In these times
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Luann, 3/3/26
Look, man, I get that comic strip time is in some ways just an insurmountable problem for strips where the characters don’t really age, but the way you get around this problem is by just kind of ignoring it and not by having your character mention the impact that an important historical event that happened 25 years ago had on their career journey. Is Brad in his mid 40s now? Is Luann a period piece that takes place sometime before 2012 or so? Does Luann take place in an alternate universe where 9/11 happened in, like, 2019? Those are the three options, and you brought this on yourself by being specific, Luann.
Mary Worth, 3/3/26
“That’s just the way of the world these days! No doubt she’s spending her time convincing a much older man that she’s his girlfriend and getting him to send her intermittent Venmo payments. That’s the 21st century for you!”
Pluggers, 3/3/26
BIG NEWS: Pluggers have heard about ChatGPT and they think it’s for … finding mayonnaise? We might have to consider shutting down human society and technological advances entirely until we can figure out what’s going on.
74 replies to “In these times”
Pluggers: Wilbur Weston needs neither a wife nor a ChatGPT to find the mayo.
I never realized until this day that the goal in life is to make it cradle to grave without hearing Mary Worth tell a handsome (?) bachelor her own age “I can cook up a nice spread.”
Today’s Pluggers is very much like that old SNL sketch about Alexa Silver for seniors.
“Where’s the mayonnaise, chat?”
“I’d like to help, but as a large language model, I don’t know where you are.”
“Sure ya do! You’re always tracking me on this web thing! You know dang well I’m at the Piggly Wiggly!”
“While I don’t know which location you’re in, or the floorplan of specific grocery stores, mayonnaise is typically found in the same aisle as other condiments or salad dressing–”
“I don’t want any salad, gol dangit! May! O! Naisse!”
“*sigh* Have you tried asking your dog-wife?”
In an alternate comics universe, 9-11 didn’t happen; but Brad is still a fireman. He read Fahrenheit 451.
DT: In the middle of the prison break / riot one of the critical missions is to drop a whip ?! Is this a super power thing ?
GT: Credit to the coach for going on the show and taking on the obvious questions but was that event like seasons ago? Marty Moon definite bleeped out the other comment using the 7 second delay.
JP: All of this time, April has been searching through her mind. Where has she met this “Bogdan” before? People can change their looks, even their voices but the distance between the eyes is fixed and odd bits of language and phrasing. Nonverbal clues as well. She’s seen this guy before. They will stop the truck and have “Bogdan” step out …
MW: Please let the big twist be that Sharon, the daughter, hired the catfisher to con her dad to (a) teach him a sorely needed message, (b) get back at him for years of frittering away money on ascots from around the world, (c) get his money because she needs that money now when she is still sorta-young.
Phantom: Does General Chum and the Jungle Patrol all shop at the same place or outsource to Cinta for their garb?
RMMD: Isn’t there like a diner in town that is probably open? You know, run by people he knows? Or is Mud hoping to hook up with some waitress?
I saw the “Hey Chat” and thought that this was going to be about Pluggers as Twitch IRL streamers. My disappointment is immeasurable.
Wrecks Moregone:
Lorna (wanders in, sees Help Wanted sign)
(to herself): “This is my chance to reprise my role in Table For Two that almost landed me an Oscar nomination!”
Doug: “Is that right? What role did you do?”
Lorna: “The hooker with a heart of gold who lands the motel owner. Is that you?”
MW: Sharon is catfishing Wilbur. That’s why she doesn’t want to come visit her dad at Charterstone.
Luan: Oh I get it: when Brad says ‘blob’ he means a mass of indifferentiated on his mother’s womb, which was affected psychically by 9/11, setting his destiny as a fireman. There, timeline fixed!
MW Mary just beside herself in that last panel “Estranged daughter? Could this be a twofer? Toby, put some coffee on we’re going to be planning late into the night…”
Dagnit, Pluggers, why couldn’t you have made the wife a cat? There was a perfectly good chat/chat joke that you just left on the table!
GT Since coach Thorp “supported” Gerads? Milford is so deeply entrenched in the Thorpian personality cult that black is white! war is peace! sending your unrepentant assaulter onto the field against your team to “act intimidating” is supportive!
There’s something a little fishy about Ken “Trixie” Lynch. Go to any box store and you’ll see Pluggers using the store app to find exactly where every item being sold is located.
@Hibbleton: maybe he was referring to the Public Enemy hit “911’s a joke” which inspired him to improve the quality of emergency services in underprivileged neighborhoods?
