Pray for the fallen
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Rex Morgan, M.D, 6/29/24
Like most observers of Rex Morgan, M.D., I assumed this plot was going to amble on interminably with some low-stakes, low-violence bullying and a lot of philosophical questions about what bullying is and what causes it, but instead our bully has managed to incapacitate and possibly hospitalize poor Parker with a single punch to the gut. At least this will give Rex something to do in this plot, possibly by shaking his head and announcing, stone-faced, “This is the worst case of being punched in the stomach that I’ve ever seen.”
Beetle Bailey, 6/29/24
Whenever we get these “in the field” Beetle Bailey strips, I assume that our characters are in the midst of some kind of war games exercise and haven’t been issued weapons with live ammo. Which means Rocky is probably going to murder Beetle with his bare hands! He looks fuckin’ pissed.
Shoe, 6/29/24
I guess I have to be the keeper of the Shoe knowledge here and make it clear to all that this strip is not in line with established strip lore. Specifically, the Perfesser never smells good. I don’t care if he changes his socks. I’ve seen how he lives. He smells like something died, possibly him.
194 replies to “Pray for the fallen”
MW: I don’t think there’s much to say except how everyone looks weirdly off model. Brigman must be inhaling paint thinner fumes to prepare for tomorrow’s strip which is hopefully going to have much rejoicing when that box hits
the port side of that behemoththe water.RMMD: Looks like they finally had to make Rex relevant as the only adult who seems to actually acknowledge the situation. Too bad he doesn’t care about any of them to really do anything outside of medical care.
Shoe-“I’m marinated in seven herbs and spices.”
RMMD-He was attacked for having the devil’s hair.
MW-Monday we’ll pull back on Wilbur in an institution muttering to himself, “As ready as I’ll ever be.”
FC-“Grandma, do you need help from Mary Worth?”
MW:
“Hello, Wilbur. Are you ready to go?”
“Well, Jeff, it might help if you suggested some first-person parodic karaoke for me to fortify myself with, singing, as Stellan does his last glub, glub, glub descending to the murky depths. Can you suggest something?”
” ‘The problem is all inside your head,’ Jeff said to me
The answer is easy if it’s staked teleologically
I’d like to help you, in your rubble, to be free
There must be fifty ways to leave your glubber’
“He said, ‘It’s really not my habit to delude
Furthermore, I hope demeaning won’t be cross or mispursued
But I’ll repeat myself at the risk of being rude:
There must be fishy ways to leave your glubber
Fishy ways to leave your glubber’
“You just slip out the back, hack
Make a new plan, man
You don’t need to see koi, boy
Just set your pal free
Hop on it thus, plus
You don’t need to disgust much
Just drop off the quay, see,
And set your pal free
“Ooh, slip out the back, hack
Make a new plan, man
You don’t need to see koi, boy
Just set your pal free
Hop on it thus, plus
You don’t need to disgust much
Just drop off the quay, see,
And set your pal free
“He said, ‘It peeves me so
To see you in such strain
I wish there were something I could spew
To make you rile again’
I said, ‘I’ll alleviate that
And would you please explain about the fishy ways?’
He said, ‘Why don’t we both just keep on it tonight
And I believe, in the mourning, you’ll begin to see the plight.’
And then he dissed me, and I realized he probably was right
There must be fishy ways to leave your glubber
Fishy ways to leave your glubber
“You just slip out the back, hack
Make a new plan, man
You don’t need to see koi, boy
Just set your pal free
Hop on it thus, plus
You don’t need to disgust much
Just drop off the quay, see,
And set your pal free
“Slip out the back, hack
Make a new plan, man
You don’t need to see koi, boy
Just listen to me
Hop on it thus, plus
You don’t need to disgust much
Just drop off the quay, see,
And set your pal free”
[outro]
RMMD: This strip occupies a weird point on the realism/cartoony scale. on one hand it’s a very serious drama about adults dealing with serious issues, but on the other, that punched-out middleschooler seems to have literal stars circling his head? I guess having little birds and a ‘waa-waa-waa-waaaaa’ sounds would have been a bit over the top.
BB: Sadly, just moments later Sarge and the gang were taken prisoner by Colonel Jerk and his Loser Brigade.
Shoe: What is going on here? Is Roz coming onto the Perfesser? Has she actually fallen that low or is there a gas leak in the kitchen?
@Anonymous: dangit, c’est moi.
MW: I just realized that Karen Moy IS Mary, June Brigman is Dr. Jeff, and we, the readers—WE are Wilbur. And Stellan? Stellan is this absurd story, the whole ridiculous plot with its baffling motivations and its dysfunctional characters and its lidded goldfish and its stale muffins and its enormous yacht. So when Mary asks, “Are you ready to let STELLAN go?” she’s really asking if we’ve finally had enough. UNCLE! UNCLE!
@Charterstoned: If we’re Wilbur, Moy must really see the audience as overweight validation seeking sociopaths. So it’s about her average level of audience insulting.
RMMD:
“Somebody go get a teacher — I’m playing Candy Crush!”
RMMD meta: I know Parker is pretty chubby, but I’m pretty sure even their gut isn’t in play when getting clearly decked in the face. Josh seems to have a really weird blind spot with interpreting Rex Morgan‘s art.
RMMD:
“Somebody call Steve from Judge Parker to bring a claim against the bully, and against the bully’s parents and the school for negligent supervision. Oh…wait a minute…they killed Steve off, didn’t they — they pretty much kill everybody off in that strip, eventually.”
