I guess if you learn things about him in conversation, he becomes less unknown and it kills the vibe
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The Phantom, 11/7/25
The Jungle Patrol, like most military and paramilitary outfits, is mostly composed of young people, but the nature of those young people of course changes as we drift through comic book time. Back in the ’00s, their recruits were mostly spunky, idealistic millennial lady cops and waitresses. But today, the zoomer junior officers of the Patrol have no experience talking on the phone and cannot overcome their social anxiety enough to build professional rapport with their Unknown Commander. Sad!
Blondie, 11/7/25
Kudos to the local news for not actually showing the grotesque imagery of magnified fast food and instead merely playing audio of the scientists’ horrified reaction. With Dagwood in town, they clearly know that they need to tread carefully when it comes to food-related news. On the other hand, the news team apparently lacks advanced studio equipment like “teleprompters,” forcing their anchors to simply read the news off a visible piece of paper, so it may be that they simply did not have the capacity to transmit other video content to their viewers.
Mary Worth, 11/7/25
Sorry I haven’t been keeping you up to date on what’s been happening in Mary Worth, so I’ll recap: Toby met a parrot and then spent 72 hours trying to think of a name for it. This is the best she could come up with.
61 replies to “I guess if you learn things about him in conversation, he becomes less unknown and it kills the vibe”
Mark Trail Mashup: What if the thought bubble had different contents…?
Blondie-“Give me another ‘Missing Health Inspector’ special!”
RMMD-Have you gotten beyond the first page in the book?
RMMD-“I have no idea what to think unless someone tells me what to think.”
FC-“Are you sure you’re not here for my mommy instead?”
Archie-Ms. Grundy, put some water in the bucket.
Phantom: “Small talk, gotta think of some small talk… Um, just between the two of us, Commander, do you consider Colonel Worubu to be as big a simp as all of us enlisted folks in the Jungle Patrol do?”
MW: Toby to Bird: “I’ll call you ‘Sunny’, because you like sunflower seeds!”
Bird to Toby: “And I’ll call you ‘Sunny’ too, because when I look into one of your ears I can see the sun shining into the other one!”
MW: Is Toby going to pour the seeds out or is she going to leave them in the bag for the parrot to possibly get it’s head or wings stuck?
Ph: Boy that would have been awkward if our young Omondi had said that instead of just thinking it. But he didn’t, so….yeah.
Blondie Some days this strip feels like the prequel to Soylent Green.
MW I was going to make a joke about Mary Worth lifting plots from Stardew Valley, but Toby, you are no Emily. Honestly, you’re not even a Penny.
MW:
Most people: “You are not a native species. Maybe we should try and find your owner so you don’t die of exposure.”
Toby: “Have a nice day.”
Blondie: The TV is showing the microscope view. Lou’s food is so contaminated that the bacteria have evolved to the point that they have their own society and technology and ratings-chasing shock-and-gore local TV news studios.
Blondie: I don’t blame Dagwood for dismissing a doctor whose response to microscopy is “Yikes!” and “Yucky!”
MW:
“I’ll call you ‘Sunny’ because you ended up in a tree — just like Mr. Bono!”
Kudos to Lou for being thematically consistent by mounting the TV where it can be seen by him alone, and not the customers at the counter. He doesn’t respect his clientele’s taste buds or gastrointestinal needs, so why should he care if they’re entertained? Let them watch him watching TV while his terrible food burns!
Phantom:
“While I’m waiting, I’m going to have a ‘Duran Duran’ snack, because I’m famished, just like my companion Devil here.”
“Er…why do you call it a ‘Duran Duran’ snack, sir?”
“I’m hungry, like the wolf!”
Phantom:
“Let’s engage in some light banter while I’m holding here, Omondi. Omondi, I’m going to see to it that you’re presented with the Barry Manilow Award for selfless public service!”
“W-why the ‘Barry Manilow Award,’ Commander, sir?”
“Omondi, well you came and you gave without taking, but I sent you away; Omondi, well, you’ve missed me, and stopped me from shaking, and I need you today, Omondi.”
CS: Don’t do us no favors, Batty.
