One-panel Wednesday
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Hagar the Horrible, 11/6/24
Not really sure what to make of the wordbuilding behind this one. Are we meant to believe that a wily group of forest Finns are seeking to ambush Hagar and his warband, whose latest raiding expedition is traveling into unfamiliar territory? Or is this literally a region where bears have evolved intelligence and rudimentary forms of performance, and their wiles are about to lure the gang to either an untimely death or a truly disturbing sexual awakening? At any rate, if these guys miss Paris so much, I guess they shouldn’t have burned it down.
Dennis the Menace, 11/6/24
Based on the looks the Wilsons are exchanging, this is the beginning of some kind of sexual roleplay. “You paid for the hat, is there anything I can do for you in return?” “Well, maybe…” Presumably the reason George is always so pissed at Dennis’s constant presence is because it cramps their erotic style, whereas Martha actually likes the fact that they need to speak in code, it makes the whole thing more thrilling to her.
Family Circus, 11/6/24
It’s because he’s very stupid, OK? It’s probably not going to help but if you have any better ideas I’d sure like to hear them!!!!
95 replies to “One-panel Wednesday”
FC: To be fair, “Why are you brainwashing [name]?” could be the caption of 90% of Family Circus strips.
DTM: Dennis the Menace is so old that its funny old-person fashions have looped around and become cool again. All the influencers are wearing hats like that now. Martha is brim-based and strawpilled. She’s in her panama era. Absolutely shademaxing. Out to get railed in a sun hat.
FC:
“Does this mean now that if I flash Jeffy the Queen of Diamonds, he’ll do whatever I want?”
DtM:
Mrs. Wilson is morphing into Mrs. Doubtfire.
HtH – Once I read Josh’s comment about “bears (having) evolved intelligence,” I went back and scanned the panel to look for Slylock Fox.
HTH- at the end of the Viking era, Beserkers gave up on the whole ” just charge recklessly at the enemy” thing
The really disturbing implication here is that Dolly has never had her hair washed. She probably doesn’t even need that hair tie any more at this point.
MW: Wilbur goes home to find Willa floating.
RMMD: If I’m not mistaken, “you all” is properly used when addressing more than one person. Has Truck been faking folksy? If so, PLEASE lose those sideburns!
HtH: That Lucky Eddie’s first thought is Le Can-Can and not a possible ambush is sufficient reason to relegate him to the rear.
DtM: Pink cheeks vs red nose. Nothing’s happening here without a blue pill.
HtH – They never let you lead do they, Lucky Eddie….
DtM – The hat purchase reference is code for this nation has gone to hell….
FC – This torturing effort at humor leaves me bored…you could even say water bored….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
HtH: Oh hey, this is actually some kinda-sorta history! The Anglo-Saxons built tumuli to bury their dead and there probably would been some overlap in the later use of the practice and the early years of Viking raids, and who’s to say they never used them as traps that also doubled as efficient body disposal by simply moving the rocks already conveniently placed at the entrance? The part about the dancing bears is pure nonsense, however. In that period they used juggling sheep.
JP: Remember when Declan stood by Neddy’s side during the entire ordeal of her being targeted for murder by a massive global criminal organization? As always, no, you are not allowed to remember that. So instead Hank (the clothing factory’s structural design engineer) gets the sole credit for silently standing next to Neddy (the clothing factory’s fashion designer) as she fielded the scary media questions and (somehow, allegedly) took all the blame about the structural design issues of the deathtrap Hank built. Now that’s a real man of character. Anyway, enough of that because it’s been almost three minutes since Glen spoke to Sophie so he’s texting her. Remember, Lucas is the obsessive and clingy one because that’s what Sophie and Reena said in spite of Lucas’s actual behavior. This pestering neediness from Glen is fine, though, because… because.
MW: “Animal circus” may just yet be the best euphemism for pubic lice I’ve ever heard.
HtH: So….they’re like strippers, right? I mean, I don’t know if a bear can strip per se, but like burlesque/sexy dancing? That’s what’s going on here?
DtM: “…and the dress, and the house and everything. It’s like 1962 or something, so I don’t work and my household work isn’t really counted.”
FC: Uh-oh, Dolly has denounced her mother for spreading lies about this so-called ‘germ theory’. SHe’ll be reported to the high council soon and banishment is sure to follow.
