What about my inner adult, why isn’t anyone concerned about him
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Gasoline Alley, 11/18/24
Is that really true, Arty? Have today’s children seen a lot about Mars on TV? Is there actually a lot of Mars content out there, on television, a medium that today’s grade-school children are definitely watching? Are America’s 8-year-olds into the Apple TV+ show For All Mankind, the only actual current show with Mars content that I can think of? Seriously, are they watching that? Are 8-year-olds watching it and not me, even though, as an alt-history sci-fi show created by Ron Moore of Star Trek/Battlestar Galactica fame, it was basically created to specifically cater to my personal tastes? Are the 8-year-olds really this far ahead of me on this? I gotta watch that show, is what I’m saying. Feel like I should finish The Expanse first (I KNOW), but I’m gonna get to it soon enough.
Hi and Lois, 11/18/24
I realize it can be hard to tell with me when I’m talking through multiple layers of irony, so I need to be very clear: Hi and Lois now does strips that are mostly “funny without having punchlines in a traditional sense” and I really love it. It’s great! This strip is great! “I don’t think Lois likes me.” “What makes you say that?” “Oh, well, I was kind of taking liberties by looking for something to eat in your fridge and she really bit my head off. Didn’t hold back at all, and was actually pretty mean about it. Look at her face, you can tell she’s still pissed!”
Alice, 11/18/24
I honestly find the cold, hooded expression with which Alice is regarding her inner child pretty distressing. “Wounded, eh? Well, who do you think wounded you? The same one who’s now going to kill you off once and for all!” [produces huge knife that’s somehow able to stab metaphors]
Crock, 11/18/24
I guess the first panel here is a relic of the days when newspapers would sometimes have some column inches to fill so they’d do an interview with a local weirdo and/or the PR person for an obscure trade group and produce features like “Camels for dinner? Not so far-fetched, experts say”. But I honestly prefer the idea that our Legionnaire is reading a French-language newspaper sold to the local occupation troops, and the banner headline is “FLN SIEGE OF ORAN POCKET HOLDS; STARVATION IMMINENT”.
137 replies to “What about my inner adult, why isn’t anyone concerned about him”
Arty is in deep denial about the popularity of “John Carter” or “Mars needs moms”. Mars does not sell tickets! Sure, the “Martian” was a success but it was because of Ridley Scott and because it was Robinson Crusoe in space, not because of the Red Planet
I have tried French cuisine. With the right sauce and some fat, not only they will make us eat camel, but they will make it taste very good!
If they previously visited Saturn, Mars is not “farther exploration”! It’s “closer to home exploration”!
I’ll take “would you eat me?” over “would you still love me if I were a worm?”
Luann: Missing final panel – Luann kisses the old woman full on the mouth
Phantom: Look, I have no particular love or sympathy for the gazillionaires who have agglomerated inordinate power over our daily lives, but I have to say to this writer: OKAY, WE GET IT!!!!!!
RMMD: Does this man know anyone who isn’t a schlub or turning into one?
CS: ‘Newspaper’? That’s a funny way of saying ‘One-page newsletter I print just to vicariously relive my lost and misspent life’.
MW: WARNING! WARNING! WILBUR STORYLINE INBOUND!!! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!!
In the tradition of “no punchline,” let me just say: Dark. Hi and. Lois. [closes his eyes and lifts his head in pleasure like a cat receiving a chin scritch]
H&L: Hi’s dumbfoundedness is the real joke here. How many years has he blithely overlooked his wife’s open repugnance for Thirsty?
MW: Every single person that I know on this entire planet would say, “What can I bring?” But, nope.
RMMD: Lewton believes in making these gol-durned sawbones WORK for their money. Not one iota of help will Rex get from HIM.
DtM: How, exactly did Dennis acquire these Cordon Bleu affectations? I mean, the kid would eat a worm on a bet without hesitation.
FC: Dolly says; “God can’t hear you with your head under the covers.”
“I know.” replies Jeffy as he lets loose a stream of blasphemies; “Mommy and Daddy are rats!”
“I don’t think Lois likes me.” Yeah, why should she be the exception?
“Would you eat me?” is not an abstract or fear-based question. It’s more like, “Please hurry up and eat me and get me out of this comic strip rerun hellscape!”
Crock: Camel meat is actually eaten in many parts of Algeria, although to be fair I guess the French colonists weren’t big fans. Maybe this newspaper is a “manufacturing consent” kind of deal, attempting to soften up the occupiers to the native way of life. Tomorrow: “Spices! Are they just a vogueish trend, or could they be here to stay?”
Alice: Never noticed until she was drawn reflected against her inner child, but wow, Alice is stacked. I guess the syndicate discovered that inscrutable hallucinogenic pop-psychology sells better when it’s being spouted by a woman with breasts bigger than her thighs (but also confusingly smaller than her nose).
MW: ….wilbur is coming….
Alice: This is exactly what I imagined Alice was like as a child: a bitter, dowdy middle-aged secretary. Which makes me wonder what’s even the point of visiting her own childhood. Or her adulthood.
