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Gil Thorp, 8/30/24

America yearns to know: What’s up with the beloved new character “Torch” in Gil Thorp? Have we figured out if “Torch” is his first name, or his nickname, or his last name, maybe? Well, we haven’t, as it happens, and some people are getting desperate to find out. Rodney Barnes, for instance, is trying to instigate a little on-field fracas, just to see if Gil hits the new kid with a “Mister” so we can find out his surname. Alas, however: Rodney miscalculated and ended up on the receiving end of a “Mister” himself! Ah, well, good try, son. We’ll get this figured out someday, don’t you worry.

Marvin, 8/30/24

“Jordan, you ready to swim in my pool?” “Is the water in the pool going to get befouled by your piss and shit?” “Yes.” “Pass.”