Pluggers: Addressing your phone as “chat” isn’t really an AI thing, but a Twitch streamer thing. Sure, most Twitch streams are about watching roided-up young fascists or oily-bosomed OnlyFans models play Call of Duty, but it’s a big place, and I’m sure there are some viewers who form parasocial relationships with retired truckers livestreaming their weekly WalMart trip.
MW: Provided Sharon isn’t living in an ashram in Tibet and rejecting all things material, she will DEFINITELY make an appearance when she hears Dad is frittering away her inheritance.
PLUGGERS: Of course, there are those signs over each aisle. There have ALWAYS been those signs over each aisle.
I have no idea if ChatGPT has voice activation or if it responds to “Hey chat,” but on the other hand I spend a bunch of time watching some Twitch streamers who do say “Hey chat” when they want the collective audience to figure something out for them, and to me the scenario in this strip feels entirely plausible – said streamers all have stories about getting in trouble with their loved ones by accidentally calling them “chat.” It may be that Ken Lynch misunderstood something he overheard.
MW: “It must be HARD to be so far from loved ones!” Except for Mary. I think this would be the perfect moment to reintroduce Mary’s son and grandson.
Crankshaft story odds:
+10000 An identifiable regular character makes a major life announcement where it’s reasonable to be trepidatious about informing elderly parents
+500 Mason Jarre has given Max and Hannah some kind of promotion in his movie theater
+300 They’re going back to their jobs at Channel 1 airing John Darling reruns
+200 Hannah is pregnant again, even though she’s already been knocked up once in their movie theater, and they never needed need mom’s permision for that
+150 This is somehow about Cindy Summers’ never-resolved pregnancy
-10000 This is something about Lisa
-50000 They won an award
-1000000 Max wants to buy comic books
The issue with today’s Luann is not so much the chronology as that these characters’ smug insufferabilty could power the entire Eastern Seaboard, but is instead being misused to power THE ENGINE OF IMPLACABLE HATE THAT BURNS WITHIN ME, EVER GRINDING AWAY until it produces this comment. Hi friends!
@Amelie Wikström: But would a plugger misunderstand some overheard reference to contemporary life like that? [haha yes]
Years back, the local Stop & Shop spent several months rearranging all their aisles, just because. When they realized their customers were Pluggers (The brass has never been in the store in the daytime) they hung laminated product lists for the whole store at the end of each aisle. A few months later, when most of us had found them, life got a bit easier, yessirree.
Luann: Brad answers Wesley’s historic ordination question before board of Methodist elders:
Q: Are you going on in perfection?
A: I believe that in Toni Daytona I can be made perfect.
Q: Do you expect to made perfect in love in this life?
A: What, like losing my virginity?
Q: Are you earnestly striving after it?
A: I mean, yeah, in the empty parking lots of amusement parks, and whenever TJ’s not around.
Q: Okay, you just failed the examination.
A: I was drawn to be horny yet unfulfilled!
Q: Go be a Baptist, or die, it’s all the same to us.
A: …
You’re a Plugger if a lifetime of working with your hands has turned them into twisted claws, which can barely use a touch-screen phone.
Pluggers: “Hey Chat, where’s the mayo?” “Look in the mirror.”
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: That is brilliant and also horrifying.
@Guts Dozier: The John Deere cap is a nice touch in that regard.
MW: I kinda feel bad for the scammer. What’s gonna happen to him when his captors find out he’s been catfishing a geriatric android with a bum neck servo this whole time?
Phantom: That side-eye from the colonel tells me that—Patrolwoman Dai’s paeons to freedom and democracy aside—having taken the Jungle Patrol over the border to conduct a police action in another sovereign state without authorization from either government in order to provide cover for a rogue agent, he’s just remembered the mountains of paperwork waiting for him when he gets back to HQ.
@CanuckDownSouth: Ack, time. After Coach Bolton got beat up, Thorp sent Luke to him on a training mission. Like 2 or 3 years ago, when Rodney was a first year senior?
@matt w: I didn’t attend a UMC seminary for nothing.
Brad learning about 9/11 at age eighteen is Brad’s 9/11
Mary Worth: Confidential to J.B.: The ascot is a nice touch, but it’s not going to do very much if the head keeps falling off the cardboard tube you’ve propped it up on.
Luann – Chat-GPT taught me to wipe my ass….
MW – Can you crack the code today…HARD – NICE SPREAD – NEIGHBORLY – EVERYONE – SHARON – DISTANT – BUSY? Time to get busy livin’….
Pluggers – Let’s see your primitive Magic 8-Ball do that….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
wait can we say bribery here?
LUANN: Had she put in the he effort to go of the side her family, Lu could have had an inspiring tale from Mrs. Hornet, a rahs-to-lower-middle-class narrative from her manager of Weenie World, and a story of grift from Ann whazherface.
