Grim Tuesday
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Slylock Fox, 3/4/25
They called Count Weirdly mad at Oxford, of course, and the Medical Sciences Interdivisional Research Ethics Committee repeatedly sanctioned him. But he’s shown them now, or I guess he would have shown them, if they all hadn’t been violently killed in the great animal uprising that wiped out most of the human race. Oxford is run by owls or something these days, but he’d like to think that, if any of his old nemeses were still around, they would understand that in this horrifying new world there just isn’t the luxury to muse on medical ethics the way there used to be. And with so few humans left alive, could anyone really fault him for trying to build a new one, as a friend? It’s not like there’s any shortage of corpses to use as raw materials.
Pardon My Planet, 3/4/25
But … you’re the one buying the pie, cow! I really don’t want to think about why this scenario involves cows wearing shirts and shopping in human grocery stores, or why a cow might assume that products made from cow’s milk can render dishes “sanitary,” and thank goodness that I don’t have to, because I have this basic bit of storybuilding to get hung up on instead. If you think the pie is unsanitary, why are you buying it? You’re standing in the checkout line, there’s nobody else there, you clearly picked it out and are now buying it!
Beetle Bailey, 3/4/25
Beetle is … dead, right? He’s not there, they’re putting a memorial plaque above his bed, he’s clearly dead. RIP Beetle Bailey, 1950-2025, you will be missed, to a certain extent.
47 replies to “Grim Tuesday”
Pardon my Planet: Wow, this cow is a piece of work. He’s like an uptight vegan who sees meat in the grocery store, takes it to the checkout counter JUST to make an anti-meat rant in front of everyone.
I don’t know if vegans would actually go that far and really I don’t care.
MW: Dawn’s apparent lack of a second finger joint goes a long way to explaining her insecurities.
SFx: It’s been a while since I’ve read Frankenstein butbi don’t seem to recall the bolt of electricity giving the monster a full body orgasm?
“It’s not like there’s any shortage of corpses to use as raw materials.”
Are you suggesting that the animals didn’t pick the bones clean of all meat of the humans that they slaughtered? I mean they are still animals.
Clearly the cow brought it to the register just to kick off a scene, climaxing with the murder of the cashier. The Uprising comes to Whole Foods, and the Pardon My Planet/Slylock Fox crossover Universe we all craved is begun.
BB: Judging from what I’ve seen in my 60+ years of reading this strip, they could hang a “Beetle Bailey Slept Here” plaque pretty much anywhere in Camp Swampy and it would be appropriate, including behind the wheel of most of the jeeps.
@pugfuggly:
My NYC origins had me reading your typo as “bubbie” which I thought was very sweet.
I can’t help but like Bob Weber Jr. a bit more for having a Don Martin book on that shelf…
Sorry, I am sure that cows eat grasshoppers from time to time. I’ve never seen one delicately brush off anything that might cling to the grass or hay they munch on all day long.
PMP- Plugger origin story?
PMP: I guess the gag is that Grasshopper pie is a real dessert served around Easter which the cow, being a cow, is too stupid to know it’s not made with grasshoppers?
Rest in Piss Carl James Bailey
September 4th, 19XX – 2025
Meanwhile over in Crankshaft
I know that Davis has zero clipart of pickleball besides Funky and Dick Facey, but come on
B. Bailey: Camp Swampy is a retired historical fort with various plaques put up for the benefit of tourists. Beetle is famous enough to have one posted over the bed where he died from his agonizing battle injuries.
FYI, The soldiers pictured here are ghosts.
SFx – No oscillating Jacob’s ladder – obviously a complete fabrication….
PMP – Gross! Give me a good old fashioned cow pie, any day….
BB – On this site, BB set the world record for jacking off on government time.
Adios Amigos, DJ.
SLYFX: The important thing is, can Count Weirdly spot the six differences? Details matter A LOT when reanimating dead tissue.
BB: In small print (and with aging eyes) it’s easy to read, ” What’s with the PLAGUE above Beetle’s bed?” Which is much more Camp Swampy-esque.
RMMD: Next, The Walking Cliché will say, “I could draw this good when I was in First Grade! Haw!”
MW: So, does this hug say;
“Your breath is like rotting death,”
” Backs of heads are really hard to draw, ”
or,
“Always face the spy camera that Mary has placed in our living room.”
