You ever heard of this new thing called “e-commerce,” Hi
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Gil Thorp, 6/3/25
I’m really coming to enjoy the on-the-nose “sound effects” that we’re getting during sports antics in Gil Thorp. Are “catch,” “swipe,” and “pass” onomatopoeiae? Well, they could be, if you kind of whisper them and hit the consonants exactly when the referenced action occurs. Anyway, the Mudlarks did it! They caught the ball! They all caught the ball, together! [whispers] CATCH
The Phantom, 6/3/25
Look, Kit, your dad is good at a lot of things. Punching? Definitely. Shooting people, with a gun? You bet. Maintaining enough muscle definition that he looks ripped even through a lycra suit, yet somehow remaining hydrated enough that he can do physical feats of derring-do? The dude practically invented it. But I’m not sure he’s the one to go to with questions about “does free will exist” or whatever. Call me an elitist if you must, but if a guy makes living in a cave and never letting anyone see his eyes so he can strike fear into the hearts of men into his whole deal, I don’t trust him on abstruse philosophical matters!
Hi and Lois, 6/3/25
I love how concerned both Hi and Lois look here. This is an extremely minor glitch in their comfortable suburban lives and yet they are straight up not having a good time! Probably there’s something deeper going on here that therapy could unpack, eventually. Anyway, it’s too bad they can’t hear Dawg’s cheerful thought balloon, because it might ease their all-pervasive anxiety, just a little, just for a moment.
163 replies to “You ever heard of this new thing called “e-commerce,” Hi”
DtM: You want menacing? Look what’s happening to Alice’s arm and the hand holding-? or in the foreground or? the glass.
Phantom: Fate, or Tony DePaul. They’re the same in our universe, son.
The Phantom:
“But first tell me why you’re wearing that tight-fitting fabric that doesn’t breathe in front of a roaring fire!”
DT: backfilling in the means. Now we need a motive, and suspect.
GT: now I get it. The artist and writer do not share a common language. In the script the writer describes the ball being struck bit caught by the goalie. In the notes there is a comment that there should be a “catching” sound. The artist takes it literally.
MW: So this is the plan?? A sit-in? Wilbur it is YOUR place- kick her out. If this were a movie the critics would suspect certain key scenes were dropped during reshoots.
RMMD: It looks like the vasectomy angle is fading and the DNA angle is growing stronger.
H&L: Beware of the dog? Confused visitors wonder if the dog they see is the one specified.
GT – I bet Slylock Fox could sus out the gang signs….
Phantom – If only we could get some hints from Heloise…like you’re gonna just find that in the newspaper….
H&L – He actually got it at the For Better or Worse yard sale….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
H&L: Apparently, Hi doesn’t care if the mat welcomes people or scares them away. It must be just for foot-wiping purposes.
MW: “I will not eat your poison ‘shrooms,
Pack your bag and leave my rooms!
I will not eat them, crazy Belle,
You hurt my fish – now rot in Hell!”
RMMD: What exactly does “accept me as your son” entail? Put him in the will? Invite him to the wedding? Be his emergency contact? Is there a checklist for this kind of thing?
GT: I think this is the first strip I’ve seen since the artist change with an actual background. Sure, it’s two trees and a cloud, but you know, it’s getting there.
H&L: If they didn’t have the mat Hi wanted, couldn’t he just have… not bought anything. Or wait, I forgot, it’s illegal to enter a shop and not spend money. Next you’ll be telling me they’re doing dangerous subversive activities like “growing vegetables” and “mending clothes”.
GT: When did this strip start looking like a Chick tract? It’s supposed to be a sports action scene, but it’s dead static. The shirts look like they play for a team simply called LORD. The hijab-wearing goalkeeper looks like exactly someone who converts to Christianity in a Chick tract. The dialog in the last panel should be “I can do all things through Christ, who gives me strength.*”
H&L: Maybe they’re worried that Dawg can read?
MW: I wish this story really was based on that Australia poisoning case. Because 3 of the 4 people who were served the poisoned meal died. We should be rid of at least one of them by now. Get on with it, Belle!
Pluggers: Not entirely true; the wearers of such things are definitely fooling themselves.
* – Phillippians 4:13
Beetle Bailey: Welp, bingewatching Patton for eight hours didn’t help General Halftrack.
CS: Our protagonist, Ed “There’s No Such Thing As Society” Crankshaft! Wait, where does his paycheck come from again?
Hi appears to be placing the mat under the dog’s ass. “Okay, let’s get this over with (sigh).”
Gil Thorp:
“Now, mind you — they’re not applauding your save. They’re applauding the green accenting in my hair!”
Gil Thorp:
Well, it appears as if Milford won — but there’s a catch.
MW: The dialogue really does read like musical comedy. Although, I don’t know how well Damn Westons will play nationally.
H&L: “They didn’t have any welcome mats at the hardware store. They had plenty of turtleneck T-shirts in saftey orange, though, so I bought a half dozen. Did I do good? Please tell me I did good, Lois!”
GT: Love the gesture Gil is making in the second panel. “Where are we going, ladies? That’s right! Staight to the top!”
He sheepishly brings home the mat.
He knows that it will trigger Lois’ memory of a spring break trip to Cancun where ‘Horndog’ Hi made a spectacle of himself by barking at a server and Thirsty relieved himself on a hydrant.
“Beware of dog” indeed, thinks Lois, as she prepares to rewatch ‘Old Yeller’.
