Finding Archie irritating is relatable, I guess
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Gearhead Gertie, 5/1/25
When you have a main character with a strong and deranged point of view, like Gertie in Gearhead Gertie, the question arises: are we meant to think that she’s insane, or that she’s the sane one in an insane universe that only she fully understands? The Gearhead Gertie strips where we see Gertie’s husband (LORE DROP: Gertie’s husband’s name is “Harold”) getting increasingly exasperated by her NASCAR monomania seem to indicate the former; but today’s strip, in which we learn that Gertie’s negative opinion about Formula One (a sport that millions of people in our universe enjoy and find exciting) is in fact objectively correct proves that, within the boundaries of this panel, it truly is Gearhead Gertie’s world and the rest of these poor unfortunate souls are just living in it.
Mary Worth, 5/1/25
Hey, fun fact: did you know that the dish Belle is referring to is usually called “black pudding,” because these days even non-vegans find the idea of eating blood a little gross, and there are in fact tons of vegan recipes for it? A lot of them are pretty low calorie, too. So maybe chill out a little, Dawn, I think you might be overreacting to this one.
Archie, 5/1/25
I’ve always admired the names of many of the adult characters in Archie Comics. “Geraldine Grundy,” “Waldo Weatherbee,” “Hiram Lodge,” “Professor Elmer Flutesnoot”: all god-tier comics names. Sadly, Archie’s dad is just “Fred Andrews,” which is much less interesting, though honestly he’s a much less interesting character, and I frankly have never really gotten a handle on what his deal is supposed to be. I guess he finds Archie irritating? Look at how aggrieved he is here, for instance. Hey, Fred, you ever think that your son’s lack of grit and time management skills might be at least partly your fault? You treat your son with disdain yet you proudly drink from a “#1 Dad” mug! You’ve got some self-reflection to do, mister.
93 replies to “Finding Archie irritating is relatable, I guess”
MW-Forty whacks with a wet noodle.
RMMD-“Then call me ‘Daddy’ like you used to, Kelly.”
MW: Is there any possible thing that Wilbur could do to make himself look like even more of a simp than he does in today’s strip, or is this the unsurpassable apex of simp-dom?
MW: I saw an ad online once for vegan steak sauce. Not sure who their target demographic is.
GG: Top tip: If you’re writing a strip about race cars, don’t rely on the onomatopoeia “ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzz” to convey sleepiness. I honestly thought the joke was it was about car engines sounding like soothing white noise.
MW: Vegan blood pudding? Mary better watch out. Someone’s invented a food almost as unappealing as salmon squares.
MW: I love Wilbur’s blithe grin in the last panel, as if he thinks that Dawn is pulling him aside to give him a treat.
Hooray Hooray, the first of May . . .
Fred Andrews isn’t mad at Archie, he’s mad at whoever ejaculated all over his son’s cereal.
GG It’s funny because that TV’s not even on, it’s just an F1 poster that Gertie hung on the screen. The minute Harold sees anything related to NASCAR he just immediately falls unconscious as a kind of self-preservation, like a possum playing dead.
MW Ha ha, get it? It’s not blood pudding for vegans, it’s blood pudding of vegans! Yup, Belle is going to murder Dawn with that knife, collect her blood and serve it to Wilbur! I can wait to see what quote they’ll use in the Sunday strip to accompany that!
Archie Hey, remember ‘krumping’, that dance style that was in the zeitgeist in the mid 2000s when So You Think You Can Dance was popular? Apparently you can don’t with your teeth now!
@Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women:
Fred Andrews isn’t mad at Archie, he’s mad at whoever ejaculated all over his son’s cereal.
So, he’s mad at himself?
MW:
“Dad, Belle is acting all perSHNICKTy!”
MW: “Vegan blood pudding! Followed by vegan steak tartare and vegan haggis! I call it my Oxymoronic Meal!”
RMMD: THAT’S what Kelly finds weirdest about this whole thing? Sheesh.
If there were a toddler version of The Menu, Marvin would be a perfect Tyler Ledford.
MW:
Belle has identical bracelets on each hand? — that’s kind of an interesting fashion statement.