BF: and it was just Saturday they were toasting their successful 60s. Lesson: Pride goes before a ….
CS: Mirakle Gro at work
CURTIS: Mirakle Gro advisory
LOLA: C’mon, Lola, be kind. This guy’s got more problems than you do
PHANTOM: Oh my gosh, Patrolwoman Han still has her decorative blue scarf. Plus, she lets another patrol member help escort Chump. Plus, she states Chump is OUR prisoner, not MY prisoner. Well done. She’s a good candidate for #22.
6CX: learn, when we teach peaceful protesters their tactics and offer to negotiate dont work
Why is the pluggers wife a dog/bear when she could be a cat? This could be a joke about the know-it-all French!
Also, every time I hear the phrase ‘Chat GPT,’ my brain translates it to “chat, j’ai pété,” which is French for “cat, I farted.” Which is totally something a Plugger might say.
MW – Hey, that’s against the rules, guy whose name I can’t remember! If you’re going to say you’re daughter says she’s “busy,” you’ve got to support it with air quotes.
Pluggers are…Lockhorns?!?
@pugfuggly:
@Hibbleton: maybe he was referring to the Public Enemy hit “911’s a joke”…
And Public Enemy was the band Brad’s dad was aspiring to follow. It all makes sense now.
It was nice of Obviously Rocksafella there to adopt his daughter. She should call him every once in a while.
***
Luann’s parents raised both of these people. They should be well aware of what they’ve done.
***
LLMs are going to hasten the end of pluggers as chatbots leave them starving in the deep woods on a quest for groceries? Maybe I’ve been too harsh on this technology.
Luann: “She’s right behind me, isn’t she?”
@Hibbleton: Brad’s dad was in fact the original Flavour Flav.
@Guillermo el chiclero: Wilbur can smell a jar of mayonnaise from a half-mile away.
Pluggers: I know for a fact that mayonnaise is on aisle four. Pluggers are deliberately feeding chatbots false information because, ironically, they want a future that will be unplugged.
I saw the Doggo Plugger was talking to “chat” on his phone, and assumed he was livestreaming his trip to the grocery store. Gaming streamers ask for advice from their chat all the time, so for the briefest moment, I tried to uncover the joke embedded in the idea of Pluggers gamifying mayonnaise.
RMMD – It was Nice of Beatty to turn on the plot twist landing lights for us.
Zits: Any guesses what the original punchline for this comic was? “This morning I sneezed out a chimichanga” might be the weirdest euphemism for masturbation I’ve ever seen.
@Guillermo el chiclero: I wanted to do a Wilbur-mayo joke but I saw it was the very first comment
Pluggers save money on sex lubricant by using mayonnaise. Try to get that out of your mind.
@Charterstone: Dune: The colonel will be fine.
He’ll just tell the Unknown Commander he now has access to millions of gallons of crude oil.
“That’s neighbourly of you Mary! It was also neighbourly of you to gift me that word-a-day calendar!”
@pugfuggly:
The only French a Plugger knows is “fries” and maybe “toast”.
“What I am saying is that 9/11 helped me a lot and I am glad it happened! Thank you, Bin Laden!”
OK, in the interests of Science(tm), I tried it. ChatGPT says
I really doubt the Twitch streamer explanation that some have floated. Who in gods name would watch a Plugger livestream of their daily shopping expeditions? Nobody is that bored.
Dustin: Posters often use the name ‘Richard’ online when they mean the word ‘dick’ to avoid the censor. We now know what working class lady thinks of rich people —or Dustin. It’s kind of ambiguous.
FC: The joke of Jeffy pronouncing Zacherley ‘Zactley probably doesn’t hit with the modern audience.
DtM: No surprise that Dennis doesn’t get Wilson’s Karnak act. He goes to bed before Carson comes on. Wilson doesn’t have to be such a Richard about it.
FC-Jeffey then messes up when he is out of step with his reflection.
MW-Mary, we haven’t seen your son either.
Six Chix-Man this is one krazy kat.
Marvin-Just don’t take his red stapler.
Luann-“9-11 made me want to be a fireman.” That was twenty-five years ago. How old are you, Brad?
Pluggers-“How should I know? Do I look like I work here?”
Luann: “I was a blob, then Farenheit 451 made me want to be a Fireman. I mean, torching all those books? I was never a big reader, and the flames were so beautiful!”
Mary Worth: “My daughter has been distant lately. She says she’s ‘busy’… I’m sure it can’t be because I was a terrible father, or that I keep bragging about my fake girlfriend who’s younger than she is. Nope, it’s just life in these modern times, is what I tell myself!”
