Unpleasant Friday
Post Content
Beetle Bailey, 9/26/25
Perverts turned on by crudely drawn cartoons everywhere were devastated this week when Beetle Bailey skipped its usual “Miss Buxley Wednesday” to do a strip about Sarge eating a pizza with a big pile of meatballs on it. But, good news: Miss Buxley is here on Friday! Bad news: it’s “casual Friday” which means she’s not wearing her sexy formal (?) little black dress. But good news: there’s some shoe stuff involving Private Blips! Bad news: the shoes are so crudely drawn that you can’t even tell what they’re supposed to look like, but you can tell that they’re definitely not very sexy. This whole week has been a real roller coaster ride for perverts, I tell you what.
Crankshaft, 9/26/25
More bad news for very specific and esoteric perverts who get off on Crankshaft’s malapropisms: today’s is no good! His dumb addled wordplay is supposed to be full of accidental polysemy, or should at least sound like it makes sense at first but upon examination doesn’t quite. This is just a wrong word that sounds like the right word! I refute this!
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 9/26/25
Is that … the possum’s … rib cage? I’m with you, Snuffy; I don’t care for this either. I don’t care for it at all.
85 replies to “Unpleasant Friday”
Slylock Fox: With arms like that, masturbation must be a bitch. Then again, with the long flexible anteater’s tongue, maybe not.
Mary Worth Mashups: Let’s extend this tableau for one more panel. Which is the most likely to happen?
BG&SS:
“Possum blossom is definitely not awesome — claw some, toss ’em!”
BB “I have a new outfit for casual friday. I’ll show you as soon as I get out if my bowling league uniform.”
CSh Actually, it’s not a malpropism at all: the old theater has had some serious, serious plumbing problems. Not going well at all, folks.
MW: Stanley convinces them that they can fashion a makeshift rope long enough to reach the ground by stripping out of their clothes. They all start undressing and as Mary gets down to her thong. “Uh, I think we’re good.” Says Stanley.
Snuffy Smith : Quick question : Can you catch rabies from eating an improperly-cooked animal?
***********
Crankshaft :
a) Well, you see, it’s actually a bit of clever wordplay, because Max and Hannah LIVE in the Valentine, so they ARE keeping their actual bed above water (especially with the implied flooding from the massive rainfall on panel)!… Wait, are they? Or do Max and Hannah live at Crankshaft’s house still? Or are they the one who moved into the appartment above Montoni’s?… Wait, isn’t the appartment above Montoni’s Komix Korner?
…Forget it.
b) Isn’t the Valentine owned by MASON JARRE, multimillionaire movie star? Why are Max and Hannah the ones expected to pay the bills? Or did Mason give up after he realised how much of a money sink a movie theater that only ever shows old sci-fi serials nobody turns up to watch was?
FC-Sadly for Bill even his echo doesn’t listen to him.
MW-Time to pull a page from the Wilbur playbook and let people think you are dead.
RMMD: Good grief what’s happened to his face??!! Looks like he’s been smacked in the face with a frying pan!
S4th: Why? Because you work here now, Forth family. After all, the rich have to eat too. Someone’s got to pick the crops for pennies on the dollar since… you know…
B. Bailey: I know the new command structure has trouble with women serving but making enlisted females wear gray shoes shaped like hamburger buns is going too far.
Bux is so excited at her new outfit that she hasn’t noticed that it’s cut off the return blood flowing from her head, which is swelling like a balloon in consequence.
MW: “We’re TOO FAR away from civilization!”
Mary summarizes the entire gestalt of the Worthiverse in a mere six words.
Look, I know he didn’t mean it that way, but I never, ever want to read the phrase “making out” in the context of Crankshaft. Especially if it’s close to the word “Valentine.” And double-especially because the comic is called Crank— nope, no, not gonna finish writing that word (and in fact I can’t, because my keyboard is covered in vomit; happy weekend, everybody!).
BG&SS:
“I don’t wanna didelphus virginiana…it ain’t my favorite fauna…I much prefer iguana…think I’ll go jump in the sauna!”
Beetle Bailey – Before reading the dialogue I assumed from the first panel art that Miss Buxley was going bowling.
