Tales out of school
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Luann, 9/11/25
Many years ago, when I was a TA in grad school, I had a very precocious undergraduate student who used to come to office hours to hang out and shoot the shit with me. The final exam was three essay questions, and I graded them blind without looking at the name on the front until I was done, and I was disappointed to see that he had completely biffed one of the questions, and it was enough to drag down the A+ he had going into the final to an A-. But if I was disappointed, he was enraged, and after grades came out, he tracked down my home phone number and yelled at me about this, telling me at one point that his father said sometimes teachers give a bad grade to students they felt intellectually intimidated by, and because I had at that point already quit grad school, I got to just laugh at him and hang up. Anyway, I don’t really have the energy to go into the dynamic here between Bernice and [squints] “Alan,” but mostly what I’m trying to say is that if any student of mine included an unsolicited 12-minute animated graphic as part of their assignment, they would not be getting five bonus points, and it wouldn’t be because of my intellectual envy, I tell you what.
Dustin, 9/11/25
Wait, is Dustin’s dad saying he’s good at sex, or not good at sex? Or is he saying that having kids despite not having had sex very often or for very long is evidence that he’s good at sex, because I do not think that claim holds up to scrutiny. In conclusion, I hate this strip a lot, because it’s difficult to parse and in the process of attempting to do so I have to think about Dustin’s parents having sex, which — and I’m sure you, being in the same boat as I am now, agree with me on this point — is a profoundly unpleasant experience, for me, and, I assume, for them.
Family Circus, 9/11/25
God, I love Jeffy’s facial expression here. His brain isn’t hungry at all! He doesn’t know anything, but the important thing is that he doesn’t want to know anything, and he doesn’t care that he doesn’t want to know anything. He is nothing but true to himself.
72 replies to “Tales out of school”
FC:
“And besides, Mom, I don’t have a brain. You of all people should know that!”
FC: STELLAN!!!!
Luann:
Thesis: all comic strip supercilious female youngsters are drawn to look like Dennis the Menace’s “Margaret.” Discuss.
MW: Oh, gad. Now Olive will remember when SHE was a dog who had to dress like her owner.
Dustin: To get 10,000 hours of practice, Megan would have to drive 24 hours a day for more than a year. Or one hour a year for 10,000 years, if we really need to discuss her father’s birthdays-only sex life with his wife.
RMMD-And Jonah is being treated by a doctor other than Rex Morgan.
MW-“Oh, Mary. Seriously? How old is this one?”
FC-“Just give me the check.”
What the fuck is a “12 minute animated graphic,” anyway? In a psych course, no less? Doesn’t this sound, like, a super 1998 kind of thing? Does the baby dance to B.F. Skinner quotations this time? AM I back in 1998? Can…can I be?
@Josh on Dustin: Two messages from DustDad’s final panel confession: First, he’s so bad at sexual congress DustMom gave him only one chance in bed, unexpectedly making her preggers. Second, he regrets having the daughter he’s talking to, and by inference, Dustin too.
MW: I was going to criticize Olive for greeting the dogs and ignoring the people, but I have no room to talk.
Dustin-Meg, have you reached 10,000 hours on your back yet?
@7 A Grave Mind: The twelve minute video in the psych class is Ed Kudlick’s entire sex life.
Jeffy has a brain?!?
Yeah, today’s Dustin forced me to ponder how Ed practiced for sex, and I’m going to blame it for ALL the day drinking I’m about to do, now.
GT: You mean Forrest Whittaker.
@Baja Gaijin:
Dammit, Baja! Not helping! Or perhaps I should just say “Gah!”
Crankshaft : …I’m pretty sure a therapist would not go into a bedroom alone with her patient like this.
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Dustin : I could swear we’ve had “DustinSister is a nightmare behind the wheel, DustinDad HATES teaching her to drive” strips before. But apparently, having to do ANYTHING for another member of his family is too much for him, so DustinDad actively pushes towards a situation where his daughter will bring the car home with a dent (possibly looking forward to berate her for that, too).
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Family Circus : does Jeffy even know what a brain is?
(“Brain, Brain, What is Brain!?”)************
Luann : this strip has a sub-saturday morning cartoon
about elementary schoolersunderstanding of how to write over-acheivers/intelligent people.FC: If only Jeffy had a “tummy brain,” he’d have no argument.
MW: “This is Olive.”
” Wait, I’m getting something…Greta has worms, and if Max has to wear one more matching bandana, he’s going to chew your hand off.”
DUSTIN: I think he means he’s bad at contraception.
Dustin: The more you do something, the more repetitive it gets.
The more repetitive it gets, the faster you seem to be at doing it.
