Some cyber-gripes
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Crock, 9/1/25
Even if you hate Crock with a passion, you don’t read it every day for 20+ years without learning a little something about its character dynamics, though if you’re me and you’re notoriously terrible with names, you do manage to not learn some of the names of those characters. I wanna say this woman’s name is … Fatima? We’re going to go with that, although she doesn’t make the Wikipedia list of characters, and while I normally am quite dubious about the utility of Google’s AI answers, based on its “In the comic strip Crock, there is no ‘pretty girl’ character” response to me, I have to admit it may be getting better at parsing visual input. Anyway, the point of (let’s call her) Fatima here is that she’s supposed to be pretty, and also that she’s a foil for Grossie, who is supposed to not be pretty, and who she hangs out with a lot and routinely insults. You can tell that she’s not supposed to be pretty because they named her “Grossie,” and I think it’s telling that Fatima (?) abbreviates Maggot’s equally vile name to the cuter “Mag,” whereas Grossie gets no similarly softened nickname.
Anyway, speaking of character dynamics, I get that Fatima (??) has to be talking to some third party for this joke to work, but it’s kind of weird that she’s having drinks with Captain Poulet, right? It’s like running into your English teacher and your shop teacher hanging out together outside of work. Sure, it sort of makes sense that they know each other, but you’ve never seen them interact and it feels wrong, somehow.
Blondie, 9/1/25
As AI becomes integrated into every feature of human life and we begin to worry about who’s really calling the shots, a new question arises: Which of our fellow biological humans will go quisling when the clankers take over? Well, the team behind Blondie seems to be making tentative moves in that direction, and sad as it is, it makes a sort of sense: if anyone serves as a model for “humans don’t really desire autonomy and would be satisfied to simply have their needs met by industrially produced foods and material goods,” it’s the characters in this strip. Once a robot figures out how to make a giant sandwich, it’s curtains for the human race!
Slylock Fox, 9/1/25
Um, actually, we know that those are Reeky’s pants he left behind because a janky thrift store with magic eight balls and VHS tapes displayed on the floor would never sell torn-up jeans; those are fashionable garments that can only be found in high-end boutiques.
62 replies to “Some cyber-gripes”
Mary Worth Mashups: What if Mary’s thought bubble was a little different? Which would be more likely?
Crock:
A former partner once sagely observed that all newborn babies look like Edward G. Robinson.
Slylock Fox:
Slylock questioned Reeky while he was in custody and exacted a confession, but the confession will have to be thrown out because Slylock did not sing the “Chiquita Banana” song to Reeky during the interrogation, thus violating the Peaceable Kingdom Constitution by not giving Reeky his Carmen Miranda warnings.
The rule is “no white shoes AFTER Labor Day,” so Blondie’s footwear choice is fine. For today, anyway.
Blondie Mashup: What else could Siri suggest?
Blondie:
“Surely you can’t be Siri-ous.”
“I am serious. And don’t call me ‘Shirley.’ “
Blondie-“And would it kill you to not wear a bra now and then.”
Slylock Fox-Hank had to remove the security cameras from the changing rooms after an incident.
Slylock Fox-Stealing from a thrift store has to be Reeky Rat’s rock bottom.
RMMD-Wow! So thrilling! So exciting!
FC-“Didn’t we ask this question yesterday?”
MW: But enough about how heroic I am. Let’s talk about how athletic I am. And then we can talk about how pretty I am, and then how wise I am, and then…
Blondie: Some perv has hacked into the Bumstead’s home security system and is watching Blondie getting dressed. No worries, at least he has good taste in shoes.
Slylock Fox:
Slylock and his sidekick Max Mouse persuade Reeky to confess to his misdeeds and to renounce his life of crime in favor of joining the two of them to fight evil, thus forming a menagerie-a-trois.
The Familliar Mucus: “Its tough for Daddy to decide which to play with us – football or baseball”. Bil’s thoughts: ” Jeffy’s head is almost a perfect football shape…while P.J’s is still round enough to be a baseball again this year……what to do,what to do? If only our kids had normal shaped heads,Thel and I could go bowling.”
Crock: “I hope it looks like…” /mentally cycles through all the weird humanoid shapes that exist in the Crock-verse/ “…I take it back, we shouldn’t be procreating…”
Blondie: “…or maybe that it can see me when it doesn’t have a camera? This is getting into some SkyNet stuff…”
SFx: Dang, I had guess “enhanced interrogation techniques” again. One of these days its going to be right!
