Wednesday quickies
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Mary Worth, 10/22/25
“Sure, she can predict the future and bend animals to her will, but not in a big showy way that would attract attention! Sort of like how you own a boat large and powerful enough to defeat entire navies from anytime before about 1850 but you just use it to putter around the harbor once a month or so, if the weather’s nice.”
Dustin, 10/22/25
I’m pretty sure we’ve never seen Dustin express any interest in comic books or geek culture before? Despite what I said yesterday about nerd stuff, this makes his personality more interesting than I frankly find plausible.
Mother Goose and Grimm, 10/22/25
Yeah, so these guys are just staring into big bowls of brown … soup? Chocolate? Dog food? I don’t know if it’s fattening, but it’s definitely not appetizing.
79 replies to “Wednesday quickies”
You don’t wear clothes, so what would make you look fat — tight collars?
MW: Maybe Olive’s just channeling all the sexual energy produced by her parents constant boinking? Jeff asks covetingly.
Wow, what’s next, Dustin characters? “When I took this job at the toy store, I didn’t realize there would be all these KIDS around! What the Hell?”
MW “You know, like calling on animals to rescue her and her friends from a hot air ballooning accident. Just normal, everyday stuff!”
Dustin A woman working in a comics book store? I used to think this strip took place during the late aughts, what with the lack of employment and all, but now I’m wondering if it’s set in the early nineties…
MGG Grimm looks absolutely haunted in that last panel over the very mention of a mirror. Do you think there’s a Dorian Grey situation going on here but, like, fat?
MW – Gotta admire Jeff’s tenacity. Acting interested in whatever Mary is saying has never gotten him a hand job, but he’s going to gol-darned keep trying. You go, Dr. Blue Balls. You are an inspiration.
One dog stands before a dawning day, the other, a black void. Two panels later, one dog, one soup, one look of horror, and the endless nothingness are all that remain. Eat the soup, Grimm. You have given me much to think about today.
Anyone besides Mary Worth and the King James Bible who uses the word “covet” today wins the 1986 Buick Skylark!
I don’t think Black And White looks that fat, for a dog/cat/hammerhead shark hybrid.
MW:
I see that Mary has acknowledged transgressing the Tenth Commandment by essentially admitting to “covet”ing something that Olive has.
Dustin is an old-school nerd, back before the term was embraced as a badge of honor. We know this because of the way his eyes turn solid black as soon as the clerk utters the word.
MG&G: If the not-Grimm animal has the fine motor skills to eat with a spoon, it can easily pick up the bowl and dump it on Grimm’s head. (Cat? Boston Terrier?)
DtM: You can chop leaves up by running the lawn mower through the pile. Oops!
RMMD: Exactly what Augie said the first time Summer took off her ponytail wig.
MW: I wish I had an obedient android boyfriend with a boat. Oh, hell, make it a yacht.
Dustin: How the hell does anyone take a job at a comic book store and not immediately realize that it’s a “nerdfest”? The Simpsons, Big Bang Theory, and actual comic book stores must not exist in this world. Which further supports my theory that this comic strip is trapped in 1978.
@Vice President John Adams: That too. “Nerd” hasn’t been an insult in a very, very long time.
Dustin: ‘So… can I still proposition you, or what?’
JP: I see the raspberry-haired brat has inherited her mother’s trait of snapping from morose pissyfaced snarkiness to wild-eyed mania on a dime.
Lemme guess, the brat’s going to race outside to try and catch a squirrel only–GASP and Surprise!–her mother is there to whisk her away to the next cloak-and-dagger set piece, as Neddy’s cabin ‘splodes real good in the distance.
S4th: I’m getting flashbacks. My mom made me a pumpkin costume almost exactly like that one when I was 4. As I recall her telling me, she loaned it to another parent at my preschool and they never returned it.
Luann: Oh boy, Dez is the ruler of Eco-City, isn’t she? Brace yourselves folks, we could be heading for another ‘Sun’ moment here…
Mary Worth Mashups: Five different missing final panels. Any of them represent your feelings about today’s strip?
Bizarro: Better hope Tuesday Chix doesn’t see today’s strip. She’ll either be all depressed someone stole her shtick or all horned up. Either way, I don’t wanna be there when it happens.
Slylock Fox:
OcToBer 22, 2025
sAnta ClaUs
1 ArCtiC ciRCLe
NoRTh PoLe
DeaR sAnta:
I aM a reasoNabLy inTelliGenT eigHT-yeAR oLD, anD I sEe thAt theRe arE aLReady Tv commerciALs depicTINg cHristmAs bEIng broADCAsT, so I fiGUre ThaT NoW iS as GooD a tiMe aS anY foR mE tO wriTE yoU with a ChriSTMas wiSH.
