Maybe he’s just very sleepy. From all the stalking
Post Content
Panel from Slylock Fox, 3/30/25
This is at least the second time that Slylock Fox has proposed the old “one person divides, the other chooses” solution to this kind of dispute, and when the first one was published five years ago I already went on at great length about how I first encountered that idea in T*A*C*K, a sub-Encyclopedia Brown series of distinctly Slylockian “mysteries” for kids. So I guess today I’ll focus on our hapless canine judge. Criminal investigation and prosecution are the flashiest part of the legal system, and the post-human regime has managed to put together semi-functional versions of that, but much of the work of the judiciary involves managing noncriminal disputes between litigants, and we can see that Slylock’s animal civilization has a long way to go in that department. Our boy Sly is using the only tool in his arsenal — ratiocination — and frankly I don’t think it’s really up to the task.
Mary Worth, 3/30/25
“Oh, Belle seems wacky, but kinda fun, ha ha!” is what many of you and frankly I thought when she first appeared. “She definitely won’t start blacking out the eyes of her lover’s daughter in family photos literally minutes after she arrives unannounced at his home, with a sharpie she apparently carries with her specifically for that purpose.” We were fools. Fools! How could we have been so naive?
Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/30/25
“When is this boring stalker storyline going to get to the medical content that we expect from medically-themed comic strip Rex Morgan, M.D.?” is the question that’s been on the lips of a lot of people who do not regularly read Rex Morgan, M.D., the comic strip that has a lot less medical content than you’d expect. Anyway, does dying count as medical content? Because our stalker — I assume that’s him, based on his Lincolnian profile — seems to have died in mid-stalk, oops. Well, looks like Summer’s problem is solved, anyway! I guess maybe we should bring Rex in to say a few words about how the stalking lifestyle is unhealthy and then move on.
167 replies to “Maybe he’s just very sleepy. From all the stalking”
RMMD: well played Stalker Dude, if that is you. In dying you have been promoted to Lance the Eternal Summer Stalker, stalking endlessly through the night. Summer will be stuck with you forever. Plus Summer and Augie will be investigated for your possible murder.
Well played.
Slylock Fox-Whoever penned “Slylock Fox” clearly doesn’t know how people operate. There will be fighting over stuff no matter what.
RMMD-Join us Monday as Rex Morgan is brought in as the coroner.
MW-“Try to be flexible, Dawn.” Yep. There’s no way that sentence could mean anything else.
FC-“He’s halfway there,” Daddy says,” He already bugs me.”
Blondie-How often do they redecorate that house? It always seems like they are redecorating.
Mary Worth: So Belle is planning to murder Dawn so she can have Wilbur all to herself? Honestly, I don’t hate it. Have her take Wilbur back to Florida, and condo life will be nothing but blissfully boring muffins with the Camerons and salmon squares with Dr. Jeff from here on out!
MW: Are devil horns and a little goatee next? Stay tuned!
Slylock Fox-“I have an easier solution,” Slylock says cocking his gun.
SF – This obviously isn’t going to work, since the major bone of contention is who gets the “masterpiece.” Fortunately, this is Max’s turn to shine as, in a Solomonic turn, he takes that sword from the box and simply hacks the thing in half.
Sunday Mary Worth Quotevestigation: Confirmed! Lykke Li said this about an unexpected collaboration with Bono I think and I know this without looking it up because Moy already used this quote once. Do a better job of catering to my extremely specific Mary Worth-based needs, Karen!
Also I want to be a Dawn Defender on here. Lots of the mudges rag on Dawn but I think she is mostly a normal amount of immature for a twenty-year-old, and the rest of her issues are largely down to having been raised with Wilbur as her better parent. Honestly, and I realized God is going to strike me down for saying this, it’s only because of Mary’s steady guidance that she’s functional at all.
(You know I can’t help finding the actual source for the Lykke Li quote.)
MW: women that go heh heh are ev.
MW: I had Batts Belfrey pegged as some sort of scammer/grifter. I did not have Crazed Pschopath on my Bingo card.
Is there a trail of dismembered managers back in Orlando?
Ah, yes. Because one party dividing the goods and the other party choosing which selection they want always ends up splitting things evenly. Just ask the Greek Gods about how they and mortals decided what part of the meal should be offerings. Deeefinitely split evenly. Yup. Didn’t end with them getting royally screwed.
@astroboy: I guess I can go back to my “Wilbur went to Florida and Mexico to supervise his drug empire” shtick and change Belle from “Orlando-area distributor” to “Orlando-area hitwoman.”
RMMD: That’s it, Augie. Spread your fingerprints all over that crime scene. Nothing bad can come of that.
MW: Good start to an Asian style horror film but this being Mary Worth she’s probably a run-of-the-mill witch. It would be cool however, to see her passive-aggressively wind up Mary. “Eye of newt is so passé.”
SFx: Nameless Pink-Gowned Cousin is about to have a wardrobe malfunction but it’s ok because birds don’t have breasts and the reason she’s about to have the malfunction is that birds don’t have shoulders and honestly birds don’t have arms and usually I don’t have a problem with the suspension of disbelief required for anthropomorphic animal cartoons but this one broke me.
SFox: No one is going to fight over a painting of Moose Miller and Molly. Maybe for a painting of one of Chester’s moles (animal not skin).
Hi & Lois became a grim dissection of the acrimonious and irretrievable end of a marriage so gradually we didn’t even notice. “Hey Sunbeam, why is Mr Thurston sitting in his driveway openly weeping?”
B. Bailey: TL;DR single panel version:
“How come you don’t retire, General?”
“My wife’s a bitch.”
