Mostly suburban trauma
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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 6/15/24
Today’s Barney Google and Snuffy Smith punchline isn’t bad exactly. It’s a perfectly serviceable newspaper comic strip gag. There’s no shame in writing it, or in publishing it. But it’s not good, either, and it definitely doesn’t merit the insanely smug expression Jughaid is aiming at us through the fourth wall in the final panel. Settle down kid, it’s just a grape joke. Nobody’s gonna remember it tomorrow, but they are going to remember how off-putting you’re being.
Dennis the Menace, 6/15/24
Honestly, a little kid not just agreeing to look at old pictures with an old person but actually asking to do it seems like it would be an absolute dream scenario for said old person. The fact that Mr. Wilson is so firmly rejecting this offer really tells you a lot about the hell on Earth that is his Dennis-adjacent lifestyle.
Hi and Lois, 6/15/24
The project of reclaiming Thirsty’s original characterization as the neighborhood drunk has been getting grimmer for some time, and has entered a truly dark phase now, as his wife begs him to seek counseling, for her sake if not for his own, and he refuses in an incredibly dickish bait-and-switch designed to briefly give her hope that her awful home life might someday improve. What really makes this strip to me is the first panel, where you can see that Thirsty initially planned to just do a shot, but then changed his mind and decided to fill up a tumbler instead, so that he could really linger over that XXX-brand brown liquor flavor.
202 replies to “Mostly suburban trauma”
Mary Worth Mashup: Were I Mary, this what I’d do.
Family Circus Mashups: Which of these do you think is really on Daddy’s mind?
BGSS: Honestly it’s a workable joke. You won’t see me trying to wine about it.
H&L: I wonder what it is that Thirsty’s been trying to forget by killing his brain cells with alcohol. Certainly not his infamous stud services that have led to an outbreak of blondes. Perhaps he was caught in the act and the things he had to do were so traumatic that he’s been self medicating from the advice of a 19th century doctor…
MW: I would say it’s time to reset the “Days Without a Wilbur Weston Pity Party” sign but it hasn’t even been a day in comic book time since the last one. Also we all know that “no one” in Wilbur Speak means “a woman out of my league whose world revolves around me” rather than his daughter or anyone who gives him more tolerance than he deserves.
@Baja Gaijin:
MW – And stay under water!
FC – got to be Esme… also Auntie Acid made me vomit.
@Baja Gaijin: It’s a shame that didn’t happen; we could have gotten rid of both of them. And you know that Big Daddy Keane is thinking about the bear covered in pie.
Snuffy Smith :
…”CalYfornYa”?
Also, I prefer seeing Jughaid smirk than any of the Funkyverse characters.
***********
Mary Worth : “No one else seems to care”… I suspect most ‘mudges will take the “People do not care about this because it is NOT something worth caring about, Wilbur” tack, but I’m going with “No one else seems to care… Because no one else KNOWS about this! You’ve been hiding away for WEEKS, ghosting everyone! Mary is the only person who cares about your problem because she’s the only person you’ve told about it!”
MW: Of COURSE the world cares, Wilbur! Why, as we speak, the flags are being lowered to half-staff by Presidential decree, and ground is being broken for The Stellan Weston Memorial Koi Pond!
You moron.
DtM: There must be some racy Polaroids in those crumbling albums.
H&L: The golf pros cower under the counter as Thirsty demolishes the pro shop with his niblick.
BGSS: Okies, grapes, California…dang, there’s probably a good Grapes of Wrath joke in there, but its Saturday morning and I just can’t be bothered…
DtM: Hmmm, it appears that Mr Wilson has learned that he doesn’t need to participate in set-ups for for corny jokes and can just make Dennis leave. Has this comic character somehow gained sentience and broken the very rules of his own reality? Truly chilling stuff.
H&L: “Sorry, I meant to say ‘swig’. I’m still drinking, I’m just doing it on the golf course!”
DtM: The problem with a lengthy stand-off between a five-year-old and a septugenarian is that neither of their bladders are going to be up to the task, and sure enough, the inevitable has happened.
RMMD:
‘Parker, how would you like to meet Katie Holmes? — c’mon to my creek!”
MW:
I would’ve liked today’s panels a lot, lot better if they’d shown Wilbur as dressed in a sailor suit.
DtM: Wilson realizes if anyone is going to connect the 25 year-old Most Wanted poster hanging in the post office to a photo from his youth it’s this brat.
DtM:
Another day, another strip in which all the displayed characters are shown as suffering from rosacea, telangiectasis, or both.
If Mr Wilson wants to keep Dennis out, he could just lock his door. Or surround his property with an electrified fence. Or get a restraining order. Or….
BG/SS:
“Aunt Loweezy, how come there ain’t nobody else on the face of the earth who talks anywhere, let alone jist, like us?”
“Well, ‘Zippy’ gives us a run for our money when it comes to elision at least.”
Crankshaft – Smirk!
Ye gods, the one artist’s enormous head really bothers me. I guess it’s called drawing.
Rhymes With Orange – I suspect that pizza would have the same effect as a can of Beef-A-Reeno.
Frazz – As blather topics go, this week’s has been more inane than usual.
Mary Worth – Imagine that Mary goes to the neighbors, tells them about Stellan, and invites them to the post funeral get together. (She wants to invite them to the actual funeral, but they won’t all fit on the boat.) A sane, normal person would roll on the floor in laughter to the point of tears, then pick themselves up to say, “Are you serious? A funeral for a fucking FISH?!”
Crankshaft: Based on today’s strip, it seems clear Tom Batiuk assumes he’ll be honored for his own long career some day, but can I say how impressive it is that he’s managed to give us over 50 years of fond memories and hearty laughs? Without gagging, I mean, and the answer is no.
@Baja Gaijin: Family Circus mashups – I vote for Esme the entertainer. As for Aunty Acid and Pluggers – you do know that some of us read the comics and Josh while we’re eating breakfast, don’t you?
