At least nobody is talking about pooping, OK? Just give me this
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Marvin, 4/18/26
OK, I kind of … well, like is a strong word, but I appreciate what Marvin is going for here. At first you’re like, “Ha ha, of course you can’t turn on the TV! You’re a dog!” But then you find out that the actual reason is that he could use the remote to turn the TV on or off, but he doesn’t know where it is because [comical BOI-OI-OING noise] he hid it. Both the using and (to an admittedly lesser extent) the hiding of this object are not particularly dog-like, so the twist is … well, funny is a strong word, but at least it’s mildly interesting. I guess it’s best if we don’t get into the antagonistic relationship he has with the humans in the house that would’ve led to him hiding it in the first place.
Herb and Jamaal, 4/18/26
French philosopher Blaise Pascal famously came up with the thought experiment that we call “Pascal’s wager,” which is basically that you might as well believe in God because if you do but he doesn’t exist, you suffer no harm from your belief, but if he does exist and you don’t believe in him, you won’t make it into heaven. This really wowed the rubes in the 17th century but it’s absolutely baby brain stuff today, where you can open the comics pages and see some guy talking about how he literally believes in the concept of heaven as understood by most contemporary Christians, but he doesn’t go to church, possibly because his irreligiosity combined with his good deeds makes him even more likely to get into paradise, in his opinion. Wild stuff! And he’s telling this to a clergyman who definitely has some opinions about faith and works and their respective relationship to salvation! Can’t decide if Rev. Croom’s big grin is because he’s about to open up a can of theological whoop-ass or because he’s like “This is great, can’t wait to tell the fellas in the PastorChat Discord about this one.”
31 replies to “At least nobody is talking about pooping, OK? Just give me this”
H&J-“Yeah no. You’re going to burn. We are rather strict on the believing part.”
MW-“How can I get in on these online romance scams?”
Marvin-“Oh right. I buried it in the backyard with one of the Marvin clones.”
H&J: Rev. Croom is smiling because the guy said “the ‘Pearly Gates’” instead of Heaven. They don’t like specificity in this strip.
Marvin:
“Where I hide things is often a bone of contention!”
Wrecks Moregone:
“Yes, we’re camping out in front of her house 24×7, and, no, she has not called the cops on us yet, why do you ask?……no, the local criminal gangs have not yet called us to thank us for informing them that her mansion is likely empty and ripe for looting, why do you ask?…is it possible she’s ill or had a heart attack or stroke and is lying helpless in there, why do you ask?”
Marvin:
“Okay, I see and appreciate your headline and all, Josh, but for the sake of thematic consistency, let me say this: ‘If I search the bowels of this place, maybe there’ll be some movement on what the location of the remote is!’ “
The whole good works things is usually reserved for noble people who weren’t exposed to the ministry of Christ, like Buddha or Aristotle. Kind of hard for diner guy to claim “Jesus who?” in today’s America.
Wary Morth:
I see Mary is washing down her glass of blood with some hedge clippings. Didn’t know vampires could do that.
Mark Trail: WHY HASN’T ANYONE SMACKED THAT SILLYSPARKLYHAT FROM MARK’S STUPID HEAD????
Herb and Jamaal:
“Son, I have no doubt that when you pass this sphere as a non-churchgoer, you’ll go to a place that is filled to the brim with now-defunct, top-of-the-line Chrysler models!”
“Really, Rev? — what’s that place called?”
” ‘The Imperial Firmament’ !”
The wager assumes that Christianity is the only religion. If God doesn’t exist but some other deity does, a believer in the former might be doomed if the latter being is tyrannically jealous. Maybe to be safe, we should all worship Marvin to avoid spending eternity in a vast morass of foul diapers.
Josh took herb and Jamaal and actually made it into a joke – as it stands in the paper now it’s … not funny? Just a guy wishing for eternal happiness without any effort on his part!
Perhaps the whole thing would fit better if the dialogue was swapped to Mary Worth and Wilbur.
MW: Panel 3: a desperate Muffin chugs the wine.
RMMD: Without the sound, I would’ve thought that Lorna had been cast as The Riddler.
H&L: ” People say you’re pie-eyed, too, but I don’t see any pie.”
LUANN: Bernice’s ideal job would be one in which no one had to have any interaction with Bernice.
Marvin: “…but I’m going to stare at it anyhow, because anything is better than what is going on just off panel…”
H&J: My religious relatives used to send me Chick Tracts when I was young, and this exchange is almost identical to the first couple pages of maybe a dozen of them. I have to say, that catholic clerical collar is short-circuiting my brain a little bit, like it’s a crossover episode with multiple villains…
Phantom:
“Colonel, since we’re just kind of sitting around here in the dark, anyway, why don’t we use the box you see in the upper left-hand corner of our second panel as the inspiration to do a variation on the ‘Fish’ cheer of Country Joe McDonald of blessed memory. Ready? Give me an ‘F’ !”
“F!”
“Give me an ‘A’ !”
“A!”
“Give me an ‘L’ !”
“L!”
“Give me a ‘K’ !”
“K!”
“What’s that spell?”
“Falk!”
“What’s that spell?”
“Falk!”
“What’s that spell?”
“Falk!”
“What’s that spell?”
“Falk!”
…
There’s a Chick Tract that presents the same scenario as H&J in a totally batshit way. The serial murderer who repents and leads one other person to Jesus? Welcome to heaven! The missionary couple who spent decades helping the poor in faraway lands but who didn’t try to convert anyone? Too bad for you, hope you like brimstone!
