Several opinions from Josh about comic strips
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Beetle Bailey, 5/19/23
It is of course a long-established joke in Beetle Bailey that Sarge is a cartoonish glutton, but every once in a while they also do a joke that he’s a cartoonish drunk. I feel like these are different things! I’m not here to either defend or disparage Sgt. Orville Snorkel, his appetites are between him and his God and his chain of command, I just feel like we’re expected to think of the boozing and the eating as part of the same thing, and I feel like they are in fact different things.
Gasoline Alley, 5/19/23
The current Gasoline Alley storyline is about how Rufus has a real bad head injury, and, maybe this is just me, but I think it should be more obvious when one of your characters has a real bad head injury. Like, they should be acting a lot more differently than they usually do than Rufus is here. Just my take.
Shoe, 5/19/23
As you can imagine, I’ve given some thought about the most succinct way I could describe each and every one of the comics I read and review for this site, and I think my current take on Shoe is “All the birds are very depressed.”
137 replies to “Several opinions from Josh about comic strips”
Gil Thorp: I’ve had episodes of explosive diarrhea that displayed better planning skills than the author of this strip.
Of course they are. Their pay is chicken feed, and they come home to an empty nest. Their life is for the birds.
I’m not sorry.
Is Rufus not drunk? I thought this was going to be “disturbingly alcoholic Friday.”
Jeff and Mary must think their relationship is completely normal.
The punchline in Shoe was so bad Roz jumped the counter to beat the Loon up. Always important to include an audience surrogate.
BB: The eating can be just as damaging as the boozing. Case in point: the bartender has more fingers than Sarge! Clearly Sarge must have gnawed one of his own off in a fit of gluttony.
Beetle Bailey : What are you talking about, Josh? In the cathechism, it’s clearly stated overeating and alcoolism are different expressions of the exact same thing; the Sin of Gluttony (overindulging in food and drink and becoming like a beast).
**********
Gasoline Alley : is doing an amnesia storyline, but somehow isn’t doing anything interesting with it. It’s actually just tedious bumpkins being idiots at each others while nothing really funny happens.
…So, same old, same old, really.
**********
Luann : …crazy thought : this could all be worth it if it turns out we were wrong about Nils’ painting, and it actually very clearly depicts Bernice Halper and Jack [Lastname] (and not Mona Lisa and David). It would lead to how this giant crowd has heard Bernice confess her loyal, everlasting love to Piro, only for them to see an image of her eagerly, lustfully looking at the penis of a guy who is clearly not Piro.
…Too far?…*************
On the Fastrack : that’s significantly more binding than being simply ‘tethered’. That’s Ms Trellis believing ANY offer for a different job is an irrestible siren call that would have you abandoning ship immediately…. which tracks, I guess. It’s just weird Dethany’s not being more honest with her.
*************
Ripley’s Don’t Believe It :
a) Wait, Game of Thrones had a ‘funny animal’ version where all the main characters are turtles THIS ENTIRE TIME?
b) Wait, just regular sweaters? Not kilts, or just tartan fabric?
c) So, you’re not slurping a sapient being, and when you remove a pearl, you’re really just removing a painful tumor? Convenient!
*************
Shoe : …hey, do birds die of loneliness, or is that just bunnies?
*************
Sally Forth : weird they’d bring attention to the fact that they’ve already done the “one of Hillary Forth’s best friend has to seek refuge at her house, is stuck being the one sane person confused by how insane Ted is” storyline before…
MW: Hey, Campers! For a fun trick, you can make Dr. Jeff morph into Wilbur, right before your very eyes! If you cover just the very top of his head with your thumb, he turns into our favorite schlub!
RMMD: I suppose “Muddy Boots ” could be re-worked into a song about wiping your feet.
DT: Love this strip; the jutting jaws, the dauntless detectives, the awesomely abundant alliteration!
MW: At the rate he’s de-aging, Dr Jeff’s going to get carded for his next drink order.
GA: Judging from the donkey’s reaction in panel two, I think and Rufus have a past, and she is NOT happy to see him.
GT: ????????????????????
RMMD: “Harwood, want a cowboy hat?”
CS: “So from August through maybe the second week of November, you all can sit around here doing nothing.”