Crankshaft – The malapropism hides a fact that was barred from being printed in a family newspaper: The theater’s attempt to return cinema to middle America has failed, and now it shows porno movies for people to feel less lonely in their sin.
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith – Culture in all its forms evolves slowly in Hootin’ Holler. This attempt to remake Outback’s Bloomin’ Onion with local ingredients, and possibly bring in food tourists, has ended in a terrible meal. They’ll stick to what they know best: Grinding poverty, malnutrition, and social isolation.
@els: To be fair, I could see that as a hypothetical one-panel Archie comic.
Mr. Lodge: Archie and Veronica are doing their homework, I’ll go see how they’re making out.
(Archie and Veronica are literally making out in the next room)
But then again, Archie characters are usually very likeable while Crankshaft characters are not.
Note to Baja!
Loweezy has provided today’s cuisine. You can take the day off.
@The Rambling Otter: Actually, 70+ years of archives. I wouldn’t doubt that they actually did that joke at some point.
Crankshaft: I guess the joke is that Crank’s friend asked “How are they making out?” and he thought that meant “Tell me the details of their sex life”. “They’re managing to keep their bed above water” means they have some very specific boat-related fetishes.
BG&SS: I thought they were eating one of those larval stage creatures from Alien which, when you think about it, don’t stand a chance against the rubes from Hootin’ Holler.
MW:
Trapped in a pine — a bad cave-in
And everyone knew the only ones left
Were Worth, and me, and him
When they broke through to pull us three
The only ones left to tell the tale
Were Worth…and me
Stan-a-ley, Stan-a-ley — where, oh, Worth, did he go-o?
Stan-a-ley, Stan-a-ley — odd, why don’t I knoooooow?
Hungry and felled, no food to eat
And Worth said that she would sell her soul for just a muffin treat
Hauteur enough for just us two
And Mary said, “Here, I’ll break a twig, and then there’s one for you”
Stan-a-ley, Stan-a-ley — Worth was looking at you-ou
Stan-a-ley, Stan-a-ley — odd, what do we chew?
I must’ve whacked out just ’round then
‘Cause the very next thing that I could feel was the plight of our trey, and then
I’m flummoxed and fooled as it could be
And nobody every got around to finding
Stan-a-ley
Stan-a-ley, Stan-a-ley
Where, oh. Worth, did he go-o?
Stan-a-ley, Stan-a-ley —
Odd, why don’t I knoooooooooooow?
Stan-a-ley, yeah
Oh, Stan-a-ley
Stan-a-ley-ey-ey-ey-ey
[fade]
Snuffy Smith, Gasoline Alley and maybe Sam and Silo… are all starting to blend together for me.
BB: I’m surprised that Camp Sexist, er, I mean SWAMPY doesn’t have a “No Slacks for Women” rule that applies only to Ms Buxley.
BG&SS: How did Loweezy know about onion blossoms to begin with? I suspect it’s an old mountain remedy that the chain restaurants re-branded as cuisine.
With the Belle Batsfrey eyes and the bedraggled hair, Mary Worth looks like she’s suffered a head injury. And sounds like it too. I mean, how far could they have drifted? They were literally surrounded by other balloons only a few moments ago. She’s acting like they flew thousands of miles and are stranded in some Amazonian rainforest.
BB – Our troops will enjoy more casualies….
Crank – The bus barn could use a dusting….
BG&SS – Tomorrow – the blooming cow pie….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
BG & SS:
“Aw, shoot! — the fruit of this bandicoot don’t suit! I’d ruther take a whirl with squirrel!”
BB: I love that the colourist chose to use those little grey diamonds (a relic of 20th century printing) only on Private Blips’ arm, implying that she has some terrible disease (which SHOULD be a relic of the 20th century, but I digress…)
MW Given that we’re ages past the era of US cell coverage only reaching cities-and-near-the-highways-between, Olive’s powers are finally incontrovertibly revealed: she teleported them through the pink clouds to the National Radio Quiet Zone in Virginia
BB: I think someone stole Miss Buxley’s purse between panels.
God damn it. After I’ve been cracking wise for two weeks about Cody’s disappearance, Rex Morgan pulls out the “He’s performing!” reveal, and even makes it plausible that they fit him in at the last moment the way they needed to. You win this round, Beatty.
