Also, the patient very much is uncrustable, so the whole premise is faulty
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Six Chix, 12/12/24
OK, I get the impulse to turn a bitten-out semicircle on this pastry-shrink into his mouth, but the execution is very uncanny. Like I don’t buy that it opens or closes like a regular mouth, it just seems like it’d be open forever, an endless scream, a wound bleeding purple. Not really the most reassuring thing you’d want to see during therapy, in my opinion! Anyway, I’d like to imagine that the genesis of this strip was the writer being told by a therapist “You are loveless but not unloveable!” and instead of applying this insight towards solving her various emotional problems she decided to draw a cartoon about talking Uncurstables® sandwiches instead.
Gil Thorp, 12/12/24
“The catch is made by … Milford?” really makes it sound like Marty Moon has never heard of an “interception” before. “Goshen threw it … but Milford caught it? Is that legal?” [desperately paging through the rulebook]
Shoe, 12/12/24
We all know, of course, that women be shopping. But what if I told you … that in the year 2024 … they be shopping … on the computer.
64 replies to “Also, the patient very much is uncrustable, so the whole premise is faulty”
Mary Worth Mashup: Fill in the two empty speech bubbles for best comic effect.
Touchback?! In the endzone?? Looks like someone’s not making it to the playdowns!
…I really have no idea what I’m talking about
@Baja Gaijin: “Please try my vegan salmon squares, made of crushed seaweed and fungus.” “Really, Mary?”
GT: Goshen’s quarterback is holding another serving tray. Maybe delivering some drinks for the team.
GT:
Reading the dialogue here reminds me of the experience of reading an instructional manual for ’70s Japanese-origin stereo equipment. It was English — but it wasn’t.
Curtis: Was Mom high when you met her?
Greg: Why do you think she stayed with me?
Six Chix: This patient is depressed because her husband left her for a Hot Pocket.
Gil Thorp: What if you wrote a comic strip that just serialized a high school football game, one play per day? Would that be more or less tedious than strips in which characters’ minor personal problems are resolved over the course of several months? (Solution, as always: Bring back Calvin & Hobbes!)
Shoe: Sure, but what about the bird who has to deliver her packages? Is he flying through the sky while carrying giant Amazon boxes? We demand answers, tree-dwellers!
RMMD: The officer looks very happy.
G. *(&$%! Thorp – I just love that the defense has a first down.
6Cx This is my favourite kind of Six Chix, where all the structure of a joke is present without humor itself, and it actually gets less funny the more you think about it. I mean, until the ultimate absurdity of this comic existing occurs to you and it gets funny again. Great stuff.
GT I don’t know what I like more, that the Milford player looks like he dropped a massive turd in the penultimate panel, or that the sound it’s seeming to make is ‘fwe-et’.
FC-Not the same cold he gave to Mommy? She was on Santa’s Very Naughty list.
MW-Mary is cooking for Dawn because all Wilbur left for Dawn was a bag of kibble and water.
GT:
Remember how the CIA was reputed to have tried to spike Fidel Castro’s drink with an LSD-like substance before he made a widely-broadcast speech, so as to embarrass and humiliate him during his delivery of it? — I wonder if Goshen did something similar with Marty Moon’s beverage.
Crankshat – There is also a reason no one has ever heard of Harry Dingle.
GT: While I cheerfully advocate for lifetime bans from football for the players who do this boneheaded stunt where they deliberately throw the ball away before crossing the goal line, it’s not actually a penalty. Nor does a ball rolling to the back of the endzone result in a touchback or draw a play-stopping whistle; it’s still a live ball unless it’s recovered and downed or it rolls out of the endzone. Nor does a touchback on a fumble after an interception result in a first down for the defense (Milford); the ball belongs to Goshen, who were and still will be on offense. Nice work, ref. Guess we know now who’s been buying up all the surplus alcohol in Milford now that Marty Moon’s gone sober.
Blondie: Not very gentlemanly of Dagwood to see his wife approaching with arms full of bags and not go to open the door for her, but considering she apparently fucks like an overweight 60-year-old man, maybe it’s more surprising if he hasn’t changed the locks as well.
