Maybe she’s fallen in with Sonia, or, worse, Brad
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Mary Worth, 12/10/24
I guess (for once) Wilbur leaving town is providing us with an opportunity not to see what Wilbur gets up to outside of town but rather to see what happens in the Wilbur-shaped hole left behind. What happens is that Mary is going to make dinner for Dawn literally on her first night alone, which seems a little overprotective, but she might as well learn now that Dawn is now … [extremely dramatic music sting] … VEGAN???? Or, at least she “started a vegan diet,” which implies that she’s doing this as a weight loss thing or a “cleanse” or whatever rather than out of ethical concerns over animal welfare. I know, Dawn doing something wacky for self-interested reasons would be a real shocker. Anyway, Mary was last seen eating a nice salad herself, but presumably it was well-dusted by bacon bits and drenched in a creamy dressing. Could she create an even vaguely edible meal without such crutches? This will be her greatest challenge yet!
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 12/10/24
Speaking of vaguely edible meals, I do “Ha ha, it’s funny because the residents of Hootin’ Holler are crushingly poor!” riffs on this blog not because I think it’s actually funny, but because I find it fascinating that there’s a longstanding syndicated newspaper comic where that’s the background radiation of the worldbuilding (see for instance: patched curtains forming the “walls” within the Smifs’ one-room shack) but it isn’t usually directly addressed, because that would be depressing. But today’s strip, where Loweezy attempts to extend her family’s meager food supply for another day to stave off both boredom and starvation, is a little too on the nose.
Marvin, 12/10/24
“Wait a minute,” I said to myself as I said this. “Why would Jeff have a bunch of pictures of Marvin on his phone? He hates Marvin!” Based on his facial expression in panel three, he’s coming to the exact same realization.
149 replies to “Maybe she’s fallen in with Sonia, or, worse, Brad”
Marvin: A photography contest? Do blue-collar office drone jobs do “fun” things like this in real life? I mean, sure some jobs might have “gimmick days” like “come to work wearing terrible sweaters or funny hats” but having an actual activity like this (and presumably prizes) makes going to work seem like a blast.
MW: “I could use the COMPANY, AND your home cooking and make sure it adheres to my brand new VEGAN DIET, and also if you could lend a hand CLEANING our apartment with SPECIAL attention to the REFRIGERATOR and LAUNDRY because Wilbur left everything a mess and I don’t know anything about keeping house. And GROCERIES. I’ll need some of those as well, as my BACKPACK isn’t big enough to hold everything I want to have on hand as I begin living as a VEGAN.
RMMD:
How does it feel?
How does it feel?
To be on your own,
With your infection shown,
A glum creep, unsewn,
Like a strolling drone?
MW: “And also, can you spare some CASH?”
BG&SS: It’s kinda a chicken or egg thing. Is Smiff lazy because he’s malnourished or malnourished because he’s so lazy?
He didn’t say “We can’t submit any pictures of our kids,” he said “You can’t submit any pictures of your kids.” Because everyone hates Marvin!
MW-Oh, Dawn. You and your silly falling for cults like veganism. Now show your devotion to Mary Worth by eating her cooking.
Six Chix-Okay. Who’s been emailing her about her lack of jokes?
MW-“And I’m also required by law to tell you that I don’t eat gluten. I don’t know what that is but I’m required to tell you that I don’t eat it.”
FC-And Dolly only had to break a few kneecaps to demonstrate her skills.
GT: Gil’s solution is to trigger the rival coach’s PTSD. Next up: Guest Coach Baja Gaijin is confronted by Gil’s rendition of Emmett Kelly.
Marvin: “Our office is having a photography contest! Rules? There’s only one rule: no kids. Anything else, fine and dandy. Photos of the victims chained in your cellar? Hey, sounds swell! You’ll be competing with my elder abuse series, though, so you’d better be good.”
MW:
“I’ve just started a Vegan Diet today!”
“You mean you’ve forsworn all foodstuffs that are made from animal products or byproducts?”
“No, no. I participated in the legislative assembly that convened today for the solar system of the bright white main sequence star that is the brightest star in the constellation Lyra!”
“Ah. Did you enjoy this Diet?”
“I certainly liked it a lot better than the Diet of Worms!”
DtM: Stealing jokes from Xmas porn.
MW: What’s the over/ under on how long it will take Karen and June to have Dawn accidentally break her vegan diet? I’m calling it happening by Sunday.