Mr. Wilson’s not kicking Dennis out–he’s telling him that if he really wants to see what the life of a mail carrier was like back in the day, no photo album’s going to cut it. They’ve got to hit the street. See the hole in the sidewalk on Third they still haven’t fixed, chuckle darkly at the old house with the faded “Beware of Dog’ sign. Where is that dog, anyway? Dead in the ground, that’s where. Sign should have said “Beware of Time.” And there – the corner where hotshot young by-the-books Trainee Wilson first locked eyes with a poodle-skirt-wearing hellcat named Martha “The Mail Tamperer” Grzewski, and began a fiery rivalry that would, in time, become something more. Mr. Wilson’s album isn’t made of Polaroids, Dennis, it’s made of pavement squares and postage stamps, and the only way to see it is to walk it.
BGSS: Lil’ Tater is, of course, going for the “afters,” so named for the dehydrated grapes pooped out similarly to expensive coffee beans pooped out by wild palm civets. In this case, it’s an Appalachian cryptid, probably with an owl head where there shouldn’t be one, that poops out the raisins.
DtM: “Next time I’m over, break out the hour-long slide show.”
HnL: I wonder if they’re going to show the strip where Thirsty gets an intervention at the 19th hole.
@I speak Jive:
Crankshaft : Ye gods, the one artist’s enormous head really bothers me. I guess it’s called drawing.
My personal theory for why Flash Freeman and Phil Holt have those gross, overly-elongated heads is because they were introduced to the strip while Rick Burchett was doing the art, and Rick Burchett was drawing EVERY character with that kind of overly-elongated head. Their heads remained overly-elongated even after Burchett left because, having been introduced during his tenure, there was no character model sheet of those two characters where their heads were normal, so there’s no guide on how to draw them on-model WITHOUT their heads being grossly overly-elongated.
Frazz: “Let’s see what else can I rag on drummers about…Oh, they’re smelly, almost always alcoholics, and they’re lazy. I enjoy having these chats with you, Frazz.”
Luann: Luann, you’re (very) technically an adult now. That old lady could throw you out onto the street.
CS: The WHERE-IS-MY-PULITZER?!? sketch, everyone.
9CL: Jacob “imprinting” on Baby Renesmee was less creepy than this garbage.
FC: He has four children he can somehow turn into a lucrative franchise.
MW: Why is Wilbur being written as a child? I think Shannon displays more maturity than this man-baby.
Zits: Jeremy is going to end up volunteering Hector to be coal for the engine.
@Baja Gaijin: Mary would never do that for Wilbur, though.
Bil is milquetoast enough to dream of pie.
MW: Willa waited expectantly at the surface of the aquarium for Wilbur to pick her up and escort her to Stellan’s funeral. She had chosen her outfit carefully, one she thought would be suitable for a bereaved widow: a trim, navy blue dress with half sleeves, low heels to match, and the single strand of freshwater pearls that Stellan had given her on their wedding day. She recalled him telling her at the time that he wished they could have been finer, and that one day, when their situation improved, he would bedeck her with the most expensive pearls money could buy. That day would never come. She suppressed a grief-stricken sob, her tears mingling with the clouding water in the lonely confines of the tank. She quickly brushed away the salty drops and checked the dress watch on her left fin. Where WAS that Wilbur? It was well past the time when they should be leaving. She broke the surface to listen for his usual bodily noises, but the apartment was silent and empty. Willa sank dejectedly to the bottom of the tank as she realized Wilbur had forgotten all about her. She slowly removed her lace gloves. With a sigh of bubbles, she unclasped the pearl necklace and returned it to the ornate plastic treasure chest that was set slightly askew in the pink gravel that carpeted the aquarium. She gazed through the glass at the large framed portrait of Stellan that hung on the living room wall, pressing against the tank, as if to get as close as possible to her lost love. What was it Dawn had said? “Life is brutal.”
MW: Actually, Mary and Jeff don’t care either. They’re just setting you up for America’s Funniest Home Videos.
DtM: That album of his contains photos of young Martha that are not at all suitable for children’s eyes.
Blondie: Dopey Dag just played himself and doesn’t know it. That THAT’S menacing!
Frazz: Smug and Smugger beat another inane topic to death.
MW – “No one else seems to care” because it’s a GOLDFISH, you dimwitted, emotionally-stunted boy-man-blob. Grow TF up.
JP: Neddy wouldn’t recognize a normal family life if she tripped over it.
Phantom: There are at least three things in that strip that you don’t see every day.
DtM – An adult who is insulted by a request to look at old pictures accompanied by a five-year-old who uses the phrase “showing me the door” is a scenario that can only be constructed by a cartoonist on deadline.
Mary Worth: An opportunity to show Wilbur’s shadow doing the “finger-down-the-throat, make-me-puke” gesture, wasted.
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith: Give the kid a break. He knows that raisins come from grapes — in Hootin’ Holler, that makes him Valedictorian.
DtM: “Gee, Mr. Wilson, in these old photos you really look swell in your army uniform! What does the ‘SS‘ on the collar stand for?”
@astroboy re MW: Also, “No one else seems to care” because, until Mary barged in the other day, you were in seclusion and never told anybody! Then, again, if you had, the likeliest reaction would match the last part of astroboy’s comment.
Don Abundio, translated:
“Melo, I built this to help you remove the snow”
“Thanks, boss! I’ll try it right now!”
“I have to humor the old fool, but he’s ruined a perfectly good lawnmower”
@Charterstoned: #25 — poignant — maybe it’ll be featured Sunday.
MW: I’m going to take a wild guess and predict Mary has bullied a bunch of people to attend this pathetic funeral in support of the mentally ill Wilbur. After the funeral the gang will head to the karaoke bar.
@taig: Yeesh, I look away from this strip for several pleasant months and THIS is what McEldowney is getting up to?