@Needless Exposition: Given that I suspect that Moy’s audience is Boomers and Gen Xers who either don’t have children or wonder why their children/grandchildren haven’t called or come to visit in years, that assessment might not be far off the mark, in aggregate. (Obligatory disclaimers here.)
SF: Ces will get a bit of grudging respect from me if he can tie all three of these storylines together a la ‘It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World.’
JP: ‘I’ll be right back. I just need to get my gun/hatchet/butcher knife/family sword/whatever it is I’m going to use to threaten you into staying and having sex with me and my brother.’
Crankshaft: ‘Loser status confirmed!’ – Crow T. Robot
@Tom: The way that Moy regards her idyllic world, it’s a near childless anti-LGBT “we’re totally in SoCal and not Connecticut” white bread world…so it’s about in line with some ideological values.
MW – This strip starts to make so much more sense when you realize Charterstone is a group home.
Shoe: Technically the Perfesser is a fish hawk, so his talons should be getting regularly doused with fish blood and viscera, and a change of socks would help. But we all know it’s a matter of his poor hygiene while he scarfs down diner food.
B. Bailey: The Pentagon wisely de-armed Camp Swampy years ago. Their war games now consist of crabby soldiers playing king of the hill.
@Old School Allie Cat: It’s the kind of group home that no one visits because they’re about as functional in the real world as monkeys who regularly fling their own feces at each other. Except the monkeys have a lot more charm and personality.
Rex Morgan: “I’m calling 911”?! All these kids are about to get in trouble for going outside their school’s nurse’s-office-based healthcare apparatus and detention-based justice system.
Beetle Bailey: Beetle’s not even facing toward you, Sarge. He’s warning you that the other side’s big jerk and bunch of losers are coming this way!
Shoe: Why does the Perfesser smell so good? In keeping with a strange new punk fad that’s been sweeping the bird community, he’s wearing No. 11 Eau de BBQ — that is, the KFC cologne.
DT: Sarah Phym, a woman who supposedly radiates with angelic beauty, was glanced at a few times by someone for a brief period in one location. From this she determined that it could only be the result of a surveillance operation concerning enough to raise with her boss, who agrees that this one-time incident is a conspiracy to attack his business, and reprisals are already in the works against… someone? Not sure why Gabriel thinks anything of this non-event, let alone why he believes this implicates anyone specifically or who that person would be, but Eric Costello hasn’t been clear about anything in this murky mess of a story so far, so why start now?
FC: Sets of keys are of course famous for being non-reflective and completely silent when shaken, so it’s totally understandable how this situation is remotely plausible.
CS: What, no Crankshaft today? Did he finally leave or is he waiting for Pete and Mindy in bed?
BB: How long did it take Beetle to climb the hill? Enough time for Killer to grow a moustache between the panels, apparently.
RMMD: “Help, we need an ambulance. I think my unconscious friend may be seriously hurt.”
“You think he might be hurt? In that case, we’ll ‘think’ about sending an ambulance.”
MW: What could turn this story from abysmal to AWESOME is if Jeff, at a moment when Mary and Wilbur’s backs are turned, picked up his boat rod, slipped Stellan’s little corpse onto a fish hook, and cast his line into the water.
BB: I think if you magically grow 50 feet tall, you can call people whatever you want.
RMMD: “What’s wrong with him?”
“I don’t know yet. I guess I’ll have to… Judge Parker.”
[everyone laughs, and the end credits start to roll]
“Wait, sorry, wrong Nicholas Dallis strip. Back to your places everyone.”
FC: “Grandma, remember you gave PJ your keys to play with! And he’s poked his eye out!”
Shoed — There’s only one way to plausibly interpret this strip. I guess Roz must really like the smell of toast.
RMMD — I’m glad somebody called 911, because there’s a carrot-fire lying on the dance floor. . .
RMMD: Parker got knocked out so hard, he’s shedding atoms. Considering the source of his jokes, though, he’s got a 90-year rate of decay.
BB: Are they going to feel bad when they learn Beetle was talking about the enemy, who can see him now that he’s in a prominent position and will definitely kill him with artillery.
Shoe: He’s got Dagwood-brand odor eating socks.
MW:
“Hello, Wilbur. Are you ready to go? — here’s a plastic cup for you.”
“Doc, this is no time to run a diagnostic!”
CS: Serious question: did Tom Batiuk forget that Pete and Mindy own Montoni’s now?
RMMD: I love how all the wrong words are emphasized. “Go get a teacher“, as if to emphasize he doesn’t want a circus clown. “I’m calling 911,” as if to clarify he’s not hailing a taxi. “I’ll go, as if begrudgingly accepting that this tiresome duty has fallen to her. Not a single exclamation point anywhere. It’s all dripping with ennui and Xanax.
REX MORGAN M.D.: I like the “Looney Tunes” effects around Parker’s heard. They really sell the severity and seriousness of the situation.
REX MORGAN M.D. (2): Student: “Well gee whiz, I was just going to stand here and stare dumbly at an injured kid, but I guess getting help is a good idea too. Good thinking Corey. Oh and I see you’re using your phone to do it. Naturally as a 21st century teen, that’s a device I rarely use, so I never would have thought to bring it out. You’re so smart and innovative, Corey.”
Frazz: Yes, as a kid I was definitely most excited about summer because I got to wear baggy shorts.