H&L: So basically Hi’s thought process was “if I can’t welcome visitors to my home, I might as well prevent people from even trying to visit.” I can’t decide if he’s struggling with some deep-seated, visitor-related childhood trauma or just really, really dumb.
MW: Who is more unhinged – Belle chanting “eat it” or the Westons, who sat down to dinner with no plan other than “don’t eat”? The answer is surely any of us who are hoping for a satisfying resolution to this.
DT: “lightening strike”, “giving the art thief had all the cover” – writer in a rush to go on summer vacation and didn’t check the rough draft?
Frazz : That’s because it would take nearly 1 000 years for 1% of the population to be valedictorians. (assuming no population growth, but also NO DEATHS).
************
Phantom : “No dad, I’m thinking more that Fate is saying Kadia is HELOISE’s soulmate, not mine!”
MW: “Nuh-uh!”? I don’t know why I expected this confrontation to be intellectually superior to toddlers arguing at preschool. When will I learn?
RMMD:
“But that’s what your mama told you?”
“Mama said there’d be days like this.”
“Gosh, ol’ Varla never was at a loss for words, was she.”
H&L: Shouldn’t have been buying welcome mats in the first place, Hi. That’s how you get vampires.
MW: And just think, it’s only Tuesday. We have at least four more days of this puerile back-and-forth until we get to the next big set piece in the Sunday spread. Can it possibly top the Perils of Willa?
GT: I don’t care for this remake of ‘Bend it Like Beckham’.
@Anonymous:
1 000 years
Made a HUGE math error there (I am no valedictorian). It’s actually closer to 200 years.
…Which makes their “How come I don’t know any” comment less of an absurd question, but still!
Wrecks Moregone:
DNA tests, Lorry, they exist now.
Wary Morth:
“Between the teeth, over the tongue, look out, Wilbie, here it comes!”
Gil Thorp, Meta: I believe the “catch,” “swipe,” etc. sound effects are a nod to the world of manga, where similar effects are used frequently. IIRC, Barajas has name-checked popular manga characters in the past. Anyway, we’ll know for certain if we see a bunch of furigana characters showing up explaining how to pronounce Horse Girl’s name.
The Phantom:
Well, then. If you’ll excuse me, I need to go rethink my entire approach to hospice chaplaincy.
H&L: What is this strip trying to tell us about the peculiar world that its characters inhabit? Did the store not have “Welcome” mats because they were sold out, thus implying that Hi and Lois are uniquely miserable people in a friendly town? Or does the store not stock “Welcome” mats due to a lack of demand, thus implying that Hi and Lois are natural optimists who are driven to depression by a hostile world?
Perhaps the more pressing question, though: Do clothing stores in the Hi and Lois universe sell turtleneck t-shirts, or does Hi have to cut the sleeves off himself?
Where have all the punchlines in Hi and Lois gone, you ask? To the dogs, my friend, to the dogs.
@Bob Tice: Come on, Terry, Beatty, whoever! “Mama tried” was right there!
MW: Wilber should have told Belle “You’re not the boss of me!”
GT: And yet the crowd in panel two is making no noise whatsoever. Couldn’t they have added a “CHEER” sound effect?
MW: Belle has picked up on the fact that Wilbur can be persuaded by karaoke, and is now singing Weird Al Yankovic’s “Eat It”. Not the most creative choice; a little too on the nose. What will she sing next?
GT – Oh, cool! I love a good whodunit!
RMMD: “Yessir, we better get ourselves on down to The DNA Lab, conveniently located next to the Morgan Clinic, and get this whole shebang straightened out! If you’re really my son, maybe you can help pay for the wedding.”
GT: “We did it! We caught the ball, even in the face of increasing Dutch angles!”
Ph: I’d like to think that they were originally having this conversation around a table like normal people, but it ended up looking too much like a Lifetime movie. So redraw the whole thing as them sitting uncomfortably in a cave. Very masculine!
H&L: “Also, they didn’t have any regular shirts at the department store, so I got this short-sleeved roll-up turtle neck the color of American cheese. I look like an asshole, don’t I?”
Dustin Someone who makes a living writing jokes that are unfunny and were clichéd 60 years ago really shouldn’t be making fun of other people’s lack of marketable skills.
RMMD:
“Not to dredge up painful memories, Truck, but do you remember how it was that you and Varla broke up?”
“Sure do, son — it was practically Dylanesque. I was drivin’ to a charity gig I was doin’ at Graceland, and she came along with me — and we were fussin’ and fightin’ pretty much the whole time, as always. Finally, at the convenience counter of a gas station, I just called it quits with her.”
“Well, now, what’s Dylanesque about that, Truck? — what exactly did you say?”
” ‘Oh, Mama, can this really be the end/To be stuck inside a Mobil with the Memphis blues again?’ “
H & L — Either that’s a pizza box from an ironic hipster restaurant or door mats are apparently no longer rectangular.
The Ghost Who Muses — Surely this is a question for Old Man Mozz!
GT — I’ve been watching a bit of soccer lately and have casually noticed that the goalie wears a different color from the rest of the team. I guess the Gil Thorp team isn’t willing to put in that kind of time and effort to research its latest Sportsball offering.
FC – What HTT Grandma really said is, “I bet that trollop pawned her ring to pay for a bottle of gin since her breasts are sagging to the point that she can no longer get top-dollar for flashing them anymore.” And she likely added a “harumph” in there.
The Phantom’s whole “not the Batcave” headquarters is one of the stranger HQs in comics. It contains advanced, highly customized computers, so it must have electricity even if it’s also incredibly primitive. However, he doesn’t own a stove or an electric kettle and makes his tea over a smoky campfire in the middle of the floor.
