Looks like somebody got … [puts on sunglasses] … burned
Post Content
Gil Thorp, 8/30/24
America yearns to know: What’s up with the beloved new character “Torch” in Gil Thorp? Have we figured out if “Torch” is his first name, or his nickname, or his last name, maybe? Well, we haven’t, as it happens, and some people are getting desperate to find out. Rodney Barnes, for instance, is trying to instigate a little on-field fracas, just to see if Gil hits the new kid with a “Mister” so we can find out his surname. Alas, however: Rodney miscalculated and ended up on the receiving end of a “Mister” himself! Ah, well, good try, son. We’ll get this figured out someday, don’t you worry.
Marvin, 8/30/24
“Jordan, you ready to swim in my pool?” “Is the water in the pool going to get befouled by your piss and shit?” “Yes.” “Pass.”
137 replies to “Looks like somebody got … [puts on sunglasses] … burned”
Marvin: I’m surprised that Jordan is willing to even go near that pool in the first place with how many times Marvin has befouled it in this summer alone. It must be 99% piss by this point.
MW: Oh, boy, now we’re getting into the Irish and Yak rehash of the cafeteria goulash that is this storyline. Is Dr. See going to be just as safely bland as Nan or will this kitty show her claws when Dr. Ed turns his back? Honestly my emotional needle is fluctuating from “indifference” to “oh, a random squirrel.”
FC-Even the sea rejects Melonheads.
FC-“Let’s find that cute lifeguard and see if she’ll give us mouth to mouth again.”
Marvin: You ever suddenly notice that the way the ear on the far side of Marvin’s head is drawn looks like a nipple on his cheek and then you realise his whole cheek looks like a book and then you can’t unsee Marvin’s horrible face boob? His friend(?) has one too but I’m too upset to check if every character in this miserable strip also has a face boob.
GT: Panel one’s anime speed lines, courtesy “Speed Racer.”
GT:
“WEET!”
“What is it, Coach?”
“Son, no trash talking, okay? — I want people to think of you, and the quality of having high moral principles and a stately demeanor, in the same breath!”
“No. Don’t say it, Coach.”
“Yep. ‘Barnes‘ and ‘Noble’ !”
RMMD:
Thesis: all cartoon hamburgers are festooned with lettuce. Discuss.
It seems odd that Marvin’s parents would fill up a kiddie pool and not bother to put Marvin in a swim diaper. It doesn’t seem quite so odd that the depth of the water in the pool is higher than anything Marvin might breathe through.
Curtis: “Yes, your idea was, well, stupid, even though those old folks didn’t tell you because I’m telling you as your father, so that’s why they went back to London and…. FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS?!?!
Later, Billingsley calls forth the Spirit of Lee Falk: “Okay, how the hell do I get out of this? Just lose the check so they can be poor again?”
GT:
“Torch? Well, I just torched your — ”
“WEET!”
“Hey, why did you blow your whistle and not let me complete that sentence, Coach? I was going to finish it with ‘fundament,’ or ‘posterior,’ or ‘derriere,’ or ‘gluteus maximus.’ I wasn’t going to use a bad word!”
— penis!
GT: Uh oh. If Rodney was able to turn Torch’s nickname against him, things aren’t looking good for Buster, Wiz, and T-Bag.
FC: But… that does happen. Fish and other sea creatures get washed onto the shore all the time. They can usually prevent it from swimming away from the shore. Humans also have this ability. Isn’t Billy supposed to be one of the less-stupid Keane Kids?
JP: “I could think of nothing better than him deep in that ocean for all eternity! That’s why I dumped him in eight feet of water right next to the beach! I don’t like letting myself get too happy!”
MW: “Estelle, this is Sheila See.”
“Yes, Ed, I see.”
“And that’s Bill Wright.”
“Right, Bill.”
“And over there’s Tabitha Kay…”
“Mm hmm, ‘kay.”
“…And Simon Goditt…”
“Got it.”
“…And last but not least, meet our guest of honor, Albie Goshdarnd!”
“Oh, come on, Ed. No real person would have a name that ridiculous.”
“Sob!”
