Lotta carnivore action today
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Suburban Fairy Tales, 12/9/24
I was going to give you the deep lore behind today’s strip but I think it’s pretty obvious from context, right? Third little pig and lady wolf are in an unconventional species-crossing relationship, pig’s mom doesn’t approve, yadda yadda yadda, you get it. It’s an allegorical tale about the dangers of prejudice, except the she-wolf is clearly contemplating killing and eating the mom pig in the panel three, so honestly maybe it’s an allegorical tale about the dangers of not being prejudiced enough.
Rhymes With Orange, 12/9/24
Snakes are obligate carnivores and any snake of that size is going to primarily eat mice, so I’m really curious about the legal situation here. Is the snake on trial for murder? Surely a member of any species that exclusively eats mice would, in a civilization where mice have legal rights, immediately become an outlaw and face extermination, right? On the other hand, maybe this is a legal system like the ancient Norse one, where harms are weighed and fines assessed based on the varying social positions of the interested parties. In such a case, it makes sense to have a judge from a completely different phylum from either of the parties to the case, and they should be willing to put up with a bit of delay in return for his objectivity.
Hi and Lois, 12/9/24
Yes, by saying that he wanted to watch something other than what his mother and sister were watching, Ditto hoped his mother would give him permission to go to his parents’ bedroom, so he could watch the thing he wanted to watch. I know I can’t shut up about the new post-punchline Hi and Lois being good, but I do feel like I need a little more to work with than this.
123 replies to “Lotta carnivore action today”
RMMD-If Rex is operating shouldn’t you take her to the mortuary?
Suburban Fairy Tales-“I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your father.”
MW-“Mrs. Worth, you’re trying to seduce me.”
FC-Hungover again, Thel?
Fifty years ago Democrats were in disarray at a party conference as labor threatened to drop support for the party mini-convention. Meanwhile, Beetle Bailey prepared for a sit-down strike while on KP duty and faculty members discussed possible romantic plans for a conference.
Rhymes with Orange:
“I think we should all pitch in and get the judge a Nissan Sentra, and then exhort him to head to the bench in it speedily!”
“Really? What should we say to him?”
” ‘S Car — go!’ “
It would be interesting if, “Twilight Zone” style, the Suburban Fairy Tales viewer was led to believe that the pig mom was being prejudiced against wolves, but in a shocking twist that upended our expectations, it turned out she was just against inter-height relationships. “Why, that nice carnivore is more than twice the height of our darling Number Three,” she would sob later.
Well, it would interest me more than the actual storyline, anyway.
Dating a predatory wolf furry with huge boobs and a miniskirt is only the second most perverse part of SFT. The winner by a long shot is Third Pig’s horrible vest, running shorts and leather gloves combo.
Hi and Lois:
“Gosh, the mattress here is really firm! — that’s probably because Dad never sleeps on it.”
Rhymes with Orange:
“Look how slowly he’s moving! — I’d like to ‘slug‘ him!”
The only way “Hi & Lois” makes sense is if Ditto did not actually want to watch the game but something his mother would forbid, like something extremely violent or porn. Let’s hope it’s something extremely violent, because watching porn on your parents’ bed…
Suburban: I’m a little surprised that Josh didn’t take the opportunity to riff on the anatomical challenges posed by this cross-species relationship, namely the pig’s corkscrew penis.
RMMD: “He’s been taken to surgery, Ma’am. Dr Rex “Butterfingers” Morgan is operating. Uh, just kidding.”
Pig 3’s mother is not prejudiced against wolves, because that’s not a she-wolf. She’s prejudiced against cross-dressing furries
The Minnesota Gophers go to the Mayo Bowl January 3 in Charlotte.
Will Wilbur be back from Cancun in time to be grand marshal of the Mayo Parade?
SFT Suburban Fairy Tales breaking New ground on the comics page, like ‘what if The Three Little Pigs but also Racism?’
RwO Jesus, lizard, did you not check who your judge woild be prior to showing up to court? Snakey might want to look into alternate representation.