The Ghost Who Walks’s “back to nature” schtick is mostly affectation; if he was really committed to it, he wouldn’t use guns, he’d tie crooks up with snakes and throw sticks at them or something. Still, it’s good to see he’s willing to build a fire in the middle of his home to impress his kid.
You did it? an angry God asks, as his high-five in the clouds gets left hanging. Soon the locusts will come for Milford.
JP: Neddy clearly needs to explore a career in the sex industry. Stripping would work for her. Perhaps she could be a courtesan or maybe a madam.
You’d think Hi would appreciate something that lets the world know that the vaguely dog-shaped animal that thinks in full English sentences who lives with them is, in fact, a dog. The dog in question is happy that they no longer have to tell people that he’s not a misshapen bear or a man in poorly made dog costume.
MW-Are we still talking about food or eating something else?
FC-Day 2 of the thrilling ‘Lost Diamond’ saga.
FC-“You tell your Grandmother to take a lump of coal and make us a new diamond.”
*angrily crumples up draft of today’s Dark Hi And Lois post, which began “I love how concerned both Hi and Lois look here”*
*experiences momentary anger at Josh stealing my bit, then remembers I stole this bit from Josh*
Bizarro: But, his hair is *perfect!*
RMMD: Will this come down to whether Varla had blue eyes or brown? Rex can do an eye-color genetics lecture while they wait for the DNA results
Has anyone ever known a woman named Varla?
“if a guy makes living in a cave… his whole deal, I don’t trust him on abstruse philosophical matters” Josh have you ever heard of Plato
@Anonymous: Belle has picked up on the fact that Wilbur can be persuaded by karaoke, and is now singing Weird Al Yankovic’s “Eat It”
How come you’re always such a fussy young Dawn?
Don’t want no special tea, don’t want no Clog Be Gone?
Don’t get so mad at me just because I stole your song.
So eat it. Just eat it.
Don’t wanna argue, I don’t wanna cute phrase.
Don’t wanna hear you don’t like lentil bolognese.
You can’t eat Mary’s food ’til you mend up your ways.
So eat it. Don’t you tell me you’re full!
Just eat it (eat it), eat it (eat it)
Toss your mushroom sub, don’t heat it!
Have some blood pudding, have some more pies
It doesn’t matter, I scratched out your eyes
Just eat it (eat it), just eat it (eat it)
Just eat it (eat it), just eat it (eat it), ooh
Your table manners are a cryin’ shame
Your boyfriend Dirk was right, you are so f’ing lame
Now if you starve to death, then for me that works the same
So eat it, just eat it
You better listen, better do what you’re told
You haven’t even touched your Willa casserole
This writing is bad and it’s gonna get old
So eat it. I don’t care if you’re full!
(repeat chorus)
GT: “And the crowd goes silent as ‘Catch’ reverberates across the pitch and the new trees jump up several feet.”
MW:”Eat it! Eat it! Eat it!”
[telephone buzzes]
“What is it?”
“Hi, my name is Estelle, I have Iris here with me, just wanted to let you know, he’s the kind of guy who won’t. We both gave up on it.”
FC: Jeffy sees the pile of dust on the floor and pulls down his pants and squats.
Thel yells; “What are you doing!?”
“Hey, you let the cat do it.” He replies.
@matt w: I assure you, sir, that Mr. Fruhlinger is quite familiar with the characters in Beetle Bailey, include Camp Swampy’s resident philosopher, Plato.
Cave canem has a noble tradition, going back to the Romans — they found it in Pompei! But Hi is a postmodern presentist philistine, so I don’t expect him to be delighted to carry out a millenary chain of transmission!
MW – This has descended so far into pure farce that I can’t even snark on it anymore.
If I had my way, The Meddler would enter right now with her Muffin Gun and unalive every one of these ridiculous people.
GT: I like the guy with the black hair in the white button-down shirt. Everyone else is celebrating but he’s just mildly pleased, as if he’s the only one who remembers that this is just the end of another mediocre Milford soccer season and there’s no point getting all worked up about it.
H&L: Well, now I’m curious. What are the circumstances which demanded the Flagstons obtain a front door mat right this minute, without going to multiple stores or on Amazon or anything? Did some hitherto-unseen relative call them up and say, “Hey, I’ll be coming over for dinner directly from my job at the sewage treatment plant and I won’t have time to change my shoes, so you’d better be ready for me!”
Phantom: Kit, honey, your dad’s whole deal is “I was born, raised, and trained expressly for the purpose of carrying on a legacy vigilante persona, and I’ve done the exact same thing to you.” He’s not the best person to be asking about life choices.
@Astroboy: MW – Let he who is without inanity cast the first snark.
Teacher of Wisdom
Gil Thorp – Given the child-like level of drawing, it’s no surprise the artist Rachel Merrill feels the need to label the action happening on screen to make sure readers understand. I think she worries about when Family Circus does another week of “Billy” covering The Family Circus, and her work looks poor in comparison to the intentionally crude art.
The Phantom – It’s hard to believe in free will when your life is a series a coincidences set up to drive a bigger narrative forward.
Hi and Lois – Hi and Lois know their neighborhood is on the decline. First, neighbors become less welcoming, hence the hardware store no longer stocking those mats. Dogs are going from family pets to protection. Soon bars will go up on windows. Stripped cars will sit rusting for months. The neighborhood watch, which was once more of a social club, will turn into a small scale militia. The public architecture will become more hostile, as will the neighbors to any outsiders, and to each other.