Marvin: Odd to specify “no photos of your kids” rather than “no photos of your family.” Seems like a rather roundabout way to ask for wife bikini photos and husband dick pics, but hey, no one said workplace teambuilding was easy. If nothing else, it’s better than the worrying alternative emphasis of “no photos of your kids.”
JP: As always, Francesco Marciuliano cannot ever remember his own plots no matter how recent. Ann never asked for Alan’s help in “escaping the law” either time she encountered him last year. The first time she wanted money so she could go blow it on fancy ballgowns, and the second time she wanted money to pay off the loan shark who had caught up with her. The justice system never factored in. Back in present day, April’s not making a very good sales pitch for… whatever it is she’s doing. Does Ann actually have any idea who April is? It doesn’t seem like Alan even bothered asking Ann anything about her situation or plans himself, so it’s doubtful he’s informed her that her brother’s wife is a former government agent, a psychotic murderer, and a generally unpleasant person to be around, though Ann’s probably already picked up that last part.
CS: This is as funny as a self-aggrandizing chronic child abuser propping up his own ego by needlessly berating and demeaning a bunch of kids he doesn’t know while offering them nothing in the way of meaningful instruction. Oh, does that not sound very amusing? Huh. Imagine that.
Luann: So much for getting any clarity on Bernice’s bizarre-as-hell remark at the end of yesterday about how she’s “not like the other girls” and thus seemingly not willing or able to donate blood. It’s not even the usual plot abandonment problem; it was just dropped in there like we’re supposed to be able to intuit exactly what that means. For all anyone can guess, Bernice was really just referring to her refusal to accept Luann’s chore IOU coupon as a legitimate Christmas present.
MW:
For Dawn, a “Vegan diet” means eating out of her 1970 Chevrolet subcompact car.
MW: Will Mary try to steer Dawn back to the righteous road of omnivourity, or will she obligingly produce some dun-colored vegan blobs?
RMMD: Would it be trite to reference that quote about no honor among dim-witted scumbags?
MW: Tomorrow’s Mary Worth: / 2-panel long awkward pause/ “I could start next week..”
H&L: ‘Emailing’ your Christmas cards is literally the least amount of work you can do other than not doing anything at all.
And NO, Jeff. Do not even think about taking and submitting a new photo for the contest. It has to be something that’s on your phone already. We will be checking the metadata. If you have to be prompted to see the beauty of the non-pants-shitting world around you, you don’t deserve to win.
BG&SS: They’re so poor, the “S” & “P” on those shakers stand for “Sand” and “Pebbles.”
Marvin – The pervy guy talking to Jeff isn’t worried about the rules – he has plenty of pictures of other people’s kids.
MW: [Mary leaves, anxiously trying to work out what the vegan substitute for expired tinned salmon. ‘Dawn’ starts to chuckle, then laugh out loud. She tears off her stunningly realistic latex mask to reveal a beanie cap with a ‘save the whales’ button] “I’m back, Santa Royale! And I’m more of an obnoxious boomer stereotype of millennials than ever!”
Marvin: Marvin’s dad likes to Photoshop Marvin’s face onto milk cartons and missing person alerts, just to see if it makes him feel anything. Neither grief nor joy. He has lost the capacity for all human emotion.
MW: I would imagine that the youths’ woke agenda of getting rid of meat for everyone is something that would pass as a major story at Charterstone so…well done, Brigman and Moy?
Given Mary’s penchant for preparing nebulous, off-color blob dishes, her and now-even-more insufferable vegan Dawn’s dinner will be JUST FINE. By which we all know I mean “horrific.”
MW: “I just started a vegan diet today!” translation: “If you try to force one more salmon square on me, I’ll set fire to your apartment.”
Mary Worth: Apparently, Wilbur’s absence has left a disturbance in the Charterstone pecking order, and I am absolutely here for the resulting contest of personalities. Will the meddling biddy pull the misguided waif back from the brink of starvation, which road, by the looks of her emaciated face, she’s already well down? Or will the younger, hipper, animal-cruelty-free diet reign supreme? You tell me, which will come first, the veg or the hen?
@Me: Project much?
MW: The perspective in the final panel looks like Dawn is leaning over Mary lying on the ground, hands around her throat. “NO. MORE. SALMON. CAPISCE!?”
Luckily Mary has a couple of hours to load up on burgers before attempting a vegan meal.
Also, she’s done her due diligence and had Dawn over for the month. Tomorrow it’s back to a wall-to-wall carnivore diet
Rex Morgan, MDM
Jack Chick took over the Rex Morgan strip so slowly I hardly even noticed.
MW: Mary goes home to Google “are brown squares vegan”.