MW: Really cartoon villainy at this point. Can’t help but think there is a Dick Tracy crossover coming. The sadder part being in the end Wilbur so desperate for sex/love that he is vulnerable to virtually any action out there.
MW – So Wilbur stuck his dick in crazy. Because of course he did. Is this now going to play out like In The Realm of the Senses? Is Dawn going to be a forced spectator? Will this plot resolve when she hooks Belle up with Dirk? Tune in tomorrow to find out – Same Bats time, Same Bats channel!
MW: “The three of us are going skydiving. I’ll pack the parachutes! ”
Blondie is still funnier than the Babylon Bee.
Pluggers: Would a chicken leave a mark like that on a speeding car’s windshield? And where is Henrietta anyway?
SF:
Oh, I’ve got this one. Lie to the warring cousins about the masterpiece that appears to be the focal point of their dispute, and tell them in an authoritative voice that you know for a fact that it’s a fake. That way, neither of them will want what they think is a piece of junk, and you will have secured a valuable masterpiece for yourself in addition to solving the problem.
So, the moral of the story, kids, is: if you lie convincingly, you can really get ahead in life!
RMMD:
“And I think there’s a Dead guy in it. But I can’t tell if it’s Bob Weir or Mickey Hart!”
@richardf8: I completely disagree. There is no reason to believe Wilbur stuck his dick in anything. He’s the kind of man who would enable crazy, just for the tiniest possibility of someday sticking his dick in it. If Dawn didn’t exist, I’d argue he’s never succeeded at this.
Slylock: Max, the incompetent toady, solves the problem by cutting the boy in half which, since the animapocalypse, would be a viable solution but not in this case. “It’s the painting, Dingus!”
MW:
“I’m going to put distinctly different squiggles on each of Dawn’s two eyes, to summon the enigmatic last spoken line of the Beatles’ ‘Strawberry Fields Forever’: ‘I…vary…scrawls….’ “
RMMD:
“Let me get my DNA all over this window glass by pounding it, so that I can be falsely accused of committing a crime in the developing story arc here!”
Belle Batsfrey: weird, dangerous violent. Wants to have something, possibly sex, with Wilbur, further confirming her utter psychosis. This terrifying psychopath, this woman who got her nursing degree to advance her career as a serial killer, is still the least irritating person in the page.
SFx: At first I was going to comment how it was funny that a judge would be looking at an arbitration book for novices, but then it struck me that the ambiguous title might mean it is a book specifically for mediating disputes between dummies. Like, two minutes after these two start wrestling over that lime-green monstrosity, Judge Bowsers quietly puts away the regular arbitration book and pulls out that one.
MW: I’m liking how this story is going zero-to-sixty instead of the usual slow burn we get. At this rate, Mary is going to be intervening in an armed hostage situation at the karaoke bar within a week!
RMMD: Well, that really
killedended the whole “Layne Staley” bit I had going. Thanks a lot…MW:
I don’t know why Dawn is so down on Belle — she’s the only person in the observable universe who has worse hair than Dawn has.
RMMD: Sure, it looks like a happy ending, until a knife from Summer’s cutlery set is found firmly wedged in Dead Guy’s chest.
MW: Credit where it’s due, these last couple antagonists have been well-crafted. Dirk made us almost feel sorry for Dawn, and by the time this is over, we could actually be cheering Wilbur on.
MW: I love how Wilbur has completely forgotten that the last time he was love bombed like this, he pretty much got fleeced by Fabiana. Then again, he is good at taking the advice he gave Dawn about selective memory.
Also I hope Belle puts that picture on display so that Dawn can be insanely paranoid and make a fool of herself when Belle hides the picture from Wilbur.
RMMD: The police struggle with means after concluding that Augie had motive and opportunity to murder stalker guy until they find a copy of Strunk and White shoved down his throat.
MW: Thank goodness they named this character Belle Batsfrey just in case we had any difficulty in figuring out she’s nuts.
MW – So Wilbur has been having sex with a crazy woman? At least we know it was good sex.
RMMD – Wow! What happened here? Carbon monoxide poisoning from his idling engine? A suicide, triggered by obsessive thoughts that Summer and whatshisname were having sex in there? Best case scenario: Summer slipped out during the night and just plain offed the guy. Bad mom Summer was always the best Summer anyway..
Today, Luann asks “why is Bernice my best friend?” and “why doesn’t anyone listen to us?” Question 1 is the answer to Question 2.
Pluggers believe that when one door closes, another one opens, because they’re used to life just handing them things.
MW: Heh-heh. He said “do it.” Heh-heh.
CS: Yeah, but now the creaking is caused by your old, decrepit body.
@Bob Tice: I dunno, Bob; Giella made Dawn’s hair look like she was wearing a helmet to protect her soft spot.
Not okay with Slylock talking. You gotta draw that guy rubbing his chin, about to talk, because our imagination is always going to be more impressive than what he actually says. I usually imagine a series of Animal Crossing noises, like Charlie Brown’s teacher but higher and faster, and you know what? More impressive than what I’m reading here.
RMMD:
“Yeah — Police? There’s a car parked on the street here….”
“Slow down a little, sir. I can see from caller I.D. that your name is Shuster. Let’s get a little information about you first for our records. What is your date of birth?”
“I was born in the ’50s.”
“And you said you’re calling from outside Ms. Knight’s house — you’re seeing her socially?”
“Oh, yes. Every little thing she does is magic. And besides, right now there’s a hole in my life!”
“Now, you say that this Telko fellow has been pestering you and her — did you demur when he did so?”
“Yep. I told him, ‘Don’t stand so close to me!’ ”
“And you’re saying that you believe that this Telko fellow is now deceased?”