CS: Oh goody! It’s ANOTHER Funkyverse character who’s going to become a writer! What is that now, 173?
MW: Oh, please let this be a ‘To Serve Man’ parody.
Mustard? They’re French, after all. We probably wouldn’t see products like Maille in Crock, but maybe two Legionnaires on camels re-enacting the old Grey Poupon TV ad.
But why, Alice? Why do– What is– [[pinches bridge of nose]] Look, okay, there are eight (8) words in your one-panel comic strip and 25% of them are “inner child,” so why do you need the caption? Did King Features Syndicate hide “ALL COMIC STRIPS MUST CONTAIN NO FEWER THAN TEN WORDS” somewhere in the fine print, or do you really and truly think that we won’t get it? (I mean, I don’t really ever get what’s going on in this strip, but I realize that this is a me problem.)
Crock: Camel Burgers is a fast food chain and the camel laments; “Wouldn’t you rather slaughter and cook me for a home cooked meal?”
RMMD: “I will relate my current symptoms to you in song form.”
MW: “It’s tops!” Dawn is roleplaying a late 1940s bobbysoxer, and will be getting out the Sinatra records next.
9CL: Oh, for god’s sake, Edda. He PEED ON HIS SHIRT so he took it off, okay? I’m not pure how he managed it, but he PEED ON HIS SHIRT.
HtH: Does this make any sense at all? The King drops himself through a trapdoor when the Queen wants to watch half-naked dancing girls?
GA – …and farthermore….
H&L – …and she never stops by my camp by the fire pit for a steaming can of hobo stew….
Alice – I’m your inner homunculus…not much different than your outer homunculus…a little smaller….
(Appropriately named) Crock – Only as sexual foreplay….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
This is Thirsty here, whom we know to be an alcoholic. Yes, it’s possible he was looking for food but come on now. Hi may enable him but Lois damned well won’t.
***
I will never not be horrified by fictional worlds where animals have the same level of sentience and intelligence as us and can communicate this verbally, but are still treated the way we treat animals right down to the eating as food. Would I eat this camel? No, but only because I know he wouldn’t shut up about it.
@Ettorre: “Would you eat me, please?”
GA: I’ll give you ‘further’, but ‘farther’? Last I checked you were circling the rings of Saturn, now you’re hopping 750 millions miles closer to earth? You know, I’m starting to question the educational quality of this little tour.
H&L: I like how Thirsty seems to be leaning over in that second panel as if he’s really winded from that walk over from the kitchen. He’s really in rough shape!
Alice: I’ve gone through several stages with Alice: at first I thought that it was just weirdly quirky, then I thought that it made no sense, and now I’m starting to wonder if it’s actually coded messages. Anyhow, I’ve made a google news alert for ‘Operation Inner Child’, which will hopefully let us know who the recipients are.
Crock: ‘Mustard’ is their donkey, I assume…
Crock: “Would you eat me?” “With relish! Huh huh? Get it?” [Soldier is hooved to death]
GA, meta: Good for mentioning “The Expanse”, but you should be warned that Chrisjen Avasarala isn’t exactly a kid-friendly speaker.
JP: Neddy is 21? Next thing, she’ll be on AARP.
Is it me, or is Alice just weird, off-putting, nonsensical and thoroughly unfunny?
[narrator’s voice: Alice just weird, off-putting, nonsensical and thoroughly unfunny.]
@pugfuggly: re: GA: Yeah, this is making “Interplanet Janet” look like an astrophysics course at MIT.
You know, I am starting to think the problem may not be that Dustin is bad at his job.
Pibgorn Watch: Three months, nine days, and counting….
RMMD-Was it a taxi? Did you take a taxi to get here?
MW-It won’t be Thanksgiving until Wilbur passes out in the mashed potatoes.
Crock — Aren’t we getting our French signifiers mixed-up here? Shouldn’t it be mayonnaise?
“When you stare at Alice, Alice stares back at you.” — Nietzsche, probably
Gasoline Alley – I’d rather watch the Magic School Bus episode where they go the Mars, and Arnold traumatized a generation by removing his helmet and freezing his head.
Hi and Lois – Next Lois will demand he keep his grubby hands off the furniture as she cleans the potato chip grease and stale beer stains off the chair.
Alice – The inner child having its heart upside down and on the wrong side of its body is a bigger issue than its psychological meaning.
Crock – In order to keep the French Foreign Legion capable of committing terrible crimes in the name of colonialism, the generals have to remove all respect for life. We’ve already seen the legion forcing cooks to kill sentient chickens. But a legionnaire with a camel would naturally bond with it, and that could lead to empathy seeing the natives who also develop strong bonds with their camels. Constant propaganda has deadened the men’s emotions to the point where their camels are a mere resources to be used as commanded. The best this solider can offer is to promise his camel it would be decently prepared for consumption.
@But What Do I Know?: Oddly enough, the French eat more mustard than anyone else on the planet. When the Canadian mustard crop failed a few years ago, the French suffered.