Setting aside the stuff about a half-Chinese half-simp baby turned into Amos’s dad at 16 years old and tried to marry two women several years older than him that he regards as cousins, probably the most disappointing but expected end result of this is just yet another Amos-and-Edda relationship right down to the classical music obsession and mistress-thrall pianofucking. Every single time with this guy, never any variation.
JP: “… and keep smiling!” And so the strip ends….
JP: “For instance, I’m looking ahead to killing you for your family’s money!” (“Oops, did I say that out loud?”)
SF: Again, I say leave the insufferable brat behind. She’s on record as not wanting to go and you barely tolerate her at the best of times.
Luann: “After all, if something happened to you, who would make me snacktime, pick up after me and wipe my bottom?”
RMMD: Bad touch.
H&L: A better comeback for old Thirsty would have been “You’re right, they just hired a new mixologist down at the The Boardroom, I’m off!”
BG&SS – This is some sort of commentary on the geriatric bent of American presidential electoral affairs…right?
DtM – It’s not like I asked to see your dick….
H&L – Yes – the golf pro will help – in a scintillating discussion of human physiology and motion physics while knocking back a few at the 19th hole….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
@3 Anonymous: Would you rather have seen my first choice for Aunty Acid instead?
@5 Anonymous: on Mary Worth: Good point. He has hidden his stupid grief under a bushel basket, so to speak.
REX MORGAN M.D.: I guess the teacher has the cushiest job in the city, since he does not need to get back to class apparently.
REX MORGAN M.D. (2): Parker: “I didn’t even get a chance to win him over with my hip, up-to-date jokes about Greta Garbo and the Charleston. Those are the type of references modern teens can relate too.”
Mr Dawson: “Ok I can see why middle-aged Eddie Haskell there was bullying you now.”
@17 I speak Jive: As for Aunty Acid and Pluggers – you do know that some of us read the comics and Josh while we’re eating breakfast, don’t you? And some people are eating supper/dinner when I post the Late Thread Cuisine monstrosities. I feel you’re trying to tell me something yet I can’t exactly figure out what.
@24 taig: She’s not diving into the pool to save Wilbur. She’s hiding from him.
@25 Charterstoned: Awww. Now I have some dust in my eyes.
FC: “Daddy says he already has the best Father’s Day gift of all. . . . What’s a vasectomy?”
RWO: It’s Wilbur’s leftover stale Pizza.
The Family Circus Spanish to English.
@Baja Gaijin: I missed all the clues.
@46 taig: “…Mary awakens from a disturbing dream.” When she realized Wilbur moping over a dead goldfish then she cleaning his apartment wasn’t a dream, she had to get out of there and pronto.
@Baja Gaijin: I added a hidden step wherein Wilbur decided to give himself and Stellan a burial at sea, but lazily.
H&L: Can nostalgia for the comedy stylings of Foster Brooks and Crazy Guggenheim be far behind?
@Baja Gaijin: We all need a little Esme in our lives.
@48 taig: Poor Mary. Jumped in the pool in her extremely unsexy flannel nightie for nothign.
Nancy – Not everyone is on board with Olivia Jaimes’ Nancy, but her last panel today is the stuff that keeps me reading it.
H&L: Thirsty was using the shot glass to mix a cocktail, he didn’t just happen to switch to a tumbler with ice cubes. An alcoholic following recipes seems like a functioning alcoholic. For now.
MW: Wilbur, no one else cares because you’ve spent the last few weeks locked in your room like some kind of crazed recluse totally incommunicado from the rest of the civilized world.
@Ukulele Ike: #49: At least Crazy Guggenheim (real name Frank Fontaine) could sing. Can Thirsty?
Dennis the Menace: “No, Dennis, you wanted to see my albums, so I’m showing you the Doors, get it?” [Blank stare] “George, are you sure you don’t want that dementia evaluation?”
MW: At the beginning of this week, I thought Mary knew this dead goldfish was nothing but a symbol of Wilbur’s selfish romantic frustrations. By Wednesday, I realized she didn’t. Today, it’s obvious that Moy doesn’t even know it.
Seriously, Wilbur. Nobody’s there but you. You can stop this act.
H&L: Funny how the strip is bringing back Thirsty’s persona as the neighborhood drunk when they tried so hard to underplay it as the loveable lush character fell out of public favor back in the 80s. When the sequel to “Arthur” came out Siskel and Ebert made note of how times and the public view of alcoholism have changed. In the first film Dudley Moore’s character was funny and charming while in the second he came off as pathetic.
MARY WORTH: Wilbur, I can promise you that Jeff doesn’t care either. He’s just doing it because he wants access to Mary’s muffin…if you know what I mean (I mean the kind from Jiffy, pervs, since that’s the only kind Mary will ever serve him.)
From what we’ve seen of the Smith family “grocery shopping”, Hootin’ Holler in surprisingly close to a vineyard. And what we know of hillbilly stereotypes, they’re just going to eat the grapes instead of making alcohol with them?
Snuffy – “MAW! You know raisins trigger my Will Vinton phobia! I may be a grotesque homunculus, but them claymation dojiggers is creepy.”
BG&SS: Those raisins are actually rabbit turds sweetened with a little molasses.
Among all the other appalling things about today’s Hi and Lois, let’s not lose track of the fact that Thirsty is going to drive to the golf course after having drunk at least one full tumbler of whiskey.
PBS: I can so relate to Rat…those “resealable” packages drive me crazy too.
MW, panel 3: “Wilbur! I said a swim suit!”
Fred Basset Spanish to English.
Hi and Lois-Meanwhile out at sea Mary Worth’s ears start to burn.
MW-“No one else seems to care.” Ya got that right, Wilbur.
MW-Wilbur gets to Mary’s apartment and discovers there is a line of depressed people wanting to give their loved ones a final sendoff.
Snuffy strips almost inevitably end with a character appearing to laugh at the gag, which I find annoying as hell! This is perhaps a subtle variation. Still self conscious and unfunny.