“Yes. I believe he’s one of the spirits in the material world. Any more questions for me, Officer?”
“Not at this time, sir. It’s alright for you to hang up!”
@MKay: Now that’s a mistake that no one should make. Wilbur has the infuriating habit of having things eventually turn out good for him from being unnecessarily rewarded for his existence to scamming his way into getting (almost) everything he wants. He’s like the Rasputin of Mary Worth: try to kill him or force him into a suicidal mindset and it fails.
@Needless Exposition:
True enough. And actually, come to think of it, the entire surface of Dawn’s head is probably a soft spot.
RMMD — “Police? There’s a car parked on the street here.”
“In your suburban neighborhood? We’ll be right there.”
“I think there’s a dead guy in it.”
“So, no rush then. By the way, how do you know he’s dead?”
“I’ve seen a lot of still life paintings at the art museum.”
@Bob Tice: It would explain why she went from “I had a nightmare about being like my dad” to “My daddy is so great!” Or why she’s been in college for over two decades with nothing to show for it except for the notches on her bedpost and the regular visits to the clinic.
FC: “Jeffy wants to be a bug? Well, that’s gotta be better than what he is now.”
CS: It’s The Grim Reaper, old man. He’s here to send you screaming into Hell. Sucks to be you.
MW: It will be fun when Wilbur takes Belle to meet Mary, and Belle spits out her bite of muffin and growls, “What is this shit?”
JP: Sophie doesn’t understand that the servant class can’t afford to go jaunting around Europe anytime they please. They can be a real drag sometimes.
MW: Two months after her last known sighting, Dawn Weston’s body was found under the Santa Royale pier. When questioned as to why he did not report his daughter missing, Wilbur Weston, while covered in lipstick markings, told authorities that he assumed Dawn was spending time with a boyfriend, or that she had “decided to start sleeping over at her college.”
I learned the “one person divides and the other person chooses” method by sharing a slice of cake with a cousin at a very young age and it’s always seemed like the obvious way to handle such conflicts of interest, but never in a hundred years would I have guessed that’s the solution Slylock wanted the reader to figure out given the mystery presented by the strip. Why wouldn’t, for instance, Solomon’s gambit be a valid solution? Offering to set all the stuff on fire unless they can agree who should have it to keep the peace between the cousins would have been my first thought. But no, to solve this riddle you have to read Slylock’s mind. Humbug!
What I take from today’s Slylock Fox is that investing in an original panel from Bob Weber Jr.’s “Moose and Molly” will set my descents up for generations, as this fine art becomes recognized as a masterpiece. It’s just a shame they didn’t include an address or QR where I could order me one!
Rex Morgan, MILF Diver – Not easy to do in a car, I realize, but I hope that Stalky McGoatee died from auto-erotic asphyxiation.
I love how we’re supposed to regard Belle as some sort of Single White Female style psychopath but between her trailer park Kate Gosselin looks and the fact that Wilbur and Dawn deserve whatever comes to them, she comes across as more amusing than anything.
Granted, when I scrolled down, the very first panel I saw was “We’ll just include a third person” and my mind went to horror. (Although, I had no idea Dawn was even there when I saw that panel and actually thought that he was talking to Belle, which is still horrifying in every aspect)
Mary Worth: I’ve changed my mind: now I’m thinking Crazy Belle, with her talent with a felt-tip, actually drew those lipstick kisses we saw all over Wilbur’s face all week. He’d giggle and put up with it thinking it was sure to lead to sex. He didn’t get laid, but then, he didn’t get a permanent marker Hitler moustache, either, so that’s pretty good.
The whole “Father is dating an evil woman who must be vanquished before they’re married” trope, brings to mind Vicki (and later Meredith, who may or may not be canonically mother and daughter) from their respective “The Parent Trap” movies.
Except that trope usually involves kids, not grown adults who really should be living on their own and out of their parents lives for the most part.
*RMMD* One says, “Uh oh” in a small voice when one discovers they’ve left their wallet at home, or finds they can’t get reception on their phone. The proper response when finding a dead body, particularly a horrific death, possibly by self-inflicted gunshot with a love letter pinned to their chest, is ‘HOLY F*CK! MY FINGERPRINTS ARE ALL OVER THIS CAR!”
Slylock: Despite what Josh said, are we sure that this is a Judge, and not the executor of the will?
SFx – Slylock decrees that the masterpiece be cut in half, knowing the true art lover will relinquish their claim rather than see it damaged….
MW – Besides that, Dawn, I can really feel the wheel of karma turning my way….
RMMD – Lincoln – Lincoln, I’ve been thinkin’ – what the heck have you been drinkin’? Could it be whiskey? Could it be wine? Oh, my god, it’s turpentine….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
Elementary, my dear Fruhlinger:
Belle murdered Stalker, and then, to evade the law, flew heh-hehing to Charterstone, where she’s whiling away time by giving Dawn black eyes before going on her next murder binge!
Flylock Socks:
Moosa Mollisa.
SF: “Slylock does not claim to know what happens to us after we die, but he strongly suspects that Uncle Ronnie set all this up in advance, knowing full well that his nieces were total trainwrecks and would behave exactly as they’re behaving now. Therefore, Slylock is going to let this play out. Wherever you are, Ronnie, I hope you’re enjoying this.”
MW: Belle Batsfrey? That’s her name? What, was Crazybitch McLiferuiner taken?
RMMD: “Police? There’s a car parked on the street here … and I think there’s a dead guy in it. (pause) Yeah, in retrospect, it is kinda weird that I led with the car-parking part and not the dead guy part. What can I say? I’m a big believer in local parking ordinances. They’re the only thing keeping us from devolving into chaos, officer.”