I haVe beeN a veRy GooD boY thIS yeAr and haveN’t MaDe fUN oF anY feLLOw commENTERs oR ComIc StrIP auThoRs, sO here’s My ReQuest. CaN yoU pLease SeE to iT thAt SLyLOcK fOx’s riDDLEs ArE a LiTtLE moRe ChaLLEngiNg? — I meAn, evEn a hALFway-sMarT TwO-yeAr OLD couLd sEe iN today’S panELs thaT the kiD haS a tuFT of haiR in thE bacK of His heaD iN the secoND anD thiRD paNELs buT noT the FirSt.
AnxiOUSLy HopIng FoR somE reLIEf hEre fRom YoU, I reMaiN:
CordiaLLY youRS,
BobBy TiCe
Pickles – Next Opal will confess that she has never LMAO.
MG&G: “I’m avoiding things that make me look fat. Like panel three.”
Dustin:
“No offense.”
“This is no time to be talking about the New York Jets’ yearlong lack of production when they have the ball.”
I admit Dustin being interested in a thing is weird but he’s interested in it in a really sad, sexist way that ensures his continued celibacy so that tracks at least.
In line with George Berkeley’s esse est percipi, the cat believes that there is no independent attribute or substance, such as fatness of fat, but it only comes into being when it is perceived. It is either radical idealism or body dysmorphia
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX:
It’s nice to see Pickles has decided to go head-to-head with Crankshaft. First one to generate a laugh ends the Universe!
Mother Goose and Grimm: And the dog and the cat have spoons in their bowls because. . . ?
I thought that Dustin was going to engage with the “girls can be nerds too” discourse of the late 2000s-early 2010s, which would have been appropriate since the strip started then and it is stuck in that time. But no, instead it’s the “only male losers have nerd interests”, which is the 1980s discourse, which is where comics writers are stuck
CS: I confess I kind of agree with Cra
“I didn’t realise when I took this job that it was gonna be such a nerdfest”. Wait, you took a job at a comic book store, what did you expect exactly?! Not to play the nerd smugness card but… you are not very bright, right?
CS: I confess to agree with Crankshaft about glitter on school busses. I’ll show myself to the door.
@A Grave Mind: Not so! “Covet” is also in the New International and English Standard Versions, and I’m pretty sure Brooke McEldowney uses it regu—okay, so that’s a bad example…
Mary Worth: Mary: “Blah blah blah blah lecture lecture lecture.” Jeff: “Oh, really?” Mary: “Blah blah blah blah lecture lecture lecture lecture.” Jeff. “That’s nice, dear.” Mary: Blah blah blah blah… wait, where are we, anyway?” Jeff: “About five miles from shore. Say, would you like to see the big, heavy concrete block I brought with us? I think you’ll understand its relevance immediately.”
Dustin: “It’s nice to see a woman working.” “Um… what?!” “Oh, sorry, I’ve been reading this book called How to Pick Up Chicks With This New Thing Called Feminism. It was written in 1965.”
Mother Goose and Grimm: In the traditional joke, the thing that makes you look fat is… pants. So no worries for these two!
@Baja Gaijin: The last. Definitely the last.
I’m torn between hope this hagiography ends quickly, and dread that it will and Monday will start a new Wilbur story.
Mary Worth: “Sounds like someone we can all learn from.” [Steers boat directly into supertanker, resulting in a fiery explosion]
@15 Baja Gaijin:
Hmm. I’ll go with vengeful air conditioner.
“I missed her in New York but I won’t miss her now!”
Are the rules that if you read/purchase comics you’re automatically a nerd? Nothing else?
Also Mary Worth: Remember when the person being lionized by Mary would appear as a giant floating head on the horizon, and then they would be done with the boring praise and lesson-learning? Well, those days are done. You will be punished for your crimes by a week of “Olive is good, actually.” You’re welcome.
Phantom: “I could get to the General and make the arrest! — I know I could!”
Oh, this is just adorable. Patrolwoman Shun-Li, you are five foot two and have the figure and proportional musculature of a 14 year old Japanese schoolboy. But DO try, we could use the laughs.
BF: The last thing you want your daughter’s boyfriend to see is how she’ll end up when she hits fifty. One look at Blonde Friend fresh out of bed on Christmas morning will send him screaming and making a run for the Yukon Territory.