“No! Dr. Goshdarnd! Come back!”
GT: FYI, for those not versed in ass-speak.
“I just torched your ass!” means “I beat you bad.”
The response; “My ass!” or alternately “Your ass!” means “No you didn’t.”
GT Really neat that Gil is able to blow a whistle and talk and the same time. He must be dynamite at the school talent show.
Marvin: Bad as that is, it’s better than the punchline I had predicted: “Hey, this isn’t water...”
MARVIN: What Jordan really means is, “Anyone who has achieved our level of verbal skills has no excuse for not being toilet trained. Simple as that.”
MW: We’re in for weeks of Estelle’s insecure whining, until it comes to light that the lovely Dr. See, as a side hustle, creates and sells animal masks. Happy ending for all! ( well, except for the wedding guests)
@Bob Tice: “I gotta hand it to you, though, Rodney, you can really book it on the field! Like a million miles per hours! Maybe we oughta call you-”
“For the love of God, Coach Thorp, just stop!”
Gil Thorp : Milford’s Home kit is a white jersey with a red argyle sweater vest on top? No wonder they only ever show Away games on this strip!
MW: Stell and Sheila See shake hands as Dr. Ed looks on. He sees them smiling at each other, but has no clue that their death-grip handshake is their silent acknowledgement that they are mentally appraising each other.
STELL: So you’re a doctor and I’m just an unpaid receptionist who walks dogs on the green mile.
SHEILA: Yes, and I do gray hair better. I’m sporting a style that says I’m mature but HIP.
STELL: You’re pretty short….
SHEILA: Great things come in small packages!
STELL: Ed and I are engaged, you know.
SHEILA: Don’t kid yourself. You’re not his type. You’re just his temporary plaything, doll.
STELL: “DOLL”??!!
SHEILA: Yeah. Doll. As in, I can see the crack where your arm is attached. You really shouldn’t wear sleeveless outfits. That’s actually worse than showing your bra strap.
STELL: Oh, yeah? Well, YOUR bra has only ONE CUP! I’ve never met anyone who had only one boob right in the middle of her chest!
SHEILA: Ed has always found my one breast to be sufficient.
STELL: That might be because he hadn’t met ME. ONE CENTER BOOB? That’s only half the fun. I happen to know Ed enjoys TWO boobs.
SHEILA: Ed likes square shapes, did you know THAT? That’s why I wear these square earrings and necklace. You’ll never appeal to him with those dowdy earrings of yours. Keep wearing them, STELL.
STELL: Outside, chick.
SHEILA: Any. Time. You. Say. DOLL.
STELL: Bitch.
ED: say, how about we three enjoy a stroll around the convention center? We can look at the exhibits.
@MKay: Yeah, Estelle was all gung-ho about getting Ed into the mood for big wedding planning, but here she is meeting a bunch of people that Ed is likely to invite and she’s just being standoffish and weird. I’d call it sloppy and inconsistent writing, but it’s quicker to just say, “It’s Karen Moy.”
Marvin – “Just do what everyone else does and wear a haz-mat suit!”
MW:
“Ed, why is this trollop addressing me by the name of the ancient Mesopotamian city near present-day Nasiriyah which housed the great Neo-Sumerian Ziggurat whose ruins exist to this day?”
“Sheila, I think she was saying ‘Er,’ not ‘Ur.’ ”
RMMD: This could be an awkward conversation between Truck and Wanda:
“My muse abandoned me. Oh, and apparently I’ve also just come down with leprosy. Hope you don’t mind.”
MW: If only…
Ed: “So, Sheila, how have you been?”
Sheila: “Well for starters, I just got divorced, I’m on the rebound, and I’m hot to trot!”
Ed: “See you later, Stell. Much, much, much later.”
RMMD:
No matter what you are
She will always be your muse
Doesn’t matter what you do, Truck
Ooh, Truck
Write roots
(Inspired by Truck’s bad finger)
FC: You can forgive Billy’s stupidity. It’s the chemicals from the discarded hypodermic needle he’s sitting on talking.
I can’t believe Marvin didn’t ask “Pass what?” in reply.