DT: I’m mostly just waiting for the real plot to restart again so I can go back to complaining about the magical electric Nazis, but it looks like this rerun mystery is going to run at least one more week after this. It’s a Mike Curtis plot, so naturally it’s bloated with fanboy bullshit and is otherwise ridiculously horribly written to boot, but using the scratch pad clue is a low even for him, a cliché so embarrassingly overdone that even Slylock Fox only uses it three times a month.
FC: Just like that, Dolly becomes the first Keane family member to be Community Note’d. Damn. My money was on Jeffy.
CS: Harry Dinkle forced the children to learn and perform a musical piece that even he openly admits is terrible. This is presumably supposed to be funny somehow.
MW: The colorist is clearly taking the piss at this point, but can you blame them? With this writing and artwork, why shouldn’t the brown rice be forest green? It’s by far the least godawful aspect of today’s comic.
JP: We’re never going to properly hear Ann’s recounting of events, are we?
Six Chix:
“Doctor, you know how Jagger sang ‘I frowned at the crumbs of a crust of bre-ead’ in ‘Jumpin’ Jack Flash’? — well, I was that crust of bread….”
How is that pie “crustless”? IT HAS A CRUST! The crust is RIGHT THERE! Now, whether it has any sort of FILLING might be in dispute, but for cryin’ out loud, crustless it is not.
RMMD:
“Now, Mr. Orderly, with things stitched up like this, am I going to be able to brandish a knife menacingly in the manner to which I’ve grown accustomed?”
MW: “Wow, Mary, I did NOT know that brown rice is even more nutritious with a healthy coating of green mold! I learn so much from you!”
FC: Jeffy thinks; “Yep, I’ve heard Mommy talk about getting cold feet.”
MW: Did the colorist make a mistake, or does Moy believe that vegans can’t eat regular brown rice and use some sort of seaweed-based substitute?
When I was in hgh school, two of the rival teams in our division were Goshen and Milford. Not that it much mattered — our team sucked.
But… but you don’t have to type in “Add to cart.” You just click the button that says “Add to cart.” Is bird-lady up there shopping in a text-adventure game from 1987? Is she buying grues? the Coconut of Quendor? (I’d love to stick around to see if there’s an answer to these questions, but apparently I’m needed back at the old-folks’ home for whittling lessons.)
Gil Thorp: To be fair, nearly every play in American football ends with desperate paging through the rulebook. It’s just usually by the coaches and/or their lawyers, not the radio commentators.
9 Chickweed Lane: Credit where it’s due, “I’d like to f*** Rachmaninoff” is not a punchline you hear every day. On the other hand, there’s a reason for that.
MW: how many times will the word vegan be used over the next three months?
Six Chix – In the sandwich world, Uncrustables need so much therapy because they are soft, had their edge taken away, and can only get the attention of very immature people.
Gil Thorp – Marty Moon needs Goshen to win so he can get a crappy used car at half off.
Shoe – Josh might not appreciate the humor in this strip, but all across this fine nation many a 62 year-old or so office manager is chuckling lightly as they sip from their 1990s era Cathy “I Shop, Therefore I Am…Broke” novelty coffee mugs originally bought at a Spencer’s in the mall.
@els:
I am in a maze of twisty passages, all alike. One must imagine me happy.
JP:
“Hark, April! Is that carolers I hear in the background, intoning the songs of the season?”
“No, no. I think that it’s a group of comic strip denizens and the readership issuing an urgent entreaty to the author of the strip to please tone down a little of the gratuitous vituperativeness on more or less constant display (now we’ve got Ann and April yelling at one another), in the spirit of the season — but we have to listen to find out.”
****
Ces-mas, Ces-mas; crime is near
Time for noise, and time for drear
We’ve been good, but we can’t last
Hurry, Ces-mas; hurry, fast!
Want disdain for crueler groups —
Me, I want medulla whoops
We can hardly stand our fate
Please, Ces-mas, don’t berate!
Okay, mudges, get ready!
That was very good rhymin’!
Naturally!
Very good! — be a corps!
Ha ha ha
Uh, Calvin, you were a little flat
Watch it, Calvin. Calvin? Calvin?!?
Okay
Want disdain for cruel groups —
Me, I want medulla whoops
We can hardly stand our fate
Please, Ces-mas, don’t berate!
