Guys, I don’t … I don’t really know much about sports
Post Content
Beetle Bailey, 6/17/24
OK, it’s probably just a clip art compositing error, but I actually think it’s very in character that Plato is abruptly swapped in for Killer between panels here. Plato is, as his name attests, a philosopher at heart, and is interested in a wide range of human experiences that can help him better understand his fellow humans and their diverse cultural practices. Killer, on the other hand, has a reputation to maintain with the ladies, and smelling like a garbage can is simply not going to help with that at all.
Gil Thorp, 6/17/24
I don’t really follow competitive softball, so, uh, is a 0.751 batting average something someone would actually have, even in a terrific season? That seems less “terrific” and more “oh my GOD” and you’d have media following you around the country. On the other hand, even though a batting average of course represents a decimal number, usually a sportscaster would just say “seven fifty one” not “zero point seven fifty one,” so maybe Keri is getting a hit seven or eight times out of every 10,000 at-bats, which is honestly less impressive.
Rex Morgn, M.D, 6/17/24
Parker and Cory’s friend, three minutes earlier: “But why do people become bullies? ChatGPT, don’t fail me now!”
240 replies to “Guys, I don’t … I don’t really know much about sports”
Mary Worth Mashups: Were today’s strip continued to one more panel, which of the five linked would you prefer to be canon?
RMMD: Thanks, guy, wearing a hoodie in summer. He probably has emotional issues and is directing his misplaced anger at Parker. We would all be angry if our name was “The Bully.” Got to admit though, his parents called that one when they named him.
The general should be saying, “Now what?” Respect the tropes, people!
@Baja Gaijin: Definitely “Fight us.”
I just realized I haven’t seen Crankshaft in months. Josh used to feature it all the time but now doesn’t at all.
BB: General Halftrack has a realization that he could get rid of his problem with useless privates taking up too many resources and make sure that Cookie has plenty of broth for his soups and stews. Two birds with one stone!
MW: Watch as Wilbur proceeds to read too much into this (hopefully) begrudging act of politeness from near strangers while ignoring the text messages and missed calls from his daughter who probably doesn’t know if he’s even alive. Or considering Dawn has her father’s self absorbed nature, she’s probably more concerned about her allowance having been converted to fish food and a tuxedo.
RMMD: Some say that there’s a sort of belligerent sexual tension between a bully and his victim but Parker doesn’t seem like he’s going to be losing his virginity any time soon.
MW: “What’s this?”
“Obviously, we all did something horrible in a past life, and now we’re paying for it.”
DtM: Uncharacteristic tact from The Menace; he usually loudly insults guests to their faces.
RMMD: Your turn will come, Gray Hoodie. Let’s see how detached you are, then.
@Baja Gaijin: Oh, hey, it’s Madi! Let’s hope that no one’s trying to make that poor kid feel like her emotions are a burden to others or comparable to a dog (seriously, fuck you, Mary and Saul). Also, yes, intervention time.
RMMD:
“Parker, this flatware seeves as powerful symbolism that it’s high tine for you to tell that bully to fork off!”
“Rex Morgan MD” is, supposedly, a medical strip so I hope that the origin of the bullying tendency and aggression is a hormonal imbalance requiring medical intervention and maybe surgery
B. Bailey: Depression era jokes are more of a Barney Google Snuffy Smith thing.
Killer is not bathing because if he has to get a transmittable disease, he would rather get it from a prostitute rather than a garbage can. He has a reputation to uphold!
RMMD:
“Ceci n’est pas une fourchette.”
“Aw, man, Corey. There goes Bobby, pretending to be Rene Magritte again!”
BB: Diogenes: Origins.
RM: School cafeterias have got so dangerous that the kids aren’t even allowed to use knives any more. Sure, it’s hard to cut your fishsticks with your finger, but at least it stops vicious hair-tousling incidents like these from escalating.
FC: Mad respect for Jeffy’s who-gives-a-shit attitude in response to Dolly’s nag.
GT: Uh, you aren’t “awarded” first base for just hitting the ball to left field. You have to (a) hope no one catches it before it hits the ground and (b) run it out. Gil Thorp is to sports what Rex Morgan is to medicine.
RMMD: We must listen to this guy when he explains the motivation for “bullying”. He wields the Fork of Wisdom!
GT: Josh’s lack of sports knowledge is not the issue here.
Why is the batter awarded first base on a ball hit in fair territory? When I was a kid I had to run to 1B while hoping the ball wasn’t caught on the fly. Did one of the fundamental rules change in the very few years since?
Alternate question: Gil Thorp is a sports strip, right?
DtM: “That lady farts up a storm. No wonder they call her Windy.”
Opportunity missed.
RxMD: Or, he’s just an asshole.
@Anonymous: I haven’t seen Crankshaft in months.
Nobody has.
RMMD: Sweatshirt guy, on the left hand, seems to be suggesting that they give the bully the Rex Morgan procto finger of justice. On the right hand, though, he seems to be saying to Parker, “Stick a fork in it. You’re finished.”
Can’t wait to see what the otter fellow has to ramble about all this…oh…wait…
BB: “Also, when we were kids we got a lot of bacterial infections. Probably should have mentioned that before.”
GT: Considering the number of games played in a girls high school softball season, it’s mathematically impossible for Keri to average exactly .751 without getting some kind of “fractional hit” credit, which is not a thing that exists. Then again, seeing as Keri has been “awarded” first base on a ball hit to left field, maybe Milford’s utterly insane sporting world does allow for such things.
BB: Then
DiogenesPlato says to the General: “Get out of my sun!”@jroggs: Sorry, I should note that I suck at math and I expect my helping partner ChatGPT also sucks at math. Feel free to correct me on my claim of “mathematical impossibility.”
MW: As they leave the complex, a funeral procession slowly passes by carrying a child sized casket.
“This is stupid.” Says Wilbur as he tosses Stellan into a trash bin. “Thanks, everyone. I’m going to go call my daughter.”
Later, Mary calls her friend at the funeral parlor; “It worked.”
Rex Morgan, M.D. Brain Trust Quarterly Meeting:
“Guys, we need to do something different, something to really shake this strip up.”
“Hmm…maybe have an emotionally astute character delve into the nuances of a difficult situation?”
“Great idea! Maybe Rex could…”
“Not that one.”
…
“Also, lose the nuance.”
DT: Is it interesting? We can’t read any of it apart from the name, you know. What are you even looking at, Liz? The standard FDIC “Here’s who’s guilty in the current Dick Tracy story” form?
FC: There are small sandboxes, there are really small sandboxes, and there there are incorrectly identified litter boxes. Go ahead and drop your gum, Jeffy, I don’t think it really matters at this point.
JP: Welp, last week was fun, but now we’re back to the regularly scheduled unbearable Sally Forth dialogue in medias res. Why is Neddy chasing a disagreeable Ronnie through the mountains? We can guess, but why would Neddy think to include Ronnie in her scheme to unite Declan with his brother and parents (romantically, per Sophie), and why would Ronnie be so averse to even hearing about it? Because character! Or something! Seriously, this just sucks.
Luann: Gonna be honest, I’ve never had a relationship with another person where I’ve felt it was appropriate to greet them in the morning by saying, “Whoa, you look like you’ve been having a lot of non-procreational sex with your spouse!”
MW: Meanwhile, in downtown Santa Royale, the undertaker bent over his work and shook his head dejectedly. His gloomy assistant applied make-up to the subject at hand, but stopped his ministrations as he shot a quizzical glance at his boss. “What’s bothering you, Mr. Gabriel?”
