Jon minus reasons to live
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Garfield, 7/19/25
True comics internet oldheads remember Garfield Minus Garfield, a webcomic that, as the title implied, took daily Garfield comics in which Jon and Garfield interacted and simply removed Garfield from them. This became a minor internet sensation back in 2008, and apparently tickled Jim Davis so much that it became an officially licensed book. That was many years ago, and I hope I don’t sound churlish when I say that the concept never really worked for me because it seemed slightly off. Surely the joke should not be that Jon is alone and talking to nobody; Garfield should remain in the frame but his thought balloons should be removed, to show us the “real” world where Jon is just a depressed and/or deranged man talking to his cat, who, like all cats, cannot understand him or talk back. Today’s strip is a great example of why that would work. “It doesn’t get any better than this,” says Jon, with absolutely no joy in his eyes, before staring at his cat for two panels in absolute silence.
Mary Worth, 7/19/25
21st century commercial air travel is, in terms of deaths or injuries per mile, the safest form of transportation humankind has ever produced. I guess it’s slightly more dangerous than simply staying at home and sitting absolutely still, so technically Mary isn’t wrong when she says it’s “a privilege and also a risk,” but she is being extremely overdramatic. She’s also referring to flying coach via Denver to New York City, a place she’s visited at least twice before, as “explor[ing] the unknown,” so she’s really on one today, I guess.
Dustin, 7/19/25
Helen is clearly used to Ed not specifying that he wants his bacon crispy and then complaining when he gets it and it’s not crispy, so she intervenes in panel one here, hoping that their waitress will not in fact hate them by the end of the meal. By panel three we can already see her effort was in vain.
96 replies to “Jon minus reasons to live”
Mary Worth Mashups: Which missing final panel do you wish were canon?
Family Circus: OK, let me understand this little tableaux. Thel just arrived home from hours of shopping. She left the baby alone at home with just a bowl of glop for entertainment. This is approaching Hi and Lois-level Trixie abandonment.
Pluggers: Uh huh, like a plugger owns a suit. Pull the other one, McKee.
Dennis the Menace: Wow, those are some well-drawn low color background characters. You can tell they’re people and everything.
@Baja Gaijin: That’s like asking if I want a million dollars, or a million dollars, or a million dollars. Those three options are all EXXXXCELLENT!
MW:
“Of course, the plane isn’t going to crash because then there wouldn’t be a strip anymore, and that’s not going to happen, obviously — so why am I ruminating about this in the first place, anyway?”
Garfield:
“But it is going to get just a little bit better when Godot shows up.”
MW: Mary smiles to herself, admitting that the REAL reason she has avoided flying up until now is because taking her shoes off in the security line also revealed her advanced case of toenail fungus.
I definitely remember a Garfield Minus Garfield counterpart that just removed the thought balloons. In fact, it might have been first? Someone else probably remembers better than me.
Dustin: Helen’s plea to the waitress for an escape falls on apathetic ears thanks to Ed once again being a passive aggressive asshole.
MW: Mary seems to have it in her head that being crammed into a Boeing 737 like a sardine makes her the next Amelia Earhart.
MW: wow, Mary is truly bold.
MW – This is a new level of twatwaffledom for Mary doing a victory lap for getting on an airplane. She’s even more self-absorbed than Frazz, Ed Kudlick, and Wilbur Weston combined.
MW: Flying was a privilege if you made history doing it with the Wright Brothers (and maybe Mary did) Now, if you can buy a ticket, you can fly.
RMMD:
“You wouldn’t happen to know where this Spuds guy is now, would you?”
“Hooked up with a Duchess — Anna was her name, I think, but Spuds and Anna didn’t see eye-to-eye. Ended up with some gal named O’Brien. He and she then moved to the third-largest city in France, northwest of the French Alps, so I guess that makes him Lyonnaise.”
Family Circlejerk – It’s difficult to look at today’s installment. It looks like Jeffy barfed on P. J.