It’s all starting to make sense. We can see vague shapes of the “food” Mary makes yet everybody raves about it. It makes sense that they’ve been humouring her, either out of pity or fear, but being able to enjoy a Thanksgiving dinner with flavour this year has given Dawn a new courage she’s hoping this sudden vegan diet will let her off the hook. At least until Mary spots her tearing into a hamburger through a restaurant window one day.
@Pozzo:
BG- Seriously laughed out loud. Sand and pebbles! Kudos.
Whichever mudge was trying to ship Mary and Dawn the past couple days may actually be onto something. Dawn is on a vegan diet, starting today? Vegans don’t “eat meat”? Nudge nudge, wink wink, know what I mean? (I guess the gag would work better if Dawn said she was going pescatarian, but we have to work with what we’re given.)
MW – I’m sure the phlegm I’m coughing up is vegan-friendly. I mean, it’s green….
BG&SS – Don’t fergit the lard, Loweezy, and an extra hepping of sour milk….
Marvin – But mind bending enormous piles of steaming shit…that still kosher, right….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
ME: Boy, does Dawn look stoned or what? Vegan diet indeed.
Marvin: My lazy reading made me think it was a “proctology” contest, which means Jeff’s disappointment makes sense. If he could use Marvin, he’d win in a heartbeat.
A Wilbur-shaped hole would be immense.
@Uncle Lumpy: The Wilbur Hole has an event horizon that encompasses the entire Charterstoned Condo Complex, sucking in all unwary humans who cross the property line.
Marvin: “Our office is having a pornography contest!”
Mary Worth – Given we’re in the early stages of a bid flu epidemic that is partly responsible for increases in egg prices, affects poultry, and now is in dairy farms, Dawn sitting out animal products for a season probably isn’t a bad idea. Wilbur will collect a myriad of diseases while interviewing the hurricane survivors, then going to Mexico and stay at a cheap and unsanitary resort. It won’t kill him, of course, but due to the massive, traumatic weight loss, Wilbur will feel more fit than ever.
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith – The Smiths themselves have had vegan diets before, though not by choice, but because there have been slim pickings in the chicken thieving market.
Marvin – Due to the march of time and comics being in the ever-present now, Marvin’s parents are Millennials, so they were there when the first phones taking decent pictures hit the market.
To look are Jeff’s first few iPhones you would have found a snapshots typical of his generation: His first selfies (which given his huge nose, took time to get right). Pictures out with his friends in college, and his early adulthood seeing shows. His first days in the office at his new job, and moments like office parties and celebrating professional achievements. His dates with Jenny, (and later, some saucy shared nudes). He even had a few folders on his phone of curated memes for each social grouping.
But then came Marvin. Then everything became Marvin. Their social life is absent because of Marvin. Their date nights? Can’t go anywhere because of Marvin. Family events? Always with, and center around Marvin, no matter where or who the event should be for. Even the various invasive algorithms for apps Jeff approves without reading the terms of service see only a world centered on Marvin.
Jeff cannot read yet another story about how Millennials (and now, scarily Gen Z, which Jeff is closer to than Gen X) aren’t’ having kids, and rather than feel sad about the despair of his generation, he can’t help but look at their lives and wonder wistfully “What if?”
MW: “Well, dear, sawdust shouldn’t be a problem for you.” (The author of this post is unsure whether this would be a passive-aggressive or genuine response)
BGSS: “Aw. Now people will think we’re cannibal hillbillies.”
Marvin: I’m gobsmacked the “joke” was something other than Jeff not being able to win because his kid is anti-photogenic.
MW – boy, I hate that stupid expression on Dawn’s face – SO like dadda Wilbur’s. Eminently punch a. ble…..And is it a good idea to just plunge into a vegan diet?
Sure the increasingly common closeups of modern Mary Worth may be due to a combination of the artist’s personal style and the diminishing size of printed newspaper comic strips, but its equally likely that today’s second panel is from Mary’s point of view as she aggressively thrusts her face towards Dawn.
She snarls through lips curled in disgust: “You WILL eat my brick of canned salmon casserole or you’ll be buried under the new garden feature.”
Luann: Frank’s all, “Dammit! I had kids so I could harvest their organs. I obviously didn’t raise you to be productive adults.”
CS: I hope Batiuk’s “Gift of the Asshole” becomes a Christmas standard.
9CL: Understandable on Edda’s part. It’s the only action she gets.