The undertaker put down his hose. “What’s the point, Derek? I’m giving this poor fellow my best work, and you’re repairing the damage with your usual skill, but in the end, NO ONE will see our work or even know that we did it, because NO ONE will come to his service. I mean, he died a tragic death when he mistook the vet for his own doctor, and was accidentally neutered before being euthanized. That deserves SOME memorial, SOME acknowledgment that he was on this earth and BELONGED to someone! But he wasn’t chipped, and he didn’t wear a tag, so Dr. Ed couldn’t identify him. We’ll never know who his owner—I mean, who his family is.”
Derek put down his block of modeling clay on the shiny metal table, next to where he was working on his client. He adjusted his glasses and straightened. He grimaced as his back released some of the strain earned by bending over his task for the past three hours. With a heavy sigh, he surveyed his work. The job was nearly finished, and if he did say so himself, he thought it was an excellent result. Not lifelike, but then….
“Look, Derek.” Mr. Gabriel suddenly walked away from the table, then spun to face his colleague. “I think we should cut our losses.”
Derek’s mouth fell open. “But I just finished putting it on…!”
“No, you don’t understand. It’s a beautiful job all around, but our business is going down the toilet—we can’t afford the effort if we won’t be paid for the work!”
“What are you suggesting?”
“He should go down the toilet. Now.”
“Wait. The BIG toilet…?”
“Think of the savings, Derek. My god, it’s not like he was a fucking goldfish. But he’s a nobody, as far as we’re concerned. It’s no worse than giving him a burial at sea! Not that people do that anymore, because who gets all dressed up and spends a fortune on all that gas just to dump a guy in the ocean?”
Derek looked lovingly but regretfully at his masterpiece. “Well, if it will help us….” he said, his voice trailing off.
At the far end of the Finishing Room, a door stood open, revealing the industrial-sized porcelain commode in the room beyond. Its gleaming surface reflected the cold blue light from the fluorescent lights above as Mr. Gabriel and Derek entered with the product of their efforts. A hoist stood ready to receive their client, the extension ladder already leaning against the enormous tank to provide access to the handle.
Derek slowly climbed the ladder, peering into the massive bowl one last time to admire his handiwork before grasping the handle with both hands. At a nod from Mr. Gabriel, he swung off the ladder to put his full weight into depressing the lever, and a mighty gush sounded as the tank released its water supply to flood the bowl. Then it coughed and gurgled, and Derek frantically worked his entire body as he dangled, trying his best to jiggle the handle. As he clambered back onto the ladder, he once again peered over the edge of the bowl to see the water rising inexorably toward the lip, before miraculously, mercifully receding and disappearing with its contents.
Mr. Gabriel nodded curtly and turned to leave. “Well, that’s done. We have about a dozen more clients today from that tour bus tragedy at Piccadee Falls, so we’d best get back to it.” He added over his shoulder, “Don’t forget to put the lid down.”
The Family Circus Spanish to English.
Because you’re a supposedly teen character written and drawn by the staff at Rex Morgan, M.D. Honestly, kid, I’d probably bully you for that too.
@5 Anonymous: Are you complaining about not seeing Crankshaft in months?
@29 Charterstoned: OMG. They have a toilet to handle Plugger-sized shits.
Fudge Packer: Did Neddy suggest that they should take off their tops?
@Charterstoned: A dozen dead from a tour bus crash at Piccadee Falls! Oh no! Is the weird rock okay?
RMMD: These are the kind of bullied kids that make you root for the bullies.
Beetle Bailey : the authority figure catching them in their mischief is General Halftrack, because EVERY OTHER authority figure in the strip would at least yell at them for doing this, if not kick the trash cans over. Even Chaplain Staneglass and Doctor Bonkus.
*************
Gil Thorp : how is Keri under pressure to “live up” to the name of Thorp? Was Gil an accomplished athlete in his youth? Was Mimi? Is there an unrelated person named Thorp who’s an extraordinary pro star?
Because it can’t be “pressure” to live up to being a mediocre Coach…
**********
Rex Morgan M.D : … wait a minute, why are we doing à “there’s a new kid at school, and they’re a BULLY!” storyline in JUNE!? Is this strip going to do a “kids at school” storyline during SUMMER BREAK!?
RwO: I guess you folks have wondered, with all the big whoop-tee-do about the Cicadas, why we haven’t seen many featured this summer in the comics. Well, to tell the truth, it’s been hard to round up Cicada talent. They all seem to be busy “gettin’ busy”… guess they wanna make up for lost time after that long hibernation.
But as in all species, there are some individuals who just don’t make the cut in the reproductive sweepstakes. And that’s why these three decided to form a band and get into Show Biz. I dunno, maybe they think the enhanced musical presentation will attract any females who happen to still be in the market…. or that Show Biz glamour will pay off in hot Cicada action. Anyway, these are the only guys who showed up for auditions so we’re goin’ with them.
Also a nice job by the Box Turtles, who live much longer and can afford to take it slow…
MW-No one cares but Mary is paying them each fifty bucks to be there.
Here is what ChatGPT says about bullies:
People become bullies for a variety of reasons, often stemming from complex psychological, social, and environmental factors. Here are some common reasons:
Desire for Power and Control: Bullies may feel a need to exert power over others to compensate for their own perceived lack of control or low self-esteem. By dominating others, they temporarily feel stronger and more in control.
Lack of Empathy: Some individuals may have difficulty understanding or relating to the feelings of others. This lack of empathy can lead them to disregard the impact of their actions on others and engage in hurtful behavior without remorse.
Mimicking Behavior: In some cases, children or adolescents may learn bullying behavior from role models such as parents, siblings, or peers. If they witness or experience aggression at home or in their social circles, they may replicate these behaviors in other settings.
Seeking Attention or Peer Acceptance: Bullying can sometimes be a way for individuals to gain attention or popularity among their peers, albeit through negative means. They may believe that intimidating others will make them appear stronger or more impressive to their social group.
Insecurity and Inadequacy: Bullies may harbor deep-seated feelings of insecurity or inadequacy. They might target others who they perceive as different or weaker to deflect attention away from their own vulnerabilities.
Environmental Factors: Factors such as a stressful home life, exposure to violence or aggression, or a lack of positive role models can contribute to the development of bullying behavior.
Social Dynamics: Within certain groups or environments, bullying behavior may be reinforced or normalized as a way to establish social hierarchy or maintain social norms.
It’s important to note that these reasons are not excuses for bullying behavior but rather factors that can contribute to its development. Addressing bullying requires understanding these underlying causes and implementing strategies to promote empathy, respect, and positive social interactions.
@Baja Gaijin:
No. 3 does it for me, Baja!
GT — No one, and I mean no one, has ever batted .751 in a league in their own age group. Maybe that’s why they’re “awarding” her first base–a small ceremony to mark the milestone. More likely, Henry just can’t be bothered to learn any rudimentary lingo or facts about the sports he “portrays.”
On the other hand, that is some sweet tang. . .
MW: “Gosh, I didn’t think anyone cared.”
Ian pipes up. “Dear boy, don’t be confused. I don’t give a flying fig about you. But this. THIS! A full-blown fish funeral on a giant yacht! Oh, I wouldn’t miss this for the world!”
@Baja Gaijin:
The “we don’t” one, followed by Saul’s granddaughter whose name I forgot.
BB: I know we joke about bad AI-written strips, but really…what is this? This doesn’t even have the faintest semblance of a joke, it’s just saying a thing and then showing it. In a month or two we’re not even going to have the characters anymore, it’ll just be a random phrase like ” A GRAPEFRUIT WEARING A BOWLER HAT!” and then a second panel crudely depicting that.
