Dads and sads
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Blondie, 6/16/24
Even in a recurring narrative, it can be difficult to accommodate the full network of an average person’s social relations into the story, which is why every workplace sitcom that runs for any length of time ends up landing on “all these coworkers actually hang out together constantly outside of work too.” Still, it is kind of odd that we’ve never heard Blondie or Dagwood, who can’t be older than their mid 50s and may be quite a bit younger, ever talk about any of their parents. This implies that they either died young or that they’re estranged, so maybe Dagwood whipping himself into manic glee over the thought that Mr. Dithers serves as an abusive surrogate father figure is an attempt to deflect their conversation from sensitive emotional territory. On the other hand, the fact that Dithers is actually coming over, and the fact that he looks not that different from Dagwood’s father from the Jazz-era strips, hints at an even darker storyline here.
Hi and Lois, 6/16/24
Honestly, mad respect to Hi and Lois for following up on the kids’ decision last month to combine the parent holidays into a single convenient unit. Hi thought they were doing a bit, but they weren’t, and it’s funny because he feels really bad about it!
Mary Worth, 6/16/24
Imagine you got invited to a surprise party, and you’re like, “Oh, is it a surprise birthday party?” and the host says, “No, actually, it’s a surprise fish funeral.” What sort of crowd could you get for that? Well, the answer is “Saul and Eve, who as far as I know haven’t really interacted with Wilbur but are a little pet-mad so they’re game, and Toby and Ian, who probably don’t have a lot else going on.” It does not include Dr. Jeff, who has found the limits to his dignity, and is presumably sullenly waiting in the cabin of his boat, wearing a disguise of some sort in case any of his real friends walk by.
191 replies to “Dads and sads”
Arlo and Janis: As usual, the best depiction of Father’s Day on the comics page. Poignant yet not maudlin nor the typical trite cliché’s of so many of the strips that’ve honored fathers today.
Mary Worth Mashups: The final panel wasn’t surprising. How about these three modified final panels?
MW:
It’s ironic that roday’s quote author’s big hit is “Get Some,” because I’m confident that none of today’s featured characters gets any.
Blondie: Dithers is trying to make sure that those 23&Me results were just a cruel trick from the universe.
H&L: It’s Father’s Day so the kids gave their presents to their real father, Thirsty.
MW: Oh, what a surprise. Mary has gathered up
the people who won’t sue her for threatening to evict them if they don’t attend this stupid eventpeople who truly care about Wilbur and his fish. What a lucky guy.…Seriously, this is way too much effort for people of this age bracket to put into a goldfish funeral. Even that ugly little troll doll on Full House didn’t demand that they throw a funeral for the fish that she killed.
@Baja Gaijin: The best character needs to make more appearances because she’s the only one who knows how much of a waste of space Wilbur is and treats him accordingly.
MW-“Mary coerced us into caring about you, Wilbur.”
Blondie-And if Dithers doesn’t get a Father’s Day gift from Dagwood he’ll beat him on the spot.
MW:
“Friends and neighbors, your presence here has produced a serenity and calmness in me, a serenity that defined the Roland Winters character in Winters’ most famous recurring role and caused Winters himself to comment on it in a way that would be especialky suitable for today’s Sunday quote, given today’s holiday.”
“No. Don’t say it, Wilbur.”
“Yep. The mild is father to the Chan!”
Blondie: I’m glad that we have those throwaway panels, because with them we know the exact moment the edibles kicked in.
H&L: Lois looks shocked that Hi wants father’s day back, probably because for ‘Parent’s Day’ just just fucked off to the golf course, and he generally does that whenever he wants.
MW: I know it has nothing to do with this strip at all, but I can’t stop laughing at the idea of a ‘surprise funeral’. “Surprise! Aunt Beth died! …Oh, last Tuesday….Complications from diabetes, I think? Hold on, it’s in the obit…”
RMMD;
It’s a bit surprising that none of the background observers have intervened to assist Parker, given the “gray” matter they all appear to possess.
I love how Mary is trying to convince Wilbur that he has people who care about him by inviting people who have either barely interacted with him or who Wilbur has shown mockery or contempt towards in the case of Saul. We don’t see his exes or their partners or pets and of course no Dawn because she’s fallen into a wormhole where Wilbur forgot that she exists due to her not being a goldfish or an eligible woman that he can try to fuck.
Blondie: Um, Josh, the original premise of the strip is that Dagwood is estranged from his parents because he married Blondie, who they considered to be beneath his station in society. Over the almost a century that the strip has been in existence, this aspect has been almost entirely dropped and I don’t know if Dagwood and his parents ever reconciled. If you remember that, this particular strip comes off as a sad clown moment, with Dagwood’s over-the-top antics as he says a not particularly funny set of lines being about him trying to convince himself that he’s fine, completely fine, and has absolutely no kind of issues or trauma associated with his terrible progenitors and is definitely not thinking about Dithers’s comments in order to avoid thinking about said issues.
Widow: My husband passed away just a few days ago.
(Walks into her empty house, when suddenly her entire family jumps out from behind the furniture)
Family: SURPRISE!!!!
Widow: What…? WHAT!? A surprise party for a grieving widow on the day of her husband’s funeral? Where did you learn such a disrespectful act?
Family member: We got it from Mary Worth. (Shows her the strip for 6/16/24)
(The widow tears up the comic into shreds and tells her family to get out)
B. Bailey: In his strangest kink yet, Sarge has his flunkies tie Beetle up and dress him in a keffiyeh.
“A loaf of bread, a jug of wine —and thou.”
Josh? There is a lot of suspension of disbelief in the world, but I will NOT accept that you never knew of Dagwood’s parents disowning him because he wanted to marry a ditzy flapper, and was cut out of his wealthy family’s fortune because of it..
