Metapost: Smoldering, patreonizing comments of the week and change
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Hello all! I have this week’s comment of the week for you, but before that … a couple of notes. A few of you inquired about my safety in the current LA wildfires. Fortunately, we are far enough away from the fires that I’m not worried unduly (though we do have go-bags packed); we know people who have evacuated and lost homes but for us personally, the worst thing is the oppressive atmosphere (literal and figurative) from all the smoke.
However! I will note that somewhere very far down on the list of bad things about this disaster is the fact that it has forced me to eat a certain amount of crow. You may recall that I mocked the realism of the August 2020 Funky Winkerbean storyline, claiming that we would never see anything like the scope of disaster as depicted in the strip, which depicted a wildfire that hit both West Hollywood and Malibu; I assumed this would require a continuous wall of flame across 30 miles of the Santa Monica mountains.
But I hadn’t considered another possibility: that we’d have two very wet winters followed by a very dry one, and then we’d get freak 100 mph winds that started apocalyptic fires in multiple places simultaneously.
Anyway! I’m sitting my ass down and learning, mostly because the air is so foul I don’t want to go outside.
Also! Unrelated! But! You may recall that I have a Patreon, which I set up years ago. I initially intended to use it for bonus content of some sort, but I never really came up with what that might be, which means a number of very nice people are simply giving me several dollars a month and getting nothing in return! Subsequently I set up my subscription services, which allow you to get an ad-free version of the site or an email version of each post, which made me feel all the guiltier about letting down my Patreon backers.
Well, anyway, I just recently realized that I could simply … also put every day’s post on my Patreon, available only to my backers there! So that’s what I’ve been doing for the past week and will do in the future: if you follow me on Patreon, an ad-free version of my daily posts will show up in your feed, and (depending on your preferences) will get emailed to you as well. If you already back me on Patreon, you may have noticed this already; if you haven’t, go on over to the site and check it out! And if you’re someone who has been contemplating subscribing to my posts but don’t feel like putting your credit card number into yet another website because that’s what you use Patreon for, well, good news! Go and sign up!
OK! Thanks for indulging me with all that. Now, it is time for your comment … of the week.
“Curtis really missed the opportunity to pivot the strip to be about a newly divorced dad who has to navigate raising two children and a new marriage to a chair that’s dubiously legal at best.” –Jake
And the runners up! Very funny!
“Those are all the Morgans’ friends in 2025. Did some focus testing, and Buck just wasn’t putting up numbers.” –Illoumalnati, on BlueSky
“Not a vegan, but my understanding is that someone who’s been vegan for a while and all at once scarfs a huge chunk of beef is likely going to throw it back up, so I’m disappointed Dawn didn’t do that here mid-makeout. It would have made the date at least a little interesting.” –Thrax
“Holy crap, Jughaid’s a watch hipster. Like any watch snob, he’d spit on a quartz piece despite the more accurate timekeeping. Unlike any other watch snob though, he’s also spit on anything with a wrist strap. Suck it up and get a Casio, kid. You’ll still get to hold your head high in the watch collector community, and many models have an alarm.” –Tabby Lavalamp
“Miss Prunelly laughs because she knows how Jughaid feels. She didn’t get what she wanted for Christmas either (a blouse that buttons up in the front for a change).” –TheDiva
“I’m loving that ‘JEFFY’ sweater. Obviously that eponymous melonhead can’t read it (especially upside-down) so I’m guessing that Ma and Pa made him wear it so they don’t mix him up with the dog.” –pugfuggly
“‘But I’m the voice of Milford sports!’ seems less like a plea for his job and more like an explanation. ‘If you had to cover those idiot kids trying to move balls up and down a field every night, you’d drink too!’” –BigTed
“Billy knows that they have all been living in a newspaper comic strip for 23,686 days. Jeffy knows, too. He just doesn’t care. Sometimes they draw him in a shirt with ‘JEFFY’ on it. Sometimes they don’t. Nothing matters. Better not tell Dolly and PJ, though. They aren’t ready.” –Mysterion
“Hungover golf Monday is the first three-day holiday of the year at Foofram industries.” –Hibbleton
“Somehow I’m just noticing that every declarative sentence in Barney Google and Snuffy Smith ends with two exclamation marks. The incorrigible thief Snuffy must have stolen them from Hi and Lois because ‘I brought the rum,’ said as you enter holding out a bottle of rum, is something that should be boomed out cheerfully. Not murmured in a hushed tone as if you’re afraid that Dot will wish you into the cornfield.” –matt w
“You know what? I actually want to express a certain degree of respect to Snuffy Smith in today’s strip. Imagine loving your life SO MUCH that a literal psychic could tell you that all she can see in your future is the same crap you’re already doing — and your genuine, knee-jerk response is to do a fist pump and cheer. Say whatever you want about that awful, filth-encrusted, illiterate criminal, but he’s sincerely living his best life. And that’s horrifying in its own way.” –Craig!
“Now, I’m not just any detective, Sam. I’m a Stylized Exposition Detective. That’s why my tie is hanging loosely from my shirt collar as if to suggest that I’ve been working all day running down tips, even though it’s early in the morning and my tie get-up should therefore be in pristine form!” –Bob Tice
“In most civilized countries, tucking your sleeveless sweater into your pants is grounds for divorce, if not execution by the Fashion Brigade.” –Chaze
“I can’t believe Bil said ‘fr***s’ and ‘kl***s’! It might have been fine in the 1970s, but times have changed! Time to cancel him!” –Ettorre
“It’s the goon’s cauliflower ear that really sells it. ‘He marked me for my sins, forever changing me and saving me from a life of crime. Then he whaled on my ear, just for the fun of it!’” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV
“Busty starlet is wearing a patch on her left buttcheek leaking a slow release of cocaine into her bloodstream. Hence the broad smile and why she’s not fallen asleep yet.” –Ukulele Ike
“On the sidewalks of Charterstone, Toby stands transfixed, struck by the realization: Dawn Weston is actually Superman. ‘No, Toby? No,’ says Ian. ‘We’ve talked about this. They’re just glasses.’” –Dan
“Hope isn’t everything, Dustin. You need to feel the lash of the whip.” –Lawyerbob
“The story of this date can serve as the basis of Wilbur’s next ‘I Shouldn’t Be Alive!’ column after he gets back! Is Dawn’s destination for this date somewhere on the other side of Kelrast Curve? But if Dawn can’t see just how good-looking Dirk is, then what’s the point in putting up with his company?” –seismic-2
“It was already evident that Dawn is too submissive in this relationship, no need to literally put her in a dog collar to drive it home.” –Philip
“Welp, that takes care Trixie. Who else’s day can I ruin with a single question? Maybe I’ll amble over to the Thurston house and ask Irma ‘Ugh! How can you be married that drunk loser?!’ That’ll rub her never-changing sham marriage in her face.” –jenna
“The complications that come with dating? Like what? When your significant other doesn’t love ‘Muddy Boots’ quite as much as you do? The boring douchebags of Glenwood have the most conflict-free romances ever seen in fiction. The closest thing this comic has had to relationship problems in years is when Truck sulked for fifteen minutes after spilling coffee in Wanda’s diner.” –jroggs
“I wasted a little time trying to see if I could imagine my mid-twenties son saying ‘Enjoy that empty nester status,’ then realized I couldn’t imagine anybody saying it.” –Rube
“Santa pants, Santa hat but black, sky-blue shirt, corduroy vest, Lime-green and black scarf, [squints] ice skate boots? …is his mom drunk or is the artist drunk?” –astroboy
“Since he’s our tech guy, we make him dress like a nerd. As a joke. He hates it, but who gives a shit, he’s a nerd skeleton.” –ectojazzmage
Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! You can get each day’s post ad-free via Patreon if that’s your style! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar! Thanks to all for your support and readership!