H&L Isn’t it funny how there’s a limited amount of screens in a modern multi-person household, all fixed in specific rooms? I really look forward to someday solving this problem.
I hope that the snail judge speaks very slowly too. Like the DMV Sloths in Zootopia.
FC: Billy has to deliver the punchline because no one would believe Jeffy can do math, tell time, dress himself.
@Ettorre: So a comic dealing with racism, and promoting trans agenda?
This comic would be so beyond woke, that it’ll wake up Cthulhu and rain his horrors down upon us.
Thanks Suburban Fairy Tales…
MW: A treasured family artifact, Dawn’s backpack has been handed down through generations of Westons, from Wilbur’s grandfather who first owned it in the 1920s, to his own father who sported it in the late ‘40s, through Wilbur’s own schooldays, and now to Dawn. Luckily, because none of the Westons ever actually used it to carry academic materials of any kind, it remains as pristine as the day it was bought.
SFT – Umm…a three little pigs riff, huh. So…what attracts an innocent little pig and to a big bad wolf? Well…I guess she blows and she blows and she blows….
RwO – It’s a realistic portrayal of the US justice system – the judge leaves a slime trail and everything….
H&L – Ah…the rewards of being a whiny little shit. An important life lesson, for sure….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
RwO: Pretty sure the snake would gladly eat everyone pictured, so I hope there are some mongoose bailiffs standing close by.
MW: “Walking back from campus, Dawn? Why didn’t the BMOC give you a ride in his flivver? 23-Skidoo!”
GT: I’m the first to admit that I’m not a football expert, but, WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?
BB: I’m sure that little Chain of Command thing was explained early on, but to be fair, Beetle HAS been serving for 74 years and his memory ain’t what it used to be.
Suburban Fairy Tales turned into Kevin and Kell so fast.
@Giant Pondering Otter: Gil Thorp already does acceptance of trans and non-binary people, but it has not provoked enthusiastic support or frothed indignation. Unfortunately, not even hot topics are enough to make comics relevant
SFT: The pig’s Mom is a huge bitch even though the lady wolf is literally one.
I looked up the Suburban Fairy Tales official characters page.
It said this about the mother pig.
“The three pigs’ mother is mean, nasty and is to be avoided at all costs. She never has anything nice to say, is cranky, grouchy and very intolerable.”
So, it’s maybe not exactly that she’s racist, she’s just a angry bitch…
(Also side note: the father is named Dermot because it’s a pun on Doormat)
Only the snail is wearing any clothes so I don’t think this trial is taking place in the contemporary Shylockverse and could well be a historical tale from early on after the Great Overthrow. I’d like to see more of this trial to see if the animals have yet developed their strict adherence to evidence-based justice that keeps petty criminals on the street thanks to detectives who make arrests on the flimsiest of conjectures.
MW: The two months Wilbur is ‘traveling’ will give Dawn plenty of time to work on her alibi when his body is found weighted down in the Charterstone pond.
SFT: Nothing says “suburban” like hardwood floors, disliking your neighbors, and dragging corpses around the house.
JP: Ann cannot ever forgive Randy for failing to properly greet her a few minutes ago. Never mind that she’s abandoned him for 21 years, never mind that she barely so much as glanced at him when she showed up last year, and never mind that learning about her hiding in Alan’s basement puts him in a miserable conundrum of ethics and duty versus family loyalty; Randy was very slightly and briefly rude to her a moment ago, and he can burn in hell for eternity for it. Unfortunately for Ann, the person behind the door isn’t Randy but instead the only human on the planet with an even bigger chip on her shoulder than Ann herself. And in the midst of all this, Little Charlotte has seemingly fallen through a plot hole after Mashed Potato Time, very possibly never to be seen ever again. A harsh end indeed, but such is the fate of redheaded children in Judge Parker.
RMMD: Merle Lewton is undergoing emergency surgery for his life-threatening wound. So naturally, the action of this medical drama is focused on his wife Lana checking in at the visitor desk.