@Blackdrazon: I have the same recollection. Removing the speech bubbles came first. Garfield Minus Garfield came later as a more absurdist take.
Garfield: “It doesn’t get better than this” Ugh, he’s not wearing pants, is he?
MW: I joked last week that this week we would probably be treated to Mary doing mundane activities at the airport, but I have to admit, “Mary stands in the middle of the terminal silently contemplating the privilege of air travel” was not something I had guessed.
Dustin: Yeah, that is indeed crispy bacon (?). “Also I want my eggs over easy. How over easy? Let me put it to you this way: I’d like the white set but the yolk to be runny, such that it flows out when I cut through the center!”
MW: Dare we hope Mary’s reverie is foreshadowing a dramatic plane crash?
Guess that’s asked-and-answered, putting “dramatic” anywhere near Mary Worth.
Mary has only been back in the spotlight of her own comic for a few weeks but she’s definitely trying to make up for lost time. You thought Wilbur was a self absorbed narcissist for preparing to sacrifice his daughter so he could get laid? Now we have Mary age creeping on a teenage girl while still acting like she’s some sort of pioneer because she went on a plane.
Crankshaft : and that old friend was… Fergus “Mud Mountain” Murphy! It’s lucky Bat
iukTON THOMAS hates the Internet, and doesn’t pay attention to what the current batch of kids actually like, otherwise his smug “I became successful, he never did” would fly off his face like a swingset on the Moon.************
Dustin : DustinDad will STILL complain after dinner, whining that he would have rather had chewy, greasy bacon than dry, brittle stuff. And then, when he orders the other way around the next time, he’ll complain he’d rather have had it crispy.
***********
Garfield vs Mary Worth : sure, treating a simple trip across the country to meet at a friend’s house as if it was an epic, dangerous adventure into the unknown might seem kinda pathetic, but remember that there are people who don’t have friends to travel to, and probably couldn’t even muster the courage to leave their house even if they did. Those people are bullied by their cats.
At least Jon never had to deal with Garfield purposefully urinating on a chair right before he sat on it@Powers: I think I also saw a “Garfield Minus” which was three blank panels, but surely as a one-off spoof – or would it be a meta-spoof?
RMMD: Truck points passed himself to Door No. 2, and out steps the REAL father– Rex? Mud? Doc Pritchet?
Nah, I called it weeks ago but modestly won’t mention it. Real question thinking of Truck and Keith (MW), do older men also have a ticking biological clock?
GA: So the cook at Corky’s is not Clovia but a different brown-haired woman. Checked Characters in Wikipedia, where the cook is named as Hope. How does Baleen fit in?
@Ken: Dare we hope Mary’s reverie is foreshadowing a dramatic plane crash?
I feel like we’re overdue for a Lost reboot. I’m not saying that there’s a high chance of crashing on an island between LAX and Newark, but it’s not nil.
@pugfuggly: If we’re going by the luck of the Charterstone sociopaths, Mary’s going to wind up being pampered and primped in the Hamptons.
MW: Here in Fla during the run up to the vote on legalizing weed the antis specifically cited Denver as a place where you couldn’t go anywhere without marijuana smoke being blown in your face. Perhaps, Mary’s confused thoughts are indicative of time spent wondering around the Denver airport which, if the narration box is to be believed, has already lasted several days.
Garfield Minus Joy.
@Baja Gaijin: Number Three: Wilbur after having a foodgasm is now basking in a post-prandial hazy dream like state thinking about him and Bats in their swimsuits walking on the beach.
Dustin: [five minutes spent explaining how to cook the bacon]
And how do you want those eggs?
“You decide. I’m not fussy.”
@pugfuggly: Since she’s flying through DIA — likely the only airport with a “Conspiracy Theories” section in its wikipedia entry — Mary could wander through some alien portal and find herself on the Lost island. Then Wilbur washes up on shore after being shipwrecked again, and we all realize that we’re the ones who are dead and in hell.
“It doesn’t get any better than this.” – Quality Control at Jim Davis Inc.