9CL – Turned into the Spice Channel from 1996 so inevitably that nobody cared.
I have no idea what the motivation is for their excitement in the final panel, but that really doesn’t matter. At least we can still count on someone being in water up to their neck every day, and Brooke taking advantage by drawing them as just a floating head for three panels.
Don Abundio, translated:
“Want a snack, Melo?”
“Sure! What’s there to eat?”
“Dutch apple pie!”
“Bah, Pierre! You’ve reminded the poor fool that he’s hopelessly in love with Marie Callender!”
Christ, I hate it when Josh leads off with Gil Thorp. I’m an old man and don’t need to start the day wondering if I suffered an event during the night that left me unable to comprehend an English language comic strip.
Gil Thorp: “Mr. Barnes! What’s the first rule of interacting with fellow players on this team?!” “…No trashtalking without adding a homophobic slur?” “That’s right. I’ll have you prepped for the NFL before you know it, Son.”
FC:
From Here to Infirmity.
MW – Aaaaand, Karen Moy’s Mary-Sue enters the strip.
Also Gil Thorp: “Whee look at me, I’m carrying an imaginary Olympic torch! Oops, I caught a football instead!”
“Think we should rerun the concussion protocol on him? He hit that goalpost pretty hard.”
“No. He’s…perfect.”
I’m impressed that Gil can blow his whistle and talk at the same time, but that shouldn’t come as a surprise when his comic has long managed to simultaneously suck and blow.
@astroboy: It would be hilarious if Moy’s actual Mary Sue (i.e., the representation of Moy who went on a date with Wilbur) just showed up at random to advance the plot/sow chaos in the lives of the other characters.
Gil, no! I need closure on this profanity!
Marvin: Pepperidge Farm should have passed on this product placement effort. While their Goldfish crackers remain popular, I suspect the aquatic mascots on the side of the pool will be frowning or have Xs marking their eyes after Marvin enters the pool without a waterproof diaper.
@Rube: HILARIOUS!
Gil Thorp, uncensored: “I just torched your WEETABIX!” It’s kind of like saying that you ate the other team for breakfast.
MW:
“Wait a minute. Are you telling me that your name is actually ‘Dr. Sheila See’ ?”
“Well, it wasn’t my first choice, but Sheila Escobedo had already appropriated the base of the natural logarithm function e for her own sobriquet, so I went with something that was reasonably close.”
Gil Thorp – It’s amazing Gil Thorp decides it needs to censor the word “ass”, while Six Chix has BDSM pizza parties.
Marvin – Marvin is straight up angry at being rejected. He’ll turn that shame and embarrassment into a crusade against sewage and water treatment facilities until everyone is living in their own excrement.
Gil Thorp: Gil should not have cut Rod’s insult short, because “I just torched your WEET!” sounds way more disgusting than anything Barnes would have actually said.
In more exciting Gil Thorp news, the actress who played Hadley V Baxendale has reemerged as Dr. Sheila See, probable rival for Dr. Ed’s affection over in Mary Worth.
Marvin: I am all in favor of Marvin swimming in a pool that is taller than he is, especially with just one strip left to close out the week.
GT: Bad Torch.
Marvin: “I’m going to play in the sandbox all the neighborhood cats use. It’s cleaner.”
Blondie: “I imagined you wearing a really tall chef’s hat…and nothing else!”
“Yeah, I get that a lot, pervo”
@astroboy: Carol got her doctorate in veterinary medicine and changed her name. Just like Karen Moy always wanted to do.
Frazz: Define “insufferable.”
Luann: Never mind. I got my definition.
CS: I SAID, “NEVER MIND!”
MW: “Er, nice to meet you.”
“ ‘Er‘? What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Er . . .”
“There, you did it again!”
“I, er . . .”
“Boy, you’re a real bitch, aren’t you?”
“Uh . . .”
“It’s too late to change your tune now, sister! Screw you! And screw you too, Ed!”
[to Estelle] “Sheila was always wound a little tight.”
GT: I prefer to think that “Torch” just has a one-word name, like a pop star or an American Gladiator.
(Did I miss something? I thought Rodney Barnes was in college now. Was he sent back to high school as a result?)