MW — I’m pretty sure Dawn doesn’t really know what “vegan” means–she just heard some of the cool kids at Santa Royale CC identifying as such. My Dinner With Weston will consist of the customary salmon squares/splak/muffin menu and the conversation will spiral around to Dawn’s love life. No stars.
BG&SS — Can Loweezy cook anything other than soup/stew in that cauldron? Snuffy should be happy that she’s washed it out after the eye of newt preparation.
FC: I’m giving Dolly the W here. That’s way more than Luann could accomplish at her current physical age.
@Charterstoned:
The Hawking radiation at the event horizon of the Wilbur Hole involves actual hawking.
MW – Tomorrow, we’ll see Mary exiting SUPERMARKET with celery, a giant baguette and a can of New, Plant-Based SPLAK poking out the top of her shopping bag.
MW: “Yes, I has cereal without milk! Dad forgot to buy a
MW: “Yes, I had cereal without milk! Dad forgot to buy any and I don’t know how.”
MW: Mary learns Wilbur left town? Didn’t he spend and entire week telling her he was doing just that, before he even told his own daughter?
In any case, it’s wise of Dawn to start experimenting with veganism when her dad isn’t around. You just know Wilbur would resent anything that interrupts his daily barbecue rib delivery and would trick Dawn into eating a hamburger by claiming it’s “one of those new plant-based patties” out of spite.
MW: In a difficult and depressing time, a ray of light pierces the darkness with the words “Wilbur left town.” Thank you, Moy and Bridgman.
@astroboy:
MW – Tomorrow, we’ll see Mary exiting SUPERMARKET with celery, a giant baguette and a can of New, Plant-Based SPLAK poking out the top of her shopping bag.
Are you implying her bloomers will be down around her ankles?
@Hibbleton: He’s malnourished because it’s been too long since he’s stolen either a chicken or an egg!
MW:
“The irony of this dietary choice, Mary, is of course that Dad is pure animal fat.”
GT: The Milford football team stares down into the abyss that this strip has become.
MW: “. . . And your great home cooking! Which I completely reject now. So you have about two hours to learn how to cook a delicious vegan meal. Don’t disappoint me or I’ll tell everyone what a lousy hostess you are.”
CS: They’re doing this on purpose just to screw with him because they hate his guts. Well done, band!
JP – Ann’s been hiding in Alan’s photography room, and she’s definitely been using that enlarger we see in the background on her boobs. That’s some Thel Keane level jutting she’s got going.
@A Grave Mind: It’ll all be OK. At least until Mary’s brain locks at the food co-op when she has to choose between Tofu Splak!, Tempeh Splak!, and Seitan Splak!
C’shaft: Now that the Divalings are in their school bands I’ve come to have a new appreciation for the final scene in The Music Man, where Harold Hill leads his phony boys’ band in a barely recognizable rendition of “Minuet in G” to the delight of the listening parents, because it’s their child out there playing his absolute best and they couldn’t be prouder. I’ve also come to have a new hatred for Harry Dinkle and his sadistic mean-spirited cruelty, something that seems designed to kill any budding passion for the arts in its cradle.
Dustin: A better and more character-accurate punchline would have been “Now turn that off, I want to watch the game.”
Luann: “Frank, I can’t believe you’d be so selfish! We both agreed that you would get to harvest Brad for his organs, and I would get Luann!”
Phantom: Good to know that the Phantom punches indiscriminately across race and class lines.
Dawn wants only ethical food to consume. Mary can no longer enjoy food without the taste of cruelty and the suffering of others. How will she resolve this wacky conflict? Eating Dawn is the obvious solution, but Dawn isn’t self-aware enough to feel suffering. It’s quite a conundrum for our eldritch abomination protagonist.
@TheDiva:Luann: “Frank, I can’t believe you’d be so selfish! We both agreed that you would get to harvest Brad for his organs, and I would get Luann!”
“But Nancy, he’s a firefighter now and I don’t like broiled liver!”
Fifty years ago today scandal-plagued Democrat Wilbur Mills was forced to agree to step down from his powerful post as Chair of the House Ways and Means Committee, and labor leaders were concerned about losing jobs overseas under a trade bill proposed by Republic Senator James Buckley. Meanwhile Wes reveled in his secure and powerful post as hall monitor in Funky Winkerbean.
Pluggers are suffering from terrible kidney and heart disease and have heard the medical terminology enough times that they’re able to repeat it. That’s pretty morbid even for Pluggers.