CS: Amazon is transporting schoolkids! Ha ha! Batiuk has discovered a comedy gold mine with this driver shortage crisis. Coming tomorrow: the mailman drops off a kid!
BB: Beetle’s puzzling reply suggests that he just had a stroke or something.
Frazz: “I personally don’t enter big competitive marathons because it cheapens the sacrament of running. And if for some reason I did, I would NEVER wear a medal for it; that’s just obscene. I prefer to live right here in my own head, where I am the purest narcissist who has ever existed.”
FC: Perhaps Dolly is unfamiliar with this process, having had her hair in a ponytail that has never been unbound for as long as she can remember. Every strand glued so tightly into place her her eyebrows keep trying to make a run for it. Not even able to sleep on her back. Thel has never regretted choosing that good old fashioned Johnson’s Baby Shamglue.
FC: The original caption was funnier.
Dolly pointing; “I hope that’s not the same water you washed his ass with.”
MW: Wilbur’s face of dismay definitely makes it appear that there’s going to be some meddling by him, some sabotage, or perhaps some low-key stalking? Also, his displeasure makes me happy.
H&L: The gag doesn’t work with Trixie as audience proxy unless that audience consists of Jeffy.
Hagar the Horrible – The Vikings still live in a world steeped in non-monotheistic paganism, so it’s not outside the norm for them to stumble upon the uncanny, the fantastic, and the unexpected. Rushing a well fortified castle is routine, and the curses of the priests and their chivalric knights about the future of their souls is nothing but hot air. But oddities like this are to be approach with caution, respect, and foreboding.
Dennis the Menace – Mrs. Wilson really looks like an older Margaret here. While Dennis canonically is more attracted to Gina (as much as 5 year-olds can be), this act between the Wilsons is imprinting on Dennis. Sadly, he will misinterpret “playful teasing” with menacing, and his early dating life will be a mess.
Family Circus – Jeffy watched some secular media and came out of it with some naughty words. Washing his mouth out with soap doesn’t work since he’s a sommelier of the cleaning chemicals found under the sink, so a symbolic brain cleaning is needed instead.
FC-Got to have a brain to wash.
FC-“Mary Worth does a better job at brainwashing.”
MW-Wilbur’s upset because there’s no open bar.
DtM: Apart from this being a dated throwback to the time when the wife was expected to have no income of her own and therefore was entirely dependent on her husband for everything, even personal luxuries, aren’t the Wilsons retired? Technically Social Security paid for that hat.
FC: “I’m not, dear; that’s what the homeschooling is for.”
DtM: A child really being into the sexual escapades of the two seniors next door? The menace level chart doesn’t go that high.
That hat is fine? Normally cartoonists will draw some exaggerated chapeau with all sorts atrocious adornments when dipping their toes in the “women’s hats are ridiculously over-styled” trope but here is Mr. Wilson trying to hold in laughter from a normal hat with maybe a fancier band than we’d usually see but is nothing to guffaw about. The only conclusion I can come to is that Mr. Wilson is sundowning and thinks the top of Mrs. Wilson’s head actually disappears when she puts on a hat, making a bucket hat something that covers a literal bucket head and that’s hilarious to him.
@TheDiva:
aren’t the Wilsons retired? Technically Social Security paid for that hat.
Googling shows that postal workers hired before 1984 were in a different retirement system with the federal government, which Mr. Wilson certainly would have been in
CS – I’ve always wondered what Charlie Brown would look like with a full head of hair.
C’shaft: “Mistah Prime? I hafta gotoda bafroom.”
“Milk jug’s under the seat, kiddo.”
JP: “Hey, we’re talking about MY convoluted relationship drama now, remember?”
MW: Some wine and cheese to go with your sour grapes, Wilbur?
RMMD: I never got the impression that Wanda was significantly younger than Truck, just that she wore it better (apart from her extra-in-Hairspray bouffant, I mean).
DtM: Based on George’s lifelong grumpiness, I had assumed his approach to marital sex was finishing in a few seconds, rolling over, and going to sleep, leaving Martha awake, unsatisfied, and miserable. Dennis’ constant presence might be all her doing, forcing a distraction on George while she retreats to the bedroom to, well, do it for herself.