Since it seems to be a fairly popular refrain on CC, I’d like to add my voice to the chorus…
Get help, Brooke.
I haven’t read today’s 9CL, but I’m sure it’s applicable.
@Baja Gaijin: number 3 = just another Friday for Wilbur.
Dick Tracy: Can you please reveal Roberta’s last name? Tess calls “Roberta” Roberta so often that I know there’s a pun there and it’s driving me crazy what it could be.
MW: Oh, come on. You took off in a hot air balloon from a wealthy SoCal suburb, and now you’re so far from civilization you can’t even get a 911 signal? Really?
CS: Serious question: why didn’t Funky Winkerbean simply convert itself to a drama strip after Lisa died? That’s what it was anyway. Tom Batiuk could have stopped bothering with the jokes, which he thinks are beneath him anyway, and spared us all stupid crap like this.
It had spent a million years in the cold between the stars until it was finally captured by the gravity of a green-blue world teaming with life, with prey. It began to rouse with the heat of re-entry and landed, still steaming, near the Holler. Smif had seen the bright light falling from the skies and followed it to the crater, to the egg, pulsing and moist. “A ‘possum egg,” Smif told his wife, and before the xenomorph could lunge, it was plunged into boiling oil. The ultimate predator became a mediocre appetizer, and Earth was saved.
@Voshkod: Can you break out the UCMJ section on dress code for Miss Buxley?
DT:Is she a suspect? Is she under an arrest warrant? Has she been charged? Shouldn’t DT be able to find out the car(s) from the DMV? How about – where were they going? If DT ends up chasing them in a car and the baddies end up missing a road construction warning this will be very disappointing.
GT: Outbreak of parotid gland viral infections in Milford. Everyone is particularly jowly.
MW: Usually cell service is poor in large park areas (away from roads and power lines). BUT you are visible from the air and afar with that huge balloon (deflating). Surprising that Mary and Stanley are panicking like this. Mary should be the one with the old adages – like don’t wander off if you are lost. Try to stay near where people can find you, and stuff like that.
DT Yeah, let’s rely on asking a coworker about a fugitive’s car instead of having the details from registry / plate records – that’s some amazing detective work here.
FG OK, so Adrane stays in the competition. Given that we’re now at single-round elimination, though, I am a bit fuzzy on how Flash et al will drag this out and buy Aura time. About the only thing I can think of is that they deliberately try to make their bouts last *ages* – hours of boring dodging around the stadium instead of a few minutes of clashing – and that would limit the number of matchups a day. But that sure doesn’t seem to be what they’re showing, so the main result so far is that many more defeated fighters than usual are surviving because they have been shown to go for disabling rather than killing blows.
MW: FWIW Mythbusters did an episode on w
Beetle Bailey: On the other hand [quickly scans allfetishes.com] those many, many people with a bowling kink will be deeply turned on by Miss Buxley’s outfit and her tease with the ball bag in panel one…
@Professor Well Actually: whether or not a tree could be used as a catapult. I think the ruling was possible but unlikely.
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: (God, I am deeply afraid to find out if that’s a real site or not.)
“But so far they’re managing to keep their bed above water.”
“Heh, funny. New topic. Why are the busses stored in the Alamo? I thought that was, like, a national landmark, or at least a Texas state memorial or something.”
“Oh, yeah, that’s in Earth-212, next door. You’re in Earth-213, where Santa Anna was victorious at San Jacinto and kept Texas as part of Mexico. Here the Alamo’s just a bus depot. You need help getting back to your dimension?”
“Nah. Coffee’s better here.”
“Yeah.”
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: Buxley’s a civilian, so she’s fine. Blips, on the other hand, is probably just looking at non-judicial punishment under Article 15. Reduction in pay, home confinement, that sort of thing.
MW: One minute without cell service and Mary’s already turned into a feral homunculus.
Speaking of perverts (as who does not), every time I read Crankshaft, I think “Is this it? Is this when they sign the papers to incapacitate Ed and send him to a geri-psych ward?” Reader, I am disappointed every single time.