Also, your fancy Xmas breakfast plan yesterday is really stupid, unless you want to spend the entire holiday morning sweating over skillets of pancakes and fried potatoes. Buy a stollen from a reputable German bakery, make a fruit salad, and brew plenty of coffee.
JP: panel two: Well, somebody around here’s going to be a stone hottie in about twelve years.
@Baja Gaijin: MG&G: It looks like Grimm and Atilla are in desparate need of some late thread cuisine this morning.
Dustin: The narrative possibilities here are “Dustin fails to accept being called a nerd as a compliment” and/or “Dustin gets a girlfriend,” neither of which help on the plausibility scale, nor honestly the interest meter. Sorry, Dustin: the many ways in which your family are hateful toward one another are far more entertaining than your love life ever will be!
MG&G — Just remember, when you look into the comic strip void, the comic strip void starts following you everywhere. . .
Mary, you keep getting on that boat to monologue at your platonic lover about whoever it is who most recently took all of your attention. You have no idea what a “normal, everyday way” is.
***
Did Dustin think he’s a jock?
@Baja Gaijin: the last represents my feelings, which is why what I *really* want to have as the final panel is the air conditioner smashing them.
Curtis Speaking of smashing, they should be grateful Curtis’ carelessness got them to narrowly avoid having a device planted in their room to destroy their sleep and feed their screen addiction!
I would like Mother Goose and Grimm to consider trying out a facial expression that says “I am delivering a wacky zinger” instead of “I am experiencing existential dread.” Just once. See how it feels.
Mother Goose & Grimm: It’s kind of a Vaudeville joke, but the delivery makes it… discomfitting. It discomfits me.
First, it splits a quick punchline into two panels, slowing everything down in a creepy, unnatural way. It was an honest attempt at modifying a fairly basic gag into a three-panel newspaper strip format, but the timing’s off. As a result, it feels like Grimm is taking the time to slowly rotate his head, look at the reader, lower his voice, and whisper, “Mirrors?”
At the same time, Grimmy stands in a void as old and bleak as time. He breaks the fourth wall and stares into our souls as he speaks. It’s more like the start of an abstract cosmic horror novel about a dog’s fear of his own reflection than it is a joke.
Honestly, that sounds rad. Let’s read that instead.
MW: Mary realizes she just painted a picture of Olive which could have been included in The Acts of the Apostles and tries to walk it back: “and also helps others in Uh,…in a normal everyday way!”
RMMD-Dear Penthouse…
MW-“This Olive sounds like a ‘special’ girl.”
FC-“Pay the water bill.”
FC: Let’s see, no window guard, rickety stool, we’re almost there.
DtM: Every year Wilson forgets that he tells himself to rake the leaves over a pile of dog shit next year.
@pugfuggly: @Banana Jr. 6000: Dustin: Also, he goes to fern bars, and his father wears a suit and tie to work every day. Honestly, if you’re a cartoonist whose perceptions of society haven’t changed since 1985, why not just set the strip in that year? It’s not like you’re winning over younger readers as it is.
Girl in Dustin didn’t know that nerds like comic books?
(Tune in next week when she gets a job as a bartender!)
“People get drunk in bars? Ewwwww!”
@Baja Gaijin: Air conditioner. The bigger the better!
MW: “For instance, you could sell this ridiculous boat and put the money in the church Poor Box.”
RMMD: “What do you think of releasing your novel in serial form? Monthly magazines are the coming thing! I’ve already gotten some interest from Collier’s and Liberty.”
@Tabby Lavalamp:
On Dustin : I’m reminded of a storyline where Dustin got a job, his colleagues invited him to join their weekly Dungeons and Dragons game, and the entire storyline was Dustin going “I guess I’ll get fired on purpose from that job then, because even my unemployed, single*, friendless loser self is still less of a loser than someone with a job, a girlfriend, friends they meet weekly, but PLAY DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS”
*There was a weird insistence that the D&D nerds had girlfriends who disapproved of their hobby, but were still steady with them.
Anyway, as said before, it’s weird that a girl would take a job at a comic book shop, but be all “EW GROSS COMIC BOOK READING NERDS”.
*************
Crankshaft : “Crankshaft, you can’t ban kids from getting on your bus just because they’re covered in glitter!” “Why not!?” “Because, then the parents of the kids who DON’T cover themselves in glitter will notice you’re not picking up their kids either, and they’ll complain! You have no idea how hard it is to fend off a helicopter parent when they’re in ‘BUT MY KID FOLLOWED ALL THE RULES’ mode.”
*************
Frazz : the kid antagonising Mrs Olsen is a non-Caufield because the cartoonist realised that unloading profanity over being incapable of doing ELEMENTARY SCHOOL MATH is something that would DEFINITELY belie his supposed genius.