@TheDiva: As a result of not making the college football team, I mean. Sometimes the brain-to-keyboard connection shorts out.
9CL: I guess the new race (see yesterday’s strip –Ed.) won’t be able to swim.
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: Karen/Carol/Sheila really gets around Santa Royale, showing just how small it really is for a SoCal city with more pets than non-WASP humans and children under nineteen.
@pugfuggly:
“Coach Thorp won the talent show and died while simultaneously blowing a whistle, drinking a glass of water, and performing ventriloquism.”
It was a great trick, but to steal from Daffy Duck, he could only do it once.
MW: “Sheila See sees seahorses by the seashore.”
FC: Next summer, Billy gets sent to Innsmouth for summer camp.
Zits: “OK. OK. You and your little friends can trash the place first.”
JP: Glen offers to drive Reena and Sophie back to the city.
“Whoa there big boy.” Says Sophie. “I believe under maritime salvage law you owe me one tow chain.”
Dustin: has the ice cream store already fired Dustin?
JP: the guy’s probably wealthy and has a lawyer on retainer and he’s going insist on drunken blabbering.
@Professor Well Actually: It wasn’t Dustin’s fault this time. Ed demanded he get free ice cream since his son was an employee there, and the store didn’t want to go bankrupt.
FC: That night in bed, a tormented Daddy Keane tosses and turns, unable to figure out why the ocean lets the fish stay in there.
CS: “I see you have Blood on the Leather: My Life in BDSM. I’m covering that in my American Lit class.”
“You sick fuck.”
GT: Torch got his nickname when he tried to light a fart and it all went sideways.
Gil Thorp: Just two guys talkin’ shit, figuratively.
Marvin: Just two guys talkin’ shit, literally.
Gil had to intervene! Rodney’s trash talk is pathetic, incapable of either hurting the morale of the adversaries or to build Rodney’s persona as a tough guy. Gil should have known that there would be drawbacks from zoning out all poor children from the school district!
Luann: Not sure where this is heading but unless I’m misreading the clues Toni and Paula Dean will soon embrace in a long, mouth-on-mouth kiss.
CS: “And we’re reading Mein Kampf!”
Luann: I know we’re supposed to think Shannon is brave and in the right, but letting a six-year-old clap back at an adult is always a parenting fail.
S4: As always, making every character talk like Ted is not charming.
9CL: Making every character talk and act like an alien is not fun either.
You can laugh now, Mr. Barnes, but don’t be surprised when your car is set on fire in the school parking lot.
GT:
“Torch? Well, I just torched your — ”
“Yeah, but then you ran right out of bounds — you know, like Franco Harris used to do with the Steelers. So there!”
C’shaft: In addition to Fahrenheit 451, I can make out Catcher in the Rye, Maus, 1984, Beloved, To Kill a Mockingbird, and The Alchemist. None of these made the ALA’s Top Ten Banned Books list in 2022 or 2023 (thought Toni Morrison’s The Bluest Eye did, and Maus generated some highly-publicized controversy a couple years back). But acknowledging the titles that did would require Batiuk to become acquainted with something published in the past thirty years, which is more effort than he’s willing to put in to this.
Dustin: So Dustin’s dad shows up at the ice cream parlor where he’s working, and next thing we know he’s no longer working there? Maybe Dustin’s just trying to find a place where he can truly be free of his terrible family.
JP: Aaaaand yep, self-incriminating motive rant, right on schedule. Called it.
Luann: Oh please, like Clan Evans hasn’t been insinuating that Shannon’s a little hellion because Toni’s brother is a Bad Father Who Should Feel Bad for years now…
MW: “Listen, Dr. Sheila See, you keep your hands off my man, you hear?”
“What, are you crazy? I’ve been happily married for thirty years, and trust me, Ed is NOT my type. Good luck with him, though, you’ll need it!”
Pluggers are not healthy enough to engage in physical activity.
9CL – Now I understand. It’s all so clear.