RMMD: “Imagine that this creepy black fork is a bully’s emotional issues and your forehead is you. Now hold still…”
@jroggs:
Boy I have never been so glad we moved away from the “Luann/Mrs Horner” storyline. (Also this is the second most common greeting for “Wacky Next-Door Neighbors” achetypes. The first is, “Well of course I just barged right in without knocking….”)
Sally Forth: Is that thing behind the octopus an extremely cool mini-juke box, or is it Robbie the Robot, star of Forbidden Planet and one thousand 1960s SF teevee episodes? Which I assumed was in a museum someplace, probably Los Angeles or Berlin.
MW: The next day, the Society page of the Santa Royale Press Herald News Dispatch called it “the social event of the year!”
“The audacity of it all! The spectacle! The farce! Far, far weirder than the Met Gala! The paucity of attendees did more to add to the event than detract from it! Once again, Mrs. Worth has pulled it off!”
Beetle Bailey – Zero is canonically from from Cornpone, Nebraska, which feels like the flatter, Midwestern version of Hootin’ Holler.
Gil Thorp – The College World Series does good ratings on ESPN and gets coverage, so Keri ought to be the Caitlin Clark of softball. I don’t know if Barajas has fully caught up to the impact of NIL, or if he’s trying to avoid the mistake of so much sports media that struggles to cover the changes.
Rex Morgan, MD – Rex is probably happy he won’t have to take part in this storyline except to treat atomic wedgies and noogies.
Has anyone else noticed that Comics Kingdom has gone back to limiting the number of comics you can read for free. I’ll read four and when I try to read a fifth one I get blocked.
DT: Look at ALL THOSE BIMMS. The Bimms must be an old and respected Neo-Chicago family, like the Cesspooles in Lil’ Abner. “A Cesspoole is nothing to be sniffed at! There have always been Cesspooles!”
Hey everyone, I’m back from vacation and catching up on what I’ve missed (yes, I know the answer is “nothing much”).
GT: What the hell is going on with the pitcher? Why is she wearing half a catcher’s mask and/or outdated orthodontic headgear? Why is she posing like Bob Fosse with all the style removed? Where are her arms attached?
RMMD: Ugh, this story is giving me flashbacks to all the useless “how to deal with bullies” advice I got as a kid. You just know Hoodie Boy is about to let loose with a “He just wants to get a reaction out of you; if you ignore him he’ll soon stop” any moment.
REX MORGAN M.D.: Parker: “Thanks for standing up for me guys!”*
*citation needed
But seriously, has these so-called “friends” done anything but stand mutely and grey-ly in the background like the NPC clip-art they are while Maladjusted Jughead ineffectually bullies their pal?
REX MORGAN M.D.: Speaking of Ineffectual bullying….
Bullying is bad. Now let’s all dehumanize the new, hasn’t-made-any-friends-yet kid by referring to him as “The Bully”, instead of, you know, his actual name. We’re the good guys here by the way. You can tell because even at 14, we exhibit the weary, mild-mannered schlubbiness that embodies all “nice” characters in the Rexverse.
RMMD: Watch out bully. Parker and Corey’s new, advice-dispensing, friend appears to be Cosby kid Weird Harold…meaning, your comeuppance may involve less noogies and swirlies and more roofies and forced sodomy.
@Liam: Has anyone else noticed that Comics Kingdom has gone back to limiting the number of comics you can read for free. I’ll read four and when I try to read a fifth one I get blocked.
Yeah, and it carries over to the next day for me. So, back to limited options at USA Today.
Beetle Bailey:
Sarge — “Zero, remember when you were a kid? You used to clean out garbage cans and let them sit in the sun for a hot bath.”
Zero — “Uh, no.”
Sarge — “Sure, it was a blast!”
Zero — “Um… yeah, I guess I kind of remember that.”
Sarge — “Sure, it was great. Why don’t you do that now… get all the guys to do it! with you”
Zero — “Okay!”
Sarge (checks “finish reading The Adventures of Tom Sawyer” and “get enlisted men to wash out garbage pails without beating them up this time” off his to-do list) — “Great, have fun!”
Gil Thorp: “Oh, look, the varsity coach’s daughter hit the ball! Don’t bother having the other team’s players try to catch it or making her run to the base or anything… we’ll just “award” her first, using a special call that’s maybe not be in the rule book but is for sure legitimate! Of course, we can’t do this every time she’s up to bat, just maybe three out of four. Anyway, that kid is gonna be a star!”
Rex Morgan: Loudly: “How do you deal with a bully? With kindness and compassion!” (Whispers: “Actually, you stick a finger in his eye and stab him in the gut with a very small fork.”)
@Anonymous: I just realized I haven’t seen Crankshaft in months. Josh used to feature it all the time but now doesn’t at all.
Makes sense. The strip itself rarely features him either.
The only real way to stop getting bullied is to fight back. I know all the arguments against that, but it is what it is. You fight back even if it means you know you’re getting your ass kicked. Mine was a senior football player, 3 years older, 5 inches taller and 50 pounds heavier than me. I got 2 broken ribs, a trip to the hospital and a painful recovery. But I got a couple good shots in and bloodied his nose. More importantly, I got a rep.
And I was NEVER bullied again. Never. Once you get a rep for fighting back, they lose interest.
@1 Baja Gaijin:
Even Luann thinks this is hilarious.
9CL: One of the main reasons I visit this site everyday is so that someone can explain 9CL to me. I am very disappointed, but not surprised, that nobody understands it at all today.
@Anonymous: Re: Rex Morgan M.D.: Well they kinda have to because (oh joy) this story also doubles as their contribution to Pride Month. See, you may have forgotten, since it was so seamlessly (read: awkward and ham-handedly) integrated in the story, but Parker is suppose to be non-binary and we’re supposed to imply that this is a reason he’s being bullied (as demonstrated by The Bully not really mentioning it and making a conscientious effort to avoid using any misgendering pronouns, which is just the type of respect you expect from homophobic bullying! So you know this is going to be an accurate portrayal of what queen kids go through!)
@Baja Gaijin: “We don’t! But Dr. Jeff said there’d be an open bar.”
9CL: I would advise Brooke that it’s preferable to keep the character on the left at the left, and the character on the right at the right.
Especially when the characters are identical twins.
BB: If anything, they’ve finally convinced Gen. Halftrack he has dementia.
RMMD: Let that thought comfort you while you’re recovering in the ICU.
9CL: So, let me make sure I understand this: Brooke has time-jumped the Overlook Twins to their nubile teenage years, and now they’re being wooed by a carbon copy of their father who is the only sixteen-year-old in the world running around in a sport coat and turtleneck, while a miraculously un-aged Edda gets ridiculously overprotective and antagonistic about the whole thing.
…Yeah, it might be time for me to finally quit this strip.
C’shaft: Yes, they stuck some cardboard ads on top of the marquee and borrowed a couple search lights from the used car dealer down the road. Truly this is the most lavish premiere in the history of movies.
Dustin: Man, this takes me back to working movie theater concessions in high school.
JP: And for some reason they’re catching up in Mount Rainier National Park.
MW: “We don’t! Mary promised to treat us to dinner at the Bum Boat if we showed up for your stupid fish funeral.”