Shoe is resentful because despite his conversion to 100% solar, the electric company still sends him a bill to support the infrastructure.
Customer service; “Who do you think pays for those power lines you and all your bird friends like to perch on?”
@Banana Jr. 6000: [Insert gif of Charles Foster Kane clapping intensely]
H&L: I assume this is the same hardware store where Hi buys his hair fixatives.
@TheDiva: About Amazon, I should remind that the writers of Hi and Lois are old fuddy-duddies who encourage people to still read newspapers as opposed to looking up the news on phones. Usually with Chip being the strawman who calls out his parents on being too old fashioned but is always intended to be in the wrong.
MW: Calling it now: simply by standing up to Belle, Wilbur and Dawn cause her to leave without further incident. This is Mary Worth, after all, where dogs are good and nothing ever happens.
@Ettorre:
Cave canem has a noble tradition, going back to the Romans — they found it in Pompei
Pompeiian graffiti is one of those niche little delights that I learned about years ago, and never fails to amuse. Cave Canem is the least of it. There’s sex, scat humor, and drinking. Kind of like graffiti today.
FC – Holier than thou Grandma’s prayer:
St. Anthony, St. Anthony, please help the harlot find that diamond she so carelessly lost. It can’t be my son’s fault for cheaping out on the ring.
Frazz – I wish this insufferable little genius would be reclusive.
Lockhorns – They must have mortgaged their house to get seats with that much legroom.
Pickles – Didn’t Cathy (Ack!) do something similar?
Rex Morgan – Here’s a test: ask Li’l Truck if he likes roots country. Oh, wait – every last person in this area is a serious fan of roots country, so that doesn’t narrow it down. Scratch that.
Gil Thorp – Don Martin weeps.
Going by Weird Al’s song “Hardware Store”
(Would you look at all that stuff)
They’ve got allen wrenches, gerbil feeders, toilet seats, electric heaters
Trash compactors, juice extractor, shower rods, and water meters
Walkie-talkies, copper wires, safety goggles, radial tires
BB pellets, rubber mallets, fans and dehumidifiers
Picture hangers, paper cutters, waffle irons, window shutters
Paint removers, window louvres, masking tape and plastic gutters
Kitchen faucets, folding tables, weather stripping, jumper cables
Hooks and tackle, grout and spackle, power foggers, spoons and ladles
Pesticides for fumigation, high-performance lubrication
Metal roofing, water proofing, multi-purpose insulation
Air compressors, brass connectors, wrecking chisels, smoke detectors
Tire gauges, hamster cages, thermostats, and bug deflectors
Trailer hitch demagnetizers, automatic circumcisers
Tennis rackets, angle brackets, Duracells and Energizers
Soffit panels, circuit brakers, vacuum cleaners, coffee makers
Calculators, generators, matching salt and pepper shakers.
Sorry Hi, no mention of Welcome Mats.
GT: The ghost of Matthew Perry seems less than impressed in panel 2. “Of all the summonses of all the Ouija boards in all the world, I had to answer Coach Martinez’s,” he thinks. “Could this be any more lame?”
“Onomatopoeia” looks far too Greek to take a Latin plural ending. It’s a disturbing phenomenon that makes me shriek “AE!”
@I speak Jive: And if he isn’t, would by default make him the villain of this arc.
@Guts Dozier: H&L: Do clothing stores in the Hi and Lois universe sell turtleneck t-shirts, or does Hi have to cut the sleeves off himself?
Hi got them from Bill Belichick.
Gil Thorp Sound Effect Script:
P1: “Catch”
P2: “Point”
P3: “Fist”
C’shaft: So the sprinklers will be turning on in the middle of the day, when it’s so hot and dry that the water will evaporate before doing any good. You’re the reason we have watering restrictions, Crankshaft.
DT: How did the art thief know that lightning would take out the security cameras? Put out an APB for Doc Brown immediately!
Dustin: Dustin has a BA in English literature, indicating a high level of reading, writing, and textual analysis skills (yes, I know he has displayed absolutely none of these in-strip, but stay with me). Bitchy Temp Office Recruiter can’t figure out how these skills might be applicable to the large amount of office work gigs she gets on a regular basis, has the interpersonal skills of Ebenezer Scrooge at Jacob Marley’s funeral, and suffers from Resting Withering Disdain Face. I’m not sure I agree with this strip’s perspective on which of the two is more inherently employable.
Luann: Shannon is so desperate for warmth and empathy that she’s seeking it from Bernice. This would be very sad, if Shannon weren’t an insufferable brat.
MW: Look, June, I know the phrases “Wilbur Weston” and “an ounce of backbone” intersect nowhere on the Venn diagram of life, but you didn’t need to make him look so much like he was asking Belle’s permission to refuse her attempts to poison him. (Not that I’m complaining; this situation is hilarious and my only regret is that it can only last so long before whatever absurd deus ex machina your partner has cooked up comes in to stop it.)
RMMD: Are you kidding? Gray the hair, grow some sideburns and tease out the eyebrows, and you two are practically twins!
@Old School Allie Cat: There is graffiti on a roman bathhouse, which says “Women of the world weep, for my genitals will now only penetrate the bodies of men.”
This may be the greatest example of a coming out story I’ve seen yet, if not the earliest recorded.
Mary Worth is the “Axe Cop” of soap comic strips, as it’s drawn professionally, contrasting the outright insanity of the childish writing.