51 replies to “Metapost: Smoldering, patreonizing comments of the week and change”
“You may recall that I mocked the realism of the August 2020 Funky Winkerbean storyline”
Realism in ‘Funky Winkerbean’?
Batliuk actually right, about four-plus years ago? Okay, I’m ready to call 2025 a year and go back to bed.
Question though – with the time jump, did the wildfires occur in 2020, or were we bumped ahead by a few years? So maybe Tom Batiuk is actually a little late with his storyline?
Regardless, I am glad that you’re OK, and that you are prepared.
Glad Josh is okay and putting his Boy Scouts training (Be Prepared!) to good use. Way to go, Jake, and the Floaters. Long balls week here since it covers about 17 days.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
BeckoningChasm
December 25th, 2024 at 6:01 am Reply
Mary Worth’s gift is the most frightening facial expression I’ve seen in some time. Merry Christmas to everyone here.
astroboy
December 25th, 2024 at 8:02 am Reply
I’m glad to see that Mary Worth included the traditional Splak! casserole in her Christmas spread.
Charterstoned
December 25th, 2024 at 9:12 am Reply
MW: WTF? I am reasonably certain that the reference to a “Mary Christmas” is meant to eclipse the Virgin in favor of the Charterstone hag who simply doesn’t give out.
Horace Broon
December 25th, 2024 at 3:15 pm Reply
MW: Aha, I’ve just realised the real reason Dawn isn’t joining the Church of the Blessed Mary (No, Not That One) for dinner is because that would involve the creative team researching another vegan meal!
GarrisonSkunk
December 25th, 2024 at 2:34 pm Reply
Sex Organ V.D.”We can have sex? In the living room? While I watch my shows? And while I eat pastrami?” “Yes,Quinton, Merry Christmas!” “Baby, you’re the greatest!”
JP: Look, I’m not going to judge anyone for keeping the magic of Christmas alive, but Neddy and Sophie “Everyone needs to wake up now so we can see if Santa’s been!” Driver-Spencer are meant to be grown-ups, right?
Artist formerly known as Ben
December 25th, 2024 at 6:55 pm Reply
Neddy and Sophie…are meant to be grown-ups, right?
They are where it counts if you know what I mean and etc.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
jroggs
December 25th, 2024 at 11:56 pm Reply
GT: Is that a prison inmate uniform? When did this night in the drunk tank turn into a nickel at the state penitentiary?
MW: For crying out loud, can we learn anything about this person before we start getting force-fed reasons to hate them? How are we supposed to care about someone that we know nothing about? Oh, and this Dirk guy’s characterization is pretty awful, too.
astroboy
December 26th, 2024 at 5:28 am Reply
MW : Aaaand, with zero preamble, Dirk speeds straight off into Jerktown.
Cleveland Mocks
December 26th, 2024 at 5:50 am Reply
MW: “You’ll eat what I tell you to eat, capice?”
“Sure, Dirk. Whatever you say, Dirk. Ooooo, you’re so dreamy!”
richardf8
December 26th, 2024 at 8:44 am Reply
MW – What does she need to keep her strength up for? Please join us for a special episode on human trafficking.
MKay
December 26th, 2024 at 12:20 pm Reply
MW: Can’t accuse Dirk of hiding his true self in the beginning of the relationship. Unless this IS him putting up a good front, in which case, fun ahead!
I speak Jive
December 26th, 2024 at 9:36 am Reply
Mary Worth – No red flags here, nosiree.
Couldn’t Dawn insist on ordering something at least vegetarian? After the date is over she could look into getting a restraining order.
Dawn is obviously in the baby stages of veganism. Didn’t Keith Hillend’s not daughter and her boyfriend lecture everyone at dinner about eating meat?
Rex Morgan – I seriously love that T. Rex toy. I would incorporate it into my Christmas decor, setting it around with a Santa hat on its head.
Artist formerly known as Ben
December 26th, 2024 at 1:21 pm Reply
RMMD: Hope Michael has a lot of responsibility with that toy Galactus. Every week or so you have to feed it a model planet.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Poteet
December 26th, 2024 at 10:43 pm Reply
LUANN: It’s now obvious that Brad’s shirt should say something like “I can’t help it, sorry, I was dropped on my head as a baby.”
MKay
December 27th, 2024 at 2:52 am Reply
9CL: At least, a little chin will be introduced into the gene pool. That’s the least I can say, and I’ve said it.
Ukulele Ike
December 27th, 2024 at 6:16 am Reply
9CL: So, he got a boner and ejaculated right in Polly’s face. This is some good storytelling.
You have to keep drawing Blondie with his shirt off, Brooke. When his chest is covered he looks like a girl.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
The Quiet Man
December 27th, 2024 at 4:44 am Reply
Luann: We’re still talking about these stupid t-shirts? Never thought I’d ask this, but what’s Gunther up to?
jroggs
December 27th, 2024 at 12:31 am Reply
GT: Remember how Marty was supposed to be bombed out of his mind? You’d never know it from his behavior since reaching the county pokey. Add “alcohol inebriation” to the massive and ever-growing list of things Henry Barajas somehow understands absolutely nothing about. Why is he even still here if he’s sobered up? Why did they lock him up in his cell again to receive a visitor who’s likely here to give him a ride home? Seriously, what the fuck is any of this?
MW: Dirk is certainly a worthy new member of the Mary Worth Pantheon of Godawful Inhuman Dialogue and Mannerisms. Dude talks like he’s constantly coming down from a cocaine high and having to give himself a discreet bump every three sentences.
astroboy
December 27th, 2024 at 9:58 am Reply
I would recommend Dirk use his vaunted PR skills working for Big Roast Beef.
He’s already converted one vegan with barely any effort.
Arabella
December 27th, 2024 at 10:44 am Reply
MW: So Dirk is a used car salesman? Or is he the guy who drives cars in and out of the service bays? And it’s only part time, so he could still work as a personal bowling trainer. Or a gigolo.
Horace Broon
December 27th, 2024 at 10:48 am Reply
“That sounds fascinating, Dirk, tell me more!”
seismic-2
December 27th, 2024 at 11:02 am Reply
MW: “I graduated last year! I work part time…” And that says just about everything we need to know, doesn’t it? Obviously, he spends the rest of his time looking for lonely and desperate women to support him, and after all this time hanging out in the bowling alley he has finally landed one!
Boomer
December 27th, 2024 at 8:38 am Reply
Mary Worth:
“Ha Ha! One day I’m gonna use my public relation skills in the corporate arena! That’s right, Dawn — I’m gonna be a PR gladiator! With a shield and everything! Now lemme order you a red meat dessert.”
Artist formerly known as Ben
December 27th, 2024 at 3:10 pm Reply
MW: You can tell that the public relations field is in disrepair when the meatheads who study it bury the lede whenever anyone asks them about it.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
jroggs
December 28th, 2024 at 5:32 am Reply
Luann: From what I have gleaned, Brad and Toni’s offputting 7th-grader sexual banter is the main cause for why Josh (and many others) stopped talking about Luann. They’re not as prominent in the series as they used to be, but whenever they do reappear, it’s a Punxsutawney Phil-esque moment where they once again emerge only to reenact their childish erotic quipping, signaling another six years of cultural winter in American comics.