Another Batiuk stab at reality misses by a mile.
MW: “I mean look at those hips. Saying she’s had only six kids is putting it mildly.”
MW: Zooming in on her fork with her phone’s camera, the woman uses her “PictureThis” app and discovers with horror that the spinach she’s been eating is actually poison ivy.
If Josh hasn’t said that Gasoline Alley was depicting a head injury, I would never have guessed it. It’s clearly someone who has had way too much to drink, and may possibly in his inebriated fugue state try to start relations with a mule.
Gasoline Alley: I thought the short inbred married the donkey? Is he pimping her out to his best friend? That would be a twist I didn’t see coming, nor did she.
Am I the only one who thinks Josh used ChatGPT for his commentary today?
I know that Beetle Bailey is the title character, but I always find it odd when Sarge is shown hanging out with Beetle off-duty as if they’re buddies. Is it like those old sheepdog/wolf cartoons: “Why you sad sack of shit, I’m going to beat you until you’ll salute a Lieutenant’s stripes on a jack…hey, quittin’ time, wanna grab a beer?”
RMMD:
“Is this your first foray into projects for juveniles, Mr. Cameron?”
“Nah., Fergus. I marketed an electric pen in the shape of a bee for kids that I called ‘Buzzy Bizz Bizz.’ But then I got sued for trademark infringement by the creators of ‘Bizzy Buzz Buzz,’ and that was kinda that.”
GA: Apparently it’s Rufus’s usual routine to sleep in his clothes on top of a week’s worth of donkey crap, and yet (I hate that I remember this) somehow this guy is the mayor’s boyfriend? Is everyone there brain-damaged from gasoline fumes?
RMMD:
“Mr. Cameron, I also did a cover of Nine Inch Nails’ ‘Closer’ and accompanying video that might be attractive for the young ‘uns as well.”
Beatoff Bailey: It’s not that Sarge is a drunk that is surprising. It’s that he’d want to sample a lot of craft beers. I had Sarge pegged as a Pabst kind of guy. Unless the samples will be Budweiser, Olympia, Old Milwaukee, Hauenstein, Hamm’s, Edelweiss, Blatz, Miller, Busch . . .
Pluggers: You rarely see them at those fancy places where they put the ketchup bottles on the table.
Shoe: With just two panels, Shoe slam-dunks the ball directly into Mary Worth‘s face. You wanted to talk about occupational depression? You thought things were rough with being left short-handed in the clinic’s cat euthanasia wing and getting review-bombed by angry dog owners? Imagine being so miserably lonely that you deceive people into exploring your home and asking questions about square footage and energy costs, followed by despising you for wasting their time with your lies, all just so you can briefly remember what it’s like to interact with other people. Now that is despair worth the meddling.
Luann: After completely failing to explain how and why his life was terrible before encountering Bernice, Piro completely fails to explain how his life was improved after meeting her. Nonetheless, while Bernice wanted nothing to do with Piro romantically, she is happy to dedicate herself to him as a profound albeit inexplicable and obligately sexless source of life validation and creative inspiration. It’s a comfortingly familiar tale, mostly because this strip did literally this exact same plot with Bernice and Nil a few months ago.
B. Bailey: Hard to tell from Beetle’s non-expression if Sarge’s order means this date-night is getting off to a good or bad start.
BTW, we all know Sarge would never indulge in a Lite/Light beer, but no snarky comments about Bud Light and associated implications. I think Sarge is hip and would never go all Kid Rock over Bud Light. He just wouldn’t drink a light beer. I would like to imagine, however, Sarge blowing up a bunch of craft beer in general. He’s not a beer snob. He thinks beer should be swilled, not swirled and savored.
Beetle Bailey: “We have 25 different beers! No thumbs, though.”
Marvin: “Forget that;” i. e. ‘forget’ you said that just as you ‘forgot’ your lunch.
“I may be a dick but I’m a succinct dick.”
Loon is the Lucky Eddie of the Shoeniverse. He’s sad because Cosmo Fishhawk keeps eating his girlfriends.
Shoe: It is spring. In the spring, birds sing about how desperately lonely and/or horny they are. Loon is a terrible guitarist and singer. Just a bit of ornithology and Shoe lore for whoever might need it.