Except Axe Cop was literally written by a Kid, and the result is basically one big imaginary playtime session with heroes killing badguys in epically ridiculous ways… (compare Andy’s playtime sessions in the Toy Story movies, make it more hilarious and epic, and professionally drawn and that’s the gist of it.)
Mary Worth however doesn’t have that excuse… GET HELP MOY.
@TheDiva: On Dustin: I am sure the creators are totally unaware that Dustin is the character who is depicted as the least incompetent at the jobs he attempts.
@TheDiva: Meanwhile, I recall an Archie comic, where Archie was at a job interview and he was playing a videogame the entire time.
Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Archie: Just a second, I have to finish this level!
And he got the job… that wasn’t even presented as a joke either. Just kicking off the actual plot.
Some people have all of the luck.
MW: Not sure what the cross-over is on fandom with Mary Worth and Avenged Sevenfold but I’ll assume it’s just me here…But Belle chanting EAT IT EAT IT EAT IT is a direct quote from Avenged Sevenfold’s “Little Piece of Heaven” which is a story about a guy who (and I’m cleaning this up a LOT) kills his girlfriend after she says no to his proposal, he eats her heart, she comes back from the dead and kills him, then HE comes back from the dead, and the two zombies fall in love and go on a killing spree and live happily ever after.
You know, a love story!
ANYWAY, the band chants EAT IT EAT IT EAT IT over the scene where the boyfriend eats her heart and given the tenor of the rest of the song, yeah, I think Moy is an A7X fan…
When you’re the heir of twenty generations of characters who said, “You know, houses, civilization, living off of the massive wealth my ancestors confiscated from pirates and failed to return to the indigenous peoples they were stolen from isn’t as great as living in a dank, dark cave, wearing purple spandex, and fighting vaguely non-white pirates and dying young,” I’m guessing free will doesn’t exist for you, Kit.
GT – I thought you weren’t supposed to catch soccer balls. Of course, I don’t know anything about sports, but then neither does Barajas.
Phantom – Gee, Dad, these amazing coincidences are like a lazy plot device in a shoddily written work of fiction! How can that be?
Don Abundio, translated:
“Got any little jobs for me?”
“Give this to Otto as a bonus for cleaning the basement”
“Of course I’m not expecting any bonus from that old cheapskate!”
“Do you suppose this is how Uncle Abundio made his money?”
@lynn: Trust Dennis; he knows bad art when he sees it, and he’s looking at it right now.
@Peanut Gallery: The goal keeper can catch the ball. But, as someone mentioned above, the keeper is supposed to have a distinctly coloured uniform to indicate their status, which wasn’t depicted here.
@Old School Allie Cat: The most important archeological find ever
This is a milestone, the first time ever that Wilbur has turned down a plate of food in his life. Put some mayo on it, Belle!
MW: As the three idiots argue back and forth about the mushroom stew, a “CLUNQ!” followed by the sound of shattered glass resonates from the living room. It is Dawn’s defaced picture, which had finally had enough of this inane story and took its own life.
Seriously, why did Moy go to the trouble of showing Belle maniacally inking out Dawn’s eyes if she had no intention of exploiting the picture as a plot device? These are the dumbest characters in the dumbest story I have ever come across in comics-land. Aiyeee!!!!
RMMD: I knew a guy at work who became enraged with a fury that knew no bounds when his wife turned up pregnant after he had a vasectomy. She made him get tested and it turned out the vasectomy hadn’t quite taken. He wasn’t shooting blanks. He had a lot of crow to eat.
@Banana Jr. 6000: A parody of a parody. Nice. If you ever get a chance to listen, the Japanese female rock band Shonen Knife does a, uh, “distinctive” cover of the Weird Al song, kicking it off with a few bars of “Smoke on The Water.”
@The Rambling Otter: A true classic.
@Daisy: I think it was just to tell the audience “Belle doesn’t like Dawn” despite we would have figured it out pretty fast anyway.
MW: these two doofii need to put in a call to April Parker. A neck snapping might help.
H & L: Ha ha! Dawg is *so* gonna maul the first person who steps on *HIS* doormat!
GT: It occurs to me that the inspirational exchange of “You did it!”, “We…we did it” suddenly takes on a sinister undertone when applied to different context. There may be no “I” in “team”, but there’s most definitely a “U” and “we” in “assault with a deadly weapon” for example.
@The Rambling Otter: #90
Yeah…I guess. Such a waste of a perfectly good plot device, if you ask me. HUMPH!!!
[stomping away from my computer to find my center…]
GT: Those Milford coach’s shirts look like McDonald’s employees,
Gil Thorpe: [TYPE] [WITY] [POST] [LAUGH] [FLOAT]
Lockhorns-How could she have left the cookies in the oven? You have to be at the airport at least an hour before your flight.
Lockhorns-And thus the Burning that was talked about in ‘Funky Winkerbean’ began and it was done due to negligent cooking.
Gil Thorp-They did it! They did it! What they did I have absolutely no idea!
@Victor Von: re: Phantom:. That’s not Skull Cave. Last week the big guy stated that they’re on a camping trip, to a spot Kit hasn’t been since he was a boy. Why you would walk to a cave to sleep when your primary residence is also a cave was not explained.
”Geez, Pop, your tea tastes like dishwater. Point in Manju’s favor, I guess.”
If Dawg can read English,is he going to point out the mat people misspelled “Dawg”?
FC: I thought Saint Jude handled the lost causes. St. Anthony was the one who talked to fish.
The Phant-dumb: “Would I,could I, is it fate?/Would I Could I with green eggs and ham on my plate?”