God, this is dumber than I ever anticipated. This is the sort of plot that should center around a six-year-old who has never dealt with loss before, not a grown man whose own parents are presumably dead (from embarrassment if nothing else). It may well be the stupidest Wilbur-centric plot ever, and considering that includes “Wilbur hung out on a cruise line’s private island for a whole week while everyone thought he was dead” that’s saying something.
@Where’s Rocky?: I’ve been using a combination of Seattle Times and GoComics, which covers my usual rotation. Much less buggy than the Spinny Crown, too.
GT: Well, I spent some time digging, and the answer seems to be that (a) batting averages aren’t a stat that gets tracked heavily by recruiters, because they’re so dependent on not just the skill of the batter, but the quality of pitchers in the league, and that can be pretty variable at the high school level, but also that (b) a batting average of .400 is considered college-applicant level and an average of .500 is considered absolutely outstanding.
So yeah, either this league has the worst pitchers, or this batter is a god.
@Charterstoned:
Bravo!
@Baja Gaijin: The last one. The they thaw and eat Stellan.
Adult Children: Discussions at the express lane negates the purpose of an express lane.
BB – I suppose some sort of snark themed on hillbilly babies ending up in trash cans would be in poor taste….
GT – Fresh tang is a big part of the fan draw of girls teen softball. Poor taste again…damn….
RMMD – I’d have broken more Jungian – the synchronicity of the archetype anti-hero as a universal obstacle for fat slow witted oddball gingers usually leading to a good natured toilet swirling…WtF…poor taste again? Motherfucker….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
GT: As a baseball fan, that 0 in front of .751 burns my eyes. Surely Henry knows a sports fan who could stop him from these errors.
@WesC: The explanation for today’s 9CL is McEldowney wanted to draw the Pibgorn hairgirls in sexy short tight black dresses. With the same weird combination of bare arms and turtleneck that their Mom favors. And the same flat chests and complete lack of hips, which is his idea of the perfect female figure.
@jroggs: Joe Shlabotnik was batting .004 in the July 30, 1964 Peanuts. Which means he was somewhere between 1 for 223 (.00448) and 1 for 285 (.003508). Which is actually plausible, keeping in mind baseball season is two-thirds over on that day. Just shows the care Schulz took with these minor details.
@WesC: It’s always the exact same thing: simian-proportioned sexy babes and anatidaean-proportioned gangly dweebs engaging in stilted flirtatious dialogue in an empty void. The current flavor is yet another arbitrary age-up of the creepy twins to roughly 25-year-old Eddas (not to be confused with Edda herself, who is also still 25 years old), where one or both of them is being romantically pursued by Chinese Amos, the former infant of a different oh god this is so fucking boring and predictable and repetitive who even cares
Sorry. I gave up on this series for a couple major reasons, and McEldowney’s extreme storytelling tunnel vision is one of them. There are still a few other Mudges on the case, but unless McEldowney kicks off another proper story arc (which doesn’t involve the other major reason I dropped this series), I’m mostly staying out.
@Little Blue Bicycle: Agreed, but I enjoy the thought of Marty Moon verbalizing the zero. Hammerin’ Hank should have just gone with OPS (On-base plus slugging). Not only is it a better statistic, Keri’s OPS is almost certainly over 1, and it then makes sense to go with 2.169 or something like that.
Frazz: You know, I’m beginning to think there’s a lot of lead and/or mercury in the water where this strip is set.
Luann: Foreshadowing for Jonah being dead, leaving Brad and Toni stuck with Shannon, and Toni finding out she’s pregnant? This is Luann we’re talking about, so…no.
CS: Cindy was understandably too embarrassed to show up for this premiere.
Beetle Bailey-Trash pick up isn’t even until Thursday. Those bodies are going to start to smell.
Beetle Bailey-Couldn’t Killer have done a better job of stuffing the bodies into the trash cans.
Crankshaft-Odd how Les hasn’t shoved himself into this comic yet.
Luann-“Privacy? I could hear you through the walls.”
@46 Ukulele Ike: It’s a haunted Ronco CD Destructor!© from 1989.
@54 Where’s Rocky?: and @Liam: Try this link: https://www.seattletimes.com/entertainment/comics/ It doesn’t have all the Spinning Crown’s content though it has the most popular.
9CL: I’m going to assume Brooke kept the twins’ surprisingly individual parts in their hair, so we can figure out who is speaking when Brooke decides to violate the 180-degree rule, like he violates so many, many other rules. Anyway, even though
Amos Jr.Alistair wants to marry both twins, pesky laws dictate he only choose one, so the unchosen one is jealous, for reasons.GT: As others have noted here, Josh isn’t the only one who doesn’t know much about sports. Take a bow, Henry.
CS: “You won’t love it when you see how much debt we’re in. Seriously, Mason, we need this movie to sell out every night for the next two weeks, and I don’t think there are that many hopeless nerds here, even in the entire Westview-Centerville metroplex. I think we’re done.”
H&L: Um, because you’re not a school child? Just spitballing here.
@Anonymous: Crankshaft changed syndicates. Josh normally focuses on King Features comics, presumably because they allow him early access to their strips.
LUANN: “Ha, ha. That requires privacy Which is why, as a married couple, we naturally have you as a third wheel…you know to make the environment feel more ‘intimate’.”
LUANN (2): If Bets and Tiff are still looking for marketing ideas, the could try selling their “fuck hut” system to people who don’t know how to kick out their “Wacky Next-Door Neighbor/roommate.”
LUANN (3): Toni: “Shannon just cramps our style. It’s so hard to watch over her during the 0.5 minutes we had her before unceremoniously dumping her on Luann’s doorstep.”
MW: I think this might be the first non-conspiratorial instance of “crisis actors.”
Zits: Jeremy, you should just pee at the train station. It’s not like you’d be the first person to pee on the tracks.
FC: Dolly should know. She saw what Kitty Kat did. It also explains why she chose that particular spot in the sandbox.
@Baja Gaijin: I like the welcome return of Madi. Her Gran might like colors, but she doesn’t like stupid man-babies crying for weeks over a dead fish.
@taig: Yeah, it’s totally insane that people are catering to an adult because his fucking fish died, but a young girl who had lost her mother and grandmother was told to suck it up and stop inconveniencing an undisciplined dog.
GT – It must be tough to play baseball while wearing a dinosaur puppet on one hand.
Beetle Bailey, 6/17/24: When did Killer become a cyclops with one huge eyeball with two irises/pupils?
Don Abundio, translated:
“The only way I’ve found to preserve my dignity is to play petty tricks on the boss”
“This time, I’m going to come up with something really diabolical”
“I’ll make his tea double strength… He won’t sleep a wink all night!”
@Peanut Gallery: She’s not really playing baseball, she’s performing interpretive modern dance. “I dance to the glory of the magnificent Tyrannosaur, former king of the world.”
@Ukulele Ike: You’re right. She’s even going “ROWR!” If there were more of that, I might give this “baseball” thing a try.
BB: It’s not real, General Halftrack thought to himself. Remember what your therapist said. Slow, deep breaths. It’s not real. You’re not seeing your soldiers as naked garbage, boiling in their own juices, smelling of decay… no! Keep it together, soldier. Breathe in. You’re not in the camp anymore. It’s not real!
GT – “Keri Thorp – the catcher – has had a terrific season.” Come on, everybody know that sports announcers set off appositive phrases with commas!
Gil Thorp-Cleary not Gil’s daughter or else she would be a pitcher like her dad.
GT: “Keri is awarded first! The opposing team’s coach is lodging a complaint, but again, there’s no rule against a batter using horrifying eldritch powers to transform himself into living shadow.”