@Bob Tice: I was going to suggest he end up in court with a crossover with Judge Parker, but really… when was the last time we’ve even seen the inside of a courtroom in that comic?
@The Rambling Otter: My sentiments exactly. A college student with a higher body count than her father should be barely blinking an eye at his love life. But Dawn is also a lazy codependent mooch who regularly listens to stories about her father getting laid with interest rather than telling him to shut up and keep it to himself.
JP: I am very disappointed in Reena, she’s the one character I’d expect to point out that she’s supposed to be an actual person with independent goals and if Sophie wants to go to Norway, she’s not obliged to follow.
RMMD: Dead vs ODing and able to be revived? I am going to bet on the latter not because it would bring some medical stuff into this supposedly doctor-based strip, but rather because it will drag out the boring stalking story even longer.
@Dennis Jomene: Talk-in’ ’bout, Hey now ! Hey now! I-ko, I-ko, un-day – Jomeme fee-no ai na-né….
@Joe Blevins: Kind of makes me miss The Flintstones, one episode where Fred inherited a mansion and vast fortune from his late Uncle Giggles. Before he could properly inherit them, he had to spend one night there, and if he dies then the mansion (and the rest of the fortune) will go to servants.
So Fred and Wilma (who drags Barney and Betty along, because why not?) spends the entire night dodging deathtraps and killer servants. Then when morning comes, turns out his Uncle Giggles didn’t actually die, and was just a prank he had set up to mess with Fred.
So yeah, after reading Slylock, I’m just nostalgic for the oldies.
Slylock Fox – Whoever published “Arbitration for Dummies” should read “Typography for Dummies.”
Luann: I don’t get it. Is this Greg Evans passive-aggressive way of suggesting his readers WANT them to get more into those subjects?
@CanuckDownSouth: Maybe Augie will save his life from over-dosing?
But even then, we’ll probably get a Spongebob-ish scene, where Augie is visiting Stalker in the hospital.
Augie: I only needed to do 10 chest compressions but I did 100 just to be safe”
Stalker: Awwww, that’s so nice of you! I’ll never forget your kindness when I’m brutally murdering you tomorrow.
MW: Yeah, I’m starting to suspect “Belle Batsfry” might not be that lady’s real name…
@Dan: As much as I would love Slylock and Co. speaking in Animalese. Personally, I would find it funnier if they all spoke in Banjo-Kazooie style “Hyucks”
Kind of impressive of gocomics to have a printing error on a digital page; for a moment I just thought Kirkman and Scott had decided to get a little creative with the Sunday Baby Blues
RMMD – Dude calls the cops but he keeps having trouble trying to pronounce Magnolia St., which is where Summer lives, so he finally just tells them he’ll drag the motherfucker over to Oak.
@Roscoe: Maybe Weber Jr. is trying to cash in on the
controversyhilarity of the Fig-urine incident from his previous entry featured on here the other week but still doesn’t know why that took off, so he’s just splitting up any words at random hoping it’ll work.@Needless Exposition: Belle scares me, because she feels very real to me. I lived in Florida half my life, and I met a lot of Belles there.
She claims to be a hard worker when all evidence is to the contrary. She is unable or unwilling to pay for things she should be able to afford, like a place to stay in a city she chose to fly to. Her impulsiveness and hostility hint at serious drug or alcohol problems. She’s escalating a new relationship way too quickly, which just happens to coincide with her requests for material goods. She has a “Karen” appearance and attitude, while also looking trashy and juvenile. Worst of all, she is attractive enough to make this whole act work. For now.
MW – I just want to know if Belle took the picture out of the frame before drawing on it. Otherwise, her behavior would be kind of weird.
RMMD: What if Aldomania was dull as hell?
Don Abundio, translated:
“Draw my bath, serve my breakfast, pick up my clothes, wash the windows, wax the dog and paint the chickens”
“Oh, Polonio! How do you deal with the frustrations of this job?”
“I do roller derby!”
@Needless Exposition: Yeah, Dawn being interested in it is squicky enough… there was a Marvel comic some years back called “Trouble!” about four college students who take jobs at a resort, and it gets very hot and sexy over time.
Then its revealed that these students are Peter Parkers parents, and Aunt May and Uncle Ben.
To quote a line from a review: Did you ever have grandparents who would constantly relate stories about their sex lives from when they were young? Well, someone wrote a comic about it!
@The Rambling Otter: We are sure it is not a judge. Owls are the Judiciary. He’s probably a junior partner in a family law firm.
@cheech wizard: My money is on carbon monoxide from an exhaust leak.
I know we have good reason to believe the police in RMMD are just as incompentent, arrest (and trigger) happy as any cop you might meet in real life, but keep in mind this is RMMD we’re talking about. The strip that made a jumbo jet making a forced landing in the desert boring. Sure I can’t wait to see what kind of convoluted logic the police deploy for arresting Augie for having his fingerprints on the OUTside of a locked car when an amatuer like him would surely get his fingerprints on the INside if he was planting Stalker McGoatee’s corpse (or if Augie strangled him in the driver’s seat or somesuch), but I’d expect that to last about a week until everything gets wrapped up with a neat, pretty bow and we get back to seeing how good ol’ Mud Mountain Murphy is doing…
JP: ‘Back to Norway… you’ll have to wear this little frilly maid uniform so I can get you through Customs without having to stuff you into my carry on. Immigration into Northern Europe is getting really strict these days. Also, you’re to never leave the apartment once we get there. You don’t mind that, do you? Of course you don’t, you’ll be too busy with chores to think about that!’