The entire, decades-long, run of this strip, from the Ur- couple of A-mos and E-dda, through Catholic school multiple times via time travel, to their wedding and ultimately giving birth to identical twin daughters who grew up to become precious teenagers who love the water and like to spend all their time there in skimpy bikinis, and down to the present time, has all been building to today’s final panel.
Their destiny finally achieved, one wonders what they will do as an encore.
Nah, I think the encore is pretty obvious…
RMMD: “You know, Truck, some of the most iconic songs in country are about jobs and working for a living. You ought to try it because, frankly, I’m getting pretty tired of being the sole support of you and your . . . muse.”
GT: “Mister Barnes, we’ll have none of that unsportsmanlike ‘trash talking,’ as you youngsters like to say. Now give Torch a pat on the rump and a sincere ‘nice effort,’ or there will be no orange slices after practice.”
GT – Oh Boy! The important lesson of good touch versus bad touch….
Marvin – SoS – and I mean literally….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
MW: GASSSSSSP!!!! Dr Ed knows other women! And they’re veterinarians! And they are (by Mary Worth standards) attractive!
Surely Stelle will deal with this with her usual cool head and it won’t become an issue.
GT: “I say, old bean, in this country, you should call me ‘flashlight’!”
JP: Unprovoked confession is just terrible storytelling.
Beetle Moses: I don’t get it.
@Tom T.: on Beetle Moses: That’s the waiter’s “I wanna fuck the guy ordering wine” face. You really don’t want to see his O-face.
Happy Labor Day Weekend, Y’all!
CROSS COMIX:. “And what flavor of hair would you like in that?”. BLONDIE, Rw/O
JP:. Three issues first need exploring:
1) Dad brought home a lot of money, why if as Uncle says he really was only a figurehead? Where did money and status come from?
2) Uncle is smart man. Why is he setting himself up for a death penalty or life conviction…is he protecting someone?
3) Where is Lucas?
Discussion:. Seems like Dad was a shadowy figure. In terms of this strip, he was probably dealing drugs or weapons, though the Bowens seemed to work harder. Check with April.
A confession is not enough. Like Soph said, check the rest of the evidence to ensure Uncle is not protecting someone else.
In any event, if Dad really was just a figurehead, no need to guilt trip either son into replacing him at top of hated family business.
Ooo, if Uncle really is the company’s China liaison, will he now deal with Mark, farmboy turned international corporate lawyer? Hope so– he’s a catch for Neddy and was raised with the morals to set everything right.
Pluggers: Is the “pluggers are massive diseased meat bags rotting from within” really an appropriate message for a comic strip aimed at old people?
MW: Oh…it’s…”Sheila See.” “Sheila see WHAT?,” I ask – HA HA HA HA HA!!! ha…ha…h…oh forget it…
Quite honestly, from yesterday’s strip showing the off-panel “Ed!” I was half-hoping to see someone like Esme the Entertainer making a grand entrance with spotlights, backup dancers and full orchestra and heading right for Stell’s good-looking fiancé and planting a big kiss on him with a “come hither’ look in her smoldering eyes. “Half” hoping, I say, because this is “Mary Worth” after all, and I never dare to *fully* hope for anything.
@Baja Gaijin: From the first look at that, I thought the Plugger was on the shitter. But that would make sense, too.
@TheDiva:
#63. CS:. After seeing it was to be “banned” from schools and a fan of Morrison, I read “The Bluest Eye”. It deals with child abuse and incest in an unloved pre-teen girl without showing a way out for her. I went from totally being against a book ban to delaying that book until high school years. Adolescents do not have knowledge or strength to handle the pain.
@Charterstoned:
#17. MW:. You nailed both the unspoken conversation and Ed’s obliviousness.
GT: “Torch? Well, I just torched your small business for the insurance money, as we agreed!”
MW: Sheila removes her mask, revealing herself to be… Sheila Roo from Pluggers!
“I could never breathe in this thing… regardless cool human-sonas guys. This Skinny convention is going to be the best yet!”
MW:
“Ed, how are you?”
“Who wants to know?”
@Activist: I haven’t been keeping up with Judge Parker, so I’m personally curious if Lucas has ever appeared on-panel or if he’s some off-screen presence like Maris from Frasier, or Edward’s Dog from RMMD.