I mean, it’s cemented Blondie lore (regardless if its been retconned/ignored since) but also I’m certain that you mentioned it on this blog many times in the past.
MW: Yay! All the people who are unfamiliar with Wilbur’s previous obnoxious attempts to tease or outright fake his death are here! They won’t be next time!
CS: Do you love your dad? Well, he’s going to die. Soon. Happy Father’s Day!
JP: Uh… uniting two brothers and their parents is romantic drama? You good, Sophie?
@The Rambling Otter:
Blondie 6/16/21 (literally three years ago)
Josh said this…
“Speaking of comic book time, a thing that I like to occasionally dwell on is that in the origins of this strip, Blondie was a notorious flapper and Dagwood the heir to a family fortune who was slumming in the same scenes as her in the roaring ’20s, but he gave his inheritance up when he married her and since then they’ve slowly become generic middle-class suburbanites.
Their histories forgotten. I always think it’d be fun to call back to that now and then, though obviously due to the passage of time that specific history now no longer makes sense, so here’s my proposal for a reboot: occasional flashbacks to Blondie and Dagwood, drug-addled New York City club kids in the late ’80s/early ’90s, you’re welcome everybody. Oh, and Dagwood was fucking Blondie’s roommate behind her back, I guess.”
@jroggs: In Sophie’s defense, it’s romantic in Alabama or Jerry Springer.
@2 Baja Gaijin:
Yea! Libby! Libby! Libby! And Deputy Duck?
MW: The Ian that first met Wilbur in 1993 wouldn’t be at this party unless it was to mock him.
“Hey Wilbur. I heard we’re having fish ‘n chips. Yummy!”
[Aside to Toby] “You still wanna fuck this guy?” (snerk)
Fred Basset Spanish to English.
@jroggs:
On Crankshaft’s imminent death and how that’s a pretty dark message for Father’s Day : Only a SINGLE panel is dedicated to Crankshaft being a dad, unless that panel with his lover is from when she was his wife and expecting, rather than when they were just dating before they married.
So it’s possible this comic teasing that Ed Crankshaft will soon thankfully die
(hopefully violently)running on Father’s Day is a coincidence.VS Luann : another strip that it’s not clear if the people behind it realised this would run on Fathers’ Day, or if the “aren’t kids the worst? Don’t you regret having the little brats!?” sentiment is how the Evans chose to celebrate.
MW: “Dress up and go to the funeral of a fish belonging to a man who’s never done one single thing for me, OR have Mary Worth blab all of my deepest, darkest secrets? Nah, I’m sleeping in.”
RMMD: Trying to imagine how Rex will figure into this. Unauthorized bully lobotomy? Or have June slam him up against a wall?
H&L: Lois would have ended up doing all the Fathers Day work, so she’s pretending she never heard that last part.
Blondie: Most pro forma throwaway panels ever.
@Hibbleton: “Well, in ten years, you’ll be happy to have him around when I trade you in for a younger model, my dear. Now go back to your paint thinner.”
MW: I’m beginning to think that thing we all thought was a purple cowl-neck blouse is actually part of Mary’s anatomy, like what those collared lizards have. Weird. At least it still works under that dress.
MW – Fish funeral? Are these folks going to be pissed when they find out this was only a scheme to get them to come to an Amway presentation.
Yes, Wilbur, the fish endured countless times having to listen you talk about your life. Now, think about how this might be affecting your relationships with human be–
*Mary and friends enter to attend goldfish funeral*
Never mind.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Amway presentation? Are these folks going to be pissed when they find out this was only a scheme to get them to come to a fish funeral.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: An Amway presentation might be preferable in this case.
@Banana Jr. 6000: Good point. Which would be worse?
Luann – A quick glance at the first panel made me think Toni was giving B-Wad a hand job. I assumed that the bent apparatus she has a death grip on resembles B-Wad’s schwantz.
@The Rambling Otter says:
Josh? There is a lot of suspension of disbelief in the world, but I will NOT accept that you never knew of Dagwood’s parents disowning him because he wanted to marry a ditzy flapper, and was cut out of his wealthy family’s fortune because of it. —Now excuse me while I go back to editing the Star Trek Canon page on wikipedia.
Blondie: Bill Watterson strongly argued against the practice of newspapers cutting off the top rows of comics as an assault on the artistic integrity of the medium. As such, Blondie devoting its “throwaway panels” to a slow motion time lapse of Dagwood blinking feels like a targeted insult towards Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes, and the very concept of art.
MW: Ian is there? IAN? Come on, Ian doesn’t attend any event unless there’s likely to be precocious sophomore coeds. The only way he’s going to a funeral for Wilbur’s goldfish is if he’s convinced a Dawn is a bereaved art student with daddy issues who needs to boost her GPA.
MW: Maybe this whole story has been a set-up for a planned intervention for Toby.
Blondie – Julius lives for gazing at Blondie’s perfect boobs – best Father’s Day ever….
H&L – Whine Like A Baby Day….
MW – Even you, Chin-Beard! I’m truly rich in supporting characters….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
Saul brought his dog and Wilbur has a dead fish. Time for the funniest thing ever!
Fred Basset Spanish to English #2.
Jeff is in Wilbur’s apartment, killing the other fish. He is NOT repeating this charade in a couple of months!
Blondie: The joke’s on both of them. Dithers is Daisy’s father!
HnL: This is one of the last comic strips I expected to get so grimdark.
MW: Four Weddings and a Fish Funeral
Frazz: In panel 6, Frazz misspoke. He meant to say, “That’s asinine.” Hopefully, they’ll fix that error in the collected edition.
Luann: It looks like we’re getting Immortan Joe’s origin story.