@Little Guy: Sam said Sophie was 21 in the Sunday strip so, unlike Luann, she’s now a college senior. That would make Neddy….24? 25?
Okay, I’m trying not to be sarcastic or reductive here, but what the Hell is this Alice about? Alice looks in the mirror and sees the wounded inner child inside the mirror image? There is exactly one way I’m willing to buy that this is a comic strip cartoon joke: If Andrea Beizer has never even heard of the concept of self-reflection before but just recently discovered that things which happen continue to have effects on your mind as you absorb and process those things.
When you stare into a mirror late at night and chant her name, Bloody Mary appears to kill. When Alice stares into a mirror, she just sees more Alices, and that is far more terrible.
Don Abundio, translated:
“I want you to paint a sign that will help me meet chicks”
“Like a billboard that tells women what you have to offer, Don Abundio?”
“Yeah!”
“Hurry up! Here come some now!”
[Sign: DON ABUNDIO IS A PATHETIC OLD LECH]
GA: Having been corrected on his grammar one time too many, Arty makes sure to double down on his frequently-confused words to confound whoever and whomever might try to talk down to him.
JP: Did you know Neddy is often overprotective of Sophie? Well, despite never demonstrating that, now she is. Or… was, given that Neddy just ran off to the airport to catch up with some fling she hasn’t spoken to in three and/or eight years without actually vetting the dangerous cradle-robbing 25-year-old dating her 21-year-old sister. Uh… look, this probably isn’t going to come up again, so probably best we just forget it. Neddy certainly already has.
CS: This story could be an opportunity to do some interesting things. You could talk about the changing attitudes towards journalism, explore the perspectives of two people with half a century separating them in age, or maybe just pull back the curtain a little on the ins and outs of the profession. Or you could do a week of “Young people are stupid and probably don’t even know what newspapers are!” Take a wild guess which direction Tom Batiuk is headed.
Luann: Last we left off, Tiffany and Stef were butting heads over their mutual hatreds of each other and desires to possess Kip, while Bets and Dez are caught in the middle. The household is aflame and there’s not a drop of water to be found. Something has to give, and you know what that means – PLOT PIVOT, MUTHAFUCKAS! So never mind that stuff, it’s all getting dropped without any resolution and we’re switching to Luann disappointing a dying old woman with her idiotic clothing.
Luann – First of all, Sleepy Creek? No, just no. In this day and age, these places are going full Bridgerton: Barrington Square, Addington Estates, Herringbone Court – or, vaguely Corporate New-Agey: Acania, Cendara, Symbreo.
And second of all, I’ve had shirts made for myself. For $40 and some basic clip art, you too can have whatever you want emblazoned on your chest. But just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. I’d almost rather watch Stef and Tiff yell at each other across their suite.
Alice: How exactly is this inner child “wounded”? Is it the little upside-down heart? That’s probably it, isn’t it?
GA: Back in the day the Divalings liked a show on PBS Kids called Ready, Jet, Go! in which a family of visiting aliens help teach kids about the solar system. Maybe that’s what Arty is thinking about? I dunno, it’s been years since my kids were in that demographic so I have no idea if the show is still aired or how popular it is, and frankly I’m not invested enough in Gasoline Alley to check.
@pugfuggly:
GA: I’ll give you ‘further’, but ‘farther’? Last I checked you were circling the rings of Saturn, now you’re hopping 750 millions miles closer to earth?
It could be “farther” if the two planets are in opposition to each other.
@Hibbleton: Retrograde!
FC: I guess Bil is inviting the reader to imagine booting little Jeffy straight out the open window? Surprised big Jeff didn’t pick up on that.
Alice: “Who are you?” “It’s a mirror, genius. Who do you think?” “Okay, fair point, but we’re drawn very badly, and I didn’t want to risk saying the wrong name.”
Robots piloting a saucer
Oh man, look at those weird girls go
It’s a poorly drawn show
Take a look at old Walter
Yearning to finally die
Oh man, wonder if he’ll ever RIP
He’s in a legacy strip
Is there life on Mars?
@11 Schroduck: on Alice: You know what they say about a woman who’s breasts are bigger than her thighs and confusingly smaller than her nose.
@17 Ukulele Ike: on Hagar the Horrible: You missed the point–the “lap dance and happy ending” button the king pushed shouldn’t be pushed when the queen is around. She’ll grab her rolling pin and chase him out of the castle.
@36 jroggs: on Luann: Is it the idiotic clothing or the idiot in the clothing that is disappointing the dying old lady? My vote is for the latter.
C’shaft: “Your teacher called several days ago, so I should have gotten over any surprise I had at the situation by now, but I’ve been holding on to it as a reminder that the world I knew is a distant memory and I hate you and everyone your age because of it.”
DT: “Well, you know, the war and the development of much better technology that made relying on a seven-story clock tower in a major metropolis for navigation pretty stupid.”
Dustin: I would think that “I sent you someone who I’m so convinced is a useless loafer that I assume your calling to compliment his efforts is a practical joke” would lose a temp service a lot of repeat business.