WEET! “OK, pop quiz, Mister Barnes. Last word in Slaughterhouse-Five is? That’s what I thought. I even gave you a hint. Back to Remedial English with you, and you’re off the field until you can intelligently discuss Vonnegut with us!”
MW: is Sheila an attempt at racial diversity?
@Drew Funk: There is an occasional commenter over at defector.com who uses the screen name “Hadley V. Baxendale”.
@Activist: re JP:
1. Good point, and furthermore Harold was established as always extremely socially awkward and that he tried to avoid interacting with colleagues and customers as much as possible. He wasn’t set up as some tech genius with a billion dollar idea or a finance guru with a supernatural intuition or even the heir to a company built by his predecessors, either, just an ordinary business executive. How does this make any sense?
2. It’s Marciuliano writing. Trey isn’t a character who needs to behave like a human being, he’s just a plot device.
3. I’m kind of hoping Lucas has been hanging out with Neddy, which would also explain where the hell she’s been this whole time.
Short answer to all questions: it’s Marciuliano.
@The Rambling Otter:
#79. JP:. As I remember, he introduced Soph and Reena at party. He later told Reena and Soph the man was actually his mom’s brother as his dad never showed. He’s obviously chagrined by everyone preferring his brother and is in hiding. Being the youngest of three, I relate.
@jroggs: #11
“Isn’t Billy supposed to be one of the less-stupid Keane Kids?”
Uh…if we’re looking at a Bell Curve of stupidity for this family from left to right, the lowest ranking would be Jeffy [with an IQ slightly higher than a sea cucumber], followed by Dolly, PJ and then Billy. Bil and Thel would be at the pinnacle; and the far right – signifying the highest intelligence – are Kitty Cat and the dogs.
Judge Parker Having spent some time in the criminal courts when I was young, somebody making an incriminating statement for no good reason is one of the more realistic things I have seen in the comics in years.
JP – No, that’s an opinion. If I say that I could think of nothing better than putting Sophie and/or Harry Dinkle in a rocket to the moon and then dumping them in deep space, it doesn’t mean that I actually did that.
Rhymes With Orange – Why the PTA never asks her to make something for the bake sale.
Crankshaft – Wait a minute. Les’s high school class had their fiftieth reunion a couple of years ago, which would make Less at least seventy years old. And he’s still teaching? I guess perpetual smugness keeps him young.
Six Chix: Later, after her meth binge.
@Veronica: Let’s hear it for the face boobs!
Marvin: God, look at the fucking RAGE in Marvin’s eyes. He does NOT like it when people refuse to play along with his bit!
@Tom T.: #68
Re “Beetle Moses” – that is one inscrutable comic strip! Googling “gene server” did not help at all. :-)
MW: I just remembered a time back in the 90s when my boss had to travel for meetings and stayed at a hotel that was then also hosting a convention of zookeepers. He said it turned into a rager as the night got later, with women standing on the balcony of the inside atrium and throwing food down to crowds of men on the main floor.
@Activist: I have no problem with designating books as intended for teens/adults. I read Maus after the dust-up over it; it’s one of the most powerful books I’ve ever read, a harrowing story that turns the Holocaust from an abstract historical horror into something urgent, personal, and inescapable, but it’s definitely not kiddie fare. But in my experience children tend to seek their own level when they’re reading–given the choice between The Bluest Eye and the latest DogMan book, your average ten-year-old will automatically gravitate to the latter. And most of these books would be designated for high school students anyway. But that’s a nuance missing from the vast majority of book challenges, which seem inspired by the idea that because the challenger is uncomfortable with the material, nobody else should have access to it ever.
CS: Was Fahrenheit 451 ever really banned? There’s no excessive sex or inconvenient racism history in it. It would only have been banned if book banners didn’t want book readers reading books about why banning books is bad. Should I say that again?
FG: “We’re sorry for our involvement in the events that killed most of your crewmates and turned the others into killer mutants, three of which we just killed in front of you. To show our contrition, here’s a sword you can use to finish the rest off yourself when they come for you, since we are totally going to leave you here with them.”
