moonshine does a number on the old memory.’ Or maybe it’s a new axe, but there’s no way Snuffy had a receipt for it, so some sort of threat was definitely involved.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Dr. Jeff knows ‘surf n’ turf’ generally means a piece of beef tenderloin and a lobster tail. By ordering a bowl of clam chowder and a strip steak instead, he’s having his usual little Bum Boat joke. ‘I’ll have surf n’ turfclam chowder and a steak! Ah ha ha ha ha ha. Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha.’ ‘Dr. Jeff will have his little joke,’ says Jerry, then goes back into the kitchen to spit in their food.” –Ukulele Ike

Don’t let looks deceive you — they could be sexting each other right now!” –Pozzo

“<He’s wearing a cowboy hat. He must be extra American.>” –Kevin On Earth

“We’ve been talking nonstop since we sat down, Jeff, and I’m bored and unhappy.” –Liam

“Sorry, can’t comment right now, just going through every Madonna song I know and trying to figure out which one would be funniest in an Elmer Fudd voice. So far the frontrunner is ‘Papa Don’t P(w)each.’” –pugfuggly

“[Reads comic] [Starts pondering the theology of Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC] [Starts constructing elaborate fan theory that Beetle Bailey represents the Seven Deadly Sins and Dante’s Inferno, then tying in Hi and Lois, Hagar, and the lesser known Boner’s Ark] [Wakes up 20 years later, finding myself the Kevin Feige of the Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC Studios and cinematic Universe]” –Philip

“We have 25 different beers! No thumbs, though.” –pastordan

“If you spent time at Roz’s Existential Lunch Counter — which has no food, plates, utensils, napkins, or cash registers, and ‘serves’ nothing but empty water glasses — you’d be depressed too.” –BigTed

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