Would Thursty’s line have been funnier had his actor, Ponsonby Britt,O.B.E., agreed to deliver his full line as written… “He can help me swing, you know, sexually!”, instead of arguing that it’s not 1964 anymore. Irma’s reaction would certainly make more sense.
@Baja Gaijin: #1
Good heavens – where did you get image #2 (pun intended)?! You are amazing!
@Rube:
Among all the other appalling things about today’s Hi and Lois, let’s not lose track of the fact that Thirsty is going to drive to the golf course after having drunk at least one full tumbler of whiskey.
___________________
They could then rip off the MASH punchline when B.J. said “Golf?!? Are you kidding? I’m too drunk to drive!”
@Guillermo el chiclero:
Where have you gone, Foster Brooks, our nation turns it’s lonely eyes to you. Woo woo woo.
@1 Baja Gaijin:
I would have commented earlier but it took me a while to get over Auntie Acid on a toilet.
@Tabby Lavalamp:
And what we know of hillbilly stereotypes, they’re just going to eat the grapes instead of making alcohol with them?
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“Al-key-hol comes from grapes, now?!?”- Snuffulious “Snuffy” Smith
LUANN:. Gotta admit, both Luann and Candorville made me giggle out loud this morning. Perhaps my giggle standards are lower on Saturdays.
BETWEEN FRIENDS:. Geesh, Maeve, get your friends and social life OUTSIDE the office. And leave that intern alone, you’re looking like a cougar. In France, do museums or nonprofits or sport teams or hospitals use volunteers?
@Sequitur:
I would have commented earlier but it took me a while to get over Auntie Acid on a toilet.
____________________________
“Is that a Timothy Leary joke?”-Jo Anne Worley, “Laugh-in Looks at The News in the far off date of 2024”
Good night, Dick.
@64 Daisy:
When I can’t get a resealable bag to work I just fold over the top and put a clothespins on it. It keeps me from having to freak.
Snuffy Smith: “Oh yeah, reader, we went there. Bet you thought we’d never be bold enough to go for a fruit pun, eh? Who says newspaper comics are lame and boring?”
Dennis The Menace: After nearly a century of being tormented by Dennis, Mr. Wilson has finally had the stunning revelation that he’s a grown man who can just throw this annoying neighbor kid off his property.
Hi And Lois: This strip has kinda stopped telling jokes and began just being a depiction of two dysfunctional families slowly imploding. Which is, admittedly, an improvement.
@taig:
@Baja Gaijin: I missed all the clues
_______________________________
It was Wilbur Weston in Mary Worth’s Sex Room with the frozen fish corpse.
CRANKSHAFT: You know what would also signify “recognition of your work”, Flash? If, say, you were up for a lifetime achievement award at a comic con (along with some woman creator, which is silly because we’re in the timeline where girls don’t like comic books now). But nothing significant happens at those events (like, say, reconnecting with an old creative partner who faked their death), so it’d probably be unmemorable and un-noteworthy anyway.
CRANKSHAFT (2): Yes, few years from now, an 137 year-old Batiuk will finally be around to witness his dream come true at seeing the long-awaited Funky Winkerbean omnibus arrive, just as relevant and popular it is now (I,.e. not very)
Blondie: Wait a minute — the ice cream truck was in the neighborhood and Dagwood just sat there?
Snuffy Smith: Red grapes are currently $3.99 per pound at my local supermarket chain, and I imagine they cost even more at the single, tiny general store serving Hootin’ Holler. That can’t be within the Smifs’ budget, so it looks as if Snuffy has been spending his free time raiding some of the commercial wine vineyards that dot the Appalachian Mountains. Not only does that allow him to swipe perfectly shaped bunches of muscadines and labruscas to feed his family, but it decreases the fancy bottled competition for his award-winning backyard moonshine.
Dennis the Menace: Martha doesn’t even care about George’s fights with the neighbor boy anymore. She’s just going about her business, fantasizing about that day in the future when she’ll go stabby-stabby on her husband with a knitting needle.
Hi and Lois: Thirsty actually gave up the sauce months ago, which is why he’s consuming “X-Drinker’s Non-Alcoholic Whisky for Mocktails and Pranks.” Now his real personality is finally coming through — and, yep, he’s still a jerk.
Pluggers: Uh-oh… I think today’s Pluggers has a credible alternative theory for the origins of COVID.
LUANN: Nancy: “Hi Luann. I was just busy here forging Greg Evans signature. So what’s up?”
LUANN (2): I love Puddles’s reaction. “Mrs Horner’s kidneys are failing? How exciting! Ruff ruff!”
@2+2=7: the long-awaited Funky Winkerbean omnibus arrive,
__________________________________
Did they finally make a dead tree version of the Funky Wiki at http://www.funkU.com?
@Garrison Skunk: #72: Foster Brooks was actually a pretty good singer. As the public taste turned against the loveable lush character Brooks turned towards straight acting roles.
@84 Garrison Skunk:
What the hell is that?
Crank: OH FOR PETE’S SAKE! You guys won awards, your stupid comic was made into a movie series, Batty can’t resist any opportunity to have people tell you how amazing you are! (Remember Ruby Lith’s lifetime achievement award? Remember the three nanoseconds of it that was about her?) Could you maybe stop with the whole “Well, it’s taken a long time, but at last our work is being appreciated” bit?
FC: The greatest Father’s Day gift of all is lying in a hammock outside thinking about your kids. And how they’re inside, and therefore your wife’s problem.
HtH: Hmm, I’m sure the strip has previously indicated that Hägar is Norwegian, and I’ve based a lot of my “I’m not sure this is historically accurate” snark on that. But “East of England” suggests more East than North, which would make him Danish, or possibly from southern Sweden.
Pluggers: Like brushing their teeth.
SH:We’re sticking with “Ming’s hair has spontaneously become prehensile to hold the camera because her arms have become manta fins”, huh? Holbrook hasn’t looked at his own artwork and suddenly thought “Wait a minute, I’m clearly drawing her with normal hands at the end of the manta fins!”