CS: You know what could have been interesting? If perhaps this story had been about a high school senior stepping up to manage the band, in a bit over their head but determined to make it work despite the numerous challenges. You know what would have definitely been better? Literally anything other than multiple weeks of Harry Dinkle being Harry Dinkle.
Luann: It’s not enough for twenty-year-old Luann to be giving chore IOUs as Christmas gifts like she’s a goddamned first grader despite having a job and no basic living expenses. Now her childish non-presents come with medical donation prerequisites, too, so that Luann can claim credit for those as well. This is supposed to be righteously generous and commendable rather than embarrassingly infantile, by the way.
Luann: More Eggo waffles, you frigid, passive aggressive b#)@h? They’re unthawed because Mommy says I’m not allowed to use the toaster anymore after the fire department had to come that one time!
MW: If this were any other comic, I’d be cueing up the ‘bow-chicka-wow-wow’ music…
JP: ‘Who the hell are you and why do we need to talk?’
RWO: So it takes Judge Snail a week to walk to the Hall of Justice? He can guard the base along with a few other of the more useless Super Friends like Wendy, Marving, Wonder Dog, the Wonder Twins and their stupid monkey, El Dorado, and Apache Chief.
I don’t think Judge Snail would be able to resist external pressure and remain impartial. He’s spineless
Hi and Lois: [Smash cut to Hi and Thirsty at the bar] “I was hoping she’d say that!”
@Giant Pondering Otter: @Ettorre: Eh, the big guy can’t be arsed. He’s dead, and dreaming. Source: check my user name.
Porno.
The thing Ditto wanted to watch, and is now watching, is porno.
Awarding Rhymes with Orange the “Worst Throwaway Panel” award. Yes, the snail is slow! Thank you for spelling that out for anyone who didn’t realize that the joke hinges on snails being slow!
I feel someone should explain why Papa Pig is lying on the floor.
And why he has a walrus moustache.
(Scoffing) that house doesn’t appear to be made of bricks at all.
I can’t wait for the wolf and pig to have children.
We can call them Wiglets!
RWO: Yeah, having a snail as a judge means that the trial will be slow to get started. It also means that the trial will be unruly, since the judge won’t be able to bang his gavel. It really doesn’t matter, though, because if this snake defendant is found guilty then even before sentence is pronounced he will immediately escape and go underground. They’ll never slap the cuffs on him!
Suburban Fairy Tales: Honestly? The best part of this is poor Dermot: “Eh, it’s my fate to be dragged off by my diminutive wife so she can get to her guest spot on ‘Coffee Talk with Linda Richman.’ The alte kacker has to go along with the Balabusta, you know. Wait, can pigs even be Jewish?”
@seismic-2: I’ve seen so many courtroom escapes, so many stupid, stupid courtroom escapes.
This one is justified though as there are very few ways to restrain a snake, unless they tie him into a knot around something.
Mama Pig is giving me heavy Rachel Rabbit vibes on the Karen scale.
@Giant Pondering Otter: Or put the snake in a cage after the trial is over, but really, it would be more efficient to keep him in a cage during the trial.
I think Ditto just wants to check out the “Playboys” that Hi has stashed between the mattresses.
So this is an episode of “Law & Slylock: SFT” Bump Ba.. THIRD PIG HOME, 9:03 AM
Needs more Jerry Orbach.But then, what doesn’t? R.I.P. Mr. Orbach!
@Liam: Suburban Fairy Tales-“I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your father.”
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Perfect!
Suburban Fairy Tales – This strip feels wants to be Shrek, but the character description for Dermot reveals it’s actually dreck: Dermot is a “doormat.” He’s engaged to the Pigs’ mother and lets her walk all over him. He has no backbone and is very fearful of wolves.
Rhymes with Orange – “Your honor, like my client’s last layer of skin, he’s shed his old ways and asks for mercy from the court.”