@matt w: Cody: “Um I’d like to thank my newly found dad Truck, and before I sing in honor of the happy couple, I hope you’ll keep my half brother in mind with your thoughts and prayers – he had a relapse and is on total life support. And a one, and a two…”
Snuffy Smith: Hmmm… now I’m considering, MAYBE writing a down-to-earth slice of life story, about a spunky Possum girl, named Blossom, and the trials and tribulations of high-school and growing up.
Until I remembered the sitcom Blossom which was already mostly that. (Except she wasn’t a Possum)
“Screw it. At least it rhymes.”
– Tom Batiuk, 2025
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith: Judging by the yellowish hue and curved shape in Loweezy’s hand, I’d say this is more of a festive possum-flavored banana dish. The 19-dickety-two Betty Crocker cookbook had a recipe.
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: Also, after all the s*** he does on his job, I question why he isn’t fired yet.
I mean, in Real Life, there was a school bus driver who got behind the wheel drunk. He only drove for about half a mile before police pulled him over (the kids were unharmed)
He lost his bus license, and was barred from ever working with children again.
Crankshaft deserves such a fate himself. Seriously, why isn’t he in prison yet?
BB: PVT Blips has the right shoes for Bender cosplay but the rest of the costume is wanting. A trash can and a few pots from Cookie should complete the ensemble.
Tomorrow on Crankshaft: Ed reveals that he’s referring to the one-man performance art show of a dude sleeping that has the Westview art scene in a tizzy and keeps the Old Valentine Theater financially solvent despite its basement flooding woes.
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: Declaring someone incapacitated and getting them into a facility usually starts with a painful conversation with those who love and care about the person. So it’s never going to happen with Crankshaft.
MW: The much bigger plot hole here, though, is still the fact that Olive’s special, amazing gifts did not see this coming. If Moy was going to go down this road, it would have made a lot more sense for Olive, in a Final Destination-esque scenario, to have refused to go up in the balloon because she foresaw this turn of events, and Mary, always trusting Dear Olive, says ground-bound as well. Then, some randos end up getting strand-o’d and Olive uses her amazing gifts to direct rescuers to them. Something along those lines.
Olive’s “gifts” only work when Moy needs a deus ex machina.
CS. Those are two men who would only use the term “partner” in a business sense and, therefore, I assume they know Max runs a theater with a woman but think it’s purely platonic, if not not wholly transactional.
FC: The artwork in today’s recycled strip really reveals its age and also the source of Dolly’s stupidity. She’s chewing lead paint chips off the guard rail.
Milford USA (AP): A missing boy last seen in Berlin resurfaced today as Jami Thorp appeared at a school board meeting in Milford. Police admit that they still have no leads on Meemaw Clover, the entire Milford High hockey team, or a young man only known a
@Little Blue Bicycle: …as Torch.
DT: Assistant? Assistant? Oh my god, she’s a total nepotism hire, isn’t she? “Have sex with me and onto the payroll you go!” I bet she’s not even a scientist. I bet she majored in French late romantic poetry.
Dustin: Last panel: is Ed laughing at this poor bastard too? Or just chewing with his mouth open?
Don Abundio, translated:
“Juan S. Perfil’s new TV series is all thanks to you. You provided the financing, and set up the production company”
“Isn’t it great to see it finally broadcast?”
“It was a lot of work, but it was worth it”
“At last I can have the satisfaction of firing that big ham!”
BG&SS — Maybe not awesome, but definitely cage-free and locally-sourced. Work with it, Loweezy!
Which of the following is most representative of the current state of Beetle Bailey:
(a) Only now discovering the 30 year old concept of “casual Friday”, now that workplaces have commonly gone to “business casual” as a default; or
(b) Thinking that the concept of “casual Friday” could apply to on-duty members of the United States Army?
Snuffy Smith: When the xenomorphs invaded Hootin’ Holler, the cartoon hillbillies just fucking ate them. Much scarier than Alien: Earth.
Blondie: Dithers is all “Fuck pizza month. It’s Rocktober!!”
@CanuckDownSouth: It’s pretty obvious Karen Moy’s only knowledge of hot air balloons comes from The Wizard of Oz, and she assumes a freak storm is all it takes to send one into completely different universe.