@Tom T.: The hotel should have put a sign on the balcony saying PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ZOOKEEPERS.
@Ukulele Ike: I took Fahrenheit 451 451 in high school so I don’t remember it ever being banned. Is Lady Chatterly’s Lover in that display?
@Professor Well Actually: It’s a reskin of Karen Moy’s self insert who went on a date with Wilbur. For Santa Royale and its WASPy adult paradise of pets, that’s as diverse as it’s willing to go.
@Ukulele Ike: From the webs:
Starting in 1967, publisher Ballantine Books produced a second version of the text for consumption by high schoolers, omitting supposedly offensive curse words and a reference to a drunk.
I honestly don’t remember any curse words, but it has been awhile since I read the book.
@Tom T.: I know we’re also supposed to think Toni is brave and in the right, but engaging with another adult (a stranger in a public place, yet) in a loud stupid insult exchange in front of two children also seems like a parenting fail to me.
@jroggs:
#83. JP:. Not that anyone asked, but as someone who likes happy endings with plots wrapped up and a bow, here’s what I’d have happen.
Dad was indeed well paid for selling serious criminal things. He failed to pay The Mob so they threatened to kill his wife and family. He talked to Uncle because Dad actually loved his family. With Dad’s permission Uncle worked out deal with The Mob for his dealer to have “girlfriend” kill him. Uncle would dispose of body close to shore where it would naturally be found and identified, and Uncle would take blame as he too loves his sister and nephews. Helena/Blythe not suspected of the paid assassination, Uncle pretends to confess, and widow and sons live happily ever after.
LUANN: It seems most likely that the New Revised Shannon will be featured in LUANN from now on. In honor of this very special change, could N.R.S. please be given more normal human eyebrows so she doesn’t look angry 24/7? It is possible for a comic-strip character to have thick black eyebrows and yet not look furious all the time. Take Bwad. Please.
Great comments today. Sure wish blog allowed upvotes.
love is... bird droppings.
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith Spanish to English.
@The Rambling Otter: Lucas was onscreen, playing what seemed to be a Potential Sophie Boyfriend for a few weeks. He was mildly interesting and I didn’t mind his social awkwardness. But when he had a chagrin-meltdown because his brother saved Sophie from drowning, instead of Lucas saving Sophie from drowning himself, that’s when I decided “meh.” Though something about the chagrin episode made me wonder if Karen or June knew a real young man who was like that, long ago.
“Er…nice to meet you.”
“Uh…you too.”
“Welp…ladies…that punch sure looks refreshing.”
“Um…I think I’ll pass. Watching the AC1”
“Oh…right.”
“Yeah…aging. Am I right?”
“Ha…yes indeed.”
“Ahem…Ed? This is getting….”
“Ah…Stell. I almost forgot you were here.
“ZOINKS!”
RMMD: I’m going to take a wild guess that Truck will not talk to Doris about this problem until it gets advanced and obvious.
@Poteet: It’s Ces who writes JP. I suspect he knows the type, or even feels he was the type.
@Poteet: Shannon is the Eyebrow Queen of Comics Rage like Tina’s Groove’s Tina is the Eyebrow Queen of Comics Dejection.
@Rube: WHOA! Quite a blooper that was, thanks much for the gentle correction. Yes indeed, autumn is coming to Cavelton, and apparently also to my brain.
@111 Poteet:
It’s not as bad as winter when things go dormant.
GT: “Torch? Well, I just torched your — ”
I honestly thought the next word was going to be “mother”.
MW: “Stell, this is Dr. Sheila See.” “See? Well, I just saw your-” [coach blows whistle]
Luann: At least Shannon didn’t bite the other mom’s finger, as she did Ann Eiffel’s & suffered no consequences thereon.
It just makes me mad that Gil Thorp consists of two panels of vaguely rendered action and one panel of halfhearted dialogue and for them that’s a day’s work.
Herman – “Does it work?”
“Like a charm! Nobody’s offered to hire me yet!”
Nancy Classics, first two panels – We had to make our own fun back in those days.