Luann: GAAAHHH!! The strip has acheived self-awareness!! THEY’RE STARING INTO MY SOUL!!!!!
@Banana Jr. 6000: “She is unable or unwilling to pay for things she should be able to afford, like a place to stay in a city she chose to fly to”.
That reminds me of my brother really… he’s our landlord, and he says he doesn’t have the budget to replace our crappy windows that really need replacing, but he takes frequent trips to Australia and Germany etc…
SlyF – I know! Hire Koppy Katt to replicate the masterpiece, and let them live in eternal uncertainty as to which one of them has the original. They will spend the rest of their lives sneaking into the home of the other to swap the fake painting for the real, never knowing which is which, because they’re both too dumb to notice whatever fuckup Koppy put into his version.
MW: Someone had better check the fish tank before Willa loses an eye or a fin or ends up in the skillet…oh, what’s the point…Wilbur is a lovable doofus whose gullibility and – let’s just say it – lust gets him in trouble all the time. And collateral damage ensues. Always.
MW – I still have my copy of “Bats and the Belles – Free”, a POGO anthology that I now fear may have inspired the name of a Mary Worth character.
I recommend the POGO version highly.
@Conynaut: Interestingly, the ArcaMax version *does* have the black layer in its images (https://www.arcamax.com/thefunnies/babyblues/). Which makes me wonder what kind of format they use for the files the artist sends, why it wouldn’t be just *one* file before it leaves the art-creation to all distributors, and how you would mess up putting to color file with the black layer.
9CL – He’s always had a limited repertoire, but now he’s to the point where it’s the same gag only used a week or two apart. Today’s “starts to scratch his back but ends up inside his sweater” gag is a recent rerun, as, of course, is the “the musicians are overwhelmed with lust and instead of performing a concert they just make out on stage, the the delight of the audience, who demand an encore”. Because nothing is more appealing to patrons of classical music than watching two teenagers making out on stage.
MW: Folks, I know things are gettin’ tense over at Mary Worth, now that Wilbur’s paramour is clearly a homicidal maniac! Just be assured that Willa is safe at her home and nowhere *near* the Weston condo! …. Wait – what’s this? Seems Willa left a voicemail last night!
She said The Ladies called her about some of her belongings she’d left over there, and she needed to come pick them up… and to come alone!!! OHMYGOD!!! Wiiiilllllaaaaa!
9CL – And Brooke should at least look up pictures of what teenagers look like, so he can stop drawing teenagers who look old enough to collect Social Security.
The core problem is that he just cannot relate to or make light of the concerns of anyone who isn’t an upper middle class patron of classical music who grew up in a strict parochial school.
FC – Today’s strip is a tie-in with Little Golden Books’ Great Literature for Young Readers series: “As Jeffy Keane awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic insect.”
MW, panel 4: “Soon, Dirk my darling child, our revenge will be complete! Heh heh!”
@Calvin’s Cardboard Box: Brooke looking at pictures of teenagers may or may not be a good thing, depending on how quickly the FBI can catch on to him.
MW: Surprisingly, the most unrealistic part of this isn’t that Belle flew cross-country with the goal of landing Wilbur Weston, when surely there are an abundance of dumpy middle-aged losers in Orlando she could prey on (many of whom probably don’t have adult daughters living with them who need to be gotten out of the way first). No, the most unrealistic part is that when the time inevitably comes for Wilbur to choose between his only daughter and a woman willing to be physically affectionate with him, he will side with the former.
RMMD: I’m used to Rex Morgan being anti-climactic, but this is “Poochie died in the way to his home planet” levels of dealing with the conflict.
SFx: My maternal grandmother passed away a few months ago, so I can tell you from current experience that while “one person cuts, other person chooses” is a perfectly acceptable method for dealing with the last brownie or slice of pizza, it doesn’t work for an estate. Mostly because estates consist primarily of a) things which cannot easily be divided equitably, like property or personal heirlooms and b) things which absolutely nobody wants, not even Goodwill, like seriously these encyclopedias are older than your grandchildren and half the countries in them don’t even exist anymore…
Rex Morgan – Credit where it’s due: I did not see that coming.
My understanding is that if Stalker can’t be revived, the responders would call the coroner. For some reason, the coroner will be unavailable, and they’ll call Rex instead. He’ll have to do a quick Google search on “how to tell if someone is dead.” “Hmm – take his pulse? Listen for heartbeat? Where is the heart again?”
Mary Worth – Ye gods, what a juvenile action. Her craziness will undoubtedly escalate. I hope she doesn’t go all Fatal Attraction on Willa.
Frazz – I thought this was kind of sweet. Hell just froze over.
A cynic might think that Caulfield was just too lazy to bother picking the flower.
Pluggers – Must be a state that doesn’t have vehicle inspection requirements.
Curtis: Greg, if you didn’t want to set this up, you could have gone for Chinese. This one’s pretty much on you.
DT: Seriously, the nephews are meant to be so dumb that they think the body they tried to steal really is the uncle who told them to steal it? And one of them can drive?
FC: “Is there a word for that? Like, he can’t be a furry, because bugs don’t have fur. A carapacy?”
JP: I love that Sophie has a Live Aid poster on her wall, indicating that her in depth knowledge of and passion for charity work stops some time before she was born.
MW: I can’t wait to see what Belle’s incredibly on-the-nose karaoke picks are. Is there a fairy-tale musical where the wicked stepmother gets a song about how she’s going to destroy the heroine in order to have the father all to herself?
P&HU: I said yesterday that I’d heard the strip was ending. Apparently, it’s doing so gradually — the lines today, then presumably the colours one after another.