Hagar: The visually impaired are surprised by today’s Alt-text caption; “Helga rolls a drunk.”
MW:
“Let’s change the topic, shall we, Mary?”
“Sure. Did you hear that Tommy Beedie’s erstwhile pal Vin has scored the lead role of ‘Allie Lowman’ in the Santa Royale Players’ forthcoming production of the Arthur Miller adaptation ‘Meth of a Salesman’ ?”
Beetle Bailey – Beetle has no enthusiasm for being ordered to serve as Sarge’s designated driver, or to have to clean out the Jeep they borrowed from the motor pool after Sarge vomits 25 different sorts of beer in the back.
Gasoline Alley – The hay will make it much easier to clean up the scene when Rufus dies from his untreated head trauma. Becky the Donkey may never fully recover, however.
Shoe – Loon knows the best way to lure in a Millennial to hang out is to dangle the possibility of affordable housing
Beastly Bailey: it’s cartoon canon that ordinary humans are drawn with three fingers on each hand, while divine beings are depicted with the full set of four (see, for instance, any of the “Homer meets God” episodes of “The Simpsons”). Given this, I find the bartender in today’s strip more than a little disturbing.
@Occam: You’ll be here all week.
MT: Wow! Whatta performance today by Young Orson, in a cross-gender role as Millie the Bear! The intensity, the rage, the furor! It’s just … wait, what… you mean he’s not acting?!? He said Jebediah tried to “get frisky” with him??
Intern, maybe you’d better get over there. Yeah, take the Bear spray…. and the “Stupid” spray.
@Hibbleton, MW: “By Jove, Holmes — I mean, very perceptive, Mary.”
Rex Morgan, MILF Diver: The deal will fall through as soon as Mr. Cameron finds out Fergus isn’t allowed within 200 feet of an elementary school.
CS: Everybody’s job is safe. Except for you, Crankshaft, unless you have a good explanation as to why you made an unauthorized stop with a district vehicle on district time at the Baskin-Robbins.
RMMD: As the Hardwoods walk away Hank is thinking, “What a maroon! What an ignoranamus! What an imbecilicus! What a nincompetent!”
JUDGE PARKER: Abby: “So what happened to that totally completely real summer internship back in New York?”
Sophie: “Oh it was cancelled once we realized that it never actually existed and was just a random afterthought Ces pulled out of his butt once he realized he could be pretend to be “relevant” without having the slightest idea how “internships” work. Like a corporation is really going to cut the unpaid labor of the inexperienced and….no, no no. This is just a stalling tactic to stretch this go-nowhere non-plot to a week’s length. We’re talking about what you’re doing.”
Beetle Bailey: “Uh… sir, I’m pretty sure you’ll die if you drink that much alcohol all at once.” “Did I stutter?”
Gasoline Alley: Yeah, forget the hospital. All this dude needs for his head injury is to cuddle up with a donkey on a pile of hay. It’s the number one treatment for concussions as recommended by doctors.
Shoe: Unfortunately, the depressed bird forgot to take the open house sign down when he left to go get drunk, and he’s going to return to a pillaged home. Then he’ll have something to REALLY be depressed about.
Don Abundio, translated:
“Are you comfortable, my dear?”
“Yes, but a canoe is pretty lame for a rich guy like you”
“I bet Admiral Trinquete has a motorboat. Do you think he’ll try to compete with you?”
“Yes, I would say yes…”
BB: Beetle: “God is going to punish you for doing that.”
Sarge: “I doubt it. I’m sure God likes beer as much as I do.”
GA: Head injury? Based on the moonshine jug in the first panel, I thought he was shitfaced drunk.
Shoe: “None of the chicks at the one fern bar in town will talk to me.”
REX MORGAN M.D.: Mud: “But before we get down to business Mr. Cameron, I have to go see Buck. He turned out to a terrible agent, even worse at repping me than a dim-witted con-man and nobody. So you can see why it’s very important that I apologize to him, posthaste.”
“All of them!”
“OK, since this is a hipster beer bar, that’s ten bucks per beer in the flight, so 250 bucks please.”
“Great, put it on my card.”
***
“I won’t eat any!”
“Wasn’t expectin’ ya to. Honestly, we should go see the Doc.”
