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Dennis the Menace and Blondie, 4/1/24

Is there any “holiday” more vile and unpleasant than April Fool’s Day, which is mostly marked by “pranks” perpetrated by the least funny people alive? These tricks generally take one of two very simple forms, as illustrated neatly in these two strips: making someone believe that something bad is happening when it really isn’t, or making someone believe something good is happening when it really isn’t. Does anyone enjoy either? I’m going to say no.

Dustin, 4/1/24

The “making someone believe something good is happening” one is a particularly dangerous game, as Dustin is discovering, especially if you put a lot of work into it! Look at how mad his father is in panel two. He’s about to put his son out on the street and have him carry those presumably empty boxes to his nonexistent new apartment.

Pluggers, 4/1/24

Today’s Pluggers is just a baffling and confusing series of decisions (is Smokey a plugger? “April Phurst”? The Philippines?) meant to keep you completely off-kilter with no real resolution, and in that sense is the only good April Fool’s Day strip. Kudos.

Mary Worth, 4/1/24

The worst prank of all, however, has been perpetrated by Mary Worth on all of us. We were all looking forward to Dawn’s hilariously disastrous reunion with her cold, withholding mother, but instead we’re going to get … Wilbur realizing his life is empty and meaningless? WE ARE ALREADY WELL AWARE OF THIS, UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES DO WE NEED IT REHASHED OVER THE NEXT SIX TO FIFTEEN WEEKS

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Dustin, 3/10/24

Hey kids, let Grandpa Josh tell you about the Do-Not-Call List! Starting in the mid ’00s in the United States, you could put your phone number on a list and it became simply illegal for telemarketers to call you! It wasn’t a perfect system — political fundraisers successfully sued to be exempted for First Amendment reasons, for instance — but it immediately eliminated a huge percentage of unwanted phone calls, and, combined with increasingly widespread caller ID features, made using the phone a much more pleasant experience. Unfortunately, this paradise only lasted a few years, and by the ’10s people figured out that they could bypass the list, using voice-over-internet technology to make phone calls ostensibly “from” U.S. numbers even though they could originate anywhere in the world. Since these calls are all illegal, there are no legit telemarketers anymore, so people’s phones are bombarded by scam after scam. Old people who remember a world where phone calls were a useful form of communication still answer and get bamboozled, while younger people who grew up with other ways to connect find the scams yet another reason to think of talking on the phone as a repellent act and are wont to simply never answer a phone call.

Anyway, my point is that Dustin is a product of the immediate aftermath of the 2008 financial crisis, and while usually you can tell because its central conceit is based on a world of high youth unemployment that simply no longer exists, there are other clues that all of its action takes place 15 years ago, such as an ostensible early twentysomething knowing what a “Do-Not-Call List” is.

Dick Tracy, 3/10/24

I will admit that I have not been following this Dick Tracy/Little Orphan Annie crossover very closely, so I don’t remember if Dick has already interacted with these two undercover kidnappers, but it would be very funny if he hasn’t. “As far as he’s concerned, we’re just the dumb housekeepers!” [Later, Dick sees them for the first time] “Warbucks, don’t worry about these two people waving guns at us. They’re just the dumb housekeepers! Which you can tell by, uh, just look at them. It’s fine. They’re probably using the guns for cleaning purposes.”

Hi and Lois, 3/10/24

I gotta say, if you asked me to come up with the meanest possible parody answer to the question of “What would a legacy newspaper cartoonist say was their favorite part of Daylight Savings Time,” it would 100% absolutely be “Hooray, an extra hour for more golf!”

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Dustin, 3/3/24

Much as I enjoy Dustin’s “Ooh, a text” betraying his desperate need for even the most tenuous human contact, I have to call foul on this strip. It truly saddens me that the creators are so eager to jump on “Young people are terrible” that they ignore the key foundation of their universe, namely that Dustin in particular is terrible in a number of specific ways. No woman will ever love Dustin! No busty redhead would ever attempt to flirt with him! C’mon, what are we even doing here.

Dick Tracy, 3/3/24

I’m part of the ever-shrinking group of people who likes to get out to a play now and then, so this strip really made me think: how would I feel if, before the show or maybe between acts, an old man came out and gave a little speech about the history of a classic comic strip? I have to admit that I’d be OK with it. The rest of the crowd? Well, that’s not for me to say.

Panel from Slylock Fox, 3/3/24

Oh, nice, Slick Smitty managed to find one of the few remaining living humans and forge a romantic connection with her! How sweet. And they even have some shared interests! Look, she’s helping him trick Max into digging his own grave!