Side Note: Would it be worse to have the name Sheldon which everyone automatically associates with the character from The Big Bang Theory or the last name Cheney which everyone automatically thinks of the hated former VP and his hated daughter
MW: And so begins the long awaited LGBT(etc) storyline. Now that Dawn, the well known ‘man-eater’ has become vegan, Mary will feel free to unleash her long suppressed sexual desire towards trophy wife Toby.
Curtis appears to have Vitiligo! That’s would have made for a much more interesting story than “Curtis is too much of a disgusting slob to wash his face or hands after eating barbecue sauce”
MW: And once again, we’re left to wonder where this is going:
1. Has Dawn met a new guy that is also a vegan, but it’ll turn out he’s horrible in some way?
2. Are we going to disparage the vegan diet in a “Pluggers” crossover?
3. Is it going to be mind-numbingly boring and pointless regardless?
I vote 3. I hate this strip.
love is… realizing you have an alien inside you.
Mary Worth: I’m sure the featureless white paste Mary produces every time she’s depicted as cooking in this comic is vegan enough.
Snuffy Smith: The whole “hahaha look at these stupid poors” aspect of Snuffy Smith is a prime example of the tendency for newspaper comics to become stuck in some kind of time warp representing the time they first began publishing. Jokes like this were probably seen by the strip’s target audience of well-off lowlanders as bitingly topical during the Great Depression – the time when Snuffy was introduced to the comic and took over as it’s main character – but now it’s nigh-incomprehensible since the Smiths are living like some kind of pioneer family in the year of our Lord 2024, when even the poorest of families even in regions like here in Appalachia can afford things like cellphones. The aforementioned Great Depression was close to a century ago now, and the current writer/artist of the comic – John R. Rose – wasn’t even alive for it, having been born in 1962. Snuffy Smith as a comic is now some kind of strange portal into the 1930s, a dreamlike vision of the kind of cliches and stereotypes that could be found in that era.
Marvin: It says a lot about this comic that even when it’s trying to do something wholesome, it mostly just comes off as everyone involved being utterly miserable at best.
Hi and Lois: “I’m adding a holiday photo filter to all the unsolicited dick pics I’m sending out”
Baby Blues: If your kids are old enough to know the word “alias” they are probably old enough to figure out Santa Claus
Dustin: “You should be sitting alone in your bedroom jerking off because you are so repulsive to women”
Family Circus: “Our kindergarten has a band for some reason”
Beetle Bailey: He and Sarge are on a break and meeting new people.
Hagar the Horrible: Reminds me of a George Carlin joke about how when they catch a serial killer the media always reports he was a loner. “Of course he was a loner, he killed everyone who came close to him”
Dawn realizes Mary suddenly looks stern. She glances down, and sees that Mary is stirring muffin batter, outdoors. Without breaking eye contact, Mary cracks two eggs into the mix.
Rex Morgan M.D. Spanish to English.
MW:. Vegetarian meals take some planning. Vegan meals, for newbies, take LOTS of planning. First one should be a green salad vinaigrette, entree is a stew of brown rice, lentils with garlic and olive oil. Fruit as dessert. Further vegan meals will require Marys doing research.
FRAZZ:. Why use trains in story problems? 1) kids think trains are exciting. 2) trains can go in same direction or opposite directions, 3) kids don’t know enough about them to come up with interference like car on the tracks or tunnel closed.
JP:. Rude of April to say they’re all caught up before she gives Ann an opportunity to speak about room’s being bugged or assasin’s waiting to kill her.
Marvin: Marvin’s dad and his office buddy have discovered the greatest work innovation in history: cans of beer that emit little puffs of steam so it looks like you’re drinking hot coffee. If Hi and Thirsty discover this product, it’ll be the last sober morning Thirsty ever has. (Which is a little more sad than funny, but drama also counts as entertainment!)
MW:. True, no salmon squares or egg-enhanced muffins. But glop is not only allowed but welcomed (I often have it on meatless Mondays.) Next day, Dawn begins all-meat diet.
@Sequitur:
“But with a Medicare Advantage plan, you may be eligible for many benefits not offered by Medicare Parts A and B. These may include dental coverage, rides to the doctor’s office, free haircuts, monthly lawn care, free engine tune-ups and wheel alignments, Hulu streaming service, discounts at Stabucks, and much more! AND they’ll put money back into your Social Security check! And all this is apparently available at no cost to you, or at least they never mention anything about it. One would be a fool, as it were, to pass up this fantastic offer!”
MARVIN: The photography contest was then cancelled after the boss was sued for sexual harassment for unauthorized solicitation of dic pics.