Hi and Lois – There was a time when this would have been the set up to a storyline about the dangers of leaving your kids alone in front of the TV, especially with the amount of sports betting ads targeting young males. But with the media industry consolidated, but culture fractured, sports and the betting that goes along with it are one of the few things keeping the industry together. Hi and Lois‘s syndicate is owned by Hearst, which owns a stake in ESPN, and thus has an interest in ESPN Bet. Luckily children don’t read newspaper comics, and the syndicate hasn’t figured out how to use TikTok to reach them.
When Josh first riffed on Suburban Fairy Tales, he pointed out that the 3 on the Pig’s shirt looked like an outie belly button. I STILL cannot unsee it.
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: Hi and Lois: [Smash cut to Hi and Thirsty at the bar] “I was hoping she’d say that!”
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Hey, an actual punchline! You’re hired.
@GarrisonSkunk: Some crimes are too gruesome for a “comic for kids”, these crimes are handled by the men and women of the SFT unit.
(Answer printed upside down : Slylock noted the fang marks in Mrs. Pig matched the bite pattern of Mrs. B.B. Wolf.)
MW: Dawn actually looks psyched for the alone time, or at least as much as anyone in this strip can look psyched. Mary is definitely having none of that…
Low & Hi-less: Ditto wanted to get in his mothers bed: Filthiest thing since Daisy snuggled up to Blondie in the Dagwood-free bed years ago or punchline-less comic? You make the call!
RWO – The mouse has the briefcase next to him, so it’s the attorney, not the prosecuting party. What we have here is a salamander representing a snake, and a mouse representing a bird.
@Lord Flatulence: Perfect!
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Agreed! I second the nomination for COTW!
@astroboy: RWO – The mouse has the briefcase next to him,
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If there’s a cookie in that briefcase, Slylick has all the “evidence” he needs to charge the mouse with trespassing under Ditto Flagston’s bed! “I love it when the comics come together!”- Hannibal Smith (adapted).
With one day’s strip, Rhymes With Orange just officially became more of a courtroom drama than the entire last eight years of Judge Parker storylines.
@LTJpezcore1: MW: Dawn actually looks psyched for the alone time,
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Takeaway : (printed upside down) Life is brutal, Wilburp Weston is brutal-lier.
@Tom T.: Or the thirty-minute orgasms, which is probably cool for the pig but I gotta think the wolf would eventually get bored and start checking her phone or something.
@Lord Flatulence: Or fired, based on how the strip is going.
SFT: I get that the mom is supposed to be in the wrong here, what with her being an evil harridan with a henpecked husband and all, but if someone destroyed my kids’ homes and tried to eat them and then later one of them started dating his cousin, I’d have my reservations too.
RT: Would there be much blowback if you stopped making terrible jokes?@Ettorre: Maybe he’s watching his parent’s “home movies” on their bed.
FG: Thun put on a shirt for the Lion/Shark peace conference; Kala got naked.
WHO WILL WIN
RwO: Of course everything changes if that’s a mongoose and not a mouse. This could be a bar fight or even an assault case.
MW tomorrow: “Mary what’s with then dim lighting and the candles? Wait, are those fava beans next to the Chianti?”
Don Abundio, translated:
“Don Abundio… Am I dreaming?”
“No, we’re in a dream of Marsha, my goldfish”
“About a Krazy Straw that defies gravity”
SFT – This Dale Earnhardt fandom thing is spreading fast. Gearhead Gertie must be stopped!
Hi and Lois – Ditto, like all right-thinking people, despises mime.
@GarrisonSkunk: If you give a mouse a cookie…
yBF: Yeah, definitely don’t need to see Blonde Friend in the sexy can-can dress in the header EVER AGAIN.
BF in real time: Get ready for a week of Blonde Friend moaning about being too old and fat, tits sagging, addicted to sugar and wine and caffeine and French fries, varicose veins, bunions, aches and pains, swollen ankles….come to think of it, we don’t ever need to see her wearing sexy skyscraper heels again, either.