“Yeah, you’re right. I have good insurance.”
***
“I’m lonely. And I’m selling my house. Sorry I just blurted out the lonely thing. Anyway . . . you free tonight?”
“I have to wash my hair. Or feathers. Or something.”
“OK, just a beer then.”
– These dialogues brought to you by The Absent Final Panel Foundation, defanging even the lamest jokes since 2023.
Frazz: They sure are devoting a lot of time to a partially eaten bag of cashews. That’s the joke?
Luann: Who could have seen this twist coming, except for many, many TruFans?
CS: Ye gods! This premise is stupid. At least I can take solace in the knowledge that Crankshaft deserted that poor kid at the ice cream shop.
9CL: Where is that arm coming from?!? It makes no sense based on everyone’s position in the first panel. This is going to haunt me for two to three minutes!
Crankshaft “Also, they will probably remember that they have jobs.”
Dustin: “I even went to Build-A-Bear and stuck a recording of one of the many times you said it in this stuffed hippopotamus for those days when you’re ‘working late.'”
FC: So…her name is “olly?” Or is it “D?”
MW: “It’s like us, for example. I’ve turned down several marriage proposals and you still love me.” “I do. And you love me.” “…”
BG&SS – So…Rufus gets drunk and fucks a mule – this new edgier BG&SS is really something….
Beetle Bailey: What blasphemy is this? Alcoholism jokes are reserved for General Halftrack. Stay in your lane, Snorkel.
Shoe: I don’t read this feature regularly. When did Roz’s diner become Treetops’ premier Green Bay Packers fan bar?
Crank: “So from today, May 19, until December 21, you’re all on official leave without pay. But your jobs are safe.”
MW: “Or maybe they’re both werewolves and now that the full moon has risen, they’re about to tear us limb from limb. Can you get a glass for your beer like an adult?”
GA – “Uncle” Rufus? Wow, I may be into some very perverted fantasies, but I’ve never tried to combine bestiality with incest.
MW: or maybe they don’t love each other anymore.
Loon has no right to be depressed. Not everyone survives being eaten by a shark.
MW – The lady is posting on Instagram: “TFW you’re trying to have a nice night out, but a couple of old people keep staring at you.”
@Ukulele Ike: “MW: “Or maybe they’re both werewolves and now that the full moon has risen, they’re about to tear us limb from limb. Can you get a glass for your beer like an adult?””
Yeah, that’s one high class place they’ve travelled to in the Russian oligarch yacht. Menu copied from Chili’s, and beer served in the bottle.
Intelligent Life: Will these crossovers ever end?
@Sequitur: “Will these crossovers ever end?”
Bigger question: will they ever be funny?
Wary Morth:
There’s this thing called Minding Your Own Business. The two of you, and I don’t mean the foreground couple, might want to look into that some time.
Wrecks Moregone:
It would be great if Flower Shirt Man is an international spy and plans to use Mud’s songs to pass coded messages to his handlers.
At least hopefully he’ll be another con man, and a more competent one than Rene Belluso. Hey, maybe like Hannibal Lecter, Rene will be consulted in the brig by the Hankjuniors on just how to sabotage the con! Or not.
@Sequitur:
What was intelligent about that?
MW: If Mary and Dr. Jeff were actually drinking instead of just waving around empty glasses, they probably wouldn’t feel the need to come up with a narrative to defend these people. They’d storm right up to them and make a big embarrassing public scene in a misguided attempt at helping them.
@Ukulele Ike:
Re MW:
Oh please don’t make me sigh wistfully for what might have been.
MARY WORTH: Wow, Piro’s mom is doing alright for herself. Let’s hope husvand (or at least baby daddy) #7 works out!
MARY WORTH (2): Also, I stand by my claim that this whole subplot is an elaborate metaphor for Jeff and Mary’s relationship and the “six noisy kids” refers to the condo residents.
MW: Maybe that couple is not saying anything because they know that whatever they say, Mary will repeat it to Toby and everyone else in Charterstone.
BB: The purpose of a flight is to enjoy the variety of flavors and nuances offered by the libation in question rather than get hammered as quickly as possible, so I applaud Sarge for being a committed and thorough cerevisaphile. Even if it does mean the bartender now has to hammer together several flight boards on short notice.