GT: It’s hard to mess up telling dad jokes, but apparently Gil manages.
Luann: “Oh, and a lot of people have told me this t-shirt is the stupidest thing they’ve ever seen.”
MW: You’ve heard of Friendsgiving, get ready for…MEDDLESGIVING!
Phantom: “You mean an invading force burst into your territory, claimed it for its own, and proceeded to treat you like an inferior who should be grateful for its presence? I have NO idea what that’s like…”
Pluggers take all the joy out of Hobbit “second breakfast.”
MW: Best punchline today: Mary says; “Thanks, Dawn.” for the benefit of new readers.
GT: “Yeah, I fumbled once and felt terrible about it. Coach Thorp sat down next to me and told me a little joke. And then the next day at practice he made me run gassers until I puked.”
RMMD: “Oh, so we’re going to play Twenty Questions, is that it? Crap, I should have taken the Stewart kids. They’re more intelligent.”
CS: “Well the reason I want to shadow you is that the other kids at school said it would be funny to watch a guy with one arm run a printing press.”
JP: Without overprotective Neddy around, Sophie absent-mindedly walks out in traffic and is hit by a food truck.
MW: “I look forward to your turkey dinner and sides ev” [buffering . . . buffering . . . buffering . . .]
Marvin: Jeff’s look of bewilderment is appropriate here. His child has suddenly turned from a preverbal toddler into a stand-up comedian speaking in full sentences. Is he possessed by the spirit of Rodney Dangerfield?
Slylock Fox: All of these animals have suffered traumatic head injuries that should have instantly killed them. Is that busty bunny lady just wrapping gauze over their hemorrhaging exposed brains?
Family Circus: Is Jeffy in a desperate attempt to keep god from reading his mind hiding under a bedsheet because he’s had horrible blasphemous thoughts that god will smite him for and send him straight to hell?
JumpStart: “At least the dog didn’t eat my novelty edible underwear that I bought at the adult book store.” That’s probably going to be the same place that will be selling the edible socks, for people with foot fetishes.
“Would you eat me? Please, right now, kill me and harvest my flesh for a Royale With Cheese joke, and get me the heck out of the internal prison that is ” CROCK”!” (Marvin enters) “Cool sandbox you guys have. Mind if I leave some grey poop on your camel?” “No…..my appetite, she es gone.”
Pull back to show the Six Chix reading the comic “Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh? Is that what they call a poonchline? So if we add a camel to our comic, we’ll be funny?” ” How about we make the camel into a sandwich, and I have sex with the sandwich while wearing a.pumpkin on my head?”
Alice – “I’m wounded because I’ve only had one dress my entire life.”
H&L: In all fairness to Lois she’s very worried about their crippling poverty and the little food they have is needed to keep their 4 children from starving. Hi should be doing more to support his family.
Gasoline Alley: If some sort of super-powered steampunk AI robot offered to show me things I had seen on TV, my first choice certainly wouldn’t be Mars. It would be (in no particular order): the Scrub Daddy, the ThighMaster, the Snuggie, the Veg-O-Matic, the Pocket Fisherman, the Shake Weight, Emeril’s two-door air fryer, that thing you put over your stovetop to keep it clean, and, of course, Julie Newmar as Catwoman.
Crock: “Would you eat me?” “Not without mustard, ketchup, mayo, salt, pepper, relish, garlic, horseradish, A-1, Tabasco sauce, Worcestershire sauce, fried onions, and a squeeze of lime.” “Okay, I feel better. A little insulted, though.”
Alice: The inner child is wound in as far as like, a third of her face is missing. Alice had never noticed that about herself before and now it’s going to keep her up all night.
Crock: Guess this is the awkward part of the conversation where Figowitz(?) explains how he knows camel meat is bland.
H&L: “And by ‘out of your fridge’ I mean ‘off of her tits’ but it’s the same principle, right?”
HTH: So this king has a button on his throne that summons a dancing stripper, but the queen who he’s sitting right next to is already fully aware of it? Feel like there’s a lot happening here for this joke that wasn’t thought through. Also Hagar is very much into this and will probably proceed to violate her before he violently kills all of them and steals anything of value.
@Ukulele Ike, JP: Sophie… Neddy…. they’re interchangeable, aren’t they, They aren’t? Oh, Sophie’s the blonde and Neddy’s the brunette. And Abbey’s the redhead. Got it.
@Hibbleton: MW: Best punchline today: Mary says; “Thanks, Dawn.” for the benefit of new readers.
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Mary Worth sez “Use Dawn Patrol™ for all your prostitute lioness needs! Don’t make me meddle you again!”
Alice – It looks like she’s after Tuesday Chick’s job. She already has the bad artwork nailed down, and now she’s working on the wallowing in depression.
Mary Worth – That’s the most stilted Thanksgiving planning conversation I’ve ever heard. Moy has never heard two human beings talking, has she?