CS: What an odd way to portray the degradation of one’s hearing as they get older.
9CL: Yeah, it wouldn’t surprise me that every pet owner in this formless universe would have forgotten their pets’ names.
MW: “Awwww, a surprise funeral party! You guyyyy-yyyys!”
RMMD: Unable to tolerate any more of his noxious behavior, Beanpole dispatches bully boy with the Fists O’ Justice.
JP: Yep, on the list of people you can trust to fix things, Neddy is near the top. Yessiree, right up there.
Peanuts Begins: They must have been playing tag because Charlie Brown is IT!
Zits: This is a sincerely poignant strip. I don’t have any snark.
FC: Billy shouldn’t quit his day job. I’m going to assume “furry boat” lost its original meaning.
@9 pugfuggly: on Blondie: I didn’t notice that on first read. Good catch!
@16 jroggs: on Crankshaft: Wow, that’s seriously dark.
@31 Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Why the Hell are you thinking about B-Wad’s schwantz? Now you got me thinking about it. My life was wonderful without bringing B-Wad’s schwantz into it.
@Baja Gaijin: I like colander man, but he’s going to pay for breaking in to Mary’s condo.
Blondie: So, does Julius Dithers actually have any children? Have we ever seen them or heard them mentioned? Are the Dithers kids estranged from their Dad, which is why Julius is “celebrating” Father’s Day with Dagwood instead of with his own family? Did this come about when Julius Jr., the heir to Dithers Construction Company, tried to stage a board-room coup to take over the firm from his Dad, and he failed? Or did Julius Jr. get fed up with the rat race, dropped out of the workday world and is now a ne’er-do-well drifter who has been disinherited by his Dad? Discuss. (Or better yet, don’t.)
MW – They’re not there for the fish funeral. Mary promised them there would be Poutine and Beer on the yacht afterwards.
HtH – And apparently Hagar took Helga to the Bum Boat on their Honeymoon?!?!
@48 richardf8: “Poutine and beer” in Mary’s sphere of influence? HA! It’ll be salmon squares and carrot muffins.
@49 richardf8: Hägar definitely asked for the “bum boat” on his honeymoon with Helga.
Blondie: Later, Dagwood reflects on the day’s events: “Well, that worked out just fine. Dithers won’t ask me to work on Sunday if I’m stoned to the gills.”
@richardf8: Poutine is considered too “exotic” for known teetotaler Mary Worth.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX:
Luann – A quick glance at the first panel made me think Toni was giving B-Wad a hand job…
Hard to think what “TJ, go turn off the water main” means as a sexual euphemism unless, perhaps, she’s giving Brad a high colonic at the same time.
Blondie – The television died and was taken away. Dagwood’s chair died and turned into a ghost. Those fates aren’t so bad. The real horror is that Blondie’s sudoku puzzle died and was reincarnated as a tablet.
Don Abundio, translated:
“Boss, I want to make connections in the business world”
“Could you take me golfing with you sometime?”
“Of course, my dear!”
“Club, please!”
Dagwood’s father, of course, was a millionaire who disinherited him when he married Blondie.
Wilbur’s about to face The Mary Worth Posse who confronted Aldo years ago! (They’ll tell him “You’d better not!”)
MW: The night before:
“Ye want me to put on a monkey suit and be at Mary’s apartment at 8:45 on a Sunday morn? Are ye daft?”
“Ian, I think Mary’s getting a little tired of our drunken screaming matches every Friday night. We better placate her.”
“Well arrighht, but Weston will pay for this. He’ll pay or my name’s not Ian Angus Kinnear McTavish Cameron. Aye, he’ll rue the day!”
“That’s nice dear. Open a new bottle, willya?”
**Blondie**: You know it’s a zombie strip when the characters get more laughs than the readers do.
MW: I think this is the first surprise Fish Funeral in history. I’ll give the strip this – when this arc started with Wilbur bombing out on a first date I never suspected we would end up here
I’d like to think that in the group someone is whispering “When you said the funeral was for Wilbur I thought you meant he was dead.”
MW – This is a “choose your own adventure” story gone horribly wrong.
MW: I guessed correctly. All of Wilbur’s friends who don’t actually like are on hand for the funeral
. Now they need to go to the karaoke bar.
CS: is this foreshadowing that time is running out for Crankshaft?
MW: “If you put a frog in boiling water, it’ll jump straight out. If you put it in cold water and gradually bring it to the boil, it’ll sit right there until it dies.”
I keep thinking this story can’t get any more bizarre, and with each day’s strip, Moy and Brigman keep proving me wrong. And yet I keep reading it. I’m like that frog that’s been put into a pot of cool water on the stove, and Moy and Brigman are gently turning up the heat, bringing it to a simmering boil. Gad. By the end of the summer, this is going to seem like normal behavior. Who the fuck gets all dressed up for a surprise funeral party (“Yay! Surprise!”) and burial at sea from an expensive yacht, all for a stupid goldfish??? I mean, other than the residents of Charterstone? Why isn’t Wilbur in an asylum?
@Johnny Q: GMTA … my first reaction to seeing the last panel was “are they going to meddle Wilbur to death as Mary & friends previously did to Aldo Kelrast?”
@Charterstoned: Charterstone is an asylum when you consider that Ian has ephebophilic tendencies (he seems to delight in treating his much younger wife as though she were a child), Toby has possible substance abuse problems, Saul has a weird obsession with animals, Eve is an agoraphobic doormat, Dawn is a nymphomaniac with daddy issues, Wilbur is a narcissistic manchild, and Mary is the worst by far: she thinks she’s helping them all with her meddling when she herself is a heavily delusional narcissist who thinks she’s still in the 1950s.