SFx: A while ago I read a book by maths populariser Ian Stewart with one piece in which he used a story about gang of crooks dividing up their loot to explore variants of the “I cut, you choose” system for groups of three or more people. The story ended with them staring at a large diamond in the middle of the table, and the brains of the outfit saying of course, the system did depend on the goods being infinitely divisible. What I’m saying is that, despite Slylock’s best efforts, that painting is going to end up torn in half, possibly even on purpose.
Slylock Fox and Comics for Kids: I had not expected The Caucasian Chalk Circle For Kids today, but I can’t say I’m opposed.
FC: Jeffy’s already like a bug: a gastrointestinal bug.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: “Rex Morgan, MILF Diver – Not easy to do in a car, I realize, but I hope that Stalky McGoatee died from auto-erotic asphyxiation.”
Not at all. Tie one end of a silk scarf around your neck, the other end to the steering wheel, and spin a few times.
……what?
DT: I’m not sure what a “bubble-headed bezi-bazouk” is, but I will call someone that at the earliest opportunity.
Dustin: The only way I believe this is if Dustdad just drove a knife into his son’s back.
JP: Honestly I would think Reena would be jumping at the chance to get out of the United States for a few years.
Luann: Ladies, I can assure you that even the most devoted fan of Luann has never once thought, “I wonder how Luann and Bernice would weigh in on the hard-hitting issues of the day?”
“Okay, you take the painting. I’ll take this sword. Now I’ll take the painting and you keep your spleen, thank you.” See? They didn’t need that useless fox at all.
***
Is Belle after Wilbur’s money? He’s an advice columnist in a 21st century media landscape. I’m hoping she’s really not that bright because she only other explanation is that she is actually really into him, and that makes her a danger to herself and others, even without the photo defilement.
Luann: I must admit, the Evanses trolling their readers is kind of fun, in the “I feel weird about myself” kind of way…
RM, MD: Meh — boring — still no action.
SFx: Basset hound judge is an homage to Fred Gwynne in My Cousin Vinny.
@Banana Jr. 6000: I had the same thought: Florida Woman.
The spooky thing is not that Belle wants to eliminate Dawn….it’s that she means to TAKE HER EYES.
SFx: For a second I thought the mini-strip at the bottom was Judge Parker.
MT: Is this about pigeons or the Irish? I’m confused.
Old joke repurposed.
Augie Doggie Style: “I think he’s dead.”
911: “The first thing to do is make sure he’s dead.”
BLAM!
Augie Doggie Style: “OK, what’s next?”
Slylock Fox: Slylock’s solution will probably be to abuse his dystopian police powers to just confiscate the painting for himself and sell it on the black market, followed by having these geese sisters beaten to death with nightsticks if they file a complaint with his superiors.
Mary Worth: So I guess this is going to be a gender-inverted version of the “Dawn dates an abuser” plot. Unlike Dirk – who it was near-impossible to tell if he was gonna be treated as a villain til the last minute and got a sob story “justifying” his actions – Belle is a woman and her target is Wilbur. Thus she will be portrayed as evil incarnate from day one.
Rex Morgan: This is the most Rex Morgan way this plotline could’ve ended. No tension, no drama, no payoff. The problem just abruptly solves itself and everyone probably forgets about it in about a week unless the writer becomes inexplicably fascinated by some new character from it.
@Horace Broon: P&hU FYI the Sundays are continuing, it’s just a gocomics problem (colour and black layers didn’t go out to all distributors? – weiirrrrrdd) with other strips too, the actual one is at https://dialognews.ca/2025/03/30/phoebe-and-her-unicorn-march-30-2025/
FC: gotta say I’m loving Daddy’s haggard, long-suffering face in the final panel, er circle. He’s thinking “I knew she should have had an abortion, that was the pregnancy where she wouldn’t stop drinking…”
Now I want to see the introduction of an evil twin named Sylock Fox.
@CanuckDownSouth: Thank you! ISTR something like this has happened before with … Heathcliff maybe? … and Josh commented on it.
Fusco Brothers: Sorry but I read the last word in the strip today as ‘crotch’ and it’s bothering me now.
MW: Belle needs to speak to the manager of this comic.
RMMD: This was probably a suicide. If you’re a cartoon Lincoln with a two bit part in Rex Morgan you know the end of your career is nigh, and the occasional Bizarro gig isn’t gonna pay the mortgage no matter how clever.
@Mikey: re: MT: While the Irish Diaspora were indeed brought to the Americas through Human Activity, there are no records of them ever being kept as pets.
Slylock Fox – Like most economics theories, Slylock’s logic is based on the notion that people (and sentient animals) are rational actors trying to get the best deal for themselves. In this case, Slylock assumes the cousin picking the list will try to avoid personal losses. But in highly emotional cases like this, both cousins already feel like they are losing by settling, so the game becomes about trying to make the other person lose more. There are many ways the values at play here (economic, emotional, historical, prestige) can be manipulated that will do nothing to solve the underlying issues. Plus, what happens if the other cousin doesn’t choose either list and extends this fight?
Mary Worth – “We’ll just include a third person” – famous last words that ruin a lot of relationships. Now excuse me while I mentally prepare for Dawn developing an Electra complex. **vomits**
Rex Morgan, MD – If Rex is going to be imposed upon to do actual medical work, he should also check out the source of Augie’s jaundice yellow eyes.
MW: We just wrapped up a Weston In An Abusive Relationship storyline, let’s start up another one.
RMMD:
“It would appear as if I really got his goat[ee].”
FC: Jeffy actually said he wanted to be an entomologist but Bil couldn’t spell it.
R.I.P. Richard Chamberlain.