C’shaft: This strip demonstrates where Batiuk went wrong with Harry Dinkle. When he was in uniform it was easy to read him as a blustering caricature of weirdly militaristic band teachers (they exist, I had one in high school), and his behavior made sense in that context. In civvies he becomes an angry, egotistical old man who gets his kicks from insulting teenagers. Which is probably a more accurate portrait of weirdly militaristic band teachers, but not a very entertaining or amusing one.
Dustin: Ah yes, overpromising and underdelivering, truly the way to ensure customer loyalty and repeat business!
GT: Gil’s strategy is to trigger the opposing coach’s crippling PTSD.
JP: What does Randy have to apologize for? “Sorry I pointed out that harboring you puts us all at risk for imprisonment”?
Luann: Nancy: Honey, I would love to but I can’t. I’m ineligible thanks to the year I studied abroad in London back in ’83.
Bernice: I have chronic anemia which prevents me from donating.
Frank: I, uh, had an encounter with a male prostitute in Singapore…
MT: Maybe one of these days Cherry can go off on assignment and Mark can stay home and deal with the local HOA.
MW: “As a matter of fact I do! Those plans are ‘not being pinned down by you for three hours!”
Phantom: I would be a little bit worried if all the people I’d fought and permanently branded started getting together to talk about their experiences.
Hi and Lois: Apparently Hi and Lois spend most of their alone time propped up on huge pillows, watching a TV placed prominently at the foot of their bed. Which is probably a good thing — considering the decade-and-a-half age range of their children, it’s not like they put a lot of thought into family planning during the rare nights when they turn off “Kimmel.”
Suburban Fairy Tales: I see this comic is trying to squeeze in on Slylock Fox’s monopoly of animal-themed urban crime drama by trying to tackle the subject of racism. Key word being “trying”.
@Nobody: Well, you managed to make it even creepier, I’ll hand you that!
RMMD: if I cared I would sympathize with Mrs Merle. Her husband is undergoing surgery after being stabbed by a met head and her dog might get put down for defending her husband from the meth head.
@12 Scratchy Scrotum LXIX:
Wilbur has a lot of influence in the mayo world. They’ll probably move the game to wherever he is..
@Ukulele Ike: y154: The Monkey Island we remember has been long demolished and replaced by a new one, this time populated by colobus monkeys rather than the original rhesus. The rhesus were donated by the Halle family of department store fame. Remember when the zoo sold bags of treats to throw to the monkeys? One of my cousins once threw a whole bag of marshmallows across the moat and set off a bench-clearing monkey free for all.
Back in the winter of ’78 or ’79 one of the Columbus Zoo’s Japanese snow monkeys escaped and ended up about 130 miles away in Elyria before he was captured.
The Family Circus Spanish to English.
CS:. After listening to his band repeatedly rehearse, we can figure out the real director’s “emergency illness”. He was sick of the cacophony and scared s-less of the reaction of parents.
Basic Instructions: Are they talking about the Mallory Expedition up the north face of Everest? Didn’t they find those corpses in….1999?
Good story, sure, but 25 years old. Also, they found the whole body, snow goggles in the pocket and everything. And the photo of his wife was missing, meaning they must have made it to the summit where he was planning to leave it.
Missus George Mallory was Quite the Babe. Not surprised he carried a pic to “sustain himself” on all those cold dark nights.
@TheDiva: Phantom: I would be a little bit worried if all the people I’d fought and permanently branded started getting together to talk about their experiences.
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And plot revenge!
@Hibbleton: RMMD: “He’s been taken to surgery, Ma’am. Dr Rex “Butterfingers” Morgan is operating. Uh, just kidding.”
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Or Rex “He’s Dead, Jim” Morgan.
@Bob Tice: #3
Ha! You “s-nailed it!”
@Professor Well Actually: RMMD: if I cared I would sympathize with Mrs Merle. Her husband is undergoing surgery after being stabbed by a met head and her dog might get put down for defending her husband from the meth head.
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The thug is a Mets fan? He IS a bad guy!
Slylick Fox And Comix For Kinx: Forget the boat kafluffle, A better question: Is Pelican’t Pete jealous of the bird that can still fly? Please discuss and show your work.