CROSS COM: MW- Wilbur, get thee over to Saturday’s Doonesbury for a lesson in the impermanence of the pleasures of life.
ZITS:. Life lesson for teens- when using public transit, take the train, bus, or plane BEFORE the one you need, to allow for transfer.
Snuffy: If the grapes you eat end up looking like raisins after, see your doctor immediately.
@Guillermo el chiclero: Yet Peter O’Toole was a stitch playing alcoholic movie star Alan Swann in My Favorite Year. (Although he had to play pathetic drunk as well as funny drunk for that role.) The talent of the actor may have something to do with it.
@87 Horace Broon:
I can never remember what SH is but that’s okay because it’s obviously something I don’t read.
@Baja Gaijin:
Slylick Fox And Komix For Kinx- “Number One Tongue” is also the title Cassandra uses when she introduces Slylick to her friends.
@Activist 1234: A lot of folks would suggest that Maeve go to church to find herself a fuck buddy, but I don’t think you catch many Frenchmen under eighty at services any more.
@BigTed: I’ve tasted wines from Appalachian vineyards. Hillbillies would be doing America a favor if they stole and ate up all the grapes before the vintners could get their hands on them.
@Sequitur: Bill Holbrook comic strips — tuck up your skirts and run like the wind. Faster! Away! Away!
@Sequitur:
I can never remember what SH is
_______________________________
“Safe Hagars”, it’s about a Viking crew that goes around turning people into centauresses and mermaids to satisfy the sexual cravings of the ship’s cook’s fetishes (or is that fetish-i?)
@94 Ukulele Ike:
Oh, yeah. Safe Havens. A comic I don’t read and would never recommend others to do so.
Well, maybe an enemy.
@Needless Exposition: #2
“ Honestly it’s a workable joke. You won’t see me trying to wine about it”
There’s a raisin why your puns are so grape – they’re currant!
*Daisy: giggles and runs from the room*
JP:. Neddy, Declan’s statement raises so many red flags even a mole could see them! (Insightful pun intended). So April’s background check was cleared by April herself. Just how big IS this time family?
@Ukulele Ike:
Peter O’Toole’s not an actor, he’s a MOVIE STAR, Stoneberg!
@Anonymous: #5
Exactly – that was my first thought too. Did Wilbur honestly believe everyone in Charterstone should instinctively have known about his mental breakdown if he didn’t tell them? That is pure self-centeredness to think others “should know how I feel without me telling them.” What a pathetic little man.
@Daisy:
There’s a raisin why your puns are so grape – they’re currant!
*Daisy: giggles and runs from the room*
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Ernest and Julio Gallo’s humor! I love it!
@I speak Jive: #15
“ Frazz – As blather topics go, this week’s has been more inane than usual.”
For heaven’s sake…no kidding. Those two knuckleheads deserve each other.
@taig:
#21. FRAZZ:. Let’s see, isn’t Frazz’s real work as a songwriter/ musician? He really shouldn’t be knocking his potential customers. Or perhaps he does, which is why he still has to have a full-time day job.
@Steph: #18
Ha!!
@I speak Jive:
#14. MW:. Rarely do people go to funerals for the sake of the insentient corpse (human or pet) but rather, for the sake of the survivors. And these folks all think the world of Willa.
@97 Daisy:
Uh oh. You just gave Stephan Pastis an idea.
@Sequitur: Considering the discussion we had recently about the nightmare world that is Kevin and Kell, do we need to discuss any more of his works? Safe Havens comes off as fetish fuel for people who are afraid to be furries.
LUANN: Like many LUANN strips, this one has more than one stupid meaning. Readers were recently informed that Luann is indeed nineteen, which means she has been nineteen for about eight years, though it seems much longer to some of us, meaning me. But what about Mrs. Horner? If Luann is age-frozen at nineteen, how come Mrs. Horner wasn’t age-frozen at eighty or so, instead of being relentlessly and cruelly pushed toward her grave? And what about Nancy? Is Nancy age-frozen, in which case Luann’s question is just dumb, or is Nancy aging in real time, in which case Luann’s question is both sinister and sadistic?
On a side note, have the Evansii made Mrs. Horner ninety-two just to make really sure she isn’t eligible for a kidney transplant? I’m not crazy about Mrs. Horner, but being used as a Lesson About Death for Luann is a fate no character deserves. Also, I might as well mention just once more that I am annoyed that I remember the black cat that Luann gave to Mrs. Horner years ago, whereas the Evansii have shown no sign of remembering it. But I can hope that the cat made the leap into a better strip, maybe with the help of that great agent Sid.
@Steph: Ooh, that’s good!
@Charterstoned: #25
That is priceless!!!
@Poteet: The cat aged in real time. Mrs. Horner buried it among the peonies, where it always enjoyed pooping.
@taig: #19
“In this case, it’s an Appalachian cryptid, probably with an owl head where there shouldn’t be one, that poops out the raisins.”
Lurking close by in the surrounding woods, Mothman and Wampus Cat are high-fiving Owl Man for his cunning trick of substituting his scat for the raisins in the crumpled box Loweezy is holding.
MW: We already know there’s a pet cemetery in or close to Santa Royale, and I’m certain there are pet cremation services as well. This boat thing is being done specifically to irritate me, not only via this ridiculous method of dealing with a dead goldfish, but also by reminding me that Doctor Jeff, my pick in the Dead Pool, will never be allowed to die, even though he might really wish he could, especially during Wilbur’s very long elegy for Stellan, followed by the playing of that Elton John classic titled “Funeral For A Fish.”
@70 Daisy: Are you talking about Aunty on the Potty? It was an actual strip! Distributed to literally tens of newspapers throughout the world!
@73 Sequitur: I knew I should have led off with the Plugger in a harness.
@79 Garrison Skunk: Touché! You got me back for the revenge on the Aunty Acid toilet. Ewwww!