Luann: This moon-child makes Caulfield seem downright realistic, though.
CS: I appreciate the detail of Mopey being drawn as if he were a raccoon finding a piece of pizza in the trash. It is Montoni’s pizza, so that makes sense.
Team Shoe read our complaints about the Goggle Eyes of Horror and gave us a new facial expression: Roz’s heavy-lidded come hither look as she hits on the Perfesser. Come back, Goggle Eyes of Horror! All is forgiven!
9CL: This has to be the best strip Brooke has ever done, since it involves a cat showing Edda its ass.
Killer looks genuinely hurt that Beetle called him a loser. He thought they were friends! Did all those double dates mean nothing to him? Truly, these are the times that test men’s souls.
BB: Now, now — he might mean some other jerks and losers.
MW: Poor Jeff doesn’t know that Mary’s counting this as their monthly Date Night.
RMMD: The school staff here is exceptionally good at hiding. Kudos.
SHOE: Does he smell “good” or “less awful?” There’s a difference.
RMMD: If only the other students were allowed to have cell phones like Corey – maybe the fight would already be on social media…
I’ll be waiting for an explanation.
MW: In panel 1, it looks like Jeff can barely contain his laughter at this absurd situation. He’s definitely going to have a case of the giggles.
Zits: Jeremy is going to accidentally inspire a new clothing trend, isn’t he?
FC: Maybe if HTTG didn’t play her phonograph at ear-splitting levels, someone would have heard PJ shaking the keys.
Rex Morgan: Knowing Rex, his response to this case of stomach-punch will probably be to declare the patient too far gone to be saved, followed by a gunshot.
Beetle Bailey: What do the war games at Camp Swampy even entail? Do the soldiers just get sent out to aimlessly wander about in the woods so that they’ll stop annoying Halftrack?
I don’t have much military knowledge but Beetle and the gang don’t look like they’re equipped for any sort of official exercises, so it seems likely with these characters that they were just out for a walk to enjoy a pleasant day and got lost and these men’s emotions are already raw. It’s just surprising that the first “fragging” we’re going to get to witness in the comic is Beetle for being an asshole, and not Sarge, Gen. Halftrack, or Lt. Fuzz. I’m just happy I didn’t do any wagering on this.
@ectojazzmage:
Whining like Ally Sheedy, by the look of it.
@Banana Jr. 6000: A rodeo clown would be more use than a teacher in this case.
Will rex take this opportunity to give young Market his first ever prostate exam?
Obviously, I meant “young Parker”.
JUDGE PARKER: Lucas: “Hey, I’ll be right back. I just have to go and get some Kleenex.”
JUDGE PARKER (2): Sophie: “I don’t fully trust Lucas to respect our “friendship” boundary. Good thing I decided to isolate myself with him all weekend in a strange town, huh?”
RMMD – Um…don’t follow the strip, but I’m guessing he’s been teched by Jack Frost?
BB – The Beatles wrote a song about this….
Shoe – Better yet, I washed my underwear and dried them with aromatic Downy drier sheets….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
1) vintage Hi and Lois on the spinning crown has abandoned where it was and started from the very beginning in October 1954. Rather different art and they are living in an apartment.
2) I’m exceedingly embarrassed to admit that after almost 50 years of reading this strip I only today got the pun in the title. :headdesk:
Roz is quite obviously ovulating. Look at those bedroom eyes in panel 1. The Prefessor sure knows how to turn off the ladies!
GT: “Clap clap!”
“Meemaw! Stop trying to turn the light on!”
“That was Jami, the little fool.”
MW – So is Dr. Jeff a psychiatrist? Because that’s the only way any of this makes sense. The “boat” is actually Dr. Jeff’s office and the “crew” are the burley attendants in white waiting to put Wilbur away.
@jroggs:
Thank you… as one of the masochists who reads RMMD daily (beyond what’s featured here on the blog), I was confused by Josh’s take on the action.
MW – Wilbur’s been a big pussy about all this, which actually gives me some hope for this boat ride.
@cheech wizard: The real surprise is that Mary’s going in as well. Decades of extorting Jeff’s status to “protect you from those who don’t understand your kind” are at an end because a burial at sea for a fucking fish is just too much.
Today’s Beetle Bailey reminds me of an episode of .J.A.G where one Naval recruit who signed-up to be an air-traffic controller, ended up spending most of her time just polishing brass. Disillusioned by the Navy, she just said “screw this” and went home. So for deserting she was put on trial for a court-marshal. Which seemed a little silly because if she’s found guilty, she would be officially discharged from the Navy, which is exactly what she wanted.
Beetle seems to take different means here towards being purposely kicked out of the Army, by being a complete asshole to his team and superiors.
Hahaha, sorry Beetle you’re the George Jetson of the funny pages, you’ll never lose your position, NEVER.
Phantom: The-Ghost-Who-Can’t-Be-Bothered is finally going to take a look at the rocket that crashed near the Deep Woods.
But first, let’s hear what the Jungle Drums are saying.
(They’re more reliable than Musk’s, err Mollusk’s, social media)
Zits – Longtime readers will remember that Jeremy has experience stocking groceries and produce and doing prompt engineering for an AI startup. This year’s unambitious Jeremy makes one wonder if Borgman and Scott are falling into the Dustin trap, and one hopes not. It may not be great that Kelley ripped off your low hangers, but it would be tragic if you ripped off his vibe of anger and despair.