*************
Mary Worth : So, Mary is all-in on Olive’s ESP being real, huh? Though it’s weird she’s going all “she’ll use her powers discretely, so as to not upset the status quo” : Olive’s powers are a “sixth sense” and telepathy, not very flashy or noticeable stuff; it’s not like she can fly and level buildings with a wave of her hand!
Thanks for the reminder to re-read Roger Zelazny’s A Night in the Lonesome October.
MW: As they discuss Olive’s gifts, Jeff and Mary shiver as an ill wind suddenly blows over them from the east and gasp in horror as the wide expanse of water around them transforms into an impenetrable cornfield.
@Tom T.: Hell, between Stranger Things and Gen X hitting its middle-aged nostalgia phase, setting the strip in the 80s would probably give it a boost in popularity. At least until everyone realized all the characters were miserable assholes.
MW: Olive goes on to become the most boring of the X-men.
Dustin: I’d like Dustin to meet a young woman who actually likes him and gently helps him get his shit together. It’s time for a change and it could be done without some kind of stupid time jump.
Dustin: No, no, don’t tell Dustin “no offense”! He’ll think you’re flirting with him!
It’s a tight race, but “Dustin is a loser who can’t get a date” may be the strip’s most repulsive running gag. Pretty much every joke in the comic springs from a well of mean-spirited cruelty, but that one also makes use of its underlying misogyny (“women are shallow, superficial gold-diggers who treat you like crap if you’re not a muscle-bound hunk in a Ferrari”) and has Dustin behaving in ways that are at best socially tone-deaf and at worst outright harassment.
MW: And WHAT, pray tell, are we supposed to learn from Olive? It’s okay to swim into a riptide and risk drowning if it will make the popular girls like you? Practice your telepathic communication with animals so you can call for help if you’re in an area with no phone service? Ignore the red flags from the mentor who is a little too interested in spending time alone with you?
@Baja Gaijin: The last one is great. Where did you snag that?
@Baja Gaijin
Jeff speaks for all of us in that last one:
@Tom T.: Yeah, the only sign that the strip is set in the 21st century is that the obnoxious sister is always looking at her phone instead of listening to a Walkman ™. The creators are right up there with Karen Moy and Terry Beatty and the Evanses in apparently living in a world that modern reality can’t penetrate,
Dustin: As far as female nerds, I give you T.J. Burnside Clapp, one of the first Star Wars cosplayers, when the franchise was a single movie.
Oh, and to get it authentic to detail, there were no pause/play on the movie, no internet, and limited stills available.
DT: I like to think the prison guard actually said “yawn” sarcastically. “Oh, ho-hum, another inmate permanently traumatized by the cruelty of the for-profit carceral system! There any Reese’s cups left in the vending machine?”
GT: Apparently the only thing needed to solve budgeting problems in school is small-scale cultural cuisine. Forget bake sales, fry bread and tamales served from the back of a hatchback, that’s the future of fundraising!
HotC: Love the costume, Heart–always happy to see the younger generation appreciating the classics–but you need to add a strategically placed pair of rolled-up socks.
JP: Once again, I am BEGGING writers who have child characters to do at least a little research into developmental stages. Charlotte is supposed to be five or six; kids that age are learning how to spell “cat” and “dog,” not write stories about them.
Neddy’s absolutely going to promise to get her a squirrel, even though that’s stupid and possibly illegal, right? She’ll decide this is the solution to everything just because it’s the only time the kid’s smiled this entire arc.
MT: How is she going to get the money to buy the Pitt sisters out? She’s obviously been in a coma since 2009.
JP: Hooboy! That sure came outta nowhere! I hope they realize that Dude the Squirrel is long retired to the Old Comics Characters Home, Wildlife Section. He’s almost as old as Walt Wallet in Squirrel years. And Rocket J. Squirrel, who graciously appeared in Hagar on Monday, is booked up for weeks on the minor ComicCon circuit. Guess we’ll just have to find a break-out Star from our plethora of Squirrel talent… that is, if they continue with this cockamamie idea.
We already have Melody Mare lined up for a cameo, since the juvenile has been promised Horsey rides. I guess Melody is still willing to do it – although she’s a little P.O.ed with us over the Hagar thing… But she never misses a chance to go visit Spencer Farms — I hear she’s close to a deal to buy the place…
@Little Guy: The first franchise-related fanzine was Spockinalia, edited by Devra Langsam and Sherna Comerford. It’s possible Roddenberry’s little sci-fi show might have faded into obscurity if it weren’t for the sheer number of ladies writing letters and organizing conventions and writing utterly obscene Pon Farr fiction.