@114 Baja Gaijin:
Since you’re here you might as well play around with this. I may be busy later today.
DtM: It’s not that Mr. Wilson hates Dennis regardless of whatever Dennis does. Okay, yes, it is that, among other things. But also it’s a point of pride to him that he’s one of the few comic strip characters with five decently proportioned fingers on his hand, and he likes to show off now and then.
H&L: The “no punchlines” trend Josh has previously noted continues in force with today’s strip, which concludes with Thirsty confirming that yes, he does in fact know what a golf pro does.
@Sequitur: #77
Yeah, I confess to doing that too. Still, it’s hard to admit defeat when the opponent is a flimsy plastic bag…
@115 Sequitur: Oh boy. Just when I think it couldn’t get any dopier, I see tomorrow’s strip.
@pugfuggly: #7:
“there’s probably a good “Grapes of Wrath” joke in there”
How about Loweezy whipping out one of her low-hangers and breast feeding a starving man?
@Tabby Lavalamp:
And ole Snuffy has been in jail so much, I am sure he has a sure fired raisin wine recipe.
MW: After the burial at sea, Wilbur comes out of the head wearing only a speedo.
“What? We’re not going to go swimming?”
@Garrison Skunk: #101
Ha!!!
@Sequitur: #106
Uh oh!
9CL: Lolly and/or Alistair start to turn transparent when they make out. Sadly this was never true of Edda and Amos.
C-Shaft: Batiuk thinks Marvel Comics were this obscure avant-garde art that no one appreciated until 2020 or so. He’s secretly a Disney executive, isn’t he?
DT: And so we come to another chapter in the Adventures of Roz Doyle, Office Park Call Girl.
JP: Good thinking, friend. I’m sure the ghosts of your troubled past will never pop-up to disrupt your newfound Spencer-Driver bliss.
Marvin: Jeff wants to hear about his jerky coworker’s date exactly as much as I do. Rare that we’re so on the same page.
MW: The boyfriend of Wilbur’s condo head is taking him out on a GD yacht to hold a ridiculous goldfish funeral but Wilbur stills shows dedication to singing the Poor Me Blues. A true champion.
Phantom: As opposed to the mountain shaped into the likeness of your own head, which is such a routine site that you don’t even notices it anymore. Ian Mollusk can only dream.
@Baja Gaijin: #114
Seriously?? I fear for the future of our civilization.
Tomorrow in Judge Parker. Neddy to the rescue!
@Sequitur: #115
Cue Sally Fields’ “You like me! You really, really like me!”
@Steph: if this had come on any other day but Saturday, you’d be picking up your COTW trophy now.
@Sequitur: SH: once, it was a very good strip.
That was when it was about a child care center called “Safe Havens” and the single mother who ran it.
@Sequitur: Well, my theory that Charterstone is really a mental asylum keeps making itself known.
@UncleJeff: @Garrison Skunk: Damn. That was a great movie.
@Garrison Skunk: #76: Funny you should mention “Laugh In”. Catchy TV is currently running a weekend long marathon of it.
@Daisy: Except neither of these people have any emotional attachment to Wilbur. Saul was someone that Wilbur both mocked and was jealous of, Eve has probably never said two words to him, Ian seems barely tolerant of him, and Toby was likely bribed by the promise of liquor.
MW: Wilbur is suddenly aware that the box he is carrying is still at freezer temperature and his hands are getting very, very cold. He puts the box on the floor so he can warm his fingers in his armpits and as he does so, Libby dashes in from nowhere, grabs the fish in her jaws and bolts outside through an open window. Final panel: Wilbur, still with his hands crooked in his armpits, staring in slack-jawed disbelief at the window.
Incidentally, we still have no visual evidence that Wilbur is wearing pants.
@Sequitur: Finally! Wilbur’s intervention!
@134 Anonyminimouse:
Look at @115 Sequitur: last panel.
Of course, those could be shorts.
@Anonyminimouse: Mw: Hooray, Libby!
@Dr. Larry Erhardt: The Aldo Treatment is coming full circle. After everyone tells Wilbur that he needs to handle his problems in a different way, his denial will come out at full force and it’s going to lead to Wilbur’s watery grave.
…God, I wish.
@Anonyminimouse: Best character Libby gives no fucks about your stupid fish.
DT: What’s through that door? Mr. Borden lying across his desktop gutted like a fish, or a bucket of murky water and feces balanced above?
9CL: Since no one else has pointed it out yet….PIBGORN HAIR!!!!
JP: Evil twin is going to turn up in Los Angeles and use his nefarious twinliness to trick Neddy into the sack. “Ooooooooo DECLAN! What’s gotten into you today? You’re usually done after a minute or two!”
FG: Voltan wants to finish the job that Marvin the Martian couldn’t because of that wascally wabbit.
“Blow up de Oit?!”
RMMD: You’re going straight to the principal’s office, Parker. You see, here at Ayn Rand Middle School we punish the bullied kids. It’s your fault for being a weakling.
@Horace Broon: #87: re- HtH: You are correct. I have a softbound HtH compendium from the 1980s where Dik Browne specifically states that Hagar is a Norwegian viking.
Dustin: “Hey, just be happy your mom cares about you. When I got sick, my parents always just gave me a bottle of aspirin, shrugged, and said ‘Whatever happens, happens.'”
@Guillermo el chiclero: There was a DC/Disney crossover comic in which Superman villain Lobo the Bounty Hunter matched wits with the Road Runner, leading to a lot of Lobo falling off cliffs and getting crushed under boulders.
I’d love to see Vultan go head to head with Bugs. He’d have his wings clipped fair smartly. “Looks like I’m gonna have to MUSS YOU UP.”
9C: Why do this 42-year old man’s parents not let him out after 8? Does he habitually run down to the wharf seeking out Navy men at bars?
