We haven’t even heard “Muddy Boots” yet, come on guys
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Gearhead Gertie, 10/2/25
I was actually visiting a friend in Durham on the day Dale Earnhardt died, a date that I will always think of as “North Carolina’s 9/11,” so I know the strong feelings that his life and death elicit, and hopefully I’m not about to step out of line in this post, but: Dale Earnhardt died in a car crash during the Daytona 500? Because he ran into a wall at 160 miles an hour? And had previously complained about some rules that NASCAR had changed that slowed down races, and so NASCAR tweaked the rules again for the “aerodynamic package” allowed for cars, in order to (in the words of the remarkably detailed Wikipedia article on the subject) “keep cars bunched up close together and to allow more frequent passing at high speed”? Anyway, Gearhead Gertie has been a lot of business about her petty gripes with her husband lately, so I’m pretty excited that today’s panel is about Dale Earnhardt’s ghost or soul or whatever, which has been trapped in a photo on Gertie’s end table, saying, “Learn no lessons from my death. Go faster. Ever faster. Never slower. If they tell you to slow down, tell ’em to go to hell and leave them in your dust.”
Mary Worth, 10/2/25
Santa Royale is a bucolic California seaside college town, a fairly transparent stand-in for Santa Barbara, so it’s very funny that we suddenly have introduced into canon the idea that it’s immediately adjacent to a vast, dense forest, with no cell reception. I assume that Saul is terrified because he knows it’s full of … brigands? Wolves? Fae folk? Looking forward to finding out!
Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/2/25
Look, I’ve talked a lot of shit about the roots country Americana Ameripolitan scene on this blog, but I’m not such a hater that I won’t admit that a wedding full of musicians who are all playing for one another would be extremely fun and interesting! Not Rex and June, though. They need to go home and go to bed. They’re very boring people!
81 replies to “We haven’t even heard “Muddy Boots” yet, come on guys”
MW-“We just passed by a pair of dogs headed in the same direction.”
RMMD-With the groom gone Rex’s interest in primo nocta has dropped.
“Help! I’ve been trapped in this tiny rectangle watching the sad existence of this jackass old lady! Break the frame, call a priest, something!”
MW: Saul has never been able to return to the forest to reclaim his pot of gold ever since he was accosted by a bunch of kids demanding Lucky Charms.
RMMD: Rex’s fake smile implies that he would rather have dental surgery without anesthesia than spend five minutes associating with someone who he can’t bother to use something as personal as names.
GG – WWDT – a slogan to live by….
MW – Is that a 2006 Buick LaCrosse, Saul? It looks like the rings are pretty much shot….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
“Brigands? Wolves? Fae Folk?”
Wolf brigands (who may or may not be magical)?
Saul’s just worried about the last vestiges of the Viet Cong, that’s all (his family thinks his mind is STARTING to go).
MW: Santa Royale’s “vast, dense forest” is noted for its R.O.U.S., so it’s probable that they’ll encounter Wilbur. Gulp!
MW: This would be more believable if the Buick had a lolling tongue.
“We should meet up for dinner sometime soon. It’ll have to be at 3:30 PM, though. Me and June are HARDCORE about going home and going to bed.”
GG I like how Gertie is saying this aloud to herself, clearly because she has no-one to discuss it with. It just makes me happy that this annoying one-note character is profoundly lonely and unsatisfied with her waning life.
MW As a member of the gnome commmunity, Saul is no doubt awareness the mystical dangers that await in the enchanted forest.
RMMD I love that Rex and June’s excuse is not that it’s already too late, but that it might get too late if they stay. Clearly these two don’t have a firm grasp on how time works, and they don’t trust it.
It’s not that it’s gotten too late for Rex and June — it’s that it might get too late. Of course, it’s never too early to worry about it getting too late.