Blondie. That looks like an Amazon product, not an Apple one. I guess the original sponsorship deal fell through and no one wanted to miss tee time by redrawing the art.
@Baja Gaijin: The third one, definitely. On the plus side, I think this arc has answered the long-running question, “Why doesn’t Wilbur’s publisher notice when he lets Mary take over his advice column?” Answer: They are both terrible at it.
RMMD: The brave ambulance driver pulls into the empty parking lot and realizes the hospital is closed for labor day. He takes it upon himself to drive directly to Rex’ house.
SFox: My guess was a DNA test of the skid-marks.
What A Frazzhole!: This is a fart joke is it not?
SFx: Ooh, ooh-I know the answer! He left his old ripped jeans in the dressing room with the “Reeky Rat” name tag his mother sewed in them, right?
Slylock Fox: Look, I know there are only so many ways to dress logic puzzles up as child-friendly detective mysteries, but “How did Slylock find the thief? He looked at the security camera footage” is really scraping the bottom of the barrel.
Today’s Slylock Fox forces me to ponder whether the Manimals need to make a hole for the tail in the pants they buy — like you do with the hem — or if after the Animalapocalypse, the garment industry added other options for its ware: mom jeans/skinny jeans, with hole/holeless. Female Manimals still get measurments that make no sense
“Remember Alf? He’s back! In the form of a haunted portrait in a thrift store!”
Slylock Fox:
Thesis: the number of animals displayed in a given SF tableau featuring Slylock (A(s)) is approaching infinity as a limit. Discuss.
As long as he’s there, Shylock can solve the case of the murdered jack-in-the-box.
Pluggers: Early fall can be an ideal time for exterior house painting and other outdoor chores, with cooler temps and less humidity. Get out of that hammock and get to work.
What percentage of the ware sold in this thrift store is made up of stuff looted from the apartments of humans killed in the first, violent wave of the Animalapocalypse? At least 70%, right?
MW: Dr. McCoy knelt down and waved his scanner over the plot. “It’s dead, Jim,” he announced.
“I expected as much,” the Captain replied. “The endless, self-aggrandizing blather interspersed with interior commentary—no action, no trajectory, nothing to hold our interest.”
“I’m a doctor, Jim, not a literary critic.” McCoy shook his head in disgust. “But there was no REASON for this to happen. If only we’d gotten here sooner, I might have saved it! What a waste. If only the characters had been even the least bit likable.”
“No, Bones,” Kirk countered. “It wasn’t that the characters weren’t likable. It’s true: they weren’t. But the fact is, they had nothing to live for, no challenge to overcome, nothing to accomplish, no future to plan. A plot needs CONFLICT, Bones. Instead, they’ve been feeding off of each other, reflecting on their relationship, focusing too much on the past, lost in a museum of their own making. They’re as out of touch with present reality as those Egyptian mummies. And now, the plot is just as dead.”
Kirk pulled out his communicator, and added, “There’s nothing more we can do here, and we’re needed on Planet Milford. Maybe this time, we can get there in time to avert disaster.” He flipped open his communicator. “Two to beam up, Scotty. Kirk out.”
Colonial oppression is not a binary, but intersects with other forms of exploitation. Even if the Legion is the instrument of exploitation by White Frenchmen, there is a clear distinction between a low-life rank and file like Maggot and commissioned officer Poulet. This intersects with other forms of hierarchy, like beauty privilege. Fatima is prettier, so she can snatch an officer, while ugly Grossie gets the least member of the the Legion. On the other hand, Grossie gets to marry him and so benefits from being adjacent to whiteness, while Fatima will be used and discarded once Poulet goes back to his fiancée in the Metropole. Let’s not even talk about Grossie’s and Maggot’s child, whose hybridity throws a wrench in colonial race relations — explaining why he will be an outcast whose only friend is a vulture! See, critical theory is fun! Well, at least funnier than “Crock”!
SLYFX: Could it be the filthy pair of malodorous, dropping-filled rat pants stinking up the changing room?
DtM: Tell that to the teacher who drew the short straw this year, kid.
MW: It may be the last straw for Jeff when he gets a load of Mary crushing on Olive. He’s NEVER gotten this much sugar.
@Ettorre: It looks more like the animals are mining human garbage dumps, which is the only place you’ll find VHS tapes and Alf portraits nowadays. Maybe SF is set in an alternate timeline, where the Animalapocalypse happened 35 years ago?