Rex Morgan – It’s obvious here that Rex is his own boss and does not have to meet any corporate quotas or insurance standards. Doctors have a limited amount of time to see all their appointments, and they don’t just set a spell with the patient while the patient leisurely blathers. My primary care doctor has the world’s worst bedside manner, and I can just imagine his reaction to a patient like this. The sarcasm would be off the charts.
@MKay: Re Mary Worth – That’s a really good point. The Westons especially should contribute something, since Wilbur will be scarfing down everything in sight. Including the tablecloth.
@Banana Jr. 6000: Re Crankshaft – The few who don’t want to be a writer would like to be comic book artists.
Low and Hi-less: “Lois, what part of my anatomy are we calling ‘the fridge’? And what exactly do you think Thursty and I do in my Man Cave when we’re alone and the door is closed?”
The Gasoline Alley “children” are rendered in the most disturbing ways possible – each “child” is rendered differently, yet in a way to make each one uniquely repellent. At least there’s a reason for Dick Tracy Moon People to have different irises than Earth People – they’re different species! The Dustin artist(s) use different styles of eyes on all the characters to indicate surprise or some other emotion. There’s no reason for these Gasoline Alley “children” to have different eyes, different hair, yet the same weird hand gestures borrowed from Rex Morgan. I demand an explanation, or a retraction as papers used to do when Doonesbury was too liberal.
@Little Guy: @Ukulele Ike, JP: Sophie… Neddy…. they’re interchangeable, aren’t they, They aren’t? Oh, Sophie’s the blonde and Neddy’s the brunette. And Abbey’s the redhead. Got it
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“….and Mel is the one with four feet, and the elegantly groomed Mane and Tail™….”
@Ettorre: I wish I could find it now but I swear I read a blog post once about French restaurants during the 1870 siege of Paris coming up with “elevated” recipes for cooking horse hooves flavored with whatever herbs could be grown in the city. Everyone agreed they were pretty good!
MW: Well, that was exciting…
RexMD: Well, that was exciting…
@Josh: recipes for cooking horse hooves Horse hooves? Those are basically just big thick fingernails. Not sure how much cooking and spicing could render those edible.
@BigTed: “Not without mustard, ketchup, mayo, salt, pepper, relish, garlic, horseradish, A-1, Tabasco sauce, Worcestershire sauce, fried onions, and a squeeze of lime.” And soy sauce. Don’t forget the soy sauce.
@Josh: There’s always room for fresh-off-the-horse Jello.
CS: Lesson One: If it’s a slow news day, interview a local bookshop owner about bookshops being set on fire, then set their bookshop on fire.
Blondie: So who’s to blame here: the colorist for using green to color the Thanksgiving tree made out of chocolate-covered drumsticks, or the artist for drawing a normal pine tree?
MW: I assume Dawn means Thanksgiving 2025, because there’s no way Karen Moy can tell a story in less than two weeks.
Alice should have a reboot called “Alice’s Inner Child”! It would still be a carpy comic, but we could get Arlo Guthrie to do an awesome theme for the tv/movie versions, I can almost hear it now……” You can get anything you want from Alice’s Inner Child…(excepting Alice)…..” (continue for an hour)
.
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You know you’re a long time Curmudgeon when your Spellcheck insists “Arlo” is spelled “Aldo”.
@Josh: That’s disgusting!
@Voshkod: So is that!
How about a trigger warning, guys!
@Josh: flavored with whatever herbs could be grown in the city.
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I understand Herb was quite flavorful once they forced him to eat a Burger King® Whopper™.
H&L: “I don’t think your wife likes me.”
“Why not?”
“I went to use your bathroom and she handed me a five-gallon bucket and pointed to your shed.”
@Melody Mare, aghast: How about a trigger warning, guys!
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Sorry for the others,Mel, but at least I got a plug in for you for Mane and Tail™ (my PayPal info is still the same) By the way, did you talk to them about my idea about coming out with a Stripe & Tail formula for skunks?
@Melody Mare, aghast: How about a trigger warning, guys!
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I see what you did there, Mel! Was the pun intended?
Luann: The DeGroots have chosen well with their choice of adult daycare. This senior staff member is very sensitive to Luann’s needs.
Alice’s Inner Thoughts: “Man…that other Alice gazes into a looking glass and gets all kinds of adventures with killer playing cards and talking rabbits,and I just get this carp! Some Alices get all the luck!”
@GarrisonSkunk: …or was it spur of the moment?
We switched the fine looking glass usually served in this comic with new Folger’s™ Carnival Style Shrinky Dink® brand Mirror™…..lets see if Alice notices! Nope, she didn’t, she’s used to looking like that.
@The Quiet Man: #5
“MW: WARNING! WARNING! WILBUR STORYLINE INBOUND!!! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!!”
SOUND THE KLAXONS!!! HULL BREACH ON DECK FIVE!!! ALL HANDS TO THE ESCAPE PODS!!!
@Hibbleton: I mean, if they’re saying ‘farther’ I would assume that they meant relative to earth. I don’t think there’s ever a point where Saturn is closer to us than Mars?