DT: Nice use of clip art. Yesterday: Luger Pistol + Energy Source from Rick and Morty Portal Gun = super zapper. Generic lab background today.
RMMD: Yeah, right, your marriage broke up because your wife was fooling around. Truck, in all your years of song writing, haven’t you figured out cause and effect aren’t always what you want them to be?
JP: Why is the barista running with them? He works there, is a local and is familiar with Norway – why isn’t he calling the police or helping to settle the crowd, and help the wounded. UNLESS he is part of the set up. The thing was a set up. The job in Norway -fake, subliminal messages and their landlady hinted to go to this place, where the cartoon bad guy egged April on to explode. Knowing the girls would flee and call the person, they are truly seeking. Barista guy now has a signal trace and a number. Sounds crazy but in the JP universe, this is rock solid plotting!
MW: Too bad MW doesn’t have an inner ear problem that prevents her from flying and she has to take a series of trains and busses. Then the travel time might just match the cartoon strip time.
MW: The adventure set to begin at last, Mary prepares to board her flight. Mary Worth, Famed Aviatrix, dons her close-fitting leather helmet, adjusts her goggles, and throws the end of her light purple tasseled scarf over her shoulder. “Contact!” she calls out, tightening her seatbelt. Nearby, a wary flight attendant signals a nearby air marshall to spring into action. “We’ve got another one in seat G12,” she says as, from the rear of the plane, the air marshall resolutely removes a similarly attired beagle.
Helen’s gratuitous little smile is the opposite Blondie‘s constant efforts to validate Dagwood’s wackiness. I hate the guy saying “That’s so you, Dag!” because no one would ever do that. I hate Helen smiling at Ed’s asshole behavior because that’s just what she would do.
Garfield – Ain’t lookin’ for nothin’ but a good time! Right guys….
MW – Plumb the depths, Mary! The seamy side of the midtown NYC Hilton….
Dustin – It’s that witty repartee that endears him to the menial class….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
MW: Contra Josh, flying IS a big risk these days, because the FAA has been gutted. Hopefully Mary’s plane won’t land upside down.
CS: It’s nice that, at his age, Tom Batiuk is learning new words and using them. “Nictitating membrane,” very nice Tom. But that “transparent or translucent third eyelid” didn’t signify “an unforeseen line,” it signified that he’d just done a few bong rips, and was so. fucking. bored. with you and your droning about comic books.
@Baja Gaijin: Panel 3 reminds me of that random scene of Wilbur eating a hamburger in the middle of Keith Hillend’s story where the audience learns that there’s no escape from Wilbur Weston.
@Activist: Nope, we keep shooting live rounds til the end.
Might take a little longer to shoot off that live round, for some people it might need pharmaceutical assistance, but it’s possible. Willie Nelson was 56 when his youngest was born. Tony Randall became a dad for the first time at 77. Here’s a list.
@treetown: As a former touring musician, I have thoughts (and some stories) about Truck’s predicament.
All I know is Truck’s wife is lucky Allison Krauss didn’t hear about it.
Dustin: There was an Phineas and Ferb episode where Phineas and Ferb built a old-style all-day breakfast diner. Candace was the waitress.
Patron: Do you have bacon?
Candace: Yes, yes we do.
Patron: Is it good?
Candace: It’s bacon.
That line alone trumps about 10 years of attempted humour from Dustin.
Dustin – I hope she tests every piece of bacon by dropping it on the floor and then bringing Ed a plate of shattered bacon. After the entire kitchen has spit on it, of course.
MW- I guess Moy decided to have Mary wax poetic instead of the usual “what do you mean ‘ it’s over 50 pounds ‘?”
Dustin – Ed insures against extra crispy bacon by having the server spit into it.
Dustin: Oh, c’mon Ed. You know full well that not even a single crumb of that bacon is going to fall in the ground. Your gaping maw would hoover it up midair faster than you could say, “Lord, I wish my son were here so I could insult him somehow.”