GT: You’re not going to believe this, Sweets! Saddam Hussein is at the game! Oh, and there’s Marty Moon trying to be incognito.
She’ll end up with identical bracelets on each hand, for sure!
MW:
“Dad, can I talk to you in the living room?”
“Sweetie, ‘can’ connotes physical power or ability. ‘May’ connotes permission sought or granted. The correct formulation is ‘ “may” I talk to you…’ And besides….”
“No. Don’t say it, Dad.”
“Yep. Today is ‘May‘ Day!”
Yeah, I kinda thought that the zzzzzs were the cars, and that Harold had found the blessed white light of death, sans Gertie. Keep trying, Harold.
MW: Oh hey, the colorist finally figured out that Belle’s wearing an apron. Now if only they could figure out a way to make this end.
@Colonial:
Haha! I just went with “80s Central American dictator,” myself.
But seriously, are we supposed to know this asshole? Is this that homeless weirdo from like 18 years ago? Codfish, or Fishpost, or some shit? I’m stuck on fish stuff, not confident I’m right, and dear God, I am not looking it up.
Is it too much to hope for Dawn has got it together enough to think it might not be safe to eat Belle’s food and brings up her diet as an excuse? (Narrator’s voice: Yes.)
MW: Has Belle finally taken the whole stark-raving-maniac thing so absurdly far that it finally registered with Dawn’s half-dozen firing synapses? Will Dawn and Wilbur finally notice the defaced picture of Dawn in the living room?
I have an infinitesimally tiny bit of hope that this trainwreck of a story is finally inching (or at least millimetering?) towards something resembling a conclusion.
FC: Dolly hovers down the hall because there’s no way she can walk with those legs as drawn.
MW: I’m eager to see just what way Wilbur is going to gaslight his daughter into accepting her eventual fate as Belle’s murder victim. After all, Dawnie loves her daddy and wants him to be happy. You want your daddy to be happy, don’t you, Dawnie? It’s just a few stab wounds and then a nice big party on Dr. Jeff’s yacht before tossing you over…oh, wait, you’re not Stellan. Off to the incinerator with you, Dawnie!
So you find Archie irritating relatable? Makes sense since you’re irritating yourself.
GT: [siiiiigh] Okay, what on earth is supposed to be happening today? Anybody? Anybody? . . . No? Didn’t think so.
JP: “Hank, I missed my period.”
Lockhorns: Perhaps if Leroy was actually facing the stage . . . but perhaps not.
Folks, I regret to inform you that today’s Mary Worth is awesome. Schnikt-schnikt! Belle’s psychotic stare and camp villain threat! Wilbur’s “got sex, don’t care” expression! The swoop of Dawn’s hair as she dashes away! And a cameo by Thing from the Addams Family, because that hand on Wilbur’s arm can’t be attached to anyone else in the panel!
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Indoor Dawn stabbing begins today?
“Vegan blood pudding,” eh? Do we think she means “blood pudding that is vegan,” or “vegan-blood pudding,” and let’s stop kidding ourselves, it’s the latter, so– Josh, considering that there is exactly one (1) vegan in the room, I’d say Dawn’s exactly the correct amount of freaked out, and could probably even kick it up a level or two.
Pluggers: I call foul. No way that oil burning junker has a backup camera.
“Schnikt” is good, schnikt is best sound effect, Cthulhu approves. Much better than “krump,” what even is that.
CS: “How about ‘Assholes at the Book Fair.’?”
Archie: My eye was drawn to that “#1 Dad” mug that appears to be full of milk but then I saw the way the “milk” was adhering to Archie’s cereal and the bowl and, well, characters sitting around drinking lead-based paint explains a lot about the Archieverse.
MW: Schnikt is a fascinating sound effect there, because not only is it accurate, it certainly implies that Moy actually sharpened some knives in order to come up with that sound. Perhaps the Belle storyline is more autobiographical than we anticipated….
Gearhead Gertie: “Take that, you coastal elitist trans-Atlantic Formula One fans! Your preferred sport is boring and effete and un-American! … Wait, why is no one complaining in the comments?” — Mike Peters, probably.
@Spunky The Wonder Squid: @LTJpezcore1: You say that like it’s a bad thing.