Crank: Oh, yawn, a Skip Rawlings story, and one that opens with him correctly explaining to Emily how boring he is. Nothing could make me take interest in… wait. Emily? Teenaged blonde journalism student? Oh, my goodness, has the moment finally occurred? Has Batty forgotten that the teenage polar-opposite twins in Westview and the pre-teen literalist twins in Centerville with the same names were supposed to be the same characters on different sides of the time rift, and he’s already established the kid versions as existing in the Summer’s Book Timeline? I’ve been speculating this might happen ever since the timelines merged, and seeing it for real almost makes me not resent that I got dragged into reading Crankshaft again!
DT: “Someone said that the light and the clock machinery weren’t actually connected and we could keep one running without the other, but I think we burned him as a witch.”
GT: “He also told me it was none of his business if my mom was hitting me, which is a heartwarming story about what a great coach he is, somehow.”
JP: Glen still exists, everyone! I know last week eventually reached the point where Manley stopped even bothering to draw him, but he still exists and he’s still around! Why he’s still around is anyone’s guess.
MW: “Nobody else serves turkey with sides of salmon squares, cranberry muffins, and Splak!”
OTF: Look, I accept that this feature suffers from an unfortunate belief that showing a visual metaphor, then explaining it, constitutes a “joke”. But could they at least be visual metaphors that work? If this is meant to symbolise Dethany raising Ms Trellis’s expectations of her, shouldn’t she be the one jacking something up?
SH: Yes, I’m doing both Holbrook strips today, and I know nobody else cares, so sorry. But wouldn’t organ transplants be a bit tricky, what with Crawley not actually being a human, or even intending to be in human form for long? Never mind, at least Holbrook got to make a joke about obligate carnivores in a world of sentient animals, because goodness knows he doesn’t have another outlet for that.
@Ettorre: Thank you for pointing that out. I don’t know why it annoyed me so much, but maybe I was trying to distract myself from the eyes in Panel One. Gaaaaaah.
MW: This year Dawn is making sure she’s ahead of her dad in the buffet line so there’s something left for her to eat.
MW: Wait! Mary’s getting her victory lap praise BEFORE the meddle? Since when was this put in her contract?
@Cleveland Mocks: After reading what you had to say about ELSBETH yesterday, I was curious, not having seen the show, and two seconds of searching revealed this GUARDIAN headline. “Elsbeth review – a tedious spinoff for the Good Wife character who makes you want to smash your TV.” Methinks you may be on to something.
LUANN: Okay, Ms. Woolforbrains, what did you do with the stray black cat that Luann gave you when she couldn’t keep it because of her dad’s allergies? I’ll bet the Evansii have forgotten they ever created that cat story, but that cat was appealing and deserved better. If that cat was your client, Sid, I hope she found a much better gig.
GA: But where are our travelers now? There seems to be three moons and a planet, and, based on the shadows, at least three suns.
Slylock F: The vulpine hawkshaw solves the mystery using observation, logic, a specialized knowledge of New York City geography, and the fact that raccoons naturally look like criminals. // Or maybe he just remembers the last time they reprinted this panel.
MT: Wait, so Rusty prefers politics over science? Uh-huh.
MW: Wait! Wait! Before panicking completely, consider that maybe this will turn into a story about how Mary gets hit by a car and has to have her Thanksgiving dinner served in the hospital with concerned friends nattering sympathetically as they stand around her bed, and then she has to lie there in traction for six months while Jeff decides to play the field by screwing every Charterstone woman who’ll give him the time of day! It could happen, right? Right? Okay, yeah, who am I kidding, time to evacuate, where’s my passport…
Luann-“Oh so that’s what your shirt means. I thought it meant something else because you are full of it.
Gasoline Alley-And after this they’ll travel to Uranus.
MW-“Seriously? We’re moving on to a story about you now? We really need to expand our cast.”
GA:
“Why don’t we explore the surface of the sun and bring a merciful end to this inane escapade?”
MW: Wait, let’s not all panic here. Maybe this is not a new storyline, but just a holiday interlude where all will reflect and give thanks for having Mary in their lives. Maybe a glimpse of all the characters to “catch up” ala Rex Morgan. Then we’ll settle on the meddle winner. ha ha
Shouldn’t a new tenant be moving into Estelle’s place? Will they arrive in time for Mary’s Thanksgiving fest? Yes, I remember how the last newcomer story played out. ZZZZZ At least it was a break from Wilbur.
Hi and Lois-“She told me to keep my grubby mitts off of Chip.”
M&J in Esp.: Be careful with this! “Pajarito” means “little bird”. As two words, “Paja rito”, it means “ritual hand job”.
@Arabella: “At least it was a break from Wilbur.”
A break FOR Wilbur, too, to be fair. Must be tough being Wilbur.
Are you me? You sound like me.
@GarrisonSkunk: The Impossible Burger….IT’S HERB…dear god it’s Herb (sob)….
MW: Dawn is just hoping her dad doesn’t drink the contents of the gravy boat in one quaff like he did last year.