@Weaselboy: It always seemed odd to me that Charlie Brown had no hair but his father was a barber. Did his father shave him nearly bald, or was he naturally hairless and his father was denied the opportunity to ply his craft upon his son?
HtH — Ah, yes, the Mermaids of the Seine! Many a ducat Eddie has spent taking in that floor show. A couple of bears in a poorly lit cave just isn’t going to do it for him.
Hagar is oddly curious about an avant-garde production of Plato’s allegory of the cave put on by medieval furries. Not exactly his cup of tea, Lucky Eddie much prefers the French enlightenment and their belief in the power of reason.
@jroggs, JP: My brain hurts remembering that. Not your fault.
You think, somehow, April will return, accompanied by Declan who will finally get to explain his side…?
I interpreted today’s Hagar to be a joke about Napoleon. Not a good one, but certainly an attempt.
Have a wonderful day everyone! Today is going to be awesome!
JP: Didn’t Hank have brown hair and a beard? Who’s this guy?
Dennis the Menace: The smug look on Dennis’ face here shows that he’s currently menacing his own parents just by being here. The message he’s sending is, “How boring must you two be if I’d rather hang around with our elderly neighbors all day, listening to their inane jokes without a single cookie in sight, than spend any time at home? Pretty damn boring, I would say!”
Pluggers: You’re a plugger if your eyes don’t work and you also have no feeling in your fingers, and dude, see a doctor already!
DtM: George laughs when he thinks back to Milton Berle wearing the same hat on the Texaco Star Theater show which is when he bought the hat for Martha. “Don’t laugh, George. In 1952 dollars, this hat cost you $1200.”
@Weaselboy: @Tom T.: I’ve always wondered what Charlie Brown would look like with a full head of hair.
It always seemed odd to me that Charlie Brown had no hair but his father was a barber. Did his father shave him nearly bald, or was he naturally hairless and his father was denied the opportunity to ply his craft upon his son?
He has hair. Schulz told NPR’s Terry Gross in a 1990 interview that: “I don’t think of it as not having hair. I think of it as being hair that is so blond that it’s not seen very clearly, that’s all.” So Charlie Brown is a super blond kid with a crew cut.
FC – “This is a new shampoo. What does R – I – D spell?”
Mary Worth – Wilbur is right. The cutesy shit with the animals singing is excruciating.
Frazz – He’s walking that way because he’s sore from all that running. You obviously don’t run, or you’d know that. You’d also know how superior he is because he runs.
Curtis: “You young people are the hope for the future” because we need your technological proficiency to keep electing octogenarians in our government.
Dustin: Surprisingly nobody wants to hire a person who is whiny, lazy, inexperienced, and has an undue sense of self entitlement. Go figure. The other day Dustin’s father finally told him that he had to get a job and start contributing financially for his room and board. Looking forward to seeing him move into a homeless encampment and get kicked out for being too lazy and obnoxious.
@jroggs: Re JP – I vividly remember the sinkhole, but my memory is fuzzy on the brouhaha afterwards. I dimly remember that Neddy took a lot of the blame, but didn’t Godiva get blamed, too?
That story was a shitshow. Everything about it was abominable, and every character behaved atrociously.
Hagar The Horrible: Hagar and company debate whether or not to do battle with a bunch of buff, hairy gay men.
Family Circus: Dolly questions the dogma and has learned what brainwashing is, which means she’s going into The Box until she learns to stop questioning the law of the Keane Kompound.
For the “Dennis” gag to work, Martha should have been wearing some outrageous Carmen Miranda type hat. As it is, it’s just a hat. It’s not a funny hat. Tom Batiuk could have designed that hat.
@I speak Jive: Taking over a comic strip that had sunken into the ludicrous and dumping the entire plot into a literal sinkhole? I call that “audacious,” and I applauded Ces at the time. I still think it’s one of JP’s greatest moments, along with the Brooklyn sociology major in Paris.
@jroggs:
#9. JR:. Yeah, I kind of remember Hunk standing by Neddy as she and Godiva took blame for the sinkhole disaster. HUNK’s sinkhole disaster. As engineer it was his responsibility to check ground and to ensure container complied with fire standards (no eback door to exit). Heck, by standing behind Ned and Godiva, he prevented dozens of lawsuits against that incompetent, just-out-of-school engineer.