MW:
Get your motor runnin’
Head out on the byway
Lookin’ for our dentures
And whatever comes our way
Yeah, snarlin’, gonna make it happen
Take the world in a dud’s embrace
Fire all of your gums at once and
Implode into pla-a-ace
I like stokin’ frightening
Heavy pedal chunder
Racin’ with chagri-in
And the feelin’ I’m asunder
Yeah, snarlin’, gonna make it happen
Take the world in a dud’s embrace
Fire all of your gums at once and
Implode into pla-ace
Like our true nature, styled
We were born, born to be mild
We can fly, so spry —
I never wanna try-y
Born to be mi-i-i-i-ild
Born to be mi-i-i-i-ild
[bridge]
Get your motor runnin’
Head out on the byway
Lookin’ for our dentures
And whatever comes our way
Yeah, snarlin’, gonna make it happen
Take the world in a dud’s embrace
Fire all of your gums and
Implode into pla-a-ace
And like our true nature, styled
We were born, born to be mild
We can fly, so spry —
I never wanna try-y
Born to be mi-i-i-i-ild
Born to be mi-i-i-i-ild
[outro to fade]
MW: “Oh, fuck, not the woods. Nothing good ever happens in the woods.” – Norm McDonald, from “The 12-Minute Joke”
MW: Saul has driven himself right into the Pluggerverse, where snail-paced geriatric driver jokes grow on trees.
RMMD: Rex and June need to be well-rested and ready to heal when all of the injured rowdies from the reception start staggering/crawling/line-dancing into the clinic.
RMMD:
“Mindy, whenever I see you, I want to chew Bazooka bubble gum. Go figure!”
RMMD: Rex reflexively puts his hand on Buck’s shoulder to prevent the “goodbye hug.”
Uh, that’s close enough.
Gearhead Gertie:
Dale Sr. looks more like Leon Redbone in the photo next to Gertie.
RMMD: “Yes, let’s make that happen.”
Translation: “Not gonna happen.”
MW:
“Don’t worry! We’ll find them! — well, assuming we can see out our windshield, which, judging from its depiction in our second panel, doesn’t necessarily look all that probable.”
RMMD:
“I have to say, Buck, it’s refreshing for me to have had a conversation with someone where there was no mention of you-know-what or you-know-what!”
“That observation of yours has given me food for thought, Rex! — it really takes the cake!”
Josh, Ameripolitan is like “fetch” and no matter what you do, it just isn’t happening.
@A Grave Mind:
So, what you’re saying is that Dale Earnhardt never died, it’s just that Gertie trapped him in the Phantom Zone?
************
Luann : that shirt… was this comic supposed to run three weeks ago?
MW: Saul and Eve slow down and then drive by two raggly looking teenagers in the woods. “Sorry! Wrong runaways.”
Was…was that remarkably detailed Wikipedia article written by Gearhead Gertie?
Crankshaft-What I’m seeing is someone stroking their ego.
I just learned today that NASCAR is a metaphor and microcosm for American society and unrestrained capitalism and technological development! I get NASCAR now, thanks Josh.
Dustin WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE discontinued “phone a friend” in 2010, so, what, 7 years before this kid would have been born? It’s mind boggling how little thought the creators of this crap put into their drivel.
Mary Worth: Of course he’s nervous. If you were a 136-year-old Hitler posing as “Saul Winters” and driving a Buick into the vast, dense forest where the Mossad maintained its Santa Royale branch office, you’d be nervous too.
@Everything Is Better With Monkeys: I don’t think he’s *trying* to make it happen…
JP: ‘Wait… of course! I can palm Charlotte off on Abbey tomorrow and tell them I’m going to Norway to heroically search for Charlotte’s parents, when I’ll really be f’ing off to my waiting palatial apartment in Paris! That’ll get me out of this babysitting bull$)#%!’
Rex Morgan, M.D.: Hell yes, Rex and June are boring people. He’s wearing a classic gray flannel suit, and she looks stunning in lilac. They’re moving to Charterstone next week, is what I’m saying, look out Toby and Ian, there’s new (boring) kids on the block.
Crank: Add irony to the long list of Stuff Batuik Doesn’t “Get.” Looks like the Kent State diploma is good for nothing these days except bragging rights.
”U.S. citizens attacked and shot by the National Guard? Pshaw — been there, done that!”
Considering the canceling we’ve seen recently over insufficient mourning, I am a tad concerned about what may happen to this beloved site. I hope Gertie doesn’t see this, or you’re going to get doxxed.
Again with the Rex Morgan, M.D.: [Rex and June walk through door into a surprisingly bright light. “Six Feet Under” theme begins to play. SCENE]
He could be stroking . . . [Naw, too easy]
Phantom: Damn, I was just making a hilarious funny joke yesterday when I said “Devil is enjoying the extra meals,” but take a look at today’s final panel. And pass that wolf the ketchup.