Let’s just say, in Disgaea 5 spending hours fighting zombies solely to raise my character’s job class ranking, for every job class, for every character I have. Gets faster and easier so quickly it’s weird.
@Baja Gaijin: There’s no need for a sex joke here! Everyone’s disappointed he had Dustin!
FC: While other artists cash in on the zombie apocalypse craze of the eighties, Bil realizes no one will believe Jeffy desires brains.
Torn between pleasure that Thel gets one of her rare lines, which I remind you should be heard in an Australian accent, and annoyance over the speech balloon/caption combo which never works in this format.
GT:
1976: Look at Rudy in “Bad News Bears”, that Poindexter with all those numbers and charts. Nerd!
2011: Look at Brad Pitt and Jonah Hill in “Moneyball”, those cool guys with all the numbers and charts. Sweet!
Today: Look at the AI on my tablet, that smart app with all the numbers and charts… wait, “Attack the Lexington, Excalibur, Hood, and Potemkin”?!? And my name’s not Dave!
FC: Points for Thel’s earrings matching her shirt, that’s kind of a nice touch.
Then I realize, her shirt is a…. sports Jersey? Is that something that people casually wear to dinner?
Curtis: There’s going to be something about “and you can’t bring lunch from home”, including that food that Curtis ate yesterday.
And there is something in the family budget that can be allocated to pay….
Oh, you can keep staring back, Greg. I can do this all day…
Dustin: I doubt that Ed has ever done 10,000 hours of anything in his life. Like most “kids these days” asshole boomer parents, he never notices that his apples didn’t fall far from the tree.
The Family Circus: Talk about needing brain food, Mama Keane is apparently a Jets fan?
@matt w: There were two Family Circus animated specials way back in the day.
One for Christmas and Easter.
I am very curious if Thel had the accent in those.
I would watch but I’m all out of knives to stab my eyes out with and matches to light after I douse myself with gasoline.
@The Rambling Otter: No, wait… I’m starting to remember the ending to one.
Christmas arrives, the kids are playing with their toys.
Bil: Merry Christmas Thel
Thel: (Memory not found)
Billy: (Says something right before the credits roll)
I mean, obviously Thel says “Merry Christmas Bil” but I don’t remember her voice… I guess it wasn’t important to me whenever I had caught the tail-end of that.
(I mean it’s Family Circus, why would it be important?)
Luann: Psst, Bernice. Want to know how you can earn 105 points from your audience? Quick jerk of the neck, he’ll never feel a thing, he’s halfway there in panel three.
@Anonymous: I’m also pretty sure you can’t force family members into therapy, short of “involuntary commitment” or “power of attorney” situations. And, the first thing a therapist would say is that this man is over 100 years old, is clearly in some kind of distress, and has every right to retire from his job if he doesn’t want to do it anymore. This is BAD.
Dustin: “Although I have watched 10,000 hours of ‘instructional videos’…probably explains your brother, come to think of it.”
Dustin: How do you “practice” having sex? Is it a joke about masturbation?
Curtis Or… you could make Curtis responsible for making himself a sandwich to take to school, just like, y’know, the one he pulled together between two panels yesterday. Lunch program cuts ARE a big problem for some families, but you clearly have both the food necessary to make lunches and a kid old enough to do it if you have other things to take care of.
@Banana Jr. 6000: @Anonymous: Eh, just give him a double dose of Seroquel and Lorazepam, slide his limp body out later, he’ll be right as rain.
MW: “…you figure out whomst is whom and whomst to give attention to.”
Olive at least chose that correctly, her tummy brain not leading her astray
Blondie: Yes, Blondie, without customers you’d have to close up shop. That’s how shops work.
Dustin: I think the point here is that the Kudlicks are Catholic and, theologically, its having children that makes you good at sex, not the quantity or quality (in terms of mutual satisfaction) of sex you have that makes you “good” at it. Anyway, Megan wanting more practice driving isn’t really an appropriate time to delve into the nuances of Humanae Vitae as they relate to Malcolm Gladwell’s bastardized 10,000-hour rule, so Ed’s still being a dick here.
Credit Where It’s Due – Flash Gordon *does* put in some limiting principle to the all-out melee, which is apparently just the first phase of the tournament. If the rest is matchups that they can draw out, I guess they could keep it going for days.
And I do like Dick Tracy’s 9/11 tribute – an iconic firefighter image, with the nice touch of having his eyes looking up the stairs and not at the camera. Also, a quick check shows the firefighter from the picture did survive.
Dustin – Helen Kudlick once had perky breasts that stood up and out. The day she came across Ed using her Oil of Olay as a lube is the day her breasts deflated and became low hangers.