@Baja Gaijin: It’s stuck on with super glue strength hair oil.
@Tonio:
I like Chick tracts. They’re a great way of deprogramming people from religion.
RMMD:
“Forget Lorna Starr, barkeep! — that TV anchorperson/hostess is quite pulchritudinous! Do you think she might drag me into the TV set? — you know, like that cartoon character did to the lady in the Aha ‘Take on Me’ video?”
Either the dog fears the grumpy consequences of the humans watching Fox News, or he doesn’t want them seeing an ASPCA ad and get ideas about neutering.
Mary Worth: Mary could make a few bucks opening an OnlyFans where she sets her pussy on the dinner table.
GT: One of the commenters on GoComics (let’s call them ‘GilFans’) stated that Henry Barajas just doesn’t understand that his readers are sports fans who read the strip for sports, not to be ‘preached at or lectured to’. I thought to myself, then shouldn’t you be more upset at how… lackadaisically, shall we say, the sports are depicted? Why are you still here?
RMMD: ‘Sure, I can turn the TV up. You want I should get you a comfy pillow too? Either buy a drink or get out!!
JP: WHAT busy highway?!
What makes someone a “good person?” Actually, the most cohesive, straightforward argument I’ve heard comes from certain loathsome sects of Christianity. They say it literally doesn’t matter what you do in your life. No matter what you build, no matter how you treat people, as long as you have the correct beliefs you’re a good person, and everything you do is good, and you’ll go to Heaven when you die. Everyone else is down here splitting hairs over stuff like reducing suffering in the world and judging people by their words and deeds and questioning if good is even what you are or rather what you do, but why not skip over all that? And now this nameless Herb and Jamaal extra takes a further step: Why not skip over the question of religious practices as well? All you gotta do is declare yourself to be a good person and decide to believe that’s all it takes to get into Heaven. By the beard of Odin, he could be onto something.
MW Mew Meow = “I’ve finally gotten you trained to give me proper food instead of salad, what’s next is getting you to improve your litter box cleaning skills”
DT “My special number, which only works on old rotary phones hooked up to a secretly-maintained web of wires throughout the city in order to bypass cell phone surveillance. Good luck finding one to hook into the wall when you want to contact me, I suggest trying antique stores”
JP Yeah, I’d suggest literally anywhere that doesn’t have 24-hr video surveillance as part of the security advertised in their business model
BB I’m sure there’s a joke about weaponized incompetence here, but what’s amazing is that it’s taken decades of marriage to get this to happen, so maybe it’s dementia instead. Either way Camp Swampy is in good hands, folks!
@Hibbleton: I’m not even sure the guy is claiming good works, he might just be saying he has all the right kindly thoughts and doesn’t go out of his way to hurt others. Anyhow, the “hopeful inclusivists” can go so far as to hope for those who have heard of Jesus but aren’t Christian.
[long digression] One way is as CS Lewis’ wrote in Mere Christianity: “We do know that no man can be saved except through Christ. We do not know that only those who know Him can be saved through Him.” He included people who were drawn to Jesus through their worship of what he’d consider good aspects in other religions, even without realizing that the good was reflected in Jesus (and he put a scene in his Narnia book The Last Battle with a dead worshipper of a demon-religion recognizing Aslan as what he’d truly been seeking and being welcomed into paradise). He wasn’t the only one to go that far, heck, post-VaticanII Catholic theology is a long these lines. [/long digression]
H&J: When I was younger, while my Mom had gone to a bookstore, I had a complete mental breakdown.
I was yelling “Please help me God!!! Please help me!!”
When my Mom came home, she had brought me a guardian angel statue (that came with a little book about guardian angels)
I always felt that, that was God reaching out to me, despite I was never a religious person. In fact I was even a little mad, because there are people who are literally starving and dying in the streets, but “I” was apparently worth helping over them…
Regardless, I love God in my own personal way, but I do not go to church. As I find the churches hypocritical money-grubbing weasels, as well as I’m afraid that I’ll fall in too deep and become a loony fundamentalist.
I wish religion was more straightforward, honestly.
@Amelie Wikström: What about the 10 Commandments?
“Thou Shall Not Kill”
“Thou Shall not Steal”
What if a person is a thieving murderer but attends church daily and fully believes in Christ?
Paradox?
MARY WORTH: See, this is why our Mary is the master! Only an expert well-versed in “advance busybodying” would “fix” this dilemma by reducing it to it’s easily-resolvable “B-plot (a sub-meddle if you will), and then blithely claim, “oh, yeah, I was always concerned about the scam job and money” just in time in time for your victory lap. That’s top-tier audience gaslighting right there!
@The Quiet Man: I don’t know why people would read a comic strip for sports. As painstakingly slow as it is with no actual action.
If one wants to view sports, for the sake of viewing sports, watch Football on TV?
@Amelie Wikström: @The Rambling Otter: Also when I was in grade school, where was a kid in my class who was an absolute little shit.
Among other things, he just lied and lied and lied about everything.
He then once was bragging over how he goes to church, so he’ll get into heaven.
He looked so smug about it too.
Ugh.
MW: Mary’s disappointment is written all over her face. Sharon didn’t seem angry at all. In fact, she seems pretty happy to be reconnecting with her dad. Mary’s schadenfreude levels must be desperately low.
H&L: Kids of that age know exactly what “blowhard” means; but I guess taking out your anger for a windless day of kite flying by shit talking your hapless neighbor is better than kicking the dog.