MW – I’d like to think Eve is giving Saul a handy as he races that Buick into the forest at 25 miles per hour.
I’m pretty sure Santa Royale has seat belt laws, Saul.
MW – I understand Saul’s apprehension. This is a gnome who moved to Charterstone because he was sick of dealing with fae folk and their shit. Now he’s going to have to battle Oberon to get Greta back? He’ll do it, of course, with his Jotunvolk wife by his side, but this is not what he signed up for!
MW Saul gulps because he knows this car can’t fit between the dense trees. Yet if the Writer beckons, somehow it will. He feels more and more of his sanity slipping away into a fog of mauve…
Gearhead Gertie: It’s good that we get a bit of Gertie’s backstory here. The framed photo of #3 makes sense for a NASCAR obsessive like Gertie, but it’s more fun to imagine her as Earnhardt’s former lover! Maybe she only displayed a healthy interest, or no interest at all, in NASCAR before her passionate affair with one of the greatest stock car racers of all time terminated in his untimely death! Now, watching fast cars drive in big circles is the only way she can feel close to the love of her life.
Or she just uses her favorite sport to torment her husband, who she despises for not driving stock cars. Your pick, really!
I’m not a monster who wishes ill on dogs but these two being eaten by a puma, making Olive shut up about her alleged psychic powers forever, is the only thing that will keep this from being the most insufferable Mary Worth story line in history.
***
Gearhead Gertie may be in the running for the worst comic ever, but the look on her face as she thinks about NASCAR having critics is everything.
MW: If Moy expects us to accept that Olive is psychic, she needs to lean into it. Yes, there should be fae folk in the forest. The ghost of Aldo Kelrast should start haunting Mary, Wilbur should get those superpowers he was daydreaming about, and psychic advisor Ella Byrd should return.
RMMD – June and Rex: Not paying a sitter for their three school aged kids. Buck and Mindy: Paying for a sitter for their toddler, their tween aged son is a guest of the groom. It may bother you to read this, but I honestly think Buck and Mindy are more fun. And that’s not taking into account the fact that the first Mrs. Buck nail-gunned him in the head.
MW: Saul’s apprehensions are well founded. When Japanese immigrants settled in Santa Royale, they established their own version of Aokigahara Forest on the outskirts, (now popularly known as the Kelrast Copse).
I have an odd relationship with NASCAR.
I’m not a sports guy, and I’m not a car guy, but I grew up surrounded by stock car racing. For context, I grew up down the street from a driver named Bill Wilder. I played with his kid, Brian, and I was astonished at how flimsy his car’s light sheet metal felt when I touched it in his garage. My dad bought his current home from the late Junior Johnson (via real estate agent; it’s not like they hung out or anything). Some of the neighborhood kids were obsessed with the sport. For my part, I’ve never regretted looking into NASCAR history, but I’m not into sports or cars, so there’s a low ceiling on my interest.
No joke for once. I don’t live in NC anymore, but I grew up next to a weird, interesting world that I couldn’t really process. NASCAR made enough sense to me that it gave me some insight into worlds and people I didn’t understand.
Car racing isn’t safe, and I think it’s perverse that that’s what a lot of people love about it. That said, it’s good that folks love NASCAR because it’s good for people to have things to love.
No, “Batton”, comic strips don’t have to be funny every day. But you could try once in awhile.
The theology is not clear. Is Dale the God of Nascar? Or is he the prophet or messiah? What is the role of Gertie? Is she the prophet of a prophet? Or the fact that she cannot solve a theological question central to the faith — “how fast?” — by herself means that she’s just a pious woman and thus an easier to emulate example? Seeing her so full of doubt about the faith humanises her but undermines her charisma!
“There’s no such thing as too fast.” I’m sick and tired of anti-scientism! Has Dale not heard about the speed of light?!?!
“Yes, let’s make that happen!” Sorry June, this is “Rex Morgan MD”, nothing ever happens!
Rex and June walked out of the party early. Also, they walked out of the storyline early, since it’s just Thursday. Next two strips will be white noise or Ameripolitan, no difference really
BB: Is Sarge carrying a baske8or does he only have one stenciled on his shirt?