@TheDiva: Regarding Dustin, I’m willing to bet Ed pulled the ice cream lady aside and told her how much of a lazy, terrible, and stupid person Dustin is (all while scarfing down his usual order of a gallon of ice cream with a few combined pounds of toppings), leading to Dustin getting fired. Because Ed can’t live without the sustained disdain his has for his son.
@Little Guy: Curtis’s parents will demand he gives his check to Barry, who will blow it all on candy or something else completely stupid. The parents, and the strip, will still somehow make it all Curtis’s fault.
Luann: No. No, no, no, no, NO! If my kid was being driven to cry by some other kid on the playground, I would be absolutely in the right to confront that kid and their parents. You cannot just dismiss this as “Oh this Karen is actually in the wrong for overreacting”! PISS OFF!
CANDORVILLE:. Finally some candor in Candorville. Let’s hope if Ms. Garcia and Mr. Fitzhugh put their brains together, they can outsmart Dick Fink.
JS:. Poor Peterson. Loses his new partner, loses favor with his boss, tries to make lemonade out of lemons by being a Maverick. Not allowed in law enforcement.
SF:. Be forewarned and prepared. If IRS finds that money obtained through illegal activities, everything will be forfeit.
@TheDiva: #93
Excellent response. I agree about MAUS – it was an emotionally fraught experience for me to read it. So powerful.
@118 Peanut Gallery:
What? You don’t do that anymore?
@Sequitur: Aw, it’s no fun anymore with these newfangled meters that take Venmo and Apple Pay.
@Daisy:
123, 93:. Maus is my next read. Thanks for recommendations.
MARVIN: I hope modern waterproof diapers are more reliable than those of long ago. I shall say no more.
GT: “Mr. Barnes, do I have to remind you? No false arson confessions! They just cost a lot of time and aggravation, and a whole lot of paperwork.”
Marvin: Yeah, like there wouldn’t already be a miasma hanging over the pool to answer Jordan’s question.
PHANTOM: Going alone with no one but horse and wolf, armed only with sidearm and knowledge of terrain, Phantom proceeds to meet an apparently indestructible executioner without having a viable plan. Not the sweetest cookie in the jar.
9CL: Somebody did something wrong, kid, and his name is floating above your head.
C-Shaft: The only way Lillian knows how to promote a selection of banned books is to put up a sign saying they’re 5 minutes from a bonfire, which shows you how much respect she has for her customers.
DT: Dick didn’t even look up from his reports so he missed Jr. balancing that yellow fedora on his fingertip.
Dustin: It doesn’t look like either one of these guys know to lift with the legs so the point is moot.
H&L: The move from “Dot’s idiot twin who barely even merits a name” to “precocious doomsday prepper” very well could be seen as a promotion.
JP: Hey, any of you ever forget that the police just told you they can’t make you talk and that you have the right to an attorney, a bunch of which you already have on retainer? No, me neither, but I just thought of it for some reason.
MW: You know how women will often “borrow” one or more pieces of their boyfriend’s wardrobe and wind up keeping it and wearing it even after they break up. Well, the good Dr. See has apparently done that with Willy Wonka, Prince, or the guy standing in front of her, so this couple’s getaway (?) to the vets’ convention is going great.
S4th: YMMV but I think the occasional Forth-y quip in Judge Parker has worked out pretty well. Putting the Parker mix of “improbable melodrama and huge cash payouts” into Sally Forth on the other hand…
@TheDiva: Excellent points. Also, kids can change their minds. I read some adult books around age eleven, but there were other adult books that I stopped reading after a few pages because I didn’t like them. I remember that one of the latter was THE CARPETBAGGERS, which I think I found in a vacant lot and never mentioned to my parents:-).
@JamesBont: It would have been nice to have someone who wasn’t so much of a caricature confronting Brad and Toni, but I’ve learned the Evanses are allergic to nuance.
Wilbur Weston’s allergy spray.
@Baja Gaijin: Ew!
@134 taig: Yeah, Wilbur Weston is kinda grody.
@133 Baja Gaijin:
That almost make me want you to go back to those late thread recipes.
ALMOST!
@Activist: #126
You are very welcome!