Are his wish-granting capabilities all sunflower-focused
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Heathcliff, 5/21/25
Real heads who read Heathcliff daily know that most weeks have a theme of some sort — “dirt week”, “garbage week”, and so forth. This week is “sunflower week,” and the way it’s unfolded is a pretty good demonstration of how the current delightfully deranged iteration of Heathcliff works. Monday’s panel was pretty normal, all things considered: Heathcliff and a baseball manager are sitting in a dugout, Heathcliff is spitting sunflower seeds the way baseball players do, there are a bunch of very tall sunflowers (normal sunflowers without human faces, mind you) growing in the dugout, taking up most of the room, and the manager says “No more chewing sunflower seeds.” You could see a version of this as a New Yorker cartoon. But things have escalated: today Heathcliff is standing in the outfield, summoning a grinning, sunglasses-wearing spirit, the so-called “Genie of the Sunflower Seeds,” from his snack packet. And it’s only Wednesday! Imagine how much weirder this could potentially get!
Mary Worth, 5/21/25
Is it, Belle? Is it cute that Wilbur is admitting, right in front of Willa, that originally he liked Stellan better, and now considers Willa his “best little buddy” only because Stellan died? Because I don’t think that’s cute at all, actually. I think it’s pretty fucked up.
The Phantom, 5/21/25
Some might criticize the continuity strips for their glacial pacing, especially strips that are supposed to be about superheroic action. But if The Phantom were fast-paced, could it afford to spend an entire strip on Kit’s erotic reverie? That’s not a tradeoff I’m willing to make!
132 replies to “Are his wish-granting capabilities all sunflower-focused”
MW:
“Too bad I can’t fit in there, Wilbur! — ’cause if I could, I’d come out of it after being submerged. You know, like Glenn Close’s ‘Alex’ came out of the bathtub in Fatal Attraction!”
Friday — winner-take-all steel cage match between the Genie of the Sunflower Seeds and the Garbage Ape. Get your bets down now!
MW – A few drops of Clog-B-Gone in the fish tank will solve this problem for Batts.
MW: Belle is into goldfish, but she likes them dead, with their little golden bodies compressed into flat squares and strung on a necklace.
MW: That look in Belle’s eyes leads me to suspect that soon Willa will be sleeping with the fishes.
Oh, wait…
Phantom: “Gee, Mrs. Daft, I just somehow realized that you would actually be pretty, well, hot, you know, if you were just a young Black chick in a bikini!”
I thought today’s “Six Chix” was kind of funny. I should make an appointment with my doctor.
MW – Just what is Batts doing back there, donning a strap-on? “If you’re into that sort of thing.”
MW: “Oh, great, this guy gets his jollies from fish. Who do I have to kill, NOW?”
RMMD: “Everyone dust off your cowboy boots! “
MW: Hard to say at this point whether Wilbur’s long journey into complete psychosis will be accelerated or mitigated by Belle. In any event, it’s like the case of a man wearing two hats. I’d rather focus on Wilbur’s descent into total madness without her distractions.
MW: Kit is getting off by imagining Savarna Devi using his coffee cup as a toilet, and we’re worried about WILBUR’s issues…?
Beetle Bailey: Yes, if Miss Blips smiled more, Miss Buxley would end up with the three-day-old donut.
RMMD: Wait…Weren’t Niki and Rosie the Riveter going to Lou’s to see Big Sandy? That was on May 11th and they were going “this weekend” so in RMMD time, that’s probably *this* weekend. I’m wagering that Kelly and Young Lyle Lovett end up there too. Everybody goes to Lou’s!
Dear Wendy: My psychotic killer girlfriend is grinning like Chucky while thought-ballooning about how weird I am, and she’s right. Have I hit rock bottom? –W. W., Santa Royale
Dear W.W.: You can go lower. I believe in you!
Calling it now: Bella’s going to flush that fish.
If you follow Batts’ eyes, she’s looking up at Heathcliff and saying “aw, that’s cute.” The sunflower that’s trippin’ stamens has outdone Batts in the Demented Grin category, and Batts respects its game.
We all know “Stellan and Willa” are a stand-in for Wilbur’s lost relationship with Estelle, which he still isn’t over despite having a new live-in partner. Which means Mary Worth and Crankshaft have similar themes today. A very old man is acting like a lovesick high schooler over a woman who rejected him years or decades ago. This behavior isn’t romantic, cute, endearing, charming, or anything positive. It’s pathetic, invasive, self-entitled, and disgusting. I wish newspaper comics would stop glorifying it.