MW: Dawn has the patience and willpower of her father so I wouldn’t be surprised to see her smuggling a Quarter Pounder (with cheese!) by the end of the week. Hell, the girl can’t even afford a proper haircut because Big Daddy Mayo spends his lucrative salary as a newspaper columnist on trips to Cancun while she’s been a community college co-ed for decades instead of going to an actual university.
MW: What, you’re a vegan! Then forget about dinner at my place! I don’t break bread with commies! Next thing you’ll be wanting me to listen to that America hater folk music!
FG: Looks like Flash will be doing some heavy lifting before the day is over.
Luann: When you think about those chore IOUs, would anybody in their right mind give Luann one hour of free access to their houses?
Pluggers: Pluggers are old, diseased meat sacks kept alive by big pharma #17,849.
That being said, we’re going to be spared Wilbur in a Speedo (let’s not kid ourselves; he wouldn’t actually be interested in hurricane victims) and follow his vapid, self absorbed spawn in her “wacky adventures” since we still don’t know what happened in Connecticut (but it’s totally not her fault!).
9CL: This is the guy Edda ecstatically pictures sitting in the audience, leering at her in her frilly undies. Ol’ Sergei looks like he’d be more in character peeping through her bathroom window while she poops. Get help, Brooke.
JP: “How dare you! Get out of my tiny darkroom this instant!”
Luann: Frank made sure to breed two offspring. If he ever suffers renal failure he plans on harvesting a kidney from each of them. (Thanx & a tip o’ the hat to The Venture Brothers)
@Ukulele Ike: Frank also has a steady supply of clones at bay because it’s easier to have children around than to invest in being a good father. We’re on our third or fourth Brad by now while they’ve stopped counting the Luanns after it went past triple digits.
MW: “When Mary learns that Wilbur left town…” She already knew when he’d leave, right? I hope this is weeks later and Mary forgot all about it.
BGSS: When your only cookware is a cauldron, there are bound to be leftovers for a good while.
Marvin: “To be clear, when they said you can’t submit any pictures of your kids, they actually said ‘Jeff’ and ‘his’ instead of ‘you’ and ‘your.'”
@Needless Exposition: Frank’s also got cartons of Puddles in the closet ready to go whenever Luann breaks the current one.
Mudge preference poll:
The art of the new Gil Thorp or Nickolodeon’s use of animated “The Simpsons” characters on Sunday Night Football?
When “normal” comics characters knock on the wrong door.
MW: Splak is vegetarian. Splak is vegan. Splak is made from rocks, ground fine.
@RogerBW: Splak! is a floor wax AND a dessert topping!
@85 RogerBW:
I thought it was oat hulls and wheat chaff.
Heath: Yes, what would encourage people to go to the MEAT store (I’m assuming there’s some whimsical reason why Gallagher avoids the word “butcher”) more than the sight of living meat cuts with arms and legs wearing jaunty hats?
MW: My hope is that Moy has been gently remonstrated with regarding her previous portrayal of vegetarianism as a weird cult comprising liars and idiots, and this storyline will be her attempt to make amends. My expectation is the exact opposite of that.
RMMD: Wait, Bitten Mugger is being dumped at Glenwood Hospital? But … that’s the exact hospital where Rex is treating Merle! Goodness, I wonder if that’s going to go somewhere!
S4th: It’s amazing how quickly I got sick of this town that Ces wants to be unironically idyllic and vaguely sinister at the same time.
MW: Mary “learns” Wilbur left? Did she forget she just got finished talking with him about that very thing? Will she forget to write his column?
Inviting Dawn to dinner immediately reminds me of when some friends going on a trip asked me to take their young adult son out to dinner one evening during their several-day absence. They were barely out of the driveway when he texted me about going to Taco Bell.
“I started a vegan diet today” says Dawn as she stares off into the middle distance “I always start a vegan diet when dad’s away and then stop when he gets back. Can I tell you a secret, Mary? deep down in my heart of hearts I think I actually am a vegan. Father would never allow it though. you’ve seen him eat. surely you understand.”
To be fair, watching Wilbur scarf down cheeseburgers and milkshakes would turn me off animal products too. And men. Looking forward to Dawn announcing tomorrow “I also started a lesbian lifestyle today.”
sixchix –
“I hope this email never finds you. I hope you have escaped. I hope you are free.”
MW: I can predict with certainty where Wilbur is headed on his journey for recharging: Japan. “Rabbit,” you might say, “you always think you know so much!” But I can prove it with geometric logic. Unfortunately, those with sensitive stomachs may wish to procure a wastebasket before reading this quote from The Week.