Dustin-“So crispy that if I throw it it gets stuck in my lazy good for nothing son’s forehead.”
RMMD-“Now call me ‘Daddy’.”
MW-Ah yes. The risk of someone crashing the plane so they don’t have to hear you talk anymore, Mary.
MW-You could take the train or the bus, Mary.
FC-“I have got to teach you how to swallow.”
CS – “A barely perceptible look crossed his face like a nictating membrane of a bird’s eye.” I remember reading that sentence in 2001 in the alt.fan.humor newsgroup under the heading “Teachers share examples of terrible student writing.” I’m glad Batiuk was able to repurpose it.
Garfield: “It doesn’t get any better than this.”
Jon is standing on a stack of C notes, so yeah.
@Weaselboy:
A barely perceptible look crossed his face like a nictitating membrane of a bird’s eye
Bouton uses basically that line when describing Mickey Mantel shutting the bus window on clamoring fans.
“And he likes his bacon crispy…like his men!”
@pugfuggly: “He’s not wearing pants, is he?”
Garfield? Never has, never will. Which is inconvenient, considering that by walking upright on two legs all the time, his little cat dick keeps dangling in Jon’s face. O, how tempting that must be for a perennial bachelor!
@treetown: re JP: or … Barista saw everyone get up and attack April and realized there are no real customers to help. Maybe that’s why every table was full when we usually just have morning takeaway business he thinks as he runs off in shock, not realizing that because he went with Sophie, he, like Reena, is now trapped in the Spencer-Driver Dumb Plot zone. At the back of his mind there’s a little voice trying to wake up his common sense, but the emergency number digits have already been erased from his mind and his fingers can’t seem to touch the phone in his pocket…
In the entire history of the universe, the words “Let me put it this way” have never, ever preceded something funny.
While I liked Garfield minus Garfield, I personally blame it for making Jim Davis feel sorry for Jon, in turn giving Jon a full-time girlfriend killing about 90% of Garfield’s humor.
I mean the comic would have gone downhill either way, but still…
@Buck Ripsnort: Got me thinking to this one comic, where Jon’s brother comes to visit, Jon suggests going on a double date.
Doc Boy: What’s that?
Jon: Its where you and I go on a date together.
Doc Boy: I dunno… wouldn’t it be more fun if we brought some girls along?
MW: *Denver* to NYC? Did I miss something? Wouldn’t she fly out of LAX?
And the roof of DIA’s terminal is shaped to depict the Rockies, it’s not a smooth curve like that. Mary’s not the only one who’s on someting LOL
Also, no palm trees in Colorado.
Garfield – Come now, don’t be so negative about your own comic strip. Look on the bright side: It doesn’t get any worse than this, either.
Don Abundio, translated:
“I put up a new birdhouse”
“Do you know what sort of birds it will attract?”
“Well, supposedly birds can judge a person’s character”
“They must have heard about my business dealings!”
@Astroboy: Via Denver, which presumably means Mary’s itinerary is LAX-DIA-LAG. Mary is presumably about to embark on the first leg of this trip, which means we can look forward to her using her layover time to seek out the lizard people and lecture them about their plans to unleash Blucifer and bring about Armageddon.
MW: if Mary dies in a fiery crash who will take her place in the Worthverse? Will it become the Westonverse?
Garfield: You can tell this strip is written by one of Davis’s underpaid interns these days.
MW: This is the first time we’ve seen Mary travel in ages, by my recollection. She’s normally content to sit in the middle of her meddleweb.
Dustin: “Let me put it this way… you see how brittle I am? Just like that.”
MW: At least twice before? Josh, Mary used to live in New York. All those years of pushing that apple cart through the streets has made her very familiar with that city.
@Baja Gaijin: Where’s “Mary spends the entire flight next to all four screaming Wilburbabies”?
@Peanut Gallery:
Well, there *IS* one way things could become worse (for Garfield) : if they stopped making frozen pudding pops.
SPECIAL FOR JOSH: A belated birthday gift.