Shoe: I mean, I’ve heard of worse ways to meet girls…
Luann – It’s like a truck full of narcissism overturned and poisoned the drinking water.
@Rube: re MW: Yeah, that’s a classy joint. I’ll bet the ketchup comes in packets, since I don’t see any bottles on the tables. Unless that’s what Jeff is drinking.
MW: Mary and Jeff might want to focus more on their odd relationship where Jeff has to buy a ridiculously large boat just to get Mary to have a meal with him, instead of acting like a pair of middle school girls gossiping in the school cafeteria.
@Rube: And the ketchup comes in packets!
BB: A “flight” is a tasting serving, provided so’s you can choose the beer you like the most. Sarge will only get a couple ounces of each, the equivalent of a few pints, which shouldn’t reduce a man of his size to a weeping drunk.
Also, beer should be considered a grain delivery system — some of us prefer to drink our bread.
Well, Sophie, except for the fire, arson charges, my marriage dissolving, losing the Mayor’s race, the Christmas Eve siege and constantly dealing with damaged children like you, things are just fabulous.
BB: flights are served in four ounce portions, which means it would take 100 ounces to serve all 25 varieties. And that equals about 6 pints. I would struggle with that but Sarge could do that.
@TheDiva: @Arabella: Wow, I oversnarked the both of you in one post! There should be some sort of special prize for that.
@Professor Well Actually: Is that right? That seems like a pretty big “taste,” considering there are places that serve 8-oz beers, and Irish/British pubs offer half-pints. I’ve only done flights of liquors, which would obviously involve much smaller glasses than beer flights.
Shoe: Loon would be less lonely with an “Open Cloaca” sign outside his house.
@Ukulele Ike: I’ve seen flights ranging from 2 oz to 8 oz. I think it all depends on the place and the size of the flight. Just don’t order the Flight 19.
RMMD: I just thought. Even if this Cameron guy is on the up and up Mud will still have to split the royalties 50/50 with Rene, who he already credited as co-writer of the new songs.
JP: Ah, poor widdle wich pwincess lost her intern gig. Wah-wah.
GA: Next time some NFL player gets his bell rung we’ll know to immediately roll him in donkey shit.
FC: Schools haven’t taught cursive writing in years so we know how old this recycled one must be.
DT: Dammit, what’s it going to take for them to realize they don’t need to keep Crankshaft around anymore?
Dustin: “I mean, you’ve made it perfectly clear that you hate me and only keep me around to feel superior about your own mediocre, inept life…”
GT: I tend to miss Thursday strips due to my job schedule, but 99% of the time it seldom matters because most serial strips proceed at the pace of continental drift. Gil Thorp, meanwhile, will just drop a bomb like “By the way Coach Hernandez speaks fluent Korean so Kwan is pitching for Valley Tech now” and expect you to keep up.
JP: Complaining about losing your job while wealthy CEOs rake in obscene bonuses hits differently when you’re doing it on the porch of your large home surrounded by several acres of private property before going to visit your thoroughbreds in the stables.
Luann: Stop trying to make “Bernice the Manic Pixie Dream Girl” happen! It’s not going to happen!
MW: This is setting up for the worst iteration of “My girlfriend and I saw you from across the bar and we really dig your vibe.”
Phantom: ….Still can’t use an arrow properly.
RMMD: Thanks to Defunctland (highly recommended for your pop culture documentary needs), I now know that the Wiggles started life as a slightly successful pop band before pivoting into children’s entertainment and building a multimedia empire. So this is actually a good move for Mud, and I look forward to his albums being played on repeat at the Morgan home and slowly driving Rex insane.
So a group of beer samples is called a “flight.” I did not know that. I’ve not done beer sampling, but have done wine tasting at events and at wineries. I think they just called them “samples.”
@76 Guillermo el chiclero:
Peanuts Begins: ROLL HER IN DONKEY SHIT! ROLL HER IN DONKEY SHIT!
@Arabella: They had to give them another name so they could charge you for them.
Sarge might be old generation (Gen X but written by Boomers) but you have to appreciate his joie de vivre! A Plugger or Dustin’s Dad would have been like “at my age we needed just one beer to have a good time!”, Sarge is like “Great, I’ll drink more!”