H&L: Dawg is so excited about the new doormat. “Finally!” he thinks “people will realize that I am to be respected, nay, feared! They will cower by the mailbox at my mighty roar! They will whisper that my doghouse covers the entrance to a crypt of horrors!” Dawg, I know Marmaduke. Marmaduke is – well, certainly NOT a friend of mine. And you are no Marmaduke.
@TheDiva: Luann: And vice versa.
Gil Twerp: They did it!!! They caught the fiendish thingy!!! Now, lets get back to getting the sacrificial ring off of the Famous Ringo’s famous finger!
Crank: Once again, the main use anyone has found for AI is crimes.
DT: “Of course, your other security issue is that you need the police to tell you your security was out, several days after the event. If you ever have another painting stolen, that’s probably something you should check pretty quickly.”
FC: It’s not often Family Circus does running storylines, and it’s usually something slightly more interesting like “Bil and Thel have taken the kids somewhere that isn’t the Kompound, and regret it.”
GT: I don’t even care about football (“soccer”, whatever) but I grew up occasionally reading Roy of the Rovers when I couldn’t find any unread Beanos or 2000ADs in the stacks of unsorted comics in the school library, so I know what a dramatic save in comics form looks like. It involves lots of motion lines, both from the ball and the goalie, and probably a wide angle so we can see the powerful kick that the goalie’s stopped. Maybe that powerful kick was in yesterday’s strip (although I doubt it), but this panel shows Inma catching a ball that’s maybe been kicked, maybe been lobbed gently towards her. In fact, the nonomatopea is doing most of the work in making it clear she’s not dropping the ball!
JP: Neddy’s gone from “why did I ever leave here?” to “why am I still stuck here?” in the time it’s taken to dismount. I hope Melody Mare gets hazard pay for having to listen to this stuff, because I assume it’s even more annoying in person.
Phantom: I’ve dissed Kit’s suitability to be the next Phantom a lot, but there are some aspects of the Stripey legacy that he’s got down, and one of them is a conviction that literally everything has to be about him at all times that would make a Driver-Spencer blush. It can’t possibly be that Fate decided Weezie was the best person to help Kadia overcome her issues about her father (which, to be fair, probably isn’t the choice I’d make if I were Fate) and it’s not actually about setting you up with a second love interest, can it, Kit? I am increasingly convinced that the only acceptable conclusion to this plot point is that Kadia isn’t into dudes, and perhaps that this was always obvious to everyone except the Walker family, and maybe Mrs Daft.
RMMD: I was half-kidding at the time, but with Truck’s uncertainty about being the father, I’m doubling down on Cody’s real daddy being Mud Mountain.
SH: “Sand in places I don’t normally have,” yipes. I had never stopped to wonder how … thorough .. Vince’s transformation into Pam was, and now I feel I was much happier not knowing.
Frazz: Caulfield’s flailing arms will ensure he does not run into anyone, valedictorian or otherwise.
Dirk Twacy Hollistic Defective: “…..and the lightning struck giving the thief cover to get away, and go home to sleep with his wife. Had this been an actual Minute Mystery, you would have been given a warning where to find additional clues.This concludes this test of the Minute Mystery Warning System.”
@Voshkod: I’m wondering why the Plato in BB today has, as one commenter put it, a “tan.” We’ll see if the “tan” goes away in subsequent strips or if someone is in line for a make-over.
@TheDiva: On Dustin: Remember, the only job Dustin had that lasted more than a couple of days was in a bookstore. Too bad the bookstores in his town all closed.
@Peanut Gallery: DtM: Yeah, and he’s freaking out, too. Something’s wrong with Alice; her left arm is twisting grotesquely and her right arm is nowhere to be seen. Henry’s taking it well, though.
FC: Next the rugs will be pulled up and the floorboards pried loose until there’s no more floor over the basement. Thel finally will find the diamond in Jeffy’s pants cuff.
@Liam: Re Lockhorns – A raging oven fire would cause a lot more damage than that half assed kindling fire on the bookstore steps.
@Ukulele Ike: I’m not of the Catholic persuasion, but I do know that St. Anthony is the go-to for finding lost objects. There’s a special prayer for it.
@GarrisonSkunk: I got that famous reference!
@Horace Broon: Re FC – Maybe they can still buy the melonheads souvenir pennants – “Mommy’s lost diamond 2025.”
@Bob Tice:
#3. PHANTOM: Actually that non-breathing suit is part of his powers– a stench release flap knocks foes unconscious
LUANN: Shannon is transforming Bern not into a fish but into a human with emotions
BoT: the tot’s joy in the morning keeps me clicking daily. Remember back when we were so excited about the adventures of a new day?
@I speak Jive: “Dear Saint Anthony in Heaven, please ask the fish where my other sock is.”
@Dr. Pill: Dustin enjoyed that job because he spent most his time on the can, reading. “Hey, Fitch! Did you know porn comes in book form now?”
FG: Where’s Big Blue Bok in this kerfuffle? My guess he’s on a side mission to rescue Zarkov.
@Ukulele Ike: St Jude is hopeless causes, as others note St Anthony really is the “right one” for lost stuff. As I understand it, Jude gets the “I’ve tried everything else, even other saints, I’m out of options” prayers because people had to be absolutely desperate to try praying for help from someone whose name was perilously close to Judas Iscariot
The current art of Gil Thorp always makes me think that I’m a little drunk, or viewing it from inside some distorting glass vessel.
@Anonymous:
#24. FRAZZ: Caulfield doesn’t know any because he’s a kid, and kids don’t know much about the grownups in their lives. Maybe Frazz was a valedictorian, or his grandma was.