RMMD: will Wanda accept Truck’s proposal or will we have a month or two of dithering?
@Ukulele Ike: I shouldn’t have lumped in the sinkhole with the rest of that story. I agree that the sinkhole was audacious and great. I recall that it happened just when Marciuliano took over the strip from Woody Wilson. It was a perfect way for him to get rid of a toxic story. I held a lot of goodwill toward Ces for a long time because of that sinkhole, but he’s squandered that.
The parts of the story that were atrocious: Godiva forcing Rocky Ledge to allow Neddy free use of land at his aerospace factory for a stupid reason that I don’t remember. (The entire Rocky – Godiva thing was bad, to put it mildly. Of course a country singer dabbles in aerospace factories in his spare time. But that’s a whole other tangent.) Neddy coming up with the idea to hire old people so she wouldn’t have to provide medical insurance. Neddy coming up with the idea to make the buildings out of shipping containers, then browbeating the supplier into selling the containers to her at a loss. Neddy bribing the safety inspector. I could go on. That story still makes my blood boil.
FC: Jeff should have manned up and defied his father’s puritanical views by erasing that oddly placed door and drawing a toilet.
@I speak Jive: Neddy blamed Godiva, as well she should. After all, Godiva was the factory’s… uh… celebrity endorser’s girlfriend? Well, let’s ask the man himself.
“Rocky also helped his wife Godiva open up a fashion empire/local factory to be run by 24-year-old Neddy. And now here is where we get into one of the two major ongoing plots of the strip. While this is Godiva’s clothing line, Neddy has been in charge of almost every facet of setting up and running a business that as of this writing has had no fashion show preview or pre-orders but is one night away from Opening Day. Another odd aspect of the factory is that it seems to emply almost exclusively senior citizens, which is commendable in one way but problematic if it were done for reasons such as “I pay them in Ludens.” The seniors are also busily sewing the garments inside container units stored inside the factory, resulting in something like the Tetris equivalent of the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory fire.”
(Note: Marciuliano’s understanding of his own stories is severely lacking, so his understanding of Woody Wilson’s stories should be taken with a dump truck of salt.)
So I guess it was actually technically Godiva’s fashion line, which makes her slightly more to blame than I thought. Given that she delegated pretty much all the set-up stuff (understandable, since what the hell would she know about where and how to actually build a factory?), it’s still hard to really blame her for this. (Nor do I follow how Godiva supposedly escaped all the blame by simply physically running away.) It really is mostly Hank’s fault, frankly. But Marciuliano either forgot or never realized that in the first place. He just really hated Godiva.
@jroggs: Hank was so broken up over all this that he (see today’s strip) shaved off his beard and had his hair marcelled and dyed blond. This also helped disguise him from the dozens of angry old people who fell in his hole. Hank was lucky to find such an artful hairdresser in the Alaskan outback.
(Having Neddy wear a see-through blouse to the press conference [see today’s strip, again] was Godiva’s idea)
Hagar the Horrible-With only those men for companionship Hagar is open to anything.
Blondie-Dithers is losing his touch Dagwood is still conscious.
FC-“Stop milking it and just shove his head under the water!”
MW: Gotta love how Libby’s laughing right in Wilbur’s face. “Sucks to be you, Fatso!”
CS: To help alleviate the bus driver shortage, Keesterman has volunteered to join the force, provided that his route takes him right past Crankshaft’s mailbox.
Speed Bump: This is actually pretty funny today!
BB: In case anyone’s wondering where Miss Buxley is on Buxley Wednesday, the subtext here is that the boys are going to give Cosmo an overnight sesh with her for his Bday present.
Don Abundio, translated:
“I’ve prepared the special dinner ordered by your doctor, Boss”
“The menu consists of carrot sticks, cottage cheese on a bed of lettuce, melba toast, canned tuna, beet juice, and an apple for dessert”
“I stopped at McDonald’s, Pierre”
“You can eat all that stuff yourself!”
In the Familiar Mucus gritty reboot Jeffy’s epic stupidity is traced back to Dolly cutting his skull open and literally washing his brain like Ida Know told her to do.