Slylock Fox: That homunculus creature is clearly being sexually aroused by the electrical charge. The artist had originally shown a clamp attached to its genitals but was forced to change it.
Pardon My Planet: This is part of an OnlyFans request video for someone with a bestiality fetish has paid to have this fantasy created wherein someone puts on an elaborate cow costume and buys specific items from a lesbian grocery store. Because this takes place in West Virginia it’s not against the law.
Slylock Fox and Comics for Kids: Oh great, now we’re going to have to put up with endless pedants reminding us that it’s Count Weirdly’s Frankenstein’s Monster. Thanks a lot, Bob Weber and/or Bob Weber Jr.
RMMD: Wow, this guy is REALLY bad at this stalking game…
MW: I laughed at the insipid dialogue in panel 1, then I went ‘EWWWWWW!!!!’ as I thought about the implications of the dialogue in panel 2.
Luann: Okay, this guy deserves a vapid know-nothing like Luann. Flash cards? Seriously???
Slylock Fox: You’ve got to solve anagram 3 to see what’s going on in here: this is happening in China. Chinese science is already racing ahead of the US in the fields of material science and artificial intelligence, and now they’re winning in grave-robbing too! The Frankenstein Gap is growing! American scientists need more funding to win the Frankenstein Race!
BB: BEETLE SLEEPS ALL THE TIME, ANYWHERE HE CAN. THERE’S NOTHING HISTORIC ABOUT HIM SLEEPING IN A PARTICULAR BED. THE PLAQUE SHOULD SAY SOMETHING LIKE “BEETLE BAILEY COMPLETED A WHOLE SHIFT WITHOUT SLACKING OFF HERE“. THAT WOULDN’T BE VERY FUNNY, BUT IT WOULD BE AN ACTUAL JOKE. GODDAMMIT, KING FEATURES, DO I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING FOR YOU?
Also Slylock Fox and Comics for Kids!: Now I’m wondering who else plays the bit parts in this drama. One of Weirdly’s little homunculi clearly serves as Igor, and Reeky Rat, Slick Willie, Harry Ape and others are the villagers, but who plays Frau Blücher? Who is Inga? (My money is on Max.)
@Schroduck:
SlackingJacking FTFYPardon My Planet: Kind of this male bovine to volunteer his women’s bodily fluids to sanitize this product. It’s this kind of reprehensible behavior that’s destroying our world. It’s just crap, this male entitlement, bull shit, if you will.
@Hibbleton:
Hmm… Dawn’s finger… Weirdly’s monster’s left hand… is this the grossest comics crossover ever?
Slylock Fox: Apropos that a Mad scientist like Count Weirdly would be trying to revive Mad magazine by having a Don Martin looking version of Frankenstein come to life (and the Don Martin book on the shelf).
Pardon My Planet – The guy is in background is a maître’ d who has fallen on hard times and taken a bagging job. He went from commanding the staff of a fine restaurant to now having to stoically listen to a Midwestern bumpkin cow shit-talk cowpies that were specifically made to appeal to sentient livestock. Cows may have joined humans in intelligence and bipedalism, but they will never truly be as sophisticated as us until they learn manners.
Beetle Bailey – Beetle Bailey died in the first US – Canada War when, doing their own research, a group of jingoistic Americans thought Camp Swampy was a Canadian outpost and attacked while Beetle was asleep on guard duty.
MW: “By the way, Dad, I’m vegan now, so I’d prefer that we not have any meat or dairy around.”
“WHAT!!!??? Not under my roof, young lady! You can go live in a grain silo or something. I’ve been dying for some ribs, and I’m ordering some right now! With EXTRA FAT!!!”
Pluggers: I hope Barry Sparks of York Pennsylvania is retired so he doesn’t have to go to work where he’ll be relentlessly mocked for being depicted as a decrepit chicken lady who has painful spasms while assembling banal puzzles.
Curtis: Maybe “Soul Scissors” would be a more profitable business if Gunther wasn’t driving away customers by telling them about his financial issues and plans to die and have his body cooked on a hibachi grill.
I wasn’t expecting to see Count Weirdly with a book by conservative Canadian journalist Don Martin on his shelf, but I’m not entirely surprised. If he ever wants a change of pace though, he could try some old Mad Magazine books instead.