It certainly was courteous of Olive to mentally command Max and Greta to follow paved and maintained roads as much as possible on their mad 40 mile dash.
Has anyone ever fitted a Buick sedan with a lift kit? Seems like a pertinent question to ask right about now.
Saul seems a careful dog owner, but he failed by not attaching a AirTag to Greta’s collar, so he would never lose her. Probably Olive’s mother should have given her an AirTag as well, but that would require caring.
FC: Is Billy dead? Today’s strip makes more sense if he’s a spirit come back to help his siblings with the travails of childhood.
JP: “Wait!” Says Neddy.
Sophie asks; “You have an idea?”
“No, just gas.”
Perhaps Olive is also sending telepathic messages to Max’s car, as its Buick logo on the grill has morphed into a determined frown.
@Ettorre: In fairness to RMMD, “let’s make that happen” often means “not gonna happen” in the real world too.
RMMD — Terry Beatty pulls a dues ex machina to escape from the obvious denouement of Mud Mountain singing Muddy Boots–does he have a medical emergency which calls upon the Morgan’s professional training? Does he have Cody and Half-Bro get in a fight? Does he show one of Wanda’s old beaux crashing the party? Nope, he just has Rex and June walk out early.
MW — Don’t go in there, Saul! Two roads will diverge, and you’ll be tempted to take the One More Traveled.
GG: That Dale Earnhardt is considered an acceptable sacrifice to his sport tells me everything I need to know about Gearhead Gertie, and NASCAR in general.
MW: Relax, Saul–there will be a wide, paved road right through Vast Dense State Forest which will come within short walking distance of the tree where Mary and company are now stuck. Because, as it should be perfectly clear by now, this arc is just that stupid.
RMMD: As I get older I find my tolerance for late nights greatly diminished, so it is with some horror that I found today’s Rex Morgan slightly relatable. I have consoled myself with the headcanon that this strip takes place at 6:00pm, and Rex and June are hurrying home to catch Jeopardy! before turning in for the night.
DtM – I love Joey putting a reassuring arm around the girl. “It’s okay, babe. He’ll need another Scotch to kill the headache in an hour, but he’ll be okay. We’ll go looking for frogs then, promise.”
@Liam: Rex interests dropped even before then. The Morgans don’r like any of these people, and only went to thing because Rex heard there’d be cake and he doesn’t know how “bakeries” work.
GG: Do “critics” *really* say the race cars need to go faster, Gertie? Is there a yearly quota for fiery fatalities that’s somehow not being met? Or, are you projecting your own lust for deadly incendiery mayhem onto these “critics?”
MW: Even a fuddy-duddy Buick has radar assist for its cruise control. Moy having heard of this will depict a full-on radar display in Saul’s center console. “Look. There’s Max and Greta and…What’s that? A balloon?”
“Oh, crap! The balloon landed atop that hut with chicken’s legs! I knew we shouldn’t have gone into the vast, dense forest of (checks map) Central Russia!”
DT: Tess LaKoyle gets a tingly feeling in her bits simply contemplating her next DEATH RAY MURDER. Who shall it be? The pursuing patrolmen? Dr. Faust? Blondie girlfriend? “Roberta, you left your breakfast dishes in the SINK again!” ZAP ZAP!!!
DT: Again, why did LaKoyle need to borrow money from the loanshark? Or was he and his goon meant to be unsympathetic victims – that they deserved to be zapped by the zap zap gun. Why is Faust wanting to see the gun tested? Isn’t the breakthrough really the gel? Or is there one more twist and Faust plans to actually seize control of the device and IP and kill Tess and her friend?
MW: If Saul can drive up to the balloon, c’mon there will be plenty of help there already.
RMMD: How long does it take Rex and June to walk to the car? How big is this nightclub?
It’d be funny if Saul and Eve find the dogs inside a Piggly Wiggly, gazing expectantly at a display of jars of olives, tongues lolling out.
MW: Did our dog-chasers switch autos between yesterday and today?
Crankshaft: Can’t tell if this is blindingly oblivious or sizzling meta humor.
Luann has given us the best Pluggers we’re gonna see all month.
Blondie: Breaking the fourth wall? Has Elmo shown himself to be funny or wise enough to do this?
I can’t speak for Santa Royale but California does have a number of large protected forests with little to no cell reception that are near quite populated areas. I suspect however that the forest these two are driving towards appeared out of a Grimm’s Fairy Tale.