@Baja Gaijin: She promised poutine and beer. The salmon squares and carrot muffins are what will come out when Stellan has been tossed into the water for the sharks that were promised Wilbur. It’s a real bait-and-switch operation she’s running here.
What she promised Jeff and what she will deliver is left as an exercise for the reader.
MW: I remember Toby sneering at Olf Man Wynter for gieving about the death of his previous dog. Why is she participating in this farce?
@DAS: Technically Aldo wasn’t meddled to death; he was constantly trying to cross boundaries that Mary set up when he wouldn’t stop obsessing over her and when confronted with an intervention led by Wilbur, he went into denial and subsequently drunk himself to avoid his problems which led to his death. He was basically responsible for his own death because he decided to not get the help he needed. And now several years later, Wilbur is in the same position but is instead enabled and indulged by Mary as long as he’s harassing women who aren’t her.
MW: “Hello, Social Services? My name is June…no I’d rather not give my last name…I’m worried about my friend Karen. Well, it’s hard to explain, but she’s written some really odd and disturbing things lately. Could you send someone to check on her? She’s a nice woman but sometimes I worry.”
Pluggers – So many questions. The dog and the chicken have a kid? And it inherited all of the dog’s genetic material? Was it a live birth or was it hatched from an egg? What would sex between a chicken and a dog look like? So many questions.
Best Father’s Day strips today: Zits and Arlo and Janis.
Blondie: The link Josh included to an older Blondie comic genuinely shook me with how much better the art was back then. Maybe Dagwood is having a manic episode less because of the thought of Dithers being his dad and more at horror over the fact that he and his wife used to look like actual human beings instead of AI-generated clip art.
Hi And Lois: It’s really starting to feel like this comic noticed that Funky Winkerbean ended and thus has decided to try and take up it’s mantle as “the weirdly depressing and melancholic comic where everyone is just kinda miserable all the time”.
Mary Worth: Unfortunately for Wilbur, this “funeral” was actually just an elaborate excuse to get him into position for the building’s annual blood sacrifice to the Elder Gods. His schlubby meat shall sate dread Cthulhu for many a trine.
Happy Fathers’ Day, everyone!
Whether or not we knew him, we each had a biological father and also probably several social fathers (teachers, coaches, uncles). And if you believe in a Creator God as I do, we also have a spiritual father. So everyone can celebrate!
PEANUTS:. Love the wistfulness for father’s unknown or deceased. Those fathers still matter.
MW:. A surprise funeral! Just the thing. Congrats to all who predicted it. But wish Willa could have attended in those fancy widow weeds Sid bought her.
@59 Professor Fate: Who said, “When you said the funeral was for Wilbur I thought you meant he was dead”? Click to find out.
PS: I love this far more than the three mashups I did for today’s strip. Thanks, Prof!
Mary Worth – Rex Morgan has something to say. “Many years ago I treated a drug overdose with smelling salts. I was given an award for the stupidest thing ever to happen in the comics. Now you are having a full-blown funeral for a goldfish that belonged to an adult, and this funeral instantly cured the adult’s severe depression. Congratulations. I pass the crown to you.”
JP – Instead of discussing with Declan how he feels about his family, Neddy suddenly takes it upon herself to make them all a big happy family again. She has given no thought to any issues Declan may have with anger or feelings of abandonment and/or resentment.
Sometimes estrangement is the best solution. A reconciliation engineered by a self absorbed person with no empathy will not end well.
Arlo & Janis – Another vote for the most moving Father’s Day tribute in the comics.
9CL – Yeah, the entire Van Hoesen family are so narcissistic that they can’t be bothered to remember their dog’s name.
Pluggers – Pluggers are the only ones who love and respect their father.
@62 Charterstoned: I don’t know about the frogs where you live but when I put a frog in a pot of water, it jumps out immediately, assuming it can reach the rim. They don’t just sit there like
Snuffy Smitha bump on a log.@65 richardf8: Disappointments all around in Santa Royale on this Father’s Day.
MW: Toby is just there for the open bar.
@Needless Exposition:
#4. MW:. If W was really so broken up over Stellans death, why didn’t he get an autopsy? Did S starve to death, was he sick, was the water Lethal? Was S bored to death?
Honestly I think “Blondie” could use the shake up that reintroducing her side of the family would provide, a-la bringing back Barney Google or getting Jon and Liz together.
Not that those two examples paid off massively in the long run, but at least they made an effort to shake up old dinosaurs.
@Activist 1234: Considering that Wilbur bragged about getting food for his fish at least twice in this storyline, I’m willing to bet that his “son” died of overeating.
MW: At least this is kind of funny by virtue of how utterly baffling it is. Surprise fish funeral? Okay, sure, why not?
DT: “Luckily Mr Borden already had this bobblehead of our only Borg player, so he didn’t notice anything amiss!”
FC: I … guess “furry boat” is “ferry boat”, and I spent way too long on “farmer’s all-man act” before I got it was “almanac”. And the ones I got straight away were even stupider!
MW: I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I miss Classic Chinbeard. Sure, he was an obnoxious, patronising jerk, but he directed this contempt at the other characters, who were also terrible. Now he’s going along with this?
Pluggers: If there’s one constant in Pluggerdom, it’s a son’s respect for his father! Don’t ask why none of our named characters were available for this one!
RMMD: Well, yes, that’s literally how bullying works, Corey.
Robbed of their free will by Mary’s mind control muffins, the cast of Charterstone gathers as enablers to Wilbur’s mad scheme. Mary inwardly gloats with delight as she anticipates finally crushing the will to live in Wilbur as his “burial at sea” aborts into Stellan floating on top of the water while a seagull swoops down and instantly devours his corpse. Can’t wait to see that!