RMMD alternate scenario:
Corey: Quick take him to the nurses’ office!
Nurse: After checking you out, you’re a little winded but okay. No concussions, you’re perfectly fine.
(Is in class 15 minutes later)
Parker: I’m just glad that no-one called 911, I mean what a waste of time that would be!
MT: And the Fists Of Justice are BACK!!!!
(And this strip still SUCKS!!!!)
Phantom; Wow, what a shocking action scene after that peaceful tableau yesterday! Those are of course stunt Monkeys, experienced in acrobatics. Phantom, Inc. said they could only afford three of them. And we provided a couple of “Gazelles” for continuity… however, you don’t see their heads or faces, so they’re actually just generic Antelope taking an ordinary leap – we try to work within the budgets of our comics customers.
Elephants don’t like to work on Saturdays, so their fate has been left to the imagination. And if you happen to see some “deceased” Animals next week, they’ll just be mannequin stage props – our “corpse” clients command a much higher pay scale due to the skill involved. You think with all that treasure in the Skull Cave, management here could afford to shell out for more authenticity…
BB – Interesting that Zero and Rocky magically appear in panel 2, as if Greg Walker thought “oops, the punchline mentions ‘a bunch of losers.’ No need to re-draw panel one. I’ll just throw in a couple of losers in panel two.”
RMMD: I’m conflicted. Do I want Rex Morgan to acknowledge the biases faced by gender nonconforming individuals in the healthcare system, inevitably addressing the subject in a ham-fisted, inaccurate and/or unhelpful manner? Or do I want it to blithely ignore the subject the way Rex brushes aside anything he doesn’t want to be involved in (ie. everything)? Which would be less likely to make me hurl my laptop through a window?
Luann: “Mom! You know I don’t have one of those dumb cell phones! I don’t need you tracking me when I hang out in bars.”
@Aaron: Whenever Josh contradicts something I clearly remember seeing in the funnies a day or two previously, I figure I got it wrong because, of course, HE’S the professional here.
RMMD: The bully punched him in the face, not the gut.
MW – Jeff freshly whitened his Paulie Walnuts hair-wings for the occasion.
@TheDiva: I’d say the strip ignoring the issue would be better for your blood pressure, because you can at least comfort yourself knowing they didn’t handle it in a ham-fisted manner.
@astroboy: now I don’t have to say that.
@TheDiva:
It’s gonna be a grab bag of the worst kind.
– Addressing problems that gender non-conforming people face with healthcare with the subtlety of a sledgehammer?
– Boilerplate commentary on bullying and violence in schools, with maybe some “ripped from the headlines” parallels because Parker is the victim?
– Rex Morgan, with a glazed-over, eye-rolling look at all of this because he’d really not like to be a part of this?
– All three?
Take your pick!
C’shaft: Mindy, you’re eating week-old Montoni’s off of the cardboard box your fiance has been using for a dining room table. If that’s not a Les Miserables Act One finale-level red flag, I don’t know what is.
Luann: Mudges of my generation may recall You Can’t Do That on Television and its regular feature “The Opposite Skits,” which featured scenarios playing out in an inversion of the norm (eg: “Young man, you stop doing your math homework and play some video games!” “But MOOOOOOM!”). This past week of Luann has been like that segment, only with the scene going on for far too long and written by someone who doesn’t understand the joke.
FC -I guess this is HTTGrandma’s apartment, as the furniture looks older than what we’ve seen at the Keane compound. Either Jet figured it was too much bother to fit a flat screen TV in that space, or Grandma still has an analog TV. That does look like an adapter box from the cable company on top of the TV. Also, the keys are just keys with no fob, which fits in with the 1960s toys on the floor.
Frazz – Frazz and Caulfield are slipping. Think of all the opportunities to mock yoga tights clad men behind their backs.
Speed Bump – Edda Van Hoesen is taking notes.
S4th – This is lifted from Young Sheldon.
Mary Worth – This crap has been dragging on for so long that there’s nothing new to say. To repeat: MAKE. IT. STOP. End this. Wilbur is not four years old. It’s a fucking goldfish.
The most unforgivable part of this is that this horseshit is presented as a remedy for severe depression.
@jroggs: You’re absolutely right. Josh may have remembered incorrectly because Parker punched Haw Haw in his stomach.
@Bob Tice: I wish JP would kill off Yelich. I have him in the dead pool.
@Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!: I’m pretty sure that that’s CGI in Speed Bump today, but I’d feel better if you confirmed it.
@taig: Re RMMD: Yeah, 911-calling dude, that’s not just your friend, it’s Our Friend The Atom!
Don Abundio, translated:
“With all your money, why don’t you go south for the winter?”
“I did that last year, but I didn’t like it”
“Why not?”
“All the other assholes went there too”
Shoe – Roz uses a line from the first draft of The Rolling Stones’ “Brown Sugar.”
@Liam: “Same as it ever was”
Mary Worth: Mary and Jeff are being very formal with each other.
Judge Parker: Soapy is very annoying. Why would anyone want to be with her.
It seems that Beetle has the same opinion of his fellow warriors as his former Commander in Chief, who called them suckers and losers, if I can remember correctly.
FC: I wonder what kind of car Grandma drives with those old-fashioned keys? I’m guessing a 1970 Cadillac Deville sedan. She doesn’t seem to be the type to drive a Cybertruck.
