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Phantom, 9/13/24

The AI-powered Avarice bot learns from the creatures around it and imitates their behavior! It won’t be long before it’s hoarding priceless relics, lording it over the natives, and acting like a dick to the Jungle Patrol!

Zits, 9/13/24

Jeremy achieves Singularity with a polite, considerate, relatable AI version of himself. But I call shenanigans: there’s no way the AI learned those behaviors by training on the Internet.

Rhymes with Orange, 9/13/24

Oh c’mon everybody knows commercials are for looking at your phone.

Gil Thorp, 9/13/24

My only connection to football is a vestigial fondness for the Green Bay Packers from the dairyland of my birth. But in the words of our compatriots over at This Week in Milford, what the hell is going on here? Green Team’s QB is passing left but Milford’s defenseman intercepts it on the right. Did our point of view cross the line in panel two? And where’s the runback? Anybody looking to disprove the General Relativity theory of space-time should fire a couple electrons into Gil Thorp.

Sherman’s Lagoon, 9/13/24

Fillmore sits in homage to his idol Truck Tyler, waiting for inspiration. Sadly, Hawthorne’s assaults will cause his pickin’ finger to lock up.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/13/24

All that bullyin’ don’t sit well with Truck, who knows a thing or two about sittin’.

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And just a reminder that there are no Comments of the Week on my watch, so 2+2=7’s gem will ride up there for at least another week.

—Uncle Lumpy

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Hi and Lois, 6/25/24

Over at here at Hi and Lois, we’re working to reassure you that it’s not just desperate old people falling for those “Make Money At Home – Set Your Own Hours!” scams on Facebook. No, teenagers are falling for them too! Or at least we’re pretty sure they are. We asked our grandson “What’re you looking at on your phone, buddy? Facebook?” and his grunted reply seemed like an affirmative, so we’re running with that.

Rhymes With Orange, 6/25/24

Um actually Adam, it wasn’t the “tree of knowledge,” it was the “tree of knowledge of good and evil,” so maybe you can annoy your wife when the kid gets to his ethics homework, huh? Oh, what’s that, you, as one of the only two adult humans alive, weren’t planning on teaching him ethics? Do you want to raise Cain, the first murderer? Because that’s how you get Cain, the first murderer.

Marvin, 6/25/24

[desperately trying to think of something non-poop related to say about Marvin] You ever notice how messed up the feet in Marvin look? Check out those feet! The heels are sticking out further from the leg than the toes! And those toes … well, just try imagining what they look like under those “shoes”! Ha ha! Real messed up, right? Messed up enough to purge all thought of the poop jokes from your mind?

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Kevin and Kell, 6/6/24

I know I don’t talk about Kevin and Kell, the comic strip about weird corporate furries, very often, but I can’t look at the wildly fucked up limb situation in panel three and not inflict it on you. How does he hold that phone? How does he walk? It’s troubling.

Mary Worth, 6/6/24

Mary has snapped and decided to end Wilbur’s reign of self-pity with violence. She will force him to love and respect himself, or kill him in the attempt.

Pluggers, 6/6/24

Pluggers exist in a sort of fog, unsure what day it is or where they’re going, and are driven forward only by the vague but unshakeable knowledge that they are in urgent need of medical attention.

Rhymes With Orange, 6/6/24

You ever wonder where the Jolly Green Giant takes a dump? If you guessed “right in the middle of some field, where everyone can see him,” well, congrats, sicko, it turns out you have a lot better handle on giant-shitting lore than I do.