Having been blessed to have been schooled by a small town, I see former valedictorians at the grocery store, at the doctor’s office, on the farm. Being good at school doesn’t mean you’re too good to work, kid.
@Banana Jr. 6000:
#51 M: Michael Jackson would have given it a Parody Blue Ribbon.
@Daisy: re MW: The defaced picture was a plot device to give the audience “secret” info that would hang over the action for the entire story, leading us to anticipate its discovery. There’s probably a name for this technique but I don’t know what it’s called..
I expect Wilbur and Dawn will discover the picture at the very end, and they realize the clue to Belle’s evil was right there all the time.
I’m not saying it’s a *good* plot device….
.
GT: Nice John Travolta disco arm thrust from Gil.
H&L: Sure, Dawg loves it, but all the actual attack dogs and fighting dogs in the neighborhood will consider it stolen valor.
Phantom: Phantom uses the word “fate” because there’s no way his dim sun will wrap his head around the phrase “authorial contrivance.”
The Phantom-“There is one far more wiser than me in the land of the Americas who can help you with your dilemma. Her name is Mary Worth.”
It seems like it was just yesterday that I went to the hardware store in my Plymouth Satellite Sebring station wagon, Anne Murray crooning on the radio, so I could by a door mat, a phone jack, and a bag of cocoa shells to spread around the coleus plants.
I’m more intrigued that only now, after eons of living in that house, Hi and Lois are JUST NOW buying a Welcome mat. Does that mean that everyone who entered previously was, in fact, unwelcome? Have they just now decided to open their hearts? Open your hearts, Flagstons!
Oh, wait, 98% of the people in their house has been Thirsty. I…get the conflict, now.
FC: Suddenly, Jeffy sneezes and the mucus-coated missing diamond pops out of his nose.
BB: Uh, Plato? I wouldn’t recommend that you boo. Showing up to the speech in blackface already risks attracting too much attention.
C-Shaft: You can tell it’s a smart garden because there’s a whole row of at signs.
DT: Curious what happened as a result of this “lightening strike.” Perhaps it also affected a lobby that had been painted deep red, giving the walls more of a medium rose hue? Anyway, it’s too bad this isn’t a visual medium that could represent all these events in real time.
Dustin: Always on top of the trends, the Dustin crew takes on the scourge that is non-STEM college subjects.
JP: The Grammar Judges have ruled that Neddy is in the clear with her “literally”, since North-Northeast is actually a direction.
Luann: Tears? Thank God! I thought it was a tattoo that meant Shannon had killed a kid during timeout.
MW: The exact point where Karen Moy just said “screw it” and decided to write the characters as a trio of grade schoolers in a treehouse.
Phantom:
“So, I’ve been sort of hanging with this nice waitress in Tibet, but even though I’ve never seen her in a bikini I can tell Kadia has it all over her in that department, and Kadia’s got this risky bad girl vibe in the bargain, so … Can Old Man Mozz fix it up so I can have an alternate reality hooking up like you had with Sarvana, but the nice girl’s still there for me and it’s all Fate and nobody can blame me? And speaking of Sarvana … “
@Arabella: #117
I am *certain* there’s a name for what Moy is doing…I think the term was covered in my freshman creative writing class decades ago…narrative consistency? Coherence?
@Lauralot: Yeah, but that mat will just invite in werewolves.
@Liam: Well, Mary did crossover with the Phantom once (She shared a cab with Heloise in New York, and both comics synced this scene) so they share the same universe at least, or whenever the writers feel like it.
@SomeJerk: Hell, Kit hasn’t even seen Manju’s leg higher than the ankle. But she does know the Kama Sutra backwards and forwards, so there’s that.
Phantom: I’m still not sure why this mopey, angst-ridden goof seems to be the heir-apparent to Phantomhood. Get Heloise fitted for a suit. Kit will doubtlessly be extremely relieved.
@Brian in STL: In practice the current Phantom is likely to stay in the role until the heat death of the universe, but yeah.
MT: This story “terrorizes” the basics of common sense. Readers were told earlier that the races were not being held on public land. That means they are being held on private land. WHOSE PRIVATE LAND? Obviously the solution requires action from the OWNER, not this dubious crew, who are trespassing themselves if they didn’t get permission to be on this property, and I bet they didn’t. And if this is actually LoFo land, that makes this even stupider.
It would have been so easy to do a story about illegal OHV riding on public and private land, which is a real, serious, and very damaging problem across the country. I’ve had OHV damage on my own land. You don’t have to be all serious all the time, Jules, but your fiction should be a lot better than this.
@Anonymous: All will be forgiven if Belle attempts to recreate the guitar solo, and thus explodes.
@Poteet: Reporting as ordered, ma’am.
LUANN: I’m not a child-loathing monster, honest. I’ve enjoyed the company of dozens of real children over the decades. But Shannon is an unlikeable spoiled brat, and being a tearful brat doesn’t help.
JP – Neddy, are you stuck like thisl?
@Private Land: Bwahahaha!
@Guy Nerdlinger: “Smoke on The Water.”
Is that the WWII one that goes,
There’ll be smoke on the water,
On the land and the sea,
When the Army and the Navy,
Overtake the enemy.”
@Poteet: Damn. I’m past my expiration date.
@Spoiled Brat: HAR!! Sympathies, but at least you are not Shannon.
JP: ”At least you have direction, Soph. But me? I’m stuck.”
“Well, technically you’re not. Because your boyfriend just dumped you.”