Ukulele Ike
December 28th, 2024 at 12:46 pm Reply
Luann: Brad took “boudoir pix” of his bride during their honeymoon, because he’s just that classy. I wonder how many of them ended up tacked to the firehouse bulletin board.
Only Here For The Ads
December 28th, 2024 at 9:00 am Reply
Luann:
“Wait’ll you see the photo I put on my shirt.”
“… annnnd, right back out of the mood again.”
JP: “I don’t want to talk about Glen. How are things going with Hank?”
“I don’t want to talk about it. How’s school?”
“I don’t want to talk about it. How’s your screenwriting going?”
“I don’t want to talk about it. How did your summer internship go?”
“I don’t want to talk about it. How’s your separation from Declan going?”
“I don’t want to talk about it. How’s Lucas doing?”
“I don’t want to talk about it. How are Ronnie and Kat doing?”
“I don’t want to talk about it. How’s your kidnapping trauma doing?”
“I don’t want to talk about it. How’s your… uh… car?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“…This non-conversation would be really boring to read in a comic, huh?”
“Tell me about it.”
Liam
December 28th, 2024 at 3:03 am Reply
MW-“If my father tried something like this women would slap him and file restraining orders but not you. You’re handsome.”
MKay
December 28th, 2024 at 3:51 am Reply
MW: “And, now that we’ve established what you will and will not eat, Dawn, let’s discuss your wardrobe.”
“Eeeee! He’s SO good looking!!”
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
GarrisonSkunk
December 28th, 2024 at 10:29 am Reply
The Familliar Mucus: Mickey Mouse is enjoying Thel’s sideboob just a little too much for my tastes.
Guillermo el chiclero
December 28th, 2024 at 1:17 pm Reply
FC: Thel is jutting from both and back today.
TheDiva
December 28th, 2024 at 7:01 am Reply
Pluggers are trying to use a New Mexico state map to find their way through Virginia.
Liam
December 29th, 2024 at 3:23 am Reply
MW-Interesting how friend is in quotation marks.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
The Quiet Man
December 30th, 2024 at 5:16 am Reply
JP: Show of hands, who thought at first the dialogue in Panel 2 was coming from the pair who’s actually centered in the frame and thought Alan had come to see Ann dressed up like the Unabomber?
Cleveland Mocks
December 30th, 2024 at 7:38 am Reply
JP: You’re allowed one hug per prison visit? Is copping a feel allowed?
MW: When Dirk sees Dawn in those glasses, he recoils. “Hey, look, I’m sorry, but I cannot be seen with you. You were already a little iffy in the looks department, but this is too much. I’ve got an image to uphold. See ya, Donna. Diane. Whatever.”
Little Guy
December 30th, 2024 at 4:51 am Reply
MW: Tomorrow… “You’re wearing glasses?” *takes them off her* “You’re too pretty to wear glasses.” “But not I can’t see!” “You don’t need to see — you’re a pretty girl!” *grabs her by the forearm* “I’ll be your glasses!”
Place your bets: Mary condemns or condones?
TheDiva
December 30th, 2024 at 8:14 am Reply
MW: Dawn, if everything else about you hasn’t turned him off, why would this?
Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
December 30th, 2024 at 10:04 am Reply
MW — I generally find glasses to be HOT on college-aged ladies. The jury is still out on this case, though.
Another MW point — Dawn, by radically shifting her diet from vegan to meat and back in the course of strip time, she should be farting up a storm right about now…
I speak Jive
December 30th, 2024 at 9:57 am Reply
Mary Worth – Dawn is going for the s3xy librarian look. Well, the librarian look.
Could the “allergies” be a reaction to eating meat after being on a vegan diet? We don’t know how long Dawn was following it, or how committed she was.
Or maybe she’s allergic to Dirk’s sperm.
Stacker
December 30th, 2024 at 6:50 am Reply
MW: I’m hoping for a Dorothy Parker quote tomorrow!
Baffled in Buffalo
December 30th, 2024 at 12:01 pm Reply
@Stacker:
“Asses don’t make passes at vegans with glasses” ?
Liam
December 30th, 2024 at 2:35 am Reply
MW-Tomorrow Dawn decides not to wear her girdle. Wednesday she loses her wig.
Daisy
December 30th, 2024 at 9:56 am Reply
@Liam: #263
MW: …Thursday her dentures fall out…
Uncle Lumpy
December 30th, 2024 at 10:50 am Reply
@Liam; @Daisy:
Girdle, wig, glasses, dentures … Dawn transforms into Wilbur one prosthesis at a time.
Liam
December 30th, 2024 at 2:35 am Reply
FC-“So many dregs of society,” Dolly says with a shudder.
jroggs
December 29th, 2024 at 11:15 pm Reply
FC: “We rode the bus! It was really neat crawling under all the seats! I even found this lollipop!”
I speak Jive
December 30th, 2024 at 9:52 am Reply
FC – A hint about how old this one is: Dolly is wearing a half hat. I recall discussing half hats here years ago. I wore them in the 1950s; I’m wearing one in a photo from Easter 1959.
I looked them up and learned that they were very popular in the 1950s. Current images show visors.
Jef couldn’t be bothered to update Dolly’s hat with something from this century.
Dr. Pill
December 30th, 2024 at 10:32 am Reply
@I speak Jive: FC: Special today! Half-off half-hats for halflings.
I speak Jive
December 30th, 2024 at 12:11 pm Reply
@Dr. Pill: A half hat for a half assed half wit.
Guillermo el chiclero
December 30th, 2024 at 3:55 pm Reply
FC: Daddy, I even got to set a homeless person on fire!
FC: Daddy, a nice man even offered me a hit of his MD 20/20!
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Artist formerly known as Ben
December 29th, 2024 at 3:29 pm Reply
RMMD: Either Morgan men talk very slowly or the boys just built a snowman in about 20 seconds.
2+2=7
December 30th, 2024 at 6:55 am Reply
REX MORGAN M.D: I love the look the blonde kid is giving his “brother” after their inane conversation, where you know he’s thinking “I’m going to be the ‘Billy’ to your ‘Jeffy’, aren’t I?”
Myrtle
December 30th, 2024 at 9:35 am Reply
RMMD: These guys need to work on their act – they’re no Shorty and Beanpole. I wonder what Jordan and Michelle are up to. How is Kelly in her first year at college? Are Tildy and the Count okay? There are plenty of boring characters to re-visit without adding * new* boring characters
Horace Broon
December 30th, 2024 at 9:57 am Reply
RMMD: I love Blond Not-Twin in panel 2, clearly thinking “Wait, am I the smart one? I don’t think I’m qualified to be the smart one.”
Moy’s dildo
December 30th, 2024 at 9:32 pm Reply
MW – I think Dawn hears words and tries to be them until it’s inconvenient. “Ooh, vegan didn’t work. I know, I’ll tell Dirk I’m a lesbian, whatever that is. He’ll think I’m cool!”
jroggs
December 31st, 2024 at 4:28 am Reply
MW: I have no idea whether this is supposed to be friendly teasing or cruel abuse. Let’s just call it terrible writing.
Where’s Rocky?