I remember the Dr. Kildare TV show, although I liked Ben Casey better. I even have Chamberlain’s record of the theme from the TV show.
The Thorn Birds miniseries was a favorite of mine.
Thant’s what we did when we split a big bad of weed. One cuts it up and the other picks,
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: #48: Easier than you think. Z-grade movie director Coleman Francis, whose whopping life’s work of three movies all riffed by MST3K, was found dead in his car in what was most likely an attempt at auto-erotic asphyxiation gone awry.
SFx: So the estate consists of one masterpiece painting and a half dozen boxes of old clothes, knicknacks, a leaky garden hose, some hangers, a tupperware collection, and other assorted household junk. Good plan, Sly. Yeah, that should work.
PV: Sea trip!! Italian vacation!! Oh, I know they usually pick up Horses on site for these location sequences, but *somebody* has to do the Equine choreography! And luckily I’m not prone to sea-sickness, and can swim if necessary. I look forward to working with the locals there – I’d better brush up on my Italian… and I’ll probably need some new resort wear.
So what’s with the retro black-and-white delivery this week? I certainly hope they have this fixed by next week – shades of mottled grey are not my best look. I fear this may be part of a cost-cutting plan – I absolutely refuse to sail to Italy in steerage! Bon voyage!!
@Cleveland Mocks: It’s pretty clear that Slylock decided not to use his keen senses of observation and deduction this time and has just trotted out an old chestnut.
Who can blame him, though? This isn’t detective work. It’s literally the job of the arbiter who is right there. Slylock is justifiably pissed off and just wants to leave as quickly as possible.
Cartooning Tip : Need to design a new character? Try checking the change in your pocket, perhaps it will have a cool silhouette you can copy.
MW: Poking out the eyes is a little more effective—plus it lets light shine through and turns the eyes in a photograph into burning orbs, which really works for Dawn, Spawn of the Devil.
@Horace Broon: MW: A more fitting karaoke song, could be quite a few songs from the show “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend”
For Wilbur normally I would choose the song “I’m the villain of my own story” but ironically he’s not the villain this time around.
MW: This eye blackout is indeed menacing, especially coupled with Belle’s scary eyebrows and her creepy trademark “heh heh.” But the real question is what Belle will do with the defaced photo. Is she going to set it right back where she found it and hope each Weston will assume the other Weston did the scribbling and will be too horrified/terrified to say anything? Or will she hide the photo in her luggage so it can later be added to her very special photo collection acquired from previous Wilburs?
@Tabby Lavalamp: Yes, Wilbur is an advice columnist who also writes exploitative survival stories but apparently he’s able to afford a condo in Southern California, luxury vacations and cruises, (presumably) Dawn’s college tuition, and a large and diverse shoe collection (“…for a man”) without any sign that he’s hurting for money. Apparently he’s also able to do his job from home and he regularly outsources the advice column to Mary because he’s too lazy to actually do anything. Either he’s getting massive alimony payments from the ex wife so he stays far away from her, he’s been playing the stock market very well, or Moy doesn’t know/care how the economy works.
MT – What the heck does “bungle the air” mean? I think Jules Rivera was brought in to bungle Mark Trail.
MW – All of which will be much ado about nothing, when we discover that Belle is merely scheming to cast Dawn in her Alice Cooper cover band.
The great thing is that at first, I figured “maybe he’s very sleepy from all the stalking” was going to apply to the droopy bloodhound arbitrator in Slylock Fox.
FC-Thank god Holier Than Thou Grandmother doesn’t know about Jeffy’s desire to walk on water or else she would hold him underwater until he can.
@Melody, the seagoing Mare: well now we know where the black plate from Baby Blues went!
@scratchy scrotum LXIX: RMMD: glad someone picked up on the AUTO part of the asphyxiation.
@richardf8: MW: The Realm of the Senses reference – maybe one day Belle Batsfrey will be as notorious as Sada Abe
DT: Ok, so new the dentist will be questioned, but is that where things screw up – the John Doe body’s dental work doesn’t match the Uncle’s. Is his scheme to work in places, get a life insurance policy and then collect? Hardly Double Indemnity. Or is he faking a series of these frauds to get back at his old employer, the Volcano insurance firm?
I, for one, would like to commend both RMMD and Mary Worth for taking an unexpected, and most welcome, hard left turn at Batshit Insani-querque.
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV:I think this is a comment on an editorial environment that has a lot of cartoonists walking on eggshells.
After a moment of awkward silence, Slylock grinned and said he was just kidding about the lists, the obvious solution being pistols at dawn, an approach with many advantages, not least the part of the civil code that stated that in the absence of any surviving beneficiaries, the inheritance would become property of the state, with a tidy 10% making its way into Slylock’s pockets.
@I speak Jive: #117: Back in the 60s MAD did a spoof of Dr. Kildare, where he killed Ben Casey in a botched surgery.
MW: That Wilbur washed the lipstick marks off before shedding that layer of epidermis is a surprise. That Belle Batsfrey turns out to be Alex Forrest’s much stupider niece is not.
RMMD: Sounds dramatic, but given the odds stacked against anything actually happening, my money is still on whoever is in the car just being a really sound sleeper.
C-Shaft: Creakception.
DT: “They were Mutt and Jeff, and for some reason the shorter one tried to make himself even shorter by doing a Chuck Berry duckwalk while he carried the office plant out. Overall they were as good at being inconspicuous as you’d expect.”
JP: Sometime next week Sophie is going to reveal that this thing actually has a point. I must ready myself.
Lockhorns: Leroy is claiming to have been in his 20s when Apple was the Beatles’ record company, so evidently he hasn’t gotten the memo about he and Loretta being Millennials.