Archie: I’m OK with “KRUMP.” It’s that sound you get when you’ve already CRUNCHED your way through a mouthful of Crunch-O’s but still have to give those smaller bits one more KRUMP before they go down the hatch.
Until just now I did not know that “Formula 1” and “NASCAR” were distinct things – I’ve heard both terms but had them lumped together in my head as ‘race cars’ – and thought the joke was that Harold was so bored of Gertie’s racing obsession, he watched it to go to sleep. A cursory investigation of the two based on looking up a “Formula 1 vs NASCAR” Reddit thread indicates 1) I’m way too much of an ignoramus to even begin having an opinion on this and 2) the people who do are every bit as geeky about it as any two given nerds arguing over Boba Fett’s activities in the EU.
Archie: I think I’ve said before that Archie the character was a lot more interesting in the early days, when he was both horny and grasping in a demented kind of way, so yeah, also way more irritating. Bring back pervert Archie!
CS: Do you think we’re seeing Tom Batiuk’s writing process here? Make up a title, hire someone to draw a comic book cover, copy-paste a logo of an event that tolerates your presence, then wait for your millions of fans to line up.
GG got the joke exactly backwards. Formula I fans find NASCAR boring, not vice versa. NASCAR fans find Formula I confusing because of all those right turns.
Luann: Aww, Bernice, you don’t have a boyfriend or any friends that want to spend time with you? Maybe you should ponder that for a moment.
MW: Dawn, repeat after me: “I’m not eating anything you cook, because I don’t trust you.” It’s really that simple.
CS: Those derivative titles? There’s a mockbusters publisher just waiting for them.
GT: If someone that important is giving you flowers, can’t you delay your Marty Moon obsession for fifteen seconds?
Pluggers would more likely own a truck with a carburetor than a backup camera.
Dustin avoids IP lawyers by not using any pink inside what is obviously supposed to be a Dunks.
H&L: I have no idea who you’re referring to, but: Too soon, Ditto.
BG&SS: Okay, one of Slylock Fox’s criminal masterminds has made a clean getaway.
GT: Lots of things happening here. Recycled old characters. Marty Moon trying to find any sliver of leverage to get back into the exciting world of high school sports broadcasting. Meanwhile Gil and his new paramour and doing another PDA. Are they trying to upstage Belichik and Hudson?
DT: Irony in comics can occur when we the audience knows something that the characters do not, correct (?). At this point, the MCU has finally ascertain what we flashed weeks ago – the body is NOT the one linked with the name. Some may have found it agonizingly slow but the new plotter shows promise. Better to edit down an over elaborate plot than try to puff out a thread bare one. Please let there be a final twist – that the Itemizer is actually the mastermind of the plot and plan to off Uncle Pitdown, Angry Auntie and the Mutt/Jeff twins in the penultimate act.
MW: Dawn usually acts impulsively and driven by her own selfish base needs for attention and affection. Yet, it is only now that her primordial brainstem self preservation locus has managed to penetrate into the thoughts of her higher cognitive centers: “Run away, hide, this woman/creature is danger, danger, large snake, taloned hawk, big clawed danger!”
Wilbur is still in his post-prandial post-coital fuzzy delirium. It would not be shocking that tomorrow as Dawn and Wilbur talk they finally noticed the defaced picture!
Finally, I guess Wilbur has a form of blood simp-le, to see the danger ahead.
RMMD: So, this will be the awkward morning after time for Summer and Dawn and the new guy Augie?
If someone had no idea of the basic premise of Gearhead Gertie, one might assume that the gag is that the ZZZZZZZ was the sound of the Formula One cars and it was a fourth-wall breaking meta gag like something in Nancy. Because the actual gag is structured like a racist joke.
Today I learned there is beef between fans of what kind of cars drive around in circles.
***
I bet Archie also forgot to call Betty. They even put the reminder on a random wall for him.
@LTJpezcore1: Or she’s a fan of Marvel’s Wolverine? Pretty sure that was the sound effect used for the retractable claws way back when I read the stuff.