[WARNING: MELODY MARE, DO NOT READ ON]
@Josh: This article doesn’t specifically mention the hooves, but does say they were eating horses (and this apparently wasn’t one of the periods when the French were generally okay with eating horses) and not wasting any part of them. They later turned their attention to pets, street animals, and the zoo.
@Arabella: And as I think about it, Keith must have moved to the nearby city of Taft to be with his new non-family. So that unit was available again for someone new. I know Keith’s story was a bust, but I would encourage them to keep trying some new characters.
@Poteet:
Ha haaaa! Yeah, Mrs. Mocks and I watched a couple of episodes of Elsbeth before we couldn’t take it anymore. They cancelled Family Law in order to run this dreck.
H&L is really about Thirsty’s brilliant feint. Lois, focusing on “Keep your grubby hands out of our fridge”, doesn’t say anything about the liquor cabinet.
Crock – Mustard on a burger?! What’s next, dressing your camel in a tan suit?
G. &*(#$%#$&* Thorp: “And then he told me about his new girlfriend. He thought he was getting a tight end but instead it was a wide receiver! Boy, I miss that guy!”
@Poteet: If Mary is in the hospital all tractioned up, someone else will have to prepare the Thanksgiving dinner. Everyone there will have to exclaim over and over that the dinner is not nearly as good as Mary’s cooking, even if it hurts the replacement cook’s feelings. (“This just doesn’t compare to your muffin stuffing. And those appetizers are a weak imitation of your salmon squares.”) The alternative: if anyone praised another person’s cooking in Mary’s presence, Mary would lose the will to live.
@Liam: Think about that. Two words: Keith Hillend.
@Ukulele Ike: “9CL: Oh, for god’s sake, Edda. He PEED ON HIS SHIRT so he took it off, okay? I’m not pure how he managed it, but he PEED ON HIS SHIRT.”
Close. Same organ, different liquid.
A handy from his fiancee led to an eruption that stained his shirt. This has been the topic for nearly a week now.
If it was a Super Bowl Worn Tom Brady jersey, then I can understand this obsession with a shirt. But it isn’t. Like most comics characters, he wears the same shirt every day and has an infinite supply of exact replacements.
The only punchline is “haha cum stains are funny”
MW:
“It’s tops! — tops, of course, being things which spin around and around aimlessly, which pretty much describes my life perfectly!”
@Poteet:
#84. LUANN:. The cat! We should have been looking out for her, making sure she was fed and had a home. But just a second, wasn’t she given to someone else when Mrs. Horner couldn’t keep her due to assisted living rules?
I’ve been reading this too much. As I was starting to awaken this morning, Mrs. Horner came to mind, and I wondered if she was still with us.
Not that anyone cares, but my bones were aching so called in sick today. Made homemade sweet potato pie, now in oven. I like to experiment– Found adding cream cheese is good, and today added instead 1/4 tsp almond flavoring. Smells wonderful. See “Curtis”
What is it with women (girls) named “Alice” and mirrors (a.k.a. “looking glasses”)? Perhaps we should ban all Alices from looking in them if only to cut down a possible rise in psychiatric cases.
Gasoline Alley certainly has wandered far from its origin story, that of residents of a small town trying to make it through depressions and wars and life in general. Walt Wallet has seen the changes, but has remained quiet because he has no idea what is going on around him any more. This stems partly from not bringing a comic strip to a plausible end instead of dragging it on and an. Wait’ll you see what Crankshaft morphs into a hundred years from now.
@Hibbleton: “Mommy and Daddy are rats!”
__________________________”Who taught Jeffy how to shapeshift others?”,squeaks Thel. “Damn school system! I knew we should have home schooled them!,where’s that darn cat?”, squeaks, Bil.
@I speak Jive: #58
You know that the Westons have been relegated to bring a can of jellied cranberries and garbage bags for cleanup.
Don’t Flash Gordon: Misty Canyons is the new lioness hooker in town, trying to claw her way into Dawn Patrol’s territory.
.
.
.
. TOMORROW: CATFIGHT!
9CL: Oh for fuck’s sake, this is the most I’ve heard about a shirt since the Seinfeld pirate thing, and at least that was funny.
GT: “Maybe I’m not telling this joke right. I’m forgetting where to put the ethnic slur.”
HtH: Dipping for clipart into the deep files of “Not for publication fanart Dik Browne drew when I Dream of Jeannie was still on the air.”
JP: Garbo speaks. Wonder how fast Garbo moved getting away from Neddy.
RMMD: As to what brought him here I’m going to guess an Uber whose driver really wants to get another job.
Feel like I missed something over the weekend. Anyone know what happened with Sequitur?
@113 Artist formerly known as Ben: It appears this is his last post.
Alice is a step ahead of Hi and Lois in that, to the best of my knowledge, it has _never_ produced strips with punchlines, or even jokes at all for the most part. Today it consists of a crudly sketched person looking at a crudely sketched mirror image and that’s basically it.