The PO
I’m actually grateful that Dustin’s dad brought up that awful subject because the camera rotates 180° between panels 1 & 2, yet Megan’s posture is completely unchanged. Her body has inverted itself to present the same outward appearance to all directions, even having (apparently) moved from behind the chair to in front of it. She’s either a metamorph or a walking optical illusion, and the effect is so unsettling that anything that forces my mind to consider something even more repellent is a blessing.
Dustin I actually don’t think this is a sex joke at all. I think that Dustin’s dad is saying that he probably hasn’t spent 10 000 hours with his kids over their entire lives, and they’ve never been taken by the state, so, you know, can’t argue with results?
MW: We’ve already seen Olive pull this “pretending to know what dogs are thinking” scam before, so I wouldn’t be surprised if she pulls it again.
“What’s that, Pierre? You think I’m the most special, amazing and gifted girl you’ve ever met? Right you are! Good boy! And, Greta is thinking how sad she feels for me being treated differently because I’m so special, amazing and gifted. Smart doggie!”
Reminds me of a classmate of mine who was good friends with the TA of an Applied Physics course in college. He was also somewhat of an artist so he drew a very comical picture of the TA with a knife in his back on the back of the final exam with a note something like “I’m looking forward to a good grade.” Well, imagine his surprise when he got notified he was being investigated for threatening the support staff.
Jeffy could come back at his mom with a passionate speech about modern fishing and the dangers of mercury poisoning but… *looks at his face* no, this is the right level of argument for this eventual stoner.
***
I have no doubt Ed (and it annoys the hell out of me that I didn’t have to look that up) has a good 10,000 hours of practice, polishing his junk like a Japanese aluminum foil ball. However, the bad news for him is that are billions of people walking around today who are the end result of some disappointing sex. He knows that though but that’s not going to stop him from giving his daughter nightmares.
Pluggers have friends. Who else can say that!
@Little Guy: Nice call back to ST TOS and 2001
FC: Ma Keane is clearing the table and everyone else has left, but Jeffy is still not going to eat that fish. He’s flat-out reveling in this contest of wills. “Yeah, bring it old lady! Do your worst! My brain can take it.” Yeah, Jeffy, stick it to the mom!
Dustin: Now, if it was 10,000 hours of loathing and contempt for his so-called loved ones, Ed would be right there.
H&L: “Pick up your toys …and see if you can find Trixie while you’re at.”
“Look, kid, I imported this swordfish fresh from Minamata, Japan, and I know it will have an impact on your brain, so eat up!”
Pluggers: Nothing suspicious at all about two men dragging a chest of drawers from one end of the neighborhood to the other.
Luann – “[B]ut mostly what I’m trying to say is that if any student of mine included an unsolicited 12-minute animated graphic as part of their assignment, they would not be getting five bonus points, and it wouldn’t be because of my intellectual envy, I tell you what.”
*Deletes 4-part, 8-hour documentary about the 40 year history of Luann made to get another COTW*
Dustin – Ed Kudlick has always been the stand-in for creators Steve Kelley and Jeff Parker, and this is their confession that despite decades of experience in cartooning, their kids (Dustin comic strip and their editorial cartoons), aren’t’ anything good.
Family Circus – Jeffy knows that AI is coming to take many jobs and could put a good chunk of the population permanently out of work, but that it will also produce an endless stream of enjoyable slop content. While many of us dream of a Star Trek future of post-scarcity allowing intellectual pursuits and personal development, Jeffy knows the resource-hogging AI will turn him and much of the population into mere vessels of consumption in a developing post-capitalist order, and he welcomes that life of ignorance and ease.
@Liam: She is a teenager; even if she falls asleep on her side, she has certainly spent at least 10,000 hours on her back. (8 hours of sleep times 365 days a year equals 2,920 hours)
Luann: For once I anticipate looking ahead to see who will be more disappointed in her Tea and Sympathy moment, Bernice or Alan.
@Dr. M: Same way you practice any other physical activity–by doing it.
@CanuckDownSouth:
This is only because, as oft-stated, Flash Gordon is freakin AWESOME.
An excellent tribute. And a welcome break from the current storyline, which has been wall-to-wall….something, I guess?
Slylock Jumble: Even harder when you leave out a letter.
SFx: The Far Side did it better.
@The Rambling Otter: Lucky for you, on July 29 I fulfilled my New Year’s Resolution not to instantly expose myself to literally every infohazard I hear about, so I can do this one!
…no Australian accent in the Christmas special. Points for opening with some strip-accurate characterization, where Dolly convinces Jeffy to sneak in to look at the premises, and then when Mommy shows up skedaddles leaving him holding the bag (or wrapped box). Follow up with a sinister ghostly outline of a finger-wagging Santa. At this point I dip.