Wilbur, there’s a movie I want you to watch one night after Belle goes to sleep (if she ever sleeps, that is– those eyes make it unlikely), and that movie is Fatal Attraction, because if you ever tell her that you named your best-buddy fish after your ex-girlfriend, you are either going to come home to the world’s tiniest sushi roll or the world’s most unsettling “pork roast,” and I promise you that you will not catch on until months later (should you live that long, and let’s just say my money’s elsewhere on that particular wager).
Phantom: Kit’s just gonna start going down on that coffee cup, isn’t he?
Please tell me Bats In The Bellefry is going to dress up as a goldfish.
DtM: Hotdog: “I call it my outdoor litter box.”
JP: At least we can be grateful they didn’t take all damn week quipping about how packing is haaaarrddd!
Luann: No Luann, this isn’t messy. If you move out, your parents will kick out Bernice because they will no longer need her in the house to make sure you don’t burn it down the next time you stick a curling iron up your hoo-hah, and Phil may be looking for a place to live (is he really or did the senile old bat just make that up?) but he’s not so dumb as to plant himself in the ‘eye of the storm’ as it were.
MW: Oh no… we’re gonna see Belle climb into Wilbur’s lap wearing a goldfish costume, like Smithers did in that one episode of ‘The Simpsons’ where Mr. Burns wanted his childhood teddy bear. ‘Feel my silky scales, look into my dead, unblinking eyes!’ Eeauughh….
Mary Worth: Belle is confused, and rightly so. Why have one little thing when you could have eight?
RMMD: Rex knows Lou’s Nite Spot well enough to say it’s très appropriate for the wedding but June’s never heard of it. Will a skeleton in Rex’ closet finally see the light of day? (unlike all the skeletons in the cemetery he’s responsible for).
Heathcliff: If the Sunflower Genie can grant wishes, I certainly hope the first is to replace Iggy’s partial face mask with a complete unit.
Oh, who am I kidding: this strip is like experiencing a closed head injury, why shouldn’t it be the same for the characters as it is the readers?
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: (I say this with love, I am a daily Heathcliff reader, slack-jawed at the mental process it must take to come up with its jokes.)
@Charterstoned: I, like you, thought Kit was daydreaming of Savarna. But I think this is supposed to be Kadia after their beach trip. Either way, Mrs. Daft is about to get an eye full of Kit’s hormones.
There’s a garbage week on Heathcliff? I thought that was more of an ongoing theme…
I’m on tenterhooks for the next weeks of Mary Worth. Will Willa just be found dead. Or will Mary lead a posse into the room just as Belle is about to pour drain cleaner into the fish tank?
[Or perhaps: Wilbur discovers her about to ‘clean’ the tank, and Belle is apologetic about her mistake, but a dark weed of suspicion starts to grow in Wilbur’s Eden.]
You might think Willa will be dismayed to be treated like a silver metal, but remember that Willa is a fish with a consciousness barely superior to a plant, so the problem is Wilbur projecting his emotion to it
MW: Belle sporting an almost wistful look in panel two. Deranged, yes, but wistfully deranged.
Genies are real and acknowledged in the Heathcliff universe! So the culture warriors were right, Islamic rules are being imposed to American culture!
Mary Worth: What exactly is it that makes Wilbur Weston — a short, squat, publicly embarrassing alcoholic with a penchant for neglecting his daughter and cruel pranks perpetrated on the people who inexplicably mourn his supposed passing — such catnip for women? [Looks over at Ian Cameron] Oh. Never mind, question answered.
Heathcliff : can’t wait for THAT character to gradually lose their impact thru over-use, just like Jimmy-the-Toad-no-one-likes, the Man-eating-Giant, those robots Heathcliff owns, and even the Garbage Ape.
*************
Mary Worth : Sheesh,
JoshBelle, it’s not like Wilbur has gone full Troy McClure!yet*************
The Phantom : For a second there, I thought this was a printing error and there had been a Reese’s-like incident involving today’s Phantom and Judge Parker comic strips, or something.
@Ettorre: Fish are quite smart, actually! Including goldfish. But even if goldfish were dumb as bricks, Willa would still be the smartest member of the Weston family.