Crankshaft:
If you don’t like the way I’m livin’
You can just leave this baggy eyed comic boy alone
@QuantumMechanic: Don’t feel too bad. It was only relatively recently (how recently is beside the point) that it dawned on me, too. Some things just take time, I guess.
HTTG Grandma does not look pleased to be reminded that she’s having a senior moment. Especially because it’s Dolly who’s reminding her.
Beetle has been captured by the “enemy” and it’s one of them hurling insults. They’ll let Beetle go and then sit back and watch the fun.
Luann: The Bizarro Luann is pretty painful.
@Lord Flatulence: As opposed to normal Luann?
Shoe: Personally, when the server at my local diner asks me how come I smell so good, I do not give her any hygiene tips that she might use to attract someone more attractive than me. I just ask her what time she gets off work.
Luann: Huggies? No one’s going to comment on this kid’s need for diapers to get through the night?
@astroboy: RMMD: The bully punched him in the face, not the gut.
Who are you going to believe? Josh? Or your own lying eyes?
RMMD: Josh’s recent focus on “Alice” has impaired his ability to distinguish between body parts. “Gut, face, what’s the difference, doesn’t matter.”
@Dr. Pill: Beetle should run in the opposite direction. Shoot, a fella could have a pretty good weekend in Branson with all that Army stuff.
I’m just wondering what kind of school this is that lets the kids use their cell phones during school hours and nary a teacher in sight that actually saw the incident let alone a hall monitor or even a janitor. Is this one of those “special” schools that they say is for geniuses but use air quotes so everyone knows it’s for children with learning disabilities.
Luann – So what did Shannon break and when do we find out what it was? Because it was obviously very expensive.
@I speak Jive: re Speed Bump: You are definitely right that those Mantises are CGI creations! Our “corpse” pros draw the line at any type of dismemberment!
@Lord Flatulence: @Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Bizarro Shannon is definitely worse. Normal Shannon is just a dumb kid. Bizarro Shannon is the Evanses’ ideal of Inner Beauty, which is to say being a good person is all about lording over others how terrible they are compared to you.
@I speak Jive: You’re probably correct. I figured it was because Parker’s hand placement in today’s strip.
Shoe: What would socks even look like for an osprey-man? Do they need to be leather-tipped to contain his needle-sharp talons? Are his toes the zygodactyl X shape of his fish-eating cousins? Or are his feet entirely, disturbingly human? These are terrifying things to consider, but still less horrifying than Roz being horny.
REX MORGAN M.D.: Rex Morgan M.D thinks it’s clever. See, it’s been trying to fool us into thinking it was going to be a nuanced, sensitive look at the topic of LGBT bullying. Yet, as as the symbols around Parker indicate, the actual point was simply to say that they are all snowflakes.
CRANKSHAFT: Mopey Pete: “I don’t know how to cook. Do you can see why I decided to run a restaurant….”
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Good point.
MW: Look at Dr. Jeff’s profile in panel one. It’s just Wilbur without glasses and a full head of hair.
@Bob Tice: “You don’t need to see koi, boy” may be the greatest line ever written on this site.
@TheDiva: re: Luann – Ooh, if only this unnaturally idyllic family scene had ended with everyone getting a few dozen gallons of slime dumped on them, this whole week would have been worth it.
@Little Blue Bicycle:
Oh, there have been many lines which far eclipse this. But thank you!
@jroggs: #19: re-DT: It’s kind of like those 60s and 70s crime shows where the protagonist takes a quick glance in his car’s rearview mirror, sees a car behind him, and instantly knows he’s being followed rather than the other car just happens to be going in his direction.
@I speak Jive:
Yelich is, at least in his Marciuliano iteration, a sort of stylized, stereotypical desk officer who has risen to his level of incompetence on the force.
@Bob Tice: Don’t forget that he was hired as a private investigator for the Parker-Spencer-Drivers while he was on leave from the police force to get treatment for severe alcoholism.
@Guillermo el chiclero: Brigman pretty much seems to have done this strip in the most slapdash way possible. She’s had to spend the last two months drawing Wilbur in spandex, Wilbur in his Bob Newhart wear, Wilbur with a disturbing variety of smug expressions, Wilbur without pants, dead fish, boats with skewed proportions…I would have sympathy if this wasn’t such a drag.
MW: Not sure if anyone has mentioned this, but for Crissakes it’s just a fucking goldfish!
Rex: “Make sure he’s hurt? Oh, okay.” [KICKKRUNCH]
@Gladly, the cross-eyed bear: At this point, this is less about the goldfish and more about how Wilbur is an attention seeking sociopath who goes into a sulking pity party when he’s not getting constant validation from everyone. This stupid fish funeral is just another way for him to be the center of attention.
@I speak Jive:
Yep. And, like every other character in the Francisco era, he is pretty much almost always p.o.d or conflicted about something.
@made of wince: Dang it, I should’ve used the “them” pronoun. It’s all too new to me, as a Gen Xer.
GT: What, the World Professional Girls League Dowe Championship doesn’t have any “GET IN THE HOLE!!!” morons in attendance?
RMMD: Uh-oh, bully boy has done it now. He’s no doubt in for a stern lecture and a one-day detention. Unless, of course, his mother complains that her angel son is a good boy who would never do such a thing without being provoked and then threatens to sue. At that point, school management will cave and drop the whole thing. Because inmates rule.
JP: Lucas has got to go, um, relieve himself.