@Ukulele Ike: No, they found the foot of Mallory’s companion just recently, so this is timely. It’s even more exciting since there’s hope of finding his camera, which could establish if they were the really the first to the top.
@GarrisonSkunk: #50
“ Filthiest thing since Daisy snuggled up to Blondie in the Dagwood-free bed years ago”
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I DID WHAT????
Hagar the Horrible: Hagar is 100% going to burn in hell for his many violent crimes.
Beetle Bailey: Sarge seems to be getting bored with their BDSM relationship. Look at his ennui as he holds up his fist.
Dennis the Menace: Dennis wants his mom to know unequivocally he’s going to become an alcoholic.
@GarrisonSkunk:
That other bird is a nudist kleptomaniac with no regard for any laws. He’s literally a menace to society.
RwO: Kudos to our excellent Multi-Species ensemble for this well-done courtroom drama! Or maybe it’s a dramedy, with the lumbering Judge Snail in a comically stereotypical role. The backstory and case details were wisely left the imagination, guaranteeing that the audience will become involved and fill in the story themselves! It’s great to finally see a gripping legal-based comic here…. certainly there’s no other must-read comic involving lawyers and judges. That’s why we’re pitching this as a series! I think it could have legs, with the exception of the Snake and Judge Snail, of course.
Slylock Fox: This Pelican appears to have hands so I think it’s rather unfair to expect anyone to figure out the arbitrary and inconsistent rules for this universe and that the absence of oarlocks is suspicious and not simply because the artist didn’t care to draw them.
SFT: I’m with mama pig on this one. In the pre-Golden-Books original story, that wolf ate pigs 1 & 2.
CS: As annoying as this Dinkle-saves-the-day story is, Batty deserves some credit for not attempting to write dialog for current high school kids.
RwO: @Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!: If this is potentially greenlit for a series, may I assume they cut the scene where expert witness Slylock Fox comes in and instinctively eats everybody?
FC: It’s impressive that Billy wears an analog watch and can do quick time calculations with it. It’s unimpressive that his arm is so long that his knuckles would drag on the ground if he straightened it. (@I speak Jive is on hiatus for a bit, so I’ve made this comment about the freakish anatomy of this strip in their honor.)
BETTY:. Afraid this is unwarranted man bashing. Forty years ago without any trng (shop and carpentry were limited to guys), I got a little design book from hardware store and built a bookcase and fireside bench. I still love and use both today! To be sure, I had z terrific lumberyard help me cut but otherwise even I, a complete neophyte, built something worth while.
Aside from curved top, a nightstand shouldn’t be much harder. Bubba just needs a little pattern book and friends at lumberyard.
CURTIS:. Yes, we were taught lots of lies. And we were also taught critical thinking and research skills. Stories like tooth fairy’s, Newton’s and Columbus’s and beginning of civilization are just that– stories, parables, to simplify things for simple minds. We are expected to use critical thinking and research as teens and adults.
GA:. That doll is right, but she also has a smart mouth. She needs to learn how to work as a team.
JUMP START:. Maybe these two will learn to work together as a team to promote each other as Mom of the Year.
RMMD:. Why is that aide shouting at poor Lana?
S4th:. There will be hell to pay for this.
MW: “Just me, myself, and I…” And WILLA? You folks see what’s happening here – The Ladies are insinuating that superstar Willa G. Fish is no longer there!! This is all a negotiation tactic to force us to sign an unfavorable (to Willa) contract. Rest assured that Willa is okay and is weighing her multiple career options.
RMMD: Meanwhile, Buster is bravely facing danger and an uncertain future in the Dog Pound! Of course they will never show it – we’re left with exciting two-legger surgical waiting room scenes! Will they have any recent magazines?
@Ukulele Ike: Woo-hoo! QtB indeed.
MW: Dawn is happily looking forward to having the condo to herself so she can use her vibrator wherever she wants and won’t have to use it silently. If Mary stops by with a surprise plate of muffins and listens at the door, she’ll get an earful.