@Baja Gaijin: Poor Ian needs to get back to his snarky, blustering self to insert at least some kind of sanity in this situation. The last time we saw him, he was so ridiculously mellow to the crazy bitch who was bullying his child bride because she was salty about how she got too old for Ian.
MW: Wilbur is correct about one thing: anyone forced to endure his crap deserves to be sent off with dignity. Unfortunately, Wilbur will be at Stella’s funeral, so THAT ship has sailed (and hopefully Jeff’s boat as well, but we all know he’ll be ready with USS Marytookmyballs in the water )
MW: An open casket funeral at sea, with mourners in black! This is really first class, and I’m expecting that Saul is a minister in the Universal Life Church, so he’ll be able to supply some words of comfort to Wilbur, perhaps reminding him that he’ll be able to see his finny pal again in the life that is to come, and it can’t be too soon. I certainly expect that a fisherman of Mary’s wide circle of friends has supplied a sinker for the casket to speed it on its way to whatever sea creature eats goldfish. They’ve chosen appropriate music (“Funeral March for a Marionette”) and a passage from Izaak Walton to read, I’m sure.
MW: What would be really AWESOME is if Stellan opened his lids and actually answered Wilbur. Of course, that would obviate the need for the seance Mary has planned as part of this celebration, so that Wilbur can communicate with Stellan from beyond the watery grave. Not sure what I’d like to see more: Mary’s funeral extravaganza being spoiled by the corpse coming back to life, or Stellan revealing the secrets of the deep.
Dick Tracy: Ah, the old camera-in-the-eyeball trick.
@Baja Gaijin: I liked #3, but I would’ve preferred the “2 men with a straitjacket” meme.
Crankshaft: Death.
Pluggers:
Son: Happy Father’s Day!
Dad: Who are you?
@The Rambling Otter: Banned in 3…2…1.
@Baja Gaijin. #1
I was just about to say the same thing, Baja. My dad was a WW2 veteran (USMC) and today’s strip brought tears to my eyes.
MW: Sid, AGAIN with the Doves o’ Love? Or are those seagulls waiting for their chance to grab Stellan from his flower-bedecked casket as they process from Charterstone to the limos waiting in the funeral cortège? Are they flying the Missing Fish Formation? There are a lot of mixed messages today, but I’ve got to hand it to you. Your clients are doing a great job in their roles, whether flying in a coordinated salute, respectfully participating in the somber event even to wearing an appropriate black neckerchief, or just lying limp and dead in a box (I guess rigor mortis has passed, after—how long has this nonsense been going on, three weeks?).
One question, though. Did Stellan leave a will?
@Weaselboy: My money is on Chin-Beard, in the commode, with the lead pipe….
@C’mon:
For calling out Josh making a mistake?
Keep in mind, I’m not saying “Oooh, Josh’s mind is going” or anything terrible like that.
If Josh was to ban me for simply correcting him, that would have to be the pettiest reason to ban someone I’ve ever heard of.
“Your name would be Blondie Dithers! HAR HAR HAR!” Are you sure that’s as ridiculous as you think it is, Dagwood Bumstead?
***
Did Hi go on a bender for a couple of days in anticipation of Father’s Day? He looks a lot less rough waking up for Parents’ Day.
***
“You’ve endured countless times having to listen to me talk about my life…” Uh, has it been established yet how Stellan died yet? I’m just saying it could have been by his own fin.
MW: A finstastic corpse shot close-up of Stellan today! He’s really killing this role! Of course he has the hidden water bottle attached to a gill for these outta water shots. We were able to remove the small heater we used for the freezer door scenes.
And “surprise” guest appearances from Max and Greta! As well as the DOL back on their game doing a rare “quadro” routine – we found a replacement for DaisyDove who flew the coop with that European TurtleDove, though I predict she’ll be back when they run outta scratch…
Thanks to Baja for that quintessential head shot of Libby! I know all her fans crave a glance of her now and then to know she’s OK.. She and Pierre and Odin, too, are anxious to get a storyline again – but I don’t think Estelle will be attending the Stellan memorial.
Got the message that the Seagulls o’ Soap Opera wouldn’t be needed for a while yet, so when they left Judge Parker this morning they decided to take a side trip to Santa Catalina Island, It’s only twenty-six miles across the sea…..
9CL – Even the dogs in this strip are pretentious and condescending.
It takes a lot to ruin a strip that starts with “oh, look, it’s a cute doggie!” but Brooke took that challenge out for a walk, let it off the leash, and watched it piss right down his leg.
Good dog!!!!
MW: I wish Keith Hillend had been invited to this gathering. Granted, he’s never met Wilbur, but he seems to me to be the sort of guy who would punch Wilbur in the face as soon as they were introduced, just on general principles.
H&L: A depressed Hi says “Screw it” and goes next door to get hammered with Thirsty.
Blondie: No, Dag, he’ll be dropping by to give you a damn good whacking.
CS: Batty’s heart-warming Father’s Day message: “We’re all going to die.”
Frazz: Obnoxious Little Shit never runs out of things to whine about. Today bleat is, “Money sucks.”
@31 Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Which would be worse?
I view it this way: “which would be more offensive?”
Multi-level sales schemes are notorious for encouraging the recruitment of friends and family into the scheme. It’s insulting to be baited by a friend into attending such an event. But it’s a common kind of rudeness you could understand. You might even be a little sympathetic.
On the other hand: a goldfish funeral? Really? A cat or dog would be one thing. I’d support any friend who felt the need to mourn a family pet. I know that feeling, and there’s nothing unhealthy about it in principle. But a goldfish? Goldfish aren’t capable of showing emotion. And they don’t live very long, so it was going to die soon anyway. It raises immediate questions about who would need such an event. Wilbur isn’t a special needs individual. Being asked to attend this event would make me feel like I’m enabling a mentally unhealthy person.