Not sure why 108 showed up the way it did. It was intended to respond to I Speak Jive’s 103 and to say: “And, like every other character in the Francesco area, he’s pretty much almost always p.o.d or conflicted about something.”
Even weirder yet, it first posted as “undefined.” Then, when I looked it again, it reverted to what I intended as the original formulation. Clearly this is some form of Russian Interference.
@Gladly, the cross-eyed bear: MW: Not sure if anyone has mentioned this, but for Crissakes it’s just a fucking goldfish!
Ah, another poster who will not need to fight me concerning Mary Worth.
As for Rex Morgan, punching people in the jaw is wrong. Fight me.
9CL – Utterly indescribable, yes. But Brooke drew it anyway.
Fred Basset Spanish to English.
GT – Since when do radio stations do live broadcasts of small-town club championships? Probably about the same time that drivers turned into five-irons that reach long par fours in one shot.
JP – “Yes, we agreed to be friends. And as friends, this beach is one of the “benefits” I’m providing you. Now, how about holding up your end?”
RMMD: Looking forward to the epic redemption arc when the only teacher that the blonde girl can find is the new art teacher with a gap in his teeth, a fake beard, and an ankle monitor bracelet.
Shoe: Not too long in the future Roz will look back in horror and alarm at the time she momentarily got horny for the Perfesser. Not to mention profound gratitude towards him for snapping her out of it before things went too far, i.e. anywhere.
@cheech wizard: GOLLLLLLLLLFF!!!
(insert Donald Sutherland Invasion of the Body Snatchers meme)
@cheech wizard: Phrasing!
C-Shaft: More to the point, why would you want to? Through a couple of changes in ownership Montoni’s has stayed with its formula of “no marinara, lots of melted yellow plastic.”
Dustin: Wonder what Dustin is doing right now that Hayden has to ask his even less fun dad.
GT: What’s with the “CLAP! CLAP!”? It’s a golf course. They’re supposed to be going “{clap] [clap]”.
HtH: As it happens it wasn’t Lars’s sense of humor that sent Helga out the door but rather the unexplained puddle on the floor, and the decision is unanimous.
JP: “I’ll be right back. Oh, before I go, could I borrow that bottle of lotion. I’ll only need it for a minute or so.”
@TheDiva: You Can’t Do That on Television and its little-known sequel You’d Be Better Off Not Doing That in a Syndicated Comic.
I think the Shoe Google-Eyes of Horror have never been so apt and yet so missing.
Luann – Since this is Toni’s ideal-world fantasy instead of Brad’s, it’s not going to conclude with her giving a blow job but rather, him not wanting one.
“Beetle, climb that hill and tell me what you see.”
“I can’t see anything, my helmet’s over my eyes.”
@cheech wizard: Mimi supposedly made the big tour after ditching Gil for her coach, so I guess that’s supposed to be Morgan Pressel or a coworker.
MW: just how small is that penis Jeff is compensating for?
BB: Pvt. Bailey was shot in a friendly fire incident immediately afterwards. By the time the soldiers realized Beetle had seen Vladimir Putin leading a ground invasion it was too late for Camp Swampy, and too late for America.
RMMD and Josh’s commentary: the mouth is at one end of the gastrointestinal tract, so I suppose technically Josh is correct, for large values of “gut”.
@cheech wizard: #115:
“Since when do radio stations do live broadcasts of small town club championships?”
The same ones that do live broadcasts of every small town Milford sporting event.
This may be true out in West Texas, where’s there’s no city big enough to support a professional sports franchise and all the colleges are low tier and it’s the only game in town.
GT: Absolutely love the “Wack!” as the golf club hits the dividing line between the final two panels.
@Little Blue Bicycle: Ah, ok. I guess that’s supposed to stand for “Women’s Professional Golf League.” I thought it was a fucking 5-watt radio station.
RMMD: REX: Don’t worry, animated cranial orbititis may look serious, but it’s easily treated. He’s just going to have amnesia until he receives a second head injury. June, fetch me my medical mallet.
@Artist formerly known as Ben: Hah!
Most birds have very poor senses of smell. Some notable exceptions are carrion birds that are attracted to the smell of rotting meat and sea birds that are attracted to the smell of rotting algae. That might really help narrow down what the heck Roz is supposed to be, except I can kind of imagine the Perfesser smelling like either.
RMMD; Parker will be hospitalized with a severe concussion, which will lead bully to realize the error of his bullying ways.
@cheech wizard: I have a photo of a KSTP radio team broadcasting a golf tournament.
They were using a baby carriage to carry their remote transmitter,
This was back in the 1930s.
@MasterMahan: Isn’t it customary to have a coconut fall on the patient’s head?
Crank: So I guess they did get round to hiring other people to work at Montoni’s, we just never saw it happen because writing is hard, guys. Either way, Mindy has reluctantly decided that, even though she now knows how Montoni’s pizza is made, eating some is marginally better than going hungry. But only once.
Curtis: How that hat stays on like that, revealed at last!
FC: I don’t often sympathise with HTT Grandma, but her expression of “I know that, you brat, but I thought I could get maybe ten seconds of you melonheads shutting up until you forgot what you were looking for!” speaks to me.
HtH: Somebody who has more time on their hands than me should compile all the strips that mention “Lars Olsen”, so we can figure out if it’s actually all the same character, or if it’s just that Walker-Browne LLC know one Norse-sounding name that does’t actually belong to a famous Viking.