GT: Oh, I get it now!! The advice to “catch” the ball is being uttered by the clouds, and then the people in the second panel point to the clouds to confirm that the clouds gave great advice, and in the final panel, the girl who caught the ball observes that it was “we,” meaning she and the clouds, who were responsible for the catch. I wish every GIL THORP strip were this easy to understand.
I was thinking of an arc in the Doctor Who comicbooks, where The 11th Doctor had a talking Tyrannosaurus Rex as a companion.
Especially seeing as he was a literal dinosaur, he could just scare (most) villains off with minimal effort.
Amy (to Rory): Remember when we used to do the running?
Why am I bringing this up?
Because that was awesome. And I found today’s comics boring and depressing.
So that’s a freebie.
CRANKSHAFT: It’s June in Ohio. I had relatives who gardened in Ohio long ago, and honestly, they would have been embarrassed if their gardens weren’t farther along than this by the beginning of June. By June, they were harvesting and eating some kinds of veggies. And that was before climate change made Ohio warmer.
@97 Liam: on Lockhorns 1: Loretta is making refrigerator cookies. Get it? She’s such a horrible cook she cooks refrigerator cookies! Ha HA!
@110 Activist: on Phantom: Wilbur Weston has a stench release flap that knocks foes unconscious–it’s called his upper lip.
@Baja Gaijin: Wilbur’s stench makes swine run for the hills
@Pork Larder (mystery hero): Wilbie comin’ ‘round the mountain when he cums….
@I speak Jive: FC: Tony Tony hear my prayer, something’s lost I know not where
@Dennis Jimenez: When Wilbur cums someone is grunting.
@Unca Bob: Thanks! I heard someone quote the prayer once, but didn’t remember the wording.
@I speak Jive: *officially* there’s also (I kid you not):
O blessed St. Anthony,
the grace of God has made you a powerful advocate
in all our needs and the patron
for the restoring of things lost or stolen.
I turn to you today with childlike love and deep confidence.
You have helped countless children of God
to find the things they have lost,
material things, and, more importantly,
the things of the spirit: faith, hope, and love.
I come to you with confidence;
help me in my present need.
I recommend what I have lost to your care,
in the hope that God will restore it to me, if it is His holy Will.
But it’s more likely someone will pray “St Anthony, St Anthony please come around – something’s lost that must be found!” (-:
MW: Belle is going to make Wilbur and Dawn STAY at the table until they FINISH. EVERY. BITE.
@Lauralot: My own mat at the front door features Taz & says “Go Away.” Takes care of any lurking vampires.
@CanuckDownSouth: Thanks! The version I heard was the informal one.
@CanuckDownSouth: There was a Saint who you can pray to, to ask to give people nice things.
When I was a kid, I didn’t really know how it worked (or maybe I was just a terrible person at the time) And I really really wanted to play the computer game “The secret of Monkey Island” I had never played it, and only had the demo on the Amiga which really intrigued me.
So I asked the saint if I could have it.
I did eventually obtain the game years later, but it was bound to happen, I would never assume my prayer did it, because I since knew it doesn’t work like that.
The version I have now, has completely redone graphics (which look terrible) and a crappy interface. But I can switch it to “retro mode” which is preferable, but the retro mode doesn’t have the voice acting.
The Monkey Paw curls.
@The Rambling Otter: And then there was Saint Anthony .
@CanuckDownSouth: What? Nothing about ol’ Tony talking to fish?
@Poteet: Ohio’s State Fruit is the tomato; its State Drink is tomato juice. I WISH I could get Jersey late-summer tomatoes here that could match the perfect scarlet beauties I was able to snarf down as a teenager. My parents grew tomatoes in their garden, and EVERYONE WE KNEW grew tomatoes in their gardens. One guy had, like, five acres of tomato plants; god knows what he did with them all. Maybe sold them to my parents when their crop failed.
@Ukulele Ike: #156: Five acres, were they out in the open or in a greenhouse? He probably sent them to that tomato packing plant in Berea that I worked a few summers.
@Poteet: #143: Did your friends live in Northern or Southern Ohio? Big difference. Northern Ohio weather is influenced by what comes off the Great Lakes while Southern Ohio’s is influenced by what comes off the Mississippi Valley by way of the Ohio River. The part of the strip I found hard to believe was a watering ban in effect. Ohio has a humid climate and it rains a lot. The northern part of the state (where Crankshaft canonically takes place) also has an inexaustable supply of fresh water by way of Lake Erie.
@Ukulele Ike: Like many (most?) saints, Anthony is a patron of many things – as one site says: “Patron Saint of amputees, animals, mail, horses, expectant mothers, fishermen, harvests, lost articles, boatmen, and travelers, as well as the elderly, oppressed, poor, and starving”. I expect the fishermen part comes from preaching to the fish!
@Guillermo el chiclero: I grew up about 10 miles south of Lake Erie, and we drank the lake. My grandparents, however, retired to a house and 60-some acres of hills and farmland further south in Richfield, and got their water from a well. I remember being scolded for running too deep a bath when I got shoved off on them for a weekend.
Haven’t we determined that Cranky lives down around central Ohio, while the Funkies were up north near Strongsville?
@Ukulele Ike: #160: I dunno. Cranky is an Indians (I refuse to call them the Guardians) fan. If he lived further south he would more likely be a Pirates or Reds fan.
@Arabella: @Daisy:
I think the term is “dramatic irony.” A good example of it would be in O Henry’s classic “The Gift of the Magi.”
“ALL WILL FEAR ME AND DESPAIR!” – Dawg