December 31st, 2024 at 4:46 am Reply
MW. Dawn is drawn to insensitive, even abusive, jerks. Wonder what significant male figure in her childhood and adolescence caused that?
Ukulele Ike
December 31st, 2024 at 9:33 am Reply
MW: Screw you, Sexy Librarian works for her. And what’s with the necktie at a New Year’s Eve party? Are you a 58-year-old CPA? NERDBOY
Liam
December 31st, 2024 at 2:20 am Reply
December 31
MW-Dawn was only bullied because she was mistaken for her father.
RMMD-The kids can’t handle their liquor.
Artist formerly known as Ben
December 31st, 2024 at 2:28 pm Reply
RMMD: You know you’ve made it in this country when the ends of your couch can only be seen in IMAX ratio.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
TheDiva
December 31st, 2024 at 7:50 am Reply
GT: Anyone named “Peaches McClure” has to be involved in sex work somehow.
Cleveland Mocks
December 31st, 2024 at 2:32 pm Reply
GT: Um, Henry, real people say “around 3:30,” not “around 3:32.” Sheesh.
jroggs
December 31st, 2024 at 4:28 am Reply
GT: Oh yeah, Marty was nuts about Peaches. He used to go bananas about all the hell they’d end up raisin’ on their dates. They’d even fill their sneakers with dollar bills and not give a fig who made fun of their cashews.
Luann: Wow. Wow. What kind of absolute scumbag hangs on to receipts for gifts and unjudgingly hands them over so that the gift recipient can go exchange the gift for something they’d prefer? You’d have to be the lowest of the low to do such a thing to someone. The only good thing about Brad is that he’s a firefighter, because maybe he’ll die in a burning building and finally do some good for once in his miserable life. (Sarcasm aside, yes, this is actually how the Trufanns are responding to today’s strip. Luann called Brad a jerk for this, and the queen can never be wrong.)
2+2=7
December 31st, 2024 at 6:26 am Reply
LUANN: “He could have given me a real present….like a t-shirt with a picture of his junk on it! Jerk!” (That, by the way, is a sign that Brad has matured over the years. The always observant and trustworthy Trufans said so and everything.)
Ukulele Ike
December 31st, 2024 at 9:33 am Reply
9CL: Juliette just dropped in from New Hampshire, a six-hour drive, to watch her granddaughters fuck.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
TheDiva
January 1st, 2025 at 8:18 am Reply
Happy 2025! (It probably won’t stay that way, but hey, enjoy it while you can, right?)
JP: “So, are you anyone’s bitch yet?”
MW: Dawn went from “Don’t call me ‘Nerdgirl,’ I don’t like it!” to “Oh, he has the sweetest pet names for me!” in the time it takes for the Times Square ball to drop. Wilbur only wishes he could find a woman with this little self-respect.
Ukulele Ike
January 1st, 2025 at 8:35 am Reply
MW: Dirk, any gentleman knows the correct phraseology in this situation is “You make that dress look great!” Back to Boyfriend School with you.
I speak Jive
January 1st, 2025 at 9:04 am Reply
FC – Dolly looks like she’s recovering from the world’s worst hangover. Following in Mommy’s footsteps, I see.
Artist formerly known as Ben
January 1st, 2025 at 3:34 pm Reply
@I speak Jive:
Following in Mommy’s footsteps, I see.
HTT Grandma couldn’t have put it better.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
RMMD: Interesting who makes the cut for this picture and who doesn’t. Like, I guess Rex, for whatever reason, considers Buck as much a friend as anyone, but I never got the impression the Morgans were particularly close to Truck and Wanda; it’d make slightly more sense to have the Heywoods there. And I suppose Summer and Michelle are employees, and including them or their families would be giving them ideas above their station. (And poor Nikki, of course, is just the son of their long memory-holed receptionist and boyfriend of their current receptionist’s daughter, who’s also an occasional babysitter. He means nothing else to Rex whatsoever!)
Guillermo el chiclero
January 1st, 2025 at 11:05 am Reply
RMMD: Mud Mountain/Fergus isn’t in the group picture because he had a bathroom emergency.
Artist formerly known as Ben
January 1st, 2025 at 3:22 pm Reply
RMMD: Pretending to shit your pants is a serious offense in Rex’s world. Not something you can be forgiven for in just the space of a year or so. Hence the absence of MudFergus from the Morgans’ “friends.”
seismic-2
January 1st, 2025 at 2:45 pm Reply
RMMD: I’ll bet everyone here can hardly wait to spend the coming year with this bunch! But where are Aunt Tildy and the Count? And the Horrible Hanks? Personally, the story arc that I’m most looking forward to is the one where Shorty and Beanpole decide to become the new Homer and Jethro by incorporating Roots Country into their act!
Cleveland Mocks
January 1st, 2025 at 11:38 am Reply
RMMD: There’s Beanpole, but no Shorty. That’s too bad. He would have been a natural dressed in a diaper with a 2025 sash across his chest.
GT: The blond kid resolves to keep undergoing extensive cranial reconstruction surgery until his head doesn’t look like it was put together in the dark.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Liam
January 2nd, 2025 at 2:32 am Reply
FC-Billy forgot about a lot last night. He was rather drunk.
taig
January 2nd, 2025 at 7:05 am Reply
FC: Holy crap! Thel is awfully casual about Jeffy freezing to death on his tricycle!
Philip
January 2nd, 2025 at 5:54 am Reply
Gil Thorp – I’m surprised Marty Moon didn’t call one of the drunk driving attorneys that sponsors his local broadcast of high school sports.
Hibbleton
January 2nd, 2025 at 5:00 am Reply
GT: “Did you take Marty’s AA chip?”
Beth replies; “Maybe. When i roll a drunk, I don’t hang around going through the change.”
Little Guy
January 2nd, 2025 at 4:51 am Reply
GT: “Because I needed to complete my collection for eBay!”
ValdVin
January 2nd, 2025 at 8:28 am Reply
GT: Nothing says “romance is alive” more than interrupting the midnight New Year’s kiss to bring up Marty Moon falling off the wagon.
jroggs
January 2nd, 2025 at 4:33 am Reply
GT: The past thirty years have given rise to multiple leaps forward in the field of sexual self-discovery, but Gil Thorp remains on the cutting edge with its thoughtful handling of people who have to think about downward-spiraling middle-aged alcoholic men to get in an intimate mood.
MW: I don’t know what’s worst: Dawn’s delusional inner monologue, those upside-down exclamation point and/ or men’s restroom symbol earrings, Mary’s useless platitudinal bullshit, or the physics of how Mary is holding and using her computer. The one thing that is clear is that Moy and Brigman’s NYRs didn’t include improving at their respective crafts.
Charterstoned
January 2nd, 2025 at 4:42 am Reply
MW: As Dawn and Dirk share a post-coital snack of raw meat ripped from the haunch of a bawling calf, Dawn reflects on how her attitudes have changed since meeting Dirk. “I’m a changed woman!” she thinks, and sighs in dreamy satisfaction. having removed her thick glasses, she is unaware that Dirk is rifling her bag for drugs, cash, and a stick of chewing gum to freshen his breath.
2+2=7
January 2nd, 2025 at 5:16 am Reply
@Charterstoned: I think Dawn “had a snack of raw meat” in that backseat-of-the-car panel, if ya get my meaning.