Pluggers: No, where pluggers eat the grease flows freely.
Sex Organ V.D. “…Would you be willing to perform in a purple dinosaur costume, Mr Mudd?” “Whatever the filly wants is fine with me .”
BB: I think that the difference is that the General likes drinking because he is very depressed and an alcoholic, while Sarge enjoys drinking just as an extension of his Epicurean approach to life. This is reflected in the choice of drink. Sarge goes for a wide selection of beers all with different tastes, while the General goes for a Martini. If anyone tells you they drink Martinis for the taste, start googling “intervention”.
Pluggers: All this time, haven’t we seen Pluggers eating in local diners, with waitresses, where the more calendars there are on the walls, the better the food is? Haven’t we seen that? But now, they’ve switched and gone to fast food outlets! Just another step in the long decline of Pluggers. Once honorable, productively employed members of their manimal society, now they’re practically wards of the state, dining on Big Macs and making tomato soup out of hot water and ketchup packets.
But now, this brings up (not begs) the question, is Crankshaft a Plugger? He eats in a diner, sort of. He has a job, which is something Pluggers used to do. He isn’t quite a manimal, but within the paradigm of the Crankiverse, I suspect he may be a grouchy retro Plugger-like being.
@Ettorre: Now, they make all kinds of variant martinis with actual flavors, because people want to say they’re drinking a martini, but they can’t stand the real thing. In fact, as you point out, a genuine martini is just the quickest way of getting a shot of gin down your neck.
@Sequitur:
Pluggers: No, where pluggers eat the grease flows freely.
___________________________
Montoni’s Pizza?
@jroggs: I have hope. This is because, despite the spotlight on Bernice yesterday, and her presumptuous flouncing onto the stage today, there is nothing in Piro’s utterance to tell us that he meant Bernice by the phrase “a light.” Looking forward to tomorrow when we learn he was talking about his therapist, and a member of the core cast gets a well deserved comeuppance.
Cascade hops? Saaz hops? Who cares just so’s it’s not that 3.2 shit!
@White Rabbit: I still maintain that an ice cold martini (including its variants, the Gibson and the Vesper) are fine drinks, to be savoured, not gulped, but I guess I won’t convince anybody who feels differently
Whew, we got the situation under control over at the Mark Trail set. Young Orson calmed down after the Bear spray, and is heading to the spa for a soak in the hot tub. We applied a liberal dose of Stupid spray to all the two-leggers, but it didn’t seem to have any effect heh heh heh Still dumb as ever….
MW: I didn’t want the scintillating dialogue here to detract from the introduction of our new, improved “Gold, the Tiny Fish in a Jar” …. premiering at the Bum Boat! Yes, this upgraded version offers even more realistic soothing, hypnotic movement … movement… movement… [SNAP] Order today and get a second one for the same price that you pay for the first one! Batteries not included … not included… not included….
@richardf8: The best beers are so dark as to allow no light in, and so thick as to be chewed. Give me an imperial stout or a porter over anything beer can see through.
@richardf8:
The problem is that last saturday, Piro told Luann “Check to see if Bernice is here. My story is about her.”
… I would have liked if it HAD turned out he was talking about Dez or Tiffany instead, but whatcha gonna do…
Beetle Bailey: Sarge is having trouble dealing with what’s been called “the paradox of choice,” in which someone is faced with too many options and can’t decide what to do. Which is not what you want to see in a military leader, but whatever.
Shoe: If you spent time at Roz’s Existential Lunch Counter — which has no food, plates, utensils, napkins, or cash registers, and “serves” nothing but empty water glasses — you’d be depressed too.
Blondie: It’s sad enough to lose your dog — but living with her ghost, as Dagwood is apparently doing now, must be absolutely terrifying.
@Guillermo el chiclero: Re FC – Schools also waited until second grade to introduce cursive writing. Dolly is five years old. I doubt that she’s a genius who skipped a couple of grades.
MW – Sitting at dinner and ignoring each other is just one of this couple’s endearing quirks.
Frazz – However, if you run for nine or ten hours you can burn off those calories. Have I mentioned that I’m a runner?
Pluggers – He’ll take home a handful of packets and feel smug about the money he saved on ketchup.