A Japanese convenience-store chain debuted a new thirst quencher: drinkable mayonnaise. “A long-awaited new product for mayonnaise lovers,” Nomu Mayo apparently offers “the richness and sourness of mayonnaise reproduced in a chilled beverage.”
As soon as this word reaches Wilbur, he’ll be grabbing his passport and calling All Nippon Airways for the next plane out.
@jenna: Now, now, Mary can’t tolerate anyone in her
cultcondo who isn’t a WASP let alone deviating from her plan to make Dawn into Ian’s next wife once Toby shows a wrinkle or no longer has a working liver.@White Rabbit: Wilbur would be the very definition of the Ugly Gaijin.
@Needless Exposition:
I would expect Japan to undertake a nuclear weapons program. And who could blame them, really? After such an insult?
@White Rabbit: Drinkable mayo has been around for years — Ranch dressing!
Don’t put ice in your glass; you wouldn’t want to water it down.
@Horace Broon:
#88 RMMD:. Isn’t that the same hospital where Renee McScammer lies in traction? Hope we get to check in on him!
@93 White Rabbit:
Ah, yes. Baja Gaijin reported this on the 2nd of December
@UncleJeff:
Simpsons all day.
FG: King Jugrid: “Seriously, a combat challenge? I’m fourteen years old, Chief Kala! Do you know how old that is in People Years?!?”
@Sequitur: Ah, yes. Baja Gaijin reported this on the 2nd of December
Well, who else? I might have known.
@Mountain Mama:
Hey, Mountain Mama, how’s it going? Haven’t heard from you in a while!
@Violet: It’s going all right. Got back to West Virginia in 2022–good to be home. How are you?
@White Rabbit: And it’s good that Baja Gaijin abandoned the adjective Baka – Wilbur’s gonna need it!
@Violet:
I’m doing pretty well, thanks! So you had moved away?
Don Abundio, translated:
“Juan will be playing golf with us”
“But… Doesn’t he annoy you with his…”
“… theatrical antics?”
“Yes, but today we’re playing for money”
“and his costumes always interfere with his aim”
@Peanut Gallery:
Nunca lleves una espada a un partido de golf.
I can see the appeal of today’s Snuffy Smith, it actually has a joke.
I’m on the fence about today’s Marvin, because it’s not really a joke but more of a joke-like situation. The punchline is “Marvin’s dad doesn’t have any photos on his phone that aren’t Marvin” and that doesn’t really contain much comedic content.
I am, as always, baffled by the appeal of today’s Mary Worth, and have no idea how it has survived this long, being typically a series of generally humor-free conversation fragments that demands you actually pay attention to storylines that last weeks and months at a time.
@Violet: To Kansas. She had to change her handle to “Boring Flat-Ass Land Mama” for a couple years there, interspersed with “What the Fuck is Up with All this SKY in the Sky Mama.”
Thank god she’s home!
@Ukulele Ike:
Yes, that must have been quite harrowing!
April doesn’t care who’s hiding in Judge Parker’s basement. This is her ticket out of suburbia, and she’s going to use it. If people get killed as she smuggles Ann to a safe house in Azerbaijan, the more the merrier. The party has started!
@108 Violet:
Sí, podrías cortarte las bolas accidentalmente.
FG:. This is not how mediation works, Sharkman. In advance, all parties agree on rules and sign a contract. A mediator for disputes is indeed a good idea, but the mediator must be neutral, paid equally by each party, and accepted by each party. Jugrid should say “No way” to last minute terms.
@Violet, @Sequitur: If you accidentally use your sword instead of your club, people will call you a hacker.
MW: “In fact, I haven’t actually had any vegan food yet, but I like the sound of it. Can you make some? I was wondering where to get it.”
FG: I’m getting Vladimir Putin.vibes from bare-chested Chief Kala.
@Midtown: The Shark Men look like giant penises. Come to think of it, so does Vlad.
Of course Putin is much shorter than Chief Kala, and somewhat less green.
@115 Peanut Gallery:
Only if it’s a machete.
I dunno, Mary has been serving casseroles of Soylent Beige(tm) for decades, and it….MIGHT be vegan? Who can say?
FC: Mommy, I asked Mr. Dinkle what to do with these sticks. He said put them where the sun doesn’t shine. Does that mean our basement?
FG: Jugrid pulls a dewclaw while warming up and has to send in a substitute. Now who could possibly volunteer? Also, does a shark man have to move forward constantly in order to breathe? Only time will tell!
FG: Tomorrow Kala breaks into the 1938 Count Basie tune, Sent For You Yesterday and Here You Come Today.