Thrax
January 2nd, 2025 at 5:25 am Reply
Not a vegan, but my understanding is that someone who’s been vegan for a while and all at once scarfs a huge chunk of beef is likely going to throw it back up, so I’m disappointed Dawn didn’t do that here mid-makeout. it would have made the date at least a little interesting.
Ettorre
January 2nd, 2025 at 5:35 am Reply
The sad thing that Dirk feels the need to be such a dirkhead to enthral Dawn! No need to do complex negging and gaslighting, she has Wilbur as a father, her expectations about males are already terrible! Just jiggle the keys in front of her! That’s not a sex metaphor, but it could be!
But What Do I Know?
January 2nd, 2025 at 6:45 am Reply
MW — God knows I’m no fashion plate, but accessorizing with strips of blue tape on your ears might be why the other kids made some snarky comics. . . Oh, am I the bully?
Schroduck
January 2nd, 2025 at 6:48 am Reply
MW: Why are the speech bubbles so insistent about the exact formatting of ‘”NERDGIRL“‘? Does Dirk follow up each mention like “My beautiful “NERDGIRL“… (all capitals, boldface, with no space between the words and double quotation marks around)”?
Tom T.
January 2nd, 2025 at 12:24 pm Reply
MW: I like that Dirk thinks that Dawn is vegan because she can’t afford meat. After all, how many vegan women is he likely to have met while dating in Southern California?
MKay
January 2nd, 2025 at 9:43 am Reply
MW: What Dawn seeks actually IS inside her-she accidentally swallowed her contact lenses.
Cleveland Mocks
January 2nd, 2025 at 6:19 am Reply
MW: Yeah, that’s nice and all, Mary, but Angry in Denver merely asked Wendy what she should do about her lazy neighbor who never shovels his sidewalk.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Turk DandySequiturJanuary 2nd, 2025 at 9:36 am Reply
Zits Spanish to English.
“I really didn’t ask your mom to come over and strengthen up my room.”
“Look, now she’s headed to Hector’s house.”
Lauralot
January 3rd, 2025 at 5:06 am Reply
MW: I feel like this arc was meant to be Moy’s damage control for how vegans were portrayed in the Keith plot, but instead it just reads like aggrieved incel ranting about how women always go for jerks instead of “nice guys.”
astroboy
January 3rd, 2025 at 5:11 am Reply
MW – This would have worked a lot better if Dirk the Jerk wasn’t eating the exact same thing as Dishrag Dawn.
The Quiet Man
January 3rd, 2025 at 6:27 am Reply
JP: Mark my words, by Monday it’ll be ‘aaaaand so…’ and all change, probably to a storyline about
@astroboy: ‘We secretly switched Dirk’s bowl of shredded pork with shredded tofu! Let’s see if he can tell the difference…’
Daisy
January 3rd, 2025 at 7:49 am Reply
MW: “Dirk, you gorgeous hunk…just let me gaze into your perfect face, snuggle into your perfect arms, and you can say and do anything you want to me…*sigh* *swoon*…”
Dawn, I’m calling you “stupid.”
Philip
January 3rd, 2025 at 6:00 am Reply
Tina’s Groove – This strip ended in 2017 after 15 years, and this specific one is dated 2010, the year that Cathy ended. Cathy was focused on the office life and push for women into corporate America in the 1970s, but given the pandemic era shift in views of waitstaff as “essential workers”, Tina’s Groove could have been the Gen Y version of the script., with a rotating cast of boyfriend met via dating apps and social media channels. Though it still would have been hard to get newspaper to accept use of the term “Fuckboy” to really reach the intended audience.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
taig
January 3rd, 2025 at 6:43 am Reply
FC: It looks like Dolly is secretly eating the broken dish. Dolly, that is Jeffy’s shtick!
I speak Jive
January 3rd, 2025 at 10:00 am Reply
FC – Billy is washing the dishes? That’s wimmens work!
Dolly should be the one on washing duty. Crash! “Oops – that one was skippery.”
Rex Morgan – The big winner in the comics today is Jeffy Keane. Congratulations, Jeffy! You’re no longer the biggest imbecile in the comics.
TheDiva
January 3rd, 2025 at 6:53 am Reply
C’shaft: Great, now Batiuk is stealing jokes from novelty t-shirts.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
pugfuggly
January 3rd, 2025 at 5:49 am Reply
BGSS I think the only thing more improbable than a kid in moden day using a pocket watch is a kid asking for one. What else was on his chrstmas list? A shoehorn and a subscription to the Farmers Almanac?
Old School Allie Cat
January 3rd, 2025 at 8:49 am Reply
Snuffy Smith – Look, I love a good bespoke timepiece as much as the next young person, but I don’t know a school in the US that’s in session the week after Christmas. Unless they celebrate Confederate New Year in his state, which is some time in May. So, maybe that explains it.
Cleveland Mocks
January 4th, 2025 at 6:06 am Reply
JP: “I’m meeting with Sam. We’re working on your defense.”
“Um, no offense, Dad, but I think I’ll just keep my public defender.”
Dennis Jimenez
January 4th, 2025 at 7:38 am Reply
Blondie – Edgy strip today – Herb brags about his blowing capabilities and Dag returns plastered with jizz….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
MKay
January 4th, 2025 at 5:16 am Reply
GT: The realization that one is “the voice of Milford sports” is enough to trigger a binge.
BigTed
January 4th, 2025 at 5:16 am Reply
Gil Thorp: “But I’m the voice of Milford sports!” seems less like a plea for his job and more like an explanation. “If you had to cover those idiot kids trying to move balls up and down a field every night, you’d drink too!”
Pozzo
January 4th, 2025 at 5:02 am Reply
GT: I read that as “You reek of sin, Marty!”, which is pretty damn harsh (if no doubt deserved).
Artist formerly known as Ben
January 4th, 2025 at 4:10 pm Reply
GT: “We’re WDIG, you dig? And we depend on you to be our beatnik voice. But getting drunk for high school sports is squaresville, daddy-o! Save it for when you’re writing poetry.”
cheech wizard
January 4th, 2025 at 7:10 am Reply
GT – “But these kids get drunk after every game and usually come to school sloshed! Who’s going to speak for them?”
jvwalt
January 4th, 2025 at 9:50 am Reply
GT: In my experience, an AM radio station in a tank town is more likely to be headquartered in a quonset hut on the edge of town than a gleaming concrete-and-glass edifice.
pugfuggly
January 4th, 2025 at 5:05 am Reply
GT: I’m sorry Marty, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned from this strip it’s that there seems to be a vast media ecosystem reporting on every last high school sport event in Milford, for some reason. You can call yourself an ‘important’ or ‘prominent’ voice of Milford sports, but the voice? Get a grip.
FC: I’m loving that ‘JEFFY’ sweater. Obviously that eponymous melonhead can’t read it (especially upside-down) so I’m guessing that Ma and Pa made him wear it so they don’t mix him up with the dog.
Hibbleton
January 4th, 2025 at 4:42 am Reply
FC: Geoffrey replies; “The common people would say that, William.”
Tabby Lavalamp
January 4th, 2025 at 10:04 am Reply
Billy can never get lost because of the big dotted line that follows him everywhere. Jeffy, though… Jeffy they had to label like luggage.
Giant Pondering Otter
January 4th, 2025 at 4:46 am Reply
FC: It’s Bil (one L) Jeffy doesn’t even know his dead Father’s name. It’s even written that way in the signature…
Well, I would say that… if this wasn’t a repeat that Bil wrote himself 30 years ago.