Dustin – 10,000 hours? That would mean listening to “Cbat” by Hudson Mohawke 209,303 times…which I would rather do than think about Dustin’s parents having sex.
Dustin: Not since Ben Shapiro posted on “WAP” has a mediocre man so openly admitted to being a complete failure in the bedroom. (You can decide whether this applies to Dustdad himself, or his creators.)
Divaling One got his permit this summer, and any empathy I might have had for the anxiety at seeing his child behind the wheel is obliterated by the knowledge that getting a driver’s license (especially for a minor) Does Not Work Like That. I don’t know what state the Kudlicks live in, but around here teens have to have a permit for at least a year and have 50 hours of supervised driving experience (10 of them at night) before they can get their license. This strip assumes teens can just be turned loose on the road whenever their parents decide they’re ready, proving Parker and Kelly know as much about the subject as they do lawyers, healthy cooking, the hard realities facing young adults today, and empathy.
Luann: If the goal here is to make Bernice more sympathetic by introducing someone who is even more smug and pretentious than she is, it’s failing. If anything, it’s making her look even worse.
Luann: I am posting before reading all the comments and I am sure other teachers are coming forward to tell you about how fanatical schools are about not making student grades public. When I was in college long ago, some teachers still posted the grades, with names, on the bulletin board. Now we can’t even leave papers in a pile for students to pick up lest someone see their grades. (I put it on the back of the paper and leave them for the students to find their own).
@TheDiva:
Luann: If the goal here is to make Bernice more sympathetic by introducing someone who is even more smug and pretentious than she is, it’s failing. If anything, it’s making her look even worse.
Is it because, rather than Alan coming off as a Doogie Howser-esque child prodigy taking doctorate classes at an improbably young age, it looks more like Bernice is in the same grade as a 12-year old?
Or because SHE’S the one who initiated this whole competition by saying “HA! I got a perfect grade! Beat THAT!” and insulting him when he responds with “I did, by doing extra work.”?
Or is it just because it’s Bernice Halper, and the years following her have caused us to root against her when her “smartness” is brought into question?C’shaft: Therapist: “After speaking with your father for an hour, I’ve concluded that letting him stay where he is is the best thing for him, and the world in general.”
GT: Wait, Coach Kim has the knowledge and resources to not only develop his own AI app, but publish it on a major distributor? Is this one of those “all Asians are good with tech” stereotype things?
MT: Wait, the golf course is responsible for an invasive species introduced about ninety years ago? Pick a soapbox and stay on it, Jules!
MW: Wait, since when does Charterstone (or any gated condominium complex) just sit on the edge of undeveloped open space with no fences or even a walking path?
Ugh, I just remembered that Olive has already insisted she knew what a dog was thinking once in this arc, hasn’t she? If she starts going all Dr. Doolittle on Max and Greta I’m going to vomit.
Phantom: “We’re sadistic bullies and we get paid for doing what we love.”
“Oh yeah, right.”
RMMD: Realizing something so dramatic as a near-fatal heart attack may have been too much for the audience, the Rex Morgan team gives them a breather by having two characters on the phone telling each other things we already know.
@Dr. M: I assumed that was the joke, hence Meg’s reaction.
@CanuckDownSouth: re: Curtis, I’ve seen a couple of very mild political commentary strips lately and I assume this is one. Canonically, we’ve often seen Curtis with a packed lunch.
Luann – …and penis underachiever – that’s a thing, right…cuz it really nails you…and me….
Dustin – See…I knew it was a thing. A gross, tiny, repulsive thing….
FC – Listen to your brain tummy, Jeffy. It’s screaming for salmon squares…
Adios Amigos, DJ.
Dustin: Megan’s mother makes a note to give her husband Malcolm Gladwell’s new book 10,000 Hours of Mind-Blowing Sexual Nirvana.
Dustin: I’m sure Dustin’s dad, a lawyer, provides 10,000 billable hours a year to his firm. (The joke here is that there are only 8,760 hours in a non-leap year, or if you’ve dealt with any lawyers you know.)
@Dr. M: Cf. “Love and Death”: “You are the greatest lover I have ever had!” “Well, I practice a lot when I’m alone…”
@Philip: I hope your Luann comment becomes COTW!
“I got 105! Beat that. Oh, wait that’s my doctor’s report and I have a 105 degree fever. I’m gonna die now, but I bet you can’t beat my temperature!”
“Oh, I’ll show you, I’m off to the bio lab to pick up some smallpox.”
in the state of Maine you are required to have 70 hours of practice driving time before they can take the drivers test. It’s not 10,000 hours but let me tell you it sure feels like it.