@Rube: Up until it became The Wilbur Show, that was one of the most infuriating storylines ever. They were trying to act like we were supposed to pity Saul for being stuck with a bratty kid who didn’t adore his dog. But in reality, Saul was an asshole who was insensitive to Madi’s grief and treated her like a nuisance.
@pugfuggly: BB: Hey, don’t invade Six Chix turf.
Beetle Bailey: I feel like a general in real life would have more of a reaction to his soldiers stripping naked and boiling themselves alive in garbage cans than just staring at them in a stock character model pose.
Gil Thorp: Just one day I want a ball in Gil Thorp to fly straight into Marty Moon’s face as he makes his commentary.
Rex Morgan: These kids act so non-kid-like or even straight up inhuman that I’m starting to think Rex will have to lobotomize the whole school like he did his daughter, just to be safe and make sure her mutant intelligence didn’t somehow spread into a hive mind.
MARY WORTH: I don’t know why y’all are surprised by these people showing up. For instance, Saul literally has a bigger, more elaborate grave for his pet then he does his wife. He’d probably attend this funeral just for fun. (He’s going to be sorely disappointed though when he discovers the deceased isn’t wearing the same suit and tie combo as his owner. What a freak Wilbur is, Saul will think with disdain.)
I wonder what Elmo is doing today.
FC – “But it’s a great place to take a shit, which is why I’m pulling down my shorts, woman.”
@Ettorre: Castration?
Now, THAT would be a comic strip “1st”!
FC – That isn’t a Tootsie Roll, Jeffy.
Rex Morgan – Beatty did some research on this, and dammit he’s going to use it. Word for word.
Crankshaft – So Mason got the score orchestrated and recorded and added to the film in the last two weeks.
Frazz – Ordinarily this would be Caulfield’s shtick, except the little genius has already read every book in the library on his own. When the teacher gives him a reading list, he ignores it, and he and Frazz mock the teacher behind her back.
MW – “Surprise funerals” are actually a thing. Except the mourners tend to be kinda in shock instead of upbeat and gregarious. Or maybe they thought this one was going to be for Wilbur? Or still could be?
RwO:. In a sense, the turtles have it easy. They can cover their ears with their “hands”. Birds, neasting nearby, have to live with the problem if they haven’t eaten it.
@BigTed: RMMD: Hmmmmm.
Anybody got a gif of Abdullah the Butcher with a fork to replace Hoodie Guy?
Mary Worth – I made the mistake of reading this dreck while I was eating breakfast. I have a massive headache from rolling my eyes and head desking. My thoughts on this clusterfuck:
– I wonder what Mary did to bribe or threaten these neighbors into attending this funeral.
– One of these people should be saying something like, “Wilbur, I’m sorry that you’re so upset about this. But you know, it’s a goldfish. You’re not four years old; you’re supposedly an adult. Your reaction is so out of proportion to what happened that you should seek professional help.”
– It’s a goldfish! It’s a fucking goldfish!
JUDGE PARKER: Ronnie: “No, Neddy. I don’t care if Manley is back, I’m not going back to a DD cup!”
A little googling tells me a .700+ batting average isn’t unrealistic for a top high-school player. It probably means she’s one of the ten best players her age in the country and certainly destined for the pros, but it’s not outragous. Every single pro athete was once a high school kid who utterly dominated the game in their school district. When she gets to college and has to bat against pitchers who are also genetic freaks, it’ll be a different story.
But why they aren’t making her run to first before they award it to her, I’m not sure. Maybe the ump momentarily dozed off and when he heard that CRAK he assumed in was the ball smashing into Keri’s face.
There is generally nothing praiseworthy about Gil Thorp, but slipping in product placement as an onomatopoeia is really clever.
MW-Now who wants shrimp cocktails?
FC: Jeffy turns his wrists in exaggerated slow-motion as he gives his sister the two-handed middle finger when, as he completes the gesture, he pops his bubble.
Bravo, kid. BRA—VO
Blondie-And don’t drop the soap in the shower either.
@Liam:
#39. RMMD:. Lism, thank you for helping us understand this ubiquitous curse.
@Baja Gaijin: Mashups – I can’t decide between Madi and Fight us.
@Hibbleton: That’s a good idea. Mary should have done that instead of encouraging Wilbur’s out of proportion actions.
@Charterstoned: I had two reactions to this:
Bravo!
However, that will give me nightmares tonight.
@Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!: I loved seeing the cicadas today, and I’m impressed that you found such a talented group of them. However – and it pains me to bring this up – where are their red eyes? I can’t believe that you would hire fake cicadas and try to pass them off as the real thing. It must be the production values of RWO. They’ve been good before, so it must be a rare slip up. I do hope that you take some kind of action against RWO, because you have a reputation to maintain.
@105 cheech wizard: To the participants, “surprise funerals” sound as welcome as “surprise colonoscopies.”
@80 Baja Gaijin:
You sumofabitch.
@Liam:
#49. Liam, that’s why a lot of us access comics through a newspaper, such as Seattle Times. (Go, Seattle!)
Moy doesn’t seem to know if we’re supposed to take Wilbur seriously or if he should be considered the butt of the joke. She wants to portray him as a buffoon who can’t even do basic socialization but also wants his problems taken seriously. It comes to a head when he monologues about how he feels alone and unloved…to the frozen corpse of his goldfish. Who he’s preparing to have a funeral for despite being at least fifty years old.
@I speak Jive: I’m glad to know that I’m not the only person the strip has broken in the last week…
DT: Good news everyone, Lizz just got a random phone call telling her a name was on a form, and now she knows who one of the suspects is! Detective work!
GT: Others have questioned Keri being “awarded” first base without, like, having to run or anything, but you have to admit that, by putting in minimum effort and inexplicably being rewarded anyway, they really are living up to the Thorp name.
OTF: Oh, come on! Curt should think of a “petition” as something you get told about on social media and sign by clicking a link, not a door-to-door thing!
S4th: Oh, good. “A hateful woman and her new buddies run a possibly magic shop” was absolutely the plotline I was hoping we were going to run with here.
Zits: Uh, guys? Do you know train stations also have restrooms? Probably with less of a queue, and possibly slightly more hygenic than concert portaloos?
MW: Every time I think that this storyline couldn’t get less plausible, we reach new lows. There is no sane human in the world who is going to a fish funeral that is happening to benefit an adult human man. It’s just not happening. I’m debating the sanity of the attendees more than I am Wilbur at this point.
I genuinely fear we are all lost.
@Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!: #37
Hey, Sid – did Libby from “Mary Worth” squeeze in a side gig on “Gasoline Alley”?? What a little cutie pie – she really knows how to wrap humans around her little paw!
@Lord Flatulence: Maybe this is the issue: the ComicBots are being trained on shit like 6 Chix and the like.
@WesC: 9CL – It seems that The Master hath determined that he needs a new sexy couple to be sexy together. And rather than have to introduce new characters, he is going to dredge up some old ones.
Xiulan Yuan and her dweeby wilting flower husband had a child together a year or two ago, and then disappeared.
So, a few weeks ago, the child was resurrected as a two year old piano prodigy who has to sit on Edda’s lap so he can play the keys while she works the floor pedals.
This immediately escalated to him being three years old the next day, and then sixteen years old the day after.
And The Twins, having just been taught The Facts of Life, have immediately aged to eighteen and thus are appropriate love interests.
So one of the twins (it doesn’t matter which) conveniently has fallen in love with Alistair, an Amos clone who dresses identically to Amos (and, oddly, Amos himself has vanished for over a week, a blessing likely due to the fact that he looks identical to Alistair, except that Alistair has a chin.)