RMMD: Good grief, Blondie! That ponytail must be giving you a brain bleed because you are approaching Toby, or dare I say Luann, levels of intelligence here. This guy stole your traumatizing experience to make bank and, to add insult to injury, would apparently rather ‘grade papers’ than service you! If you don’t smack him full in the face with that 300 page slashfic the next time you see him, you deserve whatever’s coming to you.
Luann: Of *course* the Magic Negro’s magic negro-ness is the only thing that gets the traumatized dog to calm down in a confined space with four crazies. Of *course*…
Phantom: He’s going to start humming a Muzak version of “The Girl from Ipanema”, isn’t he?
DT: Stop the presses! This was actually…. a very good mystery. Learned something new, and I see what the murder victim did with chess notation (! for the Caesar Cipher Shift and ? for the letters of the murderer’s name).
GT: And here I hoped, since we’re in the hormonal highschool era, the Origin Story of the “Thorp Special” wasn’t going to include football.
yCurtis: Greg is the only person that would take a genuine compliment by his son and react with side-eye fourth-wall-breaking snark.
GA: HAW HAW! Big fancy words are funny! They also sound offensive!
MW: “I’d have preferred to be called Hempy,’ if you get my drift.”
You’d think a chirping parrot would be called “Chirp”.
@Little Guy:
Curtis:
Dad Wilkins is one of the more unpleasant characters in the comics and it’s surprising why more people don’t realise it. He keeps moaning about money and yet smokes in front of his family, not just burning money but forcing his wife and kids to breathe his poison fumes. He can’t stop pretending to be superior to the things his son is enthusiastic about, yet he never attempts to show what’s good in what *he* likes. And half the time even Curtis is more egalitarian and progressive than he is.
@Baja Gaijin:
I stopped reading Murky Tail years ago but going by the expression on Reddie’s face I’m already supporting the feral pigs.
DtM: Why is it that Joey is in so many of these sitting-in-the-corner gags? When I ground my kid, I tell the neighbor kids that he can’t play right now. What I don’t let the neighbor kids into the house to shame and embarrass mine. Then again, my kid doesn’t constantly, cruelly, relentlessly criticize my cooking at every opportunity while my spouse sits there silently smirking, so who am I to judge?
Mary Worth: Uh, Toby is aware that parrots are not native to SoCal, right? Clearly this parrot is not wild and is an escaped pet or zoo resident. And she’s just going to leave it there?
MW: Sunny is indeed an escapee — from the college’s English Department — and flies off squawking, “Why did I marry such a dingbat?”
MW: Oh, I get it. The parrot is actually SAYING the word “Chirp” ironically. He can also say, “Tweet,” “Whoo,” and “Cluck Cluck,” which will confuse the crap out of Toby.
RMMD: Summer is upset because SHE was going to write a book about the stalker experience. She’s already started drawing the stick figures.
9CL: Apparently, a couple must be legally joined to subject a paying audience to their slobbering PDA. It’s nice when there are standards.
GT: “But first, let’s get some ice on those faces. You all look like you’ve been cleated!”
PHANTOM: All I can think of is how hot that painted-on superhero garb would be in a jungle. It doesn’t look like it breathes at all!
Blondie – The Kent Brockman-wannabe is actually reading a menu from Lou’s, where today’s specials are Yikes and Yucky.
@Powers: Not to worry, because in true Hollywood/Lifetime/Hallmark fashion, by this act of kindness Toby will cause ‘Sunny’ to imprint upon her and follow her home.
@Ukranazi Stepan: Isn’t Chirp Hi and Lois’ oldest son?
Rex Morgan, MILF Diver – Just wait until Summer gets to the part about the stalker having a cock ring.
@Powers: Maybe not native, but parrots turn out to be adaptable and can live as far north as Chicago.
MW: Sunny, whose real name is Sonny, is a pet bird taking flight from his mafia boss owner and the mobsters who are out to kill him, who is desperately hoping to turn state’s evidence to get into a witness protection program under an assumed name. He’s already singing like a canary.