Marvin: Did management specify that you can’t submit photos of your private parts. If they didn’t I’m sure they’ll soon wish they had.
MW: Dawn’s going vegan too? Man, everyone wants to get into Keith Hillend’s daughters pants.
9CL: Any husband outside of Amos would have already decamped to the couch in order to get at least a couple hours’ decent shuteye.
C-Shaft: Hey, anytime Harry Dinkle, World’s Greatest Bandleader wants to start giving actually useful instruction would be a good time.
Dustin: Dustdad is a self-insert character for the creators of Dustin, so lacking imagination sort of goes with the territory.
GT: This isn’t baseball, it’s football, so instead of “Who’s on first?” you’d have “Who’ll be first to come down with CTE?”
H&L: Since the majority of Chip’s texts will be sent to girls whose stocking he wants to stuff he’ll also be adding a little eggplant.
JP: At the moment Ann Parker thinks she’s jutting and she’s right, not that it’s a rarity in this strip.
Phantom: We spent what seemed like a century on “Mozz has predicted the Phantom’s downfall if he rescues Savarna and yeah, it’s totally still happening.” This was followed by a Transformer that Transformed itself into a crash test dummy that looked and talked like Not!Elon Musk. So if it’s just going to be an anthology comic of “How I got punched” from now on I guess things could be worse.
RMMD: You don’t HAVE to have a case of the fuglies to be a perp in RMMD, but it helps.
GA: Seriously, Evil Doll is explaining the alleged technology that powers her enemy’s flying saucer? Evil Doll, you have a lot to learn about psyching out the opposition.
@TheDiva: I will resist the temptation to rant again about the band director at my old high school, and will instead wish all the best to the Divalings. May their band experiences be joyous.
JP: Talk about a ginormous incentive to get out of the Parker house and hide literally anywhere else on earth. Being trapped into listening to April is a memorably-low point in life. (Well yeah, it’s true that I’m reading what April says, but I can quit. Any time I want to.)
@126 Poteet:
What I’m wondering about GA is who the hell uses D batteries anymore?
@Poteet: Being trapped into listening to April on a rapidly filling bladder, no less.
MW: Seeing as nothing Mary cooks is ever drawn as anything but a nondescript blob no matter what it is, I predict she’s going to be an excellent vegan chef.
@130 Artist formerly known as Ben:
She could April to piss off and then do it.
@Giant Pondering Otter: Plus you get to drink coffee out of beer cans.
BG&SS: Whatever slop Loweezy dishes out of that pot is still going to look far more edible than anything coming out of Mary Worth’s kitchen.
@Poteet: a case of the fuglies
____________________________
Isnt that what we were fighting at 11 during the “Star Bores Holiday Special”?
@134 Guillermo el chiclero:
Loweezy and Mary Worth got together to write the Appalachian/Southern California Cook Book. The opossum and poodle souffle is to die for. In other words, if you eat it you’ll probably die.
@Giant Pondering Otter: Our last departmental meeting had the opening activity of “share the last picture stored on your phone.” There were some beautiful landscapes shared. There were also some people who suspiciously didn’t share at all :)
The last few pics on my phone are not pictures but rather comics I downloaded to text to my sister.
Dirk Twacy: Nice Bob Newhart cameo!
@Artist formerly known as Ben: Dustdad is a self-insert character for the creators of Dustin
And that this is true is why I don’t read Dustin.
BG&SS If Loweezy keeps shaking whole clumps of corn starch into hot liquid she’s never gonna get that premiere Etoile Michelin.
@Artist formerly known as Ben: Transformer that Transformed itself into a crash test dummy that looked and talked like Not!Elon Musk.
Still kinda sad that that thing never got skull-punched.
@142 richardf8:
The Phantom knew better than to punch a robot. You can break a hand doing that.
@Sequitur: Hey, Magnus, Robot Fighter. Hero of our shiftless Gold Key Comics-reading 1960s youth.
@144 Ukulele Ike:
We’ll just have to see what the 237th Phantom will do in the year 4000.
@richardf8: Would’ve been fun.
Oh, crap. I forgot to leave this here for Baja.
@Ukulele Ike: #144: In my shiftless Gold Key Comics reading days I was more of a Doctor Solar-Man of the Atom fan. I also followed their Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea stories. The weird thing was that the comic book stories were far more interesting than the TV show episodes.
@Violet: I was living in Arizona when I discovered this blog. I took my handle in homage to my home state. :-D
@Violet: ROFL!