So now one of the twins has fallen for Alistair, and both of them have taken to wearing sleeveless minidresses with classic “the world is my obgyn” not-there skirts.
But the twins still are indistinguishable from each other and talk to each other like Brooke must imagine underaged girls talk. However, boinking has not yet been implied.
Alistair being an Amos clone, he is too shy and awkward to do much, so any further developments are in the hands and mouths of The Twins.
The suspense is in the form of wondering if he backs out of this whole plot when it ends, or if we maintain the “missing Amos/Young Edda with Adult Children/Horny eighteen year old twins looking for dweebs to bone” setup, or reset back to normal with no carryover of the continuity, as is the most often result.
@LTJpezcore1: Well, take a look at our guest list excluding the manchild and meddling crone: a gnomish misanthrope who has a weird obsession for dogs, a woman with literally no personality, a man who married a much younger woman that he treats like his daughter, and a woman who arguably has substance abuse issues. The sanest people in the room are the dogs who likely don’t know or care about what’s going on.
@118 Sequitur: What? That link isn’t very long.
MW: “Gosh, I didn’t think anyone cared!” They don’t, Wilbur, they don’t care at all. They are only there for the free post-funeral refreshments and an excursion on Jeff’s boat. You just don’t hear the sarcasm in Saul’s voice or see Ian’s sly smirk.
MW: I’m hoping the post interment lunch will involve goldfish squares.
MW: “Gosh, I didn’t think anyone cared!” Nobody does, Wilbur, especially not the audience. It’s a fucking goddamn goldfish that you have spent several weeks mourning.
Please just chuck the damn thing into the sea so we can finally move on from this storyline!
“Bug off, jerk! Take a hike, ya bozo! Jump back, square! I haven’t interacted with a child since I started this gin bender in the Kennedy administration, that’s what kids sound like these days, right?”
@Professor Well Actually: And a trip to the hospital where everyone has to be treated for salmonella and tuberculosis. This link pretty much explains why eating goldfish is pretty much not recommended.
@Bob Tice: #9
grrrrr…..
@Needless Exposition: Perhaps but it at least represents a new low for this group of shlubs
@LTJpezcore1: My theory is that Mary threatened eviction to anyone who didn’t attend the event and these dumbasses fell for it instead of calling their lawyer to prepare to sue.
RMMD: isn’t that sweater vest therapist from Mary Worth?
@Professor Well Actually: Well, considering that Mary Worth hates the idea of logical mental health treatment, he had to go somewhere.
@Liam:
That’s supposed to be ‘Family Circus’.
RMMD-“Why can’t he just bully me online like everyone else?”
I saw an interview with the Walker comic strip folks on YouTube and they mention coming up with a ton of gags per month more than they use. Makes me wonder how bad the rejected ones are when you get some of the recent ones seeing print.
@141 Don: Uh, are you sure they’re talking about gags as in jokes or are they gags as in what people do when they see the Late Thread Cuisines?
love is… understanding and accepting your different interests. (That’s Little Formerly Naked Gal on the left and Little Formerly Naked Guy on the right.)
RMMD – The way Parker’s protector holds his fork makes me think less of ketchup-covered tater tots and more of eyeballs being skewered in a balletic orgy of vicious streetfighting ultraviolence. Laugh off Bully’s inevitable shanking with a wry observation, Funny Guy!
FC: Joke’s on you, Dolly. Jeffy, being a boy, is planning to stick that wad of gum in your hair.
FC: Dolly, that gum can’t do any worse than what Kitty Kat has already left there.
RMMD: I don’t know, maladjusted forty year old Jughead. But when you make your departing threat I don’t think wagging your forefinger like a scolding librarian is considered a cool move in the bully playbook.
MW: Last Tuesday: “You know, even with the well-deserved hate-on for Wilbur, this might just work, and it’s a bit sweet. He goes out with Mary and Jeff on the boat, says his final goodbyes, dumps Stellan back into the sea, and the group heads back. There’s been plenty of “return to the sea” funeral scenes akin to this, and even Moy couldn’t fuck up this scenario.”
Today: “I was wrong in underestimating Moy.”
BB: Okay, which one is using his barrel also as a urinal? Spoiler alert: all of them.
@Charterstoned: #29
Oh my gawd…I am breathless. You hit…it…out…of…the…park…again!!!!! I keep my rescue inhaler close at hand when I read your posts.
@Needless Exposition:I guess that them being apocalyptically stupid is better than the alternative in this case. Not by much, but still better…
S4th — I think Laura’s friend has the right idea, but they probably stole the idea from Young Sheldon.
I don’t know how accurate it is but this website (https://www.maxpreps.com/softball/stat-leaders/batting-average/ba/) has a high school softball ba leaderboard and .751 would be the 21st best batting average in 2024. That’s obviously very impressive, but given how much the average person cares about softball it probably wouldn’t get attention from anyone other than college recruiters.
MW: Ian and Toby are only going along with this because Mary told them Jeff’s yacht has a well-stocked liquor cabinet.
CS: Hey, Mason, where’s the giant, inflatable gorilla atop the marquee?
@Pozzo: I think I recognize that, but where does it come from?
@astroboy: Unfortunately, this. My father always told me to take my best shot at a bully, because it won’t stop otherwise. I finally broke under the stress in middle school and took a swing. When they called my father to tell him that I’d been suspended for fighting, he said to the principal “It’s about time the kid stood up for himself.” Never was bothered again.
@Needless Exposition:BB: General Halftrack has a realization that he could get rid of his problem with useless privates. . .
There is really only one appropriate response to this utterance, but the Modbot would slap me in jail and throw away the key.
@I speak Jive: re Cicadas: Yes, ma’am – those are authentic honest-to-gosh Cicadas. But when we sent ’em over to Rhymes w/Orange – the management there thought the red compound eyes were just too horrific for their sensitive audience to take. They try to keep things “light” over there. So they ended up having the Cicadas wear white contact lenses to seem more family friendly. Our clients were okay with it – they have some smaller, simple eyes which are enough to get them through a gig.
@Daisy: re GA: I knew it! I knew when I saw this today it would cause confusion! No, that’s not the “real” Libby – it’s not even a real Cat! Gasoline Alley still uses their mimeograph-generated-imagery (MGI) technology to create their Animal talent. But of course they need to have a “model” to mimeograph off of! And it looks like they lifted an image of Libby and turned it into that adorable Kitty! And they were even able to replace her missing eye! I had no idea their tech was *that* good.
They will soon be getting a strongly-worded email from us about this piracy.
@Banana Jr. 6000: Joe Shlabotnik could start for the Colorado Rockies.
@Anonymous: I follow CRANKSHAFT and have followed it since…*calculates* Arrrrrrgh. Anyway, rest assured that you have almost certainly spent that time in more productive ways.
Frazz: “The janitor says I don’t have to listen to you because you’re not an exercise fanatic.”
I watched Election this weekend and was amused by Matthew Broderick’s wife’s sex talk: Fill me up! Fill me up!
I wonder if that’s what Teej heard through the walls.
@WesC: I sullied myself for this inscrutable shit, and the best I can come up with is that the overlook twins are all growed up and sexified and having a jealous little tiff over an off-panel author-proxy (I daren’t say insert) character so Brooke can get off. If I’m wrong, I’m sure someone will tell me.
@Baja Gaijin: Can’t believe I’m saying this, but LUANN is on target.