Luann: Yeah, the people who couldn’t get into Hall H are going to be really happy with this alternative.
CS: “Also, something was slouching toward Bethlehem for some reason.”
9CL: Meanwhile, the mattress saleswoman is screaming at them, “Get the fuck out of my store!”
Dustin: I feel for the waitress. Look at her. That is the face of a woman who has had to wait on the Dustparents every Saturday morning, week in and week out, listening to their bacon-related demands and threatening to sic ICE on the kitchen staff when they don’t get it exactly right, leaving a measley buck behind when they bother to tip at all. She keeps herself in profile to keep them from guessing all the bodily fluids she has seasoned their breakfast combos with.
MW: God, I hope whoever gets stuck next to Mary on the flight has a good pair of noise-cancelling headphones on them.
@Baja Gaijin: It’s a tough choice between #1 and #3, but Wilbur fatigue breaks the tie in #1’s favor.
PMP: The Game Boy was discontinued in 2008.
@Baja Gaijin: Ah yes, the Wilbur life!
Gasoline Alley: Baleen is frightened at Slim calling himself an automotive engineer.
She spreads the news quickly in this small town. Not because she’s a gossip, but because Slim’s replaced the pads and rotors on her car.
GT: What’s going BUZZ in the first panel, a motorized citrus juicer?
I pick on the sound effects in GT but the SHK! SHK! SHK! is legit good.
C’shaft: “Wonder what became of that Eddie Van Halen guy, anyway.”
RMMD: Oh good, the angst of never really knowing his biological father lasted all of one panel before Truck stepped in with the found family moral. Anything more than that would be too much drama for this strip.
@Hibbleton: I think Bouton and Batiuk would have gotten along well. They were both pedestrian major leaguers aho thought they were God’s gift to the world.
Garfield-“Sad isn’t it?” I agree. Garfield’s ugly mug used to be plastered all the place now he can’t even tell good jokes.
Mary Worth: Has Mary ever been in a dangerous situation even once in this comic? Even in the most “dramatic” (term used loosely) stories, I’ve only ever seen her observing from a safe distance with absolutely no skin in the game. It certainly explains why she thinks getting on an airplane is adrenaline junkie behavior; she’s so sheltered that crossing the street after looking both ways probably gets her blood pumping.
Dustin: What waitress asks “crispy or extra crispy”? That’s like asking if you want a cold drink or a colder drink.
@ectojazzmage:
On Mary Worth : there WAS the time she was the victim of the Central Park Mad Shover!
@3 Bob Tice: This could be the event that officially changes the strip to “The Days and Nights of Wilbur Weston.”
@7 Needless Exposition: on Mary Worth: If only Mary Worth would end up like Emelia Earhart, shark food in the remote Pacific Ocean.
@19 Activist: on Gasoline Alley: How does Baleen fit in? With a few pounds of oleo rubbed on her thunder thighs.
@22 Hibbleton: Why is everyone saying Mary’s in the Denver airport? It has exactly zero palm trees outside nor does it have any Habitrails for Humans going to the rental garage.
@33 Needless Exposition: I love that scene!
@51 Astroboy: THANK YOU!!!
@58 ValdVin: Maaaaaaybe!
@Blackdrazon: Yes. It was called “Arbuckle,” and it involved people redrawing the panels to make Garfield look more realistic as well.
Mary Worth: “Airline travel — a privilege and also a risk!” is the TSA’s new slogan. Heck, Mary brought printed signs to the airport with her just to make sure. (If she’s led out in handcuffs, it will only prove her point.)
Blondie: Dagwood thinks they just started the neighborhood Facebook page? He should have seen what they were saying about him before he joined. (It mostly had to do with his gluttony, his constant napping, his physical attractiveness differential with his wife, his mad dash to the carpool every morning, the fact that everyone on the block has walked in on him in the bath at some point, and a whole subsection called “Why is that kid there again?”)