Crank: Don’t let anyone tell you this strip is ageist because all the old people in it are terrible! Batty has always made it very clear that being old doesn’t make you terrible; they were always like that!
DT: Yesterday, Dick called Faketop “Dr Mabuse — if that is your real name.” Today he’s Dr Marx, so I guess it wasn’t, and he was pretending to be a villain under pretending to be a villain. That feels like the sort of thing that should be established on panel when you’re supposed to be writing a sodding whodunnit, rather than just leave the reader to guess what our detective’s been told.
Anyway, we now have a Marx to go with Chaplin, Fine, Howard and DeRita (and Eugene Roche, which is apparently the full name of a character actor best know for cleaning product adverts). My suspect is Dr Hall because a) his name doesn’t seem to fit the theme and b) he’s still doing Doubleup’s stupid verbal tick, which suggests he may be a little too into it, even for these guys.
(And yes, I know I must have seen this the first time round, but I’m delighted to say my brain, which normally remembers far too much about terrible comic strip storylines, hasn’t retained a thing.)
FG: I love that the Shark Men’s sub has an onimous dorsal fin. The Lion Men, who travel in fairly generic looking fliers and ground vehicles, could learn something about branding from them.
MW: All that build-up we spent bitching about another Wilbur story, and I can’t believe we didn’t see this coming! Of course we’re going to be getting Dawn Has Nothing Better To Do Than Dinner With Mary while Wilbur has potentially mildly interesting adventures in Cancun! Just like we got Wilbur’s Fish Died And He’s Sad while Dawn was having some kind of never elaborated upon family drama in Connecticut! However disappointing you expect to find Mary Worth, Moy can always up the ante!
Phantom: And the Ghost Who Has Punched So Many People, Seriously, Who Can Keep Track? doesn’t recognise any of them!
Dennis the Menace Spanish to English.
Hi: Ditto has recently shown himself to be a solitary cookie eater; now he’s a solitary sports watcher. Just completely isolating himself from his family. Isn’t he a little young to be going through puberty? “They’re not cookie crumbs! It’s my new moustache, stupid!”
MW: “Mary, if you’re inviting me to dinner, oh hell yes! Often, I hope. I have no idea how to cook. Last time Dad left, I spent the tuition money he gave me on fast food instead!”
Blondie: “Do what I do, Dag. Just give her a pair of see-through silk panties, a garter belt, and some fishnet stockings. It’s really a gift for both of you. You probably shouldn’t have her open it in front of the kids, though.”
Yaffle: The elf is gonna end up sticking that plug up the reindeer’s ass and the reindeer knows it.
RMMD: “Your husband has been taken to surgery, ma’am. Dr. Morgan is operating. Luckily, he was on lunch break between his heart transplant patient this morning and separating conjoined twins in the afternoon.”
RMMD: ”Let me get this straight. My husband was cut with a knife and “Doctor” Morgan thinks the best way to cure him is to….cut him with another knife?”
@100 Ukulele Ike:
The knife was Dr. Gillespie’s idea. Dr. Morgan was planning to cut him with a fart.
So, this is going to end like Romeo and Juliet, except that instead of taking poison Romeo willingly bares his porcine neck to Juliet’s fangs?
@TheDiva: re Phantom; All? I’d be worried about the 5% that got out of prison/the jungle and made their way to a London bar.
FC: HTT Grandma is thinking, “Hmph. I remember days where I was sick as a dog but I was still able to tend to my children and have food on the table. But go ahead, Thel. You do you.”
@TheDiva: I’m not even kidding, Barajas is turning Gil Thorp into villain.
Phantom: If that becomes trendy thanks to a television show, I wonder how many London tattoo parlors are going to be kept busy putting forged skullmarks on peoples faces? And how will Stripey tell the difference between his and the fakes?
Curtis has apparently been reading “The DaVinci Code” by Dan Brown. I still have no idea why that book was ever popular. Even the movie with Tom Hanks wasn’t very good.