@Ettorre:
What percentage of the ware sold in this thrift store is made up of stuff looted from apartments?
Fixed it for you. And it’s 125 %. Hank is just pissed because Reeky is supposed to accept a cut every month, he’s not allowed to take stuff that goes on sale, simply because HE’s the one who stole it.
“Fatima”‘s name is Roxie: https://comicskingdom.com/crock/2021-04-14
GT Forget being jealous about the podcast exposure, Ms. “assistant coach does assistant coach stuff well and wishes that were as newsworthy as Mimi’s step up as she’s poached by Valley Tech”, think about whether Milford can leverage Mimi’s note that VT’s infrastructure drew her there to get that building rehabbed before you get a concussion from the falling plaster.
MW. Moy in a race with McEldowney to see who can get placed on a watchlist first.
GT: Those sponges they’re eating look like something out of Baja’s “Late Thread Cuisine” playbook.
@Charterstoned: This could equally apply to Crankshaft, Rex Morgan, Judge Parker, Luann, Dustin, Curtis, and probably other things.
Slylock Fox: After the altercation is solved, Hank goes back to business. Nothing remarkable until a human enters the store. “An ugly stinking human…” he thought. “Didn’t they all get slaughtered in the war?”
The human woman looks around for a second, pauses, says to the rabbit at the counter. “Do you sell shoes?”
Let’s continue some sentences:
RMMD: ‘… and crashes right through the wall of the hospital! Look out!!’
MW: ‘… and soon my vengeance on this fallen world will begin with you as my vessel!!!’
Speaking of continuing, I gotta admit I was not anticipating to get one of Ces’ patented ‘aaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnndddddddd so….’ time skips. No wonder Hilary over in Endure the Chadwells is depressed. Ces wasted his whole summer in Norway and only got to spend one day there!
CS: Was last week’s adventure where Crankshaft hid under his bed and was never on panel just *too* much Crankshaft for you? Well, here’s 1-2 weeks of Batiuk trying to match Moy in glurgy sycophancy!
Slylock: Slylock just so happens to be at the scene of the crime as its happening…
-Either Slylock is in cohoots with Hank in a scam to convict Reeky just for the heck of it
or
-Slylock is actually one of many clones put on every street corner to solve whatever disputes may happen nearby.
Blondie instantly falls for a lovebomb-neg combo, which explains a lot about how she came to marry and stay married to Dagwood.
GT: Puzzle pieces fall from the ceiling; Martinez sees a long dead apparition; characters appear as shadows of their former selves. Henry Barajas’ comic strip adaptation of Stanis?aw Lem’s Solaris is as confusing as the 1972 film.
MW: “Jesus, does this kid ever shower or use deodorant? She REEKS!”
@The Rambling Otter:
Slylock is like Blue Man Group or The San Diego Chicken. There’s a bunch of ’em.
Look, we all know that that camera looking at the door is one of those empty shells with no actual recording device inside; no way that Hank has the budget for a real security system and besides, most of his clientele are as dumb as an ox. In fact, some of them are actually oxen. The real answer is that, as usual, Slylock beat the crap out of Reeky until he confessed.
Crock: Legionaries are not really supposed to fraternize with locals, given that in many cases they are expected to change their identities and break off contact with existing spouses upon joining.
This being a “French” outfit, I assume there is a local bordello that has been set up for the men’s needs. Are “Fatima” and Grossie supposed to be working women?
MW: “I’m so amazing and unique and special and everyone loves me now!” Please, Thor, bring the lightning if this masturbatory self praise goes on all week.
SFx: Henry is fully depending on the police force’s lack of reform programs to profile Reeky Rat.
Yesterday I was talking to some friends who knew nothing about baseball. Didn’t know what the season was, had never heard of the American or National Leagues, knew absolutely nothing.
I would have suspected that they were secretly writing Gil Thorp, except they were expressing an interest in learning something.
Oddly, DustinDad doesn’t find it amusing when somebody talks to him the way he talks to people in the service industry.
Blondie: I agree that looks like an Alexa home device, not Siri. So instead of just generically advising Blondie to go out and buy shoes, what it really would say is, “I can tell from here that those shoes look awful with that outfit! What you really need are new Jimmy Choo slingback pumps, on sale today only for $599 from Amazon.com. Just say ‘buy now’ for overnight delivery! Better yet, have them sent to your Amazon Locker at Whole Foods, so Dagwood won’t find out till it’s too late!”