The original “Arbuckle”: http://tailsteak.com/archive.php?num=414
@70 ectojazzmage: Has Mary Worth ever been in a dangerous situation? Yes–she willingly went into Wilbur Weston’s garbage dump of an apartment during his fish funeral phase. Who knows how many filth-endemic diseases she’d been exposed to, in addition to being exposed Wilbur’s heavily stained and gaping-open boxer shorts.
MW: Oh, come on, there MUST be direct flights from Los Angeles to New York, the two largest cities in the country. I’ve not been to LA in years but I know I spent the full 5-6 hours in the air.
GT: Thorp’s bimbo busies herself squeezing buzzing potatoes. Say THAT three times fast.
DT: We saw this character running in silhouette last Sunday; I can’t say she has a particularly voluptuous and womanly figure. Did any of you guess she would be female? (Love the blonde’s hair standing on end in panel two!)
Crank: Oh god, Batuik’s just fucking with us now. By Tuesday there will no art at all, just three panels stuffed with Henry James-style prose.
It’s shocking to see Mary Worth get political, but she knows she’s taking her life in her hands getting on an airplane with the one exhausted air traffic controller left at the airport using Grok to help with the workload.
Dustbin Daddy: And I’d like my eggs over easy. How over easy? Easier than your MOM!
Completely agree on Garfield Minus Garfield. It always felt off to me and I didn’t think it worked because Jon is usually talking to Garfield, so removing him entirely to make Jon speaking to himself made no sense. But your revision of including Garfield without the thought bubbles is 100% funnier. Take notes, Garfield Minus Garfield guy
@Ukulele Ike: Hey, that’s “Henry (Painful Duty) James” to us wannabe Algonquin Round Table sorts.
CS: And every now and then, I go visit that loser who’s still living in that same dumpy apartment and rub his nose in it.
BG&SS: Elmer “Riding tomorrow’s dinner to today’s dinner” is certainly different.
Blondie: Seems a bit old-fashioned that a letter-carrier on foot is giving Dagwood the Nextdoor updates, but don’t worry: Tomorrow’s hot gossip will be delivered by Mr. Beasley via Pony Express.
Arlo & Janis: The three silent panels set this apart from any other “one of a married couple falls asleep on the couch” gag I’ve seen. There are few new jokes to tell, but how you set them up is important.
Beetle Bailey: I gotta applaud the chaplain, who doesn’t have a lot of lines, but he makes them count.
JP: I can’t get over the italicized speech bubbles. They just seem like whispers or narration and my brain doesn’t register them as regular talking.
The Lockhorns: Do you miss Mary Meddler and Dr. Jeff canoodling? I will when I tune in tomorrow for the aftermath of Lockhorns makeup sex!
9CL: Is this normal behavior for couples in public? I think I’ll just stick with The Lockhorns.
@taig: Mary is the Professor Moriarty of Meddle.
Hey, Baja! Here’s a girl you need to meet!
No, she’s not a clown.
JP: Who’s Sophie phoning, her oldie BF in Lawn Guyland?
“Can you send me an airplane ticket? I’m freaking out and demand I come home immediately.”
@Professor Well Actually: And she has no Sherlock Holmes to stop her. At best, Wilbur and his problems distract her from other meddling.
@Ukulele Ike: ….meanwhile, the scandahoovian is trying to figure out how to get them both into bed at the same time.
@Rover Berkeley: In the world of 9 Chickweed Lane, yes, this is typical behavior, especially in diners and on New York City street corners. In reality, not so much.
As several others have noted, “Garfield minus the thought bubbles” did actually come before “Garfield Minus Garfield”! It was called “De_Garfed,” and started roughly 2006 (though it seems it was inspired by others doing similar stuff elsewhere, though I can’t find examples of that.
https://de-garfed.livejournal.com
And if he meets someone genuine on the beaches of Bogota who against all odds actually falls for him, there could be a spinoff called “The Real Housewives of Colombia.”
RMMD: Six feet under. Now that I know Varla cheated on me with him I don’t feel so bad about shooting him for cheating me in that drug deal.