Of the two, I think I’d choose the Amway presentation. At least I’d know how to deal with it.
@100 Cleveland Mocks:
Piggies by The Beatles
@99 seismic-2:
FG: I’ve decided that, obnoxious skullduggery aside, I really like Prince Vultan — he’s so damn jolly. In another ten years he’ll be playing Wingy Santa for his dozens of illegitimate grandchildren.
Hey, by skipping ALL the Mary Worth comments, I read over a hundred posts in ten minutes flat! Have I mentioned my hearty distaste for our slow avalanche into an all-Mary Worth comics blog? Did you know Wilbur likes mayonnaise?
@richardf8:
Got the reference!
@97 Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!:
Sid, get ready for next Sunday. You’ll need the Butterflies of Beauty.
@104 Ukulele Ike:
Ike, you got to remember that this blog started because Josh wanted to comment on Mary Worth.
Starting with this one.
@Sequitur: I like raspberry cheesecake, but I don’t eat six pieces a day.
@Charterstoned: Belated kudos for the script you sent to Willa @y25! Now everyone can see whatta great actress she is when she has quality material! I think this will be remembered when the annual Flipper awards are given out for best Aquatic acting and panel-writing!
Of course she’s disappointed this scene wasn’t made part of the “official” narrative. In fact, she seems to be summarily neglected by The Ladies! And rumors are floating that Wilbur will be encouraged to get a “new” Goldfish so she “won’t be lonely”! That would be an outrage! Stellan is irreplaceable – unless they hire him to play the new Fish…..
I’m not sure Stellan left a will – that could add a whole other layer of drama! Maybe he specified that Willa not re-marry….
PV: “Val kneels beside the fallen captain and smiles as he begins to twist the embedded sword”.
Holy Sadism, Batman!
Calm down, Valiant.
It’s only a Singing Sword you’re after.
It’s not like your freakin’ goldfish died.
“Jeff and I realized we’d need more mussels to push you overboard,Willburp.”
Will anyone in the Surprise Funeral party accidently tell Willburp that what he sees as a fish corpse is actually a KFC extra crispy chicken drumstick? Odds are Toby will be the one.
@112 Garrison Skunk:
Or, Toby will whisper to Wilbur, “Do you know there’s a fish in that box?”
Six Chix In Search Of A Punchline: “Lets play Hump the Camel!” “Got a cigarette for after, Joe?” (Thank you again, Seventh_Chick, for the last punchline payment.)
MW – I like how Saul brought his dog, just to taunt Wilbur that *his* pet is still alive. This is the kind of cruelty Wlbur so richly deserves.
@Baja Gaijin: I pick the yenta.
@Sequitur:
I guess Toby’s confused because the night SNL ran THAT sketch was the one night Mary let her stay up that late.
MW: As holder of Doctor Jeff in the Dead Pool, I appreciate Josh’s great reminder that although Doctor Jeff will never die, he does suffer.
@Baja Gaijin: thanks
@Sequitur:
? In their eyes there’s something lacking, what they need’s a damn good whacking.
Piggies by The Beatles
______________________
Or the flipside: ? Here comes the shlub, here comes the shlub, and I say “Get me outta here!”
PV: Well, we always knew Val had a wee mean streak. But that bit of unpleasantness over, hurrah, away we go to Si An Bhru, another name I can’t pronounce! I wonder what the Singing Sword’s real name is.
@Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!: That would be an outrage! Stellan is irreplaceable – unless they hire him to play the new Fish…..
______________
I hate to say it, Sid, but not even Stellan could replace Abe Vigoda.
@seismic-2: #70
Agree wholeheartedly! Very sweet.
@Baja Gaijin: #73
Ha! It actually amuses me to think that only five people would show up for Wilbur’s funeral.
MW: Stellan shuffled off this mortal coil days ago, and is small enough to thaw quickly. If you really want a dignified sendoff, Wilbur, you’ll keep the ceremony short. Otherwise, your last memory of Stellan will be a really bad smell. Personally, I think you were unwise not to choose a closed-casket option.
Blondie: Is Dagwood’s weird laughing fit something that came on suddenly, or does this sort of thing happen all the time? Look at the strange way Blondie has arranged the furniture: The chairs aren’t side-by-side or turned toward each other; Dagwood’s is facing away from Blondie’s, presumably so his harsh guffaws won’t bother her ears. And she seems to have found him a chair that’s ridiculously low to the ground, so his long legs stick out more awkwardly than ever, but he can just slide down to the floor instead of falling off it and hurting himself when the attacks of hilarity begin. Yep, whatever drug-delivery system Dag is using — pharmaceutical-laced ham? nitrous-infused submarine rolls? — his wife apparently can’t stop him, so she’s doing whatever she can to mitigate the damage.
Dennis the Menace: Alice has been keeping her husband weak and helpless by feeding him a low-protein diet, and now she’s trying to do the same thing to her son. Who knew it was actually Mrs. Wilson’s milk- and egg-rich cookies that were keeping him healthy all this time?
Marvin: Oh, look, a hulking lothario whom Jeff obviously hates is about to join the family! Eh, one night of babysitting his new nephew will make him afraid of doing anything that could lead to kids of his own. Congrats, Marvin, you’re the saltpeter of people!
Slylick Fox And Comix For Kinx: A devoted Harry Ape fan leaves her bra and panties in his sack, and of course Sly needs to stick his Vulpine nose into the matter!
Mary Worth – IAN: Me, attend Wilbur’s idiotic fish funeral? Give me one good reason why I would possibly do that.
MARY: Because a suicide in the building would lower all our property values.