@Stephen C: #110: “Every single pro athlete was once a high school kid who utterly dominated the game in their school district”
How true. Whenever they show old video clips of some big name pro’s high school games it looks like all the other guys are moving in slow motion in comparison.
@Charterstoned: HAR!! Also ewwwwww.
It’s a weird and special relationship, you having Mary in the dead pool and me having Doctor Jeff. It means that every time those two are together, both of us could faintly hope. Just one giant flaming meteorite could do it. Or an out-of-control bus.
CS: what have these people I don’t care about done to the place?
@richardf8: If the general has a problem with his useless privates that aren’t Beetle and his gang of knuckleheads, that’s what Viagra is for.
@Banana Jr. 6000: Schulz would not have called it a minor thing. He was a sports cartoonist before Peanuts.
@Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!: Sid, you’re always great about responding to questions and keeping us “in the know.” Thank you!
And on a PV side note, I almost feel sorry for Witgar and his dumb buddies. By stealing the black stone and heading for some other place where they think they will get a ruler decision that they will like better, they are deeply insulting Cat. Cat already decided on Baedwulf, very obviously. Cat is not a being I would want to insult, ever. Pity the fools.
@Liam:
Careful Liam. Josh reads is full of cyber bullies. That can break you with tweets, posts, and long URL’s that will break your smarty pants phone.
Beware and be afraid.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX:
Teej doesn’t listen through the walls. He has a special chair in the master bedroom to watch everything. Sometimes they will ask him to lend a “hand” to please everybody.
Heathcliff – They’ve been watching too much Match Game.
@Poteet: We should speak to Baja. Perhaps he would arrange for that flaming meteorite to hit, just as they’re dropping Stellan overboard.
GT: fine, I wrote a computer program to see if it was mathematically possible to get a 0.751 batting average in a reasonable amount of games. the earliest it can happen is with 127 hits at 169 at bats (0.751479). Assuming 4 at-bats per game (I’m guessing here, don’t watch softball ever) that would be 42 games which does seem a bit excessive for a high school team, but again, not an expert here
”Parker and Cory’s friend, three minutes earlier: “But why do people become bullies? ChatGPT, don’t fail me now!””
I think the reason varies between person to person
@I speak Jive: “One of these people?” Let’s be grateful Saul got involved in the final act. Any earlier and Wilbur would have gone whole hog on a shrine and Mausoleum to rival Bella’s.
@Needless Exposition: Wait, we can say that now?
@richardf8: Well, I did say that it’s all too easy to use Stellan not just for the deader than dead relationship of Wilbur and Estelle but also a metaphor for Wilbur’s penis: small, cold, and lifeless.
@richardf8: It’s strange that the modbot freaks over one brand name E.D. medication, but not another, isn’t it?
BB: I think this idea would have grossed me out even as a little girl, and I was a look-for-bugs-in-the-dirt little girl.
LUANN: RUH-roh. I’m wondering if Jonah the dad is going to be permanently written out of the story soon. Or, say, get into a car crash and be unable to care for his child at all for months. Or, say, be invited to join a theater troupe that will be touring through Asia for the next few years. leaving his sister with his child. One way or another, I have a bad feeling. Because seeing even MORE of Shannon is not repeat not a happy prospect.
@taig: Wait, you got there first. RUH-roh RUH-roh.
@Poteet: In some parts of Asia, Shannon would fetch an excellent price.
@Poteet: The only compliment I can give to Shannon is that she probably wouldn’t act like a special needs child over a goldfish.
@172 Charterstoned: I’ve sent flaming meteorites at that damned boat numerous times. Regular meteorites, smiling meteorites, ass-shaped flaming meteorites. Nothing sinks it.
@182 Needless Exposition: Special needs children are telling Wilbur to get over it already.
@richardf8: When Saul was mourning his dog, Mary meddled* him into adopting a new dog. Maybe that’s her next step with Wilbur – convincing** him to get a new goldfish. However, maybe the grief is greater with the loss of a goldfish than it is with dogs, and it’s too soon.
The old, bombastic windbag version of Ian would have set Wilbur straight. Too bad he was made over into a tranquilized teddy bear.
*forced
**forcing
RMMD: “He probably has a lot of emotional issues and he’s inappropriately directing his misplaced anger at YOU ”
“Or maybe he just enjoys being a prick and needs his ass kicked.”
“Now c’mon… that’s ridiculous “
@Baja Gaijin: Are you sure you’re using enough lighter fluid?
@186 Charterstoned: Next time I’ll have to get God to fart on it. Wait, I think I tried that. No luck.
@jroggs:
Ty Cobbs had the highest acting average in Major League history, with a career average of .3662 (note the lack of 0 before the stat.)
Maybe they mean an ERA for a pitcher, but 0.751 would still be astonishing.
Maybe she gets awarded first base because she knocked kid an outfielder unconscious. If it had gone out of the park, she might have been given an automatic home run. Maybe if the field’s fence was so darn close in that direction and she hit it out of the park, it might have been a ground rule single. Never heard of that before, but perhaps the girls play in such a fourth rate tiny field that they invent rules like that.
@Ukulele Ike: #46: Sorry to disappoint, Ike, but the original Robbie is not in a museum. Until 2017 he was in the private collection of some wealthy Chester Hagglemore type with an obsession for the movie “Forbidden Planet”. It was then sold at auction for close to 5.4 million, the highest price ever paid for a movie prop. Robbie currently makes public appearances and occasional TV roles.
Correction: Ty Cobbs – highest batting average over his career.
In 1943, probably when a lot baseball players had already been drafted or volunteered to serve in WWII, someone named Tetelo Vargas had a single season high batting average of .4711
9cl: when did the twins become adolescents? I don’t follow the strip.
@Poteet: PV named a character for what Kit says to Devil when he pees on the carpet?
@Professor Well Actually: About a week ago. At least, for now. The characters in this strip age and de-age at random. I’d say it’s jumping around on a timeline, but other characters don’t age up in parallel.
Anti-Late Thread Cuisine: ATMs for fine cheese! NOTE: Link is to the Daily Mail website.
@Anonymous:
MLB recently incorporated stats from the Negro Leagues into their records, so the new record is .372, held by Josh Gibson.
@Cleveland Mocks:
New career record, that is.
JP:. Ronnie is the first one to tell Ned, “NO!”. A true friend, she’s trying to prevent Ned from crossing over to MW 2.”
The best friend for Ned and the one for Soph are almost identical. Hmm, what’s the name again in film for lone black actor who has no real personality nor any issues other than to be advisor to the protagonist?
Late Thread Cuisine: Is this appropriate for Wilbur’s ridiculously embarrassing Tik-Tok ready fish funeral? I think so.
@Cleveland Mocks: #42
Perfect!!
@Cleveland Mocks: #195: We had a guy here in Houston on one of the radio sports blather shows who would not use or quote any MLB records before 1947 because in his words the best players weren’t allowed to play.
@Guillermo el chiclero: Does this collector also own Anne Francis’s legs? Those are the main things I remember about Forbidden Planet.
All private art/artifact collectors should be strung up by the heels and their collections put on public display, for free. Except me — I should be able to put whatever I want in my house. And I should get first pick.
Ty Cobb…wasn’t he the baseballer who beat up a heckler who had no hands? What a Georgia peach.
@Peanut Gallery: #88
…and a *talking* dinosaur puppet, at that!!
@Ukulele Ike: As far as I can make out, the guy Ty beat up had both his hands, but had lost most of his fingers. He was an asshole, but probably didn’t deserve what Ty did. On the other hand, Cobb had his issues, most of them arising after his mother shot his father, but a lot of the stories about his vicious personality and racism seem exaggerated. He appears to have been fairly popular with his fellow players, and often spoke about black ball players with considerable respect.