I don’t know if I prefer this half-hearted attempt over Gasoline Alley, which is also not funny (in fact right now it’s actively annoying) but they actually spent some time on the art.
@Baja Gaijin: Huh. So that was actually it. Weird.
Thanks, Baja.
Odd Food Monday: Potatoes with extra…WHAT???
I had a dream earlier, after reading Alice.
That I had made a comment like:
Alice: Alice’s younger self pulls out a baseball bat “So if you wanna keep your kneecaps you’d better tell me all of the winners of the World Series since you were my age, Kapeesh?”
Probably too late to have any relevance now but..
GA: For All Mankind is the best show nobody has heard of, but definitely finish The Expanse first! Pretty sure the Gasoline Alley team thinks kids are still finding out about Mars from Edgar Rice Burroughs (or maybe Ray Bradbury?) so you’ve got time.
Dustin: Now, in a sane and fair world, this conversation would go like this:
“I called you to give praise for an employee who worked hard and well on his first day…and you just assumed it was a joke?”
“…Uh…well, Dustin is–”
“…Did you recommend me an employee that you thought would be terrible at the job on purpose? What kind of hiring agent are you?!”
“B…But…Dustin, he–”
“Do you do this to other employers too?! I’m informing other companies in the area to stay away from your agency if this is how you treat people. Good day.”
But this is the Dustinverse, so I expect a return to the status quo by next week.
Family Circus: Can HE see what I’m doing under here? Cause that’s what I’m worried about!
@Artist formerly known as Ben:
Evidently Sequitir has a deep and abiding reverence for state names, and to see us treat them so cavalierly is more than he could take. In his defense, he might have been innerly wounded as a child by the old Perry Como song that contained these verses [annoted for clarity]:
What did Delaware, boy, what did Delaware? /
She wore a brand New Jersey, that’s what she did wear.
Why did California [Callie phone ya}, was she all alone? /
She called to say Hawaii [Ha-wa-ya], that why she did phone.
What did Missi sip, boy, through her pretty lips? /
She sipped a Minnesota [mini soda], that’s what she did sip.
And it goes on to pun on Where has Ory gone, pay her Texas, how did Wisconsin, she stole a new-brass-key . . . and if you want to know the rest, you can look it up.
So, really, who among us can blame him if he tells us to stick it up our-laska?
@Cleveland Mocks: Heh, I was just thinking he’d gotten on the whiskey. I like your thought better.
High & Lois became a soaper so gradually I didn’t even notice.
@Cleveland Mocks: I just heard that song for the first time about a year ago. It’s funny and catchy but, I guess, not for every taste.
@MKay: How many years has he blithely overlooked his wife’s open repugnance for Thirsty? ___________________________________
Does Hi ever wonder Why does Lois keep having sex with Thursty? Not to mention noticing his own children’s resemblance to the Thursty One. Wake up and smell the coffee boiling over, Hi!
@Cleveland Mocks: And it goes on to pun on Where has Ory gone, pay her Texas, how did Wisconsin, she stole a new-brass-key . . . and if you want to know the rest,
__________________
Let me guess , she’s a VIRGINian. (And if she is, Perry stole that from the Sunshine Boys’ Doctor Sketch.)
@Mysterion: Pretty sure the Gasoline Alley team thinks kids are still finding out about Mars from Edgar Rice Burroughs (or maybe Ray Bradbury?) so you’ve got time.
______________
At least they’re not learning about Mars from “Safe Heavings”, they’ll wonder wear the dodos went.(when they brush with Walt’s Pepsodent™). end-of-line.
@Artist formerly known as Ben:
#116. Ben and Baja, don’t feel abandoned. After a break to clear his mind and try new relationships, Seq will no doubt silently lurk on the outside, gnashing his teeth in frustration for months before he signs in under a new name. We politely will not mention his new alias. [Ha!]
He was polite in making a clean break so we needn’t call the hospitals to find him.
@Baja Gaijin: I apologize if its based on some old beloved traditional Japanese fable, or something, but those animations of a chicken walking around with an egg yoke with a face on it, when viewed out of context look like some weird fever dream. I want to be culturally respectful.What’s it all about, Baja?
@130 GarrisonSkunk: I have no idea what you’re talking about. I linked to a bag of German potatoes with extra…
@Baja Gaijin
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1RolTkKkp8c
This is one of them.
@Baja Gaijin: Why, potatoes sliced extra thick, of course! Whatever else could it mean?
@132 GarrisonSkunk: The egg outside its shell is a character Sanrio (of Hello Kitty fame) created about 10 years ago. Google up “Gudetama” for more info.
@Baja Gaijin: Thanks, Baja.:)
@Ettorre: Which is too bad, because John Carter was legitimately great. Maybe if the Dune movies usher in a planetary romance renaissance, someone will take another shot at Princess of Mars.
@els: Els, I think the caption is some sort of editorial superego saying: “No, inner child, you are not wounded, you do not even know what wounded means. Wounded is having to read Alice every single day of your life until your body is found at your desk on Monday morning.”