Buxley is a civilian. Blips is somehow still a Private. The crew at WalkerBrowne Humor LLC has completely lost the plot.
BGSS: Please tell me the possum wasn’t alive when they shoved the blossoming tool on it.
C’shaft: Max and Mindy are married, right? And Mindy hasn’t come out as trans or non-binary or anything other than cisgender female, right? So there’s absolutely no reason why anyone, especially someone of Token Black Bus Driver’s generation, would identify her as Max’s “partner” rather than his “wife” and this is just Batiuk’s typically awkward exposition at work, right?
MW: This summer, the store where I work sold a “survival backpack”.
It was supposed to help you get found if you were lost in the woods.
It had a water bottle. A cellphone battery charger. First aid kit, etc.
The pack was camouflage colored.
BG&SS: One of my favorite high school sports team names — the Blooming Prairie (MN) Awesome Blossoms.
Beetle: I’m not sure uniformed service people (like Blips) are permitted casual anything. “Casual” at most means fatigues
BB: “This is as casual as I can get. My shoes have melded with the floor, and I can’t get them off. I’ve been standing in this exact position for hours. I’m afraid I might lose my legs below the knees. Wait, do I even have knees?”
‘shaft: I appreciate that weary look on Ed’s face in panel one. He’s just trying to enjoy a cup of coffee when his coworker feeds him an obvious setup line. “Goddammit,” he thinks, “I’ll have to do some kind of pun or malaprop or some bullshit now. I’m like a performing seal. Welp, that’s the life I signed on for. Let’s just do this.”
Snuffy: So … the Awesome Blossom was an appetizer at Chili’s. It was discontinued in 2008 for being too unhealthy even for Chili’s. Are we to believe that Snuffy and Loweezy once ate at a chain restaurant? Like flatlanders? What the fuck did they use for money when the check arrived? Chickens? Moonshine? Bucolic observational humor?
@matt w: Five bucks says it’s “McGee.”
“One day up near Salinas, Lord, I let her slip away
She’s lookin’ for that home, and I hope she finds it
But, I’d trade all of my tomorrows, for one single yesterday
To be holdin’ Roberta’s body next to mine”
@TheDiva: Hey, it’s Hannah! Don’t mix up Batuik’s interchangeable lookalike blondes!
Pluggers – Of course, that was 18 in dog years…
MW: The problem here is, if any one of these people gets out of the basket the thing now weighing down the treetop will lighten and then be flung up by the pine tree. They’re all doomed.
SS & BG – I can only add to the daily discourse by telling you that possums have 13 nipples. 12 in a circle, one in the middle. Is that awesome? No. It’s creepy. But I can’t un-know that, and now, you can’t either.
@Pozzo: Either that or the rapid elongation of the desk has moved it out of the panel.
Beetle Bailey: This is geniunely properly drawn, as Miss Buxley’s footwear is actually a shibboleth for those who are big fans of Bender (Bending Unit) Rodriguez.
Lockhorns: As if Leroy can climb a tree like that without a ladder. And I not so sure about with a ladder either.
MW: What’s our licensed balloon pro doing up there without any radio whatsoever?
Gasoline Alley: Toodle missed the diner visit from Guy Fieri.
“Now here’s a place that still in business because they do things the old-fashioned way: An envelope stuffed with unmarked, non-sequential twenty dollar bills slipped quietly into the pocket of the health inspector!”
Pluggers birthdays are really a science experiment, conducted only annually, to see how many candles it takes to use up all the oxygen in the room. They’ll find out when the Fire Department breaks down the door and CPR brings them back to life (or doesn’t).
Between Friends: This arc is distinctly not full of hoary gags. I like it.
Dustin: Hey, as a white American suburban guy of a certain age, I ask: What does “Not really” mean? Either you tried out for football in some organized manner along about your early-mid teens and made it, then advanced to a certain level, or you didn’t.
H&L: Lois, you can get Chip diagnosed at any time. Chances are it’ll come back “Oppositional Defiance Disorder”, and that will save you a bunch of wondering when he shows up on the news “just asking questions” about vaccines.