@Baja Gaijin: On first glance, without my glasses, I thought they were flattened frogs.
@Activist 1234: And Ronnie is very well aware of it too!
@Baja Gaijin: #194 – Re Fromage machines – fantastique.
@Baja Gaijin: #198 – Late thread cuisine: That looks terrible, but I didn’t see anything objectionable in the ingredients, unless garoupa is grouper. That’s the only fish I’ve eaten that I didn’t like.
What are the yellow-orangish garnishes? They look like a cross between bats and angels. Do they represent Stellan’s escorts to the afterlife?
@Baja Gaijin: Try again. Recipe should call for carp.
@Cleveland Mocks: @Cleveland Mocks:
I stand corrected. Thank you.
After my post, I looked up the player and realized that he was in the Negro League, and knew that their stats had only recently been recognized, finally acknowledging them for the phenoms that they were.
@Professor Well Actually: The twins became adolescents less than two weeks ago. They were still apparently preschoolers just prior to that. This is presumably a flash-forward, although the timeline of the 9CL-verse has been flaky for a while.
@Joshua K.:And their mother looks exactly the same age
@Poteet: Currently it seems like Shannon lives with Toni and Brad all the time and her father is completely out of the picture. If the Evanses actually wrote in a reason why Shannon’s father never seems to be around, that would help bring some coherence to the story. On the other hand, it would probably mean a lot more Shannon stories, which are of no interest to me.
@vince: Nice work. I’ll add on that this number requires AT BATS, not PLATE APPEARANCES. This means that walks, hit-by-pitch, and sacrifices do not count towards the needed ABs, and Keri would draw an awful lot of walks if they’re this automatic when putting the ball in play. So figure well over 200 PAs. And that relatively low RBI total means that Keri’s teammates did them no favors in helping generate those PAs either. The only player I’ve seen with over 169 ABs (and 200 PAs) played a whopping (and extremely atypical) 54 games; most leagues seem to play less than half that.
So it’s not quite mathematically impossible. Just practically impossible.
Beetle Bailey: “Man. Now that’s a real shame when folks be throwin’ away three perfectly good white boys like that.”
Gil Thorp: Little kids at the swimming pool like to play “Marco!” “Polo!” “Marco!” “Polo!”
Somewhat bigger kids at the softball diamond play “Poon!” “Tang!”
@Baja Gaijin: Were today’s strip continued to one more panel, which of the five linked would you prefer to be canon?
Fifth one. Clearly the best. Fight me.
@Maude R. Fawker: “Poon” is a hug! “Tang” is a kiss!
@Baja Gaijin: “Paper wrapped?” As in, the best thing that can be done with this is to wrap it in paper before throwing it away?
@Baja Gaijin: It’s a take on a cooking style from French cuisine but with fish that are bottom feeders who take on the taste of their environment. Much like the guests you would serve something like this to.
@Baja Gaijin, @I speak Jive:
What about the paper? The recipe tells you to wrap the fish in greaseproof paper, a product which isn’t intended to be edible, and then deep-fry it. (Not so greaseproof NOW, are ya? HA!) It seems to me this would result in something you can’t eat without eating at least some of the paper.
@206 I speak Jive: “Garoupa” is Spanish for, wait for it, “grouper.”
@207 richardf8: Carp? I found a recipe with the same four letters as “carp”: crap.
@215 Fight Me: There is no pleasing you. I immortalize your words and this is the thanks I get. See if I immortalize your words again.
@217 taig: The paper is to increase the meal’s visual grodiness.
@218 Needless Exposition: I lived in Europe for a while and visited France a few times. No one served me cooked food still in its wrapper. At least, not on purpose as in this recipe.
@219 Peanut Gallery: You know who eats trash fish and isn’t picky about eating packaging? Pluggers!
@Professor Well Actually: 9CL: I don’t follow the strip.
Trust me, you’re better off.
@Baja Gaijin: Fish en papillote is what I’m thinking about where you cook white fish and vegetables in a parchment paper packet to let it steam in its own juices and make a tender fish. It’s similar to baked salmon in foil.
Josh,od@Baja Gaijin:
Don’t break your brain over the stats,Josh, Kari got the Tang™ sponsor contract, that’s the important thing.
Keri Thorp – the catcher – has had a terrific season. Keri Thorp – the shortstop – has had an awful season. Keri Thorp – the outfielder – is doing okay.
Rambling, if you’re lurking out there, I just sketched an Otter reading from a comically long paper roll in your honor. I hope your ramblings will soon bring you back here.
Tang sucks.
@223 Needless Exposition: I looked up that recipe. The pictures make the fish, etc., look tasty, not like garbage.
@224 Garrison Skunk: Whaaa?
@226 Garrison Skunk: Are you keeping the drawing a secret? I don’t see it.
@Baja Gaijin: Yeah, the recipe card just makes it look like it’s greasy parsley filled paper.
@richardf8:
#205:. And “magical Black friend” it is! Thanks, Richard. (Whatta condescending trope.)
@Peanut Gallery:
The night they invented Morning Thunder tea.
@Peanut Gallery: Re the “greaseproof paper” – I’m guessing, but maybe parchment paper wasn’t well known when or where this recipe was developed.
For some reason I just thought of how cholera epidemics in the 1800s were traced to butcher paper that was made of mummy wrappings.
@Rube: @richardf8: It’s strange that the modbot freaks over one brand name E.D. medication, but not another, isn’t it
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Tonight on MOD BOT SQUAD (in color) with Special Guest Star Avery Schreiber and also starring Bart Braverman as Kinky Winky. — Tonight’s Episode : “IF YOU EXPERIENCE AN EXTENDED PERIOD OF DEATH LONGER THAN FOUR HOURS, PLEASE CONTACT A PHYSICIAN” Directed by Leo Penn.
@Needless Exposition: I actually realized that they probably could have just used wonton skins instead of the “grease proof” paper which probably would have worked a lot better.
@232 I speak Jive: These things would look better with mummy wrappings.
@234 Needless Exposition: Back then, you couldn’t get used wonton skins at the supermarket. New ones either.
@richardf8: @Baja Gaijin: Try again. Recipe should call for carp.
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“Call for Phillip Carpiss!”, Gary Morris’ son (adapted).
Warning: The Surgeon General has concluded that smoking carp is hazardous to your health,stick to tuna, or the occasional eel,instead.
@Baja Gaijin: Yeah, Asian supermarkets were not as common in those days, especially when you weren’t in an area with a notable Asian population.
@Baja Gaijin: @234 Needless Exposition: Back then, you couldn’t get used wonton skins at the supermarket. New ones either.
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But you COULD get “Won Ton Ton: The Dog Who Saved Hollywood” on VHS.
@Baja Gaijin: There is no pleasing you. I immortalize your words and this is the thanks I get. See if I immortalize your words again.
I thought I was highlighting your wisdom in choosing the “fight us” concept from yesterday. Or did I miscount? Me so confused; I might have to fight myself.
GT: As for batting .751 — Mike Trout the best high school draftee in the majors in the past decade or so, batted .530 in high school. Albert Pujols, one of the greatest hitters of all time (and alleged to have been a couple years older than his listed age because of immigration documentation issues) batted .460 in high school.
So yes, the kid who gets a hit 75% of the time (not to mention how much she must get walked if she’s that dominant a hitter), would probably be a national story.