Pluggers: “Chat, why is mayo always on a low shelf at the grocery store?” “Because bending over is the only exercise that a plugger will get all day! By the way, it’s now less than two years before AI bots like me will take over the world — so have some more potato salad, you carbon-based lard-os!”
MW: Intellectually, I understand that this scam sweatshop is going to be in Santa Royale so that Mary can personally save the day, and far it be from me to tell a woman of color what she has to write, but I find it so strange that Karen Moy, who is Asian, is writing an arc about a type of scam primarily located in Asian countries, and chose to make all of the trafficked scam victims white. In fact, have we ever seen an Asian person in this strip? I feel like Dr. Sheila was probably Asian, but I don’t know if that was Moy’s directive or if Brigman just drew her that way.
I may be sloppy like a Plugger, but at least I’m not slop like Chat GPT!
Pluggers: I know some people might complain that Wilbur Weston is everyone’s first thought when mayonnaise is mentioned; but at first glance I (and everyone else, I assume) read
“Hey Chat, what asshole is the mayonnaise in?”
and both literally and figuratively who else can you think of?
MW:
“What does modernity have to do with being emotionally distant?”
“Oh, not a thing, Mary — I’m just babbling!”
@Anonymous:
“This morning I sneezed out a chimichanga” might be the weirdest euphemism for masturbation I’ve ever seen.
A million Quatloos for you!
Pluggers: Josh, considering all the other things LLMs are being used for, using ChatGPT to find the mayo is positively wholesome.
Pluggers:
Pluggers already store troves of mayo for rainy days and nuclear Armageddon. So they never have to ask where it is in the grocery store.
Luann: I suppose you could justify this by saying Brad learned about 9/11 in school and was inspired by stories of the heroic first responders, but I somehow doubt Clan Evans has thought this through that much.
MW: Great, now I’m starting to think Sharon really is trapped in the pig butchering data farm and is going to use “Trixie” as a way of contacting her father for help. It’ll be like a more literal and even creepier version of “Escape (The Pina Colada Song).”
Pluggers: ChatGPT doesn’t “know everything” so much as it reconfigures and regurgitates information from other sources in a way that sometimes produces an appropriate response but is just as likely to come up with something inaccurate, irrelevant, or just plain made up from whole cloth. So I suppose it is pretty similar to the Plugger brain in that sense.
Phantom:
“In the brush, there is no presumption of innocence.”
— Old Jungle Saying
MW-This will end with H@rv3y disappointed that the person he wants to scam isn’t real.
MW – My daughter says she’s “busy.” Ah, well. That’s life in scare quotes!
Luann – Kid, you were more appealing when you were a blob. Burt Bacharach even wrote a catchy song about you!
DT: So, you can use your drones to airdrop weapons to imprisoned convicts and you choose…a bullwhip? Unless you’re trying to rescue Indiana Freaking Jones, you might want to opt for a semi-automatic.
Dustin: Simone, you’re middle management in a temp agency that foists its least productive and most irritating clients onto you. I don’t think you should be throwing stones when it comes to financial prospects.
JP: Is Bogdan hoping to strangle the truck into working?
RMMD: Room service? You’re a roadside motel in the most depressingly dull town in the Midwest; “room service” is a binder of greasy takeout menus from places that may or may not still be in business.
Pluggers-“I don’t know what aisle the mayo is in but here is a recipe for making your own mayo. 1) Mayonnaise…”
Don Abundio, translated:
“Hi, Veronica! Will you introduce me to your beatnik friend?”
“I’m afraid you’ll have to excuse us”
“He’s way too cool to talk to you right now”
Luann, meta: That’s okay, Shannon should be in her twenties by now, on a reality show on social media.
It’s very odd to the Evansiiverse that character growth is driven only by tragic generational catastrophes. I don’t want to think which Seal of the Apocalypse needs to be broken for Luann.
FC-“I keep saying Candyman five times and I’m getting is Sammy Davis Jr.”
@TheDiva: On MW – You know what, I think you just stumbled onto the twist. It’s perfectly in line with such hits as ‘Wilbur falls off a cruise ship but washes up on a resort island’ and ‘Mary’s balloon crashes in an area with no cell coverage but easy road access’
GT: ‘Oh right… anyway, how did you like my getting those two minority students and their families deported to Thorp-knows-where? I could have gone three-for-three but that trans kid just had to be white!’
RMMD: Well, Truck finally got his NicePardner prize in Wandawandabobondabananafanafofondamemymomonda, I guess it’s time for Ass Anthill to finally get his heteronormative partner and settle down too. The desk clerk will just have to wait for the next Mormon wagon train to roll through on its way to Salt Lake City.