IAN: …damn it! Torn between my love of money and my hatred of Wilbur.
FG: I’ve finally figured out who those two Hawkmen jailers remind me of. Remember the winged harpies in the movie “Jason and the Argonauts” that would swoop down to torment the old, blind guy?
@UncleJeff:
#110. PV:. Excellent point, Uncle Ben. The knights of Camelot are not people we want to emulate today.
Yesterday @Baja Gaijin: Aaargh! You’ve managed to create something even more hideous than the stock “Wilbur in a speedo” image. I don’t think I will ever be able to unsee that. Well played, sir!
Ian only showed up so he could play his bagpipe.
CS: There should’ve been another panel showing Crankshaft’s corpse decomposing over time.
I’m having a good day, I wish you all a good time too ^_^
Take care!
(Just in a good mood)
@Guillermo el chiclero: Vultan aside, the Hawkmen are skinny little wankers, so harpies it is. The Hawkmen women look like Valkeries, but instead of riding winged horses they have wings themselves. Cuts out the middle
horseman.@Garrison Skunk: #112
Ha! That would serve him right for the snarky comment he made other time at her birthday.
One thing I like about the new Sunday Popeye is that Milholland kept Sutra Oyl, who debuted during the Bobby London era (1986-1992). Also happy to see Alice the Goon back today.
@Poteet: I have Mary Worth, herself, in the dead pool. It’s a long shot, I know, but man, whadda payoff THAT would be! And it looks like with that dress she’s wearing, she might be wearing her slippery dress heels for that burial-at-sea ceremony! I’m still a contender…!
@Baja Gaijin: “Shiksa Yenta.” Nice words.
It looks like all of the rulers in Flash Gordon are a bunch of assholes. They’re all Ming wannabes.
Nice try, Mary Worth, but no real person would show up for any Wilbur-related social event, so we have to assume these people are all there because Mary has finally pulled out the years of blackmail material she’s accumulated about these people.
Zippy – Boy, they’re really going easy on that Spiro Agnew guy.
This is going to be one interesting story for Dawn to hear about when she
returns to existencecomes back home, especially the parts where her father shows clear favoritism to a goldfish over her. It’s sure to make her feel welcomed back home along with the befouled freezer.@46 taig: Mary broke into ColanderHead Man’s condo! Mary’s not letting that smelling thing into her home, nor the dead rotting fish it’s holding.
@88 UncleJeff: There’s still time remaining in this storyline. There’s time for the sun to burn out before this storyline ends.
@97 Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!: While Stellan’s a good actor, all the Curmudgeons know Libby’s the star of Charterstone and Santa Royale. Why the powers at MaryWorthCo haven’t figured that out, I dunno.
@116 Poteet: I’m glad someone picked the shiksa yenta.
@124 Daisy: Thinking about it, I gotta agree: Mary, Dawn, and whoever she’s giving it up at the moment to are the only ones to attend Wilbur’s funeral. Wait a minute! I forgot all the women he dated who’ll pour a 40 over his grave.
@131 Anonyminimouse: I literally can’t unsee it: the file still exists in my computer only to pop up unexpectedly in the future when I’m not expecting it, much like spontaneous stupendous flatulence.
@134 The Rambling Otter: Right back atcha! It is a happy day indeed.
@137 Ukulele Ike: I look forward to Sunday Popeye strips. Under the new artist, they never disappoint. Characters from the past reappear yet, unlike Dick Tracy, they’re never obscure. No “canned spinach seller from one strip in 1933” that we’re supposed to somehow recognize.
@138 Charterstoned: You can pray Wilbur’s breast coat pocket contains his emergency mayo supply which explodes from the sun’s heat absorbing into his black polyester suit, thus splattering all over the deck…see where this is going?
@139 Lord Flatulence: After having seen “The Nanny” reruns so often on GeezerTV, I knew Mary couldn’t possibly be a “yenta.” Also knew Mary couldn’t be a shiksa “goddess” from “The Big Bang Theory” reruns on a not-quite GeezerTV network.
@Baja Gaijin: I figured that Estelle would let Libby piss on the grave as one last bit of revenge but didn’t expect for her to actually take a shit.
@148 Needless Exposition: Were Estelle to feed Libby those Tender Vittles now with Added Anabolic Steroids! the cat could dig up Wilbo’s coffin, snap open the lid, then piss on him directly.
Well, I’m come to realize (and I’ve noticed this for a while now actually)
I am not mature enough for these comments. Way back in the day, I used to (at least I believe) actually submitted funny material, but now I just say weird nonsense most of the time and tend to get agitated at things.
(Also I apologize for insulting you earlier Josh, not that I intended to)
This issue I have, isn’t just with this site, it’s with a lot of sites. Reddit, Discord in which I impulsively run my mouth without thinking.
I need to seriously think things over, and grow up a bit, before coming back here. If I even do.
Thank you all for the laughter and fun.
@150 The Rambling Otter: I usually enjoy your comments. I hope you come back soon.
@Horace Broon: Thanks for providing the answer to “furry boat”; I was stumped.
@The Rambling Otter: Please take care and know that you will always be welcomed back.
MW – Let’s get on with it for cryin’ out loud – Dagon awaits Stellen….
@Lord Flatulence: You make a valid point. But you have to admit that Azura, the hot Witch Queen, looks gooooooooood while assholing and wannabeeing.
MW: I’m not buying a fucking black suit for a fucking gold fucking fish funeral.
@Professor Well Actually: Bruh, I wouldn’t even buy a pair of socks for a goldfish funeral.
@The Rambling Otter:
#150 Rambling, you’ll be missed but you’re doing a smart thing. We all need to let go of the comfort of unhealthy habits.