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: Ugh, such blatant male wish fullfillment! [Pass notes] What do you mean ‘it’s written and drawn by women’?!?!
The Phantom: Why is mini-Kadia squatting on the rim of Kit’s mug like that? Is she putting something extra into his coffee? God, I hope so.
Maybe if the genie helps Heathcliff hit better they’ll be able to play on a real baseball field with a real backstop and not on a bare spot of ground at the Shakespeare in the Park stage.
Phantom: The colorists were so distracted by the cheesecake reveries that they couldn’t identify the wall behind Mrs. Daft. So now it looks like Kadia is carrying around a beach background that wipes out half a tree.
Luann: No, it’s simple – when you tell your parents they are going to hurt themselves trying not to laugh at the idea that your part-time weekend job can pay for monthly rent.
BB: I generally have no dislike of Miss Buxley, but I find it hard to believe she actually believes the crap she’s been told about how she’s given privileges for a nice smile or just being a girl. Instead I read this with the cattiest put-down voice possible, really rubbing it in that Miss Blips is nowhere near as hot as she and will never, not for a million smiles, get the treatment Buxley does
@McManx: TBH, I haven’t been reading the Phantom lately, so my ID was an unlucky guess. Weird imagery, just the same. Maybe I should stick to commenting on Wilbur’s rippling fingers—although if there is a subliminal message contained in those, I don’t want to know about it.
MW: Is the conversation boring you, Belle? Then why not tell Wilbur about something you’re into? Oh, right.
MW – What else would a goldfish’s brother be but another goldfish, Belle? A monkfish?
Heathcliff- If this was Garfield, the “Genie of the Sunflower Seeds” would be trademarked and merchandized all to hell, with displays set up in Walmarts and Targets across the country. But for Heathcliff spits sunflower seeds in Jim Davis’ face, creating yet another magical, non-monetized myth into this world.
Mary Worth – Thank God Pierre got away from Wilbur before he met Belle.
MW: Predictably, this is going to lead into a plot point about Belle killing the fish which finally awakens Wilbur to her nefarious ways, but I think it would be more delightful if, instead, it went down a path of Belle realizing how lame Wilbur is. She then gives up her plot to kill Dawn, not because of seeing the error of her ways, but because she realizes that this dude is NOT worth it.
Turns out Bella is an aquarist and she has used her knowledge to devise the perfect revenge on her fishy rival. She will slip an oscar fish into the tank, and if the new addition doesn’t eat Willa outright, its territorial nature will still put Wilbur’s friend through unspeakable tortures.
“Ah, young Phantom, I can see by the glazed look in your eyes that the peyote has kicked in. Enjoy your visions of pleasure as we condition you to only obey the orders of . . . Mrs. Daniels, the Phantom’s greatest nemesis. Yes, all the evils that have befallen you and your family have been carefully choreographed by me, Mrs. Daniels, a housewife and mother of three living outside of Wooster, Ohio. And soon my triumph will be complete, when I turn you against . . . oh, the cookies are done. Just sit there, dear, I’ll be right back with fresh snickerdoodles and vengeance!”
Crankshaft – Batiuk undoubtedly thinks this is a tragic love story, but it isn’t. It’s glurge. Very stupid glurge.
JP – I can’t understand why these two geniuses didn’t have everything packed up beforehand, so they could leave immediately after graduation. Surely they have people for this kind of thing. Heck, Marie was right there.
Pluggers – I call BS. She’s holding up the prescription bottles, but he has his pills in several of those weekly pill holders that are labeled with the days of the week, one for his morning pills, one for dinnertime, and one for bedtime. Everyone knows that pluggers know what day it is thanks to those pill holders.
Rex Morgan – I can’t wait. And the reception will be at Wanda’s mom and pop diner. I guarantee it. None of that fancy-schmancy food from Jordan Like the Country’s restaurant.
That genie is clearly Bob the Angry Flower, so Heathcliff must be wishing to be in a lesser known but better comic.
***
I will forgive Karen Moy all her sins if this story line ends with Belle coming to the realization that she was trying to commit murder over Wilbur Effin’ Weston and has herself committed.
Don Abundio, translated:
“It may not get a laugh, but that old gag could still pay off big with the right policy”
[Sign: INSURANCE AGENT]
Belle is an aquarist and she has devised the perfect revenge for her fishy rival. She will put an oscar fish in the tank, and if the territorial predator doesn’t eat Willa outright, its aggression will permanently traumatize Wilbur’s little friend.