***
A pie made from grasshoppers would be no less sanitary than a chicken pot pie or a steak and kidney pie, so I think it’s less that the cartoonist isn’t trying to make some sort of vegan point but is a crank trying to warn us about the United Nations wanting to make us all eat insects.
JP: “Randy… Randy!… Stop being so Illi-noying!”
Pardon My Planet: Why does the checkout line have a maitre d’? It’s the least of our worries in this comic, where a cow is panicking over mint choc– wait, can cows eat chocolate?
***Googles like the wind***
Good news, everyone! Chocolate is bad for cows. Mister Bull’s panic attack isn’t a joke, just an existential crisis.
Judge Parker
Randy: IT’S NOT FAIR! IT’S NOT FAIR! (repeats until devolves into agonized sobbing)
CS: “Thanks for changing your mind about your utterly contrived aversion to games named after food just so we could segue into this utterly unlikely scenario where you are very good at playing said game, Ed.”
Dustin Instead of letting yesterday’s nonbelievable conversation die a deserved death, Dustin doubles down with a just as nonbelievable follow-up. Will he go for three in a row?
JP: Wow, a magnificent double pissy-face, not once but twice! Well done, guys!
I’m not surprised that there’s a remake of the 1993 Michael Douglas crime thriller “Falling Down” but I didn’t think Hi and Lois would be doing it. Hi Flagston is definitely about to snap and go on a killing spree here.
@Tabby Lavalamp: Fun fact (actually not fun at all) I once got a sandwich from Starbucks, and there was a dead cricket inside of it.
I got a refund and the employee was mortified.
“Cow Buying Grasshopper Pie” is the new “Cow Tools”
RMMD: Looks like it’s Lime Green Shirt Day at the art museum. The first 50 men who are wearing a lime green shirt will be admitted free!
GT: Yeah, yeah, yeah, Marty Moon alcoholic blah blah blah. What we want to know is, What in the hell is a runner-up all practice? And will we ever see it? That’s what we want to know.
Beetle Bailey-“I wouldn’t exactly say Beetle did much sleeping,” Sarge says suggestively.
MW-“If loving you is wrong…”
MW-Dawn looks like she is going to take Mary’s advice and give Wilbur a try and Wilbur looks like he’s enjoying it.
That is “Grass” Hopper Pie made with synthetic cannabis and a plethora of other drugs that will get you high enough that you’ll believe you’re a cow. It’s not approved by the FDA but everyone who worked for that department was recently fired.
PMP: In addition to the other problems already mentioned, why is the pie in a box being held vertically like a book? When you buy a pie at the grocery store, it typically comes in a clear plastic container that you hold horizontally.
@MKay: I thought Dirk already had Wilbur and Dawn cornered at gunpoint. And Wilbur is strangely aroused by this.
@Cleveland Mocks: One of Tom Batiuk’s Mary Sue characters being an instant expert at something is about the likeliest scenario in the entire Funkyverse. No one in this town of losers can ever be bad, or merely a beginner, at anything. Because how are they going to win their award, do their book signing, and get their comic book cover?
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: Well, there goes my pedantic comment today! Thanks, Chthulhu!
“Who is Marty Moon without his radio show?” The question implies that he’s a 40-something alcoholic who gets a high school sports broadcasting job, and then bases his entire personality on that.
GT: Milford’s extreme flatness and lack of trees as shown in panel 2 may account for the psychological issues that are abundant there.
MW: “So what was his name Dawn? Mine was named Chiquita. Took me for your college fund. I shouldn’t be alive.”
DtM: Alice hands Dennis a coffee behind his back because…why not? She and her houseguest are baked to the gills.
You have to give credit where it’s due, and I think the Slylock Fox artwork is great today.
MW:
“Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz?”
“No. Dorothy Ginsberg from West Palm Beach. We sat together on the bus to Chichen Itza.”
SFx – Next, Sly’s going to waltz in and inform us that the Frankenstein knockoff won’t work because the electrical connections aren’t grounded, or some shit.
My theory is the cow suddenly thought “grasshopper pie” could be taken to mean shit, like in cow pie. And she thought she should make a pun about it but did not stop to think if it would make sense to the people not privy to her line of thought. Classic autism moment, very relatable.