JP: No, she’s worried that either reality is falling apart as the normal-sized no-glasses woman behind you yesterday now puffs up into a giant looming face with glasses … or that passenger put on an oversized silly papier maché mask during the flight and is about to act crazy and bother you for the rest of the flight. Could be either one.
@Liam:
and when Wilbur found out what Belle did
she gave him forty one whacks
Archie – Fred Andrews’s husband is still steamed about getting the “#2 Dad” mug.
@Steph Cherrywell: And I was going to make a joke about “whatever happened to Formulas Two and Three,” but then I found out there really are such things.
GG: I literally confused the “Formula 1” on the screen for Nascar. And thought to myself “His hatred for Gertie’s Nascar obsession, isn’t because she’s so insane about it, but because he finds it boring”
Then I questioned why Gertie would approve of him finding it boring to use it to help him sleep. Until Josh pointed out “It’s Formula 1” which really is the same thing to me and I couldn’t care less about either.
Don Abundio, translated:
“Monin is an adventurer”
“And he loves to travel”
“Now, this will be the perfect way to smuggle 20 kilos of hashish across the border!”
“Today on the Formula One network, Formula One! . . . pictures. Look, we actually can’t afford to show you the races. Did you know you need broadcast rights to air those? And that other networks have a lot more money than we do? I mean, I just wanted to show Formula One races, and I’m stuck here hold up posters before our one camera in my mom’s basement. Anyway . . . Formula One!”
Wibur’s sex-thing took an axe
And gave to Dawn’s head 30 whacks
When she saw what she had done
She said “Your hair looks better, hon.”
Gearhead Gertie – Is it really that Formula 1 is that boring, or is it that Gertie is no longer in the room ranting about NASCAR, allowing Harold some much needed rest?
Mary Worth – Wilbur Weston is among the top of the list of comic characters who would be fed their own children by a deranged lover. He alone on top of the list of someone who would need to be stopped from taking “just one more bite” after learning the horrible news.
Archie – If Archie was eating breakfast with Jughead, I am sure “How am I supposed to concentrate?” would be met with a bad pun about frozen orange juice.
@Yesyouar ghvhjj: LAME BURN DUDE!
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: I’m not…NECESSARILY saying it’s a bad thing…
@CanuckDownSouth: Funnily enough I snapped immediately to Jason Mewes as Jay in the underrated classic Mallrats…but same difference lol
@Philip: I don’t know, I think an eat-off between Wilbur Weston and Les Moore would be highly competitive.
MW: Dawn has no reason to suspect Belle of anything. She has no knowledge of the poison in her food or else presumably Belle would be in jail. Basically, she’s just going on gut instinct. The same instinct which led her to Dirk.
RIP Dawn Weston, May 2025.
I have a theory that the troll is actually Lyn Johnston, who is still butthurt about that whole FOOBS thing.
GG – Yes, high-speed cars driving through a major city is MUCH more sleep-inducing than high-speed cars driving on an enclosed oval track.
Mary Worth, Rex Morgan, Dick Tracy: the authors of these strips have taken boredom and refined to such an art that we’ve got dead bodies, potential dead bodies and maniacs of varying stripes and I just. Don’t. Care. At. All.
They make Tom Batiuk seem like a competent storyteller, and that takes talent I tell you what.
GG: “Clog remover. I learned it from my friend, Belle Batsfrey.”
MW: At least she’s not summoning a blancmange.
GG: I have neither the time nor inclination to research this, but based on today’s strip and my limited knowledge of auto racing NASCAR is to Formula One what American football is to soccer: the latter enjoys broad international appeal, while the former is more a United States thing (possibly due to the higher possibility of someone enduring massive physical trauma for your entertainment).
MW: Belle may be insane, but you can’t fault her cheerful attitude! You know what they say: do what you love (in this case, plotting to murder at least one Weston) and you’ll never work a day in your life.
Luann: so Borenice”s only friend is Luann, who she treats with contempt. Her future isn’t bright.
Curtis: Chutney has somehow manipulated their selfie into Curtis performing cunnilingus on her.
Dustin: She’s holding down a steady job as a cashier in a donut shop, dude. She is way out of your league.
FC: Jeffy shakes his head in shame.