CS: He’s wearing his hat indoors, back in the “hat days”? What a rebel!
MW: That’s not refraction, Wilbur’s fingers just look like that.
Phantom: The Ghost Who Trips
MW:
Dear Ms Moy,
When Willa saves Dawn and exposes Belle for being a murderous psycho, will she be holding a little fish-sized gun or a full-scale human one?
—Shamu
MW: Prediction: Belle is totally going to attempt to murder Stellan. Maybe even try to serve it to Dawn to kill two
birdsfish with one stone? The details are still unclear but that fish is marked for death.Ph: There’s a lot going on in this scene, but out of the three depictions of Kadio I’m really fixated on the one on the right, who seems to be taking a dump in Kit’s coffee? I mean, whatever gets you off, man, but I’d probably wouldn’t bring that up until the fifth date.
DT: Getting full value out of those straight edges and pre-drawn perspective layouts.
MW: What are the list of possible reasons for what we’ve seen so far: (1) Bats is psychotic – she has the appropriate name play Belle Batsfrey, audience did see her try to poison Dawnie twice, she has a bug eyed look – classic DT idea – villains are physically different, (2) Bats has an untreated illness – maybe she has some endocrine disorder leading her to her psychosis – ? hyperthyroid – which would explain the buggy eyes ? some complex multiple endocrine disorder which would explain her eyes and unexplained attraction to Wilbur.
What is actually hoped for: Belle has already trussed up Dawnie and is waiting for the chance to distract Wilbur and then dispose of the body.
RMMD: After weeks of saving on backgrounds with the extreme close ups – drawing a new background like a church, courthouse or some other venue would seem fair.
Marvin: Wake up and smell the coffee, Dingus. Friends and family, esp. loved ones, don’t let seniors climb ladders.
BG&SS: Now jes’ hold it here a dadgum minit. It wuz jes’ two days back that Barney wuz bein’ praised for durn good lawyerin’ cuz he wuz gittin’ all his clients off scot-free. But now today, theyze all gittin’ the maxy-mum. Guess ol’ Barney done run outta bribe chickins or sumpin.
MW: It was then that Belle realized she was the sane one in the relationship.
Phantom: There’s a lot going on in today’s strip but I’d like to focus on Mrs. Daft, who seems to have taken an edible with her morning coffee. No wonder she doesn’t want any ruckus or hurly-burly, it harshes her buzz.
Phantom: Kudos to Manley for drawing Kadia like a normal young woman (thick waist, cellulite thighs) instead of the comic book superheroine treatment (giant perky boobs, showgirl legs) that 40-something Missus Phantom always gets.
Luann: Phil has been sleeping in the back seat of his 1965 Volkswagen Beetle in the nursing home parking lot. It’s convenient to work, but his back is getting a little stiff.
RMMD-Isn’t Lou’s Nite Spot where you pay by the hour?
MW-Devastated is putting it mildly. Wilbur fell into a massive depression.
MW-“He’s nuttier than me.”
Luann-Why Luann hasn’t even signed the lease to an apartment in a sketchy part of town yet.
Heathcliff is a bit late in their promotional tie-in for the 2009 hit video game Plants versus Zombies. Up next week, Heathcliff is chased through a maze by four ghosts.
@Bakery Jumpscare: Or if Belle realized the obvious truth that “Stellan” is a stand-in for Wilbur’s failed relationship with another woman, which he somehow still isn’t over. Granted, that story played out before Belle entered the picture. But she is detecting that Wilbur has a weird emotional attachment to his fish, an animal that isn’t even capable of companionship.
FC: An exhausted and deflated Thel greets Jeffy at the door after a marathon PJ feeding session. “You and me both, kid.”
MW: “If you’re into that sort of thing.” Anybody who’s into a sort of thing called Wilbur Weston shouldn’t think sarcastically about what others are into.
MW: Yeah, yeah, we *get* it, Wilbur. Stellan was The Best. So what am I, chopped mackerel? Oh, right, *now* I’m your best little buddy! Honest to Neptune, this guy is the worst! How he keeps his job here I don’t know. He couldn’t act his way out of a Fishbowl. Sid thinks he has some dirt on The Ladies, I dunno.