GarrisonSkunk
January 4th, 2025 at 5:11 am Reply
LAW & ORDER: MELLONHEAD VERBAL CRIMES UNIT
Some Darnest things kids say are too cloyingly stupid for any brains other then those of the most Geritol™ infused grandmothers. That’s when the members of the MVCU take over.
(Boom boom) JANUARY 4th ,8:09 AM Keane Compound
Guillermo el chiclero
January 4th, 2025 at 11:23 am Reply
FC: But Grandma has a whole slew of names for Mommy, like slattern, trollop, lush, bimbo. Ain’t Mommy lucky to get so many names?
Bob Tice
January 4th, 2025 at 4:34 am Reply
FC:
“Jeffy, they say that the eyes are the window to the soul. But Daddy is not depicted as having eyes — only glass frames. What does that tell you about whether Daddy has a soul?”
Hibbleton
January 4th, 2025 at 6:24 am Reply
FC: Bil takes a clue from today’s Baby Blues and remarks to Thel; “About that college fund…”
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Myrtle
January 4th, 2025 at 8:42 am Reply
RMMD: Is this the preview for the coming year? I figured we’d be attending Truck and Wanda’s wedding, but what about some of the other semi-regulars? Like Jordan and Michelle. I’ve had Michelle in the death pool through Covid and a possible assassination attempt. I think my only hope now is for her to tragically die in childbirth.
Why do we have Parker without Beanpole? Will he be Truck’s Bestie at the wedding?
Daisy
January 4th, 2025 at 8:46 am Reply
I adore this blog!! From Josh’s commentary to the witty repartee right out of the gate from all of you it’s an endless buffet of sweet, salty, greasy and fattening treats! Thank you all! (Plus, where else can I possibly learn such arcane things as the physics of horsepower, word origins, weird rituals and ancient history and mythology in one place but here!!)
Now…the first thing that came to mind when reading “Mary Worth” was “Ha ha – I hope Dawn trips on a chair and tumbles to the floor with tablecloths and cutlery and scraps of food landing on her and Dirk the Jerk doubles over in laughter while calling her another stupid nickname like ‘Spazgirl’ “
I find that quite satisfying given how dumb this story and its characters are.
Professor Well Actually
January 4th, 2025 at 8:50 am Reply
MW: when will Dirk get around to insulting Dawn’s performance in bed?
LTJpezcore1
January 4th, 2025 at 9:08 am Reply
MW: Dawn is going to poop herself after that giant kale salad isn’t she
Hibbleton
January 5th, 2025 at 4:51 am Reply
H&L: Hungover golf Monday is the first three-day holiday of the year at Foofram industries.
A Grave Mind
January 5th, 2025 at 12:54 pm Reply
If you like pina coladas…
And your wives getting banged out by younger men at the Best Western near the mall, the one across the street from the Nissan dealership…
Okay, that was super lazy, but so is Hi and Lois
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Hibbleton
January 5th, 2025 at 5:48 am Reply
MW:
Mary’s ovaries:
“We’re complete in and of ourselves”
Dawn’s ovaries:
“These eggs aren’t going to fertilize themselves.”
Lofty CarrionSequiturJanuary 5th, 2025 at 5:50 am Reply
@23 Hibbleton:
Wilbur’s ovaries:
“What the hell am I doing here?”
Cleveland Mocks
January 5th, 2025 at 6:52 am Reply
MW: Mary appears to be risking a smack-down from the Decency in Media Commission by telling Wendy Askers to, um, take matters into their own hands.
I speak Jive
January 5th, 2025 at 9:20 am Reply
Mary Worth – What in the world is Mary blathering about? That’s not advice, that’s trying out for a job writing motivational posters that feature pictures of cats.
FC – Some day that flat screen TV on the floor is going to topple over on the melonheads.
Pluggers – I remember buying things with S & H Green Stamps, but I don’t remember what. When we first got married we had TV trays that we used as end tables, but we won them playing bingo. I’m sure that that’s as plugger qualifying as using the stamps.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Pozzo
January 6th, 2025 at 5:53 am Reply
So does “Marvin” (the strip) jump back and forth in time from pre-verbal to almost-literate (but always shitting) Marvin, or is Marvin (the character) a time traveller? At any rate, I’d be curious to know if the adult version of Marvin has to excuse himself from sales meetings because he’s just shit his pants.
BigTed
January 6th, 2025 at 6:20 am Reply
Marvin: If this school library is producing kids in diapers who can read and pronounce phrases like “Madagascar tortoise,” it must be doing something right. Of course, we’re not counting Marvin — he still hasn’t figured out what the hell a “velveteen rabbit” is. (P.S.: When I was trying to write “tortoise” I accidentally typed “toilet,” which I guess is just muscle memory when you’re making Marvin jokes.)
Mary Worth: Do we really think Dawn’s new jerkboy would call her, or even answer the phone, on the same night as their date / makeout sesh? I’m pretty sure this guy would go incommunicado for at least four days, then send her an 11 p.m. ” ‘sup?” text that came with a picture of his junk.
Little Blue Bicycle
January 6th, 2025 at 5:40 am Reply
MW: Why are Dawn and Dirk on the phone? Surely she went home with him. He must be in the shower.
Hibbleton
January 6th, 2025 at 5:15 am Reply
MW: And with the word “Nerdgirl,” Dirk will never know how close he was to having phone sex.
Charterstoned
January 6th, 2025 at 5:57 am Reply
MW: Her left breast is so perky, I’m thinking Dawn must have put her right boob in the bedside table drawer.
Banana Jr. 6000
January 6th, 2025 at 5:55 am Reply
FC: Bil Keane finds his purpose.
Buck Ripsnort
January 6th, 2025 at 5:57 am Reply
FC: This panel sent me on a fruitless google quest to see if Bil Keane got his start in the Saturday Evening Post, which would explain this clip art/AI “art” reference. Unfortunately, no. I HATE inadvertently learning things because of bad comic strips!
Tonio
January 6th, 2025 at 5:48 am Reply
The Jack Daniels box? Evidence that despite Bil’s pose as a straitlaced conservative suburbanite, he was once a leather-clad, hard-partying heavy metal bassist.
Daisy
January 6th, 2025 at 8:58 am Reply
FC: Thel: “Oh – that. That box goes with the one labelled “MOOGPH and GLEMPH.”
Unca Bob
January 6th, 2025 at 7:44 am Reply
FC- Who in the hell keeps a METAL trash can in their attic? For what reason? Most attic steps are narrow if you fill it up with trash how do you get it down and then lug it up again?? Or is it an heirloom?
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Hibbleton
January 6th, 2025 at 5:56 am Reply
B. Bailey: Good thing for Beetle, the General is so technologically illiterate he can’t figure who sent him the dick pic.
Lauralot
January 7th, 2025 at 5:07 am Reply
MW: So now instead of calling Dawn “Nerdgirl,” Dirk can call her Mr. Magoo.
I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV
January 7th, 2025 at 5:21 am Reply
Mary Worth: No, Dawn, honey! Going without glasses is how you wound up dating Jared! It could happen again!
MKay
January 7th, 2025 at 4:38 am Reply
MW: So, when Dawn totals her car driving blind, will she sue Dirk for damages and mental anguish? On a TV court show? Or would that be just too IMPROBABLY STUPID for belief?