Actually, no. Somebody with the time to do that should do something more productive with it.
Pluggers: Huh, I associate “My cellphone sounds like an analogue phone” with hipsters. I’m pretty sure most Pluggers have the pre-set ringtone that came with the phone, which they hate but not enough to figure out how to change.
Shoe: I was all set to snark about how, like many otherwise-dressed cartoon animals, these characters are all barefoot, so the Perfessor has no socks to change, but then I thought I should double check this by following the link, and it turns out they’re not! This whole time, they’ve been wearing shoes and I never noticed! I guess that explains the title.
(Yes, I know, the strip is named after P. Martin Shoemaker, a character so unlikeable even by this strip’s standards that they avoid using him as much as possible.)
@Gladly, the cross-eyed bear: And so, in the Summer of 2024, “For Chissakes’, it’s just a fucking goldfish” replaced “Y’know. He kinda looks like Captain Kangaroo” as the most-used phrase in the Comics Curmudgeon lexicon.
Congratulations.
In publications, websites and the Congressional Record as a whole, “Christ, what an asshole” is still #1.
@MasterMahan: There are no end to the improbable things a person can knit. My sister knitted me a chicken for my birthday.
Late Thread Cuisine: They say it’s “bisque.” I say it’s “barf.” What say you?
@Baja Gaijin: One man’s barf is another man’s bisque.
@Baja Gaijin: Late thread cuisine – Yup, it looks like barf to me. I wouldn’t mind having a set of those dishes, however.
Rex Morgan, MD – The new kid/bully asked Google “How to be popular at a new school”, and it’s AI returned a Reddit shitpost that said “Find the biggest guy and beat him up”, which he interpreted to mean bully the fat kid.
Beetle Bailey – Beetle has actually spotted Andrew Tate and some of his followers on a “men’s retreat” on the other side of hill.
Shoe – Roz’s barometer of good smell must be taken into account. Shoe is smoking a cheap cigar, Biz, the old man with old man smell, and Mort, the mortician.
@Baja Gaijin: I like crabmeat and I like mushrooms, so a crab-mushroom soup holds no terror for me. I’m concerned about all those black specks, though. Bits of dried herb? Poppy seeds? Ants?
@Lord Flatulence: every single woman written by Marciuliano is annoying in almost the exact same way but at least Soapie is a nubile blonde college student.
@141 Lord Flatulence: For me, barf. For Ike, bisque.
@142 I speak Jive: I knew someone’d like the dishes.
@144 Ukulele Ike: Cockroach droppings or ground pepper. They look too big to be ground pepper to me. Look at the image again; the recipe text finally came through.
MW: Dear Sweet Lord. IT’S A FISH WILBUR AND IT’S STARTING TO ROT.
Now I’ve lost pets – i had a dear sweet cat for almost 20 years that passed away long long ago and it still can bring a pang to my heart when i remember her but dear lord Wilbur again makes this all about him. It’s beyond appalling.
@Baja Gaijin: Baja, has anyone ever reported back to you that they actually made any of these recipes? You know, sort of a “Julie & Julia” thing? “Ukelele Ike & Baja” or something like that? Frankly, most of your recipes scare the hell out of me, so I’m not volunteering. Just wondered.
@Baja Gaijin: “Risque,” as in it’s a real risque to eat that.
@cheech wizard: “You know I don’t want one of those dumb things.”
@Baja Gaijin: That doesn’t look half bad. The bell pepper is a mistake, though. I’d also leave out the mace, because I don’t own any mace. Does anyone keep mace around any more?
I have a couple of Charleston low-country cookbooks. I could look up the famous “she-crab soup” and compare.
@148 Charterstoned: No one’s reported that they made any of these recipes. I can believe it.
@149 taig: SNERK!
@151 Ukulele Ike: She crab soup doesn’t look like chunky white puke.
Chunky PINK puke. Must be the paprika, or the crab roe. Aside from the lack of mushrooms, pretty close to the McCall’s offering.
@153 Ukulele Ike: That is NOT Lowcountry she crab soup. Real Lowcountry she crab soup doesn’t contain Old Bay seasoning. Calling @Liam, who lives in Charleston.
@Needless Sex Organ VD: “Is your friend seeing stars or tweeting birds?” “Neither, just weird puffs of smoke.” “Ok, I guess we can rule out Roger Rabbit Syndrome, tell me, is your friend an android who just talked to Capt. Kirk?” :
Hmmmmmm…I MIGHT put Old Bay in a crab soup. Old Bay is good shit.
There are bars in Ball-more Maryland, former home of Josh, where they’ll dip the rim of your chilled beer glass in Old Bay just before the pour. I’d try that, too.
@Garrison Skunk: It’s possible that Parker runs (ran) on steam power. Like the android Dr. Loveless built in the final teevee season of The Wild Wild West. Flattop’s sucker punch might have put out his boiler.
@140 Baja Gaijin:
Despite you almost making me puke (I’ve been sick the past couple of days) I will give you this. It would make a fitting end to the story but it’s not. It drags on for a few more days.
RMMD; my prediction is that Rex will be called in for emergency brain surgery. Parker’s life will hang in the balance and Bully will be facing serious criminal charges.
@156 Ukulele Ike: No argument that Old Bay seasoning is great. It belongs in Lowcountry she crab soup as much as pineapple chunks do.
@158 Sequitur: Touché! Now I’m all nauseous.
