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Crock, 12/5/24

If these two guys have names, I don’t know what they are — the Wikipedia Crock article just calls them “the men of Outpost 5,” and they don’t merit a mention on the official King Features Crock character list — but their deal basically is that the guy on the right is always reading letters aloud about life in his hillbilly home town back in France (?). Anyway, I find today’s bit actually kind of heartening. The guy on the left generally looks uninterested during these recitations, but it’s clear he’s been paying attention. He knows the lore!

Gil Thorp, 12/5/24

“Coach, let me rephrase that. It’s cool that you decided to come back from your extended sick leave and all, but I get the feeling you’re only doing it to engage in psychological gamesmanship against your hated rival and not because you’re interested in molding a new generation of student-athletes or anything like that. I’m just a teenager who wants to play football! I don’t think I should be going out there! I’m not equipped for the emotional complexity of this whole scene!”

Gearhead Gertie, 12/5/24

Some might say that having two near-identical drawings in this cartoon is “lazy,” but I think it really hammers home Gertie’s emotional state. Her beloved NASCAR is in danger due to internal conflict, and she’s not exactly sure who to blame or how it’s going to end — maybe if she stays very still and just vaguely shit-talks the legal system, everything will work out for the best.

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Mary Worth, 11/21/24

This whole week has been about everyone (“everyone” being Toby and Dawn, admittedly) getting jazzed as hell about Thanksgiving, because Mary will be doing her famous home cooking for them, as is tradition now, apparently. Just like she did for Ed and Estelle’s wedding! Except today we’re learning that in fact that was a web of lies; Mary simply went to Off-Brand Costco, bought a shrimp tray, poured a can of shrimp cocktail into a mason jar next to it, and called it a day! She refused to rotisserie that chicken for the taquitos herself, but rather purchased one pre-rotisseried! What kind of “traditionalist” is she? Is just going to throw down a stack of freshly microwaved Hungry-Man® turkey dinners on the table next Thursday and dare anyone to argue about it?

Family Circus, 11/21/24

Oh, can Jeffy not play hide and seek because he can’t count? Well, then why was he playing hide and seek in this very strip mere weeks ago???? Finally, we have caught the Family Circus in a vile lie so blatant and hypocritical that it will have no choice but to cease publication forever. We did it, everbody! We got them!

Gearhead Gertie, 11/21/24

We’ve all had some fun with Gertie’s NASCAR monomania over the last … actually, I don’t know how long it’s been published, because it doesn’t have a Wikipedia article, which, you know, fair! It probably doesn’t deserve one! I don’t fall into the “deletionist” Wikipedia philosophical camp necessarily but I don’t think a Gearhead Gertie article is necessary, as convenient as it would’ve been for me to refer to it for this post. Point is, though, it’s been a while, and there’s only so much material we can get out of “Gertie sure loves NASCAR,” so it makes sense that the strip is actually pivoting towards “Gertie’s husband sure hates how much Gertie loves NASCAR, like you can tell it’s destroying their marriage and every day he dies a little bit more inside, but she she can’t see it.”

UPDATE: God bless you, “Gertie Fan,” aka Dclemens1971, for your Wikipedia service!

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Gil Thorp, 10/31/24

Oh, huh, Gil Thorp as a vampire is gonna be a cherished annual tradition now? I’m not complaining, mind you. Far from it! I do question some of the vampire world-building here, though. Why would you bother getting into a sword fight if you were a vampire? No metal blade can harm you! You could simply knock the mortal’s weapon aside with your bare hand and begin drinking his delicious blood.

Mary Worth, 10/31/24

Hey, remember the whole plot where Mary briefly got into the wild world of competitive cake baking, with a friend who turned out to be into her, sexually? She’s put those days behind her now, but it’s nice that she’s providing free (?) services for Ed and Estelle’s bare bones wedding. It gives her an opportunity to show off her skills, and also self-aggrandize by imagining baking a single cake was just as complex an undertaking as the painstaking and annoying emotional process we’ve been subjected to throughout Ed and Estelle’s relationship. Why, she doesn’t even have to deal with a transfer!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/31/24

As a child growing up in Buffalo, I experienced this disappointment year after year — and only much later, as an adult, did it occur to me that I should’ve come up with costume ideas that could accommodate or possibly even integrate a heavy coat. It was then that I took to heart the lesson that Rex Morgan is trying to teach us, which is that kids are actually pretty stupid.

Gearhead Gertie, 10/31/24

Gertie, there is no part of the Halloween mythos where you make children answer questions about your special interest before you give them candy! Please, why are you doing this??? Just dress up as a NASCAR driver and call it a day!!!!!!