Very good, mudges!
Let’s sing it again
Yeah, let’s sing it again!
No, that’s enough; let’s not overdo it
What do you mean, “overdo it”? — we want to sing it again!
Now, wait a minute, mudges
Yeah, why can’t we sing it again?
Calvin, cut that out!
Be a corps — just a minute
Rhymin’ — cut that out! (Let’s sing it again)
Mudges!
We can hardly stand our fate
Please, Ces-mas, don’t berate!
JP: (merry laugh) “Turn yourself in? Oh heavens, no! I mean suicide.”
PROBLEMATIC THURSDAY
MW: The brown rice is green. I have no joke here. Because the brown rice is green.
GT: Dropping the ball can be a touchback/turnover if it goes out of the endzone after being dropped, or if it is recovered by the defense. It could also still be Milford football or even a Milford touchdown if a Milford player had the wherewithal to fall on it. What it could not be, is a penalty on Milford. That’s not a penalty. Exceptionally stupid play that essentially takes a touchdown off the board YES. But not a penalty.
The new Gil Thorp art leaves a lot to be desired but I can get used to it if it keeps depicting what appears to be a football player pooping out a football.
GT: Sheesh, a new low. The new artist can’t even draw a 2.
MW: “One thing about a vegan diet, Mary, it keeps you loose! Uh-oh, gotta run. NOW! Aaauuuggghhh, too late! Heh-heh, do you have any paper towels? And some disinfectant?”
RMMD: “Ha ha, you’re on Candid Camera! Assume the position.”
H&L: Aw, look at that. Dot took a pencil and paper and painstakingly copied her favorite QR codes.
Frazz: Actually, it doesn’t explain sports betting at all. All it does is show a strip that tries so hard to be clever but fails to the point that it’s just stupid.
@Baja Gaijin:
“Speaking of which, this crap isn’t really vegan.* I put in a bunch of pork rinds and bacon grease for flavor. Don’t expect me to go along with your narcissistic little cry for attention.”
“Bitch!”
* Latest fad.
GT — There are so many rudimentary errors in the depiction of this football game that I’m going to assume that the writer is trolling us, and I will no longer respond. He gets one more shot when basketball season rolls around, but if this continues Gil is dead to me.
As that well-known sportswriter Oscar Wilde put it:
To f*ck up one sport looks like misfortune, to f*ck up two looks like carelessness.
GT – “Penalty, Marty Moon. Excessive use of interrobangs.”
Don Abundio, translated:
“Let’s have a little fishing contest!”
“You’re on, Juan!”
“Double or nothing on yesterday’s golf wager!”
“Yeah? Sounds good to me!”
[Sign: SUPPLY FISH TO JUAN S. PERFIL FOR “BIG REWARD”]
6C: I am speechless, but not unspeachable.
GT: No one can complain about your inability to depict football action if you make it look like abstract art. Also, it looks like someone checked Wikipedia about the recent rule change about fumbling the ball through the end zone, but either Wikipedia or the reader didn’t get it quite right.
Shoe: I wonder if she bought shoes…
Uncurstables® is a keeper
MW: Previous comments have assured me that I’m not being color blind, so that’s nice in one sense. I’m better prepared for the bran muffins Mary is going to wheel out tomorrow.
FC: Jeffy is hoping for Bird Flu so he can turn into a turkey.
@1 Baja Gaijin: fill in the blanks…
Mary: “Did you know I have a valuable vagina?”
Dawn: “Your vagina is worthless, old lady, I tell ya, WORTHless!”
Luann: JFC, Bernice, no one wants to see Luann leaking!
CS: Dinkle really is the worst. He came in as a substitute and, rather than working on the usual holiday standards, decided to have the orchestra play a (let’s be charitable) challenging piece from Dinkle’s favorite composer. I think the industrial arts teacher would have been a far better choice.
9CL: Thankfully, we won’t see the panels where Edda fucks Rachmaninoff. Those are for Brooke only.
I refuse to learn the rules of American sports, so Gil Thorp’s sport strips are completely baffling to me. But from the comments, I see that I am not the only one getting baffled!