After you’ve broken the invisible ropes and have cleared your mind, I hope you can become a “lurker” for a little while to see if it’s wise to come back. Best wishes!
mw see wilbur your not alone for figured why not make the fish funneral a party aka they all owe me so called in favors plus the more to help whack you at last wilbur. blondie dagwood better come up with something fast when mr. dithers asks what is so funny . after blondie having to quickly do some damage control
@154 Dennis Jimenez:
I agree with you. Let’s move it. However, I can see one week in the future and in one week they’re still in the room they now occupy.
Tomorrow…
Six Chix is weird.
Hi of Hi and Lois is bitchin’ about something.
So, same ol’ same ol’.
I can’t wait for Baja any longer so I’ll just leave this lying around for him.
H&L: Hi could at least take advantage of the kids’ absence to get an extra hour’s sleep if it weren’t for the damn bladder.
MW: Mary has gone the extra nautical mile and bribed four of her acquaintances to make a cameo at Wilbur’s fish funeral. She couldn’t afford for Toby to actually say anything, of course.
@Sequitur: This is going to turn into a nauseating week of Wilbur getting his fat ass patted with empty platitudes, isn’t it?
Blondie: Seeing Dagwood do the lolling tounge of laughter is somehow even worse than seeing everyone in Snuffy Smith do it
C-Shaft: Oh Ed. Old comic strip leads never die. At a certain point they just loop through the same jokes over and over. You reached that point years ago.
DT: Later that night: “Hey, this footage doesn’t even go on for three minutes. They really were at it like a pair of teenagers!”
Dustin: Good news for local watering holes: Annoying the elder Kudlicks so that they don’t come back is easier than you ever thought!
FC: No one calls it a “ferry boat,” Billy. If it’s a ferry we all know it’s a boat so the extra word would be redundant. Although you’re too young and
dumbsheltered to draw a boat full of furries, and I guess that’s something we can be thankful for.JP: Damn, I was hoping Neddy was calling either April or the guy who was April’s mom’s mole inside the Pavel organization to put a hit on Declan’s brother.
Phantom: I’ve lost track. Is the Phantom just being a dick to Worubu for dickishness’s sake at this point?
@156 Professor Well Actually: What would you buy for Wilbur’s funeral? I’d buy a big bowl of potato salad and a big plastic spoon useful for flinging globs of said salad on his casket.
@162 Sequitur: Thanks. I don’t know what to do with it.
@164 Needless Exposition: Short answer: yes. Long answer: Hellz yes.
Late Thread Cuisine: Wilbur Weston, in food form! Watch the inline video, look at the child after he enters the frame.
@Baja Gaijin: You can always use that stupid face in the second panel for Wilbur getting too excited about a sale on mayonnaise.
@Baja Gaijin: Now, now, Baja, we all know that this snowman has far too much personality to be associated with Wilbur.
@170 Needless Exposition: OK, how about this: Wilbur Weston is a slaw schlub human form.
@Baja Gaijin: I like it. As slaw, he would have been somewhat edible but now he’s just useless and still frightens small children.
@171 Baja Gaijin: Let’s try this again with all the words: “Wilbur Weston is a slaw schlub in human form.”
@172 Needless Exposition: SNERK!
@Artist formerly known as Ben: “Colonel Worubu….I’m not sleepy yet….tell me a bedtime story? A glass of warm Ovaltine wouldn’t hurt, either. I can seeeeeee you!”
Worubu quietly leaves his ascot, shield, and sidearm on the desk and catches the bus to Maitwaan to get a job at his brother-in-law’s lumberyard.
Crankshaft-Sitting on the bench waiting for that final tick tock.
@The Rambling Otter:
I hear ya, TRO. I just recently came back here — refreshed, as they say — after a year’s absence or so, having eventually gotten over a remark by Josh that I found completely unacceptable.
We all do what we have to do.
@Baja Gaijin: ♫ I fought the slaw and the… slaw won,
I fought the slaw and the… slaw won
Today’s Famillar Mucus features hot dog on ewe action for those into such things.
@The Rambling Otter:
Sorry if my snark where I mentioned you contributed to your response or made you feel bad in any way. I only meant to amuse.
I heartily recommend a thorough physical. I firmly believe in a sound mind in a sound body. You may have an undisclosed medical condition affecting your mental health.
In any case, good luck and I hope to see you contributing here again soon.
@168 Baja Gaijin:
I’m glad I had eaten before I saw this.
The trick now is to keep it down.
@177 Peanut Gallery: The slaw definitely won.
@180 Sequitur: You’ll never look at Carolina Slaw Dogs the same way again.
@Sequitur: Yea! Libby! Libby! Libby! And Deputy Duck?
_____________________
When it says Libby Libby Libby on the label label label, you can bet Sly and Cassandra are canoodling under the table table table.
@167 Baja Gaijin:
Maybe you can work this into a Mary Worth mashup.
@183 Sequitur: I’ll try.
MW: “Today is your intervention, Wilbur. We’ve all gathered here to tell you: it’s just a fucking fish. Fight us.”
@185 Fight Me: You must read tomorrowthread’s Mary Worth Mashups. Fight me.
@Baja Gaijin:
Will you be in disagreement with me? I hope not, for your sake, because you would lose.
@187 Fight Me: I SAID, read tomorrowthread’s Mary Worth Mashups. Fight me.
@Sequitur: 183
Don’t give Baja ideas for a late thread cuisine horror!
MW: Won’t you please attend Wilbur’s funeral?
Everyone: heck yeah, sounds like a party!
Mary will let them know it’s Wilbur’s funeral for his fish later on.
Cannot tell you how happy it makes me to know that Hiram Flagston is canonically so bad a father his kids have no desire to celebrate him. Lois, please call me.