Mary Worth: I kind of enjoy the idea that Toby experiences non-comic time, just sitting there day after day, blankly staring at this parrot as nothing comes to mind for a name. I mean, I really enjoy it. If we have to suffer through Mary Worth’s endless foot-dragging, so should its characters.
“I’ll call you Sunny, because you like sunflower seeds! I guess they should call me… Alcoholy! Ahahaha! Well, actually Mary insists that calling myself an alcoholic would be a first step or something like that”
Of course Dagwood doesn’t want to know the ingredients or effects of food. He has a picture in the attic that gets fat instead of him, so recognising it would inimical to his deal with the Devil!
@Guillermo el chiclero: “…or is she going to leave them in the bag for the parrot to possibly get it’s head or wings stuck?”
Mary: Dr. Ed! How are you?
Ed: I don’t know, Mary. I don’t know if I can keep on being a veterinarian. Just today I had to provide mouth-to-beak on a parrot that nearly suffocated in a bag of sunflower seeds.
Mary: That sounds awful!
Ed: The worst part was they were Bigs’ Takis Fuego Hot Chile & Lime flavor. Do you know how much salt is in that stuff? The poor little thing was suffering from saline poisoning. We attempted to rehydrate it intravenously but the osmotic reaction caused water to flow into its brain cells. It died from a cerebral edema. Scanners-style.
Mary: What the fuck?! That’s a thing that can happen? Why are you telling me this? I don’t want to know all this! I don’t have any aphorisms for this!
Phantom – The young Jungle Patroller has an inspiration and adopts a robotic-sounding voice. “Your call is important to us. Please continue to hold for… THE COLONEL… or press Pound at any time if you would like to leave a message.”
Don Abundio, translated:
“The boss is back from his poker game”
“Did you win, Don Abundio?”
“Yeah. About $150”
“How nice! You must be feeling good!”
“A little itchy”
“I packed too many aces!”
The parrot is actually called “Sunny” because he is the reincarnation of Aurelian, who established the cult of Sol Invictus. The restoration of Rome will arrive soon!
Blondie: “I’ll take an Ignorance-Is-Bliss Special!”
“Wit Whiz or witout?”
[Looks at Dagwood, who nods.] “Wit.”
“Extra Listeria?”
“Customer’s hungry, Chef. Pick up the pace!”
“Order up!”
BF – “In fact, when you come to think about it, a child is really just another kind of gold-digger.”
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: Alt joke: “I’ll take an Ignorance-Is-Bliss Special!” “This isn’t Arby’s, you know!”
“Mary, I have a new friend! He’s a parrot, he follows me and repeats mindlessly what I say!”
“How cute! You have your own Toby!”
@Hibbleton: #6: My partner brought a Quaker parakeet (small parrot) into the relationship with him, 27 years ago. Meanest little shit you ever saw – it only liked him. While researching the breed ( to see how long it would live) I learned that there are wild flocks in cities as far North as Chicago and New York. No sightings in Ohio, thank God. Pete has since gone to his reward. ( I didn’t kill him)
The Phantom: The Ghost Who Gets Excellent Reception And 5G Service.
Now that I think about it, Dagwood is the opposite what Plato considers worthy in a man: ignorance is bliss, governed by base instincts, disinterested in eternal forms, wage slave, in a heterosexual loving marriage…
@Baja Gaijin: It’s too early in the morning for this.
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: Phantom: The Ghost with No Forehead.
MW Even if Toby is too dumb to think the bird will have trouble getting the seeds from the bag (everybody calls her ‘bird-brain’, yet she can, so of course birdie will too!), she ought to dump out the seeds in order to, y’know, not litter with the bag. She apparently failed those kindergarten lessons, folks!
@MKay: Pete has since gone to his reward.
Just to clarify – Pete was the parrot, not your partner, right?
@Liam: Blondie: “Give me another ‘Slime i the Ice Machine’ special!” — in memory of Marvin Zindler, Eye Witness News.
@pugfuggly:
Ph: Boy that would have been awkward if our young Omondi had said that instead of just thinking it. But he didn’t, so….yeah.