6C: This pastry is going to therapy because of his deep anxiety over whether there is an afterlife. Let’s face it, an heavenly reward after death for virtuous pastries? Pies in the sky!
6-C – Unflappable – not uncrapable….
GT – I thought the simulated football poop drop as a celebratory touchdown demonstration was banned years ago….
Shoe – Shit fer brains….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
@1 Baja Gaijin: fill in the blank #2…
Mary: “Do you know I keep Pepto Bismol® available for all my dinner guests?”
Dawn: “Yeah, right next to the stomach pump.”
Her favourite three words are “Add to cart” and not one word “1-Clik®” because the ability of Amazon to enforce its patent on this feature is still legally ambiguous
The Milford-Goshen football game, in which a fumble draws a penalty flag, is more inscrutable than an uncrustable pastry.
MW – The colorist obviously didn’t read the copy and thought that was supposed to be a big bowl of new, vegan, plant-based SPLAK!
Gil in the Saturday: “Well, team, we did not win and it’s a disappointment, no need to hide it! But we triggered Gerads’ PTSD and that’s all that matters!”
Blondie Spanish to English.
@jroggs, GT: Well…..
Milford intercepts, at least is the recovering team. Player does a Leon Lett, ball rolls into the endzone, and it is a touchback, possession with Goshen on their 20, first and ten.
It’s a change of possessions, and immortalized in Dumbass High School Plays, but not a penalty. nor a dead ball.
Pluggers: Well isn’t this cute. She kept his receipt! Sorry, it says “Defective goods – final sale.”
She’s actually checking the receipt for the *recliner* to see if they got the extra warranty covering stains and odors.
Gil Thorp: I totally buy that Marty Moon doesn’t actually know anything whatsoever about sports and just spouts random shit on the mic because it’s his job. “Oh my God, they did, uh, thing with the ball and the lines in the grass and, uh, yeah. Hey, has my paycheck come in yet?”
Shoe: You know someone is old and out-of-touch when they’re making “kids and their DAMN computers” jokes about characters who are middle aged at youngest.
“Wait’s there’s a flag!” As a proud anarchist, Marty Moon goes into panic whenever he sees any national flag expressing subordination of the individual to a higher authority. The only flag is the red-black flag!
@Baja Gaijin:
MARY: For dessert, I’ve made a vegan chocolate cake using mayonnaise—a new recipe I got from Wilbur!
DAWN: Don’t even speak his name. That man is DEAD to me.
You know, I’d say that “Six Chix” does a bad job with the art, because it looks like the therapist had a bite take out a chuck of his body so that you can see his gooey insides. On the other hand, the patient has a look of shock and despair as if he saw his therapist having a bite take out a chuck of his body so that you could see his gooey insides, so kudos
Next time Gil will put more efforts into working the refs, i.e. having his ex-felon players threaten their kneecaps
Notably, Roz said her “three favourite words”, not her favourite sentence, so you could rearrange the three word to produce a sentence with a completely new meaning! Like… like… mmmmmm… “cart to add”? “add cart to”? I should have thought more about this!
I am genuinely sick that today’s Six Chik got, presumably, paid for this.
“Yeah, I don’t know. Being a UPS driver has gotten weird lately. I keep getting summoned to this one tree in the park and told to leave the packages in the crook of one of the branches. Then I turn around, and there’s this terrible squack, halfway between laughter and shrieking, and when I look again the package is gone. I’m thinking of switching over to Doordash.”
love is… taking a dump on a stump and thinking of her.
S4th: I’m rather enjoying the Town Trapped in the Hallmark Channel.
6Chix: I didn’t realize Uncrustables were a thing. It looks like the colorist didn’t, either, coloring them like a pie crust instead of crimped Wonder Bread. I can see why kids would like these, but how will they get curly hair if they never eat any crust?!
GT: The lovely architectural renderings Rachel introduced into this strip have already evaporated, with her detailed backgrounds becoming nothing but black voids. She seems to be phoning it in now—literally—scratching out these drawing on her iPhone while possibly on a roller coaster or horseback.
Shoe: I hope Roz is ordering a new laptop, because that one is shrinking fast.
@Professor Well Actually: Vegan vegan vegan vegan vegan vegan vegan vegan vegan vegan.