I’m choosing to assume the dancing “bears” inside are the Village People, and Hagar’s crew is SO missing out.
@Flipper:
FC: Jeff should have manned up and defied his father’s puritanical views by erasing that oddly placed door and drawing a toilet.
If you mean drawing Jeffy in a toilet, I’m all for it.
Hagar’s era dancing bears were the prelude to the Grateful Dead’s iconic meme.
Is the innuendo that Hagar lived as far back as the Stone Age, or just enjoyed rock music?
FC: Looking forward to the subsequent strips where Thel discovers that Dolly is right for once; even with the kids’ thick skulls, they can be MK-Ultra-ed with ordinary shampoo and water. Chaos will ensue.
FC: “Because he heard about shampoo and then rubbed Sam’s poo in his hair. Dumbass.”
DtM: Long ago, I bought a very cheap straw hat that looked kinda like Martha’s hat. But it ended up in the compost pile because it turned out to be so loosely woven that the sun got in my eyes, rendering the hat useless. If Martha spent enough money to have a hat that does what the hat is supposed to do, George, good for her. And the hat looks rather nice. You should wear a hat yourself when you’re outside, because otherwise your bald head is inviting melanoma.
MT: The story isn’t great, but that’s a fine wren way over to the left. Congrats, Sid, if Wren is your client.
JP: I see a very real possibility, because it would be such a remarkably stupid plot development, that Glen will come visit and either he’ll fall for Neddy or she’ll fall for him or maybe both. I’m telling you again, Sophie, it’s time for defenestration.
Are you ready for GAME NIGHT?
DT: Well, it’s not exactly like the Pierce job. Partly because this is an actual murder, while that one was a suicide, and Dick was investigating why he committed suicide. (It’s because he was being blackmailed, as Dick was directly told by his son and then spent ages slowly figuring out for himself). But mostly because in that one it took Dick a surprising amount of time to make any attempt at investigating the company that kept coming up as blatantly involved, and this time he’s made the connection straight away. I wish I could believe that means it’ll be over quicker.
FG: “Wait, I know this one … Midnight! Not a sound from the pavement! Has the moon lost her memory? She is smiling alone…”
GT: Even for Bajaras, introducing a new character by showing her on a second date with Lucas and then not even mentioning her name is a bolder choice than body horror date nights!
Phantom: This continues not to be how anything works.
AAGGGHHHH: These portable toilets are great… I’m going to miss you.
FC: The gum won’t come out with the gentile scrubbing from Thel. Time for the wire brush.
HtH: The dancing bears were enough of a hit in Russia they decided to try their luck in Paris. A band of grubby Vikings wasn’t exactly what they were expecting to attract.
MW: …and of course we have to see pouty-faced Wilbur…poor little guy…just can’t find love anywhere, can he…whatever could be the matter?
EEK!: As Warren Zevon would say, “AAOOOOOO!“
@57 nescio: That tracks.
@63 Sequitur: Is this an alternate dimension Marvin? The Six Chix Crappy Artwork dimension?
Mary Worth: Ha ha! The last furry pussy Wilbur’s seen is Libby.
FG: “On the prairie….the mighty prairie….the lions feast tonight….”
wimoweh wimoweh wimoweh
Family Circus – As someone with curly hair who has been subjected to tons of recent videos dedicated to cutting/styling/caring for curly hair, all I can think is that Thel has no idea what she is doing with that child, and he desperately needs some deep conditioning. But then I remember, he’s a ginger, so… whatever.
Today’s comment section is incredibly dead! No, there’s no joke, I’m mourning too!
@jroggs: (Note: Marciuliano’s understanding of his own stories is severely lacking, so his understanding of Woody Wilson’s stories should be taken with a dump truck of salt.)
Well, quite. It was Neddy’s business plan, it was Neddy’s idea to hire old people, and guess whose idea the shipping containers were? Heck, it was Neddy’s idea to rope Rocky Ledge into this, and Godiva only got involved after she and Rocky got back together nearly a year of real time later!
I think Godiva agreed to put her name on it, and she or her husband (even after going through the archives, I’m still not entirely clear on this point) was writing the cheques, and that was pretty much it. But Ces needed it to be Godiva’s business and Neddy to just be an unwitting patsy who cruelly had the blame dumped on her, so he simply declared that was the case.