FC:
“Okay, let’s get a shot of you all, but not with that ugly railing in the way. *click* Oh, you’re out of focus–just a step back. *click* Wait, one more step. *click* Ooh, not quite it, a touch more..”
“Thel? Thel! I said, ‘Do you want to take a family photo?’ ”
“Sorry, honey, my mind was somewhere else!”
@Bob Tice: My parents grew up as sharecroppers in rural Arkansas during the Great Depression. From what they said, nobody eats opossum because they think it will taste good. You eat opossum when you can’t get squirrel.
Snuff Smith: Are they nauseated or laughing? Cracking each other up with a joke or gagging on possum parts? I shouldn’t be this confused, and I know that’s on me.
@Old Goat: On the one hand, you beat me to Bender. On the other hand, glad I’m not the only one to make the connection.
BB: It’s casual Friday because Gen. Halftrack isn’t there, having been called to Quantico for the all-generals meeting, where he’ll be elevated to the Joint Chiefs. Or maybe executed. The real story is that somebody high up remembered that Camp Swampy still exists.
Crankshaft: “They’re keeping their bed above water / hosting a rave when they can / Temporary playoffs / Rude times! Wait, what the hell am I saying?”
GA: The new diner staff has decided to kill Slim as quickly as possible.
Luann: Gunther and Bernice could have saved the Fyre Festival.
Snuffy Smith: The Smiths hit a new low of hillbilly stereotype by being reduced to eating literal roadkill for dinner. They attempt to take their minds off this depressing horror with jokes. Unfortunately, their writer wouldn’t know a joke if it kick him in the nuts, so their torment simply persists eternally. Sad!
@Ukulele Ike: I don’t have my glasses on, and read that as “Romantic Pottery”
I was thinking… Patrick Swayze in “Ghost”?
DT: “Sure, it’s a bright red sports car with vanity plates saying “LAKLABZ. You’d have to be a complete idiot to drive right by it and not notice it.”
Dustin: “Ha-ha, but seriously, my husband’s brief college athletic career means that he’s accomplished more than you have, or ever will.”
GT: What? Does Jami assume they’ll have to join up with a circus after losing their home a la Water for Elephants, or has Gil told him he’s getting sold to Ringling Brothers if they can’t pay the bills?
JP: Gotta admit, this is pretty much how I would expect “Neddy tries to relate to a small child” to go.
Luann: The OT3 absolutely nobody demanded!
So wait, I thought Bets and Gunther were just doing a booth at a vendor fair or something, but they’re in charge of the entire event? And despite it being run by three college students with zero experience, it isn’t a disaster to rival Dashcon or the Glasgow Willy Wonka experience? I’d say that’s the most absurd thing on the comic strip page right now, but, well…
MW: I’m not saying this is a little ridiculous, but right now I’m longing for the gritty realism of the “Wilbur falls overboard, thinks he’s on a deserted island which turns out to be the cruise line’s private resort, and everyone assumes he’s dead until he shows up a week later” plot.
Remember when I mentioned seeing a hot air balloon descending down our street? We live on the northeast end of our city; balloon launches typically happen from a large public park on the southwest side–it’s roughly a half-hour drive by car. Even an absolute idiot like Stanley shouldn’t have been able to get blown this far afield, especially since this is established to be taking place during a balloon festival, a large event with dozens of launches, thousands of spectators, and a metric butt-ton of local if not national coverage. There should be a bunch of people mobilizing to rescue them right now–no, check that, they shouldn’t have even been in the air because the event organizers would have canceled the launch due to the storm incoming. (Our local festival canceled one of its night glows due to weather this year, and the balloons don’t even get off the ground for that; they just sit there lit up and pretty.)
TL;DR: At this point, the absurdly precious fourteen-year-old who can foresee accidents, remember her past life in ancient Egypt and speak to animals is the least implausible thing about this arc.
Pluggers realize they’ve squandered their life.
RMMD: Cody looks like he was aiming for “mid-century formal” but landed on “your local All State agent.”
@Old School Allie Cat: That won’t stop the furries… it’ll just encourage them, if anything.
@Joe Blevins:
Bart and Lisa Simpson: Sing us a song!
(Magical Nanny) Shari Bobbins: I’ve been singing you songs all day, what am I, a bloody jukebox?