BeckoningChasm
January 7th, 2025 at 4:26 am Reply
Mary Worth: If you hate being called “Nerdgirl” and have told your date that, and he persists in calling you “Nerdgirl” anyway, I would think that would indicate…oh wait, she’s a Weston. Forget I said anything.
Hibbleton
January 7th, 2025 at 4:39 am Reply
MW: Dawn steps off the curb and right in front of a four horse McCormick reaper driven by Mr Alora.
Charterstoned
January 7th, 2025 at 4:51 am Reply
@Hibbleton: You beat me to it. I was thinking they’d go ice skating and Dawn would step in front of a Zamboni.
Philip
January 7th, 2025 at 6:07 am Reply
Mary Worth – Dawn’s going to win Jared back by being under his care after her stint in the ER
Artist formerly known as Ben
January 7th, 2025 at 1:11 pm Reply
MW: In Dawn, the quasi-biblical adage tha, “There are none so blind as those who will not see” is embodied in the most thuddingly literal way possible.
Daisy
January 7th, 2025 at 7:30 am Reply
MW: “I’ll just go without and wing it,” mutters Dawn as she walks right into a wall…
Where’s Rocky?
January 7th, 2025 at 4:27 am Reply
RMMD. Time moves so fast that Kelly is apparently now at least five years older than her own mother.
pugfuggly
January 7th, 2025 at 4:58 am Reply
RMMD I like the narration text on this one, as it seems to serve as a caption, some like “Still Life with Fruit”
Bob Tice
January 7th, 2025 at 5:06 am Reply
RMMD:
“Mom, I find myself distracted from my studies by the frequent lightning strikes here, one of which you can see between our second and third panels!”
Liam
January 7th, 2025 at 10:28 am Reply
RMMD-She doesn’t want her daughter to turn out Luann DeGroot.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
erdmann
January 7th, 2025 at 7:22 am Reply
Pibgorn: It’s been 151 days since the last update. Think they’re finally done shagging?
jroggs
January 7th, 2025 at 4:37 am Reply
H&L: “Th-th-tha-a-at i-i-is-s-n’t-t th-the c-car r-r-rem-m-mote-te, Th-th-thirs-s-ty-y.”
TheDiva
January 7th, 2025 at 7:24 am Reply
Dustin: I’m just glad Dustin and Dustdad don’t know about the “in bed” rule.
Little Guy
January 7th, 2025 at 12:01 pm Reply
Luann: “Penis goes where?”
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
MKay
January 8th, 2025 at 4:36 am Reply
MW: Can’t think of a better way to begin the day.
Craig!
January 8th, 2025 at 6:07 am Reply
This is it. This is the greatest Mary Worth of all time. I have seen the top of the mountain, and it is two panels of Dawn Weston walking into a door.
Bob Tice
January 8th, 2025 at 4:48 am Reply
MW:
Minutes later….
“Subduralhematomagirl! How great to see you!”
Professor Well Actually
January 8th, 2025 at 5:21 am Reply
MW: Dirk the Dick will now call Dawn blindgirl or clumsygirl. But will being unable to see the object of her infatuation make a difference to Dawn.
I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV
January 8th, 2025 at 5:25 am Reply
Mary Worth: Sighted enough to coordinate her outfit to the plastic lilacs in the apartment lobby, but not enough to avoid walking into the front door. You may not like it, but this is what peak Mary Worth performance looks like.
Ettorre
January 8th, 2025 at 6:05 am Reply
“Mary, I swear, my boyfriend is not beating me! I just walked into a door!”
“I believe you Dawn. You words might not be convincing, but your stupidity is”
Cat
January 8th, 2025 at 5:18 am Reply
MW: Dawn should have at least worn her glasses while she was choosing her clothes and dog collar to wear.
ectojazzmage
January 8th, 2025 at 7:13 am Reply
Mary Worth: Oh shit, Dawn walked into the background drawings!
cheech wizard
January 8th, 2025 at 7:30 am Reply
MW – In dog training, they tell us the way to stop an unwanted behavior is to get the dog to focus on something else. So if the dog is jumping on the furniture, for example, you teach to “sit” rather than just saying “no!” What I’m getting at is, if Dawn doesn’t want Dirk calling her Nerdgirl, she should keep the glasses and lose the bra.
jroggs
January 8th, 2025 at 4:51 am Reply
MW: Dawn ditched her glasses so she wouldn’t have any trouble getting banged, but this probably wasn’t what she had in mind.
GT: The bad news is that Milford’s totalitarian regime permits no freedom of expression or dissent no matter how mild. The good news is that Bucko the Albino will make a mint suing the school for this flagrant assault and battery.
Daisy
January 8th, 2025 at 7:49 am Reply
FC: Whatever insect or arachnid is on the ceiling, I am just waiting for it to jump or fall off, straight into Jeffy’s nostril.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Schroduck
January 9th, 2025 at 4:43 am Reply
Curtis: Diane threw away the old chair because it kept getting those weird sticky stains and the fabric was getting strangely stiff.
GarrisonSkunk
January 9th, 2025 at 4:47 am Reply
This year’s Kwanzaa story is about a man’s hinder and his magic chair? That tracks, but it could use more telepathic otters.
Ettorre
January 9th, 2025 at 4:49 am Reply
Curtis’ dad is ranting all about the monogamous relationship of his butt with his chair while his butt is cheating on his living room chair with a kitchen chair! That ass is a whore!
Hibbleton
January 9th, 2025 at 5:36 am Reply
FC: Jeffy enjoys Thel’s annual ritualistic slaughter of their pet chicken from the previous Easter.
Rube
January 9th, 2025 at 6:14 am Reply
RMMD I wasted a little time trying to see if I could imagine my mid-twenties son saying “Enjoy that ‘empty nester’ status “, then realized I couldn’t imagine anybody saying it.
Tabby Lavalamp
January 9th, 2025 at 5:48 am Reply
Oh shit. Mud Mountain Murphy is single, isn’t he?
Where’s Rocky?
January 9th, 2025 at 7:26 am Reply
RMMD. Summer soon gets more than she bargained for when she discovers that “Ice Cream and a Movie” is not the same thing as “Netflix and Chill.”
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Cleveland Mocks
January 9th, 2025 at 6:36 am Reply
GT: Gil softens up someone to fill in while Beth is working the night shift.
MW: Just start calling him “Assholeboy.” On the other hand, he might like that, so love it or leave it.
astroboy
January 9th, 2025 at 6:37 am Reply
MW – I’d go with “Micropeen!” Dirkhead definitely wouldn’t like that.
Weaselboy
January 9th, 2025 at 5:54 am Reply
MW – The ellipsis after “Hello” suggests that Dirk is doing a “Seinfeld” bit. Name-calling and dated pop culture references – you’ve got yourself a winner there, Dawn.
Yside
January 9th, 2025 at 6:42 am Reply
MW: ooooooh ok I get it now. Dawn can’t see how “gorgeous” meathead is, so now she can “see” the real meathead.
I speak Jive
January 9th, 2025 at 10:19 am Reply
Mary Worth – Dawn smacked into that door with enough force that she should be black and blue by now. Moy sure loves Stevie Wonder. At least we don’t have to endure Dirk and Dawn singing one of his songs. Are twenty year olds even aware of him, other than “Who taught you how to park – Stevie Wonder?”