SlyF – The real mystery is why Reeky Rat, who usually rocks a grunge aesthetic, would want chartreuse polyester leisure suit pants. Is he planning to do another crime in which he impersonates Slick Smitty?
@13 Where’s Rocky?: Apple makes a Homepod that looks like an Alexa, sorta.
@34 Charterstoned: That’s FOOD? I thought they were holding misshapen ocarinas?
@Bob Tice: Sometimes, before you make a pun, you should check it for context and subtext and pretext and post-text, and ask yourself “can I really afford to buy brain bleach for all the Comics Curmudgeon commenters this week?”
Rex Morgan MD: The Ambulance rushes Jonah to the local Hospital for an emergency WHEEEOOOWHEEEEOOOOWHEEEEOOOO!!!
Blondie-“Now straddle me.”
FC: As a kid, I took a book out of our school library on how to start a flea circus, part of which was acquiring fleas from stray dogs. My mom put a stop to my early foray into show business saying “Circus sounds more like infestation.”
Not sure what made me think of that this morning.
I wonder what the animal people of this brave new world think of ALF. Is he just a bit of ancient trivia? Do the animals see themselves in him? Do they view him as an ugly, clownish caricature, a reminder of the disdain in which the animals were once held, and why the human race had to be overthrown? Do they instead see a cunning trickster presaging the revolution by upending the staid middle-class life of the humans he meets? Do the cat-people view him differently than others for his felinophagous ways? Is he a covert symbol of anti-feline prejudice? Is Hank the bunnyman a cat-racist? Or perhaps it’s a statement condemning the forest kingdom’s rule by the Pussycat dynast. Do cats enjoy a uniquely privileged position in this animal society? Is it because their proximity to humans allowed them to quickly seize seats of power after the uprising? How long can this comment be before it turns from mildly amusing to an annoying slog?
Crock – Like Josh, Poulet struggles to remember which characters are which in this strip or what they look like. Honestly, he’s just staying long enough to get his pension, then heading back to his hometown to retire.
Blondie – Asimov’s Revised Laws of Robotics
1. A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
2. A robot must obey the orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
3. A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.
4. Women be Shopping.
Slylock Fox – Today’s entry gives a hint at the amount of time it’s been since the Animalcalypse. The animals learned shame like Adam and Eve eating the forbidden fruit and covered their nakedness. They would have adapted human clothes to start, but now they are in a position industrially where they must have new clothing being made, and common old human clothes are available at cheap thrift stores, not high-end vintage shops or even regular department stores. Sadly, as Reeky and the other criminals show, the animals have reproduced the social relations of capitalism that leads to a permanent underclass and criminal behavior.
@Crab-Man Hybrid:
Shakespeare: “Brevity is the soul of wit”
Crab-Man Hybrid: “How long can this comment be before it turns from mildly amusing to an annoying slog?” is the should of curmudgeoning
Blondie – No, Siri! Street harassment was one of the last remaining areas where humans could still outperform robots!
Don Abundio, translated:
“Can I give my young friend a few lessons?”
“The course isn’t crowded today, so… go ahead”
“Another traditional golfer who’s in for a rude awakening”
“He’s about to find out how challenging real golf can be!”
[Sign: MINIATURE GOLF]
Blondie: It’s less a question of if the global tech autocracy will happen as who will wind up on top. Blondie has tentatively cast its lot with Tim Cook; however, the Alexa-esque art of the personal device will make it easy for them to comply with the Ministry of Truth’s revisions should Jeff Bezos be triumphant.
SFx: Poor Charlie Brown. Once, he was a global icon, the Everyman incarnate, beloved staple of holiday television traditions and cute birthday cards everywhere. Now in the wake of the Animalpocalypse he’s forgotten, his iconic shirt hanging forlorn on thrift store rack among the detritus of the civilization that bore him. Good grief.
9cl: ooh, mysterious.
CS: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh. Make it stop!
Slylick Fox: The evidence is that Reeky’s original pair of distressed jeans are the only clothing in the store which don’t carry the stench of shopworn despair and mothballs.
Beetle Bailey: Is Sarge boiling water in a teapot? Can’t the Army also afford a kettle?
Zits: Jeremy has a girlfriend. But Dustin might be interested in Zumba. Hey, International Cougar Day was just Saturday.
BG&SS: Lyme disease is something which if you get a tiny case of you’ve got lifetime immunity from, right?
H&L: Hi thought Thirsty was using too much lighter fluid until he got closer and caught a whiff of Thirsty’s 180-proof breath.