But I’ll put up with him for this Opportunity of a Lifetime! I thought I’d never get a Fish-in-Peril storyline plus a Death Scene! And I see the audience is playing right into it – imagining all sorts of gory endings for me!! I’ve got them in the palm of my fin! This is so great!!!
Man, that genie is cool. He’s too cool for a Healthcliff cartoon. He ought to be the 90s throwback mascot for sunbutter, with a catchphrase like “It’s got Vitamin B1, yo!”
Am I the only one here concerned about Belle’s neck? She’s been drawn about a dozen times in the current storyline, and each time her head is more off-kilter from the rest of her body. Should we call a doctor? Or should we assume Moy & Brigman are doing the job drunk?
The Ghost Who Wanks.
C’shaft: This is the point in any customer service interaction where you just smile and nod until it’s all over.
Do you think Larry Dinkle is as insufferable as his (grand?)son? Does he promote his self-serving memoirs between sets and insist Claude Barlow was the greatest contributor to big band music?
Luann: Wait, I thought Luann was “saving up” for her own place? But suddenly everyone’s acting like this part-time fast-food job has given her complete financial independence? It hasn’t even given her PTO!
MT: Speaking of cringe…
RMMD: “What with them being godless heathens and all.”
JP:
“All packed?” Says Reena as she juts proudly.
“Yep”; says Sophie as she adjusts her push-up bra.
“What about the luggage?”
“That too”
RMMD: “So Truck finally got Wanda knocked up, huh? Oops, I mean they finally set the date, huh?”
MW: [“. . . If you’re into that sort of thing. And I am definitely into that sort of thing. Of course, we’re gonna need a bigger fish. Maybe two . . .”]
Phantom: “Kit, I hate to interrupt your breakfast, but could you come over here a minute and give me a hand with this?”
“Uh, I’m sorry, Mrs. Daft, but I better not stand up right now.”
@Boomer: Her head will fly off her body like a demented blue jay, cackling evilly.
CS: “That’s nice, sir, but why don’t you go tell someone who gives a shit.”
“Well, that’s the thing, ma’am. No one does. People avoid me like the plague.”
Todays Phantom is a gift to regular readers of the comic. Not in a fan-service way; only faithful readers will understand what’s going on and not think this must be a printing error of something.
@Boomer: Belle is distantly related to DT’s Mr. Bribery.
@Hibbleton: Soph was rockin’ the cheesecake pose in yesterday’s strip, chest pushed out, bottom pooched, eyelashes flirtatiously lowered. Surprised no one commented.
Manley really should be taking better advantage of this scene. I remember the days when JP put a female private eye in an evening gown three sizes too small for no reason other than fanservice.
Heathcliff – When he said he was into Jinn, I thought he meant Bombay Sapphire….
MW – If you want a friend in Washington get a dog. If you want a friend at the Charterstone pick up psycho at Playa del Carmen….
Phantom – Panel one is quite disturbing. Mother – please get out of my erotic fantasy….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
FG: I seek the source of the Black Flame, which will get me back my job at WDIG.
CS: No wonder Eugene has never been able to move on and find another woman. He’s run every other prospect off by his nonstop blathering about Lucy MacKenzie.
Mary Worth: It would be genuinely hilarious if this storyline swerved into even Belle starting to find Wilbur creepy and insane. If anyone could make a deranged killer unnerved, its certainly Wilbur.
The Phantom: Credit due where credit is due, this might be the only time I can recall where a newspaper comic successfully made a character seem attractive.
@Boomer: #64
“Or should we assume Moy & Brigman are doing the job drunk?”
Quite honestly, they would have to be to come up with this ludicrous storyline…or else we readers would have to be to get through it…
MW: Recalling Wilbur’s wild emotional spiral at the death of Stellan Skarsgold(fish) I’m suddenly locked back in to this storyline, which was weirdly unengaging for a tale of a deranged suitor forcing a daughter away from her father. There’s still time to disappoint, if Wilbur’s fish obsession simply proves to be a bridge too far even for Belle and she packs her bags straightaway.
Phantom: Coffee cup or cootchie cup?
@Ukulele Ike: Manley really should be taking better advantage of this scene. I remember the days when JP put a female private eye in an evening gown three sizes too small for no reason other than fanservice.