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Arabella
January 9th, 2025 at 6:06 am Reply
Plugger tip for starting the day: Always exit the bed on the side closer to where you sleep. Do not attempt to contort your corpulent body and crawl to the other side. Things never go right when you get up on the wrong side of the bed.
The Breathtaking Bonehead Brothers
January 9th, 2025 at 9:04 am Reply
Pluggers: “Pluggers start the day with wood.” We stopped reading here.
Kevin on Earth
January 9th, 2025 at 9:54 am Reply
Pluggers: A Plugger regrets eating so adventurously when they wake to see blast marks on the wall next to their bed.
Ukulele Ike
January 9th, 2025 at 6:51 am Reply
PBS: Pastis getting whiny about federal taxes is a sure sign he’s advanced to a higher income bracket. Pop another magnum of Champagne and pay what you owe, Stephan, us poor folk appreciate the roads, disaster aid, and National Parks.
Ukulele Ike
January 9th, 2025 at 6:08 am Reply
BF: You can’t fool us, Blonde Friend — we know you Brazilian wax your mustache.
(In groundbreaking comic strip news: first acknowledgement of the existence of pubic hair)
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
astroboy
January 10th, 2025 at 4:45 am Reply
MW – Triptides are an actual LA-area band, known for their “sun-warped psychedelic rock.” Dawn and Dirk are stoned AF, is what I’m sayin’.
Hibbleton
January 10th, 2025 at 4:50 am Reply
MW: Seeing that the “Triptides” are an actual West Coast psychedelic rock band is a little disconcerting. Dropping acid makes Dirk way cooler than he should be.
DtM:
“My parents are going to renew their vows.”
“Dammit, Gina! Your parents still fuck!? Yuck!”
MKay
January 10th, 2025 at 5:35 am Reply
DtM: Dennis’ parents won’t bother renewing their vows because there’s no Start Over Child-Free option.
MW: I’m not sure which I want; for Dawn to throw Dirk under a passing bus now, or for Dirk to stick around long enough to meet Wilbur, so he can give him a clever nickname, too.
Liam
January 10th, 2025 at 7:44 am Reply
MW-Moy’s inserting of Stevie Wonder is like the person who gets a word a day calendar and tries out a new word every chance they get.
Special Scrotal Awards to the Best No. 69 and Beyond of the Week
69. Poteet
December 26th, 2024 at 9:21 am Reply
Happy Boxing Day, everybody!
169. astroboy
December 27th, 2024 at 5:27 am Reply
MW – “One day I’ll use my public relations skills in the corporate arena.” Good to know Dirk speaks English like everyone else in the Worthoverse. Improbably and robotically.
Also, the character model is way too similar to Zak. I keep thinking Zak’s cheating on Iris, looking to get his hamburger gravy elsewhere. He’s basically Zak on cocaine.
369. Daisy
December 31st, 2024 at 7:43 am Reply
MW: Not sure if this has been mentioned already, but it’s kind of a yellow flag – if not red – when someone persists in teasing you when you’ve politely asked them not to. So Dirk the Jerk is going to torment Dawn with “nerdgirl” all evening, isn’t he. Way to go, Dawn. If you weren’t so smitten with the guy’s looks, you’d walk away right now…or at least after asking him again – nicely but firmly – not to use insulting nicknames. :-p Dawn just isn’t very good at this “adulting” thing, is she…
69. Ukulele Ike
January 2nd, 2025 at 8:10 am Reply
GT: I don’t get this. Is there an AA rule that a barkeep who serves booze to a recovering alcoholic has to take away their sobriety chip? Or did Beth just rifle through Marty’s pockets after he passed out and fell onto the floor?
I see the beauty mark/enormous pimple/pearl cheek stud/syphilitic facial chancre is still in place. Perhaps a vigorous program of letter-writing to Barajas would convince him to take it away? It bugs me.
Special Scrotal Awards to the Best No. 69 and Beyond of the Week
69. Guillermo el chiclero
January 4th, 2025 at 10:09 am Reply
FC: But at the strip club downtown Mommy’s name is Jaymee Jutters.
69. Ukulele Ike
January 7th, 2025 at 8:18 am Reply
Phantom: Busty starlet is wearing a patch on her left buttcheek leaking a slow release of cocaine into her bloodstream. Hence the broad smile and why she’s not fallen asleep yet.
Special Scrotal Awards to the Best No. 69 and Beyond of the Week
69. Cleveland Mocks
January 8th, 2025 at 7:10 am Reply
GT: I’d say a guy who wears a hat like that has no room to criticize anybody. And that’s not even taking into consideration whatever those things on his chin are.
69. cheech wizard
January 10th, 2025 at 8:04 am Reply
DtM – Gina’s mom must be in tech. Because she assumes that when something’s not working, you just reboot it and hope that fixes things. Until Dad comes home with another virus.
Thank you for the mentions, Scratchy!! Kudos to jake and all the runners-up! And adding my thoughts for Josh and wife’s wellbeing as the fires hopefully begin to dissipate.
Congrats to Jake, everyone on the float, my fellow scratchies, and the upcoming shadowfloaters! Broon Croons to BigTed and jroggs, and my thoughts to Josh and anyone in the LA area.
@Josh: You know, a few days ago, I nearly posted a comment asking if you were OK, but I held off after re-reading what you wrote in that exact post from 2020:
In hindsight, it wouldn’t have hurt anything to leave a comment anyway. Glad to hear you’re safe.
Thanks to
Dilbert’sRubberScratchy for the mentions!Josh: Might be a good time for a trip to scenic Ojai. You could take off your shoes, climb a tree, and learn how to play the flute. You could visit the ancestral home of Rory Calhoun. And wildfires have a difficult time gaining purchase in the stinkin’ desert.
Wow, I didn’t think anyone would remember posts from way back last year! Thanks for the mention, Scratchy, and congrats to Jake and the rest of the floatriders!
Thanks, Scratchy.
Thanks Josh, keep safe from the utter precariousness of life! And thanks Scratchy for recognising “that ass is a whore”
Congrats to jake and the floaters, and thanks, Scratchy!
So, Josh. With this Patreon, do you plan on having a fire sale?
@Weaselboy: thank you!
Thank you! I’m shocked I won and greatfulvas hell. Id like to thank Curtis’ weird arc about chairfucking for this win and I’m greatful Josh is safe.
Congrats to the COTWs, and thanks Josh (and Scratchy)! As someone who lives close enough to the Palisades fire to be watching out for evacuation notices, I appreciate some extra humor in my day (and the sense of ridiculousness that comes from any mention of Funky Winkerbean). Hope everyone else is doing okay!
Thanks, Scratchy!
Stay safe, Josh and any other West-Coasters.
Fifty years ago today, Dondi’s new friend pulled a street con, Sam Driver’s trustworthiness was called into question, in Mark Trail the state governor thanked a businessman for a generous campaign contribution and asked for what he could do with him, and Uncle Duke was seeking the job of Governor of Samoa. Quincy was troubled by his economic situation.
The real world mirrored the comics. An AP analyst said economists failed the credibility test, and in Pennsylvania a state legislator and two doctors were indicted for medical fraud. Spurred by talk of a possible tax cut, the Dow surged above 650 points.
Thanks for the mentions, Scratchy. Stay safe, Josh.
Congrats to all and thank you, Josh and Scratchy!
@Sequitur: So, Josh. With this Patreon, do you plan on having a fire sale?
Too Soon.
Thanks Scratchy.
And I’m glad Josh is safe but aware and hopes he stays both.