“There’s no such thing as too fast.” Well, I guess Dale’s wife was not a very happy… [Gertie and Nascar fans lynch me]
“Mary, I heard you had a terrible incident!”
“That’s right, Wilbur! Luckily, I am safe now! I really shouldn’t be alive but… OH NO!!!”
GG: (No deaths in NASCAR since Dale Earnhardt). “Hey, go faster. It’s lonely here stuck in this frame with this dumb broad ogling me all the time.”
C’shaft: Of course comics don’t need to be funny. They can be sentimental, philosophical, engaging, insightful. The problem, BatTom, is that you are good at exactly none of these things.
DT: So, let me make sure I understand this. Dr. Lakoyle has invented a substance that can store large amounts of electricity safely and efficiently, yet the only thing she can think to do with said substance is to make a ray gun with it? I mean, if she’s aiming for a government contract that’s probably the easiest way to get their attention, but I can’t help but think she’s leaving money on the table here.
Dustin: Who Wants to Be A Millionaire has been syndicated daytime television fodder for years now–nobody under the age of sixty would consider it a current pop culture reference. (I suppose Dustkid might have caught an episode at a grandparent’s house, but he doesn’t even have parents as far as we know so…)
JP: It takes a very special kind of mental myopia to think, “Hey, you were forced into a caregiver role at a very early age due to traumatic circumstances, you should be GREAT with kids!”
Luann: Good idea, I’m sure the old people who have lost the ability to live independently due to severe physical and/or mental decline will be great pet owners.
MT: That is how journalism works, right? You can’t write about someone doing something unless you do it along with them?
Pluggers have lost all feeling in their extremities.
Fun Fact- thr TV show Psych, which purportedly took place in Santa Barbara, was filmed in Vancouver. Thus, Spencer and Gus seemed to spend a lot of time in forests.
I guess Ms Moy, being on a budget, has opted to use her travel money solely for cruises (multiple story lines), instead of a flight to California to do some research.
@2+2=7: Oh, he knows how they work. It’s just that bakeries have this crazy idea that they should be ‘paid’ before they give a cake to someone. Better to just wait until you are invited to an event where the cake has already been provided and you can scarf down as much as you can.
I keep picturing Rex in place of Homer Simpson in that one photo where he’s shoving an entire birthday cake into his mouth, eyes bugged out and frosting flying everywhere.
“There’s no such thing as too fast, but there sure as hell is a thing as stopping too fast.”
MW – Saul, it’s bad enough you’re implying that your dogs are probably going to be eaten by vicious predators in that forest; you shouldn’t illustrate it with sound effects!
Don Abundio, translated:
“What a perfect day for a picnic!”
“Yes, Don Abundio!”
“Did you bring food?”
“Here’s some friendly advice, babe…”
“Get your eyes checked!”
Mary Worth: Hey, look, another reason this whole storyline is incredibly stupid. Olive seriously expects these two senior citizens and their dogs to trudge through God knows how many miles of wilderness and rescue her and Mary? And she’d rather do that then just wait a little while for professional rescue services? All that being said, I’m willing to overlook all this if Saul gets eaten by a bear during his daring rescue attempt.
Mary Worth: “Hurry, Saul! The dogs are getting away!” “Dammit woman, I’m driving a Buick! 12.5 miles an hour is as high as the speedometer goes!”
RMMD – June: Let’s make it happen, cap’n. Cap’n Crunch: Hey – keep me out of your shit-show….
Gearhead Gertie has punched the “Things Paul1963 knows about” button, sooooo… NASCAR Cup Series cars can go significantly faster, especially on the superspeedways like Daytona and Talladega, which is why there’s a thing called a “restrictor plate” that’s required on those tracks. This came in after Bill Elliott ran a 213-mph qualifying lap and there was a crash or two where cars became airborne and nearly ended up in the stands (the same aero that holds them down under normal conditions can turn into a giant sail if they spin). When I was still following NASCAR in the 2000’s, Rusty Wallace ran a test without a restrictor plate and exceeded 230 mph, which is in Formula 1 and Indy Car territory, but in a much bigger and heavier car.
So yeah, don’t really have a joke here, but this does seem like something Gertie should be aware of.