Well, in MANGA, “thought bubbles” are often used to depict stage whispering instead of thinking, so maybe Omondi actually said that stuff under his breath, but not softly enough for the Ghost who Walks to not hear it… if this WERE a manga, which it isn’t.
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@The Quiet Man:
On Luann : Well, the strip is seemingly totally unwilling to
admitdepict Dez as being in the wrong, so… ALSO : Of course the dog is the exact kind of cute pocket dog the other three wanted, and not a big, ugly old dog like they feared (and that Dez was pontificating about how they have to accept anyway).*********
On Crankshaft : “Why did you keep doing comics even after you retired?” “It’s the only job I know.” …no lie detected. (Bat
iukTON THOMAS is still dodging the “why one comic rather than the other?” “Why did you retire”, because he doesn’t want to admit “THE SYNDICATE FORCED ME TO RETIRE, AND WOULD HAVE CANCELLED *BOTH* STRIPS IF IT HADN’T TURNED OUT ANOTHER SYNDICATE OWNED PUBLISHING RIGHTS TO ONE”)…Too far?…**********
Dustin : …I’m waiting for this “DustinSister dates only horrible losers” angle to start being juxtaposed with “Dustin can’t get a date because women immediately know he’s a horrible losers, and we all know women NEVER date those!” and “DustinSister routinely ridicules her brother for being a horrible loser”.
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Frazz : Oh wow, Caufield REALISED he was blatantly wrong, and is embarassed for saying stupid shit! Mark your calendars everybody!
Mary Worth: Are we going to find out she got roofied or something? This is getting to stupid it’s becoming scary.
MW: Toby can figure out how to get sunflower seeds out of the bag and the parrot is smarter than Toby.
@MKay: Although this *is* a single bird who isn’t afraid to go up to a person (hey, *it* doesn’t know it’s just Toby!), so if I saw that happening I’d still wonder if it was a lost bird instead of part of a feral flock and probably look for lost pet ads to report it to.
MW (one month from today): “Of course I love you Ian! But Sunny and I have so much in common! It’s like we have the same mind, the same brain!”
@Bob Tice: “I’ll call you ‘Sunny’ because you ended up in a tree — just like Mr. Bono!”
Ouch!
MW:
Sunny speaks: “Bwaack! Nevermore!”
“Stay in your lane, Bub.” Says Toby.
@Lord Flatulence:
Stable? She was introduced as a mysterious person who was NEVER THERE, always leaving Bernice holding the bag for wild dorm parties! Then, she became an on-panel character, but her role was STILL to always leave Bernice holding the bag for wild dorm parties. Then, she became the weirdo hippie friend who’s always off doing weird stuff, like having a small plot of land next to highway as a “secret (tomato) garden” or doing meditation/yoga/callisthenics in the nude!
She was always “wise”, but in the “weirdo mystic witch-lady who uses strange magicks” kind of way.
Mary Worth: Pets continue to infiltrate and conquer Charterstone from within, and Olive, the all-powerful Beast Queen, is nowhere to be found! Surely this will lead to conflict, chaos, and drama!
Or sunflower seeds. I guess parrots like sunflower seeds, so yeah, we could do a story about that.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: My partner still lives. I haven’t killed him, either.
@Bob Tice: Truly funny. I can picture a music video with Barry Manilow playing a piano while crooning this out.
MW: Moy must have gotten letters from her loyal reader complaining that the balloon scene was too tense, so decided to tone it down to “50 mg of valium” levels. Next week: Toby stands up.
MW – Damn, Moy is really leaning into the incorrect onomatopoeia here. I’m surprised Toby didn’t name the parrot Chirpy.
Fast food is not healthy eating, but damn it, I would like to challenge Blondie‘s crack team of writing interns to look at the ingredients of a Big Mac and a home-made burger under a microscope and tell me they can tell the difference. You would need to do a chemical analysis to really find the unhealthier parts (and a home-made burger isn’t doing you any favours either). Yes, I’m getting pedantic over science in a newspaper comic strip gag.
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At this point I think Karen Moy is actively lashing out at us for making fun of Wilbur stories.