Dustin: Sue is waiting for a better offer to come along, like Fitch or Hayden.
Luann: Anyone remember that Bernice has a brother? Maybe she could invite him over. I will say that Bernice is very smart to clean up Luann’s dishes, because Luann will definitely let them sit and attract bugs.
CS: Ha ha ha! This is killing me!
9CL: Oh, goody! Brooke has gone back to the de-aged Overlook Twins, who are still horny for Alistair.
Fred Andrews is the answer to a question I never asked- What would Otto the Auto-Pilot from the movie AIRPLANE! look like if he were really furious with someone?
@Professor Well Actually: Not only treats with contempt but also takes advantage of for free room and board.
Mary Worth: Time for the bris.
C’shaft: It’s not surprising that a guy whose punchlines are 98% weak wordplay thinks that all you have to do is come up with a “clever” book title and everything else will fall into place. (Also, “Murder at the Book Convention”? Didn’t Lillian already write a Murder at the Book Fair? I suppose it’s inevitable that she’ll start repeating herself…)
Dustin: If I owned a coffee shop, I would make a point of employing a few big, burly, heavily-tattooed types who could stride up ominously and grumble “This guy botherin’ you?” every time some tone-deaf idiot like Dustin tried to hit on a young female barista while she was working.
GT: Is that supposed to be Beth? Doesn’t Beth have shorter hair? Why would Beth (or whoever this is) assume Gil wants flowers for any reason whatsoever? Does Marty’s AA sponsor always dress in his old military fatigues? Can we get back to Coach Luke trying to exorcise Pops, which was a least mildly goofy enough to be amusing?
HotC: Is “no phone use during class” really that much of a controversy? The Divalings consider it standard protocol by now.
JP: I’m sure Neddy’s boyfriend has a name and some bizarre drama that everyone will awkwardly tiptoe around, but for the life of me I can’t remember them.
Luann: Yeah, Bernice just realized the only person she has any social contact with is Luann. I can’t imagine anything sadder.
Pluggers think that a 1975 Ford F-100 comes equipped with a backup cam.
RMMD: People standing around discussing a murder proved to be too intense for this strip, so this week we’re walking it back by having people standing around vaguely alluding to the previous story arc.
If I were Dawn, I’d also be concerned by the combination of maniacal grin and sharpening an enormous knife.
Luann: Not sad, ‘pathetic.’ The word you’re looking for is ‘pathetic’.
JP: The face of a woman who’s about to open the flight door in midair and end it all while taking everyone else on the plane with her.
RMMD: Look at that beaten down, whipped dog expression. Run, Augie. Run. Just bolt out the door right now and never look back. Whatever sexytimes you might have contemplated reenacting the backstory of the song ‘Miss Brown, You Have a Lovely Daughter’, it’s not worth it.
GG – So…saltpeter in his coffee?
MW – For further information. ask John Bobbit about schnikt-schnikt, Wilbie….
Archie – Inspired to greatness by #1 Dad!
Adios Amigos, DJ.
@Yesyouar ghvhjj: Sick burn, dude!
“Not sure my race car came out right. Almost looks like a vacuum cleaner. Whatever, I’ll stick a Formula One label on there and call it a day.”
MW: I think this story line would be more suspenseful if we didn’t know whether or not Belle was trying to kill her. It’d put us in Dawn’s shoes where you’re saying “something’s off, but I can’t be sure”. As the audience, we already know what’s being attempted.
GG: If I were the sort of person who was interested in auto racing (no comment) the one race I would be likely to watch would be the Gran Prix de Monte Carlo. Lots of opportunities for wacky-looking Formula One cars to smash into stately old European buildings, or even sail over the bulwark and crash directly into the Mediterranean Sea.
6Chx: Today’s strip features a guest appearance by auxiliary characters from Mr. & Mrs. J. Evil Scientist.