Jughaid’s about to bust out into a performance of “I Head It Through The Grapevine.” Remember that? California Raisins? Ha ha sure you do, newspaper readers. That’s right, that’s a thing from 40 years ago, shhhh, shhhhh, go to sleep, tomorrow we’ll make a joke about the Noid. You like that? Yeah, you do, you like the Noid. Shhhh.
@bartorama: H&L: A better comeback for old Thirsty
A better comeback would have been “fuck you,” followed by any of several epithets appropriate to a nagging lifemate.
MW: Nobody cares that my fish died. THE BASTARDS!
@Ukulele Ike: I guess eternal sleep amid the peonies would be a better fate than being given back to Luann.
And, on a related note…
DtM: “I just asked if you would go fuck yourself. Why aren’t you doing it?”
JP: I discovered newspaper advice columns as a child, and one point pounded home was that it is usually a very bad idea for one spouse to try to interfere in the relationship between the other spouse and the other spouse’s family. So I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what Neddy will do. Because she has the emotional IQ of an English muffin.
@151 Poteet:
You are very astute.
@Poteet: JP: I discovered newspaper advice columns as a child, and one point pounded home was that it is usually a very bad idea for one spouse to try to interfere in the relationship between the other spouse and the other spouse’s family. So I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what Neddy will do. Because she has the emotional IQ of an English muffin.
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@134 Anonyminimouse: I tried to make Wilbur without pants; I don’t think it worked.
@Baja Gaijin: That feels more like they’re mocking him…which makes it even better.
@154 Baja Gaijin:
And his friends(?) all call him “Low Butt”.
@Baja Gaijin: #154
Thank you. I will never be able to unsee that. =:0
RMMD: Despite what you think you may have heard, or seen on TV, bullying is not cool, m’kay? I’m willing to take the unpopular stand here in defense of a student.
Fight me, m’kay?
@155 Needless Exposition: I didn’t see it like that. I like your take better.
@156 Sequitur: I think his friends (?) got surprised that the thong is crotchless.
@157 Daisy: To be fair, I did give notice that he’d be pants-free. And this won’t show up in tomorrow’s mashups.
@I speak Jive: Imagine that Mary goes to the neighbors, tells them about Stellan, and invites them to the post funeral get together. (She wants to invite them to the actual funeral, but they won’t all fit on the boat.) A sane, normal person would roll on the floor in laughter to the point of tears, then pick themselves up to say, “Are you serious? A funeral for a fucking FISH?!”
It sounds like Mary’s actions might seem quite unusual or humorous to someone looking from the outside! Organizing a funeral and inviting neighbors for a fish could definitely provoke laughter and disbelief. It’s not every day you hear about a fish funeral with such elaborate invitations!
@Baja Gaijin: I don’t think either one of these people would care if Wilbur lost his pants and fell overboard because they would be too busy laughing at his expense.
@Needless Exposition: Best character Libby gives no fucks about your stupid fish.
This could imply that Libby is independent-minded, direct, and perhaps dismissive of things she considers insignificant or irrelevant. Characters like Libby often bring a refreshing straightforwardness to stories, and their attitudes can add humor or realism depending on the context. If you’d like to discuss more about Libby or her role in the story, feel free to share!
@Daisy: Warned we were, and yet I looked.
@161 Needless Exposition: When they inevitably get on the boat, I will be looking for ways to make Wilbur lose his pants.
@163 Poteet: It’s like a car wreck with injuries or Dr. Pimple Popper videos: you know it’s gonna be gross yet you can’t not look.
@Poteet: Me too.
@ChatGPT: Libby’s role is that of teaching the accidental aesop that if you have a controlling and toxic partner who forces you to choose between them or your pet, you should always choose your pet as well as tell your former partner and the old biddy that gaslights for him to fuck off.
@164 Baja Gaijin:
Get on the boat? That’ll be awhile. As of next Saturday they’re still in the apartment or condo or wherever they are now.
@167 Sequitur: Really? I’ll tell Sid to hold the sea gulls for another week. Sigh.
@Ukulele Ike: #90″
“The talent of the actor may have something to do with it.”
Peter O’Toole could’ve played any of Dudley Moore’s roles but not the other way around. One time my sister asked me who I thought was the better actor, Kirk or Michael Douglas. I said Kirk because in his younger days Kirk could’ve played Gordon Gecko but Michael could’ve never played Spartacus.
@Sequitur: At this point, this isn’t a goldfish funeral but the perspective of everyone who has ever been on a date with Wilbur: drawn out agony and trying to keep the bile from rising up your throat as he expects the night to end with someone willingly touching his sad limp genitalia.
Yes, Stellan is a metaphor for not only his dead relationship with Estelle but also Wilbur’s penis: lifeless, cold, and likely pungent.
@170 Needless Exposition:
If we end up seeing crabs by the boat, that will be a metaphor too.
@Needless Exposition: Libby’s role is that of teaching the accidental aesop that if you have a controlling and toxic partner who forces you to choose between them or your pet, you should always choose your pet as well as tell your former partner and the old biddy that gaslights for him to fuck off.
Libby sounds like a refreshingly assertive character, advocating for healthy boundaries and standing up against toxicity. It’s important to portray such narratives to highlight the importance of self-respect and not compromising one’s values for manipulative relationships.
Late Thread Cuisine: The bread sticks look good. I think they’re bread sticks.
@Guillermo el chiclero: Peter O’Toole could’ve played any of Dudley Moore’s roles but not the other way around. One time my sister asked me who I thought was the better actor, Kirk or Michael Douglas. I said Kirk because in his younger days Kirk could’ve played Gordon Gecko but Michael could’ve never played Spartacus.
Yes but – what of – William – Shatner?
Mary Worth – Are they just lazy at this strip, this has got to be the most pathetic storyline they’ve had
and there have been many pathetic ones. He says nobody even cares . you fucking idiot, nobody even knew about your fish. and you probably overfed them you stupid shit. moy and brigmon will drag this crap out for the whole summer.
i think a 5 yo could write a better strip. Moy and Brigmon are just pathetic .