MW: There it is! Sure, you’re not jealous, Wilbur…..sure. Pout, baby!
@68 Baja Gaijin:
Aaggghhhh es una visión absurdista de la condición humana y su relación con el mundo natural y no tanto.
Por Ham.
@74 Sequitur: Aye Chihuahua!
@76 Baja Gaijin:
Si.
DtM: This might have sort have worked, if you squint, and if the hat had been remotely comical on its own. And there you have Dennis the Menace in microcosm.
HtH: Why not go in and satisfy your curiosity, guys? You have nothing to lose but your entrails.
@Ettorre: Some of us are just too tired from celebrating all night.
9CL: Ah yes, the public beach. Always recognizable by the empty white space seen in its background.
C-Shaft: Not much to say about this one, except that I’m hoping this is only a one-week series of gags.
DT: Charles Ettinger foresaw an unseasonably balmy autumn lasting into November, so it’s good the Neo-Chicago detectives have a ceiling fan hanging from a drop ceiling tile in defiance of all known physics.
Dustin: Probably for the best. If they were offering a marketing director job through a temp agency to a guy with no experience, you’d almost certainly get set up as a fall guy for a long list of charges.
GA: Sure the girls are flying by the corona of the sun in an unshielded glass-top spacecraft, but an AI with no flesh on its body says they’ll be fine.
GT: Honestly it’s hard to imagine that a body horror movie would even register with the lumpy kids from Milford.
JP: Sophie has never been so grateful to get a text out of the blue in her life. It broke the flow of an extremely boring monologue. You just know Neddy was about to drone on about how cute she looked getting grilled by the press in a vintage rose colored sundress.
Luann: Okay, so Tiff is on the wrong side of her least popular dormmate, which somehow translates to being kicked out of the dorms, so now she’s going to fuck said dormmate’s dim jock boyfriend. Have I got that right?
MW: “I’d stay for grapes but they’re probably sour anyway.”
“What?”
“Nothing.”
Phantom: But of course it’s not on a lunar mission. It’s on a field trip to Southern Africa, but is too egregiously stupid to register that fact.
I hope you’re not saying that Wilbur prefers hardwood floors.
HtH: Lucky Eddie tries to desert Hagar’s team by claiming to be Miss Paris, the Miss Reingold of the day.
“I, Miss Paris,didn’t you see my calendar,was quite sexy!” the men, to their credit, weren’t fooled for long.
Luann: I guess if you’re going to take the blame for banging Kip, you might as well take the pleasure too. Besides, she wants to know if all that squealing and screaming was authentic or sham.
@Peanut Gallery:
Con mucho gusto tomaré su porción.
@White Rabbit: College quarterback sex. Reminds me of the Clark Gable comment from Carole Lombard (Missus Clark Gable): “Poppa is not so great in the sack.” The thing about men who can get all the pussy in the world is that they don’t try very hard to make the ladies happy.
My bet is that Kip finishes in three minutes, rolls off and takes a two-hour nap. Stef keeps making hot sex noises to impress her roommates, and to drown out the snoring. Tiff is going to fuck around and find out.
@81 Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Thinking of that is the furthest thing from my mind.
Zits Spanish to English.
@A Grave Mind: i like the way you think.
@Dennis Jimenez:
Congrats on getting this past moderation.
@89 Artist formerly known as Ben:
The secret was making it two words instead of one.
@pugfuggly: HtH: So….they’re like strippers, right? I mean, I don’t know if a bear can strip per se, but like burlesque/sexy dancing? That’s what’s going on here?
________________________________________
Grizzly Rose Lee.
Dolly: “Why are you brainwashing Jeffy?”
Thelma: “Because a birdie pooped on his head, Dolly. You were there, you saw it. You even ran inside to tell me.”
Dolly: “Yeah, but why would you wash it off? Leave it there! You know he deserves it!”
And Thelma’s hands stop, just for a moment, and nobody but her knows if she stopped because she was surprised, or seriously considering it.
@Craig!:
It was the famous Foo Bird!
@93 The Breathtaking Bonehead Brothers:
Ah, a great joke!
Luann: Why don’t you two girls quit bickering and kiss and make out? I mean make up! Sure, heh heh.