Last Kiss – Just go out to the graveyard behind the church and boink on one of the gravestones. Duh.
Speed Bump – Yuck.
@I speak Jive: Re FC: Dolly was probably taught cursive by HTT Grandma, since that lazy Thel doesn’t care about proper standards of penmanship.
@White Rabbit: #85 Regarding this: “this brings up (not begs)” — thank you.
@BigTed: Well, in an absolutely incompetent military commander whose every decision would probably bring out a strategic, operational, and tactical debacle – and I’m thinking Sarge and Halftrack here – maybe decision paralysis is a good thing. We don’t need another Lloyd Fredendall, Edward Almond, or James Ledlie.
@TheDiva, JP: Coach Luke got fluent by watching hours of cute Korean kitten videos, all subtitled.
@95 I speak Jive: Dolly skipping a grade? Oh. My. God. The thought is so hilarious. I’d better hie myself to the toi-toi now before I laugh myself to incontinence. Seriously, that’s some funny shit.
GA: How can Joel consider letting that filthy creature sleep on his property? Won’t Becky mind?
Loon’s attempt to operate a brothel was a predictable failure.
@Voshkod: I am very disappoint. IPA and Belgians are clearly—clearly!—the best beer.
@Anonymous: Maybe we can hope for “I thought she was my light, but then when I kissed her, she ‘felt nothing’ and ghosted me. I spiraled into crack addiction, and only now am recovered enough to go to a no standards junior college. SCREW YOU, BERNICE!!”
Seriously, though, doesn’t this seem like stuff that should be going into a therapy journal, not into a highly graded creative writing project that is being read for the public?
@pastordan: I won’t turn my nose up at a good Belgian beer, or a nice sour, but IPAs have nothing to offer, in my (ever-humble) opinion.
Beetle Bailey: 25 beers, even small ones, are too many at one sitting!
Gasoline Alley: Stupid people eat hay.
Shoe: Depressed birds poop on their own cars, not yours.
@Voshkod: IPAs have nothing to offer
Except, that is, when I have a hankering for the taste of grapefruit juice or Pine-Sol.
Beetle Bailey: Honestly, yeah, I expected this to be free samples at an ice cream shop. Outside of Sarge having cans of beer in his barracks, he never pulls a Halftrack and goes to a bar.
@Voshkod: True… but while not making a decision is one thing, deciding on “a little of everything” is the first step toward losing the war (against drunkenness and/or the enemy) with maximum damage.
@Voshkod: As a chef once told me, it really comes down to if you prefer malt (chocolate or caramel flavors) or hops (fruit or sour flavors). I do agree that the occasional big boozy Imperial Stout is a treat.
Beat Up Bailey: Sarge’s regular brand is MacArthur’s Own™: The beer that returns beer after beer
@BigTed: @Voshkod: Currently reading Alastair Horne’s The Price of Glory: Verdun 1916. There were quite a few top officers in the German and French armies suffering that particular syndrome.
@jroggs: LUANN: It’s a comfortingly familiar tale, mostly because this strip did literally this exact same plot with Bernice and Nil a few months ago.
Oh god, remember how Nil said that the time he invited Bernice to his art show (and she spent the whole time making bitchy comments about everything she saw) was the best night of his life? Well luckily you don’t need to remember, I’ll just show you:
https://www.gocomics.com/luann/2021/05/21
Seriously, how bad does your life have to suck for that to be the highlight? And why does Karen Evans think Bernice is such a catch anyway? Reminds me of when Gene Roddenberry was convinced that Wesley Crusher was the best character ever. Or for a comic strip example, Anthony from For Better or for Worse.
GA: Is amnesia even a big deal if your head was empty to begin with? It’s not like Rufus had much knowledge to forget (though unlike Joel who’s strangely portrayed as the smarter of the two, at least Rufus can friggin’ read.)
@Chance: #14
Rufus: “More zippers, mule!!” *hic*
Becky: responds with a swift kick from her hind leg
@Baja Gaijin: #101
I think the logical and compassionate next step for Dolly is an apprenticeship at a sheltered workshop. Just skip school altogether.