Luann: No, no, Luann was right the first time.
Obviously “Belle Batfrey” is a play on bats in the belfry, so of course she turns out to be a creepy stalker, but this is the same strip that gave us the delightful anagram LOAD STALKER. I’m starting to think you just don’t have the juice anymore, Mary Worth.
After fourteen second chances to get their exciting new adventure strip off and running, the Mara Llave team (sons-in-law of the Syndicate owner) kick into high gear this morning by running….a repeat of last Sunday’s “we’re kicking this into high gear, Dad! We promise!*” strip.
* ”DON’T call me DAD.”
BB: The Hurleyburg vets are honoring Halftrack with a special dinner. Guess he’s known for his love of cats and dogs and kindness to dumb animals or sumpin.’
Belle killed Lincoln and covered her crime by crossing out his license plate with her Sharpe™! Now we have to figure out how to divide up Wilber between Belle and Dawn. Mary wants the comb over. Are we sure its a Sharpe™, and not a Magic Kingdom Marker™? Better call Sly!
@Ukulele Ike: Feel the highness of the gear!
@TheDiva: The “bezi-bazouk” thing is borrowed from Captain Haddock in Tintin, who used “Bashi-bazouks!” as part of a litany of curses at whatever he was mad at. (“Duck-billed platypus! Jellied eel! Bashi-bazouk!” and so on.) Bashi-bazouks in turn were were Ottoman soldiers, not always remembered in good terms.
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: You sure Luann isn’t being aimed at us?. (“Well, curmudgeons? Got any snark for us now, huh? Huh?” Bring it on, losers!”
Prince Valiant: Yup, when the idea well starts to run dry, throw in an unknown sibling. The stories just flow like molten gold!
Slylick will Institute the Rex Morgan Maneuver™… take all the stuff himself and do nothing to earn it.
@Dr. Pill: PV – Prince Valiant has its own Ann Parker now?!?!
Will Dawn end up being sewn into a Dusty Duck™ park character costume?
“Dirk the Jerk, this is Belle from Hell. Belle, Dirk. I believe you have similar hobbies, such as exploiting the naivete of those hapless Westons. I’ll leave you two to laugh maniacally together!”
@Dr. Pill: I read that as Otterman soldiers, and I’m thinking “Awwww how adorable” then I realized… oh.
@Bogeyman Weather: I always liked the analogy of The Joker who literally has bats in his belfry, because of his 24/7 obsession with battling Bat-man. Their “game” being his only goal in life.
(But seriously I have no idea why his name is under the banned words list)
@Guillermo el chiclero: I forgot about that MAD parody until you mentioned it. I don’t remember the surgery, but I remember other parts of it. Dr. Gillespie (or whatever his parody name was) advised him never to order a hamburger in a hospital cafeteria.
@GarrisonSkunk: “Belle killed Lincoln…”
She shouted, “Sic semper dumbasses!” She’s a real sockdologizing old mantrap.
RMMD – “As usual, I, Rex, do nothing to further anything! No one did! It’s uncanny, and great for me!”
MW – Hey, a Cannibal Corpse album and a picture of Marilyn Monroe with the eyes cut out were a great birthday gift. Let me babysit your children!
@Guillermo el chiclero: RIP Richard Chamberlain, the TV Dr. Kildaire.
MW: The problem solves itself when Batfink invites herself to dinner with Wilbur and Dawn. Wilbur can miss a lot of clues but when she vomits on his dinner after watching Dawn eat. That’s a line she shouldn’t have crossed.
@GarrisonSkunk: Didn’t that use to be the Judge Parker gimmick years back? Smug dicks who just have random “expensive” stuff given to them for no reason?
I don’t think HTT Grandma is going to like Jeffy comparing Jesus to a bug.
@The Rambling Otter: Quite possibly, I was just parroting someone else’s theory.Neither one seems to do much for their paychecks.
Three stars will shine tonight … Farewell, Richard Chamberlain.
Wilbur’s new girlfriend has the possibility of being a shittier person than Wilbur
AND I’M ALL FOR IT BECAUSE WILBUR HASNT SUFFERED ENOUGH YET
MW: Ok guys, this is spoilers, but I figured out how things are going to go (probably in 3 months as this plot slowly plods forward). Dawn’s abusive boyfriend is going to hook up with Wilbur’s abusive girlfriend. Maybe they will even be caught in the act by Mary herself! Won’t that be hilarious.
And now a bit of revenge for all my striped fellow mephit brothers and sisters in the audience….Dead guy in the middle of the road, Dead guy in the middle of the road, Dead guy in the middle of the road, stinking the high heavens!
Look, Slylock, if Uncle Ronnie put in his will that he wanted these two to agree on everything with no further details, then clearly he wanted their relationship to be permanently destroyed by this. Let a dying duck have his final wish! You don’t know them, maybe they deserve it.
@matt w: it’s ok because birds don’t have breasts
______________________
Chickens have breasts.
Holy shit, are you telling me Mary Worth actually has an *interesting* character?!
Slylock: Which of Uncle Ronnie’s items has Max enraptured? Is it the vintage model train locomotive? That valuable silver candelabra? Or is it the giant machete and oversized flask?
RMMD: As indicated by the profile and facial hair, in a surprise twist the man in the car is actually Torontonian character actor Raymond Massey, well known for his portrayal of our 16th president in “Abraham Lincoln in Illinois” and “How the West was Won.” As Massey passed away in 1983, this means that the car either contains a zombie, a mummy, or a 42-year time portal. Luckily, family doctor Rex Morgan is adequately trained to handle any of these eventualities.