Want to have a freak out? Look at tomorrow’s Spanish version of Archie. You won’t care if you can read it or not.
Or take a very long shower.
@162 Scratchy Scrotum LXIX:
An ooey-gooey shower.
@Sequitur 161: I nearly went blind looking at that.
@164 taig:
That reminds me of a blind joke.
@The Quiet Man: SF: Ces will get a bit of grudging respect from me if he can tie all three of these storylines together a la ‘It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World.’
_________________
The fortune in Star Wars toys is buried under a big werewolf.
My only experience with she-crab soup (or bisque) is from reading “Scarlett”, the sequel book to “Gone with the Wind”. One of the rich people’s cooks telling Scarlett you’ve got to use the she-crabs, not the he-crabs.
@Sequitur: #161: Maybe the Spanish-speaking countries issue a special pair of 3-D glasses to read it.
@Baja Gaijin: I’ll take your word for it. I’ve been to the Charleston/Beaufort/Savannah Low Country region many times, but haven’t ordered any she-crab soup since the 1980s.
Thick rich fattening creamy soups are not my bag, unless I’m in north New England coastal clam chowder country. And then only once or twice per vacation.
@167 Guillermo el chiclero: The cook is right; it’s the crab eggs that make the difference.
@169 Ukulele Ike: Next time you’re in Charleston, give it a try. The Savannah and Beaufort variants aren’t the “real” thing.
@Guillermo el chiclero: The she-crabs have the roe, which adds a depth of flavor to the soup.
Go visit Charleston or Savannah and grab a bowl. Prettiest cities in the South, after N’Awlins. And the food is wonderful!
@Baja Gaijin: @144 Ukulele Ike: Cockroach droppings or ground pepper.
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“Ahhhh, now there’s a hard choice…”- Rev. Jim Ignatowski, “Taxi” (adapted).
@Guillermo el chiclero: Also happens in rural Montana, or really anywhere in the backcountry.
@Baja Gaijin: The Ukulele Lady and I were married in Washington Square Park in Charleston in 1989*, the same day Iran put the Fatwah on Salman Rushdie. That was the last time we had she-crab soup.
We’ve had memorable seafood and soul food in Beaufort and Savannah, but never asked for crab soup there.
* The JP asked us if we wanted to be married on the Confederate Memorial (“many people do!”) and we had to explain that we were both Yankees and our people kicked their pathetic slave-owning asses six ways from Sunday during the War, no thanks.
@173 Tom:
In Hootin’ Holler they broadcast the chicken stealin’ finals.
@Ukulele Ike: That would certainly explain the Robert Conrad cameo the other day when he dared the bully to knock the kid’s head off.
@172 Garrison Skunk: Um, not really.
@179 Ukulele Ike: You had a beautiful wedding. Charleston in springtime when the flowers are blooming is almost magical. Congratulations on 35 years!
@Ukulele Ike: #174: You’re lucky a bunch of Lost Cause fanatics didn’t treat you too a beat down. You should’ve gotten married in Savannah by the Pulaski Memorial. That’s one both diehard Unionists and Confederate apologists can agree on. General Pulaski took a British musketball in the face leading a cavalry charge during the American Revolution.
@178 Guillermo el chiclero: ” General Pulaski took a British musketball in the face…” That’s gotta hurt!
@Garrison Skunk: Bwahahahaha!
@Baja Gaijin: Thanks, pal. It WAS lovely. Marry the next Missus Gaijin there.
@Guillermo el chiclero: I would have mystically invoked the spirit of the warring Henry Ward Beecher, Brooklyn abolitionist, and SMOTED THEIR ASSES GOOD.
(The Ukulele Lady’s horrible sister wanted to get married in Charleston too, but in order to preserve the sanctity of her own marriage city UL took over the entire planning and MOVED THE WHOLE THING TO SAVANNAH. Bitch sister never noticed, and the food was just as good.)
@Needless Exposition: Moy is Asian American. But don’t let that stop you.
@Little Blue Bicycle: Then this site must be shite.
@Baja Gaijin: Well, you can drink the sherry while you’re preparing the dish, perhaps it’ll look better as you proceed.
@158 Sequitur: I haven’t had so much fun doing a Mary Worth mashup in a while as I have with tomorrow’s strip.
@184 Dr. Pill: True. You won’t give a damn about the bisque.
@185 Baja Gaijin:
I can’t wait to see what you have in store. As a side note I’ll let you know that next Sunday Dawn comes home to Wilbur.
She’s not happy.
@Needless Exposition:
Low & Hi-less: “Because he said he was a magic fish and would grant me three wishes if I released him.”” -POP-,POP,-POP! Chip,Ditto, and Dot POP out of existence.
@186 Sequitur: Of course she’s not happy: Wilbur’s there, Stellan isn’t.
@Baja Gaijin: @172 Garrison Skunk: Um, not really.
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Well, Jim has unique tastes, or so I’ve been told by those who have tasted him.
@Sequitur:@Sequitur: As a side note I’ll let you know that next Sunday Dawn comes home to Wilbur.
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The wackiness begins when Tony Orlando moves in with Mary.
@190 Garrison Skunk:
I gotta say, that made me *snerk*
@188 Baja Gaijin:
Yes. In a panel one fish remains.
@192 Sequitur: Wait, what? One fish’s remains? NOOOO!!!
Sunday Mark: late 1800s or late 19th century. Late 1900s Bill Clinton was president