I thank Marciuliano, among his many sins and incompetencies in regard to Judge Parker, dictated to Manley no more cheesecake as it conflicted with his self created “feminist ally” persona.
Heathcliff: Doing a little research on Genie lore, an ancient wizard named Solomon would find demons and seal them within bottles and bury them far under the desert sands where they’d (presumably) never be found.
The demons or Djinns would curse anyone who frees them (because evil)
What sort of curse or wrath has Heathcliff released upon humanity? Knowing Heathcliff, he doesn’t care man, he really doesn’t care.
Heathcliff: Heathcliff unleashed the genie of Cereal Mascots! We’re going to get our daily recommendation of 90’s attitude!
CS: I assume Larry Dinkle is supposed to be Harry’s father, or more realistically, his grandfather, considering that 80 years have passed. Considering Batiuk’s discombobulated timelines he could end up as Harry’s kid brother.
CS: Eugene, where’s your manners? You’re indoors, lose the hat.
MW: So Belle gives up her murderous intent because a guy this pathetic simply isn’t worth the risk of prison. This is how the Batsfrey arc ends. Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Heathcliff seems to be holding some kind of electronic device. Is the Sunflower Genie an app? Is it AI-powered? This is even more unsettling than usual for Heathcliff.
MW: Well, Belle, you can either get out of there with a shred of sanity intact or you might as well kill them all by setting the condo on fire. But this pest control problem might require multiple steps…
Crank – Look, these are the Funnies. An impeccably dressed old man buying flowers with sentimental significance to place on his wife’s grave is not funny. That would require that he buy a squirting flower. See how that works?
Heathcliff-“And how is this going to help us win against that weird bald headed kid?”
MW: If Belle has spent even two days at Wilbur’s she had to have seen him feeding and talking to his fish before today. I call bullshit.
CS: Oh look, Batiuk reminded us for the second time in two days about the Wisteria Ballroom. Is that because his unironic readership (such as it exists) is a gaggle of dementia patients who can’t remember one day to the next? After two weeks of reading the words “Bean’s End” every blessed day, I fear we’re in for two weeks of “Wisteria Ballroom.” BTW, Batiuk was about 10 when it closed down, so it’s not like he enjoyed it himself.
At the very least, we can see that not even homicidal weirdos think that Wilbur’s fish fetish is an “endearing quirk.” If anything, Belle’s recoiling in fear at the thought of Wilbur wanting her to dress up as a mermaid but with “the fish part on top and the lady part on the bottom.”
The Phantom: Does that coffee come with dudes I can hallucinate? I like my coffee like I like my dudes: Weak and pale.
Loving Belle’s ravioli necklace
Heathcliff: That thing looks way too much like an emoji for me. But if it replaces “laughing and crying” emoji, texting with sarcastic teenagers might be a little less unpleasant.
@John Plugger Mellencamp: Well, I certainly wouldn’t want Missus Marciuliano to get out the rolling pin, or start throwing crockery a la Bringing Up Father….oh, who am I kidding? Less clothing and more clonks to Frankie’s head, please. “You worm!”
@Guillermo el chiclero: Back in the day there were certain indoor spaces where a gent was meant to retain his chapeau, such as office building lobbies (before you entered the elevator) and hotel lobbies (before you went up to your mistress’s room). Certainly not while foxtrotting with ya best goil at the Wisteria Ballroom.
MW: Belle here reminds me of the little forest spirits from Princess Mononoke, who would twist their heads around their necks and make rattling sounds. I do not want to think about Belle rattling.
I get why we’re all assuming Belle is going to murder the goldfish, but her reaction to this monologue is the first normal human behavior we’ve seen from her since she showed up.
@Navigator: Ah, yes, we know it’s a normal reaction but the narrative has firmly supported Wilbur so her normal reaction is going to make her seem like a terrible person rather than, oh, the attempts to poison Dawn’s food.
The Phantom: I’m not entirely convinced we’re watching *Kit’s* erotic reverie here.
Mary Worth – Of course Batshit Belle will try to kill the goldfish, especially after she learns that Willa was one of a pair named after Wilbur and his ex-girlfriend.
“Wilbie? I have bad news. Willa had to go to the bathroom, and she fell into the toilet. She flushed it before I could rescue her.”
The biggest twist would be if this is what gets Belle to say “Screw you guys, I’m going home” and Wilbur cries while eating a gallon of Dawn’s vegan ice cream, unaware that Belle had poisoned it because she had been planning an “Ice Cream Party” until she got grossed out by Wilbur being Wilbur.