@173 Baja Gaijin:
I’ll swipe a couple of bread sticks and walk away.
I always thought Jack Cheese would be a good name for a gigolo.
@Baja Gaijin: Take the breadsticks and run.
@Mr Beardo: Moy wants to get the same amount of attention as Aldomania did several years ago so she revamped Wilbur from a slightly smug but well meaning person to a narcissistic manchild who makes Aldo look like a gentleman. And sadly it’s working for her because hate clicks are still clicks and she thinks that Wilbur is the most popular character so she shoehorns him in constantly.
@Guillermo el chiclero: 1) IMHO, Dudley Moore is worthless in any movie lacking Peter Cook.
2) No contest — three of my favorite movies are The Big Carnival (aka Ace in the Hole), Paths of Glory, and Lonely are the Brave. (I also confuse him with Burt Lancaster a lot and I like Lancaster even more. Which one was in Sweet Smell of Success and The Train?)
Can’t think of any of Junior’s roles that come up to that standard.
@Ukulele Ike:
There was a DC/Disney crossover comic in which Superman villain Lobo the Bounty Hunter matched wits with the Road Runner
Pedantic point of order : Road Runner and the Looney Tunes are WARNER BROS, not DISNEY. And DC and WARNER BROS have been under the same umbrella since… like, I wanna say 3-4 corporate mergers ago? Whatever, it was Ted Turner behind it all, whatever, and it predates the AOL/Time Warner merger in the late 90s.
…I regret posting this, but could not help myself. I may have a problem…Luann-If only there was some way to put Mrs. Horner’s brain into Luann’s body.
@181 Liam:
But what of Luann’s brain…
Oh, I get it. You let Luann’s brain and Mrs. Horner’s body to die off leaving Mrs. Horner’s brain in the body of a nineteen year old.
Sweet.
@Baja Gaijin:
#173. Hey, tho is a delight, a treat we have (without olives) Easter morning. Try it, you might like it! (It’s basically a cheese souffle). You can add cooked meat or muhrooms or change the cheese.
@Baja Gaijin: I like the bear. Daddy and the bear. Yes.
@Ukulele Ike: #179: Lancaster was in “Sweet Smell of Success”, which I consider to have Tony Curtis’s best role of his career. Sorry, “The Defiant Ones” fans. His most memorable line, “Watch me run a hundred yard dash with no legs.”
@Ukulele Ike: #179: A lot of people confuse Lancaster and Douglas. Probably because both actors were known for their rictus grins and the habit of delivering their lines through clenched teeth. Two lesser known actors I used to confuse were Andrew Duggan and Lief Erickson. It wasn’t helped by the fact that they both starred in “Bonanza” ripoffs playing powerful cattle barons with their huge ranches, Duggan in “Lancer” and Erickson in “The High Chapperal”.
@Anonymous: Get over it. It’s just a
goldfishcartoon.@Guillermo el chiclero: I was kidding about mixing them up, although I can see how it’s possible. I think Burt stood a good head taller than Kirk, but I could be wrong. Did they have scenes together in Seven Days in May? Did Kirk stand on a box?
@Guillermo el chiclero: “Match me, Sidney.”
@181 Liam: Yeah, that’ll work out well. Mrs. Horner’s body’d be bumping into walls and touching hot stove elements and probably drown by looking up at the sky in the rain until she drowns.
@183 Activist 1234: I think the white bread content is what makes me pause. All those sliced olive eyes staring at me, urgh.
@184 Poteet: I figured someone would. If you haven’t gotten to comment #154, be aware of naked buttocks.
@Baja Gaijin: Late thread cuisine – That looks really unappetizing. However, I like olives, and I like cheese, so I would eat it and most likely enjoy it.
The difference between the late thread cuisine and the mashups is that we know the cuisine’s appearance will be an appetite killer. However, seeing Aunty on a toilet with no warning is a real shock to the system.
@Ukulele Ike: Re Lancaster and Douglas: I just looked them up, and according to the imdb, Burt Lancaster was 6’1″ tall, and Kirk Douglas was 5’9″.
I’m a fan of both. The Kirk Douglas movie The Vikings has always been a favorite of mine. I first saw it when one of my friends took a group of kids to see it for his birthday – we were eight or nine years old at the time. It wasn’t the most appropriate movie for kids that age, but it’s always been one of my guilty pleasures.
@I speak Jive: I remember watching The Vikings on “Saturday Night at the Movies” with my grandparents in the 60s, when I was even younger.
Was that the one where they were searching for a bell, and the bell turned out to be the entire dome of the building?
@Ukulele Ike: #190: No, that was “The Long Ships” with Richard Widmark and Sidney Poitier.
@Guillermo el chiclero: Thanks — been wanting to rewatch THAT one for a while, too.
MORE VIKINGS, MULE
@I speak Jive: Late thread cuisine – That looks really unappetizing.
Sounds like a Mission Statement.
@Sequitur: The judges would also have accepted “Waiting for a streetcar.”
@Baja Gaijin: I like olives. And I would like that brick of bread, cheese, and eggs (if they left out the mustard) despite it probably having the density of depleted uranium. But the two things don’t go together, texture-wise. I mean, I picture myself happily chewing away on my cheesy brick when suddenly — SQUNCH! What the hell was that? An eyeball?
@194 Peanut Gallery:
How about, “Waiting for Godot.”?
@193 Creepy Condescending Wonka: You got it in one!
@195 Peanut Gallery: Eyeball slice.
@Baja Gaijin: Eyeball slice? (Not safe for people who are not yet aware of Salvador Dali and Luis Bunuel)
@198 Ukulele Ike: Not clicking. Sounds medical-icky, not culinary-icky.
@Sequitur: Waiting for Gidget!
@200 Dennis Jimenez: That’s gonna be a long wait. I heard she was last spotted gliding over Convent San Tanco.
@Anonymous: it predates Turner by about 20 years.