Harold was trapped in an infinite, white, endless void that stretched as far as the eye could see. The only thing breaking up the uniformity? A small circular green rug with a recliner and a TV. He tried to find escape for the first ten thousand years. He would walk, but no matter how long and how far, he would always return to the circular green run, the recliner, and the TV. Was this Limbo? Nirvana? Or was it Hell with the television always on racing events? He didn’t know, but he was tired. So. Very. Tired. Maybe it wouldn’t be that bad to sit down? The chair looked comfortable… inviting… he would just give it a moment, then… just a brief rest, then a return to searching for a way out… soft… warm… he yawned… he could just rest… a moment…
MW Don Martin approves.
Archie Don Martin asks, “that all you got?”
I see Archie is eating Crunch, the cereal with a bear for a mascot. Mister Crunch, they call him, and in the commercials they lure him away from eating people with the sweet crunch of Crunch. “Hey, Mister Crunch, have a bowl of Crunch, the cereal that crunches louder than those bones crunch!” the children say, trying to distract the bear long enough to save their friend who lies bleeding out on the cave floor. Yes, Crunch, the only cereal with TV-MA rated commercials.
@matt w:
all true – if more comic strips had this sort of plotting, it may revive the long form comic.
Gearhead Gertie: Gertie’s radical NASCAR-based political views extend to seeing non-NASCAR vehicle sports as rival political parties to be purged when the revolution comes.
Mary Worth: So I’m guessing that Belle is going to just cut to the chase and stab Dawn to death and than use her body to make pudding. Wilbur being Wilbur, he probably won’t even realize what’s happening and chow down. “Hey, Dawn, sweetie! Why are you just laying there bleeding? Try a bite to eat, don’t be rude!”
Archie: Maybe it’s hypocritical considering how much I (rightfully) despise Dustin’s Dad for being a dick to his son, but I honestly find it hard to do the same for Archie’s Dad. I mean, let’s be real, who the fuck would want Archie as their kid?
@ValdVin: #40: re-Pluggers:
“more likely own a truck with a carburetor”
That or a stick shift.
@Ukulele Ike: #77: The hell with the Mediterranean. How about a grandstand packed with spectators? It actually happened at Le Mans in the early 50s. Over 80 people died.
Much as Thor has his Mjölnir and Neegan has Lucille, Belle never goes anywhere without her trusty compatriots, Schnikt and Schnikt.
MARY WORTH: Um…Josh? Fake Gosslin there is holding those carving utensils like she’s a Dollar-Tree Wolverine, so maybe Dawn isn’t quite overreacting to the situation here.
MW: Sweeney Belle, the Demon Haircut of Charterstone
@Bob Tice: #16
ARGGH!!!
“Officer, arrest that Tice guy.”
“On what charges, ma’am?”
“Assault with a deadly wea-PUN!!!”
*clunk*
MW: Worst performance of “Titus Andronicus” ever.
@Guillermo el chiclero: Hoping for some very Lady MacBeth, OUT DAMN SPOT coming in shortly…
Gearhead Gertie coming being strongly against F1 is such an interesting move to me. It’s the only comic I can think of about motorsports, but they’ve chosen to alienate a big chunk of motorsports enthusiasts. It would be like of Gil Thorp refused to acknowledge hockey as a sport, or if every Sunday Rex Morgan MD strip was dedicated to his unending disdain for gastroenterologists.
Dawn, you misfired chromosome, this is all your father’s fault for sticking his rigatoni noodle where it doesn’t belong and giving out your full address to a “vacation fling.” Don’t try to save him because he’s never going to learn his lesson and next time, you’ll be waking up in a bathtub full of ice with your kidneys and pancreas missing while your dad’s drinking Shirley Temples in the casino.
MW: Who is the engaged audience here? I mean, “dad’s new girlfriend is trying to kill me” should be a solidly engaging plotline, maybe even a tense one. And yet what we’ve seen of Dawn and of Wilbur can only lead the reasonable reader to hope that Belle manages to make black pudding from Dawn, roast Wilbur in his own juices (garnished with a fake will), and top off the day with a little Mary Béarnaise.
Archie: Yeah, Archie, the crunchiness of the cereal is totally excessive. If only they had put some kind of warning on the box, maybe even working it into the name of the cereal itself!
MW: Ha-ha, I get it. But “vegan blood pudding” would just be oatmeal. If Belle is going to be responsible for feeding Wilbur she needs to cut out the unnecessary steps.