Really though, Mary Wollstonecraft Shelly did not codify an entire genre and bang Percy on her mother’s grave for sci-fi to be labeled a guy thing.
Dustbin 1: My local comic shop has been co-owned by a woman for more than 25 years.
Dustbin 2: Is this one of those “meet cute” things I’ve heard about?
GT: Today on Non Sequitur Theater, it’s “Gil Thorp”:
“I’ve approved the budget for the reunion ceremony.”
“Leo’s fried bread business is really taking off.”
“The board says Toby can stay on the team.”
“I like soup.”
“Gil, are you sure you feel alright?”
“My new student can control dogs with the power of love.”
“Ok, I’m calling 911.”
Dustin-I hate how comic strip writers delve into old outdated stereotypes.
Mary Worth: Every time we get one of these “epilogue” sequences where Mary makes Dr. Jeff putter her around the bay as if he’s her manservant, I feel a strong desire to see him push her overboard and than repeatedly run her over with his boat.
Dustin: In yet another example of how thoroughly alienated from other humans newspaper comic writers tend to be, the writer of Dustin’s knowledge of comic books and their fandoms begins and ends with terrible 80s Hollywood tropes about what “nerds” act like. As part of that, he treats the idea of women being interested in comics as if its some weird new phenomena showing how #Woke the current times are and not something that’s been happening probably since the medium was invented.
Mother Goose And Grimm: Speaking of comic books, Grimm has apparently decided to recreate the famous scene from Grant Morrison’s Animal Man where the titular superhero sees through the fourth wall and realizes he’s a fictional character. “MY GOD!! I SEE YOU!!! You thought that joke was funny, right?”
@TheDiva: The next big plot twist: Charlotte gets bubonic plague.
CS: So Lena makes a big stink about Ed’s no glitter rule but for years has ignored all of his many other fireable offenses.
FC: Shouldn’t an average seven year old be tall enough to reach out of that window without the aid of a stool?
Dustin: Reminds me of an article about comic book stores the Houston Chronicle ran over 30 years ago. A female customer said she frequented the store because of the extremely favorable men to women ratio. However, the article noted that despite her going there for years, she had yet to date one of the male customers, let alone get into a relationship.
Eewww! Nerds!
@TheDiva: …for sci-fi to be labeled a guy thing. Attendance at sci-fi cons in the late 70s and early 80s confirms that.
Dustin: Keep the art.
Replace the word “nerdfest” with the word “sausage fest”.
How does it change your reaction?
@Guillermo el Chiclero: An ex-girlfriend did postdoc work at Cal Tech. She said that another female student there told her, commenting on the male-to-female ratio, “The odds are good, but the goods are odd.”
@Ken: #68: Another big plot twist: The squirrel bites Charlotte and gives her rabies. Then she bites Neddy and all of the Parkers, Spencers, and Drivers and gives them rabies. They all turn feral and government animal control officers have to put them down.
Seriously, was today’s Dustin just cut and pasted from Big Bang Theory? Seems like they MUST have made this joke before?
@Guillermo el Chiclero:
On Crankshaft never getting fired despite being purposefully terrible at his job all the time : it’s weird, because I feel as if the Funkyshaftverse has establish that certain occupations (bank/mailroom clerk, bus driver, etc.) actually have “be as unhelpful and purposefully terrible at your job” as their actual goal. Like, Crankshaft is SUPPOSED TO actively drive past kids without picking them up while maneuvering the bus to destroy as much property as possible.
@Guillermo el Chiclero:
Judge Parker turning into 28 days later for Halloween would be nice, yeah.
Dustin2: If the Dustin strip-generator (I will not call them a “cartoonist) thinks comic book readers are nerds, what do they think about people who still read newspaper comics?
MG&G: Interesting that Mother Goose (?) has provided spoons with the bowls of brown glop, as if she’s convinced herself that Grimm and [consults Wikipedia] Attila are actually the children she never had and possibly could never have had because of some undisclosed backstory bit about infertility or The One Who Got Away. Or maybe they just jammed their opposable-thumbs-lacking paws into the flatware drawer and got spoons for themselves because they share Mother Goose’s delusion about their humanity. Either way, mmmm, that brown glop sure does look tasty. At least by Mary Worth standards.
Doonesbury Classics: “Oh, my God! B.D. lost his helmet!” That was my exact reaction the first time I read this strip. It took me a while to notice the other thing.
Fred Basset Spanish to English.