@Voshkod: @pastordan: I used to be a hardcore stout drinker while not liking IPAs at all. Seasons change, and now I distinctly prefer the sharp flavor of IPAs over the richness of stout, probably complementing my developing affection for spicy ryes and smoky peated whiskies, perhaps as well finding that entry-level beverage in the genre after being turned off earlier by unwelcomingly too-hoppy earlier samplings.
The Barn: A jab at the Twitter bird by a duck?
Boondocks reruns: I like Huey but Riley gets stuff done instead of mooning about like Hamlet. “All progress depends on the unreasonable man.” — Shaw
Dustin: What the hell happens to his eyes in the third panel? Or even the second for that matter.
Luann: Huh? Isn’t she Cyclops’s muse?
@Garrison Skunk: “Sarge’s regular brand is MacArthur’s Own™: The beer that returns beer after beer.”
I thought it just faded away.
@jroggs: The overly hopped IPA is certainly a drag. I’m fortunate to be within walking distance of two local breweries, so between them I can usually find something more interesting than pure bitter.
Let me know when Marciuliano wakes up from the coma.
@Baja Gaijin: COTY!
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: As Dave Barry once put it, a beer connoisseur merely “slugs it down and looks for more.”
The art in Gasoline Alley definitely makes it look like he’s just colossally drunk, you shouldn’t need to read Gasoline Alley every day to follow what’s happening. (You shouldn’t need to read _any_ comic strip _every_ day to follow them but apparently the soap opera strips firmly disagree with this.)
@jroggs: Not much for peaty whisky, but I do like me a good rye. Actually prefer it to straight-up bourbon.
C-Shaft: Ah, so it was a nice weather thing. My first guess would have been a “Don’t let Crankshaft pick up my kid” thing.
GA: First-time readers—should Gasoline Alley be so blessed as to have any—might think that Rufus is just extremely drunk here, but such is not the case. He may be an idiot, but he’s a wholesome idiot.
Slylick Fox and Comix For Kinx: Why did the duck cross the road? Because the crossing guard bunny stopped the traffic.
GA: How can Rufus not be drunk? He’s holdin’ th’ jug!
Gassed Up Alleycats: Cant wait till Joel starts to retrain Rufus’ memory……”See that mule,out yander? That’s Becky,you’re married to her.” “Kill me now!” “Cant. No one ever dies here.” “Darn!”
@1 Baja Gaijin:
When Marvin grows up he’ll have a band named Explosive Diarrhea.
They’ll probably play real shitty.
@Sequitur: Definitely.
BB: Wait, the bartender just held up his four-fingered hand as if it had 25 fingers on it and Sarge didn’t catch it. Doesn’t that mean he’s had enough?
DT: Haven’t been on a lot of police busts but how many cops talk about criminals like wrestling announcers do about guys in the ring?
HtH: They call it the Dark Ages because that’s when Hagar hit rock bottom.
JP: “Oh, right. I just remembered that we are those people and losing the internship will have no effect on me. Back to you.”
Luann/RMMD: Fergus “Artist Formerly Known as Mud Mountain” Murphy and his agent search comb through his contract with the streaming kids’ show for an escape clause when he finds out he’ll be collaborating with Piro. Of course his agent isn’t much use here, being Buck and all.
S4th: Not to be a spoilsport, but it would seem they’re not aging in general, or else they’d be noticeably older than Hil.
@richardf8: #89: The breweries quit making 3.2 beer a couple of years ago. It was only made to accommodate states that had duel (18/21) drinking ages for low-powered and high-powered beer. Ohio was like that when I was growing up. A lot of jurisdictions also had laws against selling liquor on Sundays. That’s why 3.2 was also known as Sunday beer. The weird thing is most light beers aren’t much stronger, running 3.8-4.0% in alcohol volume.
@White Rabbit: #86: More like two shots of gin, or at least the way I make them.
@I speak Jive: #95: I remember when I was in 2nd grade I couldn’t wait to learn to read and write in cursive because then I could finally read the Babar the Elephant books, which were printed in cursive.
@Guillermo el chiclero: If it’s not double-digit ABV, is it worth drinking?
Off topic but NFL great Jim Brown died yesterday at age 87. RIP
LUANN: I knew the chosen prose would be just ghastly. I hate being right all the time.