@TheDiva: RE Crank: I’m fairly convinced now that despite having had Harry Dinkle as a character for decades, Batiuk doesn’t know much about concert bands, especially considering that yesterday, he thought there would be a violin section.
That Hi & Lois would have made vastly more sense if Ditto were wanking in the last panel.
@108 Majicou:
My wife said her high school concert band had a string section and she played piano in it.
@Anonymous:
#107. Trying to recall the “DaVinci Code”, I think it was shocking at the time to us Protestants who were taught the entire Bible emerged complete from word of God. Book made us think that, yeah, even if the parts ARE from God, they were selected and edited by a group of Catholic men who had their own biases.
Anyone with differing memories?
@Sequitur: There’s definitely concert band literature out there with piano parts. You see contrabass a lot, sometimes a harp, sometimes electric guitar/bass. Violins or violas, though, I haven’t ever encountered in what I’ve played, listened to, or read.
There must be high schools out there with full orchestras, but you wouldn’t really call that a concert band. What I had in middle and high school was the wind/percussion band(s) and then the strings-only ensemble, just called “orchestra.”
@Anonymous:
The main riddle at the center of “The DaVinci Code” was about Sir Isaac Newton and the Apple Tree. It was not profound in any way.
@Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol: Yeah, I get the feeling that the whole thing is a carefully planned revenge plot the Secret Skull-Mark Society has been planning for years.
There is a very obscure Muppets video (by which I mean it was only released on VHS in the 90’s and never got another release ever again)
Called “Muppet Classic Theater” with the Muppets playing roles in various fairy tales.
One was The Three Little Pigs, with Miss Piggy as “Sandy Pig” (i.e the smart one) and her two incredibly sexist (and idiotic) brothers Andy and Randy Pig. Who didn’t think she could build a proper house because “Gurls are sooo stoopid!”
It had good moments, probably one of my favourite lines, was
Wolf (standing outside of the front door): Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!
Miss Piggy: No!
Wolf: You’re supposed to say “Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin!”
Miss Piggy: Are you suggesting that I have facial hair!!? (Opens the door and karate kicks him in the face)
@Chance:It would be interesting if, “Twilight Zone” style, the Suburban Fairy Tales viewer was led to believe
___________________
The Pig doctors would just unwrap Miss Wolf’s bandages and say,”No change!” “Exactly the same! ” “Could we get some decent light in here!?!”
Dirk Twacy Hollistic Defective: I didn’t know Jerry Lewis was a Tracy villian.
@Giant Pondering Otter: Was Dr Strangepork in this production?
@GarrisonSkunk: Sadly no, as far as I know of. Andy and Randy were original muppets created for this (and later returned for Muppets tonight) and their father, I can barely remember what he looked like. But I’m certain he was a new pig muppet too.
@Chance: Pig Family: Wow, this corn is delicious! And we have an infinite amount of it! Pissing off that wolf with the God-like powers was the best thing we ever did.
Baja! I don’t know if you need or want it but here it is.
DT: “Roche and I often disagreed, Detective Tracy. He consistently declared that Cocoa Puffs are the most delicious breakfast cereal, completely disregarding the clear superiority of Captain Crunch With Crunchberries. I….I wanted to KILL HIM WITH MY BARE HANDS.”
@Guillermo el chiclero: Are you saying you DON’T have a skullmark tattooed on your face? What kind of a Phantom Phan are you, anyway? If you are this irresolute regarding your fealty to, say, Blondie,* I shall be very very disappointed in you indeed.
*Are you saying you DON’T get your hair cut like Dagwood’s???????
@Giant Pondering Otter:
I know there’s been multiple transfers of Muppet Classic Theater that have been uploaded to YouTube. I believe that the big bad wolf puppet was created for this project and the Elvis Elves. Papa Pig as far as I know was never in anything else but Andy and Randy occasionally get used. Now that Steve Whitmire has left The Muppets as well as Kevin Clash and other performers it seems like a lot of these characters are also being permanently retired