@Dr. Bentley Ballsack: One girl, Two cups.
Crank: Okay, you’ve made two attempts at standard florist conversation, and both of them were met with “Let me tell you a story about the Wisteria Ballroom.” That’s your cue to sell the guy his flowers in silence and get him out of here.
(“Larry Dinkle Orchestra”? Do you think the World’s Greatest School Band Director ever thinks about the fact his grandad was a real bandleader?)
DT: So … it sounds like this guy isn’t expecting the police. Since even Neo-Chicago criminals aren’t quite dumb enough to call the cops on themselves and then immediately forget they’ve done so (probably), I guess this isn’t actually the guy who left the tip-off. Still to be revealed, whether this is the apartment he was in at the time and, if so, whether the dead body is still there. (Neo-Chicago crooks are absolutely dumb enough to think “Well, the painting’s hidden, and I don’t know where this dead body came from, so I guess it couldn’t hurt to let the police in and explain that I just came in and found it here!”)
MW: Bats thinks it’s cute because she thinks Willa killed Stellan to claim the position of Wilbur’s Best Little Buddy, and that’s a fish she can respect!
Phantom: No, Kit! That’s what Weezie wants! Remember Teashop Girl!
(I can’t remember if I’ve stated this clearly before, but I don’t actually care even slightly if Kit ends up with Teashop Girl, I just strongly feel that Weezie’s weird breeding program shouldn’t be allowed to succeed, and that seems the most likely way for it not to, since I don’t think DePaul is ready to have Kadia say “I guess your brother’s cute for a guy, but…”) (Although having said that, I think the existence of LGBTQ people has now been acknowledged by all soap strips except Phantom and Mary Worth, so who knows?)
@cheech wizard: True, but the idea that we’re supposed to find it sweet that he’s buying flowers not for his wife but for his ex-girlfriend whom he couldn’t even ask directly whether she’d marry him and set up a “if you don’t answer I will accept it’s no” letter that could have been *lost* in the mail never mind *actually* diverted by a sociopath instead of rage-inducing with its stupidity is, in its own way, laughable!
Phantom: Since Kit is torn between multiple girls, it’s almost like an old-school “Archie” plot, which means the Archie Joke-Generating Laugh Unit 3000 (AJGLU-3000) is still operational and currently housed in the Skull Cave.
@Little Guy: Veronica’s neurotic narcissism = Kadia’s regular attempts at suicide.
Teashop Girl is clearly the Betty.
Wheezey is Midge; Diana is Miss Grundy; Guran Lampshade is Dilton; Lamada Luanda is Professor Flutesnoot; Old Man Mozz is Big Moose; and Colonel Worubu is Jughead.
The thing about the legacy dramatic strips, like The Phantom, is that hardly anyone bothers to read them continuously in order to keep track of the narrative (indeed, this feels almost antithetical to how the comics page should be approached at all) and as a result there will often be an absolutely baffling, thoroughly off-putting panel like today’s The Phantom. Even Josh’s explanation of what’s going on doesn’t really detract from how deeply unpleasant this is, especially with the bizarre image of the face of the woman on the left peeking around one of these mental holograms.
You know what they say
Grippy socks, grippy box
But now Belle is bewildered
She’s being ignored in favor of lox
CS: Considering that the Batiukverse has a habit of feasting on its own carrion I’m surprised Lucy and Eugene aren’t cutting the rug to the music of Bunny Berigan’s band, that Crankshaft’s nebbish buddy Ralph played for.
Luann-“And these kidneys you’re planning on selling so you can afford a place of your own have you thought about how and who you are getting them from?”
I wonder where this story is headed. Do you think the Evansi are aware a part time job anywhere won’t pay for an apartment?
Are Luann and Phil and Bernice going to pool their money and live as roommates?
Nah, that would be a huge change to the Luanniverse. Stay tuned for Sunday when Luann sits in her messy room and Bernice insults her!
Luann: The easiest way for Luann to move out with only a part-time job would be to move in with Phil. This strip has to preventively rule that out in the psychosexually weirdest possible way, by having him move into her old bedroom.
Crank: Another problem with going down this nostalgia road again is that it’s a creative dead end. We know the outcome, and nothing about this current storyline is going to change that.
