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Metapost: Podcasted COTWs!

Hey folks! Your comment of the week in a moment, but first, a fun link: I was on the podcast of the great Nathan Rabin, an entertainment writer who you might remember as the guy who coined the term “Manic Pixie Dream Girl,” and we talked about two subjects near and dear to my heart: The Lockhorns, and the animated Garfield: His Nine Lives special. It was a super fun convo and you should check it out!

You know what’s also super fun? Your comment of the week!

“‘I’ll buy these NEW SNEAKERS and walk amidst the flora and fauna!‘ is a phrase that neatly makes it clear that Wilbur has never been outside before, or possibly even encountered a pair of sneakers? He’ll probably walk out of there holding a basketball.” –Jack Loves Comics

And your runners up! They too are enjoyable!

“I feel like this is the only place for me to talk about how uncomfortable that brush is making me. You can’t bring that type of brush into the shower with you! It will take forever to dry out enough to be usable and it will never dry out completely. Give it another couple of weeks and Wilbur will just be leaving a dusting of black mold on his scalp whenever he tries to fix his combover. This, more than anything else he has ever done, is clearly a cry for help.” –Tiffany StPeter, on Facebook

“‘Long before videos, folks spent an evening looking at exciting stereopticon slides in 3 dimensions!‘ Presumably, Walt is yelling this in the middle of a Starbucks where the customers are all on their phones.” –Joe Blevins

“‘Wonder eye’ certainly is today’s rage. Looking at it makes me absolutely furious.” –Hergen

“Rex is giving Justin that cup of water with the same heartfelt persuasiveness that the witch gave Snow White the apple.” –Pozzo

“Just a sip of water … which you will earn once you pin me. Get up, barfy, this is for your own good.” –pugfuggly

“Ah, the two words Mary loves hearing the most: ‘You’re right!’” –Bryan J. Simmons, on Facebook

“‘Young man, you’ll sit in that corner until you learn to curb th’ wordplay!’ ‘Now I know why they call it PUNishment.’ ‘AAARGH!’” –Peanut Gallery

“Wilbur cried because he had no shoes. Until he met a man with no feet. Then he accosted the man with no feet to explain that his misery was greater, because his girlfriend left him just because of one little, look, it doesn’t matter why, the important thing is” –Dan

“I guess I tend to view Wilbur as rather a mopey sad-sack, but honestly, someone who looks like Wilbur — or just generally is Wilbur — yet doesn’t feel Mother Nature has played him very foul indeed must have a pretty positive outlook.” –Violet

“Is… is that poison? Maybe Billy is in a bad mood because the toxins are kicking in.” –Willow Jordan

“N-No! Don’t want to fight! Only want to shove!” –Hogenmogen

“Just imagine if Mary Worth used the actual name of the sporting goods store. ‘Hey, Wilbur, good to see you here at Dick’s. Speaking of dicks, Zak sure has a nice one.’” –Andrew

“Not only is James Renner a real author, but ‘Ohioana Book Festival’ is a real event! This weekend! With Tom Batiuk in attendance, hawking the Lisa’s Legacy trilogy! Crankshaft has achieved Peak Tiresome. (James Renner won’t be there.)” –Uncle Lumpy

“Something this strip doesn’t get much credit for is its clever use of symbolism and hidden meaning. Today’s strip, for example, is actually an allegory for the history and consequences of the Industrial Revolution. Marvin’s friend represents the old artisan working class, as demonstrated by the block construction next to him. He is disturbed by the foul practices and pollution of Marvin, who stands in for new wave of production and power as suggested by the nearby locomotive. Marvin’s friend protests this unpleasant affront to his nostrils (which represent tradition, heritage, and comfortable nostalgia). In turn, Marvin speaks the prophetic truth of what the ‘nostrils’ of civilization must inevitably face in the course of progress, and then defecates in his own pants, representing the perils of arrogantly advancing without foresight.” –jroggs

“‘The general is mad as a hatter,’ said the men of Camp Swampy. They shook their heads ruefully as they sipped tea and brushed crumbs off tattered grey uniforms two generations out of date. ‘Thank goodness we’re still sane.’” –Escape Zeppelin

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Mary Worth, 2/1/13

OK, you knew and I knew that John Dill was going to get weird about Mary at some point in this storyline. The only questions were when and how. We now know the answer to when — it’s right now, right here, in front of a national TV audience (or maybe just the seven people currently watching Santa Royale’s public access cable station, I forget), but we’re still not sure of the how and frankly I’m on tenterhooks. Is the incredibly lifelike figurine of Mary he just carved out of marzipan with a butter knife meant to be an idol of pagan worship, and John will demand, wild-eyed, that the studio audience acknowledge Mary’s divine and terrible beauty? Or will he calmly wait until Mary notices the figure, and then, without breaking eye contact with her, pick it up and bite the head off before tossing it to the ground? Either way, next week is going to be amazing.

Spider-Man, 2/1/13

“Finally, I managed to work that Google bit into my quippery! I really feel like my repartee is going to be more up to date now.”

Garfield, 2/1/13

Garfield will do anything to feed his voracious appetites, Jon. Anything.

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Crock, 12/9/12

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I think Crock is being portrayed as too cartoonishly evil here. I mean, obviously it’s well established that he’s a villainous, petty dictator, but surely he’s enough of a realist to know that the local religious authorities aren’t going to be actively preaching sin and filth like they’re the Church of Satan or something. Shouldn’t he be pleased that the local priest is going old school and promising to use his money to punish and degrade the church’s enemies, instead of going in for some kind of touchy-feely love-thy-neighbor crap like feeding the poor or something?

B.C., 12/9/12

Plans for a lucrative B.C. Babies franchise where abruptly scuttled when the terrifying character designs were revealed. “So, if we make their arms and legs even stubbier, and glom them onto impossibly squat torsos, and remove their necks, that’s cute, right? Kids will want those dolls?”

Garfield, 12/9/12

You know, Garfield gets a bad rap among comics snobs, but anything that teaches kids that Santa is really a terrifying demon-thing waiting to grab you from behind and drag you down into a terrifying hell-dimension is all right in my book.

Luann, 12/9/12

Left to their own devices, Brad and TJ have turned their backs on God and started worshipping Mammon full-time.