LUANN: As a lifelong (as an adult) lessee I can confirm every decent place Lu looks at will require her income be two to three times the monthly rent. Only other places that will accept her meager income are rooms in crime ridden dilapidated bldgs where she will be expected to do sex work or transport weapons and guns.
Therefore, roomies. Apartment 5G.
@Activist:
#112. Correction: she’ll be expected to transport weapons or DRUGS. I’ve had two places like that and learned how even educated people can be made helpless if terrorized.
Ah, the sunflower seeds genie – we ain’t never had a friend like him. Unless his seeds are the BBQ-flavored ones, those things are bloody terrible.
RMMD: “Oh look at this, Rex. They’re having their wedding at that awful honky-tonk we went to once. Yuck, I don’t think that ladies’ room has been cleaned since Y2K. There’s not enough cake in Glenwood to make this worth it.”
GT: Ha ha, evidently the guy in the white tee shirt just happened to be walking past the storage closet or wherever this is when he heard strange noises. So he popped in to see what’s going on, and now he’s just being a wise-ass. Best GT character ever!
@Activist:
Also a lifelong lessee, you’re spot-on. Given most fast-food restaurant jobs start part-time, Luann needs WAY more useful friends than she’s got if she wants to move out in two years. Or, you know, the hooker or drug mule thing. Can only improve the strip, really. Why do I read it, again?
@Pozzo: Reply
Friday — winner-take-all steel cage match between the Genie of the Sunflower Seeds and the Garbage Ape. Get your bets down now!
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Genie will trash Garbage Ape!
@Tom T.: #111: Eggs-ackley. The only thing that would make this somewhat interesting is if Eugene finally finds out what really happened and confronts Lillian, hopefully bludgeoning her to death.
Here’s a scenario I fear might happen: Eugene takes the wisteria flowers (or vines, actually) to Lucy’s grave, and Lillian just happens to be there. They fall in love. What the hell, thinks Eugene, she’s Lucy’s identical twin sister. Can’t be much different than the real Lucy. Eugene moves in and the self-pitying loser becomes a permanent character.
@GarrisonSkunk:
But it’s already been established…NOTHING can stop the Garbage Ape. GA takes it with a flying splash holding a trash can from the top of the cage!
@Little John: Loving Belle’s ravioli necklace
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It’s from the Chef Boyardee Collection.
@A Grave Mind: But it’s already been established…NOTHING can stop the Garbage Ape. GA takes it with a flying splash holding a trash can from the top of the cage!
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Garbage Ape will enter the ring as an ape, and leave in the form of a ham flavored tick on Heathcliff’s hinder. Sure he’ll still be alive…but way too small to wear a ham helmet! Where’s the life in that?
@The Rambling Otter: Heathcliff: Heathcliff unleashed the genie of Cereal Mascots! We’re going to get our daily recommendation of 90’s attitude!
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Introducing NEW! Boo-Berry™ Now with chocolate covered sunflower seeds!
@Liam: Luann-“And these kidneys you’re planning on selling so you can afford a place of your own have you thought about how and who you are getting them from?”
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She’ll harvest them from the kids she used to read stories to, just like she did when TJ was on the kick to make authentic steak and kid’s knees pie.
MW: the setup is obvious, but is MW really going to go to actual fish murder. These are newspaper strip readers. Their hearts ain’t so good these days.
@Little John: Occupational therapy memento from her latest, shall we say, rest cute….
Heathcliff: The umpire must have asked who the spirit is.
@Guillermo el chiclero: All of this is very funny to me because all week I thought that was Ed Crankshaft in an Inspector Gadget costume.
FC – Has anyone mentioned that Jeffy wants to fuck a chocolate chip cookie?
@brendancalling: #127: Easy mistake. I think they’re just using clip art, pasting a hat and trenchcoat on Crankshaft. Notice how in the flashback panel Eugene has a pointed little nose while in the present he has a full Westview potato nose, minus Crankshaft’s signature blackheads.
@112 Activist: Luann as a sex worker? She’ll get sued the first time she does a blowjob after the john’s penis explodes. “Blow” is not an instruction for the “job,” dim bulb.
@Baja Gaijin: Ah ha! So you’re the one.
MW: Wilbur finally gets evicted when he and Belle are caught in the Charterstone pool, dressed as goldfish, playing fertilize my eggs.